


Ordinary Adventures

by Metal_Chocobo



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chocobos, Domestic, F/F, F/M, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Surfing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-02 08:00:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 185,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4052479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metal_Chocobo/pseuds/Metal_Chocobo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life might be chaotic, confusing, and almost always messy, but at least Kairi can honestly say it’s never boring since meeting Yuffie. Together they face various challenges head on… though Kairi is certain the ninja inadvertently causes half of the issues herself.</p><p>A series of connected short stories detailing the progression of Kairi and Yuffie’s relationship and life together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Raspberry-Paopu Smoothie

For the past month, ever since Kairi first started working here in this café, she spent her four-days-a-week refilling glasses, bussing dishes, and generally keeping the place tidy. While the work wasn’t particularly odious, it wasn’t exactly what Kairi wanted to be doing. Irvine had advertised for a waitress, not a busboy, and Kairi had thought she’d actually be taking orders and serving food when she applied for the position. If she had wanted to be a maid, she would have taken the house-cleaning job at the Highwind house. It paid a dollar twenty an hour more than this one did. 

‘But no, I wanted to meet people,’ Kairi thought snidely as she wiped off a table. At the moment she had the café to herself as they were closed for the post lunch/pre-dinner lull and Irvine normally took this time as an opportunity to run home. ‘I wanted to talk to the mainlanders who come here for the surfing. I wanted to serve food.’

The bell jingled as the front door opened. Kairi didn’t pay it any mind though as she was too busy grimacing at a half eaten baloney, mustard, and mayo sandwich that had been left listing off its plate onto a table. Often times a strong breeze from the ocean would blow all the store front doors along the boardwalk open if they weren’t properly latched. This could be a real problem during monsoon season when the wind brought in a bucket full of rain at the same time.

‘Gross,’ Kairi mentally moaned as she dumped the sandwich into the trash. ‘Irvine seems to think I’ll scare his precious customers away. Sora gets to handle coffee and customers at the coffee hut, but all I get to handle is trash. He’s a fair bigger klutz than I am. It’s not fair.’

When she felt a hand touch her shoulders she screamed and dropped her bin full of plates. There was a sickening crunch as all the plates cracked or shattered. ‘There goes my paycheck,’ she thought sadly. She turned with a pained expression on her face, expecting to find her boss standing there staring exasperatedly at her for destroying a large chunk of his dishware. To her shock she found a stranger instead. 

“Hiya,” chirped the stranger as she gave a small wave. She looked a bit older than Kairi with Asian features and a large jack-o-lantern grin carved on her face. The girl wore a headband and a black t-shirt that said ‘BITE ME,’ which Kairi assumed was some sort of mainland witticism that she just didn’t get. Kairi did momentarily consider literally biting her—this woman was not supposed to be in here, as they were closed, and should have paid attention to the sign instead of barging in—but she know this would actually help her current predicament.

“We’re closed,” Kairi blurted out. She probably ought to be more polite, but she was still thinking more about those dishes. Besides, if Irvine wanted her to have good people skills for work he should let her develop those skills at work.

“Why?” the girl asked as she tilted her head to the side. This gave Kairi a decent view of her tanned neck. She figured that the girl spent a lot of time in the sun, but not here on the islands since Kairi didn’t recognize her. Destiny Islands was a tight knit community, which meant she was some flavor of tourist. “The door’s unlocked.”

“Because my boss had to give his diabetic cat her shots?” Kairi said. She winced, feeling silly that she had accidently made it sound more like a question than an answer. 

“Excellent,” the girl said. She sat down in a window booth. “Can I get a menu?”

“Excuse me?” Kairi asked, surprised. She had just told the girl they were closed and this girl didn’t seem to care. Maybe she thought they were having a very different conversation than what was actually being said. Kairi wasn’t really certain what to do with her.

“Oh, is this one of those places where all of the items are written on a blackboard? These sorts of islands have so many places like that. I love them because they’re so different from anything back home.” She frowned and turned toward Kairi. “Well, I mean we’ve got menus on boards back home too, those are everywhere, but they’re usually not cutesy chalk scrawled items on a blackboard. Everything is electronic these days. That’s a total shame because I prefer the chalk because you can add little pictures around the edges and it doesn’t look like space invaders are attacking your burger list.”

“You do?” Kairi politely asked as she handed the girl a menu. She figured if she served this annoying girl she might go away before Irvine returned. Kairi could cook and she had seen Irvine made everything on the menu loads of times before. Riku would suggest this was an opportunity for Kairi in disguise. After all, if she never proved she could handle customers when would Irvine ever give her the chance to work with them? Sora always said, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

“I’m Yuffie by the way. I’m here for the surfing competition,” Yuffie babbled as she poured over the menu.

“You’re in the surfing comp?” Kairi asked excitedly, forgetting her annoyance. “Not many girls are in it, so it’s neat you made the cut. My friend Riku is in it.”

“Rikku?” asked Yuffie excitedly. She put down the menu and looked at Kairi. “I can’t believe she didn’t mention she knew anyone as cute as you. That bitch left me out of the loop.” 

“What?” Kairi asked. Kairi could see why Yuffie might think Riku was female from how she had phrased things, but it sounded like Yuffie had someone in particular in mind. That was confusing. She decided to clarify, “ My Riku is a guy. He’s about a head taller than I am and definitely male.”

“How did you find out that?” Yuffie asked teasingly.

“Well, first off I believed him because he said he was,” Kairi said, “but if you want actual proof… I accidentally walked in on him in the bathroom when I was eight.”

Yuffie laughed for a bit before saying, “I guess it can’t be my Rikku. Ya see, I was thinking of this girl I know when you said Riku. Sorry Two-K for calling you a bitch!” she shouted, even though this ‘Rikku’ was nowhere to be seen. Yuffie beamed at Kairi. “I’ll take a raspberry-paopu smoothie, please.”

Kairi started fiddling with the blender. She had seen Irvine make smoothies a million times, so she figured she could make one. The blender at home was pretty different from this one though. There were a lot more buttons and dials here, but Kairi figured she could make it work. She tossed in some ice, sugar, and fresh raspberries into the container.

“Hold on a sec,” she said, “I need to pick the paopu.”

“Pick it?” Yuffie asked incredulously.

“Of course, do you think anyone on Destiny Islands, the only place in the world where the paopu fruit grows, uses canned crap?” scoffed Kairi.

She went out the back entrance with Yuffie trailed behind her. Yuffie probably wasn’t supposed follow, but Kairi didn’t stop her. She was too busy preparing to climb a paopu tree, which may not sound that difficult as they are short, but paopu trees have exceptionally smooth bark with little purchase for climbing. Unless it grew bent one needed serious tree-climbing skill or a ladder to reach the fruit. Kairi didn’t have a ladder. As Kairi hoisted herself off the ground she heard a wolf whistle. She glared at the girl behind her over her shoulder.

“Now this is service,” Yuffie said with a grin. “I had no idea you guys put so much effort into making smoothies here. Can I have the big juicy one? Though I can’t believe you’re actually climbing this little tree. Couldn’t you reach it with just a chair?”

“No, they’re still a bit out of my reach,” Kairi said as she plucked the indicated fruit and slid down the tree. Yuffie’s expression didn’t change, but Kairi immediately felt defensive of her shortcoming. “It’s not my fault that I’m short,” she grumbled.

“Yes it is,” Yuffie crowed as she followed Kairi back into the café. “You didn’t drink enough milk as a child so your bones didn’t get enough calcium to grow big and strong to make you tall.”

“I could lock you out. And I will if you keep teasing me.”

Yuffie snorted and waved one of her hands. “Your boss wouldn’t be happy when you do that. Especially when I pick the locks. Besides I like short people. I’m one, you’re one, there are lots of us. We’re not short, we’re fun sized.”

Kairi felt her cheeks heat up at the teasing. She silently dropped the paopu fruit into the blender. Kairi put the top on, gave it a 90º twist and turned the blender on.

“Okay, so you’re probably already aware, but you can’t share this smoothie with anyone,” Kairi said. Yuffie gave her an inquiring look. “Well you know, the legend of the paopu fruit.” There was no spark of recognition in Yuffie’s eyes.

Kairi sighed and rubbed her brow. She hated having to regurgitate local lore. Visitors always thought the legends were quant or stupid. Still, she couldn’t sell this drink without at least warning Yuffie, even if it was just a silly story. “Pull up a seat,” she said. Yuffie jumped onto a bar stool on the opposite side of the counter from Kairi.

“I love stories,” she gushed.

“Okay,” started Kairi, “supposedly if two people share a paopu fruit, their destines are intertwined forever. It’s why the Destiny Islands are called Destiny Islands. Only people who are truly in love, or at least want their lives entwined together forever, should share them since they change your life.”

“So it’s a marriage fruit?” Yuffie asked.

“They are often used in weddings here, but it’s more than that. It’s supposed to be a way of making certain that even in your next life, you still run into that person,” Kairi said before shrugging. “That is, if you believe the legend.”

“Well, whatever else, it’s a neat story,” Yuffie said thoughtfully. “These are pretty cool fruit and unusual looking too! I think I saw a silver haired guy sharing one of these star-paopus with a kid who had this crazy spiky hair earlier today. They must be really in love. Either that or really stupid.”

Kairi’s eyes widened, ‘Sora and Riku are… together? Why the hell didn’t they tell me? Did they think they’d hurt my feelings—the things they’ve never cared about in the past—because they loved each other and not me? Or do they think I’d throw a hissy fit about them being gay and not telling me? Damn right I’d throw a hissy fit, we could have hung out and talked about… well, men! Yes, sexy men! With black surfer hair and… and… umm abs of steel! Yes, hot sexy black-haired surfer men with abs of steel!’

As Kairi was lost in her ‘deep’ thoughts, Yuffie poked her. “Umm, cute nameless girl,” the surfer started, “Your eye is twitching.”

The girls heard a thunk then saw something white zoom past their heads. Apparently Kairi hadn’t screwed the lid on tight enough because they were now covered in pink cold slushy ooze. Yuffie wiped the stuff off her face and shoved it onto Kairi’s previously clear face. Kairi couldn’t believe this jerk had just wiped the slushie off her own face only to shove it into hers. The place was now messy enough she could have just dropped it on the floor. The girls stood there in silence as the smoothie dribbled down everything.

With a shriek, Kairi chased Yuffie around the café. She didn’t have anything particular in mind other than getting more of the pink goop onto Yuffie as revenge. Maybe splatter some of it across her back. Whatever the case, she wasn’t ready to clean up the mess just yet. The bell tingled as the front door opened again. Kairi ran smack into her boss.

“What the hell is going on?” Irvine yelled. He wiped pink smoothie off his shirt from the collision.

“Hey boss,” Kairi said weakly, “I can explain.”

Kairi quavered for a few moments before Yuffie saved her. “I’m really sorry Mr. Boss Man,” she said, “I came in here even though it was closed and harangued this really gorgeous girl into making me a smoothie. But then she told me about the paopu legend and the destiny thingy, which was bad because I was gonna share it with Squallykins and I like girls, and although Squallykins is cool in a badass way, he’s not a girl. So I grabbed the smoothie making machine and tried to stop it only I got the top instead, so the stuff went spew!” Yuffie waved her arms in the air to punctuate this story.

Irvine stared at the girls. “Kairi, start cleaning up this mess,” he said. The redhead quickly started because she was happy to still have her job. Then Irvine turned to the girl and began fawning. “I’m going to get Yuffie Kisaragi’s autograph!”

By the time Kairi had finished cleaning up the café, her shift had ended an hour ago and it was time to reopen the café. Irvine was still fussing over the ‘world famous Japanese surfer,’ but had to stop when some of his regulars banged on the front door. The two girls left the café to walk along the boardwalk. They drifted toward the beach before ending up on the docks.

“Thanks for saving my butt back there,” Kairi said as they hung their feet off the dock.  
“Hey, you’re cute,” Yuffie said with a grin, “and I mean, it was my fault, so no problem. Only I didn’t pay for my smoothie. You won’t get your pay docked, will ya?”

Kairi laughed, “Irvine was so happy to meet his favorite surfer he nearly wet himself. I doubt he even remembers the mess.”

Both girls laughed. Yuffie grinned at Kairi again and Kairi smiled back. Kairi thought it was pretty nice to hang out with another girl for once—technically there was Selphie, but Kairi wondered she might be instead rabid squirrel instead of girl—instead of Riku and Sora. Especially if they’re going to ditch me to suck face in secret,’ she thought darkly.

“Hey,” Yuffie said, poking Kairi in the arm. This pulled Kairi out of her dark thoughts and put her attention firmly on Yuffie. “I have to get going now even though I had a great time with you. Squallykins, Two-K, and the others are most likely worried about me since I’ve been gone for hours. I swear, even though I’m nineteen, they treat me like a baby.”

Kairi was surprised that she didn’t want Yuffie to leave. “But-”

“No buts,” Yuffie said effectively cutting Kairi off with a finger to the redhead’s lips. “Come on and cheer me on in the competition tomorrow. I’ll even buy you lunch.”

She then leaned in and kissed Kairi. Yuffie’s lips were dry and the kiss was chaste, but it left the sixteen-year-old spluttering.

Yuffie stood up and brushed off her shorts. “Well, I’m off,” she said with a mock salute.

“I can’t believe you just did that!” yelled Kairi.

“What, didn’t you like it? I thought I felt signals.”

“That isn’t the point! It was my first kiss! You stole it!” Kairi accused as she blushed. She hadn’t really registered what Yuffie said. Instead Kairi was more focused on the fact her first kiss had gone to some girl she had just met. This was embarrassing and she was trying not to cry.

Yuffie grinned again and cocked her head. She didn’t seem to notice Kairi’s discomfort. “I always wanted to be someone’s first,” she said shyly, “My first kiss went to a guy who… ahh you don’t wanna hear about that.” She pulled out a card and scribbled something on the back. The girl then opened Kairi’s hand, stuck the card in and then closed it. “Call me!” Yuffie shouted over her shoulder as she ran off.

Kairi stared at Yuffie’s retreating form until she disappeared before looking at the card. It read: Yuffie Kisaragi, Great Ninja, Professional Surfer. The bottom line of the card was a URL address in smaller type. Yuffie had written her cell phone number with the words “call me” on the back. 

Kairi stuffed the card in her pocket and went home. She felt tired and emotionally drained. Also, the raspberry-paopu smoothie had dried and hardened into an effective sealant adhering her clothing to her body. Not wanting to deal with the messy and possibly painful process of removing her clothes Kairi took a shower fully dressed and then went to bed.

The next morning she woke up to find her still slightly damp clothing spread over her bedroom floor. She sat there dumbly for a few moments before grabbing her pants and fumbling with the pockets. Finally they produced the soggy card. The paper was badly wrinkled, but Yuffie had written in pencil so it was still legible. She could still read the number.

Kairi grinned and thought, ‘Huh, I guess I’m not cheering for Riku this year.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first multichapter fic and the first one I posted online. I started it in high school and over the next six years it took me to complete this story I learned a lot about writing. That’s reflected in the text. I revised the earlier chapters, mostly getting rid of worst spelling and grammar issues, but it’s still basically the same fic as when I first wrote it. I think the original spirit of the story is still retained and I hope you find it enjoyable.


	2. Snowflakes and Car-Hopping

It was cold out. Not that nasty cold that left Yuffie wishing that she lived in the volcanic core of Mount Fuji, but rather a light chill that just made it cold enough for snowflakes. About a bazillion of the frozen water particles were falling and Yuffie had spent the last hour catching them on her tongue. She only stopped this fun activity to go inside because she had developed a nasty case of brain freeze.

“Ahh,” she sighed as she sank into the couch. She was down to her shorts and a tank top after stripping off her snow-covered gear at the door. Now all Yuffie wanted to do was burrow under a fuzzy blanket and take a nap. Frolicking in the snow took a lot out of a girl.

As Yuffie hovered on the edge of consciousness, a strawberry blonde slunk out of a bedroom. Upon spotting Yuffie the girl smirked, then pounced on the unsuspecting ninja. There was a high-pitched girlish scream and flailing limbs. Yuffie couldn’t see who was attacking her—well, tickling and poking her hard enough that she considered it an attack—so she jabbed, kicked, and hit back. At least as best as she could, most of Yuffie’s body was firmly wrapped up in her blanket, which hampered her movements. So, when she felt something soft and squishy press into her face making it difficult to breathe Yuffie did the only thing she could to get it away; she bit it.

“Gwaaa!” her attacker yelled and fell off the couch. Unfortunately for Yuffie the tussle entangled the other girl with her blanket, so she fell off too.

“Rikku,” Yuffie growled as she stared at her attacker. This was exactly the sort of stupid thing her best friend liked to do.

“You bit my boob!” Rikku wailed.

“You attacked me!” Yuffie yelled back. Rikku pouted and made a loud sniff the way she usually did when she was about to start crying. Yuffie sighed, “I’m sorry for giving you boob-pain, Two-k. Now, why did you attack me?”

Rikku immediately smirked at Yuffie’s question. This made Yuffie inwardly groan. She knew that mischievous smirk quite well. Normally Rikku used it to get men to give her stuff or act like fools for her amusement. Seeing it on her face without anyone else around spelled trouble for Yuffie.

“You got a phone call,” Rikku said.

Yuffie perked up. She loved phone calls. They made her feel loved, especially when one of her stoic male friends called because they were so terrible on the phone. Most of them hated talking, much less on the phone, so Yuffie enjoyed dragging out those conversations for as long as possible. That was always a good laugh. She’d be sad if she had missed one of those calls.

“Who called?” she asked, grinning.

“It was on your cell phone,” Rikku continued as if she hadn’t heard Yuffie.

The ninja’s grin faltered and her brow furrowed. She was probably the only person her age who used a landline for personal use. No one who actually knew her used her cell number because they knew she always forgot it in strange places—Rikku once found it in a tub of rocky road in the freezer and Yuffie couldn’t remember how many times she had accidently put her phone through the wash—or let the battery die. The fact that Rikku was even able to find and answer Yuffie’s phone in the first place was amazing.

“Who was it?” she asked again. She really hoped Rikku wasn’t making this big a deal about a telemarketer.

“A girl,” Rikku said, drawing out the second word as if she were an annoying little brother. Yuffie grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed the girl onto her back. Then she sat on the blonde’s stomach and shook her a bit harder than she usually would. Yuffie was a little over excited.

“What girl?” she yelled.

It had been weeks since Yuffie had been on a date and months since anything had clicked for her. She hated being single. Yuffie was an extreme extrovert and when she wasn’t in a relationship she was both sexually frustrated and lonely. A lot of nights she just wanted someone to snuggle on the couch with or talk to. Rikku worked pretty well a lot of the time, but Yuffie wasn’t attracted to her best friend in the slightest and she had her own life to live without her. Yuffie just wanted to be able to do silly domestic things with a girl she adored. That was what made life magical.

If a girl was calling Yuffie, the possibility of getting a girlfriend was there. Spending another winter alone was not acceptable. The season was bad enough because she couldn’t surf, throwing in a bunch of lonely nights was not happening. Sure, snowflakes were fun in short doses for things like snowman making, but she always tired of winter long before it actually left. It kept her cooped up at home alone. Yuffie also hated snow pants with a passion, but that had nothing to do with her eligibility, only her dislike of winter.

“Kairi,” Rikku finally said. There was a shared pause and then Rikku’s smirk faded. Whatever reaction the girl had expected from Yuffie, it didn’t precipitate.

Yuffie stared blankly into space. ‘Who the hell is Kairi?’ she thought, ‘Arrgg! I know I know that name!’ She growled and leaned against the couch. She just couldn’t place it. Eventually Yuffie exhaled loudly and gave Rikku a mournful look. 

“Is she someone bad?” Rikku asked worriedly. Her teasing mood had vanished when she saw that her best friend was unhappy. “Is she an ex? I could kick her ass if you’d like, Yuf.”

“No, no, no,” Yuffie said, waving her arms. “It’s nothing like that. I remember all of my exs in great detail. I don’t think I’ve ever dated a Kairi. Could it have been a wrong number, Rikku?”

“I don’t think so.” Rikku looked thoughtful. “She asked for you by name. She was pretty quiet and timid.” Rikku paused to remember before continuing her analysis of the phone call. She was happy she wasn’t delivering bad news. “She asked if I was your girlfriend. As if! I told her I was very happy with my Gippal, thank you very much.”

“I feel like I ought to know the name,” Yuffie said. “I don’t get that many women calling for me.”

“If it helps, I think she was pretty nervous about calling you,” Rikku said. “Definitely mumbled something about this being a bad idea and regretting trying the number on the card.”

“When did I give someone my number on a card?” Yuffie wondered out loud. Then it hit her. “Oh,” she exclaimed, putting her hands to her mouth, “the cute redhead from the islands!”

“Summer surfing fling?”

“I wish,” Yuffie said with a grin. “Remember the Destiny Islands competition where I just barely finished second after that silver haired dude?

“Guy with my name. Yeah, I remember those islands.”

“I met this gorgeous babe there,” Yuffie said savoring the memory. “She was an absurdly cute redhead and so timid and unsure about how to react to me—”

“Most people have that reaction, Yuffie,” Rikku interjected.

“—but there was definitely some spunky backbone buried inside,” Yuffie continued, glaring at the other girl. “I stole her first kiss and gave her my phone number. Didn’t get to see her again while I was on the islands. I’m so happy she called!”

“She didn’t leave a number, Yuffie,” Rikku said quietly. Yuffie’s spirit fell. She looked at Rikku sadly again.

“She didn’t?” she asked. Rikku shook her head.

“The cell phone died before she could tell me. I’m sorry, Yuf.”

The two girls sat in a gloomy silence. That was an unexpected blow to Yuffie’s vigor. While most people would have been able to get the number from their call log after recharging their phone, Yuffie’s phone was a piece of crap and hadn’t recorded that information in months. She really ought to get a new phone. After moping for a bit an idea started to form. She grinned and stood up. “I know how to get Kairi’s phone number,” she said. Rikku perked up, catching Yuffie’s enthusiasm. 

“How?” Rikku asked as she got up from the floor.

“There’s gotta be a Destiny Islands’ directory! It’s a list of all the inhabitants’ home addresses and phone numbers. Wutai has one, Tokyo has one, so why not the Islands? They seem even more likely to have one ‘cause they’re such a tiny place with outdated tech. I don’t think I saw a single local with a cell phone while I was there.”

“It’s a great plan, Yuffie. I think I remember seeing something like that in our hotel room, now that you mention it. Do you have Kairi’s last name?”

“I don’t need it!” Yuffie cackled. She leaped onto the top of the couch and continued, “We have the surfer dude’s last name! He’s Kairi’s friend, so he should have her number. Bwa haha haha haha—ekkk!” The ‘ekkk’ occurred when Yuffie lost her footing and swan dived off the back of the couch. Yuffie was one of the most graceful klutzes around.

Several hours later Yuffie had made some headway. She remembered the surfer’s name, Riku Jenova, and had just gotten his home phone number through an online directory. Rikku had left the apartment an hour ago for a date with Gippal, so Yuffie had the place all to herself. She stretched and yawned. The surfer had spent the last three hours doing battle with various search engines to find the directory. Destiny Islands had an almost nonexistent online presence. She figured it was time for a break.

‘After all,’ Yuffie thought as she made herself a smoothie. ‘Kairi wouldn’t want me to keel over and die of starvation before our first date.’ While Yuffie had always liked sweet things the smoothie addiction had only started that summer. Really, Yuffie should have realized at some point over the last six months that Kairi had made a lasting impression and tracked her down herself ages ago. She couldn’t believe she had forgotten her name. That was downright embarrassing. After finishing the smoothie she got back to work.

Yuffie twisted the phone cord through her fingers as she waited for Riku to pick up. She had never been this impatient to hear from a man before. Finally the phone line connected. Yuffie resisted the urge to cheer.

“Sephiroth speaking,” a man answered.

“Is this the Jenova residence?” Yuffie asked politely.

“Yes.”

“May I please speak to Riku?”

“One moment please,” Sephiroth said. Yuffie heard the phone move and then the man bellowed, “Riku! Stop trying to consume that boy’s face and get down here!”

The phone was silent for a minute before Yuffie heard muttering on the other end. Then Riku was on the line. “Hello?” he said, sounding irritated.

Yuffie felt the direct approach would be best. “Do you have Kairi’s phone number?” she asked.

“What?” Riku asked. Clearly, he was surprised at the request.

“Do you have Kairi’s phone number?” Yuffie repeated and then felt the need to describe her as this Riku fellow seemed slow on the uptake. “She’s got red hair, purple eyes, great body. She said that you were her friend, so do you have her number?”

“Kairi,” he said slowly, “has a great body?”

“Have you looked at her?”

“Almost every day of my life.”

Yuffie glared at the phone. Clearly Riku did not know an attractive woman when he saw her. Her opinion of Riku continued to decline. She heard some noise on the other end of the phone. Riku was talking to someone else.

“I donno, Sora, it’s some chick who wants Kairi’s body,” Riku said.

“I want her phone number, damn it! PHONE NUMBER!” Yuffie yelled into the phone. She wouldn’t mind Kairi’s body too, it was a great one, but that was totally something Kairi had to decide for herself. The surfer heard some muffled swearing before another boy, who was much more cheerful, took over the call.

“Hello, this is Sora,” he said. “May I ask who’s calling?”

“Hello Sora, nice to meet you. I’m Yuffie. Do you have Kairi’s phone number?” Yuffie smiled as she said this. He couldn’t see it, but she appreciated his manners.

“Yes, but it won’t do you any good,” Sora said.

“Why not?” Yuffie whined.

“Well, she’s in Tokyo right now,” Sora said.

“Tokyo!” Yuffie exclaimed. She could find Kairi in Tokyo; she lived in Tokyo. She could ask Kairi out tonight.

“She’s staying with her… Oh God… cousin…” Sora trailed off with heavy panting. Yuffie tapped her fingers on the counter. She really wasn’t in the mood to listen to two boys unable to keep their hands off each other. “Riku, stop it… sorry Yuffie, umm, what were we talking about?”

“Where is Kairi?” Yuffie asked through clenched teeth.

“She’s staying with her cousin, Axel.”

“Got a phone number?”

“No,” Sora said. Yuffie wanted to cry. She was never going to find Kairi at this rate. She had already put more time and effort into finding this girl than her attention span normally allowed. “But I do have an address,” he added.

“I could kiss you,” Yuffie said with a grin.

An hour later Yuffie was banging on a friend’s door. The lady owned a great flower shop and Yuffie needed flowers. No other florist would do as Aerith was the only one who understood Yuffie’s taste and could create a beautiful bouquet that would properly represent her feelings. The flowers had to be just right as they were a key part of the wooing process. Yuffie planned to woo successfully. 

“Aerith! Aerith, I know you’re in there!” Yuffie yelled as she continued to pound on the door.

Suddenly the door opened and Yuffie found herself hitting flesh instead of wood. The flesh was well toned and belonged to another one of her good friends, Leon, though from that scowl she could tell he didn’t look happy to see her. From the pajama bottoms she guessed he had probably already gone to bed for the night. Yuffie grinned up at him.

“Hey, Squallykins, can Aerith come out and play?” Yuffie asked. “I need flowers.”

Leon glared at her. “You shattered this neighborhood’s quiet and drag me out of bed because you need flowers?”

“No,” Yuffie said wagging her finger, “I knocked loudly on your door because I knew that was the only way to get you or Aerith to answer it and I need her help picking out tasteful flowers. She’d be insulted if I went to a different florist.”

“You’re crazy,” Leon said. He rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Yup, but you love me,” Yuffie said with a grin, “and if you don’t get Aerith down here, I’m going to spend the entire night on your doorstep serenading you with opera. I’ve got the drive and lung capacity. But since I don’t actually know any opera I’ll just be making up the lyrics on the fly and there’s a reason I’m not a song writer.”

Leon growled, but he did go inside to fetch his wife. Maybe he was planning to go back to bed without getting Aerith, but Yuffie knew that was unlikely. He knew she’d carry out her threat. She wouldn’t have made it otherwise. Yuffie smirked as she waited for Aerith. She loved the pair dearly, Aerith and Squall ‘call me Leon’ Leonhart were like older siblings to her. They had certainly known her long enough. That was why she felt a bit guilty disturbing them, but it wasn’t that late. They could lose out on a few hours of sleep if it meant Yuffie could get a girlfriend. She’d be damned if she spent another season single. 

*** 

It was almost midnight and Yuffie was hiding in some bushes. She had the beautiful flowers courtesy of Aerith, candy in a heart shaped box, and had even found a stuffed moogle doll. Yuffie was outside the right house, she knew because she had checked the address four times. She should be ready to woo Kairi. The only reason she hadn’t started yet was that her nerves were unexpectedly failing her.

‘What if she doesn’t remember who I am?’ Yuffie wondered, completely forgetting that Kairi had tried contacting her first. Yuffie walked up to the front door and took a deep breath. ‘What am I thinking?’ she thought. ‘I’m the Great Ninja Yuffie and of course she’ll remember me. With my charm, I can easily win Kairi over.’

Yuffie rang the bell and found herself face to chest with a guy for the second time that night. That was two times too many in her book and suggested there might be an epidemic of shirtless men in the neighborhood. This one was a lot lankier and taller than Leon, but Yuffie found him to be less intimidating. She could totally take him in a fight. His bright red hair suggested that he was Kairi’s cousin.

“The flowers are lovely,” he said, smirking as he leaned against the doorframe. “But I have to disappoint you, I’m not interested.”

“Charming,” Yuffie smirked back. “You must be Cousin Axel. Is Kairi home? Because these are for her, not you.”

Axel looked surprised. He rubbed the back of his head and said, “I didn’t know Kairi was a lesbo.”

“I don’t know if she is, but I aim to find out,” Yuffie said. They both blinked at that statement. That probably wasn’t the best thing to say if Yuffie was going to convince Axel into letting her inside to see Kairi. If he had any familial protective instincts he’d turn her away now, but she needed to make this man understand she had to meet with Kairi. That meant more explanations. 

“I met Kairi this summer. She was cute. I gave her my number and haven’t seen her since. She called my cell today, which my stupid roommate got, so I didn’t get to talk to her. But I wanna talk to her and take her out for Chinese or something, which meant I had to go on a several hours long hunt for her friends and that led me here.” Yuffie paused for air. The more she talked the faster the words came out of her mouth. That always happened when she was nervous. “So,” she concluded, “is Kairi here?”

Axel blinked. “You are one weird chick,” he said, but moved to the side of the door allowing Yuffie entry. “Down the hall, second door on the right,” he added after Yuffie stepped inside the house. 

Yuffie followed those instructions while Axel pulled out a phone and wandered away. The girl strode up to the door and gently knocked against it. She waited for an answer from within. This was even more nerve wracking than knocking on the front door because she was certain Kairi was actually behind this door.

“Go away Axel!” Kairi yelled from inside the room. “I don’t wanna hear your Roxas woes. My assistance will not improve your chances of getting into his pants.”

Yuffie’s heart skipped a beat. Her goofy grin reasserted itself. She had found Kairi! Yuffie bit her lower lip, still smiling. Kairi sounded a little more forceful compared to last time, which was a good thing. Yuffie wanted a girlfriend, not a doormat.

The surfer ninja opened the door slowly and peeked inside. Kairi was sitting at a desk with her back to the door. She was reading a book by the light of a table lamp. Yuffie slipped in and carefully shut the door behind her. As Kairi hadn’t actually noticed her presence yet Yuffie figured she might as well surprise her. She set her offerings on the bed then slunk up behind Kairi.

Yuffie grinned. She slapped her hands over Kairi’s eyes and sang, “Guess who?” Kairi sat still for a moment before acquiescing to the game.

“Selphie?” Was her first guess.

Yuffie shook her head, “Nope.”

“Umm… Axel’s friend, Larxene, I think?”

Yuffie shook her head again, “Nope.”

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer?” Kairi wildly guessed.

“Close, but no cigar,” she laughed. Yuffie spun the girl around and crowed, “It’s me!”

Kairi blinked. Yuffie grinned. Kairi blinked again. Yuffie continued grinning. Kairi stared. Yuffie’s grin faded into a smiled. She was starting to get a little nervous. Then, Kairi cautiously asked, “Yuffie?” 

“The one and only,” Yuffie said.

“What are you doing here?” Kairi asked. She sounded a little bewildered, which was not exactly what Yuffie wanted. Pleased, happy, or excited would have been better emotions in Yuffie’s opinion.

“Picking you up for our date.”

“What date?”

“The one you initiated when you called me.”

“I didn’t even reach you directly!” Kairi said indignantly.

“And for that I am truly sorry,” Yuffie said. She got down on one knee so that they were more or less looking each other in the eye. These emotions needed to be conveyed properly. “But I am here now,” she said, “and I brought flowers.”

“How did you even find me?” Kairi asked. She kept staring at Yuffie like she was a mirage.

Yuffie grinned. “I have my ways,” she said, “Now come get your presents!” The surfer pulled the girl over to the bed and had her sit down. Then she offered Kairi her tokens of affection. One item probably would have been more than enough for a first date, but Yuffie wanted to be prepared and really dazzle the redhead.

“What is this?” Kairi asked. She lifted up the moogle, which Yuffie suddenly realized looked like a white blob. One of the button eyes popped off.

“A moogle,” Yuffie answered promptly.

“Okay… and you got me coconut chocolates.”

“Is there a problem with coconut?” Yuffie asked.

“I’m allergic.”

“Oh… I’ll do better next time.”

“You got orchids,” Kairi said when she looked at the flowers.

“Are you allergic to those too?” Yuffie pulled on her hair. She felt like an idiot. “I should have gotten roses… all of my gifts suck.”

“I love orchids,” Kairi said softly. A pleasant smile graced her lips. 

“Well, at least I got something right,” Yuffie said with a nervous laugh. The two lapsed into an uneasy silence. This wasn’t how Yuffie wanted their second meeting to go. She wanted excitement, fireworks, the good stuff, but so far, all she had done was mess up. This was a terrible second impression.

“It’s nice to see you Yuffie,” Kairi finally said.

Yuffie leapt into action. “Yeah, it’s great to see you too,” she said happily, “So what do you want to do?”

“Well,” Kairi said thoughtfully as she got up from the bed, “The flowers need to be put in water, so I think that should be done first. After all, it would be a shame if your beautiful gift died.”

Yuffie nodded dumbly. Aerith would approve of Kairi’s choice; they both seemed to believe that people needed to care for flowers. The girls entered the kitchen looking for a vase. Axel was sitting at the table talking noisily into his phone and barely glanced in their direction. Kairi pulled a vase out of a cabinet and set it down on the counter. Yuffie caught a few snippets of his conversation.

“Is he?” Yuffie trailed off. She didn’t quite know how to phrase her question.

“Trying to solicited his friend for sex? Yes. That’s what he’s spent most of my time here doing. His pal is just not interested,” Kairi said. She turned the faucet on and filled the vase. Yuffie gave her a look, which Kairi ignored as she cut the stems of the orchids and placed them in the vase. When she was done arranging the flowers Kairi gave her a small smile. “So shall we do this date thing later today, like after the sun rises?”

“Why not now?” Yuffie asked, quite puzzled.

“Because it’s after midnight, you vampire bat,” Kairi said teasingly. “And unlike you, I can’t stay up all night. I usually conk out pretty soon.”

“Fine,” grumbled Yuffie. “We’ll meet for ice cream tomorrow. Tenish, at the Diamond Dust six blocks east of here.”

Kairi smiled faintly at the suggestion before nodding. She walked Yuffie to the front door, which was when Yuffie kissed her. This time Kairi didn’t seem quite as surprised as she didn’t freak out. Maybe it was her imagination, but Yuffie thought she even kissed back. Kairi had seriously calmed down since Yuffie last saw. That might be part of the reason she had called Yuffie in the first place.

“Until tomorrow,” Yuffie said, grinning.

*** 

The next morning Yuffie woke up warm and content. She had a date with Kairi later that day. Sure, it was at an ice cream parlor in the middle of winter, but since Kairi agreed to it, Yuffie wasn’t complaining. Ice cream was something fun and easy that could be enjoyed any time of the year. Yuffie took a leisurely shower and then ate breakfast. It took quite a while picking out her outfit, the shirt she had originally wanted turned out to be in the wash, and she wanted to look her best for the date. Finally though she was ready to go. Just as she was pulling on her roller blades Yuffie glanced at the microwave clock. It read 10:54 am. Yuffie screamed. She was almost an hour late for her date.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” Yuffie swore as she viciously tugged her blades on.

Her frenzied haste made her clumsy and it took her four attempts to secure the straps. Then she fell down half a flight of stairs before her feet remembered how to skate. Yuffie burst out of her building and onto the busy sidewalk. Considering the population of Tokyo, Yuffie made excellent time by ducking and weaving through the crowd. Though it was true anyone who saw her coming gave Yuffie wide berth. No one wanted to get flattened.

She made it to the ice cream parlor by 11:30. After slamming into the glass door, she entered cautiously and looked for her redhead. No luck, Kairi wasn’t in the shop. Yuffie growled, ran her hands through her hair and sat down on the counter. As she looked up with her hands still in her hair Yuffie spied Rikku behind the counter. That was a huge surprise. She had forgotten her friend worked at this particular ice cream shop. So it was an extremely lucky coincidence to find her. 

“Two-K!” Yuffie yelped, “Have you seen Kairi?”

Rikku looked at her blankly. “Who?”

“Red hair, purple eyes, great body,” Yuffie said, leaning heavily on the counter. “We were supposed to meet here.”

“Well, there was a girl in here with red hair,” Rikku said slowly. She shrugged before continuing. “She was in here for at least an hour, then left maybe a few minutes ago.” Before she had even finished speaking Yuffie ran out of the shop.

“Stupid alarm clock dying on today of all days,” Yuffie muttered as she skated along. While she had no idea where Kairi might have decided to go Yuffie figured there was a chance she’d head back to her cousin’s place so she was skating along the most direct route there. Yuffie continuously looked around the snowy streets hoping to spot red hair. She was an accomplished enough skater that she wasn’t too worried about the ground beneath her feet, but safety was the last thing on her mind at the moment.

Yuffie was a romantic idiot. She hated to admit it, but who else besides a hopeless romantic would chase after a girl she barely knew in the middle of winter? Yuffie had no idea if she was going in the right direction to find Kairi or why she was going to such extremes. All she knew was that at twenty, she was sick of messing up constantly. Maybe if she had shown up on time and actually had the date she would have found Kairi boring and incompatible. Maybe they’d start something, but have it quickly fall apart due to the long distance aspect of any relationship Yuffie would ever have. Maybe Yuffie chose the wrong direction to race off in and she’d never see the redhead again. These possibilities were all far more likely than Yuffie finding true love this afternoon. Despite all this there was just something special about Kairi that Yuffie couldn’t describe. She just had a sense that if she let that redhead get away she’d regret it for the rest of her life.

Then she saw it: red hair across the street rapidly moving away from her. Yuffie knew it had to be Kairi; after all, how many redheads were there in Tokyo? Yuffie stopped and yelled, “Kairi!”

The girl didn’t seem to hear her, or at least she didn’t stop. Yuffie growled, she had already messed up enough today and she wasn’t going to screw up again. Yuffie took thirty seconds to analyze, Kairi was moving away on the other side of the busy street. If she tried to find a crosswalk, she’d have to wait for it and Kairi could be gone forever before Yuffie could make it across. She’d have to do something desperate if she didn’t want her date to get away. 

‘Screw it,’ Yuffie thought angrily, ‘I’m going to do what the Great Ninja Yuffie would do.’

Then, ignoring the strange looks she was getting, Yuffie staked to the edge of the street and started climbing a bus. People inside of the vehicle were giving her weird looks, but she made it to the roof. She skated down the roof and nimbly hopped onto the top of a nearby taxi. She might have left a small dent in the roof of the car, but she was certain that would buff out later. For once Yuffie was happy for the overpopulation and gridlocked streets. She skated then leaped from car roof to car roof, slowly gaining on her friend.

“Kairi!” Yuffie shouted once she was closer. “Kairi!”

The girl turned around. The anger on her face was immediately replaced by shock. Kairi stared in awe as Yuffie finished her aerial crossing. With a flourish Yuffie leaped off the roof of the last car with the intent to skate neatly to a stop in front of Kairi. Unfortunately, the combination of ice and a newly busted brake from landing wrong on the back of a pickup truck meant that Yuffie ran Kairi over instead. 

They hit the ground in a tangle of limbs. Yuffie, since she bowled Kairi over, was on top. The girls lay there panting for a minute while they tried to recover. Yuffie was exhausted from using her ninja skills. It had been far too long since she had bothered doing anything like leaping across the top of a bunch of cars and she could feel it. Kairi was quiet underneath her. This worried Yuffie, but when she looked down she could see that the redhead was still awake and aware, with her attention on Yuffie, so the ninja was pretty certain she was going to be okay.

“What is wrong with you?” Kairi barked. She pushed the older girl off of her.

“Don’t be mad,” Yuffie pleaded. “My alarm clock died. I came as fast as I could, but you were already gone, and Rikku was no help, so I ran over cars when I saw you because I want there to be an us.” They sat there again with Kairi starring and Yuffie silently pleading for forgiveness through a painfully wide and unsure grin. She had already pushed way past her luck, but Yuffie wanted to make things clear about how she felt. She knew she wouldn’t get any more chances. 

“Yuffie,” Kairi began.

“I’ve fallen for you,” Yuffie said quietly, “at least twice.”

“I must be insane,” Kairi said more to herself than to Yuffie. The girl stood up and offered Yuffie a hand. Yuffie took it. She slowly pulled Yuffie to her feet. The pair started to walk down the sidewalk, ignoring the strange looks they were getting. Kairi smiled hesitantly at her. “Those were some fancy moves you used back there. Where did you learn to jump like that?”

“My dad,” Yuffie said with a slight smile, “He’s a dojo master in Wutai, taught me almost everything he knew. We had a big falling out when he found out that I’m, you know… a chick who likes chicks.”

“Well it was really something,” Kairi said with a laugh. “I thought you were going to break your neck.”

“Well excuse me, I figured our kids would want some excitement in the story of how their moms met,” Yuffie said as she wrapped an arm around the other girl’s shoulders.

“But this isn’t how we met,” Kairi said sounding annoyed. She stopped and gave Yuffie a strange look. “What kids?” she asked unsurely.

“Oh, the ones we’ll have later on,” Yuffie said. She leaned in and kissed Kairi on the cheek before adding, “Don’t sweat it.”

“I wanna take things one step at a time,” Kairi said, looking at Yuffie out of the corner of her eye.

“We will,” Yuffie promised.

“As for the first step,” Kairi said, “do you know of someplace where we can get warm?”

“I believe I do,” Yuffie said with a smile. And she did.


	3. Surfing for Chocobos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of adult content in this chapter, though it's not between who you might think. I give warning on this as it's the first and one of the main reasons why this story has its particular rating.

“Kairi?”

“Yes, Yuf?” Kairi responded sleepily.

“Do you think Cloud is lonely?”

Kairi stretched and yawned. She had been asleep until Yuffie decided this pertinent question needed answering right now and poked her awake. At the moment she couldn’t even understand the question, much less remember who Cloud was. However, she was used to her girlfriend going off on strange tangents at the oddest moments, so it didn’t take her that long to figure out what Yuffie was talking about. She just wasn’t certain why they needed to talk about her boss at four in the morning.

“Do you, Kairi?” Yuffie asked. She wrapped an arm around Kairi’s waist and pulled her close.

“I have no idea if Cloud Strife is lonely or has any emotions at all. He resembles a workaholic ice cube and makes your friend, Leon, look like a squealing fangirl,” Kairi yawned. “I’m sorry Yuffie. I’m still asleep and just can’t believe that you want to talk about my boss’s emotional state at this hour.”

“It’s okay, you can be cranky. It’s late after all,” the older girl said. “Or early.” Kairi couldn’t see in the darkness, but she knew Yuffie was grinning from the teasing tone of her voice. While she had no idea what Yuffie found so funny, Kairi wasn’t interested in figuring it out at the moment. 

“So can I get back to sleep?” Kairi asked. “Unlike you, I have to get up in an hour to get ready for work.”

“Sleep,” scoffed Yuffie. The ninja planted a trail of kisses down Kairi’s back. That certainly woke Kairi up. “I have a much better idea than sleeping,” she whispered into Kairi’s ear. The matter of Cloud Strife was forgotten.

***

“I want you to type up the Katzroy and the Farron cases by lunch and have the client list properly updated. If that Shinra lawyer calls, let me know; otherwise don’t bother me this morning. You’re to sit in on the meeting with the Zabac family and take notes. Do you understand, Hart?”

“Yes Mr. Strife,” Kairi said demurely. 

Cloud Strife knew how to kill a morning by packing on the work the moment she stepped into his office. She was expected to be in Strife’s office at seven sharp every day; otherwise she wouldn’t pass probation. Punctuality was important at this firm. Her day always started with a laundry list of tasks that kept her busy for every second of the day, especially if she ran into any snags. This often happened, as the world wasn’t half as orderly and efficient as Cloud seemed to think it should be. This meant that staying past the firm’s normal business hours was to be expected. Kairi had the special honor of being Cloud’s personal assistant as she had proven to be, in Cloud’s words, ‘not completely incompetent.’

‘I wish he’d bestow this particular honor on someone else,’ Kairi thought bitterly as she was about to leave the room.

“Hart,” Strife said as he scanned the newspaper.

“Yes, Sir?” she asked dutifully.

“Get me the file on the Shumi activists before you do anything else. A moomba hive is scheduled for demolition.”

“Yes Sir.” 

After the redhead retrieved the file, Strife’s office was shut for the morning. She gave a sigh of relief and got to work on her projects. Kairi knew she should feel special. She was Cloud Strife’s personal assistant. With big blue eyes and spiky blond hair Cloud Strife looked more like he belonged in a J-Pop group than a courtroom. In actuality Cloud was considered one of the country’s best environmental attorneys and had founded the firm Strife & Associates. He was as ruthless and relentless as the corporations he pursued. The point of this job for Kairi was getting the chance to eventually learn the basics of lawyering from the best, but that wouldn’t happen until after she finished college and actually entered law school. In order for this to happen she’d have to overcome every instinct she had not to gorge his eyes out. Cloud wasn’t the easiest person to work for.

Kairi had just finished typing up the notes from Farron folder when Strife’s door opened. She squeaked and quickly grabbed the folders. She had thought she still had half an hour left before turning her work over. It was done, but needed assembling. Kairi shuffled it into a presentable state at the cost of her desk’s organization before gingerly offering it to her boss. Strife took the folders and carelessly tossed her hard work onto his desk. He locked his office door before turning back to her.

“There has been a change in plans,” he said calmly. “As the Zabac family has several previously unknown time constraints, we are meeting them for lunch instead of here at the firm. Make certain you bring both your notepad and equipment. This is still a work meeting.”

“Where are we going?” Kairi asked, moving to comply with his orders.

“A steakhouse.” He paused, blinking. “Be on your best behavior as you will be representing the firm. As this is a work related expense your meal will be covered, however I strongly suggest against imbibing. We still have a full schedule of work this afternoon after the meeting.”

“Yes…” Kairi trailed off. Her mind went blank and she wasn’t certain what else to say to her boss. Cloud was ready to go, so Kairi figured she’d best pack up quickly. He wasn’t the most patient man. Then her phone went off. She could hear the Mission Impossible theme music blaring out of her purse. That was Yuffie’s personalized ring tone. Normally her lunch hour was a fine time for Yuffie to call, but this wasn’t a normal lunch hour.

“Your purse seems to have a movie fetish,” Strife said.

“I have to take this, sir, can you give me two minutes?” Kairi asked in a panic. “I can pack while I talk.” Cloud crossed his arms, but he nodded instead of walking off without her. Kairi pulled out her phone and answered it.

“A chocobo,” Yuffie said.

“What?” Kairi asked. She wasn’t in the mood to play a guessing game. She needed to find her notes on the Zabacs.

“We should get Cloud a chocobo,” Yuffie said enthusiastically.

‘Oh god, not this again.’ Kairi groaned as she stole a glance at her boss. He was checking his watch. Kairi needed to end this. “Can we talk about this later?” she hissed.

“Why this is your lunch break, isn’t it?” asked Yuffie, “I can talk to you on your lunch break.”

“Yes, but my boss is taking me out to lunch,” Kairi said. She found the last folder she needed, which she held up for Cloud to see before shoving it into her bag with her other things. “It’s work related.”

“Cloudster trying to get some action, eh?” Yuffie said. She sounded annoyed. “Well not with my woman he don’t!” she bellowed into the phone. She was loud enough her voice could still be heard quite clearly after Kairi pulled the phone away from her ear. Cloud could probably hear Yuffie too.

Kairi did something she knew she’d regret later, but was the best solution for the moment. She disconnected the call and turned her phone off. She tucked the phone back into her purse, brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, and looked toward Cloud, nodding to convey she was ready. Cloud’s only facial expression change was that his eyebrows were raised.

“Dare I ask?” he said.

“That was my friend, Yuffie. She gets weird ideas sometimes,” Kairi explained before changing the subject. She wasn’t particularly comfortable discussing her personal life with Cloud. They didn’t have that sort of relationship. “So the Zabac case, Sir. Can you tell me anything before we arrive?” Strife started to explain what she could and could not do since she was there as a clerical function only. Kairi was relieved Strife was willing to drop the conversation about the phone call. His total lack of interest in her personal life was most appreciated in these sorts of moments.

The lunch meeting went quite well. While Mr. Zabac was practically mute his wife prattled on in a meandering fashion. Kairi had a difficult time finding the meaning in her statements, but Cloud did an excellent job in summing up her statements when he clarified them. While her notes may not have been the most pristine as she was also eating, they held all the pertinent information discussed. Cloud would be pleased. The afternoon passed in a blur as she flew through her work. Of course all of her coworkers left before she did, but she was able to leave only a half an hour or so after that. Kairi considered that a win.

After work Kairi went over to Yuffie’s apartment. After the way she ended their earlier conversation Kairi knew her girlfriend would think they were estranged. Yuffie was always so dramatic, but a simple conversation would fix everything. When she got there Yuffie was nowhere to be found. Instead Kairi got Yuffie’s roommate, Rikku, who was not pleased to see her.

“Can you explain why Yuffie was crying when I got home?” demanded Rikku. “She says you were cheating on her with a piece of the weather.” All of Kairi’s annoyance at Yuffie evaporated. Kairi hated making people cry, especially her little ninja-surfer. 

“My boss brought me along to a client lunch today and Yuffie got the wrong impression when she called,” Kairi said rubbing her temples. She did not need this right now. “As for the weather thing, I can only assume that’s because my boss’s name is Cloud.”

“Oh,” Rikku said. She sounded a lot calmer now.

“Where is Yuffie?” Kairi asked.

“Ocean,” Rikku said automatically. “She said she was going to her favorite surfing spot.”

“Lovely,” Kairi sighed. 

She caught a train to the beach. It began drizzling on the ride over, but the heavens only broke open once she got off the train. Grumbling Kairi pulled out her umbrella and headed toward Yuffie’s favorite spot. If she could quickly retrieve her girlfriend Kairi would be able to remain relatively dry.

Once there she quickly scanned the coast for Yuffie. As the beach was deserted it was a simple enough matter to spot her out in the surf. From the beach Yuffie looked like she was walking on water. Actually, more like she was dancing on it. The way the waves crested hid her surfboard so all one could see was her lithe figure spinning and twirling atop the crest of the waves. Yuffie looked like a water sprite playing with the tides. Kairi would have found this breath taking if she hadn’t already seen Yuffie surf at her best. 

“Yuffie!” she yelled out at the figure. Getting no response, Kairi walked up to the edge of the water. She grimaced when the tide ran unexpectedly past the wave line and over her high heels. ‘I spent seventy bucks on those heels and they had been on sale too,’ she thought sadly. ‘Yuffie had better appreciate if I accidentally wrecked these heels for her. Next time I won’t chase her to the beach when she jumps to the wrong conclusion and gallops off on some strange fantasy.’

Kairi continued to watch her surfer. Sooner or later she would look up. That’s when Kairi could catch her attention and make her come to shore. Hopefully Yuffie would look up soon. Instead, Yuffie turned on a wave too sharply and lost her balance, falling off her board. She fell into the water while the surfboard went sailing along without her. Either Yuffie hadn’t bothered with her surf leash or it snapped. When Yuffie didn’t immediately resurface Kairi got worried. After almost a minute had passed with no sign of Yuffie she needed to act.

“Yuffie!” screamed Kairi.

She ripped off her suit jacket as she ran into the waves. Her heels came off, stuck in the sand before the waves washed them away. When she was waist deep in the water, she stopped running in favor of the breaststroke. It was faster. Visibility conditions were awful, but Kairi had swum in worse weather before, though not by choice. If she couldn’t find Yuffie soon she’d have to head back to shore and call the coast guard. It wouldn’t do Yuffie any good if Kairi got swept out to sea and drown during her rescue attempt.

After having a particularly large wave roll through her, Kairi finally caught sight of her. With a series vicious kicks vigorous enough to work off her stockings Kairi reached Yuffie. She grabbed her girlfriend by the wetsuit and pulled her close. Yuffie was experienced enough with the ocean that she shouldn’t panic during a rescue, that was where inexperienced rescuers often had the most trouble, but her lack of response left Kairi far more worried.

Kairi wrapped her arms around Yuffie and aimed toward shore. She let her legs do all the work, mostly focusing on keeping her bearings and breathing when the waves allowed it. She tried not to think about the girl in her arms. Until she was on dry land there was nothing else she could do to help. Worrying about it now would distract her and make her take longer to reach safe ground.

As soon as she could stand Kairi did so. Carrying Yuffie without the water’s assistance was more difficult, but it was also faster. It also meant there would be less water permeating her lungs. In her head Kairi began reviewing her CPR training. Everyone received the training annually in high school on the Islands, but she had never needed to put her training to use on her own before.

Luckily, it appeared Kairi wouldn’t need to put it to the test. When the waves only reached Kairi’s calves Yuffie started coughing and hacking. Her body went tense in Kairi’s arms and she could feel Yuffie cling to her. The unexpected tight grip almost undid Kairi. She was so relieved Yuffie had begun responding on her own. Kairi sank into the sand, doing her best to gently lower her girlfriend as the surfer continued to cough up water. Kairi’s hold was firm, but gentle as she monitored Yuffie’s recovery. When she was finally breathing in a way that resembled regularity Kairi pulled her into a tight embrace. She buried her head into the shoulder of the wet suit. Even after Yuffie began petting her Kairi didn’t move.

“I thought I had lost you,” Yuffie said softly.

“You’re an idiot,” Kairi said quietly from Yuffie’s shoulder. She pinched Yuffie’s arm and looked up into her face. “You of all people should know better than to stay in the water under these kinds of conditions.”

“They literally only just turned bad. I was about to come in,” Yuffie said. Kairi refused to accept this answer even though she knew it was true. She was mad. She felt Yuffie kiss the top of her head. “I was just trying to make myself feel better after our fight.”

“I love you more than I could love anybody else in the entire universe.” She wiped some of the sea brine off her face and continued, “and how can you think any different I have no idea. How can you possibly do something as stupid as surf in this weather, depressed, and without someone to spot for you? If I hadn’t shown up, you could be dead!”

“I am an idiot,” Yuffie agreed. She grinned and kissed her. “But I’m alive and you love me and that’s all that matters.” Then she pushed her way out of Kairi’s arms and scrambled to her feet. She leaned down and offered Kairi a hand up, which she accepted. “Come on Kairi. You can have my dry clothes. Well, unless you like standing around in only your underwear. That’s fine with me. More of you for me to look at, but it might make getting home a little harder.”

Kairi squawked in embarrassment. She hadn’t felt awkwardly self-conscious until Yuffie pointed out her state of undress. There hadn’t been any time to do so. She snatched up Yuffie’s offered clothes and pulled them on in the rain. They were soaked almost instantly, but at least she’d be allowed onto the train home. Kairi had no idea where most of her outfit had gone. At least she had salvaged the most important thing the sea had taken from her. They went home soaking wet and sharing a towel.

***

That weekend girls wound up in a pet store. This was an unexpected stop, but they were wandering around the storefronts in the shopping district and stumbled upon it. When Yuffie saw that it specialized in miniature chocobos she insisted they take a look around. Baby chocobos were irresistible. Yuffie declared it a sign that they had to find a pet for Cloud, as no human could possibly love Kairi’s boss. As she still hadn’t fully gotten over Yuffie’s recent brush with mortality Kairi decided to indulge her whim, even if she had her doubts about this plan.

“Hey, think a chocobo would be good?” Yuffie asked as she looked at the small birds. She cooed at them softly. Several of the closer ones responded in kind.

“Yuffie,” Kairi said softly. “For all I know, Strife only considers chocobos good for eating. We can’t pick out a pet for my boss. And that is final.”

Yuffie looked at her with large puppy eyes. “But,” she started.

“No,” Kairi said firmly.

“Please,” the ninja whined.

“No,” she said again.

“Kairi,” Yuffie pleaded.

“Yuffie, so help me god, if you love me, you will try to get my boss a pet,” Kairi said firmly, “Cloud Strife can get his own bloody pet if he wants one.”

The shopkeeper glanced uncertainly at both girls and asked, “You work for Cloud Strife?”

Kairi nodded as she turned, finally registering the clerk’s presence. Whenever she was out with Yuffie her ability to focus other people decreased dramatically. He was blonde tiny fellow and he looked younger than she did, though looks could certainly be deceiving. The tag on his chest said his name was ‘Link.’

“The lawyer?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said with a frown. She hoped he wasn’t about to launch into a complaint about the fellow or even worse, praise. What she really wanted was for people to stop bringing him up to her outside of work. She had to deal with him enough there.

The boy’s face brightened considerably. “I know him,” he said cheerfully. “Setting him up with a new pet wouldn’t be good, as he already has enough. Besides, one should never buy pets for someone else.”

“Why not?” Yuffie asked.

“Because you don’t pick your pet, your pet picks you. So your little buddy wants you and no one else,” Link said with a smile. “They’d be sad if you gave them away to somebody else.”

Kairi smiled, the boy had managed to do something she could not: Link had talked Yuffie out of buying Strife a pet. The madness was finally over. Maybe they could go back to her place soon and watch a movie or play some video games. Anything that didn’t involve a certain lawyer or all the strife he seemed to be causing in her life.

Yuffie looked to Kairi. “Can we get a pet, Kairi?” she asked they intertwined their fingers.

‘Oh shit,’ Kairi thought as she stared at her girlfriend. “Where would we keep it?” she asked being the voice of reason.

“My apartment, we’re allowed pets for an extra fee. Or your apartment, it has the same deal,” Yuffie said with a grin.

“It does?” Kairi asked, surprised. She should have read her lease more carefully.

“Yeah,” Yuffie said happily. She was already driving cracks into Kairi’s armor for her sudden and entirely unexpected I-want-a-pet campaign, “In the third article, fifth page, second paragraph of your lease it said that for an extra ten bucks a month, you can have a pet.” 

“You read my lease,” Kairi said in amazement. Yuffie had never gotten around to reading her own lease—she never bothered to read the terms of use for anything—so how could she possibly have read Kairi’s lease? Kairi suspected Yuffie had actually had this pet plan in place fore longer than she had realized. Maybe all of her concern for Cloud had been some sort of elaborate plot with a chocobo for them as the endgame. Well, if that was the case Kairi was willing to fall for it. She had always liked the wild chocobos back home on the Islands.

“Yep,” Yuffie said. She wrapped an arm around Kairi’s shoulders and pulled her close. “A pet would also keep you company, Kairi, in three weeks I’ll be gone for the rest of the summer on the surfing circuit. You’ll need somebody to keep you warm at night while I’m gone, so why not a cute fluffy chocobo?”

“Okay,” Kairi said slowly, “we can get a chocobo.”

“Sweet!” Yuffie shouted, punching the air. “Let’s get a badass one.”

“How did you learn to pitch sales so well?” Link asked. He seemed a bit stunned Yuffie’s tactics were so effective.

“Girl Scouts,” Yuffie said with a laugh. “Can we see the birdies?”

“Help yourselves,” he said, pointing toward the pens. They took up the back half of the shop, which made sense as this was a chocobo specialty store. “however, you must know, the two mature black birds are not for sale.” 

“Why not?” Yuffie asked, “they yours?”

Link nodded. He then ushered Kairi over to the pen. She leaned over and looked into the largest pen. There were miniature chocobo of all various shapes, sizes, and colors. Kairi didn’t know a whole lot about the birds. She knew finding one with a compatible personality was important, but size and shape meant very little to her. She did understand color preferences though and was please to see Link had a lot of variety in that department. Besides the traditional yellow ones, there were blue, green, brown, black, purple, red, pink, gold, white, and one color she couldn’t identify.

“Is that a silver chocobo?” Kairi asked squinting at the one she could swear was sulking in a corner next to some roses. It seemed to be annoyed by the pink one hovering nearby that was either trying to flirt with it or the rosebush.

“Yep, that silver one is Zexion,” Link said before he climbed onto the pen. He waded through the birds over to the corner and pulled the pink chocobo off the rosebush. “Marluxia,” Link demanded, “How many times have I told you the rosebush is not interested in you? Plants are not willing to have inter-kingdom relationships. Stop trying to mate with it!”

Kairi had to laugh at the stupidity of the pink bird. She turned to see Yuffie had also climbed into the pen. The surfer held up a struggling dishwater-blond bird. She was laughing and pointing at the bird’s unusual crest.

“Kairi,” Yuffie said with a grin, “This bird has a mullet!”

“Yes, Demyx does have some unusual growth patterns in his plumage. I hadn’t noticed the resemblance before though,” Link said. “Could you put him down? He isn’t very fond of heights.”

“Are all the birds named?” Kairi asked. She thought it would be a little weird to get a pre-named pet.

“Yes,” Link said, “I’ve named them all as it makes it a lot easier to train them. Chocobos are extremely intelligent and resent just being referred to as ‘hey you’ all the time. Especially when you refer to everyone in the flock the same way. If you want to name your own chocobo, you’ll have to wait until the next batch of eggs hatch. That won’t happen until October.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with that black one?” Yuffie asked. 

She pointed at a rather bedraggled looking bird. It was rather mangy looked and seemed to be missing many of its feathers. The bird was curled up on a cushion in a corner. The black coat was dull and its red eyes were so bloodshot that perhaps the eye color was actually something else. Next to the crappy looking bird was another black chocobo. This was a fine looking specimen with purple eyes and a glossy coat. He, Kairi got the sense that it was a he, was trying to preen the other chocobo, but the bedraggled bird was having none of it.

“That’s Vinnie,” Link said sadly. “He’s my bird and he’s in love. Unfortunately.”

“How is that a bad thing?” Yuffie asked, “Being in love is wonderful.”

“He’s in love with a moogle,” Link rolled his eyes. “Intra-species relationships rarely work. He spends most of his time mooning over Lucrecia—” Kairi noticed Vinnie perk up at the name, “—to the detriment of his health. You’d think he’d take better care of himself so that he could attract her, but instead he just mopes when she isn’t around.”

“Who’s his big beautiful buddy?” Kairi asked teasingly. She smiled as he preened at her compliments.

“That’s Zack,” Link said, “He lives with a friend of mine. I baby-sit him while his master is at work.”

“Neat,” Kairi said as she looked through the chocobos. Something about Yuffie’s enthusiasm, the birds themselves, and Kairi’s own childhood desire for a pet made Kairi want a chocobo. She climbed into the pen then sat on the floor so she could observe them better. One of them would turn out to be right for her. All Kairi had to do was sit and wait.

Then she saw her. She was a small chocobo, with the common canary-yellow plumage and orange stalk-like legs. Her beak and talons were on the small side, though still serviceable. The bird stood silently next to the edge of the pen, uncertainly watching her rougher brethren at play. She seemed shy. When Kairi moved to get a better look at the bird she caught the bird’s attention. That was when Kairi noticed she had one blue eye and one green eye. Kairi loved her instantly.

“That’s Yuna,” Link said softly. He turned to Yuffie and smiled. “I think you’ve found your chocobo,” he said.

An hour later, the girls and Yuna left the pet shop with twenty pounds of assorted chocobo greens. Yuna also had a new collar, harness, leash, and water bowl. Yuna also received thorough examination from Link where he explained how Kairi should perform daily maintenance and care of the bird. Chocobos were hardy creatures, but when they did manage to injure themselves it easily turned serious. They were also smart enough to be toilet trained, though he hadn’t gotten around to it yet with Yuna. With a couple weeks of hard work she could be trained, but in the mean time they should put old newspapers down. Kairi was suddenly thankful that Yuffie was too lazy to collect and recycle all of her old newspapers.

Apparently Link was actually a veterinarian, specializing in chocobos. He had attended the University of Midgar for Veterinary Medicine and had studied with the great Chocobo Sage, the man who first bred birds of three extremely popular colorations. Yuffie asked him why he was running the shop if he was actually a vet. Link explained that the shop was actually run by a collective of chocobo breeders in the area who took turns hawking their birds there. He did a bit of breeding on the side and normally found homes for all his chicks through his practice. However, when he did have a larger brood of unplaced birds at this stage in their development Link would rent the shop out for a few days.

On the way home Kairi had to swing by work to drop off a report. Even though it was Saturday night and she wasn’t due back until Monday morning, Kairi knew Strife wanted it the sooner the better. He spent a lot of time in the office on weekends. Strife liked the quiet for his more detail-oriented work. He’d read it Sunday so that he’d be ready to act as soon as business allowed. Strife & Associates prided itself on its efficiency and rapid response time. Kairi left Yuffie, Yuna, and the chocobo supplies outside in the law parking lot while she ran inside. It would only take a moment and then they could go home after spending their first afternoon as a family strolling through the city.

She immediately noticed that something was off about the office, but it took her a little while to realize what was wrong. When she first came in the lights were on, and Kairi figured custodial must be in working at this hour, but she didn’t see their carts or hear them working. Then she noticed her desk was different from how she had left it Friday night. There was a leather jacket on it and when she approached it she noticed two black chocobos nestled in it. It was more than a little weird and she couldn’t help but stare at them as she turned her paperwork into the correct basket. She heard a strange noise. That was when she noticed Strife’s door was ajar. That alarmed Kairi. Cloud was always extremely meticulous about locking his door. He kept sensitive material in there. She needed to make certain nothing was wrong.

Kairi glanced at the two birds, both asleep, and then crept over to Strife’s door. If they were guard birds for a burglar they were doing a poor job of it. She peeked through the crack, but saw nothing, so she pushed the door open a bit more then stepped inside to investigate. She really hoped it wasn’t a burglar.

The first thing she saw was Cloud’s tie hanging off a potted plant. Then Kairi turned her gaze toward the desk and froze. It took her a little while for her brain to process what her eyes were seeing. Sweaty bodies with patches of flesh that had never seen the light of day greeted Kairi’s eye. There was a man bent over Strife’s desk. Kairi realized it was Link—the chocobos had seemed familiar—and he gripped the front of the desk incredibly hard. She could see his fingernails digging into the wood. Cloud stood behind him and was, thankfully, mostly obscured from her view. The image was scarring enough as it was. 

Her eyes inadvertently sought out Cloud’s face. Their eyes met. That was when Kairi finally got over her horror enough to flee. She silently backed out of the office and shut the door. Kairi sank to the floor and leaned against the door trying not to panic too hard. She was certain Link hadn’t noticed her presence, but her boss definitely saw her. This was awful and it could only get worse. She almost felt as if she had been the one caught having sex in the office. Kairi would have preferred the burglar.

She looked up at the two chocobos. If they made a fuss they could cause Cloud and Link to come out of the office. That was the last thing Kairi wanted at the moment. Zack had woken up and was glaring down his beak at her. He seemed to be admonishing her for peeking in on Cloud and Link. She had most definitely learned her lesson. She would never poke her nose anywhere uninvited again.

“Look,” Kairi said to the bird, “I didn’t mean to see that. I was never here. I am so sorry.”

Kairi hurried back outside to where Yuffie and Yuna were waiting. She wrapped her arms around Yuffie’s neck, which nearly caused the older girl to drop Yuna. It was a brief hug, mostly to remind Kairi that there were good wonderful things in life. She let go almost as quickly as she had grabbed her girlfriend. Then she bent down, grabbed the chocobo greens and stood up.

“Home. Now. No questions,” Kairi said to Yuffie. Yuffie smiled and offered her a hand, no questions asked. Kairi felt a flood of relief and gratitude as she accepted the hand. It was a quiet walk home. Usually Yuffie would chatter away about anything, but she seemed to sense Kairi needed the silence. When they entered Kairi’s apartment she realized she had best say something in case Yuffie’s campaign concerning Cloud wasn’t actually a ruse to get a pet for herself. The last thing she ever wanted to think about again was that man. After catching Yuffie’s attention she said, “Don’t ask me how I know, but I can say with absolute certainty that Cloud Strife is not lonely.”

Yuffie took her at her word. She didn’t bring him up again that evening. Instead they bird proofed Kairi’s apartment and cooked a frozen pizza. It was a nice low-key evening. Yuna seemed thrilled with her new surroundings and Kairi enjoyed rediscovering her home through the chocobo’s eyes. At first they planned to make Yuna spend the night out in the living room on the couch or a chair, but she just looked so lonely the girls agreed with just a shared look that she would spend the night with them.

As Kairi climbed into bed next to her lover and her chocobo, a realization hit her. She was going to have to see Cloud on Monday. In his office. ‘Oh fuck,’ she thought as she ran a hand across her face, ‘What am I gonna do? Do I even tell him?’ A more comforting thought occurred to her as Yuffie pulled her close to spoon. She had all of Sunday to figure out what she should do. ‘And things could be worse,’ Kairi thought sleepily, ‘I only saw my boss having sex with my veterinarian. They didn’t do it on my desk.’ Then Kairi fell asleep.

***

Monday came sooner than expected and Kairi was nearly late to work. Amazingly, the morning ritual of piling on the workload went as smoothly today as it had every other morning. Cloud was his usual brusque professional self as he laid out the day’s tasks. He did frown a bit more than usual, but she was pretty certain that was because she was almost late. The day was just like any other day, although Kairi was nervous and kept making minor errors. This increased her workload by quite a bit.

She made it through the day without interacting with her boss more than a few times. Kairi was grateful she didn’t have to any confrontation Cloud about Saturday night. She had packed up her things and couldn’t wait to see her little Yuna when she got home. Yuffie would turn up sooner or later with dinner or by that time Kairi would be ready to cook. Her mind had just left work mode when Cloud poked his head out of his office and beckoned Kairi inside.

She came into his office carrying her all of her gear. He motioned for her to sit in the empty seat in front of his desk. That suggested this was going to be an extended conversation. Exactly what she didn’t want. As Kairi sat, she noticed at the fingernail grooves on the front of the desk that Link had left. They were deep and it looked like there were more than ten. She realized that she had witnessed a regular after-hours occurrence and now had a better sense of why Cloud spent so much time at work. Kairi felt like a deer in the headlights.

Cloud cleared his throat and looked at her. ‘He knows,’ Kairi thought. ‘He knows and he’s going to fire me. I’ll end up on the streets and have to eat Yuna.’

“Ms. Hart, Kairi,” Cloud said, sounding a little unsure about using her first name. He had never called her by just her first name. “It has been a month since you first started working here for me.”

‘But I’m afraid that your work is not satisfactory and I have to let you go,’ Kairi thought bitterly.

“And in this time I have been able to gauge your proficiency and capabilities personally,” he continued. He hadn’t said it yet, but she knew the ax was coming. He was just dancing around the issue like anyone in management did before firing her. She couldn’t take another second of it.

“I’m sorry,” Kairi said. “I did not mean to walk in on that. I’m so sorry.”

“What?” Cloud asked.

“I didn’t mean to walk in on you and Link. If I had any idea what was going on, I wouldn’t have dropped off my report. I promise I will never come into the office on the weekend again.” Kairi was beginning to babble. “Don’t fire me. I only just got Yuna, I don’t wanna have to eat her.”

Cloud stared at her for a moment. Then he started to rub his temples and said, “Oh shit.”

Kairi stopped and stared at him. This was not the reaction she was expecting. Cloud was suppose to stay calm, ignore her protests, then hand her a check for two weeks and tell her it was a shame to have to let her go. Also, if she refused to leave, he would call security and have her forcibly removed from his office. He wasn’t supposed to sit there like he had a headache. She understood why he hadn’t mentioned his extra curricular activities to her, but she didn’t know why he didn’t acknowledge the fact she knew about them. He had to have seen her. He had looked right at her!

“Is there something wrong?” Kairi asked timidly, “Mr. Strife?”

Cloud looked up at her as his mouth quirked into a half smile. “Did you know that you’ve lasted the longest out of all the PAs I’ve ever had?” He asked.

Kairi stared at him.

“One month,” Cloud said, “The longest I’ve ever had a personal assistant, or hell any assistant, is three days. They usually run out of this law firm crying and saying that I’m a kamikaze bastard who expects too much and is too strict. I only assign as much work as I do. Is it too much to ask for competency?”

Kairi shook her head.

“Your work has been superb. I called you in here to congratulate you on lasting a month and to inform you that I’d like to keep hire you permanently. No more probation,” Cloud said. His smile was gone and he was looking at her again. “Instead of hearing me out you come and cry about being fired and eating someone.” He paused as if unsure about how to continue, “and um… me being involved with… Link.” There was a moment of uneasy silence.

“He left fingernail marks in your desk,” Kairi said. She hadn’t wanted to mention it, but she couldn’t help herself. Something had to fill the void and those marks were in her face demanding her attention.

Cloud’s eyebrows rose. He got up from his chair, leaned over his desk—again reminding Kairi of Saturday night—and examined the damage. He gave a low whistle and sat down again. He hadn’t noticed the marks before either. The marks weren’t that obvious until their origin was known. He looked defeated to her.

“So,” Cloud said in a resigned tone, “does this mean you want to quit or blackmail me?”

“Well,” Kairi said frankly, “even if the hours kinda suck I like having my job.”

“So how much do you want?” Cloud asked as he leaned back on his chair.

“Nothing!” Kairi yelped, “What kind of person do you think I am?”

“I spend my time trying to hold responsible companies that would quietly settle out of court or else deny they had any wrongdoing in cases that destroy people’s lives and the world we live in,” Cloud said. “They usually try menacing, intimidation, and fear mongering their victims if they can’t just ignore it or sweep it under the rug. If you think the way they treat the people is bad, you don’t even want to think about what they do to the environments they degrade and destroy all in the name of making a quick buck. So forgive me for assuming the worst about people.”

“So can we just forget the other night and this conversation ever happened?” Kairi asked hopefully.

Cloud nodded. He then stood up and leaned on his desk. “Congratulations on lasting through your first month at Strife & Associates. I look forward to you having many more.” Then he offered her his hand, which she readily accepted. They shook. “If you employ your work ethic to your studies I am certain that in half a dozen years, you’ll make a fine lawyer.”

As she walked out of the office, Cloud said, “I expect you in here at seven.”

Over her shoulder Kairi called back teasingly, “Yes boss.”

As she walked out of the law firm, Kairi knew she’d be back at seven the next morning. She’d be in Cloud Strife’s office every day at seven because he expected her to be there. Her workload would continue to be hellish, but she now knew she was appreciated. Cloud had faith in her and believed she’d make it through law school. She didn’t know much now, but Cloud was one of the best lawyers around and she planned to learn as much as she could from him. It would be difficult juggling this job and school once the summer ended, but Kairi thought she was up to the challenge. At least, she was if she could block out the images of Saturday night.


	4. Bonfires and Surfing Trophies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize I'm being a bit of a dink slowly posting an old imported work, so I'll get the rest of it posted quickly.

“Thank you, thank you, you’re all wonderful people,” Yuffie said happily. She wiped some sweat off her brow then accepted the offered trophy. It was a big heavy ostentatious hunk of metal, but when she hefted it the gathered crowd cheered. 

She scanned audience spotting a lot of excited happy children and adults. While she wasn’t the hometown favorite, everyone seemed excited that she had just won Besaid’s annual surfing competition. That didn’t surprise Yuffie, most people who met her liked her. When she hopped off the stage a group of excited children swarmed her. They all wanted her attention. After grinning and laughing with a few of them Yuffie squatted down in front of a little boy. He shyly offered her a pen and sheet of paper, which she accepted. She uncapped the pen and put it to the paper on her knee. “What’s your name kiddo?” she asked.

“Denzel,” he said softly. “My name is Denzel.”

“Well there, Denzel,” Yuffie said happily, “Let’s see… to D-E-N-Z-E-L, nice to meet you, little buddy. Your surfing pal, Yuffie Kisaragi.” After double-checking to make certain she had really written what she wanted, Yuffie handed the sheet back. Denzel smiled then faded into the crowd while others pushed forward to get Yuffie’s signature.

Yuffie signed thirty or forty autographs and made small talk before the crowd dispersed. Then Yuffie made her way over to Rikku. She traded her trophy for Rikku’s messenger bag in order to get a snack. To her surprise she found a note wrapped around her granola bars. She pulled it out.

“How’d this get in there?” Yuffie asked.

“Why don’t you give it a read?” Rikku said. Yuffie did. The note didn’t make much sense to her, just a silly rhyming poem. It might be a riddle. She eventually looked up to glower at her friend over the puzzling note. Rikku seemed really amused. Yuffie asked her what was so funny. Rikku laughed then said, “You should turn around.”

Rolling her eyes Yuffie looked behind her. She let out a short shriek and turned the rest of herself around. Kairi was standing there with a grin on her face. The surfer rushed her girlfriend and pulled her into a tight hug. Then she dragged her over to the rental car, pushing them both into the backseat. Rikku followed along at a slower pace, securing Yuffie’s things before getting into the driver’s seat.

“Hey there, good looking,” Yuffie purred into Kairi’s ear. She was having a hard time restraining herself from climbing into Kairi’s lap. There just wasn’t enough room for that sort of behavior here. Kairi always complained when Yuffie got her kneecap her spleen, which happened alarmingly frequently when they tried to get frisky in a backseat. “Did you leave me the note? It didn’t make any sense.”

“That was a copy of Lewis Caroll’s _Jabberwocky_. Rikku thought it would distract you long enough for me to surprise you,” Kairi said. She reached up and ran her fingers through Yuffie’s hair. Yuffie closed her eyes and leaned into the touch. “It seems she was right.”

Yuffie was thrilled that Kairi was here. She had hoped to sweep Kairi off her feet for a short island romance this summer, but their schedules hadn’t lined up. Kairi had work in Tokyo all summer, which now that Yuffie thought about it, made this meeting a little strange. She shrugged and leaned into the redhead, wrapping her arms around the other woman. Kairi was here now and that was all that mattered to Yuffie.

“So I know this great little sandwich shop,” Yuffie said. She opened her eyes to gaze at Kairi. “After dinner we can head back to my hotel room. There’s a jacuzzi.”

“A Jacuzzi?” Kairi said, giving her a look. Yuffie squirmed.

“It’s built for two,” Yuffie added.

“Hold it Yuffie,” Rikku said. She turned around and glared at the girls in the back. “We’re sharing a room and while I love you dearly, you two are not getting it on three feet away from me. I mean, talk about awkward.”

Yuffie glared at Rikku for cramping her style. Still, since Rikku’s statement startled a giggle from Kairi, the ninja couldn’t be too mad. She loved Kairi’s laugh. However, it was still embarrassing that Rikku would suggest she would do something to crass, so Yuffie swatted her a couple times until Kairi told her to knock it off. They didn’t need to crash.

That evening Yuffie took a bubble bath in the Jacuzzi. Alone unfortunately. She keenly watched Kairi brush her teeth. She was wearing her no nonsense fuchsia pajamas and sternly ignoring the nude girlfriend in the tub. This was a serious faux pas on Kairi’s part, which Yuffie tried to remedy by flicking soapsuds at her.

Kairi spit into the sink and turned to face her. She wiped bubbles from Yuffie’s attack off her sleeve. “It’s not that I don’t want to climb into that tub with you,” Kairi said. Yuffie waited silently for 'the but' that was clearly coming. “But even if Rikku is out for the moment I know we have to be good parents.”

‘Good parents, what is she talking about?’ Yuffie thought. Then it hit her. “Oh you brought Yunie!”

“You didn’t notice?” Kairi asked, dumbfounded. “We had dinner outside with her carrier under the table.”

Yuffie laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of her head. “I’ve been too busy staring at you.” Kairi looked annoyed. She huffed something about unobservant supposed ninjas, causing Yuffie to laugh. It wasn’t her fault Kairi drove her to distraction.

The bathroom door creaked open and in waddled Yuna. She had only been part of the family, as Yuffie liked to think of them, for two months, but she had helped make them a family. The bird clearly considered Kairi her mommy and Kairi had risen to the title. Yuffie knew that sharing a pet had solidified their relationship, even if the pet’s opinion of her generally wavered between ‘mommy’s best friend’ and ‘pest’ depending on whether or not Yuffie was trying to crawl into bed with Kairi. They hoped Yuffie would eventually grow on the chocobo. She had to, otherwise living together was going to get difficult very fast.

“Hey there, sweetie,” Kairi cooed. She scooped up the mini chocobo and sat down on the edge of the tub. Yuffie gently stroked Yuna’s beak.

“Hey Kairi,” Yuffie began, “while I love having you here, what are you doing here?”

“Oh,” Kairi said. She sounded rather embarrassed. “I forgot to tell you.”

“Forgot to tell me what?”

“I’m on my way to my best friends’ wedding,” Kairi said. “If you have the time, and I think there’s a week before your next competition, I was hoping you’d come with me. Please?”

Yuffie could hear eagerness, uncertainty, and a little fear in Kairi’s voice. She hated hearing any fear in Kairi. Uncertainty was okay, new experiences often caused that emotion before giving way to other happier feelings, but fear was bad. Fear caused confusion and misunderstandings that even Kairi’s innate super reasoning couldn’t dispel. Yuffie decided to slay her girlfriend’s fear before it grew into a dragon that could threaten their relationship.

“Well, I’ve never gone to a wedding, Squall and Aerith eloped, and I don’t have any fancy clothing on me,” Yuffie solemnly begin. She locked her eyes with Kairi’s then grinned. “But this wedding is important to you so I’ll come. Besides, I’ve got that break you mentioned and I wanted to spend it with you. This has gotta be easier than going home.”

Kairi smiled and gently kissed Yuffie. She brushed a bit of the ninja’s black hair behind her ear and said, “Selphie and I can get you some formalwear.”

Yuffie grinned at her family. “So either pass me a towel or climb into the tub,” she said teasingly. Kairi smirked as she set Yuna down on the floor. She reached up and undid the first button of her pajama top. Yuffie’s eyes widened. She hadn’t thought Kairi would take her up on the offer. Then redhead tossed a towel onto her girlfriend’s face before strolling out of the bathroom.

***

Riku had been secretly planning his wedding since he was nine years old. While the plan had changed greatly over the years—once he had wanted a Star Wars themed wedding—two things always remained the same. Sora was always the bridegroom and Riku would always walk down the aisle in a white wedding dress. He explained this dream, along with all the other salient details of the wedding, to the girls over lunch. When he finished his explanation he asked if they had any questions. 

“So is drag pretty normal for you?” Yuffie asked. Sora snorted causing soda to spew out his nose. He continued snickering while Kairi wiped the soda snot off the table. Riku was not amused and glared at Yuffie from across the table. Yuffie just smiled back, it was a reasonable question considering how much time Riku spent describing his wedding dress. 

Yuffie turned away from the glaring boy across the table to look at Kairi. The redhead was immersed in conversation with Sora, but she gave Yuffie a warm smile when she noticed her looking. She looked really happy and totally unaffected by Riku’s glare. Sora seemed totally unaffected too. Maybe this was a completely normal situation for them.

“No,” snapped Riku. “I’ve never worn a dress or any other lady stuff in my life and I’ve never wanted to.” Riku paused and bit his lip. His expression softened. “Except for this. Technically, no one needs to wear a wedding dress as the most important part of this is having the people we love there to help us celebrate, but a wedding doesn’t feel right to me without someone in a wedding dress. So I’m going to wear one.”

“That’s so sweet, Riku. I’m glad to hear you’re doing the wedding your way,” Kairi said, smiling.

“If things turn out right you only wear a wedding dress once in a lifetime,” Riku said. He brushed some of his silver curls out of his eyes and smirked. “I thought I’d take my chance. Besides, the only demands Sora has for the wedding were that we have a chocolate wedding cake and that he isn’t stuck in a dress.”

“Damn straight,” Sora grinned.

“And yet nothing else about this wedding is remotely straight,” Kairi said dryly. She tugged on Yuffie’s sleeve. “Come on, Yuf. We need to get you a formal dress. Let’s go.”

The girls slipped out of the booth and left the burger shop. Kairi said that they were supposed to meet some girl named Selphie. She was going to help Kairi pick out Yuffie’s dress. Yuffie had some bad vibes about the entire thing—she liked surfing, not shopping—but she’d go along with it anyway for Kairi’s sake.

Selphie was a ball of electricity disguised as a girl. She literally bounced onto Kairi, pulling her into a tight hug upon meeting. Kari took the highly physical greeting in stride before prying her friend off so that she could introduce Selphie to Yuffie. If Yuffie had thought Selphie’s greeting to Kairi had been excessive, that was nothing compared to the one she got. This time Selphie screeched and then threw herself onto Yuffie, almost knocking her over as she asked questions in rapid succession. Yuffie couldn’t actually make out what the girl clinging to her was saying. She looked to Kairi for help.

“Selphie,” Kairi said. She reached out and gently pried the hyper girl off her girlfriend. “We need your help with something very important.”

“Yeah? What up?” Selphie asked. She instantly let go of Yuffie to get a better look at Kairi.

“I kinda sprung the wedding on Yuffie at the last second, so she doesn’t have any formal wear,” Kairi said. “Can you help my roommate pick out a dress?” Yuffie frowned and mouthed the word ‘roommate’ at Kairi, getting an apologetic wince in response. Apparently Kairi wasn't out at home. Not ideal in the slightest. At least she had decided to bring Yuffie home to meet the people most important to her. Yuffie could deal with that. Coming out was hard and she wasn’t about to shove anyone out of the closet.

“I would be honored!” Selphie squealed. “I’ve got the best fashion sense ever!”

She grabbed both Yuffie and Kairi by the arm and pulled them down the street. Yuffie turned to look Kairi for guidance. The redhead seemed to be enjoying the strange behavior so she decided to roll with it. Who knows, maybe this crazy girl could make dress-shopping fun. At least there would be less sniping between her and Kairi with a third party involved. Yuffie was almost looking forward to it, but then they reached the dress shop and she remembered that they were dress shopping for her. She took a deep breath before entering the shop and made a quick prayer to Leviathan that this would be as painless as possible. Yuffie’d take all the help she could get.

“Yellow just isn’t her color, Selphie,” Kairi said. She turned to the brunette and smiled, trying hard not to laugh. “Maybe we should try purple.”

Yuffie sighed. This yellow strappy thing was the sixth dress they had tried. That was six too many in Yuffie’s opinion, but nobody listened to her. Selphie declared that Yuffie had the fashion sense of an aardvark after she had randomly chosen the first dress that came to hand. She’d look better in a suit, but the shops around here didn’t have anything in ladies’ sizes. There weren’t a lot of fancy clothing shops around period. In fact, they were in the only shop of this type in the archipelago. Now she didn’t bother saying anything because she was certain she’d just be stuck wearing whatever evil thing Selphie and Kairi agreed upon.

Yuffie walked back into the dressing room to take off the dress. Kairi followed her in to assist. It was a small room, there was barely enough space in it for Yuffie to feel comfortable. When she reached out as far as she could Yuffie could lay both her hands flatly on the walls of the room. Maybe that was a generous size for a dressing room, but it made her a touch uncomfortable. Especially when she needed Kairi in there too. The second body made the room uncomfortably warm. None of the buildings around here seemed to be air conditioned, including this one. Yuffie glanced up at the ceiling as Kairi undid her back and saw that the ceiling fan wasn’t moving. No wonder she was sweating badly enough Yuffie was vaguely worried she’d soak the dresses enough that she’d have to buy them for water damage. Annoyingly, Kairi seemed unaffected by the heat. At least Selphie hadn’t come in, though Yuffie may come to regret that fact. The brunette was off searching for more potentially suitable dresses.

“The only purple one is covered in bows,” Selphie called out from the racks. “Will that do?”

Yuffie felt her face twist in disgust. ‘Bows are the spawn of… well technically not Satan, but they’re still the spawn of something nasty,’ the ninja thought bitterly. Kairi was helping Yuffie get out of the dress when she caught sight of her reflection. The look on the surfer’s face made the redhead giggle.

“Let’s not have any bows or frills, Selphie. I think Yuffie might kill me otherwise,” Kairi said with a laugh.

“Maybe we should try something that I’d actually be willing to wear in public,” Yuffie growled.

“And what would that be?” Kairi asked smirking. She was enjoying this way too much. She planted a kiss on Yuffie’s neck and gave her side a quick squeeze. “Got anything sleek or sophisticated looking out there?”

“Hey what about this?” Selphie asked coming back to the dressing room. She pushed her way into the room wit something black in her arms. If that was the dress it was the most promising thing they had yet to find.

With both girls’ help, Yuffie was able to struggle into the dress. It was tight, strapless, and hit her in strange places. Yuffie had no idea what it was made of, but it felt very nice when she ran her fingers over the material. It was smooth like silk, but still surprisingly soft and fuzzy. Kairi looked rather shell shocked while Selphie giggled quietly. She must either looked like an idiot or else absolutely fantastic. Always choosing to be awesome over idiotic Yuffie struck a dramatic pose. She could pull it off, even in a dress; perhaps especially in this dress.

“So sexy,” Kairi whispered. Yuffie grinned and wiggled her hips, causing Selphie to laugh.

“You’re not quite right,” Selphie laughed. “She still needs the proper lingerie and makeup, Kairi. Then your roommate will be a huge boy magnet.” Yuffie rolled her eyes at that statement, but Kairi just held a finger to her lips. At least she helped Yuffie get out of the dress without damaging it.

“Great, more shopping,” Yuffie grumbled. However, before a sour mood could sink in Kairi grabbed her by the hand and hustled her off to pay for the dress. They still had a lot to do. Yuffie perked up a little when a thought hit her. Even if Selphie’s comment was totally off base she was right that it could still be useful. Her new dress had an obvious effect on her girlfriend.

***

“Hey Kairi.”

“Yes, Yuffie,” Kairi groaned. The redhead shifted so that the surfer could crawl into her bed. They were in Kairi’s childhood bedroom. Yuffie had laughed when she saw the Disney princesses plastered over her walls. Kairi said that they were put up when she was a little kid, but Yuffie was certain that Mulan didn’t come out until Kairi was a teenager.

“Does anyone here know that your roommate is gay?” Yuffie asked after she had settled in beside Kairi. Yesterday had been a fun, but stressful for her. The stress started when Yuffie had realized no one knew they were dating and Kairi intended to keep it that way. Yuffie hated secrets and she resented being kept as one. “Or that we’re dating? I suppose you just forgot to mention it to anybody.” Yuffie could feel Kairi go rigid with tension.

“I’ve never told anybody I was gay,” she said quietly. “I only recently admitted to myself that I react to women’s bodies and not men. You’re my first anything, Yuffie and I know you’re feeling mistreated right now, but I hope you know I love you.”

“I do,” Yuffie said. “But this isn’t fair. I don’t know how to not act like your girlfriend and I don’t wanna know.” She slipped an arm around Kairi’s midsection. She needed her close.

“I don’t know how I’ll manage it, but I will tell everyone about us,” Kairi promised. “I just… I don’t want to take any attention away from Sora and Riku’s big day. So it may not happen this visit.”

Yuffie’s anger dispersed leaving her feeling a bit hollow inside. Coming out, even just admitting it to yourself, can be extremely difficult. Leaving the closet can also have serious consequences; her own dad had thrown her out of the house when he found out she liked girls. They hadn’t spoken in years. Yuffie never told Kairi about any of this, but she wouldn’t be surprised if the redhead had figured it out. Kairi was smart. She might be facing a similar situation here. Yuffie wished that she could just snap her fingers and make everything okay.

“I like girls,” Kairi laughed. She sounded like she was about to cry. “My mom’s gonna kill me.”

“I can’t hide what I am,” Yuffie said softly. “I won’t lie about it either.”

“I know. Everyone should be fine with you, me… us. I mean, Riku and Sora are getting married.”

“I’m off to breakfast. Do you need a minute to calm down?” Yuffie asked. Changing the subject might make her girl feel better. Kairi nodded as she wiped her eyes, so Yuffie climbed out of the tiny bed.

“Mom should be in the kitchen,” Kairi said. “Tell her what you want and she’ll make it. She can make just about anything.”

‘Does she knows how to make egg rolls?’ the ninja wondered as she shut Kairi’s door. She slowly ambled to the kitchen, trying to remember where it was from yesterday’s tour. When she arrived she greeted Kairi’s mother, Mrs. Hart, politely. Just because she was causing Kairi a lot of internal stress and grief didn’t mean Yuffie was allowed to be rude. If things worked out she’d be in Yuffie’s life for a very long time.

“Good morning Yuffie,” Mrs. Hart said pleasantly. She straightened and turned to look at Yuffie. “Would you like some bacon?”

“Would I ever,” Yuffie said eagerly. She sat down in the nearest chair and giddily waited to be served. Bacon made life good.

Yuffie bounced eagerly in her seat as Mrs. Hart placed a plate in front of her. Besides the bacon, there was French toast, waffles, pancakes, and an egg, sunny side up. While there weren’t any egg rolls it was certainly a bonanza of yummy food that had Yuffie’s stomach rumbling in appreciation at the sight and, more importantly, smell.

She didn’t know where to begin when everything looked so good. After a moment’s indecision she picked up a waffle. She examined it carefully, sniffing and licking the waffle before popping the entire thing into her mouth. She chewed it happily.

“My god, you’re eating like Sora,” Kairi exclaimed as she sat down next to Yuffie. 

The surfer glanced at the redhead as she chewed. Normally Yuffie’d have a grumpy retort, but she was still worried about Kairi. She looked cheerful and happy enough. Yuffie couldn’t see any signs that Kairi had been on the verge of a breakdown less than five minutes ago. She had put on concealer, which she often didn’t bother with, along with her mascara. Yuffie would have to watch for that in the future. Noticing that might be the only way she’d ever notice if her girlfriend was upset.

“Can you cook like this?” Yuffie asked. When Kairi nodded Yuffie sobbed, “Why have you hidden this vast knowledge of cookery away from me?” 

“Oh shush,” Kairi said, flicking Yuffie in the shoulder. “If I told you, you’d force me to cook all of your meals. Besides, I never learned how… eww that bacon grease smells revolting.” Kairi scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“I thought you loved bacon,” Mrs. Hart said in surprise.

“Last couple of months, Kairi hasn’t been willing to allow cooked pig anywhere near her,” Yuffie said while munching on the bacon. “She says the smell makes her physically ill.”

Mrs. Hart’s eyebrows narrowed, for a moment, then they widened in surprise. “Kairi Violet Hart,” she thundered, “are you pregnant?”

Kairi choked on her toast. Yuffie squirted orange juice out her nose because she was laughing so hard. Kairi was coughing, spluttering, and turning red. Yuffie was worried she’d have to perform the Heimlich maneuver. Luckily, a few solid thumps to the back were enough to dislodge the blockage. After coughing out her breakfast, Kairi was able to splutter, “W-what?”

“You really are too young,” admonished Mrs. Hart, “but if Sora is getting married at seventeen, you can have a baby at eighteen. At least you’ve already finished high school.” She leaned forward on the table staring down at her daughter. “So who’s the daddy? Are you planning to get married? A child is a lot of responsibility and you’ll want the father around to assist.”

Kairi’s mouth opened and shut a few times, but no sound came out. She was speechless. Yuffie managed to quell her giggles and then covertly wrapped an arm around Kairi’s waist. This sort of misunderstanding was worth being kept a secret.

“Why didn’t you tell me we’re gonna be parents?” she teased.

“We’re not. I’m not,” she looked at Yuffie imploringly. “I just haven’t wanted any bacon since Axel accidently cultured sentient mold off a slab. That stuff was toxic and had us puking from the smell alone. I get flashbacks whenever I smell pork grease now.”

“Actually, Mrs. Hart, I know Kairi isn’t pregnant,” Yuffie said with a smile. She should probably help her girlfriend get out of this mess.

“How so?” asked Mrs. Hart, “Her nose is more sensitive than normal and I think her breasts are larger. Both signs of pregnancy.”

“Mom!” screeched Kairi. Her face now matched her hair. She covered her chest with her arms. “I am not pregnant and my breasts are completely normal.”

“That may be the case, but Kairi hasn’t dated any dudes since she moved to Tokyo,” Yuffie said. “I live with her now, I should know.”

“Mom,” hissed Kairi. She shot a glare at Yuffie as if daring her to say any more. Yuffie wasn’t taking that challenge. “Can we please have a normal breakfast?”

“Well okay,” said Mrs. Hart sounding rather put out. “Kairi, I won’t be pleased if you come back in a few months saying I was right all along.”

“That won’t happen,” Kairi assured her. Yuffie gave Kairi’s knee a quick reassuring squeeze.

The three of them finished eating in silence. Considering how awkward the meal was with just women present Yuffie was grateful Mr. Hart wasn’t present. As it was she overate by a wide margin to keep herself occupied as Kairi picked at her eggs. In the end Yuffie nearly broke Sora’s record breakfast consumption at the Hart family table. She was only a pancake and two eggs shy. As soon as she was done Kairi grabbed Yuffie by the arm and dragged her away from the table. When Mrs. Hart asked where they were going in such a hurry Kairi shouted that she way taking Yuffie to the play island to meet the rest of her friends. Yuffie couldn’t wait.

***

Yuffie rode her board until it slid to a stop in the sand. Kairi, Selphie, and two boys she didn’t recognize ran up to her. Selphie jumped up and down while Kairi gave her a quick hug. It had been a small wave and a tame ride by Yuffie’s standards, but the others seemed impressed. That was fine with Yuffie; she wanted to make a good impression with the rest of Kairi’s friends.

“That was so awesome I can’t believe you surfed like that. I mean, that was so cool I think you’re better than Riku,” babbled the blonde boy. After the boy started talking Selphie latched onto him.

“You were great, ya,” said the other one. He was a taller older fellow with red hair that looked like a cow had licked it. He turned to Kairi and said, “Your friend is talented, ya?”

“Very much so,” Kairi agreed.

“This is Tidus,” Selphie said happily. She had wrapped her limbs around the blond in a fashion highly reminiscent of an octopus. “He’s my boyfriend. That’s Wakka,” Selphie added, nearly poking out Tidus’s eye when she pointed to Wakka.

“Those were some amazing moves, man, where did ya learn them?” Wakka asked as he scratched his nose.

“Long hours of practice,” Yuffie said with a laugh. “I’ve been surfing since I was five and I’ve gotten really good.”

“She’s a pro,” Kairi said shyly. “I mean the only reason Yuffie was able to come along is because there’s a short break in her surfing competition circuit.”

“Wow,” Tidus breathed. Then he blinked and asked, “How did you two meet anyways?”

“In the Blender Accident,” Yuffie said. “We live together now.”

“We met last summer when she was here for a competition and she totaled the inside of Irvine’s store,” Kairi said. “After I moved to mainland for a more academically rigorous senior year we met up again and became friends.”

“Cool,” Wakka wriggled his eyebrows at Yuffie and tossed his ball at Kairi. “You birds ready to play some blitzball, ya?”

The girls’ affirmatives overshadowed Tidus’s squawk at the perceived gender slight. Frankly, Yuffie found Tidus’s indignation far more insulting. There were a lot of dudes out there who would kill to be as good an athlete as her. The five played blitzball both on land and under water until it was too dark to see. Sometime between Wakka being beamed on the head with his ball and Kairi almost swallowing a fish, Riku and Sora joined the game. When they joined in the blitz game got more competitive. They played until it was too dark to see the ball.

Not ready to head back to the main island they made the bonfire in the center of the beach. Wakka and Riku had carried over three logs for the group to sit on while Tidus and Sora found kindling. Selphie quickly lit the fire and laughed when Yuffie expressed surprise before sitting down on a log next to Tidus. Sora and Riku had already commandeered another log, which left one log open. Kairi looked at the boys’ log before sitting down on the empty one. Yuffie sat down next to her. Then to her annoyance Wakka sat down on her other side. He took up more than half the log and pressed into her. What made it worse was that he slung an arm around her. Yuffie didn’t know how to get rid of it without causing a scene, which she knew Kairi didn’t want. So she let it slide.

“Let’s tell ghost stories,” Sora said eagerly.

“Shouldn’t we be talking about your impending marriage instead?” asked Kairi.

“Yeah,” Tidus agreed, “Marriage is scarier than any ghost story.” Multiple people hit Tidus. He rubbed the back of his head wincing slightly.

“Don’t try to scare them out of it,” Selphie admonished.  
“So how do you guys feel about getting married?” Yuffie asked. She leaned forward, trying to rid herself of Wakka’s arm. It didn’t work, instead his hand had drifted to the small of her back.

“I’m excited,” Sora said, “I can’t wait to be Mrs. Riku Jenova.”

“Wait a minute, you want to be Mrs. Riku Jenova?” Riku said. “I want to be Mrs. Sora Harada.”

“Really?” Sora asked in surprise.

“No,” Riku scoffed, “I think it’s stupid to take on anybody’s name just because you’re getting married. Your name is great and I know you like it. Besides, you’d be a ‘Mr.’, not a ‘Mrs.’ and when someone called for a ‘Mr. Riku Jenova’ we wouldn’t know which one

“Oh,” Sora said. There was silence for a moment before he added, “My mom thinks we’re too young to get married. She’s worried our marriage won’t last.”

“Hey, my friend Squall got married at seventeen,” Yuffie said brightly, “and he’s been married for thirteen years now. Yours will last.”

“That’s sweet,” Selphie said. “Are they still in love?” Yuffie nodded.

They stayed on the island for several more hours before returning to the big island. The group dropped people off one by one until only Riku, Kairi and Yuffie were left. As Riku lived a bit further along the road than Kairi he walked them home. To Yuffie’s surprise he also came inside with them. It turned out he wanted to make up for his poor manners the other day and catch up with Kairi. They decided to hang out in the guest room.

“I’m thrilled you’re so psyched about your classes. Freshmen year is tough, but you’ve already adjusted to living away from home and that’s half the battle,” Riku said after Kairi gave a brief summary of her activities. Yuffie had a hard time keeping her mouth shut whenever she got edited out of Kairi’s stories. At least Riku hadn’t asked if she was dating anyone. Yet. That would probably be his next question. 

“Oh geeze, I’ve been amiss in my duties as hostess. Do you guys want something to drink?” Kairi asked.

“Pop would be great,” Riku said with a smirk.

“Sure,” Yuffie said brightly. “Whatever’s fine.” Kairi nodded and then left for the drinks. As Kairi left the room, Yuna waddled in. The chocobo toddled up and warked demandingly at Yuffie. “Does my big girl want to be picked up?” Yuffie cooed. She picked up the bird and gently stroked Yuna’s beak.

“How long have you had the chocobo?” Riku asked.

“We’ve had her for two months,” Yuffie laughed as she petted the chocobo. Riku smiled and nodded. Then his eyes narrowed.

“How long have you been sleeping with Kairi?” he asked.

“What?” she said, head snapping up in surprise.

“Don’t act dumb with me,” Riku snapped. “You two are obviously in some sort of relationship. The constant touching, the looks, and almost everything you say is ‘we’ instead of ‘I.’ Kairi’s story doesn’t even make sense until you realize she excluded your role in most of it. Kairi is like a little sister to me, so what are your intentions toward her? Because I swear if you hurt her, you will regret it.”

“I… ah,” Yuffie stumbled. Riku seemed a lot bigger and more dangerous than he had the other day. Yuffie felt a little off kilter. “Seven months, we’ve been dating for seven months.”

“How long have you been sleeping with her?” Riku demanded. “Why hasn’t she mentioned anything about you to me?”

“I don’t know!” Yuffie yelped, backing up until she bumped into the bed. She swayed and had to focus on regaining her balance. When she felt steady again Yuffie realized she was pissed and didn’t particularly care how threatening Riku seemed. The intimate details of her relationship with Kairi were none of his business and he couldn’t make her share them. She poked him in the chest. “Back off buddy!”

Riku growled. Yuffie was unimpressed and decided to give him a piece of her mind.

“Why the fuck would I know why she hasn’t told you any of this? Maybe she didn’t feel comfortable saying anything you because she knew you’d act like this. Kairi’s a private person!” Yuffie ranted. The only reason she wasn’t shouting at the top of her lungs at Riku was the fact she knew a screaming match wasn’t how Kairi wanted to come out to her family. She wouldn’t do that to her. “I only met her a little over a year ago, but since we started dating I’ve gotten to really know her. She never would have moved in with me last month if she didn’t feel one hundred percent comfortable around me. I probably know her better than you do!”

“And how could you possibly know her better?” Riku snapped. “She’s my best friend!”

“Well, for a start I know that screaming and losing your temper and shooting death glares at everybody is not how you communicate. Kairi’s the sort who responds to reasoned arguments and respect and the chance to laugh,” Yuffie said. She hugged the chocobo in one arm like a football allowing her to jab a finger in Riku’s face. “And while I may suck at the logical reasoning, pretty boy, I recognize the need and kick ass everywhere else. I love her and she loves me. And that’s enough.”

She gulped in air and glared at Riku as if daring him to say anything. Instead he stared at her stunned. Once again Yuffie’s tongue and had managed to run someone over and leave them stunned and disoriented. She felt vindicated until Riku sat down quietly in a chair, the expression on his face still one of stunned confusion. Yuffie cringed, it would be just her luck if she broke the bride. Another unpleasant thought occurred to Yuffie.

“Kairi’ll kill me when she finds out I told you any of this,” Yuffie sighed, plopping onto the bed. She rubbed her forehead. “She said she’d tell people about us after your wedding to make certain she didn’t steal any of your thunder. I’m so stupid.”

“Wark,” Yuna chirped in agreement.

Kairi came into the room carrying three cans of pop. She looked at Yuffie then Riku several times before sighing. Kairi pressed a can into Riku’s hands then sat down next to Yuffie. The surfer pulled the spare can from her hands and cracked it open.

“Hi babe,” Yuffie said weakly. She wiggled her fingers limply in greeting.

“You told him,” Kairi accused. “How could you, Yuffie?”

“He threatened to kill me,” Yuffie protested. She gave Kairi doe-eyes, “Honest. It’s not like you weren’t going to tell him anyway.”

“Kairi, if you wanted to keep it a secret you should have shown a bit more discretion,” Riku admonished. A smirk had formed on his face. “Was this girl the best option you could find? I’d have thought you could do a lot better.”

“Hey,” Yuffie cried.

“Shove it Riku,” Kairi snapped. When he tried to protest, Kairi silenced him with a glare. Kairi gave Yuffie a smile. “Yuffie is exactly what I want.”

“Seriously?” Yuffie asked, grinning. That had to be the sweetest thing Kairi had ever said. Kairi snorted and rolled her eyes.

“Basically,” she said. “Though I wish you’d think before acting more.”

“Okay, I’m sorry for doubting your choice in women. That won’t happen again,” Riku said. “But you gotta admit this feels like a keyblade to the back of the head, Kairi. You’ve never once even hinted at liking the ladies. I totally would have supported you. I mean, I still do, but I wish you had told me.”

“I’m still not completely comfortable with it myself, but I’m a lot happier than I used to be,” Kairi said. She laced her fingers with Yuffie’s. “I would have told you sooner, but I needed to figure this out for myself and then it was a matter of controlling sensitive information.”

“I know how to keep a secret,” Riku said sounding hurt.

“Yes, but Sora doesn’t and you have an impossible time keeping anything from him,” Kairi said. “Besides, if he were to eventually find out you were hiding something like this from it that would seriously damage your relationship. I don’t wanna do that.”

“So what happens now?” Yuffie asked.

“Mom is going to kill me when she finds out I’m gay. It doesn’t fit into her plan at all,” Kairi sighed. She rubbed the bridge of her nose. “She’s literally demanded grandchildren in exchange for my college tuition. Yuna may be our baby, but she won’t cut it for this and I’d like to put that argument off for as long as possible. Let’s get through the wedding and then figure things out from there.”

“You know this gay Kairi thing does explain one thing,” Riku said.

“What?” asked Yuffie.

“Why Kairi wasn’t mad when Sora and I told her that our fights over her were actually us displacing our feelings for each other,” Riku said. He smiled at Kari. “She didn’t really want either of us to win.”

“Actually,” Yuffie said, “ when I told Kairi about you two and she was really mad.”

“What?” Riku said surprised, “When did this happen?”

“On the day I first met Yuffie,” Kairi said. “I’ll tell you about it later. Now go home Riku, your maid of honor needs her beauty sleep.”

Riku looked still looked surprised from the revelations, but he bowed and left. Once he was gone Kairi whispered good night into Yuffie’s ear. Yuffie pulled her in for a kiss. Kairi had originally planned to return to her own room that evening, but Yuffie was able to convince the redhead to spend the night with her.

Yuffie woke up to Mrs. Hart’s face hovering above her. However, she was still groggy from sleep and thought something had latched onto Kairi and sucked the life force out of her, leaving an older grasping shell behind. Yuffie did a very un-ninja like thing and screamed screamed. Kairi was jolted awake, rose quickly, and hit her head on her mother’s chin. She didn’t seem to realize what her head connected with because her first reaction was to reach for her girlfriend.

“Yuffie, Yuffie, what’s wrong?” Kairi asked. She gently stroked the surfer’s cheek, turning her face toward her.

“I just woke up to have you…” Yuffie’s mind finally clocked into work, allowing her to realize what had really happened. “Err… your mom in my face. I wasn’t expecting that and it… umm, well it scared me,” she finished lamely.

“Young lady, can you explain why you’re in bed with your roommate?” asked Mrs. Hart. She had ensnared both girls with an eagle-eyed stare guaranteeing that she would maintain their attention for as long as she wanted it. Yuffie realized Kairi had inherited ‘The Look.’

“Well, this isn’t a perfect time, but if the opportunity presents itself, maybe you should take it,” Yuffie said softly to Kairi. She wrapped an arm around her girlfriend’s waist to offer support.

“Well umm.” Kairi’s normally calm carrying voice that would someday serve her well in a courtroom was soft, stuttering, and slow. Yuffie could almost feel physical pain from the half starts as Kairi tried to figure out how to continue. “Mom, I… ahh I won’t be having kids.”

“Wait a minute, I want kids,” Yuffie said breaking the seriousness of the moment. Kairi glared at her.

“Yeah, well unless you develop some testicles, we aren’t likely to have any,” she said.

“We can have artificial insemination,” Yuffie said burying her nose in Kairi’s hair. “Or adoption.”

“Kairi, are you a lesbian?” squeaked her mother.

“Sorta,” Kairi said sounding rather embarrassed as she rubbed the back of her head.

“Sorta? You can’t sort of be a lesbian! Yes or no.”

Yuffie wanted to tell Mrs. Hart that actually, no, sexuality was a lot more fluid than just “gay” or “straight” and Kairi could be any of a host of different sexualities. All they knew for certain was that Kairi liked her. However, considering the situation, Yuffie realized she ought to keep her mouth shut.

“Yes,” Kairi snapped. “Yes, I’m gay and Yuffie’s my girlfriend, okay?”

Mrs. Hart grabbed Yuffie by the arm and dragged her out of bed. Yuffie’s arm was in such a tight vice that she feared she would have permanent scarring. Mrs. Hart dragged Yuffie into the living room. When she was thrown onto the couch, the furniture nearly toppled over. ‘Thank god I wore pajamas,’ she thought. Having Mrs. Hart’s glare focused on her naked body would have been too much to take.

“Now you have ten seconds to explain why I shouldn’t turn you into fertilizer,” Mrs. Hart growled.

“Shit, umm shit,” Yuffie mumbled as she panicked.

“Eight,” snarled Mrs. Hart. She looked like an irate Leviathan personified.

“I’m nice, I surf,” Yuffie said. “Professionally, I surf professionally and make lots of money.”

“Six.”

“I have two years of college,” Yuffie said desperately, “Tokyo U. I am a much better choice than most of the dudes around town.”

“Three.”

“I love her.”

“Two.”

“We have a chocobo together!” Yuffie held up her arms to protect herself from the mother’s wrath. “Don’t kill me!”

“Leave her alone, Mom,” Kairi yelped. She leaped onto the couch sprawling across Yuffie in a protective fashion. “Don’t you dare touch a single hair on her head again! I love her!”

“How many years of college do you plan to get?” Mrs. Hart snapped.

“Just the two,” Yuffie said. She paused before continuing, having realized that she needed to explain her position. “Since I’ve gone pro in surfing, I don’t have time for school and it wasn’t exactly a great fit. I can pick it up again when my athletic years are over, but odds are I won’t need to.”

“Do you have any other job or abilities besides surfing?” she asked pleasantly.

“Well,” Yuffie started, “Technically no, but as a pro I’m getting a lot of sponsorships. There are ads and speaking engagements too. Some are charitable contributions, but I’d be paid for most. I’m successful enough I could probably run a training camp under the right conditions too. Oh and I can make a mean pancake.”

“So this means that you aren’t home much.”

“I guess so,” Yuffie said scratching her chin.

Mrs. Hart turned to her daughter, “You want to make an immature, slacker idiot college dropout who has no real job and won’t be home most of the time your soul mate. Kairi have you given any thought to what you’re doing?”

“If Yuffie were a man, you’d be delighted,” the redhead raged, “You’d say, two years of college, great, especially since it was at such an impressive school as Tokyo University. A professional athlete, what a wonderful position, as that’s a well paid job that can provide for a family quite well if we invest properly. Immaturity would be boyish charm and you would call him laid back and street smart instead of a slacker or idiotic. You wouldn’t be manhandling or threatening him like this!”

“Calm down Kairi,” Yuffie said gently.

“It’s not okay, Yuffie, I- I was stupid not wanting to tell anybody about you, but mom can’t just insult you like that,” Kairi said angrily, turning to look at her. Yuffie could see that she felt hurt. “After the wedding I’ll pack up my stuff and ship it home so I won’t bother you anymore, Mother. We can leave things at that.”

Kairi got up and dragged Yuffie to her bedroom. Once inside she shut and locked the door. Kairi began sorting her things into what she wanted and didn’t want. Yuffie needed to say something, but drawing Hurricane Kairi’s wrath wouldn’t help matters if she didn’t have anything useful to say.

“Babe,” she finally started, “I think you’re blowing things out of proportion. A lot of parents are mad when their kids first come out and most dislike their kid’s dates. They can get over it and come to like, or at least tolerate, their offspring’s choices. Don’t write off your relationship with your mom just yet. Besides, she took the gay girlfriend a lot better than many parents would. She didn’t say that I corrupted you or anything, right? I didn’t hear a word about this being wrong for moral or religious reasons. She likes me way better than my dad would have liked you.”

Kairi gave her a mournful smile. “I think I blew it out there,” she said, “I should have stayed calm and just talked her out of trying to kill you instead of getting all bitchy and defensive. Well, at least this gives me a chance to send my roller blades and comic books home.”

Yuffie grinned at Kairi. “Do you have any Batman? I love Batman,” she asked.

“Yeah, but I’m not digging them out right now,” Kairi said. There was a moment of silence before Kairi said in a relieved tone, “Thank god you didn’t mention your klepto tendencies. That would have gone over really well.” 

Both girls snickered as they imagined look on Mrs. Hart’s face when she added convicted convict to her list of Yuffie’s faults, although Yuffie had never actually been tried in any court of law. Yuffie stopped laughing first and smiled gently at Kairi. “Hey,” she said. “I’m gonna need lots of help getting into that dress and all the other crap. We’d better get started, huh?” 

Kairi smiled, but shook her head. She took the hanger with Yuffie’s dress and handed it to the surfer. “We’re going to Riku’s,” she said, “which means we’ll be climbing down my tree, so let’s hold off on changing.” Yuffie blinked as Kairi opened her window.

“Wait a minute, why are we climbing down the tree?” she asked.

“Because I don’t want to face my parents again just yet,” she said, “Can you imagine my mom attacking you with a butcher knife if we went out the front door?”

Yuffie flinched. She could easily see Mrs. Hart chopping her up for ninja stew. When she opened her eyes again, she saw Kairi halfway out the window and onto the big tree.

“Hand me Yuna,” Kairi said, “then come down after me.”

“What do I do with this?” Yuffie asked as she waved the dress gently.

The redhead was silent for a moment. “Fold it over your arm,” Kairi said. She took Yuna from Yuffie and then added, “Oh, and grab some heels from my closet. The black ones. Stuff them down your shirt front for the climb.”

Yuffie mutely searched the closet for the black heels. When she found them, she tucked them down the front of her pajamas. Yuffie had been surprised to see that the black heels were only heels in the closet since Kairi wore a pair to work every day. She flipped the dress in its plastic cover over her arm and slid down the tree as instructed. 

“How did you learn to sneak out like this?” Yuffie asked. Kairi grinned and wrapped her free arm around Yuffie.

“There are maybe eight hundred people on this island and maybe three hundred on the surrounding ones,” she said. “We have our entire school system for all of the Destiny Islands in one building. All K through twelve. The only movie theater is just one theater, not multiple screens in a building, just a single theater. We, my friend, are in the boondocks.”

“So what does this have to do with you being the next Houdini?”

“What else is there to do besides sneak out and drink beer with your buddies?” Kairi asked. She grinned at Yuffie’s shocked expression and added, “Okay, technically, Sora, Riku, and I just snuck out to make s’mores and tell ghost stories, but the point still remains the same. Teenage rebellion and all that jazz. Come on, let’s go wake Riku. He’s got my dress and I bet you want to see it.”

“Are you certain he doesn’t do drag?” Yuffie asked, fixing her with a shrewd look. Kairi laughed and locked fingers with Yuffie. The girls ran toward the Jenova house while the sun rose and the wild chocobos started to sing. As she followed Kairi along the sandy path Yuffie was certain it would be a great day for a wedding.


	5. An Island Wedding

A little over a year ago, Kairi could honestly say she had never knowingly met a homosexual. Then Yuffie came along and everything changed. She had her first kiss, which was unexpectedly with a girl, and found out that her two best friends, both male, were in love with each other. Then she moved to Tokyo for her last year of high school. While the move was primarily for a better education, she had grown a lot since meeting Yuffie and took the move as an opportunity to reach out to her. Several months passed before Kairi finally felt confident enough to contact Yuffie, but when she did they started a relationship. Now it was serious enough that Kairi had dragged her girlfriend along to her best friends’ wedding. 

Kairi couldn’t believe how different her life was than expected and yet things just seemed to fit better now. Well, except for the bit about her mother finding out she was gay this morning. That still felt incredibly surreal and she wasn’t certain how well she was handling it. Mom hadn’t exactly been pleased, but at the moment Kairi couldn’t really think about it. She had a different, more pressing crisis on hand.

‘Of all the times for Riku to get cold feet, why did it have to be now?’ Kairi wondered feeling a little annoyed.

Yes, she could sympathize Riku, marriage was a scary thing, but really he shouldn’t be afraid. After getting over the initial shock no one had been surprised that Riku and Sora were madly in love. They had always been together, completely wrapped up in each other with very little room for anything else in their lives. Kairi knew their relationship would withstand the test of time and nothing could ever tear them apart, so there was no reason to worry.

“I can’t do it, Kairi,” Riku mumbled from between his arms. 

He had taken off his high heels, but otherwise he was still in his wedding garb. Riku had also climbed under a table and pulled his knees to his chest. It looked like he was in full panic mode. Kairi sighed and climbed under the table next to him. Boys were all secretly insecure idiots, even the gay ones. 

‘Especially the gay ones,’ she corrected herself as she rubbed Riku’s back. “Why can’t you get married, Riku? Everything’s perfect, this is your dream wedding.”

“That’s just it, everything is perfect,” Riku said, waving a manicured nail. Kairi wasn’t following his logic and she told him that. “Everyone knows that the more perfect the wedding, the shorter the marriage,” he said. “It’s Murphy’s law or something. I love Sora, I couldn’t bear to lose him after only a few months.”

“I’ve never heard such utter crap,” Kairi said angrily. “You’re going to leave Sora, precious little Sora, at the altar because you’re worried that the wedding is too perfect? You’ll break his heart. Of course your marriage will last. I doubt there’s another pair of more compatible people in the world. However, if you desperately need something to go wrong, something will. Maybe some homophobes will show up at the reception. Maybe the catering service accidently used the wrong type of fish in the fish dinners. Maybe you’ll turn your head too fast at the altar and your wedding veil will catch on fire. A million tiny things can go wrong and this will still be one of the best days of your life, but I can guarantee you that if you don’t get up and walk out there to say your vows the worst thing possible will happen: you won’t marry the love of your life.”

Riku looked rather stunned at Kairi’s outburst. Some of his make up had run but at least he was no longer crying. That was a good starting place. She had his attention, which meant he couldn’t panic anymore. Riku tried to say something, but Kairi cut him off again.

“Now you, Riku Kinsley Jenova, are going to happily walk down that aisle with Sephiroth so he can give you away as planned. I will carry your train and help make certain you don’t fall. You will meet with Sora, listen to the priest, and then say your vows. You two will kiss, go to the wedding reception, Yuffie will strip if you really need to have something awkward happen on your wedding day, and then you’ll go on your honeymoon. Any sex on that trip is optional and totally up to you two. After that you will come home to the islands and have many wonderful years of matrimony, though you may not stay on the islands. Is that understood?” Kairi finished as she dared Riku to object.

Riku timidly nodded. This was the first time in Kairi’s life that she had seen Riku speechless and following orders without objection. Usually he had to do everything his way, though that didn’t stop them from getting along. They were similar enough that they actually worked pretty well together. Kairi snorted in amusement at his behavior and then climbed out from under the table. She smiled at the bride and offered him her hand, which he accepted. Pulling Riku out from under the table was a bit awkward in her tacky bridesmaid dress, she nearly fell over, but she managed.

“Let me fix your make up, Riku,” Kairi said as she brushed his hair out of his eyes. Riku bent down so Kairi could reapply the make up. When she was finished, he stepped back into his heels. Sephiroth stepped forward and held out an arm to his little brother. Riku wrapped an arm around Sephiroth’s then picked up his bouquet. He glanced back at Kairi as she picked up his train and she smiled back reassuringly. Reassured as best as he could be, Riku nodded to himself then led the way.

He really did make a beautiful bride. Despite the fact he had painstakingly developed the chiseled body of an athlete over years of hard work the wedding dress hid all of it. Riku had chosen a very loose and flowing gown design with a lot of floral inspired lace all along the bodice and sleeves. The same pattern was embroidered onto the veil with silvery white silk thread that was only a few shades lighter than Riku’s hair. He had chosen to leave his main loose and flowing across his shoulders. It left him with something of an ephemeral quality that made him appear to be a fairy princess.

Kairi thought the ensemble was very fetching, though the high heels and train seemed to be a bit over the top. With the heels Riku was even taller than his brother and he would tower over Sora. She worried that he might turn an ankle if he stepped wrong in those heels. She doubted Riku had a lot of practice walking in such footgear. That would be a poor way for Riku to start his marriage, though maybe it would alleviate his fears.

Sora made a great blushing groom. Kairi was impressed by how well the rented black tuxedo fit him. It was so much better than the power blue one he had desperately wanted to wear with his oversized yellow shoes. They were all lucky Sora had lost that battle. Normally Sora was about a head shorter than Riku, but with the heels Sora looked like a hobbit in comparison. While she knew Sora had tried to tame his hair it was still as messy as ever. He didn’t look old enough to shave, much less get married, but Kairi could tell he was absolutely thrilled to be waiting for Riku.

Kairi grinned because she could see that any fear either boy had vanished the moment they laid eyes on each other. Though it ought to be impossible, the grin on Sora’s face got even wider when he saw Riku. Riku, on the other hand, added a bit of his usual swagger to his step, trying to impress Sora like usual. It was working.

When Riku reached the alter Sephiroth carefully helped him up the step to stand beside Sora. Then Sepiroth shot Sora a warning look as if daring him to mess this moment up before moving to stand beside the organ. Riku handed his bouquet of orchids to Selphie as Kairi carefully tucked his train out of the way. No one needed to trip on that. When she was done she backed up until she was standing beside Selphie across the aisle from Tidus and Wakka.

Now that her job was done Kairi was able to relax. She surveyed the guests; interested to see who had come to the wedding and which side of the aisle they had chosen. Considering how long Riku and Sora had known each other there was barely any difference. One seating arrangement did catch her eye: Kairi hadn’t expected to see Yuffie sitting with her parents in the second row. Considering the fact her mother had been ready to murder her girlfriend this morning, this was an unexpected development. When Yuffie realized she had Kairi’s attention she blew her a kiss. The redhead couldn’t help but grin at that.

When it was time for Sora to say his vows, he had to be prompted three times before he realized it was his turn. He had been too busy staring at Riku. They had opted to forgo the usual vows and write their own. Sora’s vows included not only the usual promises of love and devotion, but also adventure, sword fighting, and fun. Riku’s vows were tamer, stressing the importance of staying together through both good and bad times, however he did include that Sora would always get the last slice of pizza as long as he stayed the hell away from their espresso machine.

Kairi tried not to laugh when it came time for the kiss. Since the two boys were at such different heights, Sora needed something to stand on. The priest threw a fit bibles were suggested as a stepping-stone. Kairi distinctly heard Yuffie’s cackle while the priest berated the boys for the idea. In the end Tidus and Wakka acted as good best men and hoisted Sora up so that the boys could kiss.

As soon as the kissed was over the two newly married men ran down the aisle to the cheers of the crowd. Outside the wedding party stood for photos in front of the church. Kairi’s favorite was the one of her with Sora and Riku. They had their arms wrapped around each other mirroring the same poses they had taken in so many photos over the years. Even if they were now married Sora and Riku were still Kairi’s best friends in the whole world. Nothing would ever change that.

Kairi slammed the limo door shut for her two favorite people. The newlyweds would take the traditional lap around the island before arriving at the party. Everyone else would walk over to the reception and get the party started for them. This would be fine with Kairi, except the dresses Riku had chosen for Selphie and her severely limited movement to nothing more strenuous than a hobble. It would have taken ages to reach the party if Kairi hadn’t managed to convince Irvine into giving her a piggyback ride. Selphie did the same with Tidus.

She had no idea what Riku had been thinking when he picked out these monstrous bridesmaid dresses. They were raspberry colored with tight ankle long skirts that allowed the wearer to take steps that were at a maximum three inches apart. The bottom of the dress had a silver lined trim only on the front side that covered her bare feet in a way oddly reminiscent of fins. Selphie put it best when she said the dresses made them look like badly skinned salmon or mermaids. The only good thing about the outfit in Kairi’s opinion was that they didn’t have to wear high heels. She didn’t know how she would have moved in heels with all the other physical restrictions the dress put on her. Kairi and Selphie willingly wore the dresses because they loved Riku dearly, but Kairi had to wonder if he chose the terrible dresses just to see what he could get away on his wedding.

When she arrived at the party Kairi thanked Irvine for the ride and then went to check if her wedding gift was there. Yuffie had promised to drop it off while Kairi was busy with the wedding party, but she wasn’t always the most reliable. It was easier to double check then be caught unaware later. Luckily Yuffie had come through and their gift was nestled among all the others on the present table. This meant Kairi could enjoy the party. She wanted to do that with Yuffie, but she couldn’t reach her girlfriend because so many of the Island’s inhabitants were mobbing her to find out how she was adjusting to life in the ‘big city.’ Yuffie didn’t seem to be missing her however as Wakka seemed more than capable to entertain her.

When Riku and Sora arrived, they had the first dance of the evening. After that, the bride chose to dance with his brother. Kairi thought Sora would choose to dance with his mother, but to her surprise, she got the honor instead. Even though Kairi could barely move Sora kept the dance lighthearted and fun for the both of them, also promising to send her a postcard while on his honeymoon. Kairi didn’t have time to rest after her dance with Sora as Irvine was interested in a dance. She agreed only because she owed him after the piggyback ride.

Later when she finally got to dance with Riku, Kairi asked, “So, do I need Yuffie to get up on a chair with a lampshade on her head and start a strip tease?”

A burst of laughter escaped Riku. “What?” he said.

“You were worried that you needed something to go wrong. Yuffie stripping is the best terribly wrong thing I can come up with,” Kairi said with a grin.

“No, I don’t need your girlfriend to strip,” Riku said. “I wouldn’t want to see her naked. I might start bleeding from my eyes.”

Kairi hit him lightly. “You wouldn’t know a good-looking woman’s body if it came up and bit you in the ass,” she said. Riku smirked at her statement. “Although it might be a good idea to keep her from getting drunk.”

“Why?” Riku asked.

“About three weeks after we started dating, New Years rolled around,” Kairi said. “She and a couple others got incredibly drunk. They insisted they were too hot for clothing, so they stripped and ran outside to make snow angels.”

“Are you serious?” Riku asked. “That sounds like something Sora or I might do.”

“There’s a reason why I get along so well with her. It took me twenty minutes to herd Yuffie back inside. Axel took even longer and nearly lost a testicle to hypothermia,” Kairi said dryly. Riku winced. “Anyway, the moral of the story is do not let Yuffie get too drunk.”

“Then you may want to rescue her from Wakka,” Riku said. Kairi looked at him questioningly. “He’s been trying his charm on her since Selphie introduced them the other day and I think she’s a little sick of him,” he said. “She’s had like four glasses of the spiked punch since he located her. It is your duty, Kairi Hart, to keep Yuffie from stripping at my wedding. Do you accept this mission?”

“Yep, she’s my guest, so I don’t want her doing anything too embarrassing,” Kairi said before leaving Riku. She made a beeline for Yuffie, carefully thinking about how to greet her girlfriend as she shuffled over. Before she could get Yuffie’s attention however, another person grabbed it.

“Hey there, looking sexy,” came an unexpected voice.

Yuffie grinned and turned away from Wakka. “Hey there, Two-K,” Yuffie said.

Kairi observed Rikku effortlessly insert herself between Yuffie and Wakka. She had to admit she was a little jealous of Rikku at the moment, she had captured both of their attentions just by appearing. Rikku also looked a lot better than Kairi at the moment in nice but casual clothing that actually allowed her to move.

Rikku trailed her fingers over Wakka’s bicep. “Who’s the sexy stud?” she asked. “Don’t tell me you’re batting for both teams now, Yuffie, I have enough competition as it is.”

“Huh?” Wakka asked, confused.

“I thought you were with Gippal,” Yuffie said. “And what are you doing here?”

“I am, but one little dance doesn’t hurt. Besides, I’m here to check up on you. You know, make certain the wedding went swimmingly and see what the men folk around here are like. Good plan, eh?” Rikku said. Something about her body language made it seem like Rikku was not only flirting with Wakka, but also Yuffie. Kairi felt it was time to make her presence known.

“Hey,” Kairi said grabbing onto Yuffie’s arm. “I’ve gotten a dance from the groom and one from the bride. Now I’d like one from you.”

“Well I’m more than happy to comply,” Yuffie said. She grinned and wrapped an arm around Kairi’s waist.

Kairi called over her shoulder as Yuffie led her back onto the dance floor, “Rikku, that’s Wakka. Wakka, Rikku. I’m certain you two can entertain each other.”

Yuffie led Kairi onto the dance floor where they started to slow dance. The dark haired girl slid her hands onto the redhead’s hips. Kairi’s fingers interlocked around the back of her date’s neck. Normally Kairi was a little taller than Yuffie, but she was barefoot and Yuffie had heels on, so they were eye to eye.

“Riku asked that you refrain from stripping,” Kairi said as she tickled Yuffie behind her ear.

“What?” Yuffie asked laughing.

“I told him about New Year’s,” Kairi said.

“Oh god,” Yuffie said as a blush crept onto her face. “You know, I don’t usually take off my clothes when I drink too much.”

“Oh damn,” Kairi said sadly, snapping her fingers, “and I was so hoping you’d give me a private performance later.”

Grins developed on both of the girls’ faces as they tried not to giggle. Yuffie slid one of her hands up to Kairi’s cheek and began gently stroking it. Kairi leaned into Yuffie’s hand, enjoying the affection. Yuffie’s grin faded into a timid smile then she leaned down and gave Kairi a chaste kiss. It was more of a peck really before Yuffie withdrew, but Kairi pulled her close. She wasn’t letting her lady get away.

Kairi’s friends hadn’t realized just how special a friend Yuffie was to Kairi and noticeably reacted to the kiss. Sora gasped, Tidus’s jaw dropped, and Wakka stopped moving mid dance to Rikku’s annoyance. Riku just laughed and kissed his husband’s ear as he had already figured it out. When Selphine realized what had happened she squealed and latched onto Tidus’s arm as she bounced in place. Most of the other islanders noticed the exchange or else gleefully pointed it out to their neighbors. That kiss was probably more gossip worthy than the wedding. After all, everyone already knew about Riku and Sora. Speculation about Kairi and her stranger was something unexpected and new.

Kairi and Yuffie noticed none of this commotion; they were too wrapped up in each other. They spent the rest of the evening together. A lot of it was dancing, but they’d also sit in a corner talking and laughing as Kairi told Yuffie about her childhood and the other wedding guests. Sometimes they’d kiss. Usually that got pretty heated. It was the perfect end to a very important day. Kairi’s only disappointment of the night was that she and Yuffie had been so focused on each other they missed when Sora opened their wedding gift, which was a lava lamp.


	6. Computer Woes

“She threw me out!”

“Calm down, Yuffie, I’m certain—”

“Over milk! Can you believe that? Milk, Aerith, milk! Me and Yunie both!” Yuffie wailed. She was standing in a phone booth that smelled strongly of urine while holding her pet mini chocobo under an arm.

Aerith sighed, it sounded like static over the bad connection. “Can you tell me what happened?” she asked.

“Hold on,” Yuffie said. She juggled the phone and Yunie while she pulled some coins out of her pocket. Yuffie added a few gil and munny to the machine, although she wasn’t certain which the phone took. ‘That’s the problem with two separate currency systems,’ she thought, ‘I can never remember which one is needed for what. Kairi always kept track for me. Oh God, Kairi!’ She sniffed, repressed the urge to wail and continued, “She sent me to buy milk and I knew she was busy and wouldn’t eat well, so I got her easy food stuffs to put around her and I was so busy finding her food that I forgot the milk. So she said that I had the maturity of a three-year-old and threw me and Yunie out!”

“This doesn’t sound like Kairi,” Aerith said slowly. “Is she under any undue stress?”

“She’s been like a werewolf or something and acting all weird. Books titled things like _The Metaphysical Reform of Justice in Ronso Society_ are all over the apartment and Yunie was nearly killed by a textbook avalanche. Just because I stepped in her laptop, which by the way was under some papers about the mating habits of the wild Luca moogle, she completely blew up and ordered me out to get milk.”

“Do you think that any of her anger might be connected to the fact that finals and all her papers for the end of term are due next week? Or the fact that she keeps all of her papers, notes, and schoolwork on her laptop?” Aerith asked gently.

Yuffie’s mind blanked. She dropped everything, which included Yuna, and wailed, “It’s my fault that Kairi’s gonna fail all of her classes and drop out of college! She’s gonna kill me!”

“Yuffie, Yuffie, calm down!” came Aerith’s voice from the swinging phone end.

Yuffie grabbed the phone again and pulled it close to her ear. “What should I do, Aerith? How can I fix things and stop Kairi from being mad at me?” she asked desperately.

“Well the first thing you should is,” Aerith started. Yuffie listened eagerly. But instead of Aerith’s calm sweet voice of reason giving her sagely advice, Yuffie heard a metallic voice telling her that she was out of time and thank you for using this phone service.

Yuffie frantically searched through her pockets. While she found her keys and a lollypop, there was no more money. ‘I shouldn’t have bought those gummy worms,’ she thought sadly.

“Come on Yunie,” Yuffie said quietly as she gently picked up the bird, “Kairi’s mad at us so we can’t go home tonight.”

Yuna warked sadly and the two girls walked out of the phone booth and into the rain. Yuffie cuddled the chocobo close to her chest under her leather jacket. She figured if she kept the bird hidden, she could bring Yuna on the train. The ninja also knew that wet bird smelled horrible and she couldn’t deal with that on top of everything else.

Yuffie leapt onto the roof of one of Twilight Town’s trolleys. While sometimes she missed Tokyo, she liked a lot of things about Twilight Town, which included being able to snag free rides on the roof. She hopped off in the market district about a block away from 7th Heaven.

7th Heaven was a bar with a colorful past plagued by disaster. Originally located in Nebuhalem, it moved to Midgar, Edge, and finally now to Twilight Town after burning down, crushed when part of a city fall on it, and then completely trashed when a local gang busted all the pipes when protection money was not paid. Its owner, Tifa Lockhart, inherited the business from her father after the fire. She refused to let something silly like her establishment being completely destroyed multiple times stop her, though if her insurance premiums got any higher that might be the final nail in 7th Heaven’s metaphoric coffin. Tifa’s insurmountable will and determination was what initially drew Yuffie to Tifa when they were children and forged their time test friendship. If anyone in Twilight Town would give her a place to crash until Kairi took her back, Tifa would.

Yuffie walked into the bar and shook like a wet dog. She unzipped her jacket to let Yuna get some air. The chocobo poked her head out of the partly opened jacket and warked happily. Tifa was in the middle of filling a glass with beer when she saw Yuffie. At first it was just a casual glance in the woman’s direction, but the moment the barkeep noticed the yellow fluff ball sticking out of the ninja’s front she froze. Tifa stayed in that position until some of the beer spilled out of the mug onto her hands. She let go of the bar pull and jumped over the counter. She made a beeline for Yuffie and grabbed her roughly by the shoulders. 

“Yuffie,” Tifa hissed, glancing down toward Yuffie’s chest. “Get that thing out of here.”

“Yunie isn’t a thing!” Yuffie growled, outraged Tifa would hurl around such insulting words.

“Fine, fine,” Tifa said as she glanced around. “I can’t have a bird in the bar. It’s a health code violation. We have to get you two out of here.”

“Can I sleep with you?” Yuffie asked.

“What?” Tifa said as her attention snapped back to Yuffie.

‘Oh crap,’ thought Yuffie. “What I meant was can I spend the night on your couch?” Yuffie asked. She furiously blushed from her misspeak.

“Well sure you can sleep on my couch.” She gave Yuffie a sideways glance. “But I’m not sleeping with you.”

“I don’t want you to!” Yuffie yelped. She clutched Yuna hard enough to make the chocobo protest.

Tifa’s eyebrows rose. “And why not?” she asked teasingly, placing her hands on her hips.

“Because I have a girlfriend,” Yuffie said proudly. Then her demeanor changed to defeat when she added, “Who is currently really mad at me and threw me out.”

Tifa’s expression softened. She sent Yuffie to her apartment upstairs to settle Yuna for the night. Yuffie put her on the seat of the armchair. Then Yuffie returned to sit at the counter and keep Tifa company. Since they hadn’t talked in ages Yuffie told Tifa all about Kairi: how they met, her major, her preferences, and most importantly, why Yuffie found the redhead so special. Eventually they turned to the subject of how Yuffie became homeless tonight.

“So let me get this straight,” Tifa said as she locked the windows during closing. “During the last week before all her finals week, you step on Kairi’s computer, which contains all of her notes and term paper stuff.”

Yuffie nodded meekly.

“Then Kairi freaks out and sends you out for milk to give herself some time to cool down. Only you come back too soon without said milk, so she kicks you out,” Tifa says, brushing some hair out of her face. 

“Yes,” whispered Yuffie.

“So you now want to make amends?”

“Yes!” whined Yuffie as she pulled on her hair, “It’s only been about twelve hours and I miss her worse than when I’m out competing! I hate when Kairi’s mad at me and I want her back!”

“Chill out,” Tifa said, rolling her eyes. She stopped her shut down procedure to cross her arms and give her full attention to her friend. “It’s simple, Yuffie, all you have to do is atone for your actions.”

“Huh? So I have to convert to Christianity and become a Catholic?” Yuffie asked.

“No, I mean you have to make amends to Kairi.”

“But how do I do that?” Yuffie whined. “She doesn’t give a damn about religion.”

Tifa held up a hand to silence her. “You broke her computer,” she said, lifting her other hand, “you fix it.” She slapped her hands together to make a large noise. “Kapeach?”

Yuffie stared at Tifa for a moment. Tifa stared back. A smile started to spread on Tifa’s face until Yuffie wailed, “I don’t know how to fix a computer!”

Tifa ran a hand across her face and sighed. “That’s why you hire some bloke to do it for you,” she said, continuing before Yuffie could protest, “You are a surfing star. You make millions in a year. You can easily pay for a data retrieval and buy Kairi a new computer. However, to do that you’ll need her current broken computer. I have no idea how you’d go about getting it, but I suppose you could steal it, you are pretty good at swiping things. You can figure out the mechanics on your own. Now, time for bed.”

The women went behind the counter and through the ‘employees only’ door. Yuffie followed Tifa up the stairs into her apartment. The ninja waited while the brunette put a sheet on the couch. She received a pillow and blanket before she curled up on the couch. Yuna insisted on climbing onto the couch with Yuffie, so she used the chocobo as a teddy bear. While Tifa’s couch was better than a lot of places Yuffie had slept in over the years, she missed her bedroom with its soft warm bed, cuddly warm girlfriend, and stupid paopu-print curtains.

The next morning Yuffie was awake with a belly full of bacon and a mission on her mind. It was seven am on a Thursday morning. Kairi’s first class wasn’t until ten and she wouldn’t wake up until nine. Yuffie, the Great Ninja Yuffie, was confident she could get in and out with the laptop and never wake up Kairi.

‘I am a stealthy ninja,’ she thought as the wind tugged at her headband.

She was riding on the roof of the trolley again. Yuffie figured she should bum all the rides she could, since she was about to shell out major cash on a bunch of metal and plastic. While she could technically afford it, Yuffie didn’t like spending that much on something she didn’t really get, like technology.

‘Why should computers be so expensive anyway?’ she grumbled to herself. ‘They’re just a plastic box with some wires and green boards. I could buy—ooh cinnamon buns—buy that crap for six-fifty at the junkyard.’

When the trolley reached her stop, Yuffie leaped onto the bridge because the train didn’t actually stop anywhere near her apartment. She checked her watch and found that she still had over an hour to get in and out. So she went into her building, hopped up the stairs, and unlocked her door.

The ninja crept into the apartment. Her girlfriend was passed out at the kitchen table. Some of Kairi’s red locks were in a bowl of soggy cornflakes. The ninja made no noise as she accessed the situation, although she knew Kairi would be pissed about the milk-hair, which was why she fished it out of the bowl. She slunk through the kitchen then swam through the sea of papers, textbooks, and the occasional caffeine-emptied container that covered the living room. 

The computer was nowhere to be seen. Yuffie snuck into the bedroom and changed her clothes. As per her usual habit, she stuffed the dirty ones under the bed. Suddenly her ninja ears twitched, she heard a yawn. Yuffie froze. When she heard the screech of a chair moving, she dived under the bed.

Kairi walked into the room. Besides having half of her hair either wet or dried with milk, she looked like death warmed over. Her eyes were watery and her nose was swollen and the color of a cherry. What really bothered Yuffie though were the tear tracks on her girlfriend’s face. 

Kairi unbuttoned her shirt. Yuffie wasn’t certain whether she should look or not. She loved Kairi dearly and never wanted to take her eyes off her, but Kairi was currently mad at her and might not like being looked at. She decided to go with the latter choice; it was safer considering the circumstances. Shortly thereafter Kairi left the room and went into the bathroom. As soon as she heard the shower start Yuffie slipped out from under the bed. As she stood up, she noticed the laptop sitting on the windowsill.

“Bingo,” she whispered, picking it up. Yuffie removed a sock from her shirtfront and scuttled out of the apartment.

She bummed another ride from the town’s public transportation system. Over breakfast Tifa had not only promised to watch Yuna, but she had also given Yuffie directions to a good computer repair shop. Yuffie figured that the sooner she showed up to get the computer repaired, the sooner it would get fixed, and the sooner she could surprise Kairi with her papers.

When Yuffie walked in, she saw that the shop was empty, save for a clerk behind the counter. The clerk was dressed all in blue with a large yellow-brimmed hat and didn’t look to be more than a kid. The kid was busily fixing a computer.

“Hi there,” Yuffie said, glancing at the nametag. “Vivi, can you fix this computer?”

She handed Vivi the computer. The kid smiled at her and opened the laptop. Vivi gasped and looked horrified. They—Yuffie decided that if she couldn’t determine the kid’s gender she’d do her best to use third person pronouns—said, “It looks like somebody stepped on the screen. I don’t think it can be fixed.”

“Yeah that’s what happened. Can you do a date return?” she asked earnestly.

Vivi stared at her. They then said, uncomfortably, “Data retrieval? Well yeah, I guess… the motherboard is in the body of the laptop. But I’d have to put the data onto another computer or a USB drive.”

“Ok,” Yuffie said thinking, “and how long would this date retrieval take?”

“Data retrievals take anywhere from a couple hours to several weeks,” Vivi said. “Until I open her up, I can’t tell.”

“How long until you can start the date retrieval?” Yuffie asked.

“Data retrieval.”

“Data retrieval,” Yuffie repeated.

“I’m booked solid for a month,” Vivi said, “What with finals next week and—”

Yuffie snapped. She grabbed Vivi by the collar and hauled them over their counter. “Listen Vivi,” she spat. “This computer belongs to my girlfriend and I accidentally stepped on it. She’s mad at me, really mad, at me and threw me out of the house so I had to sneak back in to get the computer I stepped on. Then I came here because you can fix computers so Kairi can get her term papers and not flunk college so that she’ll take me back. You are responsible for making that happen, Vivi, and if you don’t give me the edge to win her back, I will stalk you down to the ends of the earth and make your life a living hell. Understand?”

Vivi looked dazed when Yuffie set them down. “Is having it done by Sunday okay?” they asked.

“That sounds lovely. Do you want cash or credit?” Yuffie asked, smiling.

***

Sunday evening found Yuffie sitting over a copy machine like a four-year-old watching a cookie. She had been at this for an hour now and was on her second paper. She had six more papers, a play, and three graphic designs to print out. It was going to be a long night. Yuffie pulled her six-pack of caffeine closer. She had a lot of work to do.

Class starting at eight in the morning seemed to be the stupidest idea Yuffie had ever heard of. Sadly, this was the time of day Kairi had her psychology lecture every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So, Monday morning Yuffie crept into the lecture hall at eight ten and sat down in the back of the room. The teacher was blathering on about Freud or something, so Yuffie tuned her out. She had more important things to do, like find the love of her life.

‘There she is!’ thought Yuffie excitedly. 

Kairi was sitting in the middle section, halfway up the seating. She was sitting three seats to the right of the aisle. Normally the redhead would avidly taking notes, but today she was staring off into space. Kairi looked worse than ever, pale and a bit drawn out, although she didn’t have milk in her hair. Yuffie grinned; she couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when she showed up with her paper.

Yuffie sat down in the end seat. That way Kairi still had some personal space. She leaned forward, watching Kairi intently, as she waited to be noticed. Suddenly all of the students stood up and begin filing down to the podium in the center of the room. Yuffie tugged on the sleeve of a cheerful looking brunette and asked, “What’s going on?”

“It’s time to turn in our papers,” she said quietly, “Would you poke Kairi for me? She’s the girl next to you and I don’t think she heard.”

Yuffie nodded and released the brunette. She poked insistently at Kairi’s side until the redhead looked at her. When Kairi saw her, she gasped, quickly bristling. Yuffie grinned and dug around her messenger bag. Then she held up Kairi’s psych paper, giving it a little wave. The redhead just stared at her with jaw dropped, which made Yuffie smile. The ninja got up, joined the masses and turned Kairi’s paper into the teacher’s bin of term papers. Then she returned to Kairi’s side and sat down next to her.

“How did… what…Yuffie?” spluttered Kairi.

“I just turned in your paper for you,” Yuffie grinned.

“You stepped on my computer and broke it,” Kairi whimpered. “Right before I could print out any of my papers.”

Yuffie pushed up the arm divider between the two of them. She wrapped her arm around the younger girl. “I snuck back into the apartment and took your laptop to a repair shop,” Yuffie said, “The machine’s trashed, but they did a date return.” 

“Data retrieval?” Kairi correctly translated.

“I spent all night at a copy shop printing out all the papers and crap from the UFO drive,” she continued.

“USB drive,” Kairi corrected.

“So all the papers are here,” Yuffie said, putting her messenger bag in her lap, “and I’m buying you a new computer.”

“I think my laptop was still under warranty,” Kairi said, wiping tears away from her eyes as she took the messenger bag.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m getting you one with more google chomps,” Yuffie grinned.

“Gigabytes,” Kairi said with a smile.

“And the tooth fairy creature,” Yuffie said with a grin.

“Blue tooth feature?” Kairi guessed, which earned her a vigorous nod.

The stared at each other for a minute then Kairi seemed to decide something because she leaned in and kissed Yuffie. Yuffie held her really tight and let Kairi tuck her head under Yuffie’s chin. They both turned back to the professor, but Yuffie wasn’t listening to her. All in life was good again, the way it should be.


	7. Photos and Threats

Kairi flipped the lights on and dropped her jacket on the counter. She grabbed the door and held it open for her girlfriend, Yuffie, who was carrying several large grocery bags. Yuffie smirked as she passed her and headed into the kitchen. The girls had spent the last three hours shopping and Kairi was glad to be home finally. Kairi locked up and strolled into the kitchen.

“Hey babe,” Yuffie called while her head was in the refrigerator, “The answering machine is blinking again.”

“Got it,” Kairi said, starting the tape.

First the answering machine rattled out their message. “Hey,” came out Kairi’s voice, “This is Kairi Hart and—Yuffie Kisaragi!—Sorry, but we’re not here right now. Please leave a message.” The machine beeped and its electronic voice said they had two messages.

As the machine could rattle off all the new messages without further prompting Kairi started putting groceries away. She could delete anything useless later, they certainly had the space on their machine. She stuffed some cans and cereal into the cupboard while waiting for the first message. 

“First message,” the answering machine said. “Kairi, Yuffie,” Tifa’s voice came over the speaker, “I’ve got the reservation ready for your first anniversary. I think everybody is coming; Link even promised to drag Cloud along. So gimme a call if there are any details you guys want to hash out.”

Kairi grinned at that. She could barely believe it had been a year since Yuffie ran her over in rollerblades and they had that first date. Just about everything in her life had changed dramatically since then.

“Second message,” the voice said. “Ms. Kisaragi?” a woman asked, “This is the Wutai hospital. I have some unfortunate news. Your father, Godo Kisaragi, has suffered several serious injuries and is currently at our hospital. We need you to come in as soon as possible. Our number is…”

Kairi’s mind froze. ‘Yuffie’s dad is hurt?’ she thought, ‘Why are they calling us, he hates her.’ Kairi heard a large crash. She turned and saw that Yuffie had dropped the carton of eggs. Yellow yolk seeped out of the container and spread out over the tiled floor.

“Dad,” whispered Yuffie. The ninja rubbed at her eyes in an attempt to keep them dry.

“Oh Yuf,” Kairi said gently. The redhead pulled the older girl close and held her as she cried.

***

“Dad,” Yuffie screeched as she raced down the hospital hall. Kairi followed her at a slower pace. The redhead was amazed at the trail of destruction that the ninja had left behind, the worst of which was the spilled blood supply—thankfully, none of the packages were ruptured, though their packing ice was now all over the floor—and the three downed patients. Several doctors glared at the receding figure.

‘I have got to buy her a leash,’ Kairi thought grimly as she helped a patient to his feet.

She her embarrassment grew with every step she took following the evidence of Yuffie’s route. Eventually it led her into one of the patient rooms. As the door was ajar Kairi peeked inside. Yuffie stood in the center of a patient’s room. She had a doe in the headlight expression on her face. All of the ninja’s attention was focused on the slumbering man in the hospital bed. Kairi assumed that this was Godo Kisaragi, Yuffie’s father.

All four of Godo’s limbs were in casts. Both legs were tied up so that they hung in the air. He had a pointed angular face with a long narrow face without too many wrinkles. While his hair was grey at the temples it was still thick, black, and glossy everywhere else. Under bushy eyebrows he had the wispy mustache and goatee combo that all the ancient dojo masters seem to have in the martial arts movies. 

Kairi shuffled up to Yuffie and wrapped her arms around the older girl’s neck. After two attempts of being shrugged off, Kairi hugged her around the waist instead. “It’s going to be okay, Yuf,” Kairi said softly, “It looks like the doctors have done a thorough job patching him up. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

They stood there for quite a while before a doctor came in on during her rounds. She checked Godo’s charts and his bandages. She seemed surprised that Kairi and Yuffie were standing in the room. “Hello there,” she said pleasantly. 

“Is my dad gonna die, Doc?” Yuffie asked worriedly. The doctor blinked then shook her head.

“Gracious no,” she said, sounding surprised.

“What happened to Mr. Kisaragi?” Kairi asked. She felt that someone had to ask for basic information, as Yuffie was too upset to get the full story right now. The doctor flipped through his charts before answering.

“It seems that Mr. Kisaragi was drunk and fell off the roof,” she said and looked back down at the papers. “Then a car ran him over.”

“Oh,” Yuffie said meekly.

“He should be ready for release in a few days, although, full recovery will take weeks, possibly months at his age. If you are unable to care for him yourself, you’ll need to find a licensed home care service to help him until he is able to care for himself again,” the doctor said briskly. “I’ll leave you here to spend some time with him.” She then walked out of the room.

Yuffie crept up to the bed and stared at her sleeping father. Kairi stood at the edge of the curtain surrounding Godo’s bed. She felt it would be best to give Yuffie some privacy with her dad. She watched as Yuffie gently stroked her father’s cheek. Unexpectedly his eyes snapped open. He stared at Yuffie for a moment until he recognized her.

“You,” he snarled angrily. Yuffie pulled her hand back like she had been burned.

“Hey dad,” she said weakly. “The hospital called and said you got hurt, I had to come to see if you were okay.”

“If I was okay I wouldn’t be in the hospital!” he barked at her. He continued to rail against her, complaining about old disasters she had caused and current neglectful behavior in relation to her filial obligations. Yuffie shrank back with every barbed comment and Kairi realized she hated this man who didn’t deserve to be called Yuffie’s father. When he finally seemed to run out of steam, Godo settled down and asked, “Have you straightened yourself out, kid?”

Yuffie brightened considerably. “Oh yeah, dad, of course,” she said happily, “I’ve been staying out of trouble and everything. I haven’t picked a fight in over a year, although I could still finish one, and I’ve got a much better hold on my temper. I even went to college, Tokyo University for two years. I bet you weren’t expecting that. They didn’t even throw me out or anything like that. Sure, I was only there for an athletic surfing scholarship, but my grades were good enough that they didn’t throw me out after the first semester. I only left because I went pro… oh! Did I tell you I went pro in surfing, Dad?”

“That’s all very well and good,” he said sounding exasperated, “but that’s not what I was asking. Are you still a faggot?”

Yuffie deflated like a punctured balloon. Her bravado was replaced with the beaten dog expression she had sported ever since the hospital called. Yuffie looked down at her shoes, but didn’t say anything.

“Well?” asked Godo, “Are you or aren’t you a faggot?”

Kairi stared worriedly at her ninja. ‘Just say you were wrong before,’ Kairi thought unhappily. ‘If you need this bastard so badly, just lie. If he asks about me, I’m your roommate and nothing more. I understand babe.’

Yuffie continued to stare at her shoes while her father looked on expectantly. She glanced hesitantly at Kairi. Kairi tried to smile back, but her attempt went poorly. Yuffie stared at her for a monument before she nodded silently. The ninja-surfer turned back to her father. 

“No,” she said, “I’m not a faggot.” Her father breathed a sigh of relief and was about to speak when she continued, “I’m not a faggot, but I am gay. I’m a lesbian to be exact and I’m proud of it. I’m doing well in life, I’m rich, I’m happy, and I have a girlfriend. I’m not gonna hide it, I am what I am.”

Godo’s face went bright red. “Get out!” he roared, “Get out you faggot! I never want to see your face again!”

Yuffie’s nerve broke. She turned and ran out of the room as her father continued to scream. Kairi glared at the man, silently swore that she’d get him for this later, and followed Yuffie out of the room. Several nurses rushed in to try and settle their patient. Kairi ignored the situation as taking care of Yuffie was far more important to her. She needed to find her girlfriend before she did something really stupid.

Kairi found Yuffie on the roof of the hospital smoking a cigarette. Yuffie stood next to the edge of the roof leaning over the three-foot safety wall. A column of smoke floated away from her. Kairi strolled up to her and stared silently for a moment. “Yuffie, your dad is a bastard,” Kairi said, “but that is no reason for smoking.”

Yuffie jumped guiltily when Kairi spoke. She turned around and smiled guiltily, cigarette dangling from her mouth. “Hey babe,” she said uneasily.

Kairi glared at her girlfriend with her hands on her hips. “Why are you smoking?” she demanded. “And where did you even get those?”

“Bummed a stick off a guy. I used to smoke a lot when I was younger,” Yuffie said, “and I still do when I get really stressed. Occasionally.”

“I can’t believe this!” yelled Kairi. She ripped the cigarette from the girl’s mouth and flicked it over the ledge. “You’re gonna mess up your athletic ability and lose your job, you idiot! Don’t even get me started on the cancer and other health risks you’ve subjected yourself to!”

Kairi would have continued her cigarette rant, but she noticed that Yuffie was crying. She stood there dumbly watching her girlfriend cry. Yuffie shouldn’t have been smoking, but Kairi had forgotten she was under a lot of stress and emotional turmoil right now. The last thing she needed was Kairi screaming at her about a habit she knew was bad, and she didn’t do it very often as Kairi hadn’t previously caught her at it. The redhead exhaled loudly and reached out to the older girl. Yuffie pushed her away at first, but pressed her head against Kairi’s shoulder when the younger girl was finally able to pull her close.

“Kairi,” mumbled Yuffie softly as she clung to younger girl, “Why does he hate me so much?”

“A lot of people are idiots because they fear homosexuals,” Kairi said softly. “They just don’t get that we’re all the same. I know that it’s hard to stand, but your dad is one of them.”

“I hate crying because of him,” Yuffie said quietly. “He doesn’t deserve off of these tears, and yet he still gets them.”

Kairi pulled back a bit from Yuffie so she could look at her face. “Come on,” she said, “let’s get out of here. You can show me around your hometown.”

Yuffie sniffed a few more times and then grinned evilly. “I know the perfect place to start.” She grabbed Kairi’s hand and pulled the redhead toward the roof entrance. “We’ll start at my old place,” she said smirking at Kairi.

“Didn’t your dad chase you off the property with a shotgun when you were seventeen?” Kairi asked jogging down the stairs. 

“Yeah, but he’s not here right now,” she said, “Plus I already know all of the traps he sets, so nothing could go wrong.” Kairi had a really bad feeling about this.

***

“So this was your room,” Kairi said, looking around.

“Yup,” Yuffie grinned. She leaned against the doorframe watching Kairi look around. They were standing in the room Yuffie’s childhood bedroom. She hadn’t been in here in years and by the looks of things, no one else had used it. Of course, before reaching this room Yuffie picked lock on the back door of her father’s house. It had been a bit difficult navigating around the traps left by Yuffie’s paranoid old man, but at least she was right was right about Godo not changing the type and positioning he used to use when she lived there.

“Hey,” Kairi said when she noticed the wallpaper, “You’ve got My Little Pony all over your walls.”

“That was put up when I was three,” Yuffie said defensively.

“And yet it was still up when you were seventeen?” Kairi asked trying not to smirk. “Come on Yuffie, it was unfair of you to make fun of my Disney Princesses.”

“At least I didn’t add more ponies to my wall when I got older,” Yuffie shot back, “Mulan wasn’t around until you were at least seven.”

“I was eight, thank you very much,” Kairi said stiffly, “and she was courageous; she taught lots of girls how to be brave. What did your horses do? Oh, I know by the magic invested in my horn, flowers will sprout out of the ground!”

“That was the Pretty Pretty Unicorns show doofus,” Yuffie said, glared at her. “That’s a completely different show and wasn’t half as good.”

Kairi’s eyes widened. “You’re stooping to name calling now?” she asked snidely. “Wouldn’t the ponies be offended by your use of foul language.”

“Yeah, well what sort of moral values are your princesses teaching?” Yuffie shot back. “Sleeping Beauty marries a man she only met once upon a dream, Snow White moved in with seven unmarried men, Ariel tossed away her entire life and family to be with some guy who left her for another woman for a while! And don’t even get me started on Alice and her hallucinatory drugs! Damn caterpillar with a hookah!”

Kairi stared at her seething girlfriend. There was a tense minute of silence. “Okay, let’s make a deal to never again argue about our childhood role models,” Kairi said, “I don’t want to lose you to a horse.”

“Deal,” Yuffie agreed. The ninja went over to her bed and shoved it a foot to the left.

“What are you doing?” Kairi asked as she watched the ninja carefully pull the carpet out from the wallboard and peel it back until the wooden floorboards showed.

Yuffie started prying the nails out of a floorboard with a small hammer she must have specifically kept lying around for this exact purpose. “I’m getting at my super secret stash,” she explained as she pulled out the board.

“We broke into your father’s house to steal four-year-old pot” Kairi asked, rather surprised. She didn’t think Yuffie would go to all this trouble to hide drugs. Then again, until this afternoon she hadn’t realized Yuffie smoked.

Yuffie gave her a scandalized look. “Drugs?” squawked Yuffie, “Kairi my dear, I may have been an idiot and did a lot of stupid things, but doing drugs isn’t among them. Fighting, cigarettes, and cheap or dangerous thrills were my thing.” She carefully set the board down to keep the carpet in place. “Besides,” she added with a grin, “if there was any pot here it would be of such crap quality it wouldn’t be worth using. Naw, this is where I kept my most important possessions and shit I didn’t want the old man seeing.”

Kairi, who was now the scandalized one, watched Yuffie pull out an old shoebox. The ninja reverently set down the box and then pulled a couple of porn magazines out of the secret compartment. The redhead snorted because of course Yuffie kept nudie magazines as a teenager.

“Oh, like you never had any,” Yuffie said in a disbelieving tone. 

“Nope, never did. Remember, I didn’t realize that I was gay until after I met you and I’ve never been that interested in pictures of random naked people.” Kairi said matter-of-factly. She added, “So what’s in the box, more porn?”

“Hardly,” scoffed Yuffie. She picked up the box and tapped its side. “If I’m gonna show you this stuff, I want you to be serious. This is important to me, understand?”

Kairi nodded and waited quietly. Yuffie carefully blew off the layer of dust on the top of the box and opened it. She pulled out a stack of photos and handed them to Kairi. The first one was of a beautiful Asian woman in a yellow kimono. She was careful to only handle it by the edges. She didn’t want her skin’s oils to damage this already old and fragile photo.

‘She’s so gorgeous,’ Kairi thought.

“That was my mom,” Yuffie said softly. Kairi looked at her. Yuffie had a thoughtful expression on her face as she gnawed on her lower lip. “She died when I was four. She was sick for a really long time before she died, but I don’t really know what with. Probably cancer. I mean, isn’t it always cancer?”

Kairi reached out and stroked the other girl’s cheek. Yuffie shook away her hand and busied herself with re-nailing the floorboard in place. Kairi flipped to the next picture in the stack. The same woman was in it holding a small child and standing next to a handsome man. Kairi’s eyes widened.

‘That’s Yuffie’s dad,’ she thought excitedly, ‘So that must be Yuffie!’ Kairi determined that Yuffie was a cute toddler and flipped to the next page. The next one was of a young Yuffie, this time she was recognizable, wearing a huge grin and holding up a black belt as her father stood proudly beside her. The fourth photo showed a nervous Yuffie sitting still while her father tied a white bandana around her head. After puzzling over the photo for a moment, Kairi realized that it must be a photo of when Yuffie became a full-fledged ninja.

“Hey, Yuffie, who are these people?” Kairi asked when she looked at the next photo. Besides Yuffie, who looked like she was about eight in this one, there was a brunette girl and a blonde boy with spiky hair and a ponytail. The other two looked a few years older than Yuffie.

“Oh,” Yuffie said when she saw the photo, “That’s Tifa and Cloud. You know Tifa, but Cloud was like a big brother to me. I haven’t seen him since he went off to military boarding school when I was nine.”

“Cloud?” Kairi asked feeling surprised. There couldn’t be very many blonde men with naturally spiky hair around who were named Cloud. It seemed weird that Yuffie could have known her old boss as a kid though.

“Yeah, Cloud Strife,” Yuffie said fondly, “he and Tifa were both from Nibleheim, but they visited us here to learn Kung fu from my dad. Cloud had this dorky ponytail that needed about a gallon of gel everyday to keep it lying down, unlike the rest of his hair. He was like a big brother and Tifa, a sister, to me. Dad loved him like a son; I wonder what ever happened to him.”

“I think this is my boss,” Kairi said.

Yuffie looked at her, surprised, “What?”

“You know, the guy I’ve been working for since I started my senior year of high school,” Kairi said. When all she received was a blank look she added, “The guy you thought I was cheating on you with.”

Yuffie’s eyes widened. “That was Cloud?”

“I think so, Yuffie. His name’s Cloud Strife and he has spiky blonde hair,” Kairi said. “I highly doubt there are that many guys matching that description running around.”

“Okay, that’s really weird,” Yuffie said. She flipped to the next photo. It was of Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, and Godo all in formal dojo wear. Yuffie flipped to the next photo, but since it was the first picture again, she stuck them back in the box. “Come on, help me get this room back together.”

Kairi carefully picked up Yuffie’s shoebox. Yuffie carefully put the carpet back into place so that the split in it was unnoticeable. The ninja then shoved the bed back into place. Kairi led the way out of Yuffie’s room, though Yuffie had to lead the way out of the Kisaragi home. Kairi could not remember where most of the booby traps were. When they were safely out Yuffie carefully locked the door she had picked and then gave Kairi a grin. 

“Well, at least I have all of my important stuff now,” Yuffie said, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

“What else is in the box?” Kairi asked curiously.

“Oh, you know,” Yuffie said shrugging. “The usual things a girl finds important. Those pictures, my throwing stars and knives, my black belt with accompanying proof that I’ve earned it, and my ninja certification.” She fell silent for a moment thinking, “Silver chopsticks with my name engraved on them—which was a gift from my grandparents when I was born—my mother’s comb and… oh, her wedding ring!”

Kairi knew that weaponry wasn’t usually an important thing to most girls, but Yuffie wasn’t exactly normal. Ninjas generally weren’t. However, if Yuffie figured that was normal, she wasn’t going to burst Yuffie’s bubble. “Hey,” she said slowly, “I know you left home at seventeen, but what did you do then?”

The ninja glanced at her before climbing into their rental car. Kairi followed suit and passed the box to Yuffie. As Kairi started the ignition, Yuffie said, “After dad threw me out, I was kind of lost for a while. I lived in the park for three weeks of my junior year before Tifa found out and insisted that I move in with her. The three of us, me, her, and her dad, lived together for about a year and a half before I went to Tokyo for college. I spent about two years in high school being known as ‘the fag’ to my classmates.”

“That must have been really rough,” Kairi said quietly as she drove down Main Street. Yuffie laughed.

“No, not really,” she grinned. “Since I’ve always been a fighter, everyone was too scared to call me gay to my face. I mean, we dusted up about other things, but since it was obvious I wasn’t getting involved with anyone at school, the resulting beat down from taunting me about being gay wasn’t worth it. Tifa didn’t get much flack either since she was just out of high school and people didn’t realize that there was any connection between us.”

“Everyone sounds really horrible here,” Kairi said.

“Nah, they’re just not very open minded,” Yuffie said with a chuckle, “Hell, I wasn’t very open minded either, but I’ve gotten better since I moved out of Wutai. It’s a great place to grow up in, very safe, but new ideas don’t come easily here. Sure, I bet you can like girls just fine here, but ya can’t flaunt it, and I didn’t fit in really well because you know I’m not good at hiding anything. Anyway, I love my hometown but I’d much rather live in Twilight with you.”

Kairi smiled quietly and tried to control her blush. Even after a year of living with Yuffie and her sappy remarks, Kairi still turned vermilion at any show of endearment. She was shy and easily embarrassed, but she did love it when Yuffie showed her affection. Making certain Kairi always felt loved and wanted was one of the ninja’s better qualities.

“I’m going to stop by the hospital before we go home,” Kairi said softly.

“What?” the ninja squawked clutching the small box.

“He may dislike you and I know I don’t like him, but,” Kairi sighed and looked at her girlfriend, “You love him. If I don’t make him some sort of arrangements so that he gets better, you’ll be unhappy. I don’t want you unhappy, so I’m off to fix things. You, stay here.”

Yuffie nodded mutely as she watched Kairi get out of the car. The redhead smiled at her ninja as she shut the car and locked it. Kairi strode into the hospital. She caught a staff member of the hospital’s administration to hash out Godo’s immediate future. After an hour of hammering out details and running through legalities Kairi had set up a decent plan for Godo’s rehabilitation, at least, if he would sign off on them. Technically, Kairi was surprised they were willing to talk to her about his recovery plan at all, since she wasn’t family and Godo was awake, but she guessed things were different here in Wutai. He would to be released from the hospital in a week and then cared for by a nurse until his arms were healed.

Kairi marched up to Godo’s room. She strode in and stood next to his bed arms folded. After a moment he noticed that Kairi was there and demanded to know who she was.

“Hey, we weren’t properly introduced last time I was here, but that’s not really that important because I’m just here to tell you that you should be released in a week and a home care nurse will come and stay with you. That is, of course, if you agree to this arrangement, which I expect you will as it is the most sensible course of action,” she said from the doorway. She walked over to his bedside. “Otherwise Yuffie and I will have to come back and deal with you again and frankly I’d rather just get rid of you than let you hurt her again.”

“What are you talking about?” Godo demanded, spluttering angrily.

“Yuffie, your daughter, loves you dearly and would do anything to keep you safe,” Kairi continued. She leaned in close to Godo’s face and lowered her voice. “You mean the world to her and yet you treat her like dirt. I don’t ever want to see her cry again because of you. If you ever insult or hurt Yuffie again, I will castrate you and break every bone in your body.”

“I understand,” Godo said after staring at her appraisingly for a little while. It seemed that angry and threats were the best way to get him to listen, which was surprising, but if it worked Kairi would do it for Yuffie. He tried to shift in bed, but couldn’t move much. “Who are you?”

“Why, I’m Kairi Hart,” Kairi said cheerfully. She did not offer to shake hands, mostly because his arms were still in a pair of casts. “I’m your daughter’s girlfriend. It’s nice to meet you.”

Kairi turned on her heel and walked out of the room. She left the hospital and climbed into the car. “Hey. Yuf,” she said kissing her sleeping girlfriend on the cheek. Yuffie woke up and gave her a sleepy smile. Kairi smiled back and said, “Your dad is gonna be fine, I’ve made arrangements for him. I assume he’s got insurance that can take care of the medical bills, which he can deal with himself. If not, we’d need to come back and figure those out.”

“Yeah, that’s great, thanks, Kai,” Yuffie said, nodding vigorously.

“Your father and I also had a little talk,” she said grimly.

“Really?” Yuffie asked nervously.

“Yes,” she said. “He realized that his behavior was uncouth, so he sends his apologies for the way he treated you.”

“Really,” Yuffie asked excitedly.

“Yup,” Kairi said grinning. He hadn’t exactly said that, but a little white lie wouldn’t hurt too much. She’d ensure they could slowly develop a healthier bond. Yuffie let out an excited whoop and raced into the hospital. ‘Oh shit,’ Kairi thought, worriedly. She ran after Yuffie into the hospital to try and keep this from blowing up and hurting everyone involved.

Kairi made it into the hospital room a moment after Yuffie did. She watched the ninja eagerly approach the bed. ‘Shit,’ Kairi thought, ‘He’s gonna start screaming at her.’

“Hey dad,” Yuffie said timidly.

Godo’s face turned purple, but he finally gasped, “Yuffie.”

“Daddy,” she said excitedly. Her face just lit up with hope at the acknowledgement.

‘This might turn out okay,’ Kairi thought, a smile slowly spreading over her face. She could hope too.

“You are a homosexual who has brought dishonor upon our family,” Mr. Kisaragi said sternly. “You will never have children to continue our line.”

‘I am going to kill him,’ Kairi thought angrily. Godo just blew his chance to fix things spectacularly.

“However,” Godo continued, “You are my daughter and, even with your serious faults, I love you. You, Yuffie, made me the proudest father a daughter could ever have when you were young. Hopefully you will continue to honor me with your exploits as an adult.”

The room was silent when Godo finished. Kairi was certain that she’d have to do something drastic when Yuffie flung her arms around her father. When she pulled back, Kairi saw that she had a huge grin on her face, even though she was crying.

“Dad,” Yuffie said happily, “that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“You’re welcome,” Godo said gruffly.

“Oh, and as for the whole kids thing,” Yuffie grinned widely, “I’m probably going to be able to talk Kairi into have kids for us after she finishes college. Or, you know, we could adopt if she prefers. So the family line will be continued after all.”

Kairi stared at the happy reunion. She couldn’t believe that Yuffie was bringing up her child crusade to her father. ‘I can’t believe this,’ she thought, ‘I guess my threat really did work after all. I really hope Yuffie doesn’t mention her plan of getting me “in the family way” to my mom.’ Kairi strolled out of the room to get some coffee and allow them some time to catch up.

***

“So you guys had a good visit?” Kairi asked.

“Yup, he wanted to hear all about my surfing competitions,” Yuffie said happily. She was driving them back to Twilight Town in the rental car. Kairi looked up from the map to smile at her.

“That must have been fun,” Kairi said.

“Mmm-hmm,” Yuffie said. “He was so disappointed that I haven’t been keeping up with my kung fu and ninjutsu, but he gave me a great idea on how to get back in the swing of things and maybe start practicing again.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Kairi asked.

“I’ll teach you kung fu!” Yuffie shouted happily.

“Seriously?” Kairi asked, surprised. She had always thought it would be neat to learn, but never had the time as a kid. “Aren’t I too old to learn?” she asked warily.

“Naw, it’ll be a bit harder, but we’ll have lots of fun,” Yuffie said with a grin. “He also said he’s gonna send us a card for our anniversary. By the way, there was something kind of weird. Dad said that you’d be good for me since you’re a super bitch that would make me behave. I definitely snapped at him when he said that, but do you have any idea what he was talking about? I mean, did you even do more than say hello to him?”

‘Oh great,’ Kairi thought, but she decided to say something comforting instead. “Don’t worry about it, Yuffie, it’s not really important.”

“I can’t wait to get home and see Yunie,” Yuffie chirped happily.

“Me too,” Kairi agreed softly. She cuddled up to her ninja as they drove back toward Twilight Town and home.


	8. Kisaragi, Yuffie Kisaragi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit more violence in this chapter than most of the others.

“Do-dooo… Do-doooo…” Yuffie hummed the James Bond theme song softly as she checked her pistol. She had her back up against a wall near a corner.

Pulling out her pistol and holding it up near her head she carefully looked around the corner. Yuffie saw her beautiful girlfriend tied up to evil Professor Wise’s Trial of Doom. She, Yuffie the Great Ninja-Spy, couldn’t leave her lover hostage, so she was about to perform a rescue.

Yuffie adjusted her bowtie, whispering, “Showtime.”

She leaped forward, wrapped an arm around Kairi’s waist, and hoisted the redhead out of her chair. Yuffie ran forward, carrying the screaming girl, and tripped on a rug. Agent Kisaragi pulled both of them through a somersault and then launched the two off the floor and onto the bed. Rolling slightly Yuffie managed to straddle her harried girlfriend. She smirked devilishly at her prey.

“I take it you had fun at _Casino Royale_ ,” Kairi said breathlessly.

“Mmm-hmm,” Yuffie answered, though she was more focused on unbuttoning the top of Kairi’s blouse. “Although Sean Connery could easily kick this new Bond’s ass.”

Kairi frowned slightly and pulled Yuffie’s pistol out of her hand after it whacked her in the chin. “Don’t stick this thing in my face,” she said then sniffed the barrel. “What did you fill this with, Yuffie?”

“Brandy,” Yuffie laughed malevolently.

“Lovely,” Kairi drawled and squirted brandy up Yuffie’s nose.

“Gaa!” Yuffie screamed. She fell off the bed onto the floor.

Kairi jumped down, landing squarely on Yuffie. She jabbed the brandy-filled pistol under Yuffie’s chin. “So, are you ready to surrender, Yuf?” she asked, caressing Yuffie’s cheek with her free hand.

“I never give up, I never surrender!” Yuffie shouted. “Victory will be mine!”

Yuffie’s oath earned her another squirt to the face of brandy. When she was thoroughly soaked Kairi leaned in and kissed her. She had shifted so that she had pinned older girl under her. 

“You know, I would believe that,” Kairi said, playing with the ninja’s hair, “but I’m not the one with the flavored face.”

“But you do taste good,” Yuffie said, licking her collarbone. “Really.”

Kairi’s breath hitched. “We are not having sex on the floor.”

“Well, we’ve got a bed right there, babe,” the older girl smirked.

Suddenly the redhead frowned and looked away from Yuffie muttering “Yuna.”

“What about her?” asked Yuffie as she covertly pulled the blouse off Kairi’s shoulders. “Because I can tell you that you aren’t thinking about her during sex.”

“What?” asked Kairi, looking aghast. “No!”

“Why’d ya mention her then?” Yuffie demanded.

“I just remembered that you have to take Yuna to an appointment with the vet.”

“Now?” Yuffie whined. “Can’t it wait half an hour?” she pleaded rubbing one of Kairi’s breasts gently.

Kairi glared at her. “How the hell did you get my bra off without me noticing?” The redhead got up and pulled her blouse tightly shut. She brushed her bangs out of her eyes and glared at her girlfriend. “You know what, I don’t want to know. Just take the bird to the vet’s.”

“Spoil sport,” Yuffie grumbled as she got up from the floor. Grinning, she started to viciously tickle the redhead. She managed to steer the tickle fight back onto the bed. 

“Yuffie!” Kairi screamed as she laughed hysterically. “Get off! I have… ha ha ha… to finish that paper… Wednesday!”

“Oh yeah!” Yuffie crowed when she had pulled off Kairi’s blouse and dangled it over the girl trapped between her legs. Kairi growled and tried to push the ninja off, but she had no leverage. 

Yuna, seeing her dear mother in danger, gave a battle wark and rushed into the room. She ferociously attacked the soles Yuffie’s feet with her beak. Yuffie screamed in pain and fell off the bed onto the little chocobo.

“Serves you right,” Kairi snapped, pulling Yuffie roughly to her feet. However, she did convince the mini chocobo that they were only playing and to lay off with the attack.

Before she could properly thank her for the rescue the redhead then threw the ninja out the front door, although since Yuffie’s feet didn’t actually leave the floor, it was more like falling out. Yuffie rolled onto her back and stared at the door in a daze as it clicked shut. Moments later it reopened, her boots were thrown in her face, and then door slammed shut again. After Yuffie laced up her boots, the door opened a third time. Yuna was carefully pushed through and the door snapped shut a final time. When she picked up the chocobo, she noticed a bus fare attached to the bird’s collar. 

‘I guess she wasn’t in the mood,’ Yuffie thought, feet still smarting. “Why did you attack me?” Yuffie demanded. “You know I’m your mommy too.” 

Yuna smirked at the girl. At least, that’s what it looked like to Yuffie. Kairi insisted she anthropomorphized the chocobo too much.

“You’re a real bitch sometimes, Yunie,” Yuffie growled before sighing. “Guess we’d better get going. If we miss the appointment, Kairi’ll have my head.” 

It wasn’t until after they stepped out of the apartment building and the arctic wind hit them that Yuffie realized that she didn’t have her coat. “Could this day get any worse?” the ninja screeched, scaring various pedestrians. 

***

Yuffie was still in a foul mood when she reached the vet. After checking in with the receptionist, she sat down in the lobby near a giggly man with a dirty blonde mullet. He had two cat carriers next to him. Yuffie clutched Yuna to her chest tightly.

“Oh!” the man said. It looked like he was staring at her chest. “You’ve got a chocobo too!” he squealed. “What’s his name?”

“Her name,” Yuffie growled, “is Yuna.”

“I’m so sorry, Yuna, I should have realized your effeminate beauty,” the man said. “I’ve got two of my own,” he added, tapping the cat carriers lightly.

Yuffie stared at the strange man blankly. “Who are you?” she asked.

“Me?” the man squeaked, clearly embarrassed, “I’m Demyx, Demyx Nocturne. These are Little Demyx and Little Zexion.”

“You named your chocobo after yourself?” Yuffie asked, silently adding, ‘How conceited can you get?’

“No, I found Little Dem already with that name, and I thought ‘Oh my god, this is so cool, that chocobo has my name.’ When I saw Little Dem had a mullet and could sing, I realized there was no way he wasn’t coming home with me,” Demyx blathered. “Then when I saw Little Zexy, I immediately thought of Zexy and knew he would love him, so I got him too. Besides, Little Dem started crying when I put him in the car without Little Zexy.”

She frowned for a moment, trying to remember why chocobos named Demyx and Zexion sounded familiar. Then it hit her. “Oh,” Yuffie grinned. “You must have gotten Dem and Zexy from Link! Did you know Demyx is afraid of heights?”

“Yeah, I did,” Demyx nodded. He paused for a moment, processing the rest of Yuffie’s statement. “Really? Because I am too.”

Yuffie blinked at the odd coincidence, but smiled at the cheerful man. She introduced herself to him and they both tried to shake each other’s arm out of its socket. Finding themselves evenly matched, Demyx gave her a chocolate bar and popped another one into his own mouth. 

“This is so cool,” Yuffie laughed. “Kairi and I got Yuna from Link too. He’s also our vet. I mean, we almost had that creepy old guy who’s always talking to his rats, but then it turned out Link and Cloud—that’s Link’s boyfriend—actually live closer to here than Tokyo and Link’s practice was really located here. I think he’s also trying to make Cloud move his firm here to cut down on his commute. Anyway, my point is that I didn’t have to deal with creepy rat man more than once because we were able to get Link!”

“Really?” asked Demyx, “Because Link is our vet too! Our appointment isn’t for another hour, but Zexy wanted me out of the house so he could work on his chemistry papers in peace. I tend to, ah… distract him.”

“Are you serious?” Yuffie laughed. “‘Cause Kairi kicked me out of the apartment to take Yunie to the vet, even though that’s usually her job, so she can work on her a paper due in a couple days. It’s like we’re twins or something.”

Demyx stared at her. “You’re right,” he breathed, “we are twins.”

A small blond childish looking fellow with pointed ears came out from the back of the office. He wore a white lab coat and carried a small file. “Ah, Yuffie,” he said, smiling pleasantly. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Hi ya Link,” Yuffie said happily. “Did ya know Demyx and I are twins?”

“Really?” Link said, nodding slightly. “Well, you’ll have to leave your twin now so I can give Yuna her physical.”

“Okey dokey, Linky,” Yuffie agreed, following Link into Exam Room 2.

“Yuffie, I would appreciate it if you’d use my proper title when I’m acting in a professional capacity as your family veterinarian,” Link said. “I did go through veterinary school and earn a V.M.D. after my undergraduate work.”

“Sorry Link, it’s just you look like a little kid playing dress up,” Yuffie said.

Link scowled, or at least he tried, but it really just looked like he was pouting. “It’s not my fault that I have a genetic disorder,” he whined, “Just because my body will always look childlike doesn’t mean you should tease me for it.”

“So in other words, you’re a pedophile’s wet dream since you’re a legal adult, but still look like a child,” Yuffie said, nodding wisely. Link shot her a disdainful look. “Does this mean Cloud has some seriously weird kinks ‘cause he’s sleeping with you?” she asked.

“No it doesn’t,” Link snapped. “Cloud and I have many personality traits that make us very compatible, many of which are not physically based. Now I’d like to get to Yuna; we’re not here to discuss my sex life.”

He carefully picked Yuna and set her on the examination table. Link carefully checked her eyes, beak, plumage, coloration, and claws before taking her temperature. He stretched out her wings and gently twisted them to examine the fragile bone structure. 

Yuffie was fascinated. She had no idea that Yuna’s wings could bend that way and much less that the little bird would let anyone do that to her. Yuna wouldn’t listen to any requests Yuffie made. The bird wouldn’t even let Yuffie use the bathroom unmolested; she loved to chase her out, especially when she was in the shower. Only reason Yuffie was allowed to share a bed with Kairi was because Kairi willed it.

“How’d ya get her to agree to all that?” Yuffie asked.

Link looked surprised. “She’s one of my birds,” he said, “I hatched her and cared for her as a chick. She’ll always be willing to follow my instructions because she loves and trusts me to have her best interests in mind. Yuna is one of my chocobo children.”

‘Ah ha! Now I’ve learned your little secret,’ Yuffie thought smartly, squinting her eyes at the chocobo on the examining table. ‘You want Link and Kairi to get together since they’re your parents. Well, over my dead body.’ Yuffie blanched when a new thought occurred to her, ‘Maybe Yunie plans to turn me into a dead body. She’s always pecking at my feet, it could be a sign of her evil intentions.’

“Yuffie?” Link asked, touching her arm.

Yuffie jumped. “You’re not killing me to get your parents together!” the ninja yelled leaping onto a small plastic chair that was in the corner of the examination room, “I’ll never sleep when you’re around again!” 

Link stared at her wide-eyed. “What are you talking about?” he asked before shifting uncomfortably and said, “…Yuna’s fine.”

“Yunie’s fine?” Yuffie scoffed. “She’s not fine, she’s a psychotic killer hiding in the guise of an innocent chocobo. She wants to whack me!”

“Yuffie, Yuna doesn’t want to kill you,” Link said calmly. “She loves you and cares about you. Her family would be incomplete if you weren’t there. Yunie is a perfectly wonderful chocobo that you should be proud of. So, go take her home.”

Yuffie leapt down and gingerly scooped the bird up off the table. She could tell that Yuna was mad at her, but for once that didn’t involve pecking. 

“Hey girl,” Yuffie crooned as she moved to the front desk to pay for their visit. “I’m sorry I accused you of intending to commit murder.”

As soon as Yuffie paid at the reception desk, she was knocked down by a mass of white and brown. At first the ninja thought it was a bear because of its massive claws and size, but then realized bears wouldn’t be in a veterinary hospital’s lobby. Yuffie recognized it exactly the moment it started licking and slobbering all over her.

“Angelo!” she cried, shoving the shaggy dog off of her. The collie-lab mix happily continued to lick and nuzzling her. “What are you doing here, boy?” Yuffie asked while playing with the dog’s fur.

“Getting his shots and annual checkup,” a woman said. She squatted down next to Yuffie and Angelo, brushing some of her dark brown hair out of her face. She smiled faintly, “Hey Yuffie.” 

“Rinoa,” Yuffie said softly. It was painful to see her after all of these years. There she was giving Yuffie that same old Mona Lisa smile, like she knew everything in the whole wide world. She was even wearing that same blue dress that Yuffie always remembered her wearing.

“So what are you here for, kiddo?” Rinoa asked, standing up again. She offered Yuffie a hand.

Yuffie ignored the hand, getting up on her own. She carefully picked Yuna up from the counter and walked out of the veterinary clinic. Yuffie could hear Rinoa and Angelo hurrying to catch up with her.

“Yuffie, wait,” the brunette called. “Can we just talk? It would be just like old times…”

She turned and glared at the older girl. “It’s been four years, Rinoa. I don’t want you in my life,” she said coldly.

“Come on Yuffie, I just want to take you out to lunch,” Rinoa grinned at her. “Are you just gonna walk home through the snow like that? Your cute little chocobo will get frostbite…”

Yuna hissed at Rinoa. Yuffie was certain that she had never loved Yuna more than at that moment.

“Please Yuf, I just wanna find out what’s new in your life, babe,” she said. “Angelo really misses you.”

Yuffie glanced down, seeing that Angelo had cuddled himself up to her legs so that he was practically wrapped around her feet. He was panting and happily telling her how much he loved her in doggy speech.

Yuffie felt her resolve waver when she saw that overgrown puppy’s mug. “If I came out to have lunch with you, what would we even talk about?” Yuffie asked. However, looking up at the woman strengthened it and reminded her why she hated her. “Maybe what young girl you’re currently romancing and cheating on your husband with?”

“That was uncalled for,” Rinoa winched.

“Seifer may have a lot of faults, but he was a friend,” Yuffie said, glowering at her, “and even the worst creep doesn’t deserve to have his wife, his partner for life, cheat on him.”

“Yuffie—” Rinoa started, but Yuffie cut her off with a stern refusal. Her insistence for a little reunion had just unearthed all of the ninja’s old anger and pain.

“You made me the ‘other woman,’ the home wrecker! I hate ‘other woman’s!” Yuffie yelled angrily. “I lost Seifer, who was rapidly becoming my best friend! He thought I knew you two were married and that I was willfully trying to destroy his marriage by seducing you! Plus, I got kicked outta my house by my shotgun-wielding father! And to top things off, I found out that the woman I was madly in love with thought I was some sort of plaything! Do you have any idea how that feels?”

“Yuffie, I’m sorry,” Rinoa whispered.

“Well ‘sorry’ doesn’t cut it,” Yuffie said coldly, and marched away.

***

“I hate her,” muttered Yuffie as she came into the apartment in a storm of rage. She dropped Yuna on the counter and flopped onto the sofa. Glancing around the room she realized that Kairi wasn’t home. ‘She’s probably off abandoning me,’ Yuffie thought grouchily before her thoughts returned to Rinoa. “I really, really, really hate her!” she bellowed at the top of her lungs.

“I get it, you hate her. Now can you tell me who you’re talking about?”

Yuffie looked up at Kairi, feeling extraordinarily embarrassed. “Hey babe,” she said weakly, feeling stupid for being caught.

“Come on Yuffie, spill it.” Kairi set down her basket of clean laundry, then walked over to Yuffie, and sat down on her lap. “I could hear you yelling down the hall.” Kairi kissed Yuffie’s nose. “Wanna tell me about what put you in this foul mood?”

“The thing is—” Yuffie started, but was then cut off by the doorbell buzzing.

“Hold that thought,” Kairi said getting up and striding over to the intercom. “Ah, hello?”

“Yuffster? You sound pretty different over the intercom.” Rinoa’s voice buzzed through the electrical device.

Yuffie froze. ‘Oh shit,’ she thought, eyeing Kairi warily. ‘Rinoa is gonna be all possessive and act like I’m still seeing her to piss off Kairi because she’s just a bitch like that, and then Kairi’ll be mad ‘cause she’ll think I was cheating on her even though I’m really not and she’ll yell at me and make me sleep on the couch—’

“Who is this?” Kairi asked uncertainly.

“Oh come on, Yuffie, would you just get over it babe and let me in? Angelo and I are getting cold,” Rinoa whined.

Kairi glowered at the intercom. “This isn’t Yuffie,” the redhead said coldly. She glanced at Yuffie as if to ask what was going on, but the conversation resumed before she could..

“Then who is this?” The label on the button says ‘Yuffie.’”

“And Kairi. It says Yuffie and Kairi,” Kairi retorted. “I’m her girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Rinoa said snidely, “Can I come up, Yuffie’s girlfriend?”

“No,” snapped Kairi, ending the conversation. She turned to Yuffie and demanded to know who that was.

“My ex,” Yuffie said miserably. “My first ex. We… Well, I dumped her after I found out she was married. She really messed up my life, since dad kicked me out of the house because of her. I fell really hard and fast for her and I was heartbroken when I found out she was seeing me on the side. I always want to be the top banana.”

“But you’re not seeing her, or anyone else for that matter, now, right?”

“Of course not, babe,” Yuffie said, getting up and crossing over to her girlfriend. She wrapped her arms around the redhead. “I would never, ever cheat on you. I only ran into her because I went to the vet, and even then I really didn’t like seeing her. Hating Rinoa on sight is bit of good taste I’ve seen in Yuna, besides liking you, of course.”

“Okay, I believe you,” Kairi laughed shakily. “I just wanted to make sure.”

“You’ll always be my only banana,” Yuffie said sternly, wanting to banish any doubts from the redhead’s mind. They stood there embracing for a few minutes in the silence of the apartment. 

“Hey, let’s do something special tonight,” Yuffie said quietly, brushing some hair out of Kairi’s eyes. “We’ll do anything you want.”

“Even if I want us to hang out with all of my vegan friends and go to the opera?” asked Kairi suspiciously. She didn’t have that many vegan friends and none of them were interested in the opera, but Yuffie didn’t put it past them to develop that interest. They were vegans, after all.

Yuffie gave a strangled squawk, but nodded firmly. “Anything for you, Kairi,” she said, “But I’m leaving if they call me ‘The Barbarian Muscle Stripper’ again.”

“Geeze,” Kairi laughed, punching the older girl in the arm. “You’re pulling out all the stops. Maybe I do have to wonder if you’re up to anything after all.” Yuffie made a rude noise before Kairi silenced her with a kiss.

***

Yuffie loosened and retightened her tie for the twelfth time. Instead of hanging out with the vegans, she and Kairi were currently attending Aerith and Leon’s dinner party in Tokyo. It was full of doctors, lawyers, and other people with cushy conservative jobs. As a professional surfer, Yuffie knew she didn’t fit in. Everyone kept pegging her as a drug addict as soon as they found out what she did for a living. They’d either try to leave a conversation with her as quickly as possible or ask dumb, but fairly insulting questions that usually focused on her financial stability or the fact her job wasn’t a “responsible” or “real” one.

‘These are Cloud’s people, Squallykin’s people; Hell, they’re even Kairi’s people,’ Yuffie thought sadly as she listened to two men talk about the stock market. “About the only thing I get to do is look pretty and not make an ass of myself,” Yuffie growled quietly. She tossed her white wine into a potted plant, set her glass on a table, and wading into the throng looking for a more interesting conversation to listen in on.

As she moved through the crowd, Yuffie got the sense that she was a cheetah on the hunt. All of the other partygoers pretended to ignore the girl in the suit; they were quietly watching her to see what she would do. Couples shied away from her as she approached, making a thin, almost unnoticeable path through the room. It made Yuffie feel both powerful and insignificant. 

She spotted Aerith talking with a pink-haired man. Since she was busy, Yuffie felt the best policy would be to leave Aerith alone to play the gracious hostess. Yuffie hadn’t seen Kairi since she had been called away by Cloud so that he could introduce her to clients. Squallykins had told her privately that there were over a hundred guests invited to the party. They were all Aerith’s friends or colleagues that she had met over the years and their dates. Yuffie only knew about six of them.

“Yuffie!” she heard a man shout excitedly.

Turning, Yuffie saw the mullet man from the vet. He was dressed in a powder blue tuxedo who was eagerly pulling a shorter man in a regular tuxedo behind him. The shorter man didn’t seem happy about such treatment, but had resigned to such a fate long ago.

“Hi there…” Yuffie trailed off as she stared at him.

“Demyx,” he supplied cheerfully, “and this is my boyfriend, Zexy!”

“Hi Zexy,” Yuffie said offering him her hand.

“I’m Dr. Zexion Grey,” Zexion answered stuffily, shaking her hand.

Yuffie smiled at him. Zexion looked really young for a doctor, like Link. His light grey hair covered most of his face and it looked like he had lilac colored eyes.

“How old are you?” Yuffie asked curiously. There seemed to be an abnormally large number of childish looking doctors running around Twilight Town. Zexion seemed surprised by the question.

“Twenty-six,” he said after a moment.

“What’s with all the young doctors running around?” demanded Yuffie, hands on hips, “I mean Link’s in his twenties and you’re twenty-six—“

“I was twenty-four when I got my doctorate,” Zexion interjected.

“—and this is just crazy,” Yuffie continued, “People don’t get their doctorates until they’re like forty. I mean I thought having a saggy butt was one of the requirements to getting the “D”, little “r” and dot in front of your name. No, wait a minute, I’ve got it: you’ve already got a saggy butt even at your young age, right?”

Zexion’s cheeks were tinged pink as Demyx howled with laughter. Demyx smirked at Yuffie while still giggling and pinched the good doctor’s rear. Zexion yelped and turned crimson as he slapped Demyx’s hand away.

“I’m afraid that your analysis is wrong, Yuffie,” Demyx said sincerely.

Zexion’s mouth opened and shut, but no sound came out.

“Dr. Grey?” Kairi asked coming out of nowhere and tapping Yuffie’s arm gently. “Is something wrong, sir?”

Yuffie jumped slightly. “Where did you come from?” she asked. “Have you secretly developed the ancient ninja skill of teleportation?”

“No, I’ve just been looking for you for the last twenty minutes,” Kairi said before looking at Zexion and asking in a louder voice, “Are you alright, sir?”

“I’m burning all of your sheet music when we get home,” the still red Zexion said quietly to Demyx. He turned to Kairi and replied curtly, “I’m fine. What do you want?”

“Hey!” snapped Yuffie angrily. Nobody talked to Kairi like that. She was about to give Zexion a piece of her mind when Kairi’s hand clamped across her mouth. She struggled for a moment, but the hand stayed firmly attached.

Kairi said their goodbyes to Zexion and Demyx for both of them and pulled Yuffie through the crowd to the balcony. Only then did she take her hand off Yuffie’s mouth. “Yuffie,” Kairi said sternly, “If there’s one thing I don’t want you doing, it’s pissing off Dr. Grey.”

“Why is that?” Yuffie said nervously. She had a bad feeling about this and wished the warning had come a few minutes sooner.

“Because he’s my chemistry professor, he doesn’t like me, and he can’t take a joke,” she said, listing the reasons on her fingers. Kairi smoothed her blue skirt with her hands and she leaned against the balcony.

“Oh,” Yuffie replied carefully.

“Well, what did you do now, Yuffie?” Kairi sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

“I kind of told him that I thought all doctors had to have saggy butts in order to earn their doctorate and asked if his was too, so Demyx, Zexy’s boyfriend who I met at the vet before running into the Bitch from Hell, pinched his ass to test my idea,” Yuffie breathed, wincing slightly. “Then he went bright red and speechless.”

Yuffie expected Kairi to yell at her about how she shouldn’t have insulted her chemistry professor. She knew that teachers liked to judge their students by their friends and family sometimes and she had not made a good impression. 

Instead the redhead started laughing. Between fits of laughter, Kairi choked out, “Dr. Grey… got his ass…pinched on your suggestion?” She laughed for a few minutes before wiping some tears from her eyes as she regained her composure. “And you say his nickname is Zexy?”

“Yeah, Demyx introduced him as that,” Yuffie grinned.

“I’m not going to be able to keep a straight face in class on Monday,” Kairi laughed. “God, I could kiss you, Yuffie.”

“Then why don’t cha?” Yuffie smirked. She leaned in for a kiss.

Just as their lips brushed, Yuffie was roughly jerked away. The ninja came face to chest with an enraged man in a white trench coat. She looked up to see a scar running diagonally between his hate filled eyes. With the blonde buzz cut and linebacker neck he looked like one of those military types.

“Hey Seifer,” Yuffie said weakly.

“You bitch!” he roared, “I told you to stay away from my wife!”

“Hey!” Yuffie cried indignantly, “She followed me home, not the other way around!”

That wasn’t the smartest thing to say because the next thing she knew, Seifer had wrapped his hands around her throat. He was squeezing hard so that her circulation was cut. Her knees buckled, but his grip was tight enough that he supported her weight. She didn’t have a lot of time before her vision would go. She jabbed her thumb into his left eye in hopes that he would let go. Seifer roared in pain and clutched his face. Yuffie dropped to the floor, gasping. 

She caught sight of Kairi frozen against the balcony. “Get out of here, Kairi,” Yuffie wheezed. When the redhead hesitated, the ninja screamed, “Get the fuck outta here!” Only then did Kairi run.

‘At least Kairi won’t get hurt,’ she thought as she started to crawl away.

Yuffie wasn’t so lucky. Still moving too slowly as an after effect of the initial attack Seifer was able to grab her by the tie and bashed her face into the balcony railing twice. When she hit the ground he kicked her several times. Yuffie tried to push herself up, but he ground his heel on her right hand. Yuffie screamed.

“That’s for the eye, bitch,” he snarled before continuing to kick her in the ribs. 

Her body twisted over, and her head slipped between two bars of the balcony railing, trapping her. Seifer kept kicking her; her left shoulder and the side of her head kept bashing against one of the metal bars. She tried to get away, but her arms were too weak. Finally the ninja gave up, and Yuffie blacked out.

***

Yuffie woke up feeling like she had finally taken part in the running of the bulls and was then trampled. “Gaa,” Yuffie groaned while thinking, ‘I hope all of those damn bulls were hacked apart by the matador.’

She opened her eyes and found herself in a hospital bed. A Hispanic nurse was checking her bandages. This made sense, as Yuffie was somewhere in Spain. She couldn’t remember where exactly this event took place or how she got there, but in general her memory was a touch hazy at the moment. Yuffie just hoped that her Spanish was up to snuff so she could find out what was going on.

“Dondé estoy?” Yuffie pronounced terribly.

“Ah, you’ve awakened, Ms. Kisaragi,” the nurse said speaking in perfect Japanese. “The doctor will be in shortly.” 

‘What the fuck?’ Yuffie thought, watching the nurse leave. A moment later a short pudgy man with brown hair and glasses entered the room. He beamed at her. 

“It’s good to see you awake, Ms. Kisaragi,” he said, “I am Dr. Cid Kramer. You took a bad bashing and—”

“Where’s Kairi?” Yuffie demanded.

“Who?” Dr. Kramer asked.

“Is Kairi okay?” Yuffie asked, “Did the bulls get her too?”

“You weren’t hurt by bulls, Ms. Kisaragi,” Dr. Kramer said, “You were assaulted by a man. Now who is this Kairi?”

All of her memories came flooding back. “Did Seifer hurt her? I swear if he hurt her I’ll kill him!” roared Yuffie. “Nobody hurts my girl and gets away with it!”

“Is Kairi your child?” Dr. Kramer asked.

“My girlfriend,” Yuffie hissed. “Now if she isn’t hurt, why isn’t she in here?”

“Well,” Dr. Kramer said, scratching his head. “Since your condition is so serious, the hospital cannot allow non-family members in to see you.”

Yuffie stared at him. “You won’t let my girlfriend, who loves me dearly and must be very worried about me, in to see me because of some stupid rule?

Dr. Kramer smiled weakly. “I’m sorry, but that’s standard policy.” Changing to an official tone, the doctor continued, “You’ve suffered several serious injuries, Ms. Kisaragi. Four of your right ribs were broken and your collarbone on has been cracked. Four of your fingers on your right hand are also broken, which is why your entire hand is in a cast.” He looked back down at his clipboard before continuing. “You had a large amount of internal bleeding which we have stopped, however we are worried about any undue stress restarting and about your larynx, as you also sustained damage to your throat.”

“Okay.” Yuffie nodded. “So when do I get outta here? Later today, maybe tomorrow?” she asked, scratching her head with the non-bandaged had. She really didn’t feel that bad, just kind of worried, and seeing that Kairi was safe would settle her nerves.

Dr. Kramer laughed. “My dear, you just woke up from a three-day coma. You are pumped full of Demerol and if you weren’t, you would be writhing in pain. I don’t foresee you leaving this hospital bed for weeks.”

“You have got to be shitting me,” Yuffie growled.

“Get some rest,” Dr. Kramer said. “You’ll need it.” He left her in the room alone.

‘This is so fucked up; I’m outta here,’ Yuffie thought, grimacing at the possibility that Seifer could be out there attacking poor Kairi. She had to go find her and make certain that she was safe. ‘Sure, Kairi was book smart, but her survival skills were bad and fighting skills even worse,’ Yuffie thought bleakly. ‘If Seifer was on the loose, she wouldn’t survive if he decided to give her a beating.’

Yuffie pulled the little patches off her right arm. The hair ripping should have been painful, but she was so doped up Yuffie didn’t feel a thing. She would have to use her teeth to get the cords out of her left arm. There were two of the large needles: one was connected to a cord filled with red stuff, and the other yellow. Yuffie tried gently to pull out one of the cords, but it was too securely wedged into her arm. 

‘Screw it,’ she thought, glaring at the cords, ‘that quack’ll be back before I can get away if I take the time to pull these out.’ She looked around and noticed that the tubes were connected to pouches on the top of a metal stand. There were wheels on the bottom of the metal stand. Yuffie grinned. ‘Bingo.’ 

She hopped out of bed and hit the floor hard. “Oww,” she groaned and got unsteadily to her feet using the bed and metal stand. It was then that she noticed a cord coming out from beneath her gown. It connected to another pouch that was tucked on the side of the bed. ‘Pee bag,’ she grimaced as she added the pouch to her metal stand. After ripping a few monitoring cords taped to her body that left the machines screeching Yuffie determined that she was finally ready to leave.

She rushed out of her room and ducked into the one next door as fast as she could, then peeked out into the hallway. A medical team rushed past her into her patient room summoned by the alarms. She had to get away before they spotted her. As the hallway was full of other doctors, nurses, and patients, she that if she kept her cool, she could blend in and seem like one of the patients who weren’t bed ridden.

Yuffie rubbed her nose. Tears welled up and she nearly yelped in pain. ‘The bastard broke my nose,’ she thought angrily, eyes turning into slits. ‘Seifer will pay. Oh, yes he will.’

She slunk into the hallway and moved away from her room as quickly as her stitches would allow. After she was several feet away from the room, she slowed down, stood up straight, and pretended that she wasn’t in a ton of pain. She made it about halfway down the hallway before she bumped into a nurse. While the nurse stared at her bruises and tried to steady the ninja, Yuffie panicked. She refused to be caught in such a stupid manner; it would be an insult to her ninjutsu training. 

She pulled a needle off of one of the carts and quietly ripped the paper off it. It looked quite sharp. Yuffie carefully uncapped it and grabbed a second one off the cart. She knew she’d need another to escape all of these idiots who didn’t know the first thing about how to take care of her. After all, she was the Great Ninja Yuffie. 

“Sorry about—” the nurse started before she saw the naked needle. The nurse stared at Yuffie, fear clearly in her eyes. Yuffie stared back, like a cobra ready to strike. The nurse made a lunge for the needle and Yuffie swiftly jabbed it into her shoulder, making the woman curse in pain. The nurse hit the ground in a cold faint. Yuffie stumbled past the body and started down the hall. She felt something trickle down her legs; she must have ripped something scrambling over the nurse.

‘I guess that means I can’t climb through the air vents. Time for Plan B: bolt out the front doors,’ Yuffie thought with grim determination. Her escape was going to be a lot harder than she thought it would be.

The pursuit was on. Doctors tried to stop Yuffie, but she waved her second needle in their faces. She lied and said that she got it from the used needle bin; that was much more effective than waving a clean needle around. Yuffie’d do a lot of things, but it would have to be something really serious like a zombie apocalypse before she threatened people with actual used needles. She had standards, after all. When she was still a few yards away from the double doors to the lobby, she looked back to see two beefy male nurses in protective gear bearing down on her.

“You’ll never take me alive!” Yuffie screamed and redoubled her efforts to get to the lobby. She began to plan rapidly. ‘They’ll stop chasing me once I get into an elevator. There I can escape through the elevator’s ceiling, and slide down the other elevator’s cable to the basement floor and get out the maintenance door...’

Unfortunately Yuffie’s broken body was not cooperating with her grand plans. It slowed Yuffie down to a snail’s pace. The only reason the nurses hadn’t caught her yet was because they were too busy getting all the other patients out of the way.

Yuffie hit the double doors. One of them popped open, but then shut when she was halfway through, hitting her bad side. Yuffie screamed in agony. A nurse firmly grabbed her around the waist, and started pulling her back into the hallway. 

“Help!” Yuffie yelled as she clung to the doors. Every time the nurse pulled, the other door would hit her side. It hurt like hell, but she refused to be dragged back until she knew Kairi was safe. “Help! Murderers! Somebody save me, damn it!”

The visitors in the lobby all stared in sheer horror. “Yuffie?” a voice called. It sounded like Kairi. Yuffie glanced frantically around, but she couldn’t spot the redhead anywhere. She did see Dr. Kramer hurrying towards her, however.

“Oh, Kairi, where are you?” she wailed. 

Dr. Kramer reached her side. He was holding a needle. “Now, now, Ms. Kisaragi. This will only take a moment and then you’ll feel much better. You’ve been a bad girl and ripped your stitches.” He reached out toward Yuffie, needle in hand.

Yuffie bit him.

Dr. Kramer yelped and dropped the needle. Yuffie batted it away with the metal stand. She growled at him and tried to bite him again. Dr. Kramer slapped her. Yuffie hit him with her casted hand. Dr. Kramer hit the floor, knocked out. Yuffie slumped back, beginning to feel terribly weak. This was a lot of physical exertion considering her injuries. She yelled again for the redhead. Then she saw her, coming out the gathering crowd. The girl looked haggard like she hadn’t slept since the party. 

“Kairi!” Yuffie gasped.

“Yuffie…” she mouthed, but Yuffie still understood what she was saying. Kairi rushed over to the wounded girl. “What the hell are you doing?” the redhead whispered in amazement, too shocked by her presence to be angry, and reached out to cup Yuffie’s cheeks.

“Looking for you,” Yuffie replied. Then something, or rather several somethings, poked her rear. Yuffie’s eyes rolled back and she collapsed in Kairi’s arms.

***

Yuffie woke up again in a hospital bed. This time there were restraints on both of her wrists. Kairi was also present. She sat in a chair next to the bed reading one of her journals. 

“Kairi?” Yuffie rasped. Her mouth felt terribly dry.

“Shh. Don’t speak,” Kairi said gently as she picked up a glass of water. Bending the straw for Yuffie to drink, Kairi continued, “They’ve given you enough pain meds to put down a rhino.”

Yuffie let the straw fall from her mouth when she finished. “You’re in here this time,” she whispered, smiling.

Kairi snorted. “They figured this was better than you trying to escape again. Besides, you made your preference on my visitation rights clear while you were conscious, abet acting a touch deranged. Really Yuffie, what were you thinking trying to leave the hospital? You almost killed yourself. Again.”

“I had to save you from Seifer,” Yuffie retorted defensively. It was unfair that her girlfriend was badgering her when she was only trying to keep her safe.

“Seifer is in prison for assault and battery,” Kairi said firmly. “And you’re staying here, in the hospital.” Seeing Yuffie’s hurt puppy-look softened Kairi’s stern face until she sighed and lightly stroked Yuffie’s face. “You’re just so badly hurt, Yuf,” she murmured, “I don’t want to see you dead.”

“That’s not gonna happen,” Yuffie barked. “I’m too tough to die.”

Kairi gave her a small smile. “Demerol often makes people paranoid delusional. I guess since you’re already paranoid and a little delusional—

“Hey!” Yuffie cut in. 

“—you had a more severe reaction than most,” Kairi said. “They don’t want you playing Houdini again, so they’ve switched you over to morphine. And added restraints.”

Yuffie nodded, not certain why that would matter. “Hey, Kairi?”

“Hmm?” Kairi replied as she adjusted the older girl’s blankets.

“You’re not going anywhere, right?” Yuffie asked worriedly.

“Course not. I’ll be here long after you’ve gotten sick of seeing my ugly mug,” Kairi grinned.

“Your mug’s not ugly,” Yuffie giggled. “Can you read me a story?”

As an answer Kairi opened her journal and began to read outloud. She paused once to kiss Yuffie’s forehead, but otherwise her voice flowed serenely through the room. Yuffie fell asleep to the redhead’s rhythmic words about the environmental policies involving shoopufs.


	9. Cookies, Chick Flicks, and Champagne

“I just don’t get it, Kairi. Why won’t Roxas go out with me?”

“Maybe it’s because you wear shirts like that, Axel,” Kairi smirked, pointing at Axel’s shirt. It said ‘I’m an equal opportunist slut’ in bold green lettering. 

Axel clutched the shirt desperately. “ But I’ve had this shirt for years,” he cried, “I couldn’t possibly part with this expression of me!”

“And how long have you been trying to get into Roxas’s pants for?” Kairi asked dryly. When he wouldn’t look up at her she waved her spoon and ordered, “Shut up and eat your misery-ice cream.”

“I thought you were against slut shaming,” Axel grumbled, glaring at her as he took three big scoops and shoved them all in his mouth.

“I am. You are perfectly allowed to sleep with anyone who wants to sleep with you. However, you’ve also got to accept that not everyone is going to be interested in that lifestyle choice and, more importantly, a lot of people are turned off by your abrasive showy style,” Kairi explained, grabbing a handful of gummy worms. “For example that shirt is lewd, crude, and so not Roxas’s type. You know that.”

They were flopped on the couch watching cheesy chick flicks and eating various junk foods, although most of it was chocolate in nature. Axel didn’t look it, but he was a huge fan of sappy romances and when Kairi lived with him for three months they watched at least a film a night. Tonight was their traditional monthly movie fest night, which usually featured them discussing the worst crap in their lives.

“Just because you have Yuffie doesn’t mean you can act all high and mighty,” Axel snapped. “If it wasn’t for me, you two wouldn’t be together.”

“Oh really?” Kairi asked, taking another mouthful of her rocky road. “Do explain.”

“If you weren’t staying with me, you would never have had your first date with Yuffie and fallen in love. I made that happen, kiddo,” Axel said snapping his fingers in Kairi’s face. He took another bite of his choco-monkey ice cream. “Come on Kairi, Valentine’s Day is in three days and I’ve been trying to get Roxas to agree to one lousy date for the last four years. I need your help, oh wise guru.”

Kairi rolled her eyes. Axel was far too dramatic sometimes, but he wouldn’t be Axel if that weren’t the case. ‘If I don’t help him now he’ll be bugging me about it for the next twenty years,’ Kairi thought with a sigh. 

“Tell you what, Axel, let me use the bathroom and then you can tell me all about how you’ve been pursuing Roxas,” Kairi said before setting up and hurrying to the bathroom.

When Kairi returned to the living room she found that Axel had sprawled himself across the entire couch stealing her seat. He grinned lazily at her and drawled, “So doc, where do I start?”

“I’m not a psychiatrist, Axel, although you should probably see one.” She flopped onto Yuffie’s armchair. “Tell me how you’ve been trying to win Roxas over,” she ordered.

“Well, I’ve been in love with Roxy since I was, I dunno, twelve or so. I’ve memorized every possible detail I’ve ever learned about him.” Axel sat up and rubbed his temples. “I show up at least daily either at his dorm, work, or classes.”

“What do you usually say to him?” Kairi asked. ‘I sound like Freud,’ she thought laughing at herself.

“I kid around with him a lot. Like, I tease him about his height, hair, looks, that scrawny little body, the way he always has his nose in a book… you know, all the normal best friend stuff,” he said trailing off. Axel was silent for a moment before laughing bitterly. “Roxas is just a scrawny little bookworm and I love him for it, ya know?”

“Does he even like guys?” she asked, popping another worm into her mouth.

“Oh yeah,” Axel chuckled. “Roxas likes books and boys. Those are his two loves. He’s always reading some shit in French or German or something. I remember him reading _The Iliad_ last year.”

“ _The Iliad_ ’s Greek,” Kairi said without thinking.

“Whatever,” Axel sniffed. He pulled a cigarette out with his lips and flipped open his lighter. Glancing at Kairi he asked, “Can I smoke?”

“No!” Kairi yelled. Axel grimaced, but shoved his lighter back into his jacket. Sighing she said, “I’m no expert, but I think you’re a lot like Riku. He loves Sora—I mean, why else would he have married him last summer—but he always teases and picks on him. Riku loves to tease those he cares about just like you.”

“So I’ll be okay?” Axel asked, grinning hopefully. “Riku got Sora, so I’ll get Roxas.”

“Umm…” Kairi mumbled, scratching the back of her head, “I don’t think it works quite that way. I mean Sora looks up to and adores Riku and there’s always been a certain amount of tenderness in their interactions. Even at his worst Riku’s always made certain Sora knows he’d do anything for him, even if he teases him all the time. Have you fostered that sort of relationship with Roxas? Does he even know you care about him?”

“I give him noogies and punch him in the arm sometimes,” Axel nodded eagerly. His facial expression reminded Kairi strongly of an excited puppy.

“Roxas is a man of learning and culture,” she said, “He possess wit and a fully developed grasp of the language, both of which he highly respects. You possess neither, Axel. You’ve never even read an entire book!”

“Hey!” Axel yelped defensively.

“Well it’s true,” Kairi replied, “Look, let me put this in terms you’ll understand. You know _Harry Potter_ , right? Seen the third movie?”

“Yeah, so?” Axel asked, staring at her.

“You are Sirius Black and Roxas is Remus Lupin. He’s academic and you’re an ex-con. Perhaps you two are meant to be together, a lot of people seem to think so, myself included, but in order to get Lupin, you have to woo him.”

“I have to what?” Axel squawked.

“Court, pursue, seduce,” Kairi clarified, while waving her hands. “Do you know ‘seduce’?”

A slow grin spread across his face. “I know ‘seduce,’” he breathed, smirking devilishly.

“Great, but we’re doing it my way,” Kairi said firmly. When Axel scowled she glared at him. “Well, your way hasn’t been working.”

“Fine,” Axel sighed, looking at Kairi forlornly. “Tell me what to do to make Roxas fall madly in love with me. Please, my wonderful cousin.”

Kairi grinned and leaned forward. “Okay, so here’s what we’re gonna do.”

***

“Kairi, I look stupid,” Axel whined as he struggled at his tie.

“You look great, Axel,” Kairi, said adjusting her cousin’s shirtfront. She licked her thumb and carefully smoothed down Axel’s bangs. “Now be nice, be yourself, and for the love of god don’t forget your Yeats,” she ordered.

Once he was presentable Kairi scurried away from Axel, leaving him outside of Roxas’s dorm building. She hid in some bushes and eagerly waited to see her plan unfold. About five minutes later, Roxas walked up to the front door and stopped in surprise when he spotted his friend. Axel in a suit caught him off guard.

“Axel, what are you doing here?” he asked, running a hand through his spikes. He was obviously returning from class as he was still in his uniform. Staring at the suit Roxas asked, “And why are you in a suit? Did someone die?”

“I—” Axel stuttered, staring at Roxas like a goldfish. “Tiger, tiger, burning bright In the forests of the night, What immortal hand or eye Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?” he rattled off.

Kairi rubbed her forehead. ‘That’s Blake, Axel, Blake. What happened to the Yeats I spent the last three hours teaching you?’

Roxas stared at him, brow furrowed. “What?” he finally asked, inspecting Axel shrewdly.

“Yeats. It’s Yeats,” Axel squeaked, much to Kairi’s fury. He stiffly wrapped an arm around Roxas’s shoulders. “Roxy, baby,” he laughed nervously as he fumbled in his suit jacket pocket. “Do you want to umm…” he glanced down at the tickets he pulled out of the pocket, “want to see the Phantom of the Osprey?”

Roxas’s dazed expression left his face as his eyes brightened happily. “You’re going to the Phantom of the Opera? Willingly?” he laughed. Axel looked taken aback slightly. It was obvious he hadn’t expected Roxas to find the offer amusing.

“Well if you don’t want to go I can take Kairi or Larxene or something,” Axel muttered, pulling away. “You probably have plans or something tonight.”

“No, no,” Roxas stammered, grabbing Axel’s hand. “I’d love to go with you. Just let me get out of my uniform and we can go.”

After flashing an unexpectedly bright smile Roxas ran into his dorm building, leaving Axel on the stoop. The wiry redhead blinked and grinned dazedly like he had been hit across the back of his head by a frozen cod. Kairi climbed out of the bushes and hugged her cousin around the waist.

“Somebody has a date with Roxas,” she teased.

“And somebody has leaves in her hair,” Axel snickered back. Kairi mock glared at him and gently socked her cousin in the arm. Axel laughed giddily and hugged Kairi back. Bending down so that his lips were by her ear he whispered, “Thank you so much.”

‘Any time, Axel, any time,’ she thought, smiling as she carefully brushed Axel off. Once he looked halfway presentable she advised, “Just don’t do anything too stupid and you’ll be fine, Axel. The rest of the date is up to you since I won’t be there to baby-sit you.”

“Going off to get some Yuffie-loving?” Axel leered.

“I wish,” Kairi sighed. “There’s still two weeks before the last of her casts come off. Until then her doctor doesn’t want her doing anything strenuous. Believe me, the last month and a half has been hell. At least she can now walk on her own again.”

“That really sucks,” Axel said, “being in a long term relationship and you can’t even get any.”

“It could be worse,” Kairi sighed, “In fact it’s been sort of a learning experience. I had no idea how dependent on sex I had become until Yuffie got hurt. It’s been nice to bond over other aspects of our relationship lately. She’s a lot more than just a warm body to me. Anyway, enough about me. Good luck, Ax.” 

As Kairi walked away she thought, ‘You’ll need it.’

***

Yuffie’s woozy, “I’m not Kairi,” was the first thing Kairi heard when she woke up. 

“What the hell?” Kairi responded groggily.

“Some asshole wants you,” Yuffie yawned. “Can I hang up on him?”

“Go for it,” Kairi mumbled snuggling back into Yuffie’s chest. 

Yuffie hung up the phone and kissed Kairi’s forehead. There was a moment of blissful silence in which the girls were able to cuddle. Kairi had almost been lulled back to sleep by listening to Yuffie’s steady breathing when her phone went off again. Kairi let out a string of unintelligible curses as she answered her cell phone when it went off again.

“What?” she snapped angrily into the electronic device. This had better be an emergency.

“Kairi, I really fucked up,” Axel moaned into the phone. Kairi quietly counted to ten and imagined strangling Axel.

“What happened?” she asked, sighing. Yuffie quietly wrapped her arms around Kairi and snuggled her nose into the dip between her girlfriend’s shoulders.

“First I fell asleep in the middle of opera,” Axel started.

“That isn’t bad,” Kairi said brightly, “Roxas understands you aren’t a big theater buff.”

“When I woke up I then managed to accidentally set a curtain on fire,” Axel continued.

“Oh…” Kairi trailed off, “that’s bad.”

“At the restaurant a waiter tripped and dumped boiling soup on Roxas. I jumped to my feet to try and help him mop it up, which was when I realized I had managed to tuck the tablecloth into my pants. Everything flew off the table, dumping more food into Roxas’s lap and the surrounding floor. The damn table nearly flipped over onto him, but at least I was able to stop that from happening,” Axel lamented. “Roxy is so pissed at me.”

“Look, Axel, I’m really sorry, but I need sleep to function,” Kairi said. “Can you call me after dawn?”

“Oh, okay,” Axel said softly and hung up.

Several hours later, Kairi was again woken up by a phone call. “What do you want?” she snarled.

“Kairi, is that any way to talk to your mother?” a voice demanded.

“Mom?” Kairi asked, stifling a yawn. “Ah, hi Mom. What gives me the pleasure of this phone call?”

“Much better, Kairi,” Mrs. Hart said, “Now I’ve found five potential donors for you. Three of them are smart, successful, handsome men. One of them is remarkably similar to your Yuffie, if you want my grandchildren to seem like a mixture of the both of you. Then there’s one like you in case, and heaven forbid this, you can’t have children.”

‘What the hell is she talking about?’ Kairi thought asking. She verbalized her thoughts to her mother in a more polite way.

“Donors, sperm donors,” Mrs. Hart said. “You’re giving me grandchildren you know.”

“I’m eighteen Mom, I’m not having kids yet,” Kairi said angrily, “I haven’t even finished my first year of college! I can’t take care of a baby now!”

Yuffie poked her head out of the bathroom. “What’s this about a baby?” she asked curiously. Kairi glared at her lover and ordered her to shush while wagging a finger.

“Don’t shush me young lady,” Mrs. Hart reprimanded.

“I’m not shushing you mom, I’m shushing Yuffie. Look, I’ll talk to you later, mom. I don’t care what your master plan is, I am not getting a sperm donor.” Kairi hung up the phone feeling flustered. Yuffie crawled into bed and snuggled up to the redhead. She gently rubbed Kairi’s belly and looked up at her hopefully. 

“So we want have a baby?” Yuffie asked trying to keep her face blank. “I can’t imagine us having kids right now. I mean, you’re barely even an adult and let’s face it, I’d make a really crappy mom. I’d probably let the kid climb into the oven or something.”

Kairi could see Yuffie playing hide and seek with a small child that ended up in an oven. It wasn’t really funny—child endangerment was a terrible thing and Kairi would be horrified if it actually happened—but Yuffie was trying to cheer her up, and it worked. It was hilarious in the abstract and had Kairi laughing. Perhaps it was mostly stress laughter, but she’d take anything over her mother’s insane plans at the moment. Plus it was always nice to know Yuffie was on her side no matter what decision she had to make.

“I feel like everyone wants to get me knocked up,” she commented, petting Yuffie’s head. 

“That’s because they do,” Yuffie said cheerfully. The ninja crawled up a little so that they were cheek to cheek. “Kairi, I totally understand the whole ‘not wanting to have kids thingy,” she added.

“It’s not that I don’t want kids,” Kairi continued, “ I mean I always imagined having two or three brats of my own when I was growing up. I just… want to wait until I’m older, preferably after I’m out of college. You know, established, able to take care of them financially and be emotionally ready for the responsibility. If I’m ever ready for it.”

Yuffie grinned, “I’m just glad you want kids someday. I want kids too, but you know, we’ll have to watch out for open ovens and stuff.” She kissed Kairi’s collarbone and asked, “So do you wanna practice making some?”

Kairi stared at her like she was crazy. “I am not sticking a turkey baster into my vagina. That does not need practice.”

“What?” Yuffie screeched. “I was talking about sex. What are you talking about?”

“Artificial insemination. You said you wanted to practice making some and that is the way we’d have to make them,” Kairi smirked. “Or were you just making a heteronormative joke?”

“I really want to have sex with you. So can we please?” Yuffie pleaded.

“Nope, you’ve still got two broken ribs and a broken arm. I’m not having sex with you until your casts are off,” Kairi said firmly. She added after a moment, “and your casts have to be removed by a licensed professional. Basically Yuf, I don’t want to have to go to your doctor and explain we reinjured you because we were too horny to wait until you were fully recovered.”

“But that’s not fair,” Yuffie whined rubbing Kairi’s sides, “and… and you’re not just punishing me, this hurts you too since you like sex too. Right, Kairi?”

Kairi laughed and kissed Yuffie. “Of course I miss the sex, but I’m hoping you’ll learn a valuable lesson from this experience. Like trying to escape a hospital while being pumped full of pain meds after recently suffering a beating,” Kairi teased.

“They wouldn’t let me see you,” Yuffie huffed, “or rather they wouldn’t let you see me.”

“That’s still a bad excuse, Yuffie.” Kairi kissed the older girl’s nose. “Now I’ve got to go kill my cousin. Love ya!”

“Love ya too, babe,” Yuffie chimed, pinching Kairi’s rear as the redhead got up from the bed. Kairi rolled her eyes, but she was trying not to smile.

***

“Thank you so much for all the help,” Axel repeated, “but are you sure this’ll work?”

“No, I’m not sure, but do you have a better idea?” Kairi responded as she carefully tied together the bow.

She had just spent the last several hours instructing Axel in the ancient art of cookie baking. He wasn’t very good at it, Axel preferred to eat the product rather than make it, but Kairi refused to make his love cookies. Since the kitchen was in shambles from the several dough explosions, Kairi was really glad they had used his kitchen rather than her own. Neither was certain how half scorched, half frozen batter had managed to make its way into all of the counter’s drawers.

“No, but do you think he’ll like butterscotch cookies?” the older redhead asked. Axel had settled on making butterscotch cookies after the third batter blow up. They had lost another two batches before he finally had some workable cookies. Kairi found them surprisingly good, especially the fact that they were a light pink color from the cinnamon candies Axel had crushed and mixed into the dough. Perhaps he had a hidden talent for this sort of thing. However they would never know as Axel was too lazy to bother doing anything productive like invest time and effort into learning a craft.

“I’m certain he’ll love them,” Kairi smiled. “They’re to die for.” 

They hurried to Roxas’s dorm so Axel could present his gift. When they finally got to Roxas’s room, Kairi waited outside so that her cousin could have the illusion of privacy. There was no way she wasn’t listening in on the conversation after the plan derailed as badly as it had last night.

“Hey Roxy, how’s the lap?” Axel asked. 

“Scalded,” Roxas replied bitterly. “I went to the campus clinic in the middle of the night because it was so painful and it turned out I have a bunch of second degree burns all over my groin. I have this cream I have to rub over my crotch for the next three weeks until they heal.”

“That sucks,” Axel said. Some springs creaked and Kairi assumed Axel sat down on the bed. 

“Yeah, it does. It hurts constantly, but the whole area screams in pain every time I move.” There was a moment of silence before Roxas asked, “What’s in the green box?”

“A present,” Axel purred, “for you.”

“Really?” Roxas asked suspiciously. “You didn’t wrap it, did you? The green paper isn’t wrinkled into a million crinkles. Plus there’s actually a red ribbon around it. Most of your presents are lucky if they’ve been totally covered.”

“Do you really think so little of my wrapping skills?” Axel demanded. There was a pause; Kairi was pretty certain Roxas was giving him The Look. “Fine, Kairi wrapped it for me,” Axel admitted before adding, “but I made it, so there.”

Wrapping crinkled as Roxas ripped it off the cookie tin. He shook tin was for a moment before Axel yelled in alarm that he’d break the contents. With a loud pop the lid came off the box. There was a silence as if Roxas were carefully examining the present.

“You made me cookies,” Roxas said, surprised.

“Yup,” Axel smirked, confidence dripping from his tone. “What did you think I made?”

“I dunno,” Roxas replied, “Maybe something like a pinecone with googly eyes glued on that you’d be able to burn in three weeks. Cookies… take effort.”

“You don’t think I put effort into stuff?” Axel asked.

“Axel, if you put effort into stuff, you wouldn’t have failed eleventh grade. Twice,” Roxas deadpanned. 

“Just try a fucking cookie,” Axel snapped. “I worked damn hard on those things and you’re gonna like them. They’re butterscotch.”

Kairi peeked around the doorframe to watch Roxas slowly pick up a cookie. He held it up for careful examination and asked, “It won’t explode when I take a bite out of it, will it?”

Axel glared at him. Roxas smiled sheepishly and carefully took a small nibble of the cookie. He held a hand under his chin to catch any crumbs. Roxas sat there for a moment staring pensively off into space tasting the baked good. Axel stared eagerly, looking for any reaction. Finally the blond swallowed and smiled at him.

“These are really good,” Roxas said. “I’m impressed.”

Axel preened at the compliments and happily watched Roxas gobble down several cookies. After a few minutes Roxas paused and stared at Axel. He looked a little red. 

“Hey, you shouldn’t bolt down those cookies like that, you could choke,” the older guy said, slapping the younger on the back.

“What are in these cookies?” Roxas whispered. He looked sick and more than a little panicked.

“Butterscotch,” Axel said looking a little worried. “You like butterscotch, don’t you?”

“They’re pink,” Roxas stated. “What’s in them? Is there cinnamon? I need to know, Axel.”

“Well yeah,” Axel said blinking. “That’s what made them pink.”

‘Oh fuck,’ Kairi thought realizing what was happening. She flipped open her cell phone and dialed 9-1-1.

“Axel,” Roxas rasped. “I’m allergic to cinnamon, like deathly allergic.”

“Shit,” Axel yelled, tossing the cookies in the trash.

Kairi quietly spoke to the operator about what to do. She was told that if they could move him easily to get Roxas out of the dorm building so that the ambulance could pick him up. Time was of the essence and dorm buildings were often confusing to navigate.

“My throat’s closing up,” Roxas said, panting, “Axel, I’ve got an epipen in my sock drawer, get it for me—”

Axel hurriedly scrambled through the sock drawer until he found the pen. He turned to hand it to Roxas, but he noticed the blond had closed his eyes and was barely breathing. Axel fumbled with the pen, trying to uncork it, but he couldn’t. When he finally managed to get off the cap, he was fumbling so badly he stabbed himself in the hand and emptied half of the contents into himself.

“Fuck!” Axel howled.

“Forget it, Axel,” Kairi ordered, “Grab Roxas and let’s go. We have to meet the ambulance at the north entrance.” Axel picked up his crush and they hurried to meet the paramedics.

Kairi was still on the line with the dispatcher, so she explained what had just happened while her cousin carried Roxas. Once they were outside they still had to wait several minutes for the paramedics to arrive. When they finally showed up, they quickly stuck Roxas with an epipen they had brought to combat the reaction. Then they loaded him onto the gurney. Axel was allowed to ride with Roxas because of his hand. Kairi followed in Axel’s car.

They spent several hours at the ER before Roxas was released. He didn’t look too much worse for wear, although he still had some hives. The doctor have him some medication and told him to come back if his symptoms returned. After Roxas signed his release papers Axel carefully wheeled the blond out of the hospital. The redhead had also gotten treated at the ER; a nurse had bandaged up his hand after the pen stab and kept an eye on him until they were certain he wasn’t going to have any ill effects from the unwanted epinephrine in his system.

“Hey Kairi,” Roxas said tiredly as they exited the hospital, “Care to give me a ride home?”

“Of course,” Kairi said. “We had no idea you were allergic.”

“I found out when I was eight after having a box of that cinnamon cereal. It took me two weeks to eat the whole thing and I spent the entire time with hives. My reaction was a lot worse when I had some cinnamon again two years later,” Roxas explained. He shrugged smiling cynically. “Don’t worry about it, Kai, what’s a near death experience between two friends? I’m just amazed that Axel baked me something.”

“Do you want me to spend the night with you?” Axel asked. “You know, in case you have another attack.”

Roxas shook his head tiredly. “Allergies, or at least my allergies, don’t work that way,” he explained. “Besides, I think you’ve tried to hurt me enough this week.”

Axel was crushed. Kairi tried to think of something funny when she left him at his house, but nothing came to mind. ‘Having your crush think you were trying to kill them really sucks,’ Kairi thought as she rode the bus home. She was very glad she didn’t have her cousin’s problem.

***

“I’m going to tell him,” Axel announced.

They were sitting on a couple of lawn chairs on Twilight University’s grounds. Despite the fact that there still was a lot of snow everywhere, it really was quite comfortable. Probably helped that they were dry and bundled up well against the elements. Kairi shifted slightly so she could look at her cousin.

“How are you going to tell him?” she asked, stretching.

“I dunno, but I’m gonna tell him today,” he said, getting up from his lawn chair.

“Well, do you want my help setting things up?” Kairi inquired.

“Mmm-hmm,” Axel mumbled. “Meet me back here when it gets dark. Bring fireworks.”

“Alright, I will obtain fireworks and return at sunset,” Kairi promised with a salute. She stood up, turned around on her heel, and left.

Kairi bought some sparklers at a stand then headed to the nearest library. She had a huge history test in a few days so she spent several hours studying. She had a pretty good grasp of the material as she had kept up on the readings and assignments, but hitting the books always made the redhead feel more prepared. In class essays stressed her out otherwise if she didn’t have a few potential outlines already prepared. After she felt she couldn’t stand another minute of studying, Kairi wandered around town until sunset then headed back to Axel’s lawn ring.

‘What the hell?’ she thought as she reached the lawn chairs. 

Instead of two chairs surrounded by snow, the chairs now sat in a circle of dry brown grass ringed by lit torches. There were also little Japanese paper lanterns in the trees encircling the ring. She could feel a distinctly tropical theme to the setup. Axel stood in the center wearing a pair of red trunks with floral print and sandals. 

“Hey Kairi,” Axel called out, waving as she jogged up to him.

“What are you doing, Axel?” Kairi inquired, unzipping her jacket, “I mean this is… wow.”

“I called Roxas a few minutes ago and asked him to meet me here. Can you help me set up the fireworks?” Axel asked, stretching out his hand for the explosives.

“I was only able to get some sparklers,” Kairi admitted sheepishly, handing over the box.

Axel frowned as he took the box from Kairi. Shrugging, he said, “Well, this’ll do. Thanks, Kairi, I’ll probably get my ass handed to me in a few minutes, but at least he’ll know.”

“I hope everything works out for you, Axel,” Kairi smiled. Even if she thought this was a bad plan she really meant it. Axel could be a screw up, but he was a decent guy at heart and she wanted him to be happy. For one thing it might keep him out of trouble.

Axel grinned widely, but then looked past her, clearly scared. “Roxas,’ he whispered in terror. He picked Kairi up and threw her into the nearby bushes. Cursing quietly, Kairi righted herself so that she could watch what would happen. She was never helping him with his love life ever again.

“Axel?” Roxas called out suspiciously. “Why did you want to meet me to meet you here?” 

“Hey Roxy,” Axel greeted cheerfully, “I figured that since we both didn’t have dates for Valentine’s Day, we could party together.”

“Did you know that Valentine’s Day was originally meant for people to confess their love for someone?” Roxas asked. He grinned as if enjoying a large joke. “So the whole ‘we’re totally in love and must go out and express it’ thing is incredibly stupid. Valentine’s Day is meant for the losers who are single to go out and find someone.”

“Really?” Axel grinned. “That’s cool. So what do you think of my set up?”

Roxas looked around the ring of fire and tiki lamps as if noticing it for the first time. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. When he could finally speak again he said, “You know the campus security guards are gonna kick your ass when they see this. You’ve killed…” he broke off quietly calculating. “…a huge circle of grass, probably enough to get you a vandalism charge, and I’m certain that one of the trees will spontaneously combust soon.”

“I like fire,” Axel whined defensively. “Besides, what sort of party would you have?”

“I dunno. I guess this is fine,” Roxas sighed as he gingerly sat down on a lawn chair. “So what kind of pathetic Valentine’s Day party are we having? Are you doing a fire dance for me?”

Axel smirked and sat down next to Roxas. “I thought I’d juggle fire instead. Do you want some champagne?” He waved a bottle, trying to entice his friend.

Roxas frowned. “I’m not old enough, Axel, and I really don’t want to get in trouble drinking on school grounds.”

“Oh,” Axel said before accidentally dropping the bottle. “Shit!” The bottle cracked allowing alcohol to bubble out. Axel stared morosely as his booze and chances seeped into the ground with the slightest of fizzles.

“I’ve told you in the past, Ax, booze and I don’t get along.” Roxas rubbed his parka-covered arms and checked his watch. “Is there a point to this, Axel, or can I go back to my dorm? I have a paper on Christina Rossetti’s Goblin Market to finish.”

“Roxas…” Axel sighed. He stared at the blond for a moment before burying his face in his hands and then running them through his hair. “Roxas… I-I need to tell you something and it’s really difficult for me to say.”

“What is it?” Roxas asked. He leaned over and touched Axel gently on the shoulder. He noticed that Axel had tears running down from the corner of his eyes. “Hey, don’t cry Axel.” He reached up and brushed away some of the tears on the redhead’s cheek. “Whatever it is you can tell me. I’m your best friend.”

“I,” Axel sighed, “I really like you Roxas.”

“Yeah, and I like you too,” Roxas said grinning and punched Axel slightly in the arm. 

“No, I mean I like you like you,” Axel said smiling nervously. “I’ve loved you for years. I really do mean years, since I was twelve. I’m sick of hiding it from you Roxas; it really hurts and I want more… I want you.”

“Oh,” Roxas said quietly. “I had no idea, Axel.”

“So you’re mad at me, aren’t you,” Axel said, scratching the back of his head.

“Why would I be mad at you?” Roxas asked. “I like you too. Probably more than I should.”

Axel stared at him. “Are you serious?” he asked, “I mean are you fucking serious? ‘Cause if this is some sort of joke, I’m not laughing. I’m dead serious here, Roxas.”

“I’m serious too. I like you too,” Roxas said, smiling warmly now.

“You’re serious?” Axel spluttered.

“Yup,” Roxas replied.

“Seriously, you’re gay for me?” Axel asked dumbfounded.

“Well, I’m just gay, period, but yeah, I’m into you too,” Roxas grinned. “I just always thought you were straight. I mean, you’re always talking about all the ladies and conquests you’ve had. Has any of that been true?”

“Umm, yes. I mean come on, Roxy, you know that I’m horny bastard. My heart’s always been for you, but my libido hasn’t. It can be yours if you want it though,” he said hopefully. 

Roxas glared at him. Axel grinned sheepishly and held his hands up in surrender.

“I just have one question,” Axel added, “why didn’t you tell me?”

Roxas was silent for a long time. “I’ve liked you for a long time, Axel. I never said anything about it since I thought you’d just laugh. Or go out with me because you’d feel guilty about turning me down.”

“But I’ve been trying to get into your pants for years,” Axel countered. “You know I’ve been trying to get into your pants!”

“Axel!” Roxas yelled, effectively silencing the redhead. Once he had the other man’s attention Roxas quietly continued, “You try to get into everyone’s pants. When we went to Radiant Garden’s Historical museum last year, you propositioned every living thing in the building. That includes the security guard that threw us out. And that blind lady’s Seeing Eye dog. And then you asked the bronze statues in front of the museum for a… ‘Quick fuck in the bushes’ as you put it.”

“I didn’t realize that they were statues,” Axel grumbled sullenly.

“They were bright gold, Axel.” Roxas rubbed his nose. “Frankly, I don’t understand what I see in you.”

“You like me because I’m a sexy, sexy beast,” he purred. 

Axel pounced onto Roxas, knocking him from the lawn chair and onto the champagne soaked ground. The redhead happily licked the younger boy’s ear, which caused Roxas to make a face. Roxas grabbed the redhead by the roots of his hair. Axel yelped and proceeded to wrestle with Roxas. They struggled a little while for dominance before Roxas gave up. Axel straddled Roxas and proceeded to kiss his face. As the boys happily made out Kairi sat back and in the bushes and smiled. She was glad that her cousin had found happiness, but she wanted to get out of the bushes before they started doing something worse. 

Suddenly a pair of arms encircled her and voice breathed into her ear. “Why Kairi, I had no idea you were such a voyeur.” Kairi stifled her scream, but only because she recognized the voice. Otherwise she would have totally freaked.

“Shut up, Yuffie,” she whispered, lightly shoving her girlfriend back. Kairi might have been annoyed, but there was no way she was endangering Yuffie’s ribs. She craned her head back and ordered, “Help me out of the bushes. I don’t want to be here if they decide to have sex.”

The ninja pulled her girlfriend out of the bushes and brushed her off. Grinning brightly she asked, “So are you done with hiding in bushes and ready to go? I’ve got a surprise planned out.”

“Sounds great,” Kairi smiled and kissed her. “Just as long as none of it involves either of us getting hurt or overemotional teens.” Yuffie grinned and offered Kairi her arm, which she gladly took. 

As the girls walked away to start their own date, they could hear some screaming about burns from Axel’s fire circle. Yuffie cocked her head and looked at Kairi. “What’s he screaming about?” the ninja asked.

“Roxas has second degree burns on his groin from the other day,” Kairi explained. “I’m guessing that Axel is being a little overeager.”

“Ouch,” Yuffie winced. She glanced at Kairi out of the corner of her eye. “Do you think we can have some fun of our own? Come on, this is Valentine’s Day, Kai. Let’s bend the rules a little.”

“Well see, Yuffie, we’ll see,” Kairi smirked. Yuffie squeaked in excitement and pulled Kairi along happily. The girls ran off into the dark for a night of Valentine’s fun.


	10. Green Eggs and Guinness

“Do I have to wear the hat, Yuffie?” Kairi whined.

“Yes,” Yuffie affirmed, tugging the bowtie around Kairi’s neck. 

The ninja carefully tied the emerald silk that matched the hat into a bow, concentrating hard enough that Yuffie had the tip of her tongue sticking out of her mouth. When the tie was adjusted the way she wanted it, Yuffie sat back on the bed and grinned happily. Kairi crossed her arms and glared at her girlfriend, but she just laughed and pulled her close.

“You’re beautiful,” Yuffie whispered. Kairi frowned in response.

“I look like a demented elf.”

“Na-ah.” Yuffie waggled her finger at the younger girl. “You’re my little leprechaun and you’re supposed to be in all green.”

“It clashes with my hair,” Kairi complained. “Why do I even have to dress up? You’d make a much better leprechaun than me. You like causing mischief.”

“You’re dressing up because it’s St. Patrick’s Day, we’re going to Tifa’s bar for corned beef and Guinness, and that’s final,” Yuffie said, breaking out a fierce grin. She pulled on a green shirt that said ‘Kiss Me, I’m Irish.’ “Besides, you love me and I’m leaving in three days to go surf and earn you college money.”

Kairi mumbled something about being on a scholarship, before staring at the shirt. “You do remember that you’re not Irish, right?” she asked. “And that you can trace your 100% Japanese ancestry back several hundred years?”

Yuffie nodded cheerfully. “I know. I also have one that says ‘Kiss Me, I’m a Vampire.’ Although that one was really supposed to be a gift, but my buddy didn’t want it—he insists that he’s not a vampire, which is a total lie—so I kept it.” She dug around in her pockets and pulled out two plastic wrapped items.

“What are those?” Kairi asked suspiciously. 

“Licorice pipes!” Yuffie proclaimed proudly. “Now come on, I don’t want to be late!” The ninja grabbed the leprechaun and pulled her out of the apartment. They were off to Seventh Heaven’s special St. Patrick Day’s party.

***

“Oh, tra-lulu-lulu-lulu-lu,” Yuffie sang as she waved her eighth pint of Guinness around. She hadn’t actually drunk four pints of beer; it was really more like half that amount. This was due to her excessive movements forcing the liquid out of the glass and hurtling through the air. Yuffie also had the bad habit of leaving her drinks all over the bar and then forgetting them. It wasn’t a great system, but it did mean she could drink for hours without stopping.

Yuffie had been in the Seventh Heaven for the last several hours partying with the blue-collar workers that regularly frequented the bar. She was having a lot of fun leaping about the room, but she was also getting tired. Drinking while constantly moving took a lot out of a girl, even if she was a ninja. Needing a bit of a break, Yuffie claimed a barstool across from Tifa and peered good-naturedly at her.

“Hey, hot stuff,” Yuffie greeted the brunette.

“Hey, I’m-going-home-with-Kairi,” Tifa returned in greeting. The bartender set down the mug she had been drying and leaned against the counter. “How have you been enjoying the festivities?”

Yuffie grinned and set down her glass. “It’s been pretty fun. Everyone keeps demanding that Kairi show them where she hid her pot of gold and she hits them over the noggin when they won’t leave her alone.” The ninja sighed happily. “She’s gonna kill me when we get home.”

“You really are something, Yuffie,” Tifa laughed.

“I’m glad to see someone’s having a good day.” Yuffie turned to see Rikku, her best friend, flop across a barstool. “My love life is over!” she wailed.

“Don’t feel bad, Rikku, my love life has died and risen from the grave multiple times,” Tifa comforted as she set down her glass. “Currently it’s dead.”

"What happened?" Yuffie asked.

"Oh, you've always known my love life sucks," Tifa started. "First, I dated Cloud for a little bit, you know, but then he went off to military school and he's now gay. Then I dated Squall—or I guess I should call him 'Leon’—for a couple months in college. We went on a double date with Aerith and some guy. She and Leon fell madly in love and got married a year later. I’m happy for them, but the moment they set eyes on each other my relationship with him died instantly. Then I dated a guy named Zone for about a year, who was a total loser. We never went anywhere because he kept getting stomachaches. Besides that, there have been a lot of one date disasters over the years."

"I had no idea that your love life sucked that bad, Tifa.” Yuffie scratched the back of her head. “I was actually asking Rikku that,” she laughed before asking Rikku the same question.

"My Gippy cheated on me with a skank!" Rikku cried, throwing herself into Yuffie's arms. Yuffie hugged her best friend tightly.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Yuffie asked, stroking her best friend’s forehead. Rikku sniffed.

"I caught him in bed with Dona!" Rikku cried. Then she broke down sobbing.

Yuffie continued to hold the wailing woman, uncertain as to what she should do. Aerith or Kairi comforted people. Tifa and Rikku weren't great at comforting people, but at least they could manage it. Yuffie was a clown; she never mastered the skills of consoling someone, just how to make them laugh.

"What's wrong, Yuffie?" Kairi asked, wrapping an arm around the older girl. She leaned in next to Yuffie's ear. "Is Two-K a crying drunk?"

"Two-K's boyfriend’s been bonking a slut and she just caught them going at it," Yuffie explained.

This wasn't the best way to explain the situation; it only made Rikku cry louder. Yuffie yelped slightly and patted her friend's head, while the girl clung to her. Kairi shook her head, wrapped an arm around the strawberry blonde, and leaned against her back rubbing it softly. Rikku wasn’t picky at this point on who gave her comfort. She twisted and clung to the leprechaun suit as Kairi made soothing noises.

Yuffie scratched the back of her head. She hadn’t thought that Gippal would do something like this. Sure he was a bit finky, but Rikku adored him and he seemed to feel the same. Rikku was usually a good judge of character. Maybe there was an explanation, but Yuffie didn’t think so. Not if Rikku caught him in bed with Dona.

“Yuffie, let’s take her home,” Kairi said, pulling Yuffie out of her thoughts.

Yuffie nodded in agreement. She turned to Tifa. “How much do we owe ya?”

“Don’t worry about it, you can pay me back later. Just get her home,” Tifa said, waving her off. The bartender glanced at Rikku. “On second thought, we may just want to stash her upstairs.” Tifa was referring to her apartment above the bar.

Rikku wiped her eyes on her sleeve, but then pressed her face into Yuffie’s chest again. Some people looked radiant when they cried—Aerith was one of them—but Rikku was not among their number. Her watery eyes leaked fluid over the irritated skin around them, marring her makeup. Yuffie carefully looked down to see most of Rikku’s mascara and lipstick smeared over her shirtfront.

‘This shirt is ruined,’ Yuffie thought idly as she tugged at the hem. When she realized that she was placing a shirt above Rikku, she felt terrible. The ninja carefully tucked some of her best friend’s hair behind her ear.

“You guys don’t—don’t have to change your plans for me,” Rikku hiccupped. She continued to rub her eyes as if that would stop the tears. “I’m fine, really, I just have to stop crying, but these stupid tears won’t stop…”

Rikku laughed, but it wasn’t her normal infectious laugh. This one was high pitched and choppy. It was painful on the ears. When she finally stopped, Rikku took a deep breath. “I think I need to fix my make up,” she said stiffly.

Kairi herded the girl upstairs to the apartment. As soon as they were out of sight, Tifa hissed to Yuffie, “I’m gonna kill Gippal the next time I see him.”

A man came up and asked Tifa for another beer. He got one; along with one of the nastiest glares Yuffie had ever seen. The dude almost flinched away from Tifa as he accepted his beer. Forget about getting a tip, she may have just lost a customer entirely.

“You know he didn’t do anything to us,” Yuffie commented as she finished her beer.

Tifa rubbed her temples. “I know I shouldn’t be pissed at the customers,” she sighed. “I’m just pissed at Gippal. I’m amazed that you aren’t seething.”

“Oh, I’m plenty mad, I’m just storing it here,” Yuffie tapped her gut. “I’m planning on egging his car and house tonight. Then the next time I see him, I’m kicking him in the nads so hard that they fall off, and then I’ll have completed my revenge.”

“That’s a nice plan,” Tifa said, surprised.

Yuffie grinned. “The best part is that he’ll think some random drunk egged everything, and there’s no way he’ll admit to being hurt by a girl.”

Yuffie staggered forward when one hundred and something pounds leaped onto her back. She looked up to see Rikku beaming down at her. “I’m back and better than ever,” the strawberry blonde grinned. While Rikku’s eyes were still a little puffy, her make up was redone and she seemed in control of her emotions.

The ninja dropped her best friend onto a barstool. “Geeze,” Yuffie grumbled, rubbing her shoulders. “You’re really heavy, Two-K.”

“Now you know how I feel when you do that to me,” Kairi drawled, causing Tifa and Rikku to laugh. Yuffie stuck her tongue out at the redhead. “You’re also a lot stronger than I am, so it shouldn’t have bugged you,” Kairi continued in a teasing tone. At least it made Yuffie smile.

“I’m done with men,” Rikku declared grandly, waving her arm. She turned to Tifa and grabbed the brunette’s hand. “Tifa, you’re single, I’m single, so why don’t we get together?”

Tifa pulled her hand back. “Two-K, I don’t like girls,” she reminded her, before adding, “and neither do you.”

“That’s not important,” Rikku dismissed with a wave of her hand. She wrapped an arm around the brunette’s shoulders. “We like each other, we’re compatible. We can also pick up men together… always wanted to try a threesome.”

The three others stared at Rikku. “You’ve wanted to do a threesome?” Kairi asked, slowly blinking. Yuffie hid a smirk; Kairi clearly hadn’t spent enough time with Rikku. 

“I’m always up for trying something new,” Rikku explained, shrugging. She perked up slightly at some commotion in the middle of a mass of guys on the other side of the room. 

“See ya later, Tifa,” Rikku grinned, kissing the bartender on the cheek. “We’re gonna check that out.” She pulled a protesting Kairi out into the crowd.

“Great, just fucking great,” Tifa laughed, wiping the kiss from her face. “I just got picked up by my rebounding friend and neither of us have any interest in each other. I’ve become an unwilling rebound date.”

“At least you probably won’t have to sleep with her then,” Yuffie said brightly.

“She ran off with your girlfriend,” Tifa snapped, before apologizing. Clearly she didn’t like the idea of dating Rikku.

That’s true,” Yuffie conceded. She tossed enough munny on the counter to cover her drinks. “I’m off to catch Kairi and take her to join the St. Paddy’s Day jamboree. Keep an eye on Two-K, would ya?”

“Sure thing,” Tifa promised. She dismissed the ninja with a wave of her hand. “Scat. I’ve got drunks to deal with.”

Yuffie bounced off into the crowd. It wasn’t that hard to find Kairi; she was the only redhead in the room. Currently some guy was schmoozing up to her as she tried not to smack him.

“Hey there, babe,” Yuffie called, hopping up to them. “Wanna go catch the downtown party?” she asked, ‘accidentally’ grinding the barfly’s foot into the floor. He really should have known better, it was common knowledge at Seventh Heaven that the girls were together.

“Sure,” Kairi replied eagerly, linking arms with Yuffie, “let’s go.” They quickly left to the join the madness outside.

***

“Gaa… I have cat hair in my mouth,” Yuffie groaned unhappily.

“Good morning, Yuffiekins,” Kairi cooed brightly as she sat down next to the grimacing girl. She held a mug of steaming coffee, which she stirred with a metal spoon. “How is my sweetie feeling after she tried to preen Yuna with her mouth last night?”

Yuffie wiggled until she could peek out of her cocoon at the redhead. Unlike Yuffie’s own disheveled appearance, Kairi was impeccably dressed and smiling perkily. Yuffie was uncertain how to react to this, since she felt like an undead rat, even though they both spent the night partying. It seemed unnatural to her.

“Did you make a pact with the Devil?” she demanded, trying to ignore her throbbing head. Kairi laughed. It was very loud laughter that caused Yuffie to burrow into the bedding. When she noticed that she was causing the ninja pain, Kairi stopped and petted Yuffie’s head instead.

“You know that I’m a morning person,” Kairi reminded gently. “I’ve already gotten ready for the day. Besides, unlike someone, I didn’t consume massive amounts of alcohol, which made getting up a lot easier.”

“The sunlight burns my eyes,” Yuffie moaned.

“If you want the blinds closed, you’ll have to shut them yourself.” Kairi sipped her drink. “I happen to like the light.”

Mumbling profanities under her breath, Yuffie fell out of bed. To Kairi’s amusement, the ninja crawled across the floor to the window and tried to shut the blinds. It didn’t work. Yuffie tugged the cord again, cursing whatever fool designed the blind. It still wouldn’t budge; the foul shade had declared war against the Great Ninja Yuffie!

“Oh, you’re going down,” Yuffie growled. She yanked the cord with all of her might.

“Drop it, Yuffie!” Kairi yelled, jumping up from the bed when the shades started to quake. She yanked the cord out of the older girl’s hand and gently tugged one of the strings. The shades instantly closed. Yuffie stared in amazement.

“How did you do that?” she asked, flabbergasted.

“The blinds are designed to close when you pull the left string, and open on the right,” Kairi explained.

Yuffie nodded; that seemed to make sense. She crawled back toward the bed to get some more sleep.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Kairi drawled. Yuffie had thought that was obvious; the only reason she had gotten out of bed was to shut the blinds. Of course she was going to return to it.

“I’m obeying the bed’s siren calls,” Yuffie replied. She climbed back into the bed and pulled the covers over her head. She didn’t stay in the blissful dark for long. The covers were ripped from her back. Yuffie sat up and scowled at her girlfriend.

“I’d rather you obey the siren calls of the shower,” Kairi grinned wryly. Yuffie continued to scowl. Kairi sighed before pulling the ninja off the bed. “Come on Yuf, you reek of vomit.”

“I do not!” Yuffie squawked indignantly.

“Have you smelled yourself?” Kairi demanded. Yuffie cautiously sniffed her shirt and gagged. She looked up to catch the redhead’s triumphant gaze.

Yuffie was hustled into the bathroom, stripped, and dunked into a tub of hot water. Apparently Kairi had prepared everything before waking the ninja. Then Yuffie was subjected to a scrubbing harder than any she had ever received before in her life. The experience was even more embarrassing due to the fact that she was six the last time someone else had bathed her. In a tub that is, sponge baths at the hospital didn’t count.

“Can’t I wash my own hair?” Yuffie hissed.

“I assumed this is what you would have wanted.” Kairi continued to rub shampoo into the other’s hair before adding, “You’re always trying to talk me into the bathtub with you.”

“That would be romantic,” Yuffie protested. “This is demeaning.”

“Being a famous surfer and drowning because you fell asleep in the tub would be even worse,” Kairi countered. She rinsed her hands off in the bath water. “Hope you don’t drown, Yuf.”

Yuffie wasn’t entirely certain what she had said that was wrong, but she knew something had been because Kairi looked annoyed. It wasn’t fun dealing with an annoyed Kairi; she’d ignore Yuffie and refuse to do her laundry. The washing machine scared Yuffie; she had been trapped in one over night due to a game of hide and seek gone bad. There were also more carnal reasons for not annoying Kairi, but Yuffie really just didn’t want to leave home with the redhead mad at her. Fights, especially ones she had to leave in the middle of, always made the ninja feel like she had failed somehow. She didn’t like failing.

“Kairi!” Yuffie yelled, climbing out of the tub. She stopped speaking then, uncertain on how to continue. She quickly ran her towel through her hair before swiping it over her limbs to catch the larger amounts of water. Yuffie wrapped the towel around her torso and left the bathroom to find her girlfriend.

Kairi was in their bedroom changing the sheets. The new ones were dark blue and flannel. Yuffie disliked flannel; they made her too warm at night. Kairi always put them on the bed when Yuffie was off surfing. It was another reminder that she was about to leave.

“Flannel sheets, huh?” Yuffie commented softly, biting her lip. Kairi glanced at her and smiled gently.

“I know you don’t like them, but since you’re leaving in two days, I figured I may as well put them on now.”

“I wish you could come with me,” Yuffie whispered, wrapping her arms around the redhead. She buried her head into Kairi’s back.

“I won’t get into law school if I miss class,” Kairi laughed gently. She turned around and cupped Yuffie’s face in her hands. I’ll miss you, Yuffie, but I don’t think I could handle a mongoose in my suitcase,” she teased, referring to Yuffie’s last Hawaiian visit.

“I’ll miss you too,” Yuffie stated the obvious.

“Hey, hey, we’ve still got two full days before goodbye,” Kairi frowned at her. She leaned down and kissed her.

It was a soft and chaste kiss. Yuffie thought about turning it into something more, but her head still throbbed painfully. She gently pushed Kairi away and flopped onto the bed. Kairi sat down next to her.

“What’s wrong, Yuf?” she asked.

“My head still hurts,” the ninja whined.

Kairi winced slightly. “I forgot,” she apologized, before getting up from the bed. She was gone for a minute, returning with a cup of water. “Here, drink this,” she ordered.

“I don’t wanna,” Yuffie refused, childishly pushing the cup away. 

Kairi frowned at her. “A hangover is a form of dehydration. The quickest way to get over it is to drink water. You’re going to drink this water, even if I have to shove it down your gullet.” Yuffie meekly accepted the cup and drank the liquid. Kairi kissed her on the forehead. “I’m sorry you feel ill, sweetie.”

“Can we cuddle?” Yuffie asked. Kairi climbed into bed next to her and hugged the older girl. This made the surfer giggle happily. “This is nice.”

“Well we can’t screw like bunnies all of the time,” Kairi replied, eliciting a laugh from Yuffie. “Why don’t you call Tifa’s and see how Two-K’s doing, Yuf?”

“Okey doke,” Yuffie agreed. She pulled Kairi down to cuddle and grabbed her phone off the nightstand. “Hey Kairi, do you remember if Tifa’s is 6-5-8 or 6-5-9?” she questioned, punching in the first half of the number.

“6-5-8,” Kairi clarified.

On the third ring Tifa answered. “Hey Kairi, did you get Yuffie home alright?”

“This is Yuffie,” Yuffie corrected.

“Oh, wow,” Tifa exclaimed, “It’s the day after St. Patrick’s and the Great Ninja Yuffie is awake at 11:30 in the morning?”

“Yes. Why yes I am, Lockhart,” Yuffie said airily, before laughing. She couldn’t seriously pretend she was awake by choice. “Look, we were mainly calling about Rikku. How’s she doing?”

“She’s still sleeping it off in my bed,” Tifa replied dryly.

“In your bed, eh?” Yuffie grinned. Kairi’s eyebrows rose.

“Yes, this was after she puked three times and declared that we couldn’t be together anymore because she was secretly in love with the mailman. She then sprawled across my bed in a drunken stupor threatening to spew more stomach acid if she was jostled in the slightest, so I had to sleep on the couch,” Tifa recounted. “This all happened at about four in the morning.”

“Wow, so I guess that Two-K is fine then,” Yuffie concluded.

“I think she’s fine,” agreed Tifa. “Now I get to add that my first relationship with a girl lasted for a total of ten hours and three pukings.”

“You didn’t want to date her in the first place!” Yuffie accused.

“True, but it still doesn’t change that fact that I’ve got a pitiful love life,” Tifa laughed. “I gotta go, I think my muffins are burning.” She hung up, leaving Yuffie with the dial tone.

“Two-K’s okay, she’s sleeping off her hangover,” Yuffie summarized. She set the phone on the nightstand before turning her attention to the younger girl. “I wanna go back to sleep now.”

“Then go ahead,” Kairi smiled. “At least you smell nice now.” Yuffie stuck her tongue out at the redhead, who just grinned. Kairi kissed Yuffie’s temple. “I’ll stick around in case you need me.”

“I always need you,” Yuffie sighed, snuggling closer. As Kairi petted her hair until the ninja fell asleep while feeling warm and safe. They spent the rest of the day in bed recovering.

***

Yuffie woke up to find Yuna on her stomach. Yawning slightly, she picked up the chocobo and wandered into the kitchen. Sleeping for as long as she had left her feeling a bit ravenous. This of course made Yuffie wonder where her girlfriend was. While pondering this important question Yuffie spotted a note on the table. She picked it up and quickly scanned it.

_Hey Yuffie—_  
I’d love to lay around in bed today and watch you sleep. Sadly, I’ve got my chem midterm (with Dr. Zexy) at 8. I’ve also got an important study session. So I’ll catch you around 4 or so and we can have a late lunch. I love you!  
—Kairi 

‘Well this sucks,’ Yuffie grumbled, crumpling the note. She shoved the note into her pocket, still wondering what to eat. “What do you think we should have?” Yuffie asked Yuna.

“Wark,” Yuna squawked in reply.

“Green eggs and ham it is,” Yuffie concluded.

She opened the fridge, looking for eggs and ham. She found the Canadian Bacon right away, but the eggs weren’t leaping out at her. Yuna settled down on the kitchen table to nap. The ninja growled as she slammed the refrigerator door shut.

“We’re out of eggs,” she told the chocobo.

“Kwe,” Yuna cheeped softly then yawned.

Yuffie nodded in agreement. “I’m sorry, I know you were expecting green eggs and ham,” she apologized, hugging the bird. “At least we still have ham. You like ham, don’t you?”

Yuna warked in distress. It seemed that she didn’t like the idea of being fed ham.

The surfer-ninja microwaved several pieces of bacon. When they were done, she gave one piece to Yuna and kept the rest to herself. She watched the bird turn her beak up at the ham. Yuna also refused to eat chocolate or ice cream. She pulled out the note to see if Kairi had written anything else. The back of the note held an amendment, which read:

_PS: Give Yuna her Gysahl Greens. They’re in the veggie drawer. I don’t want to find out you gave her meat or chocolate, or something like that. It gives her indigestion.  
PPS: Call Rikku—talk to Rikku_

Yuffie carefully stuffed the note back in her pocket and transferred the meat, chocolate, and ice cream from Yuna’s plate to her own. She got some fresh Gyshal Greens out of the fridge and gave them to Yuna. The chocobo finally started eating.

“Let’s not mention this to Kairi,” Yuffie whispered, gently stroking the bird’s neck.

Yuffie got dressed quickly. Since it was still too early to check on Rikku, she figured she’d pack for her trip. This really meant throwing a week or two’s worth of clothing in a suitcase, checking her wetsuits for mildew, and carefully packaging her surfboards to keep them safe on the journey. Packing didn’t take long. Once she was finished she spent an hour playing with Yuna before leaving the apartment. Yuffie figured that she would do one step better than just calling Rikku; she would visit her instead.

‘Since I know she won’t stay with Gippal, she’s probably still at Tifa’s,’ Yuffie concluded as she leapt onto a trolley’s roof.

She rode along the trolley line for about twenty minutes until she reached Tifa’s street. Then Yuffie hopped off, chuckling slightly over the fact that she yet again gotten a free ride. Yuffie always refused to pay when there was a cheaper, more dangerous way.

After she ambled down the street to Seventh Heaven, Yuffie burst in through the front door. “Hello! Tifa! Two-K! You guys around?” Yuffie yelled, peering around the bar. No one was around, so she walked across the room, jumped over the counter, and hurried up the stairs to Tifa’s apartment. Yuffie unlocked the door and entered the apartment. Rikku was flopped on the couch watching TV. Yuffie climbed into the couch next to the blonde and hugged her. “How ya feeling?” she asked.

“Not great,” she sighed. “I really miss Gippal.” She sat up and looked at Yuffie. “But I refuse to return to a cheater.”

“Well that’s good,” Yuffie nodded. “But where are you gonna live now?”

“I’m living with Tifa until I can get my own place,” Rikku explained. “We moved my stuff out yesterday and stored it in Tifa’s basement. Know anyone who needs a new roommate?”

“Sorry,” Yuffie said, shaking her head.

She got off the couch and pulled Rikku to her feet. Rikku stared at the ninja, uncertain what exactly was going on right now. Yuffie just grinned at her manically. Rikku was about to ask what Yuffie was up to when the ninja exclaimed, “Let’s go egg Gippal’s car!”

“What?” she yelled back.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” cajoled Yuffie. “You’re my best friend, Two-K, I can’t have you down in the dumps. Besides you’re also my manager…” 

“Leon’s your manager,” Rikku interjected.

“Co-manager,” the surfer amended, sticking out her tongue. “Look, the point is, Two-K, that when you’re unhappy, you can’t do anything and that makes all of us unhappy. So to get happy again, we have to make Gippal suffer, and the best way to do that is to take vengeance on his car!”

“Okay,” Rikku agreed, deciding to get up and do something.

“What?” Yuffie asked, after Rikku had startled her out of her plans.

“I said okay,” Rikku laughed, “let’s get some eggs and take down Gippal’s car!”

“Great!” Yuffie grinned, pumping her fist into the air. 

They left Tifa’s and ran to the nearest grocery store. Once there they bought two-dozen eggs with cash. Yuffie refused to get a receipt. She didn’t want to have a paper trail. Rikku couldn’t stop giggling.

They caught a trolley roof-ride over to Rikku’s old neighborhood. It wasn’t that hard to find Gippal’s truck. It was a big, shiney black monster that had flames detailed across the hood. Gippal liked to say that he had driven the thing to hell and back. He spent hours laboring over that truck and he loved it to bits.

“I can’t wait to see his precious truck covered in yolk,” Rikku smirked. She reached into the plastic bag holding the egg containers.

Yuffie stopped her. “Wait,” she hissed. “We don’t wanna get caught. They could lift our fingerprints from the eggshells. Put these on.” She handed Rikku a pair of black gloves matching her own.

After they both donned gloves, each girl pulled out an egg container. Then the massacre began. Egg after egg hurtled through the air exploding against the glossy finish in a yellow goop. Different splatter patterns formed as the girls threw their eggs at various angles and speeds. Albumin and egg yolk trickled down the truck’s hood, spreading the mess everywhere. Chips of eggshell decorated the windows and headlights. It was a glorious mess. By the time the last egg broke, the truck was dripping with raw egg slime. A small puddle of albumin surrounded the car, although most of the missiles congealed along the truck. The truck smelled revolting as the sun warmed the metal and egg slime.

“Gippal’ll have a stroke when he sees this. The best part is that the eggs will strip the paint off of the truck when Gippal tries to remove them. This is so sweet!” Rikku laughed. She threw her arms around the surfer and whispered, “Thanks Yuffie.”

Yuffie laughed and slung an arm around Rikku’s shoulders. The girls walked away from their masterpiece. They tossed the egg cartons in the dumpster of an apartment complex several blocks over. They wanted to make certain no one could easily trace them back to their crime. “This was nothing for the Great Ninja Yuffie,” she boasted. “Now I’m hungry. Who wants Chinese? I want Chinese, do you want Chinese?”

“Sure, and as your manager, I’ll even pay,” Rikku grinned. They went off to find a Chinese restaurant.

***

“I still can’t believe that you’re gonna be gone for a month,” Kairi sniffed. She had her arms around Yuffie’s neck in a death grip hug.

“Ahh, the month’ll fly by so quickly that you’ll turn around one day and say ‘Yuffie, I thought you’d be gone for at least another week.’ Besides, I’ll call and write about everything important,” Yuffie promised. Kairi pulled back and gave her a skeptical look.

“Oh yes, like the time you called when you won the Atlantis three day surfing circuit. Or when you were taken into custody by the Swiss Guard in Rome.” Yuffie winced at the reminders of when Kairi had to learn about her exploits from the evening news. When they were finally reunited those had been unpleasant conversations.

“Hey, Squallykins is coming along,” Yuffie reminded her girlfriend. “He should keep me in line.”

Kairi gave her one last hug and kiss before stepping back. “Be good,” she ordered.

As Yuffie boarded the plane, she yelled back, “I won’t be bad, Kairi!”

Yuffie quickly took her seat and pressed her face to the window. She kept an eye on the redhead for as long as the plane remained stationary on the tarmac. Even as the plane took off, she remained at the window craning to keep an eye on her girlfriend. Yuffie stayed at the glass staring down until Hollow Bastion airport was just a tiny speck and Kairi was nowhere to be seen.


	11. A Pickpocket in Tortuga

“Oh my God,” Kairi screeched.

“You think that’s bad?” Rikku laughed. "You should have seen some of last year’s wipeouts.”

“But there are so many rocks,” Kairi whimpered.

The two girls stood on a cliff, along with a small crowd of surfing fans and two judges. It was the second day of the Tortuga surfing competition. Kairi flew out for the event to cheer her lover on specifically because it was the first competition to like up with her break schedule in months. The fact one of the most important surfing events of the year just happened to line up with her spring break this year was a happy coincidence. Part of the prestige was due to the ferocity of the waves; twelve surfers had already dropped out due to the difficulty this year.

Yuffie had been ranked seventh this morning. Kairi wasn’t certain where she was now, since the judges hadn’t made any official statements yet. Her main hope currently was that they wouldn’t have to scrape the surfer off the jagged rocks.

Unlike the beginning of today’s events, the crowd was apathetic. Part of the reason was because there was little action besides wipeouts, and even those had been pretty boring, so far. A couple of guys cheered at the crashes, but most of the audience just watched silently.

“Hey look,” Rikku hissed, tugging on Kairi until she looked down at the low beach. “Yuffie’s about to go!”

Yuffie strode confidently across the beach. After conferring with the judges for a moment, she hopped into the waves and started paddling out. One guy started laughing. Rikku smacked him and told all the nearby onlookers to hush. Kairi ignored the commotion; she had to keep her attention on her girlfriend.

Yuffie paddled out on her belly into the deep waves. Once she was out far enough to have the waves crashing over her, Yuffie crawled to her knees. Then, standing up carefully, she rode the wave. She twisted and turned on the raging surf with amazing skill. It looked like the water was following Yuffie’s lead instead of trying to drown her.

Grinning uneasily, Kairi watched her ninja play on the waves. ‘Don’t crash, Yuf,’ Kairi thought as she heard her heartbeat in her ears. ‘I don’t want us to have to spend our break in the hospital. Again.’

Whatever else may be said about Yuffie, she was a professional when it came to surfing. She sliced through the water like it was warm butter. Yuffie performed her entire act with speed and diligence, while maintaining a lackadaisical manner. The surfer finished her ride landing gently in the center of the beach before hopping off.

A cheer rose from the crowd. This was the first decent performance of the day. Kairi carefully scrambled down the side of the cliff to greet Yuffie. What Kairi really wanted to do was rush over, pounce on Yuffie, and scream at her for the stupid risks she took, but dignity held her back. When Yuffie finished with all five of the judges, she bounced over to Kairi, still carrying her board.

“What did ya think, Kairi?” Yuffie asked, grinning gleefully.

The redhead didn’t answer. Instead she simply pulled Yuffie into a tight hug. Sniffing slightly, Kairi’s nose filled with the scent of salt and sea brine.

“Come on, Kairi, let’s go,” Yuffie whined, shaking the other’s shoulder. “You’re getting your new sundress all wet.”

“So you’re saying that my new dress is more important than reaffirming that you’re still alive?” Kairi smirked. She knew Yuffie really meant nothing of the sort.

“What? No, I-I simply meant,” Yuffie fumbled.

Kairi laughed and kissed Yuffie. “I know what you meant,” she assured. “And you were great, by the way.”

“Wonderful,” Leon grumbled. “Now get off the beach.” He pushed the two girls toward the beach’s parking lot. “The judges only want the current contestants on the beach.”

“Then what are you doing here?” Yuffie demanded. “You don’t even surf, Squallykins.”

Leon growled. It seemed that the surfer was only putting her manager in a more foul temper. Though she couldn’t imagine Leon in anything other than a poor temper at the moment. Tight black leather would not have been Kairi’s first choice for the warm humid climate.

“Come on, Yuffie,” Kairi sighed, leading her girlfriend away. “Let’s not antagonize Leon any further. Hey, can you show me around?”

“But of course,” Yuffie answered, running ahead.

Kairi followed quickly, glad that she was wearing good sandals. Before exploring, they stashed Yuffie’s surfboard with Rikku. Yuffie also changed out of her wetsuit and into a spaghetti strap top and shorts. They had a few hours before Yuffie was due back for the day’s final results.

The girls scampered off to town. Tortuga was a boisterous little city filled with good-natured mayhem. Unlike the other cities Kairi had visited, this one had rowdy picaresque people running it. Here they reviled in a general chaos every evening and if a visitor didn’t get into a fight in one of their many bars or drink until puking in the street it was considered a wasted visit. 

When Kairi commented on this, Yuffie just laughed. “You should see this place at night. People are thrown off the balconies all the time. That’s why they’ve get these liability wavers at all the bars,” Yuffie explained. Kairi stopped and stared.

“We are not visiting any bars here,” she said. 

“But the drinking age is eighteen here,” the ninja protested. One glance at Kairi made her drop the subject. “Hey I think I see the market!”

A plethora of colors greeted Kairi’s eyes. They wandered through the open stalls as the owners loudly hawked their wares. Kairi had fish, blankets, and above all else, rum shoved in her face. One hairy man pulled her aside and started explaining how wonderful it would be to buy a monkey. When she refused his offer, the man got angry enough that Yuffie stepped in to reiterate her point and stress the refusal.

“I’m amazed you didn’t deck him,” Kairi said when they had gotten away from the hairy monkey seller.

“Well, I promised you I wouldn’t get into anymore fights, unless I had to,” Yuffie laughed, putting her hands on the back of her neck. “Of course, I would have kicked that guy’s ass if you had wanted me to, but I figured it would have made too much of a scene, so I didn’t.”

“Maybe I should take a class on self defense,” Kairi thought out loud. 

“I have offered to teach you in the past,” Yuffie reminded her.

“I know,” Kairi sighed. “It’s just you’re better at doing Kung Fu and ninjutsu than teaching it. Yuffie—what the hell?”

Yuffie suddenly dived behind Kairi. She had tackled a little boy to the ground. “Okay, punk,” she growled, pulling the both of them to their feet. She held him firmly by the scruff of his neck. The boy looked like he was only four. “Give it back.”

“Yuffie,” Kairi hissed. They were in the middle of a semi busy street, though no one seemed to be paying them any attention. “You can’t go around attacking little kids.”

Yuffie dragged the boy to his feet. Shaking him slightly she repeated her order. The little boy dropped Kairi’s purple wallet into the ninja’s outstretched hand. He smiled up at Kairi unsurely as if that would get him out of trouble. Small thieving children were not part of the vacation plan when Kairi agreed to this trip.

“How did you notice him doing that?” Kairi asked, still shaken that this small child was already breaking laws.

“You forget that I’ve got a doctorate in street smarts,” she replied cheerfully. She hoisted the boy over her shoulder. “Come on,” Yuffie grinned. “Let’s get something to eat.” She hefted the boy. “I think he needs it more than we do.”

They found a café a few blocks away. Yuffie dropped the boy onto a chair and slid into the one next to him. Kairi sat down in a third. Then a waitress sashayed up to them.

“I’ll have cocoa,” Yuffie ordered.

At the server’s glance, Kairi said, “Lemonade.”

“Rum,” piped up the boy.

“Milk,” Yuffie stressed, much to Kairi’s relief, “for the boy.”

When the waitress hustled away, the boy demanded to know why he couldn’t have rum. His argument was that since the girls got what they wanted, he should too. Kairi stifled a smile. As annoying as his behavior was, it reminded her of Yuffie and it was a delight to see her girlfriend dealing with someone else who was as obstinate as she.

“What’s your name, kid?” Yuffie asked.

“Vaan,” he answered, sulkily.

“Well Vaan,” Yuffie replied, “alcohol kills brain cells, and frankly, I think you need all the ones you have. What were you thinking, trying to pick-pocket Kairi?”

“That she was an easy mark,” Vaan mumbled.

“I am not,” Kairi defended herself. Yuffie smiled at her.

“Yes you are, love.” The ninja turned her attention back to Vaan. “I want to know why you picked her pocket, when you could clearly see that she was with me.” She leaned over the table and looked Vaan in the eye. “Do I look like an easy mark to you?”

Vaan shook his head. “No Ma’am, you look like a pirate.”

Yuffie flopped back in her chair grinning. “Never been called that before,” she thought out loud.

“Being a pirate isn’t exactly a good thing,” Kairi reminded her.

“Yes it is,” Vaan insisted. “Pirates are the awesomest!”

After the waitress returned with their drinks, they ordered their food. Once they were alone again, the conversation continued. For the rest of the meal Yuffie explained how to correctly pick marks and proper snatching techniques.

“Now, I’m a nice person,” Yuffie finished, getting up from her chair. “If I wasn’t, I could have broken your knee caps. So, what have you learned today?” Kairi elbowed her and glared. Yuffie smiled sheepishly at her girlfriend and told her that she wouldn’t have actually done it, just that it was something she could have done.

“Never go after street smarts, their lovers, or pants with deep pockets,” Vaan answered eagerly, repeating what Yuffie had told him. “Umm, Yuffie, what’s a lover?”

“Something that if you’re really lucky you’ll find when you’re older,” Kairi explained, smiling at the surfer.

Yuffie grinned back, and then her cell phone went off. After flipping it open, Yuffie answered with a “Hello?” There was a brief bit of yelling over the phone. Kairi could tell it was Leon, but that was about it. After a few minutes, Yuffie hung up on him. She made a face.

“You’re due back?” Kairi guessed. Yuffie nodded.

“I guess we’ll have to leave the squirt behind,” she sighed, getting up from the table. “I’m sorry we didn’t have more time to explore.”

“Actually, I’d like to stick around and make certain that Vaan gets home. This isn’t the last day of the competition, so I don’t really need to be there. Don’t worry, Yuf, I wouldn’t miss your winning for the world.” Kairi ran her fingers over the ninja’s knuckles, trying to wipe away the surfer’s disheartened expression.

“I guess we aren’t attached at the hip,” Yuffie sighed. “Just be careful, okay? I don’t want you getting mugged.” She kissed Kairi carefully before having to jog away.

‘She’s probably late again,’ Kairi thought grinning fondly.

“Why did she kiss you?” Vaan asked, pulling Kairi out of her thoughts. “Are you a dyke?”

“I prefer the term lesbian,” Kairi said carefully as they left the café. “It means that I like girls. Do you like girls?”

“No,” Vaan replied. “I mean I know I’m gonna marry Penelo when I get big and become a famous pirate, but that’s it. Girls have cooties.”

“Who’s Penelo?” Kairi asked.

Vaan didn’t have time to answer because a little girl attacked him. “Where have you been, you big dope?” she demanded, shaking him. Vaan tried to get away from the small girl, but he couldn’t. “Migelo has been really worried about you!”

“Sorry, Penelo,” Vaan mumbled. “I was just hanging out with Kairi here.”

Penelo stared up at Kairi in surprise. Kairi smiled and waved slightly. “You know we’re not allowed to talk with strangers,” Penelo hissed. “Migelo’s gonna be mad.”

An older gentlemen with white hair and a trim mustache walked up to them. Penelo flew to him, latching onto one of his stout legs. “I see you found Vaan, Penelo,” he chuckled, leaning heavily on a cane.

“Vaan was talking to strangers,” Penelo tattled.

“I only did because the pirate grabbed me,” Vaan defended himself.

“Vaan, what have I told you about stealing?” He demanded, looking extremely angry. “If ya keep it up, you’ll be caught and sent to jail. Or if you pick the wrong pocket, you could lose a hand. Then what would we do?”

“Sorry, Migelo,” Vaan mumbled, hanging his head.

Migelo picked up Penelo and took Vaan’s hand. “Thank you so much for finding Vaan. I’m so sorry for all the trouble he caused you,” he said, bowing his head. “I’m not as young as I once was and I can no longer keep up with these scamps.”

“It’s alright, really.” Kairi chewed on her lip. “I got all my stuff back.”

“She’s a thespian,” Vaan added knowingly, as if this was vital information he had to share.

“You’re an actor?” Migelo asked. “I didn’t know Vaan knew any large words.”

Kairi shook her head as she blushed hotly. She was beginning to wish she had never run into Vaan. Actually, she was beginning to rethink the idea that she had ever wanted kids.

After a moment Migelo realized what Vaan had meant. “Again I am sorry for Vaan’s rudeness. He’s a troublesome boy, but he’s ours.” Migelo smiled faintly at Kairi. “Please let me take you back to my shop. I’m certain we can find something to repay your kindness.”

After following the three back to a store called Migelo’s Sundries, Kairi was offered a host of items. It was a little overwhelming having all of Migelo’s wares displayed at once. She really didn’t any anything from them, but saying no would be insulting and she wanted to do that even less. Migelo seemed like a kindly chap and the children were equal parts endearing and maddening. In the end, Kairi decided that she really liked a pair of blue parrot earrings and chose that.

“That’s an excellent choice,” Migelo smiled.

“How much do I owe you for them?” Kairi asked, pulling out her wallet.

“No, no I couldn’t possibly accept money for this.” Migelo waved her off. “This is our thanks you to you.”

“Thanks,” Kairi smiled, blushing slightly.

After pushing the hooks through her ears, she stared at her reflection. The bright blue of the little parrots contrasted sharply with her red hair. The earrings dangled merrily, swinging slightly as Kairi moved. She liked the way their little beaks reflected light.

‘I wonder if these would look better on Yuffie,’ Kairi pondered as she adjusted her hair. ‘Still they’re really pretty on me.’

A clock struck the hour. Kairi jumped slightly, surprised at how late it had gotten. She turned apologetically to Migelo. “I’m so sorry Migelo, Vaan, Penelo. I really have to go, I need to meet up with a friend.”

“Is it Yuffie?” Vaan asked eagerly. Kairi raised an eyebrow at the question.

“Among others.”

“Yuffie?” Penelo questioned uncertainly.

“Yuffie, my girlfriend, Yuffie Kisaragi,” Kairi explained.

“The surfer?” exclaimed Penelo excitedly. Kairi nodded, trying not to laugh at her enthusiasm. “Can I meet her? Please, please, please!”

“Umm… okay,” Kairi slowly agreed.

So they set off to the beach. They all piled into Migelo’s worn-down car. The four-year-olds insisted that Kairi sit in the back with them. To keep them from melting down and throwing a temper tantrum Kairi agreed. She also didn’t want them pestering her with any more questions about her personal life, so she told Penelo and Vaan Great Ninja Yuffie stories instead.

“…So that’s when Yuffie came crashing down out of the ventilation shaft clutching a squawking, scoot-covered Yuna as the chocobo tried to fly away,” Kairi concluded, laughing at the memory. Penelo giggled as Vaan stared at Kairi in awe.

“She really did all that?” he breathed.

“Well yeah, but she kind of had to since she had messed things up in the first place,” Kairi explained. “She was lucky she hadn’t been carrying matches and that the air conditioning wasn’t on.”

“Hey, Migelo— ”Vaan started.

“No Vaan, you are not allowed in the vents, the sewers, in any sort of motorized vehicle without an adult, or in places closed off for the public’s general safety,” Migelo finished. “It looks like we’re here.”

Vaan and Penelo scrambled out of the backseat, trampling Kairi on their way. Sighing slightly, the woman followed them out. After getting out of the car, Kairi stretched and looked around. More people had shown up at the beach since she had left. The crowd was large, but only a shadow of the one to come. After looking around at the unfamiliar faces, Kairi spotted a familiar strawberry blonde clinging to a man in leather.

“Two-K, Leon!” she yelled, racing up to them.

“Kairi!” Rikku squealed, throwing her arms around the redhead. “Where ya been? If Yuffie wasn’t being mobbed, I’m certain she’d have been freaking out by now.”

“Where is she?” Kairi asked. “I have some new friends who want to see her.” She nodded toward the children.

“Hi there, little fellas,” Rikku grinned, squatting down next to them.

“Do you know Yuffie?” Penelo asked softly.

Rikku chuckled before turning to Kairi. “One track mind, huh? Maybe you’ll have some competition in twenty years.”

“Yuffie may be an idiot, but she’s faithful as hell,” Leon said. “She’s in the center of the crowd, Kairi,” he added, pointing in the right direction.

Nodding thanks, Kairi ushered the children toward the horde. They permeated the crowd and soon became sandwiched in the mess. Since she was worried Penelo would be trampled, Kairi lifted the girl up onto her shoulders. She also took hold of Vaan’s hand to keep his sticky fingers from wandering. When they finally reached Yuffie, the excited surfer became ecstatic.

“Kairi!” Yuffie yelled, pulling her into a tight hug. “I’ve missed you!” When she pulled back, she noticed Penelo. “Who’s this?”

“P-Penelo,” Penelo whispered, clutching Kairi’s hair.

“Penelo,” Kairi repeated loudly for the girl.

“Nice to meet cha,” Yuffie said, shaking Penelo’s hand. Then to Kairi she added, “I’m sorry babe, I’ve still got a ton of fans to talk with—” she waved her arm toward the crowd. “—can we meet up in a bit?”

“We’ll hang out with Two-K,” Kairi agreed. She pulled the kids out of the crowd. “So what did you think?” she asked.

“That was awesome!” Penelo squeaked. “I just wish I could have gotten a picture…”

“I bet you will,” Kairi smiled, causing Penelo to brighten.

They, along with Rikku and Migelo, combed the beach. Penelo and Kairi looked for shells, while Vaan and Rikku built a sandcastle. After a large number of shells had been gathered, the girls decorated the castle with them while Vaan built a moat. Sadly the tide came in and destroyed their work before they were finished.

“All that hard work for nothing,” Kairi sighed. She had meant to get a photo when they finished.

“Hey, I thought it was pretty cool.”

“Yuffie! You’re done, huh?” Kairi grinned, head whipping around to locate her girlfriend.

Yuffie ran over to the younger girl, kicking up sand in her wake. “Yeah. Security could tell I was getting pretty wiped out, so they kicked out my adoring fans,” Yuffie chuckled. “Sorry I took so long, babe, but you know I can’t turn down my fans.”

“Ham,” Kairi smiled, brushing sand out of the surfer’s hair.

“But you still love me.” Yuffie perked up slightly. “Hey Kairi, I just remembered that—”

Whatever the ninja had been about to say was lost when two fast moving bodies slammed into her. Kairi tried not to laugh as the four-year-olds attacked her girlfriend.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Yuffie breathed, pushing the kids off of her. “What’s up?”

“CanIgetyourautograph?” Penelo rushed.

After blinking twice, Yuffie grinned, “Sure, kiddo! But you guys’ll have to get off me first.” Vaan and Penelo eagerly scrambled off the girl and lined up together a few paces away. Yuffie climbed to her feet and dusted herself off. “Okay so let’s see,” she mumbled. “We’ve got Vaan and Penelo, right?” The two nodded, happy that Yuffie remembered their names.

“Penelo was hoping to get some pictures with you,” Kairi added.

“Well then we can’t disappoint her. Where’s the camera?” the surfer asked, looking around.

“Here it is!” Rikku yelled, waving it in Yuffie’s face.

The ninja jumped. “Holy sh-oot, Two-K! How did you do that?”

Rikku grinned mischievously. “You’re not the only one with ninja skills. Besides, I already had the camera since I was getting some promo shots earlier.”

“Do not sneak up on me,” Yuffie ordered, waggling her finger. “It’s cute when I do it. Not so cute when you do it.”

“Umm guys, can you two stop bickering long enough to spread some time with the adoring fans?” Kairi asked, trying to break up others’ behavior before they got too invested in their usual routines and started brawling in front of the kids.

“Sorry Kairi,” Rikku and Yuffie apologized in unison. They looked at their feet mournfully.

“She’s good,” Penelo whispered to Vaan, who nodded in agreement.

“Hey you guys, sorry ‘bout that,” Yuffie laughed, scratching the back of her head. “Two-K and I tend to argue a lot. So, shall we take some photos?”

Kairi and Rikku took turns taking pictures of Yuffie clowning around with the kids. It was one of those cameras—Kairi couldn’t remember the name—that spit out a photo right after taking it and the photo was presentable only a minute or so later. They ended up using an entire roll of film. A couple of the photos were ones that Kairi got to keep. Her favorite was the group photo; it even included Leon, which a security guard took for them. By the time the photo shoot was over Penelo and Vaan were worn out. They had an exciting day, but were only four, so they were falling asleep where they stood.

“Goodbye Kairi, it was a pleasure to have met you and Ms. Kisaragi,” Migelo said. He hoisted the children over his shoulders before getting into the car and driving away.

“Why were you a ‘Ms.’?” Kairi wondered out loud.

“Because I’m famous, babe,” Yuffie sighed, wrapping an arm around the redhead’s shoulders. “Shall we go home?”

“I guess,” Kairi agreed. “On the way, you can tell me how the placement’s changed.”

“Deal,” Yuffie grinned.

***

Kairi didn’t know what woke her up. One moment she was the frog in Frogger and the next she was in bed with Yuffie playing the part of an octopus. At least a semi wasn’t bearing down on her poor little webbed feet anymore. She sat there listening to her heart pounding as she tried to calm down and get her breathing under control. When she no longer felt like she was about to have a panic attack Kairi unhooked the appendages from around her neck and sat up. Nothing was amiss with their hotel room. All of their stuff was still in the exact place they had left it. The windows were partially open, allowing the sea breeze to sweep in, forcing the curtains to billow. It was quiet out; dawn was just beginning to turn the sky pink. 

‘I can’t believe that I’m in the middle of the freaking Caribbean,’ Kairi giggled silently. She climbed out of bed and leaned on the windowsill. All the parties that had raged on all night had finally died out, and now only the birds were beginning to wake. It made her feel like she was in another world entirely.

‘I wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t met Yuffie,’ Kairi grinned. There was a rap on the door. Glancing back at her slumbering girlfriend, Kairi slipped on her robe, and went to answer the door. When she opened it there stood Rikku in pajamas covered with seagulls.

“Two-K, what are you doing here?” Kairi hissed in surprise. Rikku adhered to the same principle as Yuffie; the only reasons to wake up before noon were surfing or sex, and people should never ever get up before dawn. By all rights she ought to still be asleep.

“Leon kicked me out. I mean we have separate beds and completely ignoring each other, but he still kicks me out because apparently I snore!” Rikku took a deep breath before giving Kairi puppy eyes. “Can I stay with you for the rest of the night?”

Kairi sighed. “You know you look like a demented parakeet when you do that,” she commented. “That doesn’t work on me. Yuffie gave up the idea that ‘puppy eyes’ worked on me after I told her she looked like a cross eyed gerbil.”

Rikku stopped the eye watering at once. “Please, can I spend the rest of the night with you two?” she asked politely.

“Sure,” Kairi shrugged. “Get into bed. I’m probably up for the day.”

“You’re the best, Kairi,” Rikku giggled. She crawled into bed and fell asleep almost instantly. The octopus had found a new victim and soon Yuffie was wrapped around her best friend just as tightly as she previously held her girlfriend.

Shaking her head at Rikku’s strangeness, Kairi locked their door. She climbed into the chair near the bed and flipped on the TV. After channel surfing for a minute, Kairi found a Scooby Doo marathon. Kairi was all set after she settled happily into her chair. 

Four episodes and a Scooby movie later, Kairi was roused from her cartoons by a scream. Looking at the bed she found Yuffie and Rikku screaming hysterically at each other. Sighing at their stupidity, Kairi walked over to Yuffie and pulled her lover away from the other screaming girl.

“Kairi,” Yuffie yelped, breathing heavily. “I swear she wasn’t—I’m certain I went home with you… oh god, I don’t think I even drank at all last night!”

“Don’t worry, you went home with me last night,” Kairi assured, pushing hair out of Yuffie’s eyes. “Rikku showed up this morning after she got kicked out of her room.” She turned her attention to Rikku. “I get why Yuffie freaked, but why did you start screaming, Two-K?”

“Since Yuffie started screaming, I did too,” Rikku shrugged. “I mean, how else do you react when someone starts screaming in your face?”

“Right then…” Kairi nodded slowly. “Yuf, you might wanna shower now, so we can go exploring.”

“Umm, Kairi, I can’t really get out of bed,” Yuffie said, clutching the covers.

“Well why not?” Kairi asked.

“I’m nude, Kairi,” Yuffie hissed after pulling the redhead close to her.

She stared at Yuffie. There were tons of times that Yuffie and Rikku had roomed together. Kairi couldn’t see what the big deal was.

“I’ve never been naked around Two-K,” Yuffie whispered. “It’d be weird to start now.”

“You do realize that you’re naked in bed with Two-K, right?” Kairi asked carefully.

“Eek!” Yuffie squeaked. She leaped out of bed and ran into the bathroom.

Kairi stared at the now shut door for a moment. “I had no idea she’d have such a strong reaction to being caught nude by you.”

Rikku shrugged, “I get it. You and me are both people that Yuffie respects. She cares about our opinions and what we think of her. While we may not notice it, there are strict boundaries in our relationships. Yuffie and I talk about everything, boys, girls, shopping, fighting, food, movies, books, relationships, sex—”

“Current relationships or only past?” Kairi asked, narrowing her eyes.

“All of them. Like right after it happened, she told me about your guys’ first time how it was really romantic and you kept blushing so much that Yuffie thought you were going to pass out…” Rikku trailed off when she noticed the expression on Kairi’s face. “She wasn’t supposed to tell me that, was she?”

“No,” Kairi replied.

“Oops,” Rikku mumbled. There was a moment of uneasy silence before she continued. “The point is we have a strictly platonic relationship. Which means no nudist activities… except for skinny dipping, because that’s the height of best friend friendship.”

As soon as Yuffie emerged from the shower, Rikku took her place. Once she was done in there she stole some of Kairi and Yuffie’s clothes so she could go out in public. The three pulled together all of Yuffie’s essential gear and met Leon in front of the hotel so that they could go to the beach for the final day together.

There were a total of sixteen surfers left in the competition that morning. Three rounds today were being held today, cutting the number of contestants from sixteen, to eight, to four. Yuffie surfed in all three rounds performing magnificently each time. Kairi knew that Yuffie was by far the best surfer out of the bunch, but that didn’t mean the judges knew that. Each round required a long period of debate to determine who was to be cut. It wasn’t until late afternoon that the judges reached their final conclusion of the competition. The head judge stood up and called all the contestants to the judge’s bench. He then launched into a long and boring speech about how each surfer was excellent in their own right and how the Tortuga surfing championship was an important and wonderful event. Then after droning on for an hour, he finally started to explain the results.

To heighten the drama, the judge called the four finalists to the raised platform where the judge’s table sat. After unrolling a sheet of paper with the official results on it, the judge cleared his throat. “These are the official results for this year’s Tortuga Surfing Championship,” he began. “Honorable mention goes to…”

Then Kairi’s cell phone went off. Cursing quietly, she hurried to the back of the crowd as people gave her disapproving looks. No one wanted a distraction that could make them miss the announcement of the winner. “Hello?” she hissed into the phone, covering her other ear so that she could hear.

“Kairi? Do you know where Leon is? His cell phone is off and I need to talk to him.” It was Aerith, though she sounded a bit strange.

“Aerith,” Kairi began, “this is a really bad time right now. The finalists are being announced right now. Can we talk later?”

“Just tell him to call me as soon as possible,” Aerith sighed. Then, to Kairi’s relief, she hung up.

Kairi quickly returned to the crowd, hoping that she hadn’t missed Yuffie’s ranking.

“And finally, this year’s champion is,” the judge announced, “Yuffie Kisaragi!”

With a whoop of happiness, Yuffie gracefully accepted the trophy. Kairi cheered her victory along with the rest of the crowd. Various reporters oozed out of the crowd, trailing cameramen behind them, hoping to get decent shots of the victor. At their insistence, Yuffie gave a short speech then entered into a Q&A with the media. To Kairi’s pleasure and embarrassment, she was mentioned several times in it.

After Yuffie played twenty questions with the media, the group was finally able to escape to the after party. Once there, Leon was finally able to return Aerith’s call. Her news had all three girls congratulating him extensively. However, it left the manager stunned and staring off into space. It was obvious he didn’t know how to process it exactly.

“I didn’t know ya had it in you, Squallykins,” Yuffie chuckled, socking him in the shoulder.

“When’s it due?” Kairi asked.

“Sometime in February,” Leon answered, still brooding. “If you ladies will excuse me, I need to head back to my room and call my wife again.” He made a hasty exit. None of the women stopped him, as a baby was a far more pressing concern than Yuffie winning something yet again.

“Now we have a ton of reasons to celebrate,” Rikku grinned, grabbing an unattached man next to them. “I’ll meet you guys on the dance floor.”

Many hours later after all the booze, music, dancing, and fireworks were over, Kairi and Yuffie cuddled in bed. Kairi sighed as she relaxed into Yuffie’s warm embrace. She loved how well they fit against each other and it always made it easier for her to sleep. Tonight Kairi was already halfway to dreamland.

“I still can’t believe that you talked about me in your acceptance speech,” Kairi laughed.

“I think I’ve done it before, and if I haven’t it’s a terrible oversight on my part,” Yuffie yawned. “I hope you didn’t mind.”

“No, I was just surprised. Most of the time I forget you’re famous.”

“Kairi, I don’t know much about life and even less about the future. But one thing I do know is that I wanna spend my life with you.” Yuffie nodded, trying to impress that knowledge on her girlfriend. “The reporters’ll have to learn that sooner or later.”

“That is so fucking cheesy,” Kairi giggled.

“Good.” Yuffie kissed the other’s neck. “I’d prefer to do all my cheesy stuff before the documentary starts.”

“Documentary?” Kairi muttered as her eyes closed for the final time that evening.

“Yeah, I signed a contract with Moogle TV, so that they’re doing a documentary on my surfing and personal life,” Yuffie explained.

“Lovely,” Kairi mumbled as she fell asleep.

The next morning Kairi woke up and realized what Yuffie had told her last night actually meant. She spent several hours screaming at the ninja about how she should never sign binding, life-altering contracts without consulting, or at least telling her in advance. When Kairi finally calmed down, Yuffie stood, smiling weakly as if she expected Kairi to start up again.

“Come here,” Kairi sighed, pulling Yuffie into a hug. “Just promise me that you won’t do anything like this again.” Yuffie nodded so vigorously that Kairi had to laugh. Even if Yuffie was an idiot, she was Kairi’s idiot. She’d always keep her because Kairi couldn’t imagine being her happiest without her.

“It’ll be fun though,” Yuffie promised. “They’ll be filming every aspect bit of my daily life, so you’ll be in a lot of the movie.”

‘Oh joy,’ Kairi thought sarcastically. ‘I just can’t wait to have every moment of my private life exposed for the world to see.’ As they left the hotel room Kairi reflected on the bright side. ‘At least I’ve got a couple of months before the fiascos starts. Maybe this won’t be so bad… sure and maybe I’ll become King of England.’ 

Shrugging, Kairi decided not to think about it anymore. She still had another three days of vacation and she wanted to make the most of it. After all, they could have a lot of fun in three days, especially if she ignored the impending lack of privacy.


	12. Documenting A Surprise

“So, you’re gonna follow me around with this?” Yuffie asked, tapping the lens lightly. “Right, Zell?”

“Please don’t do that, Ms. Kisaragi!” Zell yelped. The energetic blond wiped the tattoo across his left temple unconsciously, shook his head, and then snatched the camera out of Yuffie’s hands. “Ca8’s delicate.”

“Kate?” Yuffie wondered out loud.

“Yeah,” Zell grinned, patting the camera. “This is Camera 8, my sweet little Ca8.”

“That’s a neat name,” Yuffie agreed. “I only would have thought of something like Cam.”

Zell preened slightly at the compliments. He squeaked, clearly remembering something. “I’m sorry, Ms. Kisaragi,” Zell apologized, scratching the back of his head. “I forgot to explain what exactly Moogle TV wants me to do.”

“Call me Yuffie,” the surfer insisted, flopping back into her seat. “So, why don’t you tell me what’s going on then?”

Yuffie and Zell were in one of the nicer offices of the Traverse Town branch of Moogle TV. About ten minutes ago Zell had entered the room and exchanged places with a producer. Yuffie was certain she liked Zell better; he didn’t spout weird legal gobbleygook about her contract, like the producer. She already signed all the paperwork, wasn’t much she could do about it now, so she didn’t want to bother listening to some suit.

“Okay, so I’m going to be following you around for a month while you’re at home, and then follow you on next year’s surfing circuit,” Zell outlined. “Also, we’ll have several cameras set up in your apartment. That’s to get a sense of what your typical home life is like. They’ll come down once we get enough footage.”

“But there won’t be any cameras in the bathroom, right? Because Kairi said that she’d leave me if that happened,” Yuffie explained worriedly.

“Of course not,” Zell assured. “Moogle TV is a respectable company. The cameras will only be in the public spaces and on my shoulder. Your manager, Mr. Leonhart, was very insistent Moogle TV sign several privacy agreements. Due to this agreement—and I had to sign it too—things like addresses, phone numbers, last names for some people, as well as nudity will be kept concealed.”

“Okay,” Yuffie nodded, “good to know.”

“I’ll also be the only guy in your house from the television company,” Zell added. “We’ll have a couple of other dudes come along for the touring, but I’ll be the only one in your home. I can guarantee that I’ll personally stick to the standards. I’ve got standards.”

“Excellent,” Yuffie yawned, standing up and stretching. “Since Squallykins and the lawyers have taken care of all the legal mumbo jumbo, let’s go.”

The duo quickly left the Moogle TV building. They caught a Twilight Town bound train. On the three-hour train ride Zell carefully put Ca8 together and got the camera functioning correctly so that he was filming by the time Yuffie got off the train. She thought it was a fascinating process putting the camera together.

“How good are you at jumping?” Yuffie asked as they strolled out of the train station. “I mean, when you’re carrying Ca8 there. Any good at leaping?”

“Sure,” Zell grinned confidently, patting Ca8 again. “She’s real light and I can hop about easily, although the picture’s probably a bit shaky.”

“Awesome,” Yuffie laughed before running off. 

She heard Zell swear and start after her. Yuffie easily left Zell in the dust. After running several blocks, Yuffie shimmed up a light post. It was the best place for her to wait for Zell. Several minutes later Zell arrived at the lamppost. He was nearly doubled over as he panted, trying to catch his breath. The cameraman looked around hurriedly, trying to find out where Yuffie had gone.

Yuffie decided to give Zell a break. It wouldn’t take long for him to get used to Yuffie’s pacing and she was certain he’d be able to keep up fine once he did. Still, he needed a chance to get used to it. After all, they couldn’t film a documentary if the camera couldn’t keep up.

“Yo, Zell!” Yuffie yelled, waving. The blonde’s head jerked up, which made the ninja grin. “Took you long enough,” she said, sliding down the pole. “I thought you said you were fit.”

“I am,” Zell protested. “I’ve just got all my luggage and crap on me right now and I wasn’t expecting a five hundred meter dash. I’ll be ready next time, though.”

“Sure you will,” Yuffie agreed amiably. “Shall we get going then?”

So they continued on toward Yuffie’s home. Yuffie was in the lead for obvious reasons, but Zell was following close behind. As they walked the surfer explained Twilight Town’s general layout and the trolley system. She wanted Zell to understand so that he wouldn’t get lost in the future, especially if they got separated.

“So does that make sense?” Yuffie asked. “I mean, this is the bridge we usually get off at, so you’d better be prepared in the future.”

“Yeah, I can make this,” Zell affirmed, watching a trolley move under the bridge. “I could totally jump up from here.”

“Great,” Yuffie laughed, clapping her hands. “Let’s finish the last leg now. Home’s only a couple of blocks away.”

It didn’t take long for Yuffie and Zell to reach the apartment. As soon as Yuffie got the door open, she spotted Kairi seated at the counter. Grinning happily the ninja bounded over to her girlfriend and gave her a hug. Kairi returned it absent mindedly as she stared down at the papers before her.

“Hey Yuf,” Kairi greeted, looking up from several papers. “Do you remember spending 3,500 gil or 8,750 munny in one go on eBay? I’m about to pay our credit card bill and I can’t account for this large charge.”

‘Oh shit,’ Yuffie thought worriedly. ‘I forgot about the credit card bill! Kairi does our finances and of course she’d notice that amount. I hope she doesn’t ask what it is.’

“I mean it’s fine if you spent it and I know we can afford it,” she continued, looking at the bill again. “I just want to make certain there aren’t any fraudulent charges being made.”

Yuffie peered at the bill. “That’s the twenty-first, so yup, I bought it,” the ninja confirmed.

“Care to tell me what it was?” Kairi asked, trying not to smile.

“Ninja stuff,” Yuffie lied promptly, nodding vigorously.

“Really?” Kairi drawled, giving Yuffie The Look.

“Yeah, umm… for my dad’s dojo,” Yuffie added, inwardly cringing. “Since he always used to complain about the equipment being junk, I figured I’d replace a bit.”

Kairi nodded, accepting Yuffie’s explanation. “Hope he accepts it,” she muttered, putting the statement away. Then Kairi looked up and noticed Zell. “You must be the guy from Moogle TV,” she smiled. “I’m Kairi Hart, and you are?”

“Zell Dincht, at your service,” Zell grinned, offering a hand. Kairi took it and shook politely.

“Okay.” Yuffie clapped her hands before rubbing them together. “Now that you’ve met Kairi, I suppose a tour is in order so that you can figure out where to set the cameras and get familiar with our surroundings.”

“Good idea,” Zell agreed, setting down Ca8. He then pulled out several smaller cameras. “I can easily put a camera there—” He pointed up at a spot on the wall near the ceiling. “—and it would cover the kitchen.”

Yuffie nodded and walked into the living room. “Well, as you can see,” she started, flopping onto the couch. “When you enter the apartment the kitchen is directly to your right and the living room here is in front of you.”

“I would have thought you’d have a bigger place,” Zell mumbled as he looked around. “I mean, as a sports star, shouldn’t you have a mansion with twenty cars and rocking parties every night? Or at least a nice penthouse. I mean, that’s the sort of place most athletes keep as their off season pad.”

“And how many mansions have a ten minute commute from Twilight University?” Kairi asked, smirking slightly. “We left Tokyo because I started school here and Yuffie wanted to continue living with me.”

“I should show you the bathroom,” Yuffie declared, remembering that she was giving a tour. She slid over to a partially shut door and threw it open. Kairi winced slightly when it hit the wall. Yuffie cleared her throat, “So yeah, this is the bathroom.”

The bathroom was a pleasant room, although it lacked windows. There was a mid-sized tube built into the wall with a showerhead near the ceiling and a fish-covered shower curtain. In between the sink and toilet there was a blue rug that matched the tile’s blue and white coordination. It wasn’t a large room, but it could easily fit two people comfortably.

“I don’t want any cameras set up in there,” Kairi called out. 

Yuffie couldn’t help but smile. Like usual, the redhead was looking out for her. The surfer probably wouldn’t have thought of refusing to allow them in there, but she didn’t want cameras in her bathroom. It would be more than a little creepy to be filmed while showering and she’d have no control over where the footage went or what they’d do with it.

Since the bathroom had been shown off properly, Yuffie decided to show off the bedroom. The decorations were a mixture of traditional Japanese and tropical island. The bay window with the window seat had Paopu print curtains, while the walls were plastered with pictures of both of the women’s childhoods. A dresser’s top was covered with medals, trophies, and certificates of honor. Most of them were for surfing, but a few for martial arts and one for figure skating were mixed into the mess.

On the side of the bed with the dresser and trophies, the floor was littered with dirty clothing. Most of it was T-shirts and jeans, but Yuffie could also see other things like a dirty bath towel. On the other side of the bed by the windows there were stacks of textbooks and a few piles of notes.

“This is our bedroom,” Yuffie laughed nervously, kicking a pair of her panties under the bed. “And this is my side of the room,” she added, gesturing to the side covered with clothing.

“Hey,” Zell started, “what’s that yellow thing on the bed?”

Yuffie glanced at the bed. In the center of the bed lay a bedraggled yellow ball. From the trail of discarded feathers it was clear the ball had wiggled itself onto Yuffie’s pillow. Other molted yellow feathers were scattered across the bedspread, but in a lesser density. 

“Yuna!” Yuffie roared, grabbing the ball. The ball turned out to be a chocobo that squawked and flapped her wings violently, causing more feathers to flutter about the room. “Stay off my pillow!”

Kairi bounded into the room. “What’s wrong?” she asked worriedly. When she noticed Yuffie and the bird she calmed down considerably. “She’s just molting, Yuffie,” the redhead sighed, taking the bird out of her hands. “It’s not a very fun process for her.”

“But she’s shedding all over my pillow,” Yuffie whined.

“Molting,” Kairi corrected. “If it really bothers you that much, you can borrow mine.” She grabbed a comforter off the bed and wrapped Yuna in it before setting the bundle on the window seat. “Better now?” she asked.

“Yeah, thanks, Kairi.”

Kairi glanced at Zell. “I’m going to the post office to mail our bills,” she announced. “You got anything that needs to go?”

“Umm yeah, one for my dad,” Yuffie replied, digging a letter out of her nightstand. “I think it needs a stamp though.”

“Sure,” Kairi nodded. There was a pause. “I really don’t want any cameras in here. I change in here. If there are cameras, I’m staying at Two-K’s.”

“No Ma’am,” Zell agreed vigorously. “No cameras in the bedroom or bathroom. Moogle TV is a strictly professional company. Are there any more parts of the apartment I haven’t seen yet?”

“There’s the other bedroom,” Yuffie said thoughtfully, watching Kairi leave with the mail. “I keep most of my surfing equipment in there. Kairi also keeps old textbooks along with any of our important crap in there. Basically it’s our storage room.”

Zell shuffled over to the final bedroom and poked his head and the camera inside. “You know, you’ve got a bed in here,” he commented.

Yuffie came over and peered inside. “I think you’re right. Which makes sense, since this was originally suppose to be a guest bedroom. And I don’t think we ever got rid of Kairi’s old mattress. Wanna sleep in here? It’s gotta be better than the couch.”

Zell nodded as he turned off the camera. “I’m gonna put Ca8 away and then set up the cameras, one in the kitchen and two in the living room,” he explained. “Try not to do anything film worthy until I’m done.”

“It’ll be a challenge,” Yuffie laughed. “I’ll get my boards outta the spare room so you don’t accidentally break them.”

Yuffie spent about half an hour carting her surfing gear into the master bedroom. The largest challenge was finding space for the more fragile equipment without encroaching on Kairi’s space too badly. The ninja also moved several boxes of precious memories into the hall closet because she didn’t have any other place to put them.

‘You know if I ever end up living here full time,’ Yuffie thought, setting down the last box she was willing to move, ‘we’d need a bigger apartment. That, or else toss out some stuff. A lot of stuff.’

“Hey, Yuffie, the cameras are all set up,” Zell called out. “They’re motion activated, so that should save on power and film. Did I mention Moogle TV is reimbursing you guys for the power we use?”

“I’m certain it’s in the contract,” Yuffie said, waving a hand dismissively. The cameras probably wouldn’t contribute significantly to their power bill. She grabbed Zell by the shoulder. “We’ve got more important things to talk about. Did you know Kairi’s birthday is in a week?”

“How old is she turning?” Zell asked.

“Nineteen,” Yuffie replied, actually being serious for once. “It’s her first birthday I’ll actually be home for since we got together. I want everything to be perfect.”

“Lotta planning going into this event?”

“You’d better believe it. Two-K—that is, my buddy Rikku—is doing most of the planning while I help and give ideas. I’m flying her parents in, and her best friends are driving over from… Radiant Garden, I think.”

Zell frowned at Yuffie. “Why are you telling me all this?”

The ninja looked at him like he was stupid. “You’re going to be tailing me for a month. You’ll be seeing all of the party prep and I don’t want you to blab. It’s a surprise, duh.”

“I can keep a secret,” Zell assured.

“Good. We will have to be stealthy like my ninja forefathers. Kairi can’t suspect a thing.” The ninja lost some of her composure and reverted back to an excited girl. “It’s gonna be so awesome.”

***

After a few days Yuffie had gotten used to having Zell follow her everywhere she went. It helped pretending he was her student and she had to teach him how to do everything. Slowly, but surely, she had returned to her normal habits. They were currently riding on top of the trolley to Rikku’s new apartment. It was also Zell’s first ride on top of a trolley.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this!” Zell wailed as he struggled to hang onto the roof. He was having a hard time adjusting to this form of travel.

“Relax Zell,” Yuffie laughed. “I do this all the time.”

She stretched slightly and looked to see how Zell was doing. When she noticed how he was holding the roof, Yuffie quickly corrected him. It wouldn’t do to have her cameraman fall off a trolley going thirty miles an hour. There were another three stops before they reached the one by Rikku’s home. When they were nearing their stop Yuffie leaped and smoothly landed on the sidewalk next to the trolley. She turned around and looked up to Zell to see when he would jump. The blonde looked over the edge and shook his head, so Yuffie had to yell at him to jump, otherwise he’d be stuck up there on his own. That got Zell to move. He landed and staggered slightly before standing up.

“Chicken,” Yuffie said.

“Am not,” Zell growled.

“That was pretty wussy of you to try and get out of jumping there at the end,” Yuffie snickered.

“I jumped, didn’t I?” Zell demanded, adjusting the camera.

“And you are a better man for it,” Yuffie replied, slapping his back. “Come on, we’re almost to Two-K’s.”

“She’d better be worth that ride,” Zell grumbled.

“Oh, she is,” Yuffie promised.

Yuffie was greeted with a hug when they reached Rikku’s apartment. “I’ve gotten replies from just about everyone saying that they can come,” were the first words out of Rikku’s mouth.

“Who’s taking care of the decorations?” Yuffie asked. “That was up in the air last time I checked.”

“Olette. She found a really great deal on gold decorations and has a vision in mind,” Rikku explained. “She’s really psyched about being in on the party preparations.”

“We are keeping track of the expenses, right? Cause I have to pay everyone back and I want everything right.” Yuffie may not be the most put together person, but she did know the importance of money and record keeping, even if she didn’t always employ it.

“Pff,” Riku snorted, waving her hand. “We already decided that whatever money we put in was simply us contributing to the cause. So don’t worry about it.”

“Where is it being held?” Zell asked.

“Who’s this?” Rikku demanded, immediately suspicious.

“Zell Dinchet, meet Rikku Bikanel, or Two-K as we call her,” Yuffie introduced. “He’s my cameraman.”

“Oh,” Rikku chuckled. “I heard about that, Moogle TV, right?” She offered him her hand.

Zell nodded in confirmation and shook her hand. Yuffie cackled silently, she had noticed that Zell started blushing as soon as he had taken Rikku’s hand. After a minute the ninja coughed loudly, which caused Zell to realize he still had Rikku’s hand, so he quickly dropped it.

Rikku ushered them into her home. The girls talked for several minutes about party plans before Yuffie asked about her gift. Yuffie had stored her present for Kairi at Rikku’s house to keep Kairi from finding it. Rikku assured her that the gift was safe and she’d wrap its box when she wrapped her own gift. Yuffie and Zell hung out with Rikku for a few hours and ate a late lunch before saying goodbye.

“What did you get Kairi anyways?” Zell inquired on their ride home. At Zell’s request they were riding inside the trolley.

“It’s a secret,” Yuffie replied promptly. “Sorry. Two-K doesn’t even know what’s in the box.”

“So, what’s next on the agenda?” Zell tactfully changed the subject.

“We are going to pick up Kairi from work,” Yuffie declared. “She could use a friendly face at the moment, since work is really stressing her out.”

“Well if she needs cheering up, you’re just the person to do it,” Zell grinned. The trolley quickly got Yuffie and Zell to the right stop. Then it was only a short jog over to Kairi’s work. If Zell had only learned one thing in the past couple days, it was that Yuffie never walked.

“Hey babe,” Yuffie greeted as she strolled into Strife & Associates, Attorneys. She leaned on Kairi’s desk, which was in the main room of the law office near the front. 

Kairi looked up and smiled briefly before returning to her computer screen. She was in the middle of a sea of files and papers. Yuna waddled out to Yuffie, cheeping softly. The surfer grinned, picked up the chocobo, and set her on the last clear edge of the desk.

“So I was thinking that after you pack up we could head home. I’ll make dinner and maybe we could catch a movie… see where the night takes us,” Yuffie whispered into Kairi’s ear.

“Sorry Yuf, but I’m gonna be here a while,” Kairi sighed, continuing to type. “I’m really swamped here, since Mr. Strife is about to go on vacation and we need to wrap things up before his trip. Besides, your cooking sucks. You can only safely make three things.”

“It does not,” Yuffie retorted. “You’re just an unromantic.”

“Yuffie, I really do need to finish—oh damn,” Kairi broke off, hitting several keys hard. “I just realized that I was typing what we were saying.”

“Anything I can do?” Yuffie inquired, absently stroking Yuna’s crest.

“Do you see my messenger bag anywhere? If we’re going home I need to take some of these files home and finish there.”

Yuffie eagerly dived into the papery mess. Finding the messenger bag was harder than it sounded because there were just so many piles and Yuffie couldn’t knock any of them over. After wading through the piles for a bit and nearly toppling several stacks, Yuffie spotted the silver good luck charm she had given Kairi, which the redhead kept on her bag. Triumphantly the ninja pulled out the bag and set it gently on Kairi’s desk.

“Excellent,” Kairi smiled again. “Let me finish this report and we’ll see how much I have left.”

Time passed as Yuffie quietly waited for Kairi to finish. She and Zell ended up sitting in client chairs for the wait. After about twenty minutes of petting Yuna while waiting impatiently, Yuffie stood up and wandered over to Kairi.

“Are you done yet?” Yuffie whined, sticking her head on the desk. “I wanna go home.”

“You could take Yuna and go home on your own,” Kairi pointed out.

“Tell me, are you really still working on the same report?” Yuffie asked, giving Kairi a look.

Kairi winced and smiled sheepishly again. “Sorry, I kinda moved onto the next couple,” she apologized. “But… I’m… almost… done!”

“Really?” Yuffie asked excitedly.

Kairi nodded, “Just let me shut down.” A few seconds later the screen went black. Kairi stood up and stretched. “I’ll just shove some files in here,” she referred to the messenger bag, “sign out, and tell the boss man goodbye.”

Zell started in surprise. “Your boss is still here? But it’s—” He glanced at his watch. “—after seven.” 

“Yep,” Kairi nodded tiredly. “Mr. Strife is usually here until at least nine.” The redhead knocked on the door by her desk and then opened it. She stuck her head in the office and spoke quietly before shutting the door again. “Can you stand to wait another five minutes?”

‘How long is this really going to take?’ Yuffie silently mused. However, she didn’t voice her complaint, instead sitting down with only a slight huff, then squirmed trying to get comfortable.

Kairi sat down next to her. She picked up Yuna and snuggled into Yuffie’s shoulder. This wasn’t what the surfer was expecting. She thought Kairi had a few more errands to complete before they could leave, not that the redhead was going to sit down next to her.

“What are we doing, Kairi?” Yuffie asked.

“You know we promised to bird sit Zack and Vincent?” Kairi started. The front door of the law office opened. Link hurried into the office, giving everyone a cheerful wave. He carefully set down two pet carriers, then took off a backpack and set it down between the carriers.

“Sorry I’m late,” Link apologized, carefully checking the carriers. “I meant to be here by seven, since you normally leave around then, Kairi, but my trolley came too early. Had to wait for the next one.”

“It’s alright,” Yuffie replied, getting down by the carriers. “You’ve taken care of Yuna for us loads of times. Least we could do is repay the favor.”

Yuffie unlocked one of the carriers then opened the door. Out walked Zack, a confident back chocobo with purple eyes. He preened his wing slightly before warking at Link. The surfer moved onto the other carried and let out Vincent. He was another black chocobo, but Vincent had red eyes and lacked the bravado of his brother.

“Hey there, Vinny,” Link laughed, stroking Vincent’s beak. “You and Zack are going to be staying at Kairi and Yuffie’s for a while. You’ll even have Yuna with you.” Link turned to Kairi. “I’ve got their leashes, some toys, and treats in here. I’ve also included some cash for greens. Umm… I think it’s enough to cover the entire month, but if it isn’t, we could always wire you some more.”

“Don’t worry about it! I’m certain we can easily feed the boys,” Kairi assured. “They’ll be fine while you’re on your trip. Where are you going again?”

“We are visiting several countries in Europe,” Link said. “Cloud is going to meet my family and we will be attending my sister’s wedding. I’m the best man.”

‘Spending a month in a foreign country with the in laws… I wouldn’t want to be Spiky right now,’ Yuffie thought, shuddering.

“Wark!” Zack screeched, running to hide behind Link. A furious Yuna chased after him. She had several feathers in her beak and she was squawking up a storm. 

“What happened?” Kairi demanded, freaking out as she grabbed the livid yellow chocobo.

Link grabbed Zack and carefully inspected him. He also looked Yuna over before grinning. “That’s what you get for being fresh, Zack,” the vet admonished.

If Yuffie didn’t know better, she’d say Vincent was laughing. However, since chocobos can’t laugh, that couldn’t possibly be true. Yuna feinted another run at Zack, which caused the proud bird to run for cover. Zack even grabbed his carrier door with his beak and pulled it shut behind him so that there was a barrier between the two birds.

“I don’t think there will be any other impropriety,” Link chuckled. “Zack’s learned his lesson.”

“I should hope so,” Kairi said, glaring at Zack like Yuna.

Yuffie grinned at Vincent. She carefully pushed him back into his carrier. Kairi pulled on her messenger bag, slung the backpack over a shoulder, and then carried Yuna out of the office. Zell followed after her. Apparently Yuffie was going to carry Zack and Vincent home. 

“I’m really excited about Kairi’s party,” Link said after he was certain that the redhead was gone. “It’s just a shame that our flight means we can’t stay for very long.”

“How long will you guys have?” Yuffie asked as she locked the carriers. 

“Hour, hour and a half tops if we push it, but we really don’t want to miss our flight,” Link shrugged. He waggled his fingers in the carriers. “Bye guys, be good. I’ve got to pry papa out of his office… I swear the man must be a hermit crab or something for all his willingness to leave that bloody desk.”

As Yuffie carried Zack and Vincent out of the law firm, she couldn’t help but grin. She had way too many awesome and fun people coming to the party for it to not be fun. Kairi was going to be so pleased and surprised when this went down and the best part was that she didn’t suspect a thing.

***

“Happy Birthday to you… Happy birthday to you,” Yuffie crooned, pushing hair out of Kairi’s face. “Happy birthday, dear Kairi… Happy birthday to you.”

She couldn’t help but grin when the redhead groaned and rolled over. After trying to settle down again, Kairi sat up and glared blurry-eyed at Yuffie. It was clear she was trying to express her displeasure, but all she really looked was adorable. Yuffie just wanted to cuddle her.

“Yuffie,” Kairi groaned, “why did you wake me up at—“ She grabbed the digital clock off the nightstand. “—7:13 in the morning?”

“I wanted to wish you a happy birthday, babe,” Yuffie replied. “And to inform you that I made breakfast—”

“I don’t want food poisoning on my birthday,” Kairi wailed, burying her head in her pillow.

“—arrangements for 9:30 at a nice restaurant,” Yuffie finished, glaring. “My cooking isn’t that bad.”

“Yuffie, you insisted on cooking on your birthday last year and you gave us all food poisoning,” Kairi reminded.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Yuffie protested.

“We spent six hours in the emergency room,” Kairi continued.

“Okay fine, my cooking is terrible,” Yuffie admitted bitterly. “But if you keep acting like a smart ass, I’ll change our reservations to a place that forces all the customers to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ while they bring out flan with a candle in it.”

“Please don’t, love,” Kairi replied, kissing Yuffie gently. “I’m certain you picked a lovely place.” She flopped back onto her pillow. “What I don’t get is why you woke me up over two hours in advance.”

“Well, I was thinking we could have some fun,” Yuffie mumbled, fiddling with the hem of the sheet. No, she was not embarrassed, she just suddenly didn’t know if waking her up had been such a good idea.

“Hmm… morning sex on my birthday. Sounds fun,” Kairi thought out loud. She suddenly looked at Yuffie in concern and put her wrist to the ninja’s forehead. “Are you feeling okay, Yuffie? You’re awake and it’s before noon. Hell, you’re awake before ten and you aren’t watching cartoons. Do you have a fever?”

Yuffie batted the hand away, now feeling extremely embarrassed. “You know, once in a while there’s something really important that I’ll wake up early for,” she said hotly. “Your birthday is one of them.”

“Sorry, sorry, I shouldn’t have teased you. Really sweet of you,” Kairi smiled. The smile turned into a smirk as the redhead gave the ninja an appraising look. “You know, Yuffie, I’ll accept that offer you made earlier if you kick the birds out and lock the door.”

“Really?” Yuffie asked, surprised. Kairi nodded, so Yuffie complied.

They spent a leisurely hour in bed before getting up. After showering, dressing, feeding the birds, and the thousand other little things they had to do in the morning, they left for breakfast. Neither one remembered to wake up Zell, which was a pretty good thing since Yuffie had only made a reservation for two. Besides, she was pretty certain Kairi didn’t need a camera hovering over her shoulder yet again while she ate.

Breakfast was at a traditional Japanese teahouse. Kairi was delighted by its charm and the lack of singing. Yuffie was excited to have some of her favorite childhood foods again. Even better, it came without relatives offering unneeded guilt or advice. After they had both eaten to their hearts’ content Yuffie paid their bill and they walked home in a leisurely fashion. When they got back to their apartment they found an extremely annoyed cameraman. Zell insisted he was supposed to be following Yuffie’s every move for the time being and not simply the times she felt like it. Luckily, the leftovers originally meant for the birds put him in better spirits. Yuffie didn’t mention they were supposed to be for the birds.

The day was spent bumming about the house. Kairi curled up in a chair and read, while Yuffie checked over her surfing equipment. In the afternoon the girls and Zell took the birds for a picnic at a local park. While at the park Zack and Vincent clearly learned that Yuna was the top bird in this family. As they walked back home from the park, Yuffie noticed that Kairi was frowning. It wasn’t a large frown, but Yuffie had learned a long time ago that Kairi was great at hiding her disappointment.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Yuffie asked.

“Oh it’s nothing really,” Kairi smiled faintly as she pushed some of her hair back. “It’s just… I thought my mom would have called by now.”

‘Mrs. Hart’s probably getting off her plane in another half hour,’ Yuffie thought. She won’t be making any phone calls for a while yet. Think fast Yuffie!’

“She’s probably waiting until rates go down,” Yuffie laughed. “You know she’s got one of those cell phone plans where the cheap rate doesn’t kick in until nine and it’s only just after five right now. I’m certain our phone will be ringing off the hook as soon as the clock strikes nine tonight.”

Kairi brightened considerably. “You’re probably right, Yuf, thanks.”

Yuffie grinned back, feeling relieved. Usually Kairi saw through her lies. Either she was getting better at deception or else Kairi hoped she was right. Yuffie hoped it was the former, but suspected the latter.

When they got home again Yuffie fed the birds. Yuna seemed more than a little surprised to be getting greens so early, but the surfer had a feeling that the party would stretch well into the night and it wouldn’t do to come home to starving chocobos. Once the birds were settled for the night, Yuffie declared they should go out for dinner and a drink.

“Sounds good,” Kairi agreed. “Where do you plan on taking me?”

“I was thinking Tifa’s,” Yuffie replied. That was where the party was being held.

“You want to take me to Tifa’s. Seventh Heaven’s grill is out of order, which means that they can’t serve real food, which means no dinner.”

‘Oh great, how can I talk her into going to her own party without letting her in on the surprise?’ Yuffie wondered. ‘Think fast, Yuffie, you’re not a famous ninja for nothing… Wait a minute, why am I talking to myself when I need to come up with a plan?’

“I know what we should have,” Kairi said. “Fast food! I’ve wanted a burger and shake for a week or so now and just haven’t gotten around to getting any.”

“Great idea,” Yuffie agreed. “Then we can head over to Tifa’s, since she promised us free drinks.”

This plan was quickly executed. Two trolley rides (both, much to Zell’s distress, were on the roof) got them burgers and then to the stop nearest Seventh Heaven. Since Yuffie knew they were short on time, she managed to talk Kairi into eating on the second trolley ride. That actually made it a rather fun and exciting meal, though they did lose half the fries on the ride.

“Are you certain Seventh Heaven is open? The ‘closed’ sign is up,” Kairi pointed out.

‘Tifa did say this was going to be a private party,’ Yuffie thought. “Well even if she’s closed we’ll still get our booze, since she lives right above the shop.” Yuffie checked her watch. They were supposed to arrive three minutes ago, so everything ought to be in place. She jiggled the door, which was, of course, unlocked.

“I guess she’s open,” Kairi said uncertainly. “But if she calls the cops on us it’s your fault.”

Kairi slowly pushed open the door and stepped inside, Yuffie and Zell trailing behind her. As soon as they were through, Zell shut the door. It was extremely dark in the bar, with only the faintest light filtering in through the dark stain glass windows. Yuffie could barely make out Kairi’s outline as her girlfriend stood right in front of her

“Yuffie?” Kairi started. “Do you have any idea where the light switch is?”

The lights suddenly turn on momentarily blinding the trio. All the partygoers, who were all close friends of the girls, shouted ‘surprise!’ Kairi screamed in terror. After a moment of silence as the birthday girl looked around at the people and decorations Kairi seemed to realize what was going on and relaxed. She grimly turned to Yuffie and grabbed her shoulder.

“You know I hate surprises, right?” Kairi hissed.

“Sorry,” Yuffie whispered back. “But everybody’s here, so it’ll be a lot of fun. Look babe, this is the only way I can ever plan anything.”

“I don’t know whether to kill you or kiss you because I realize you were trying to be nice,” Kairi whispered to Yuffie as she smiled at her friends and family. She turned to the crowd. “It’s great to see everyone, really. My understanding is that this is my birthday party, but no one told me about it, so it’s a bit of a shock. So I hope everyone has lots of fun.”

This threw the party into full swing. Yuffie stuck close to Kairi so that she could get a chance to see all the guests. This was an excellent plan because every few minutes another group of friends would mob the birthday girl. The very first person to do this was her mother, who seemed intent on hugging the life out of Kairi. Sora and Riku came up at the same time, laughing at the expression on the redhead’s face.

“I was wrong about your girlfriend, Kairi,” Mrs. Hart bubbled on. “Did you know she flew your father and me up here? And you must know that she’s famous. I’ve been doing a lot of research about her on the internet.” She said ‘internet’ like it was two words.

‘Her opinion of me has really changed since I last saw her,’ Yuffie silently snickered. The laughter stopped when Mrs. Hart gave her a bone-crushing hug. 

Sora and Riku came up to Kairi and wished her a happy birthday. They also promised to come back in a few months and have a proper visit. Link and Cloud then made an appearance, but also had to say that they needed to leave shortly. Mrs. Hart was very impressed by Kairi’s boss and liked his son. Yuffie decided to not explain to Mrs. Hart that Cloud and Link’s actual relationship. Link’s genetic condition was difficult to explain and she didn’t want to leave the wrong impression with Mrs. Hart.

Several hours passed before Tifa decided that it was time to bring out the cake. The obligatory ‘Happy Birthday’ was sung off key, with Demyx’s squeaky voice soaring above the rest. The cake was handed out then quickly devoured. All that was left was the opening of presents.

There were a lot of presents. Some of the more memorable presents were the complete set of Sherlock Holmes stories translated into Japanese from Olette, a copy of the game _Dance Dance Revolution: Extreme 2_ (Yuffie wasn’t certain why it was ‘Extreme 2,’ but that’s what it said) and dance pad from Demyx, and a bottle of wine from the year Kairi was born from Tifa. Whatever Axel gave his cousin caused Kairi’s face to match her hair as she frantically shut the box before Yuffie could get a look. As Kairi opened more presents Yuffie made a mental note to look in that box from Axel as soon as she could. Finally the only present left was from Yuffie.

Yuffie eagerly waited to see what Kairi thought of it. She spent a lot of time trying to figure out what Kairi might want before stumbling upon the perfect gift. She knew Kairi would love it, but there was always that one tiny little doubt she’d hate it.

Kairi slowly unwrapped the package. Then she removed the box’s top. She couldn’t see the present yet though; the padding inside the box was in the way. Yuffie sucked in her breath; she couldn’t help feeling nervous. Kairi carefully pushed the last of the padding away and gave a small yelp.

Everyone stared at the gift in shock. Finally Mrs. Hart gave indignantly squawked, “You gave my baby girl a sword!”

Inside the box there was indeed a sword. To be exact it was a keyblade. Most of the shaft was yellow, which slowly faded into red at the top. The teeth protruded from this end and were shaped like wildflowers springing forth. The handle’s grip was blue and had a nicely curved pair of protective guards that formed a heart. A papou fruit dangled at the end of a red keychain.

Kairi carefully picked up the sword. Yuffie continued holding her breath as she waited for her reaction. The keyblade was a little frillier than she had expected. Kairi turned it over in her hands, looking at the keyblade from all angles before saying, “It’s heavier than it looks. With the delicate and… flowery design I thought it would be really light.”

“Yuffie was horrified to find out you wanted to join our school’s keydo club, but were never allowed to,” Riku said. “We also mentioned you were always jealous of the fact Sora and I were learning how to use a keyblade in combat, so I’m guessing you’re also already signed up for lessons.”

“When we come back in a few months we’ll see if you’ve actually learned anything,” Sora laughed.

“Thank you everyone. These gifts are all wonderful and amazing. Even more importantly, I had so much fun seeing you all again,” Kairi smiled at everyone before continuing. “And while all of the major events are over, we’ve still got a place to party. So you guys can stay until you get tired out or else Tifa, our fabulous hostess, kicks us out. I mean, this is her bar and she lives upstairs.”

“You can stay until two,” Tifa shouted. 

“That is, the party runs until two,” Kairi corrected.

The party did indeed last until two in the morning. However there were only a few people left by that point. Yuffie, Kairi, and Zell were sticking around to clean up. Only when Yuffie realized that the last trolley ride home was about to depart did they decide to head home. Neither girl wanted to walk all the way home, especially while tipsy. Yelling a quick goodbye to Tifa and Rikku, the girls quickly ran off to catch their trolley. Zell opted to stick around and help Rikku out.

When they finally got home Kairi and Yuffie crawled straight into bed. They didn’t take time to unpack any of the presents, although the sword managed to end up on the window seat between the chocobos.

“So, did you like my present?” Yuffie asked nervously.

“Yuffie,” Kairi replied tiredly. “You are the only person in the world that would even think of giving me a freaking sword for my birthday.”

Yuffie was silent. Kairi wasn’t using a very happy tone. ‘Maybe I should have gotten her those high heels after all,’ she thought unhappily.

Kairi whispered something, but Yuffie wasn’t certain what she said. She leaned in trying to keep the worried frown off her face and asked her to repeat herself.

“Thank you for being the quirky, surprising, unusual, funny, wonderful woman that you are. That I love. That would buy me a freaking sword for my birthday,” Kairi laughed, throwing her arms around Yuffie. “Don’t ever change.”

“I guess you did like it,” Yuffie grinned.

“Yes I did,” Kairi agreed. “Now go to sleep you big dope. We’ve got to get up in the morning.”

Yuffie grinned happily into her pillow. ‘Mission accomplished,’ she thought happily. ‘I gave Kairi a great present, a cool party, and an awesome day. Now I’m gonna start teaching her how to use that keyblade tomorrow. Kairi’s gonna be so excited… I can’t wait for tomorrow.’ Yuffie fell asleep shortly after that, lulled to sleep by the sound of Kairi’s breathing. That was exactly how it should be.


	13. Ice Cream and a Chocobo Show

“Come on, come on… Damn it!” Kairi groaned, thumping her hand against the glass pane.

After waking up late, which caused her to miss breakfast and forget her wallet at home, Kairi was hungry. Once she was on campus she scrounged through the bottom of her backpack for any spare change. There was just enough for a lime Tonberry, ‘so tasty you’ll die,’ popsicle. Since that was her favorite kind of ice cream and the day was already off to a rough start Kairi immediately spent her money on that. Ice cream always made a situation better.

As the machine finished turning to drop her treat, her popsicle didn’t fall. The edge of the wrapper caught on the top of the ring, leaving the bar hanging in the air. It swung slightly, taunting the redhead. She pounded the glass again to no effect, so she tried stronger tactics. Unfortunately, she couldn’t shake the machine enough to make her treat fall down, which left her frustrated and hungry.

“I see you’re cozying up to my favorite machine.”

Kairi jumped slightly. She hadn’t expected anyone to see her hugging the ice cream machine. “Hey, Roxas,” she said, recognizing her friend. “Can you help me out?”

Roxas pushed her aside. He peered into the machine. “You’re a Tonberry fan, eh?” he observed, pulling out a fistful of coins. “No accounting for taste.”

“Tonberry is the only company that makes a decent lime popsicle,” she said defensively.

“Well, as luck would have it,” Roxas started, feeding his munny into the machine, “you picked the treat under my favorite snack.” 

He punched in the code for Scrooge McDuck’s Sea Salt Ice Cream. The machine hummed with a new vibrancy. The metal ring turned quickly to push out the sea salt ice cream and let it fall. As it fell it hit the Tonberry popsicle, but only sent the treat swinging instead of dislodging it.

“Don’t worry about it,” Roxas assured Kairi when he saw her disappointed look. “I usually buy about four or five of these things at a time. We’ll knock your Tonberry down.”

After the fifth sea salt ice cream dropped, the Tonberry came down too. Kairi eagerly pulled her popsicle out and held the flip open for Roxas retrieve his own. While Roxas brought his total frozen treat count up to eight Kairi pulled the seams of her wrapper open on one end, blew into the bag, and then pulled her popsicle out. That was the only way to keep a Tonberry from sticking. Normally Kairi would just suck on it, but she was hungry and eagerly bit into her bar enjoying the citrus taste. Roxas glanced at the vending machine one more time before jerking his head for Kairi to follow him.

They walked for a little while until they had made it into one of Twilight U’s undergraduate lounges. Olette was already seated next to a floor lamp with a mess of textbooks surrounding her. Roxas tossed her an ice cream and sat down between the books. He shoved Olette’s book of Greek myths over so that there was space for his ice cream pile. Kairi squatted down next to a battered Chemistry book.

“Hey, Kairi,” Olette greeted her. She grabbed a bar and ripped off the packaging. “Thanks Roxas. Oh, where did you guys run into each other?”

“Vending machine,” Roxas said through a mouthful of sea salt. “The old girl was giving Kairi a hard time.”

“You’ve personified the vending machine?” Kairi asked, dropping her licked clean stick back into its wrapping.

Roxas smiled, slightly embarrassed. “Axel’s rubbing off on me.”

“I hear that’s not all he’s been doing,” Olette teased. “Weren’t you just saying the other day that he grabbed you by the—“

“This line of conversation is ending now,” Kairi interjected. Roxas grinned gratefully at her. “I don’t mind hearing about Roxas’s sex life, but when you throw my cousin into the mix, I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Holy cow! You’re already done with your ice cream,” Roxas said in surprise. “I haven’t even finished my first one yet.”

“I woke up so late this morning that I didn’t have time for breakfast,” Kairi explained. “Actually, I didn’t even have time to change. I’m just glad I wore something presentable to bed.”

“I was wondering why you were wearing flannel with stars all over it,” Olette said.

“They’re papou fruits.”

“Here.” Roxas handed Kairi a sea salt ice cream despite her protests. “Just take it,” he said. “I don’t need to gorge myself on seven bars; six is enough.”

“Thanks Rox,” Kairi smiled, taking a bite of her second bar.

They ate in silence. Olette and Kairi finished their ice cream bars at roughly the same time. Roxas took slightly longer to finish, but then again he was also eating six bars. He belched happily as he set down the final stick.

“Pig,” Olette grinned. She turned to Kairi and asked, “Do you want to go out with me and Roxas tonight? We’re going to see a musical.”

“ _The Wizard of Oz_ ,” Roxas clarified. “The theater students have supposedly done an awesome job with it. It starts at seven.”

“Thanks, but I can’t,” Kairi said. “I’ve got work, an English oral exam, and I’m hoping to call Yuffie tonight. I think she’s in Atlantis right now.”

“Some other time then?” Olette asked.

“Definitely,” Kairi promised. “Soon as winter break starts we could go catch _As You Like It_ or something.”

“Ah, break,” Roxas sighed. “Can’t believe it’s only three weeks away. Soon as break starts, I’m gonna kick Axel’s ass in our traditional snowball war. I’ve got a great fortress planned out this year.”

“I still can’t believe it snows here,” Kairi laughed. “Coming from tropical islands means that I find the current weather terribly frigid.”

“But it’s only 40ºF outside. That’s still above freezing,” Olette insisted. “We haven’t even had our first snow yet.”

Kairi stuck her tongue out at the brunette. “It’s cold and that’s that,” she said, getting up from her seat. “Thanks for breakfast, Roxas, you’re my hero. I’ll see you guys later, okay? I have to visit Professor Wise.” She left as they waved farewell.

***

“Okay I think we’re actually done now,” Kairi sighed in relief.

She and Cloud were in the process of going through a mock trial Cloud had created. After finishing her normal work, Kairi was learning tips and proper conduct. Today Kairi had been her listening skills and how to pinpoint flaws in the opposition’s argument on the fly. She still had a ways to go before even starting law school, but Cloud wanted to give Kairi an edge for when she got to that stage in her education. She also thought he found the activity fun. 

“We’re not actually finished,” Cloud corrected, “but I guess this will do for now.”

“Finally,” the redhead said, shoveling all of her things into a bag. She then pulled out Yuna’s leash and harness before looking for her chocobo.

“You do know that I don’t have to share my experience,” he said reproachfully.

“Sorry,” Kairi apologized. “It’s just, it’s after nine and I had a bad morning. I have no idea how you manage getting up early enough to be here before seven after working late every night.”

“Next week make certain that you have some decent questions for the witness. Remember, you’re trying to prove that our defendant intentionally tampered with the car’s brakes to murder his wife.”

“I need to get a mechanic and talk to the neighbor… Mr. Z?” Kairi looked at her notes. She’d be digging through the fifty or so interviews Cloud had written up for the mock trial. As with real interviews most of the people were completely useless, but it was Kairi’s job to find the pertinent information. The fact he had gone so overboard with creating the world building for this project was why Kairi suspected Cloud really enjoyed this.

“That should be everything,” Cloud agreed. He looked at Yuna before looking at Kairi again. A queasy look crossed his face as he shifted uncomfortably.

“Is there something wrong, boss?” Kairi asked. Cloud looked like he was in pain.

“I need to ask you an inappropriate question,” he finally said.

Kairi blinked. That was an odd statement for Cloud to make. Their relationship was professional. Cloud had always seemed utterly disinterested in Kairi’s personal life and despite the fact she was a friend of his lover. He wouldn’t even know where Kairi lived if he didn’t need to mail her pay stubs and considered asking what her middle initial stood for inappropriate.

“Okay,” Kairi slowly agreed. “However, I reserve the right to refuse to answer.”

Cloud nodded in agreement. “Has Yuna ever …ever…” He waved his hand vaguely, trying to get his question across without words.

“Has she ever what?” Kairi asked.

Making scissoring motions in the air Cloud tried again. “Have you ever had her… her oviduct cut or tied, or whatever they do to birds?”

Kairi blinked again. She wasn’t certain if she had heard him correctly. Asking if Yuna—who spent a lot of time in his law firm—was spayed did not seem like an inappropriate question. She certainly wouldn’t want any birds laying eggs in her office. 

“Are you asking if Yuna was spayed?” Kairi asked. “The answer to that is yes, just a few weeks after I got her.”

Cloud sagged in relief. Giving her a weak smile he nodded. “Good to know.”

“Why did you want to know?” Kairi asked. “And why couldn’t you have asked Link? He is Yuna’s vet.”

“Link wanted to know, but since he’s interested for a reason not specific to her care he’s refusing to look in her file,” Cloud explained. “I understand the need to protect doctor-patient privileges, however I do not believe it necessarily extends to the veterinarian-patient relationship in this circumstance. In any case I wish he asked you himself.”

“Odd,” Kairi said, deciding that she should talk to Link the next day. Cloud simply shrugged before locking up the law firm.

Kairi and Yuna caught a ride home. When they got home Kairi checked the messages. There was one from Yuffie in which the ninja babbled happily about the current competition and how Aerith was as big as a house now from her pregnancy. Unfortunately, it was too late for the college student to call her girlfriend back. The time difference between Twilight Town and Atlantis was too great.

‘I’ll have to call her back in the morning,’ she thought.

After eating a salad, Kairi worked on her homework. Her paper wasn’t due for another two weeks, but she wanted to have a week for editing and revisions. She took a shower and packed a lunch so that she wouldn’t have to rush in the morning. Then, cuddling with Yuna in bed, Kairi promised to buy herself another alarm clock.

***

A few days later Kairi had Link over for tea and a play date for the birds. She had yet to learn why Link wanted to know if Yuna could lay fertilized eggs. She didn’t have a clue why he would care about that information, but she was interested in knowing why he did. Arranging this play date meant she could interrogate him while giving Yuna a chance to socialize. 

“This really is excellent tea!” Link said, licking his lips as he set down his teacup. “What is it? There’s a strong vanilla taste, however I also sense some fainter lingering notes.”

“It’s vanilla nut crème tea,” Kairi said. “Thank you for bringing this lovely tea set. I know we have a traditional Japanese set somewhere, but I’m not certain how much of it is left after Axel tried juggling it.”

“Goddesses above,” Link moaned rubbing his temples. “That poor tea set. How could anyone be so cruel?”

Yuna and Zack came racing in with Vincent trailing behind. This was the fastest Kairi ever saw her chocobo move, even faster than when she chased Yuffie around the house. It was good her bird was finally getting a decent amount of exercise. Sometimes Kairi worried Yuna was too much of a couch potato, especially when she was too busy to regularly take her to the park.

“You’ve got a beautiful little bird there,” Link said, watching Yuna flutter up onto the back of a chair. “She’s one of the best birds I ever bred.”

“That reminds me,” Kairi started, grateful that she could finally ask him. “Why were you asking about Yuna the other day?”

“Oh, that,” Link laughed sheepishly. “Well, as you know I used to be a breeder, but I got out of the business when Cloud and I moved to Twilight Town. Even though I’m no longer practicing, I’m still part of the community. A couple of days ago, a particularly asinine breeder insulted my competency yet again. It’s childish, but I want to show one of the last birds I bred to prove him wrong.”

“If you wanna show Yuna, you’re welcome to,” Kairi offered.

Link shook his head. “Birds have to be unaltered to be shown. That’s one of the key differences between show birds and family birds.”

Kairi bit her lip in thought. She vaguely remembered all the chocobos in the pen with Yuna. There had been so many different colored birds running about the pen. However, she had no clue which of the birds had been sold and to whom. Vincent climbed into her lap and looked up at Kairi and looked up at her with his red eyes. That jogged something in her memory.

“Funky colors,” Kairi said with a start. “There was a pink bird?”

“Marluxia, a rather idiotic bird from a poor cross,” Link explained dryly. “I named him after a breeder with a lot of similar qualities. He would be a terrible show bird, though my colleague who cares for him now says the chocobo makes is a wonderful mascot for his department.”

‘Who else do I know owns a chocobo?’ Kairi thought. “I think Professor Grey has one that eats his ties.”

“A tie eating chocobo must have some neglect issues,” Link said worriedly. “Zack used to eat Cloud’s ties until Vinny and I moved in.”

“Really? I think the bird has a companion though,” Kairi said, starting to remember more about the bird. “It was weird though. One of the birds was named Zexion, like my professor.”

“I’ve got it,” Link grinned. “Zexion and Demyx. Gray and dirty blonde males that I know weren’t sold to a Zexion Grey.”

“No, they belong to Demyx, his boyfriend,” Kairi finished triumphantly. “It was weird because the birds and humans corresponded to each other and even looked similar. Or at least that’s what Yuffie told me.”

“That’s right,” Link laughed. “Zexion would be great for showing. Demyx’s comb was irregularly formed so he wouldn’t meet qualifications, but Zexion could work well. He’s even bred from the Trickster line, like Yuna there. They were from the same hatching.”

Kairi pulled up her contacts list. Flipping through she found an entry for Demyx (and Zexion). Not wanting to even chance getting her old chemistry professor, she called Demyx’s cell. He answered on the fourth ring.

“Look Zexy, I’m sorry but you’re not getting back your favorite fountain pen until you agree to meet my parents,” was the man’s greeting.

“Umm, Dem, this is Kairi, Yuffie’s girlfriend, remember?” Kairi said.

“Kairi! Oh, wow I thought you were someone else,” Demyx laughed.

“I never would have guessed,” Kairi said dryly.

“Sorry,” Demyx said again. “So what can I do ya for?”

“Do you remember where you got your chocobos?”

“Yeah, it was this cute little kid with three birds for sale. I bought Zexy and Dem from him. He was our vet for a while… actually I think he still might be, but the birds haven’t been in to the vet’s in ages. Little Zexy always seems to know when I’m planning on taking him. He absconds to his hiding spot and drags Little Dem along. I still haven’t found it.”

Kairi smiled at the image of Demyx being outwitted by a chocobo. Demyx was a nice and fairly intelligent guy, but he tended to lose things. That seemed to include chocobos. Little Zexy probably just blended into his couch and hid in plain sight.

“Link, Dr. Kokiri, is now trying to track down those chocobo,” she said.

“Why’s he doing that?”

“He’s hoping to show one of his old birds in a contest to regain his honor as a breeder. I thought one of yours might work.”

“Would Zexy have any chance of actually winning?” Demyx had instinctively realized which bird was more likely to place in a show. “I won’t have his confidence getting ruined.”

‘If he’s anything like the real Zexion there’s nothing to worry about,’ Kairi thought privately, but she repeated Demyx’s concern out loud for Link to hear. At the doctor’s silent affirmations, she said, “Yeah, Link thinks he’ll win.”

“I’m in,” Demyx agreed. “Zexy—my boyfriend, not our bird—says I need a hobby so helping Little Zexy win a bird show is just the perfect thing.”

“Great,” Kairi said before hanging up. Then turning to Link she said, “We’ve got ourselves a show bird.”

***

Link launched a chocobo training program for Little Zexy the next day. For two and a half weeks Kairi spent her spare time with Demyx and Link as they trained Zexion the chocobo. During this time Little Zexy, Little Dem, Yuna, Zack, and Vincent were practically inseparable. 

Kairi couldn’t believe how much progress occurred. Little Zexy, who completely ignored Demyx even when he begged the bird to come to him with treats, went through hoops and put puzzles together for Link. Demyx would have been jealous about the relationship between Link and Little Zexy, but the vet was also teaching Demyx how to get the chocobo to listen.

Link took Little Zexy in for registration three days before the show just before the deadline. Kairi was shocked to see that the chocobo show was being held in the sports stadium. As they waited in line, Link explained that chocobo racing was the second most popular sport around and so mini chocobo, like Yuna and the others, were extremely popular as pets and show animals.

As they were leaving registration, Link was shoved hard enough he fell down. He had still been smiling as he got back to his feet, but when Link saw who pushed him, he scowled at the pink haired man who had pushed him down. The pink haired man glared back at Link. They must have known each other.

“I’m so sorry, Link,” the man drawled as he looked at his nails. “But you can’t honestly expect me to be looking for someone only knee high.”

“Marluxia,” Link growled. “It’s such a surprise to see you.”

“Is it now?” Marluxia asked, smirking. “I thought I was the one who stayed in the breeding business. Breeding chocobos really isn’t something children should do.”

“I’m the child?” Link laughed in disbelief. “I believe I’m the only one here with a DVM specializing in avian and equines care.”

“What are equines?” Demyx whispered to Kairi, clutching Little Zexy.

“Horses,” Kairi whispered back, not taking her eyes off the verbal catfight. “And avian means bird.”

Marluxia snorted and flapped his hand in the air. “Like an itty bitty scrap of paper really makes that big of a difference, Linkykins.”

“That scrap of paper represents four years of veterinary school!”

“At the toughest school around before going on to intern for the great mystical Chocobo Sage. Yes, yes, we know. I don’t care that you spent several years in a slum city before spending even more time with a doddering old fool. All you really did was stay in school like a good little boy and care for the elderly, like the good little Cub Scout you are.”

“I’m not a Cub Scout,” Link mumbled, completely ignoring all the other insults.

“You’re right, my apologizes,” Marluxia simpered, a hand over his mouth. He leaned over so that he could look Link in the eye. “A big boy like you isn’t in the Cub Scouts, you’re a Boy Scout.”

“Did you even bring a bird?” Link snapped.

“Oh honey, my little Queenie and I registered yesterday. Where’s your bird, Link?”

Link pointed proudly at Little Zexy in Demyx’s arms. “That is Zexion fa Illiastan de Germanium, of the direct Trickster line.”

Marluxia looked impressed. “How the devil did you manage a direct cross with the Trickster line?” he demanded, peering at Little Zexy. “They’re fucking impossible to breed with.” He waggled a finger in the chocobo’s face. “Coochie coochie coo.”

Little Zexy didn’t seem to like Marluxia or his finger. To show this fact he bit the offered digit. Screaming in pain the pink haired man jerked back. Little Zexy however, was still connected to the finger, so he went with the finger. As the breeder waved his hand about, the gray chocobo went flying after it.

“Zexy!” Demyx screamed, lunging after the bird.

Kairi was about to rush into the fray when she felt a hand on her shoulder. “Let’s let them fight it out for a moment, shall we?” a woman purred into Kairi’s ear. She ran a couple of fingernails across Kairi’s petrified face. 

“Larxene?” Kairi squeaked. She wasn’t expecting to run into Axel’s friend here at a chocobo competition. 

“Hmm?” Larxene looked at her. “Do I know you?”

“No sir. We’ve met at Axel’s house once, but that’s it.”

“Ah, how’s the idiot been?”

“He’s fine, busy with his boyfriend,” Kairi said. She winced when a high-pitched scream emitted from the group.

“Is he?” Larxene glowered. “I didn’t know he had one. Little weasel didn’t mention he had a new fuck toy when I last saw him a week ago. I’ll need to inspect the boy then.” She floated over to Marluxia and wrapped an arm around his neck. The giant breeder instantly stilled at her touch. “Marly, it’s time to visit Axel. Say goodbye to your friends,” she ordered.

Demyx gently pulled Little Zexy off Marluxia’s finger. Link reached over and petted the chocobo’s head protectively. All three of them glared at Marluxia. Marluxia glared back.

“This isn’t over,” he hissed, following Larxene out the building.

‘I am so sorry I mentioned you to her, Roxas,’ Kairi silently apologized as she watched the pair leave. When she turned to the others, she noticed that Link was crying. “Hey,” she started, wrapping an arm around Link’s shoulders. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I shouldn’t be crying,” Link said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, “but I hate him so much.”

“Who was that ass?” Demyx demanded, trying to calm his chocobo down.

After running a hand over his face the vet said, “That was Marluxia, jackass extraordinaire. We were in vet school together until I caught him cheating off of one of my tests. I called him on it publically and he was eventually thrown out for it.” Link shook his head, still crying. “I’m sorry you guys, I just can’t deal with him.”

“Is he why we’re entering Zexy in the bird show?” Kairi asked. Link nodded.

“We are going to kick that guy’s bird’s ass!” Demyx announced. He looked at his chocobo and repeated the statement. Little Zexy cheeped in agreement.

Demyx and Little Zexy left shortly after that. They wanted to run through the routine a few more times before the contest. Kairi, feeling that Link wouldn’t want to cry in front of his associates, took him to a nearby café. By the time their orders arrived Link had regained control of his emotions.

“I’m sorry I put you through that terrible display,” Link apologized.

“It’s fine, really,” Kairi assured, “I just don’t get why that jerk got you crying. Was it the little kid jokes? They seemed to really bug you, but I’m certain there have been a lot of jokes like that in your life.”

Link shook his head. “I met Marluxia when I moved into my dorm room as a very young freshmen,” he recounted. “He was the first friend I made in this country and also the person who initially introduced me to chocobos. Before that I only had experience with horses.”

“So he was the guy who got you into chocobos?”

“Yeah, he used to take me to the chocobo tracks and even introduced me to Cloud. Believe it or not, but Cloud was a decent jockey in his younger days. He looked great in those tight white pants. Marluxia was my best friend and I trusted him completely. It wasn’t until vet school that I found out he had been using me since the beginning.”

“That must have been awful.”

“I still haven’t fully gotten over it, which is rather pathetic,” Link said resignedly, shrugging. “He still knows how to push all my buttons even though it’s been years.”

“I’m so sorry, Link,” Kairi said, touching his hand.

“In the past I’ve tried to avoid him, but I’m tired of running scared. Even though I know I’m better than he is—I’ve never cheated or cut corners—I don’t think I’ll ever actually believe that until I actually beat him at something,” Link explained. “This is why I need to win, to prove that I truly am better than he is,” 

‘He has an inferiority complex just like Sora had until he finally beat Riku in a sword competition,’ Kairi thought. She decided to do whatever she could to build up his confidence. “Even if we don’t take first place, we are going to beat Marluxia. Now let’s get you home.”

***

Link and Demyx were hyperventilating. Little Zexy’s performance was in less than ten minutes. Kairi didn’t know she could do to help. Taking a deep breath Kairi grabbed both men by the shoulders and ordered them to shut up, calm down, and prep Little Zexy. Her order must have worked, because they were able to follow her instructions. Seeing that Link and Demyx now had things under control, Kairi returned to her seat with Yuffie and Yuna. Yuffie, who had just gotten home last night, kissed Kairi as the redhead sat down.

“So they’ll be going on soon?” the ninja asked.

“Next act,” Kairi nodded.

There was a polite round of clapping as the last chocobo left the ring. Then Little Zexy entered as his formal show name was announced. A whisper of excitement passed through the crowd around the girls over the connection to the Trickster line. Link strode into the ring after the chocobo with Demyx nervously following behind him.

“Is there something important about this Trickster thing?” Yuffie asked, absently petting Yuna. Kairi nodded.

“From what I gather the Trickster was a really famous chocobo, named after a legendary chocobo. He won all sorts of awards and competitions, which made birds of his line highly sought after commodities. Zexion is from that stock, which is why his name includes ‘fa Illiastan’ to showcase this lineage,” Kairi explained.

Zexion the chocobo looked confident as he began his routine. First the chocobo ran through the compulsory obstacle course every bird was expected to transverse. He leaped through the hoops, crossed a tightrope, and climbed a ladder before sliding down a slide. After he finished the obstacle course, the grey chocobo put together a hundred piece puzzle depicting a boat on the ocean in under three minutes. Every one of Little Zexy’s actions were displayed on a the stadium’s massive screens so that all the observers could see.

As the chocobo finished the puzzle Demyx pulled out a plastic fish bowl full of slips of paper. He fished out one of the slips. “Hey, Zexy,” Demyx called out to get the bird’s attention. Once Little Zexy focused on him, Demyx read, “What is three plus three?”

Little Zexy warked six times while he scratched a ‘V’ and then an ‘I’ with a piece of chalk onto a chalkboard. There was a murmuring through the crowd. People whispered around the girls that the trick couldn’t possibly be true.

“One plus eight,” Link read. This got Little Zexy to cheep out nine times and scratch a roman numeral nine.

They did this several times and Little Zexy answered each math problem correctly. Then to prove this wasn’t a cheap memorization trick, Link had the announcer, who had never seen the chocobo before, ask Zexion a simple math question. The chocobo answered it flawlessly. This made the crowd go ecstatic. They had a real mathematician in the ring.

“Khew, khew!” Yuna cheeped, fluttering happily. Kairi laughed at her chocobo’s enthusiasm.

All of a sudden Queen of Hearts, Marluxia’s red chocobo, hopped into the ring. She warked violently at Zexion several times. Whatever she yelled at him made the grey chocobo puff up angrily. Then Queen of Hearts tossed Little Zexy a deck of cards. He pulled open the deck and spread the contents all out face up.

“Oh shit,” Kairi swore when she saw Little Zexy messing around with the cards.

“What is it? What’s wrong, babe?”

“We didn’t teach him anything about cards. Link didn’t think that card tricks would be needed; none of us expected a card duel.”

It appeared that the birds had decided to create buildings. Queen of Hearts quickly started building with her heart only deck. Building palaces was her signature move. Little Zexy however, was having problems. He had never tried to pick up a card, much less put together a house made of cards.

Kairi fretted. Queen of Hearts’s creation was getting more and more impressive as Zexion fell behind. After a little while the grey chocobo stopped working entirely and simply watched the red chocobo work. This contest wasn’t part of the official competition, but she was certain that the judges would include this display in their final decision about Zexion.

‘Come on, Zexy,’ she though, barely believing she was actually thinking this, ‘kick that little harlot’s feathery fanny.’

Moments after that thought Little Zexy picked up a card. With new vigor the silver-grey chocobo started building. Copying the motions the other chocobo used, Zexion managed to get two cards to stand upon their own. Seeing that it stood properly, Zexion crept over to the side of the ring and stole another stack of cards before actually starting his project. Ten minutes passed before the chocobos stepped away from their respective masterpieces.

Queen of Hearts built a castle. It was maybe three cards high at its highest points, but the majority of the structure was two cards high. All the cards were hearts in the traditional red format, and they weren’t arranged in any particular order. It was glaringly red, although every now and then there was a card with the back accidentally showing. All in all it was an impressive structure; just like the one she built earlier during her routine.

Little Zexy’s building looked more like a pagoda than a castle. It was a thin structure, unlike the castle, and consisted of card pyramid stacked upon card pyramid, stacked thirteen layers high. This was more than twice Little Zexy’s height. Four cards covered the underlying supportive skeleton for each layer similar to the way a skyscraper hid its steel beams.

While the structure itself wasn’t that interest, the exciting part of Little Zexy’s building that made it so unusual was that the bottom layer was made of aces, the second twos, and this pattern continued all the way up to the thirteenth floor being kings. Each layer also alternated between red and black. Little Zexy started with the aces of clubs and spades for the bottom layer, then switched to diamonds and hearts for twos, and continued the pattern all the way up the structure. This was an extremely meticulous feat that couldn’t have occurred by accident. Kairi found it even more impressive since she knew the bird had never held a card before in his life.

The judges got up from their table to inspect their creations. Kairi felt that Little Zexy’s was the better one, but she was biased. As the judges circled round and took notes, one of them tripped and fell between the structures. The force of his fall created a wind that toppled Queen of Hearts’ castle. Zexion pagoda swayed a bit and lost a few of the superfluous cards, but the structure remained sound. The crowd burst into cheers.

There were a few more contestants after Little Zexy, but none put on much of a show. They seemed to already know they were beaten. After the last bird waddled out of the ring, the judges huddled into a conference. The audience started whispering among themselves.

“That was pretty cool,” Yuffie said.

“Totally,” Kairi agreed, taking Yuna. “I really hope Zexion fa Illiastan wins. It would be a shame if he didn’t after all that work. It was amazing to see him build that card tower. Link never taught him any card tricks.”

“Then how did he build that tower?”

“My bet is that he learned by watching Queen of Hearts,” Kairi said. “Dem did say Little Zexy was smart… maybe I didn’t give either of them enough credit and that bird really does have a secret hiding place.”

“Now you’re starting to sound like me,” the ninja laughed. The redhead stuck out her tongue at her girlfriend, as that was the only suitable response.

The announcer informed the audience that the judges had made a decision. The crowd fell silent, waiting for the results. The three of them eagerly held their breath. All of a sudden a light blue chocobo appeared on the wide screen. There was a blue ribbon on the bird’s breast and the name underneath it was Snowdrop upon Ivilace por Zolomkey.

“That isn’t Zexy,” Yuffie said, pointing out the obvious.

Kairi shook her head, trying not to cry. She hadn’t known about the contest for very long, but it hurt not to see Zexion win. He had performed amazingly. ‘Demyx and Little Zexy are going to be disappointed,’ she thought. ‘Link is going to be crushed. He really wanted to win. I hope he still manages to place above Marluxia’s bird.’

Then the screen changed to show a silvery-gray chocobo with a red ribbon. The bird had rather an aloof expression on his face as his breeder and owner hugged him ecstatically. The name underneath it read Zexion fa Illiastan de Germanium.

While Little Zexy was on screen, Little Dem suddenly fluttered on screen. To the gray bird’s mortification, Little Dem started preening him in the middle of his moment of triumph. A chuckle ran through the crowd. He tried to chase the other bird away, but Little Dem ignored his protests and didn’t stop preening Little Zexy until he deemed him acceptable.

“Holy shit!” Yuffie crowed, leaping up from her seat. “Those guys really did it! Zexy! Zexy!”

Laughing at her girlfriend’s exuberance, Kairi couldn’t help feeling a little embarrassed. Yuffie had drawn the attention of everyone in their general vicinity. Still, no one was complaining and both bird and girl were having fun, so Kairi decided to just go with the flow.

After the first ten birds were announced with their picture, the rest of the names and placement were quickly scrolled through. The announcer also stated that the rankings would be posted online and thanked the contestants for their participation. That signaled the end of the show. Before the announcer finished speaking the audience already began leaving en mass. Kairi and Yuffie hung back until the crowd thinned so that they could meet up with Link and Demyx. Once they met up Kairi hugged both the boys and congratulated them on their win.

As the group left the stadium, Marluxia stormed up to them. “You little bitch!” he snarled before lunging at Link.

Link flinched expecting to have a tall angry man ripping up his face. Kairi, Yuffie, and Demyx all surged forward to try and stop Marluxia. He never caught Link though. Cloud had suddenly appeared and instantly restrained the enraged breeder.

“If you dare touch him,” Cloud said. “I will rip out every single hair on your head.”

“Let me go!” Marluxia bellowed, struggling to get free. Cloud shoved him against the wall again.

“Thank you, Cloud,” Link said, breathing heavily. He stepped back so that both Cloud and Demyx were between him and Marluxia.

“That bastard stole my Queenie’s fame. She would have won if he hadn’t messed things up!”

“Marluxia, shut up. You’re making a scene,” Larxene ordered.

Kairi turned to see Larxene swagger up to the group. In one hand she swung two leashes. Attached at the opposite end of each leash was a spiked collar. One was wrapped tightly around Axel’s neck and the other around Roxas. Axel looked a little green, but Roxas’s face was bright red as he shook slightly. When Marluxia saw her, he stopped struggling immediately. Kairi was again amazed by the power Larxene had over men.

“I thought I only needed two collars,” Larxene sighed, shaking her head. “Guess I was wrong. Axel, I’m unhooking you since pinky seems to need it more.”

“If you even think of leaving me alone with her, you’ll never have sex again,” Roxas hissed, livid. Axel blanched, but took Roxas’ hand.

Seeing that Roxas had his claws firmly in Axel, Larxene unhooked the collar from the redhead’s neck. In one swift motion Larxene snapped the collar around Marluxia’s neck then buckled it shut. Then she slapped him twice for good measure. He didn’t move and simply took the abuse silently.

“I thought you were mature enough to be left alone while I talked with Axel,” she said. “When I get back I find you fighting. You were only alone for two hours. Do you have anything to say?”

“No, mistress?”

“When I tell you to be a good little boy, does that mean you should get into fights that could make you lose your license and my source of income?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No, mistress,” Marluxia hastily corrected.

Larxene tightened the collar. She smirked at Kairi and others. “Don’t bother getting dear little Marly in trouble with the law. The cops are such a bore and I assure you they could never punish him as well as I will. Fire Crotch, get the bird!”

Kairi twitched, squelching the urge to slap Larxene. She noticed Axel leaped forward and grabbed the bird carrier with Queen of Hearts in it. Realizing that Larxene was actually referring to her redheaded cousin, Kairi managed to stop her girlfriend from socking the blonde. When Yuffie also realized that the “Fire Crotch” was Axel, she calmed down.

If Larxene noticed this exchange, she didn’t say anything and simply left dragging the men behind her. The entire group seemed to let out a sigh of relief. After bidding Link, Demyx, Cloud, and the birds farewell, the girls left for home. The guys planned to celebrate their win, but Kairi just wanted to go home and stay in with her girlfriend. Yuffie was more than willing to accommodate her, even if she did normally like a good party.

“You game for a movie?” Yuffie asked when they got home.

“What movie?” Kairi asked.

“ _The Birds._ ”

“Sure, as long as our darling doesn’t get any ideas,” Kairi said, glancing at Yuna.

Yuna just cheeped innocently as Yuffie stuck in the film. She was a good innocent little chocobo. They all watched the film with rapt attention as the tension mounted. When the film finally ended they were all so keyed up that none of them could possibly sleep. Still, Kairi suggest they at least try, to which Yuffie replied that she’d rather Yuna chase her like in _The Birds_ than sleep. This sent the chocobo into an attack and as Yuffie fled to the kitchen she insisted she hadn’t been serious. She was laughing as she protested though, so Kairi was fairly certain Yuffie wasn’t being serious. As the reenactment progressed it morphed into the pair playing hide-and-seek in the kitchen cabinets. The redhead watched all of this in amusement.

‘They’re crazy, but I’ll keep them,’ Kairi thought, smiling fondly. ‘Life wouldn’t be half as fun without them.’


	14. Visitors and Speed Skating

As the ferry bumped against the dock Yuffie vomited over the rail again. Whenever she wasn’t in control of her own motion she developed terrible motion sickness at the slightest turbulence. That was why Yuffie preferred to drive whenever possible. At least for once she wasn’t the only one with her head over the railing.

“Are you alright, honey?” Leon asked, rubbing Aerith’s back.

Yuffie nearly vomited again. Hearing Squall Leonhart, the man who would have shot Lassie without a thought, using terms of endearment was sickening. Last night the ninja-surfer accidentally walked in on Leon cooing at his unborn child. At least, that’s what she assumed he was doing. It actually looked more like Leon cooing to Aerith’s bellybutton. Now the memory was seared onto Yuffie’s brain and she couldn’t stop replaying it.

“I’m alright, Leon,” Aerith said. “I just wish I had known morning sickness lasted past the first trimester and could hit at any time.” Morning sickness had been her continual companion since her pregnancy started eight months ago. “Why don’t you check on Yuffie?”

“She’s fine,” Leon said, without glancing in Yuffie’s direction.

“I am not!” Yuffie shouted. “And shouldn’t you be more worried about me? I’m your meal ticket!” Leon ignored her. ‘Fine, be that way,’ Yuffie thought, annoyed. ‘See if I’ll ever babysit for you.’

Yuffie stomped away from the lovebirds. Now that the boat was docked Yuffie was able to disembark. She grabbed her bags and hopped off the boat. The moment she had solid ground under her feet Yuffie began feeling better. Perhaps it was psychological, but she was just relieved her stomach had finally settled. She scanned the crowd, curious to see if anyone came to meet them. Kairi couldn’t possibly be here, as she was in the middle of her last final for the semester, but Rikku might. She didn’t spot any strawberry blondes though. Instead the ninja suddenly got a face full of bosom.

“Tifa!” Yuffie shouted, struggling to breathe. “Let go! You’re choking me.”

“It’s good to see you, kiddo,” Tifa said as she released Yuffie. “I heard you won your competition. Congrats.”

“Thanks Tifa,” Yuffie laughed.

“How was traveling with a pregnant lady?”

“Difficult. Aerith, of course, is an angel, but Leon’s been acting even worse than usual. He’s being sweet and overly protective of Aerith and biting everyone else’s head off. That includes mine. I may need to get another manager until the baby’s done nursing or at least until Leon’s protective instincts settle.”

“Isn’t Two-K your other manager?”

“Sorta,” Yuffie said. “She doubles as my manager/publicist/entourage… although Leon takes care of most of the business crap.”

As the ladies talked Leon and Aerith carefully got off the ferry. When they reached the others Tifa and Aerith shared a much gentler hug than the one Yuffie had experienced; Yuffie figured that Tifa didn’t want to crush the baby. A little more small talk was made then the four left the docks for Tifa’s vehicle. Unfortunately Tifa brought her old pickup truck. There was only enough room in the cab for Tifa and one passenger, which meant Aerith rode up front while Yuffie and Leon rode in the bed with their cargo. 

The ride home was bumpy. Yuffie wasn’t fond of being thrown about by any twist or turn and nearly fell out once. Luckily Leon grabbed her shirt and kept her safe beside him. Yuffie was impressed. Leon was a lot stronger than he looked. At least her ride home wasn’t long. Even though Aerith and Leon had recently moved to Twilight Town--there was more room for a family than in Tokyo—they were still farther from the docks than Yuffie’s place. As soon as she had the last of her gear out of the truck Tifa drove away. Yuffie waved goodbye, but the truck quickly went around a corner and disappeared.

Yuffie carried her things up to her apartment. As soon as she was inside, Yuffie dropped everything, flopped on the couch, and turned on the television. She just wanted to veg mindlessly for a bit and unwind before Kairi got home. All that seemed to be on were telenovelas and judge shows. Despite Demyx’s ravings about _El Serpiente en la Hiebra_ , Yuffie chose the judge show. The judge show was boring, but at least she knew what was going on. However, Yuffie quickly became sick of watching small-minded people with petty squabbles in small claims court. Luckily, the doorbell saved her.

Yuffie hopped up and loped over to the intercom. Hitting the reply button, she asked who it was. She hoped it wasn’t another insurance salesman; they scared her a lot, especially with all their complaints about her “dangerous job.”

“This is Riku calling for Kairi,” warbled the intercom.

“She isn’t here right now. Shall I tell her you stopped by?” Yuffie offered. She wasn’t inviting some random dude who supposedly knew Kairi into her home. There was a muffled noise and then a pop. Riku had let go of the intercom. A moment later the intercom crackled back to life.

“Hey there, you’re Yuffie, right?” a new voice said. “It’s Sora, remember me? You were at my wedding and—”

“Of course I remember you,” Yuffie said. “Besides being Kairi’s best friend you’re a pretty cool guy, Sora. Wanna come up and wait for her?”

“Can I bring my husband?”

“Sure!”

Before the intercom went dead Yuffie heard Riku grumble about not being recognized when Sora was easily recognized. Yuffie laughed quietly as she waited for them to appear. Her girlfriend’s visiting childhood friends would be the perfect distraction for her. She waited impatiently on the balls of her feet until there was a knock at the door. The surfer gleefully opened the door to reveal two tired looking men carrying suitcases. The brunet with spiky hair—Yuffie was certain that was Sora, he looked familiar—waved at her. The ninja stealthily grabbed Sora’s bag as she welcomed them both inside.

“So what are you guys doing in town?” Yuffie asked. After the initial greetings were out of the way.

“Riku and I are on winter break now,” Sora began.

“And Sora promised Kairi we would visit during the holidays,” Riku said.

“So we’re spending break in Twilight Town!” Sora exclaimed.

“That’ll be about two weeks, then we have to head back to Radiant Garden for J-term,” Riku added.

There was a moment of silence before Yuffie burst out, “This is gonna be so cool! Are you guys staying with us?”

“No, Sora made reservations so…” Riku trailed off as he glanced at his husband. Sora was cringing. “You didn’t forget, right?”

“I tried on four different occasions to make reservations,” Sora replied defensively. “Each time I tried, you pounced on me demanding sex. When I can barely deny you anything, how could I possibly say no to that? Besides, you promised to make the reservations for me when I told you I was in the middle of my fourth attempt and had to finish that before we could fuck.”

“Arrug! You know I’d promise you anything for sex if I’m horny! How am I supposed to remember what I said?”

“Should I take that as a yes, you’re staying?” Yuffie asked.

Both boys nodded sheepishly. They seemed to have forgotten that she was there. Yuffie stuffed them into the spare bedroom. It didn’t look like they could both fit at first, but Sora rearranged their bags and the spare gear, which seemed to make more space. She had no idea how they’d both fit in the bed though. It had barely fit Zell.

After the boys were settled, Yuffie was stuck talking with them. It wasn’t really that bad, she just didn’t know what to say. However, Sora and Riku were actually quite entertaining and barely needed any input from her, especially after Sora realized Riku had candy canes. The boy proceeded to maul his husband in search of the sugary treats as it turned out Riku kept them in a variety of locations. Yuffie was a bit amazed at the way Sora squeezed himself into Riku’s sweater while he was still wearing it. While the sweated had looked snug on just Riku, it bulged to accommodate Sora as he checked the collar for candy canes. 

“Do you often hide candy canes like this?” Yuffie asked.

“Not if we’re going out in public,” Riku responded.

“Ah,” Yuffie said. “So what have you two been up to since the marriage? I mean, I saw you briefly this summer, but that was for only like six hours and we barely talked.”

“School mostly. I’m going to Hollow Bastion University in Radiant Garden and Sora is… staying out of my pants. I didn’t stick them there.”

“Oh, that’s usually a good bet,” Sora said.

“Yes, but that’s a bad place to just carry them,” Riku said. “It’s really awkward when they slip down and I didn’t think you’d already find the candy.”

“So what’s Sora up to?” Yuffie asked, getting the conversation back on topic. Riku gave her another embarrassed smile. It seemed like they had forgotten about her again. ‘Forget me again and I’ll sic Yuna on you,’ she silently growled.

“I’m working practically full time at a coffee shop,” Sora said, “and taking classes at Garden Junior College. Don’t really know what I wanna be yet.”

“I still don’t really know what I’m gonna be either,” Yuffie said, grinning. “I mean, I love surfing and I want to do that for as long as possible, but being a pro athlete is tough. Wipeouts really mess ya up bad and by the time I’m forty, I doubt I’d be able to keep up with the younglings.”

“Riku’s training to be an architect though,” Sora said proudly. “He’s really amazing at it.”

Riku smirked and pulled Sora into a tight hug. It looked strange, considering the position they were in. Yuffie was certain normal humans couldn’t get that close. They looked like a single organism.

“I’m third in my class,” Riku said.

‘Soku, Rira?’ Yuffie thought, nodding absentmindedly. ‘What would you call them if they really are a single organism?’

“If everything goes well, I’ll be creating houses in a year and a half. But enough about us, what’s Kairi up to?”

“She’s got a final right now, just trying to get through her classes, ya know?” Yuffie said. She checked the kitchen clock. “Actually, she should be home pretty soon now.”

“Found it!” Sora announced, pulling a chain of mini candy canes from underneath Riku’s belt. His stomach rumbled loudly.

‘Oh God, we don’t have to feed them do we?’ Yuffie wondered in horror. She had heard stories about the bottomless pit commonly referred to as ‘Sora’ from Kairi.

“Since we’re staying with you and Kairi, we should really buy dinner. Know any decent places nearby, Yuffie?” Riku said, seemingly sensing Yuffie’s fear.

“There’s a good Thai place on the corner,” Yuffie said. At the look on Riku’s face she added, “and a grocery store two blocks down on Divine Rose Avenue.”

“We’ll go to the store and pick up supplies.”

“Riku’s a really good cook,” Sora said. “I’m not bad, but Riku’s amazing.”

“I like your cooking,” Riku said as they left the apartment. Yuffie didn’t hear the response.

Noticing how messy the apartment was, Yuffie felt obligated to clean up. All the study guides, textbooks, notes, and stray assignments scattered around the living room and kitchen were stacked into one monstrous pile. The ninja collected all the dirty dishes and food wrappers strewn about the apartment sticking it in the sink. She cackled a little as the sink filled with dishes, as Kairi was usually the one getting on her case for forgetting them in random places. Yuffie couldn’t wait to tease her about the mess when she got home. When she realized that that no, the garbage disposal couldn’t handle plastic wrappers Yuffie extracted all the wrappers from the sink and tossed them in the trash.

“I thought you weren’t back until tomorrow,” Kairi said as she entered the apartment. While her words weren’t the nicest, she had an extremely pleased expression on her face.

“Kairi!” Yuffie squealed, leaping onto her girlfriend. Not being able to withstand the force of a flying ninja, Kairi hit the wall. Yuffie didn’t really notice though, as she was too busy hugging the life out of the redhead.

“Yeah, I love you too, Yuf,” Kairi laughed, weakly patting the older girl’s shoulder. “Could you let go of me though? You’re turning my vital organs into jelly.”

“Sorry,” Yuffie grinned. She quickly pecked Kairi. “So? How was the exam? I bet you did great! I know you’ve studied really hard and probably know everything in the book.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I don’t know anywhere near as much as you seem to think I do,” Kairi sighed. “Still, I think all my tests went well.”

“Well, hey, I’m excited that you are finally on winter break. This year you’re learning how to ice skate!”

“Do you really think it’s smart putting me on a pair of tiny knives and expecting me to travel?” Kairi asked. “If I break an ankle, you’re sleeping on the couch until it heals.”

“Unfair!”

“You kick!”

Yuffie exhaled slowly then wrapped an arm around Kairi’s shoulders. She really wanted to teach her girlfriend how to skate and she was willing to make some serious concessions to ensure that happened. “If you break an ankle, not only will I sleep on the couch, I’ll wait on you hand and foot.” Kairi turned an interesting shade of off white. “Or I could simply stay out of your way and take care of Yuna.”

“I like that plan better.” Kairi sat down at the kitchen table and kicked off her heels. She shook her backpack out on the table. “You know, I saw a really weird sight on the way home.”

“What was that?” Yuffie asked, getting Kairi a glass of pineapple juice. She wasn’t a big fan of the stuff, but Kairi liked it. Yuffie figured it had to do with the redhead growing up in the topics.

“I could have sworn I saw Sora and Riku,” Kairi said, laughing slightly. “Isn’t that funny? I almost called out to them, but then realized it couldn’t possibly be them. After all, they live hundreds of miles away in Radiant Garden.”

The bell rang and Yuffie cursed her luck. That was probably the boys back from their shopping. She had wanted to tell Kairi about their guests before they got back. Kairi always did better when she had a little time to get used to an idea before something was sprung on her. Still, it seemed a bit early for them to be back considering they had only just left. ‘Maybe it’s someone else?’ Yuffie thought. ‘Although if it is, I don’t know what we’re gonna do with five people.’

While Yuffie puzzled over their visitors could be Kairi already buzzed them into the building. When Kairi opened the door Axel and Roxas were on the other. They cheerfully entered and invited themselves to dinner.

‘Make that six,’ Yuffie amended.

Sora and Riku arrived with bagsful of food half an hour later. Kairi looked shocked, but Yuffie could tell she was pleased. She hadn’t seen either of the boys in ages and they were basically out of food. Apparently Kairi had been too busy studying to shop and let that go along with the housework.

“Why didn’t you tell me they were in town?” Kairi asked her girlfriend after hugging both of her best friends.

“Well I was about to,” Yuffie said, “but then Axel and Roxas showed up and I haven’t had the chance.”

Riku had already taken over the kitchen. While he prepared the main course he set Sora to sauce duty, which somehow turned into Roxas assisting. At the same time Axel moved the living room furniture around (and made a complete mess while he was at it) to create space for all the dinner guests. The girls seemed a little at a loss as the boys completely took over their home. Before either of them could lose their temper Sora hailed Kairi over to taste the sauce he and Roxas were making. Realizing that this was her last chance before she completely lost control of everything, Yuffie pulled Kairi back for a quick work.

“Sora and Riku are staying with us,” Yuffie said. Kairi’s head jerked back to stare at her.

“What? For how long?” Kairi asked.

“A week, maybe two?”

“Shit, we’ve got New Year’s plans.”

“Maybe they can go to a club.”

“Kairi, if you don’t get over here and try the sauce, I’m adding more garlic,” Sora called out.

“And if you add any, I’m murdering you with a…” Roxas trailed off as he dug in a kitchen drawer. He whipped out a whisk with a flourish. “With an egg beater.”

“That’s a whisk,” Riku said, not even looking up from the main course.

“Well, it’s metal and it would hurt if I shoved it in your face,” Roxas said. “Right Axel?”

“Sure babe,” Axel said, pushing a chair an inch to the left. “Whatever you say.”

“They’re not taking me seriously,” Roxas sighed, setting down the whisk.

“It’s the sweater vest,” Sora insisted. “That beige checkered thing oozes wishy washiness. Be a man, wear red!”

“Says the man who still sleeps with his stuffed kitty doll,” Riku said, pinching his husband’s derriere. Sora squealed and attacked his lover with the sauce spoon.

“I don’t think we’re allowed in the kitchen,” Kairi said.

“Nope,” Yuffie agreed.

“Where’s Yunie?”

“Dunno. Haven’t seen her since I got home.”

“I bet she’s in our room,” Kairi said after a moment of thought. “Let’s go check.”

Yuffie walked into the bedroom. She hadn’t actually made it into the bedroom yet and she was shocked. Mountains of books did not begin in to describe the amount of textbooks in there. She could see three narrow pathways bisecting the waist sight stacks of books, clothing, and general things that had accumulated in their room.

“How are you managing to survive in here?” Yuffie asked. “I’m supposed to be the messy one, but this is insane.”

“I was going to clean things up tonight,” Kairi said ruefully.

“I remember my sophomore year of college and it did not involve anywhere near this many books.”

“You also weren’t taking advanced courses or trying to fit four years of college into three. I umm… also probably got out more books than I needed.”

Yuffie tried to navigate over to the bed, but tripped on one of her trophies, which had fallen from the top of her dresser. There were too many stacked precariously up there and Yuffie really needed another shelf or bookcase to properly store them. Either that or toss some out. She felt a little bit like Godzilla as she fell, crushing the book towers on her way to the floor. A loud wark sounded as Yuna fluttered out of the wreckage. She landed on Yuffie’s head.

Kairi squatted down next to Yuffie and brushed the hair out of the surfer’s eyes. “I forgot to say this earlier, but welcome home.” Kairi kissed Yuffie gently on the lips. Then in a firm voice she asked, “Did you break anything in that tumble?”

***

Yuffie yawned as she sat up stiffly. She pulled a book out of the small of her back and tossed it on the floor with the others. Another book was lodged in her pillow and it soon joined its friend the floor. Seeing that she was alone in the bedroom, Yuffie stumbled into the living room. Axel and Roxas were still asleep on the couch. They had passed out before anyone had been able to convert the couch into a bed, so they looked a bit cramped stacked like sardine on the narrow cushions. Yuffie padded past them into the kitchen.

Yuna snoozed in the center of the kitchen table. Kairi fried eggs in a skillet. Yuffie leaned on the table and stroked the chocobo’s crest as she watched her girlfriend focus all her energy on cooking. Kairi flipped some of the egg bits and nearly lost a bit, but caught it at the last second with a quick flick of her wrist. Yuffie grinned. She had really found a wonderful woman.

“Morning babe,” Yuffie said, walking forward and wrapping her arms around Kairi’s waist.

“I’m surprised you’re awake this early,” Kairi said.

“Hey, I wake up before noon,” Yuffie said defensively.

“Only for surfing,” Kairi said. “Besides, that’s an invalid argument since it’s a little past noon now.”

Yuffie sighed and buried her nose into the redhead’s neck. She was right, though it really didn’t matter when Yuffie woke up today. “We had a nice party last night, didn’t we?” Yuffie mumbled.

“Well sure, if you want to discount Roxas trying to strangle Riku with the main course or when Axel accidentally groped Sora, which sent both Roxas and Riku into a murderous rage that ended in an all out brawl, then yeah, last night was stupendous,” Kairi said. She pulled the skillet off the burner. “Eggs?”

“Love some,” Yuffie said, pulling out two plates. Sora came stumbling out of the spare bedroom sniffing the air. Yuffie rolled her eyes as she pulled out another bowl. ‘Why did he have to wake up now?’

Sora sat down across the table from Yuffie. Kairi dished out eggs before cracking a few more into the pan. If Sora was awake they’d need them. Still, she was able to join the others at the table for breakfast well before the second batch was ready because she had started with quite a few eggs in the pan. They ate in a sleep induced near silence. At some point Roxas woke up, helped himself to eggs, and claimed the final kitchen chair. This might have been a problem, but the girls had eaten their fill roughly the same time as Riku and Axel woke. They were able to exchange places smoothly without any squabbling.

Before any fights could break out that morning Yuffie decided to make an announcement. “Last night was not cool, guys. You do not pro-wrestle or do fight club or any of that shit in my living room. Kairi and I still wanna still have a house when you guys leave, so the next brawl gets you thrown out. Permanently. Got it?”

“Bitch,” Axel grumbled.

“I have to say this way too often,” Yuffie started, “but Axel, that’s Ms. Bitch to you.”

“It really would be good if you guys could get along,” Kairi said. “Riku, Sora, you guys are basically my brothers, and Axel is my actual cousin. Unfortunately. And Roxas, you’re just about the best friend I’ve made since I left the Islands. Yuffie and I really just want you guys to all get along, preferably also with our furniture.”

“Sorry Kairi,” Sora said. The others mumbled apologies to Kairi.

“As an apology you’re all going to help me carry these books back to their respective libraries,” Kairi said.

There were grumblings from all the boys, but they started picking up books anyway. Kairi sorted the books by library and sent them off in twos. Roxas and Sora left first since Roxas actually knew the campus layout. Kairi and Riku were returning the books to the most difficult to access libraries, as she knew how to find them. Then Yuffie and Axel had the rest. As the pair both lived in the area, they ought to be able to find a library or two together. They caught the trolley over toward Twilight Campus. To Yuffie’s dismay, they had to ride inside the trolley because there were too many delicate books for the roof.

‘Stupid books,’ Yuffie thought, moving them in her lap. ‘There are just too many of ‘em to ride the top of the trolley.’

“So we’re going to Yunalesca Library?” Axel asked, shifting his book pile. “Why’d they name the library that? Wasn’t she a warrior babe like Xena?”

“She was a mystic scholar mage woman,” Yuffie said, reciting Kairi’s answer from when she asked the same question.

“Oh.” Axel glanced out the window. “This is our stop; I always get out here for Roxy’s dorm.”

Axel confidently led the way and after a few turns they reached Roxas’ dorm. It seemed like Axel knew his way around campus. That would be a great thing, since Yuna knew more about the campus than Yuffie did. The ninja knew her way around the rest of the city and rarely needed to visit the university. Usually Kairi did all the navigating for her when she did have to venture in.

“Excellent work, Axel,” Yuffie said. “Now lead on to the library.”

“Alright!”

They left the dorm at a brisk pace. They strode through the snowy streets, barely seeing anyone around. The placed cleared out on winter break. Yuffie took the time to stare at Twilight’s strange architecture. As long as she didn’t have to lead, they would be fine. An hour passed. They had passed Roxas’ dorm six times and that building with the fish shaped windows four times. The stack of books in Yuffie’s arms felt incredibly heavy and they hadn’t stopped walking. Yuffie was getting suspicious.

“Do you really know where we’re going?” she asked.

“Yes,” Axel said uncertainly. “We just turn this corner and… here it is.”

They were in front of the same trolley station where they had first arrived on campus. Yuffie, feeling frustrated, looked around, but couldn’t see any library. There were just stores surrounding the station.

“You don’t know jack,” Yuffie said. “I’m taking over.” She flipped open her phone and called Kairi. “Hey, Kairi?” Yuffie said when the redhead picked up.

“Where are you?” Kairi demanded, sounding frantic. “Roxas, who had to go three miles farther than you, got back twenty minutes ago.”

“We’re at Solarflare Station. Axel led us here after taking us to Roxas’s dorm six times.”

“He took you to Roxas’s dorm six times?”

“Yeah, and you know I don’t know the campus very well.”

There were some muffled noises on Kairi’s end then Roxas was on the phone. He asked for Axel, so Yuffie handed over the phone. As soon as Axel was on the line Roxas started screaming. The redhead had to hold the phone about a foot away from his head, but he listened to everything Roxas said. That surprised Yuffie, she had already started tuning Roxas out after the first ten seconds. It sounded like a lot of angry nonsensical yelling.

When Roxas was done, he and Kairi gave them directions to the library. With the directions they were successful on their first try. The duo happily rid themselves of all their textbooks. Axel then informed the surfer that he was going home now, so they parted ways. Yuffie also went home. She had had enough excitement for one afternoon.

***

“No, I swear you’re doing fine, Kairi, just relax, babe.”

“I’m gonna fall!” Kairi shrieked as her feet slid in opposite directions. She collapsed onto Yuffie, who just laughed as she supported the both of them.

“Believe me, you really are getting better,” Yuffie promised. She started gliding back, pulling Kairi along. “You can’t over think this.”

“Whoever thought up this madcap idea clearly wasn’t thinking. He should have just been shot.”

“Once you improve a little,” Aerith called out, “ice skating is really fun. If I wasn’t pregnant, I’d be on the ice with you.”

It had been a week since Sora and Riku had arrived. Thanks to them, the girls had a nice Christmas a few days ago. Today Yuffie decided it was finally time to teach Kairi how to skate. The boys copped out on this excursion, mentioning a planned trip to the mall. Yuffie knew they just didn’t want to be on the ice in ‘the cold.’ Luckily, Aerith was more than willing to come and watch Kairi learn how to ice skate.

“Come on, it’s just like roller-skating and you’re good at that,” Yuffie said. “Just start pushing off.” She demonstrated the motion. Kairi looked proud of the fact that she was standing in one place without falling over.

“This isn’t anything like regular skating. The ground has no friction and there are no brakes on these skates!”

Yuffie turned sharply to the left, sending up a spray of ice crystals. She halted right in front of Kairi, which actually startled the redhead enough that she fell over. 

“When you make a sharp turn, you angle the blades in the same direction as your force. It sends up lots of spray, but it does slow you down,” Yuffie explained, helping Kairi to her feet.

“Can’t we go sledding instead?” Kairi asked. She gestured at the sled she had hopefully brought along. “There’s no falling in that.”

“Scaredy cat.” Yuffie spun Kairi around and grabbed her waist. “Okay, start skating like this is a roller rink. In fact, pretend we’re at a roller rink instead of the pond. Don’t worry, I’m here and I won’t let you fall.” There was a moment of silence before Kairi sighed. Yuffie grinned. She had won this battle. 

“Like I said before, if I break something, you’re sleeping on the couch until it thaws,” Kairi warned.

“If I let you break something, I’ll never forgive myself.”

Kairi gave a small nod, and then started forward. Her movements were small and choppy, showing her fear of falling, but to Yuffie’s delight, Kairi didn’t stop. After Kairi had moved far enough out that Yuffie had move, she started seriously skating too. Yuffie’s force gave Kairi a chance to feel what it was like to glide. With this added speed and assistance Kairi learned the beginnings of how to steer while skating on ice.

Yuffie let go of Kairi’s sides. She stayed next to her girlfriend, but didn’t touch. Kairi had yet to notice that she was skating on her own, which made Yuffie ecstatic. The redhead usually set her own limitations and now she was breaking one of them unconsciously. The ninja couldn’t be prouder.

“Little stronger strokes,” Yuffie said, hoping that would speed Kairi up a little. The college student adjusted herself accordingly. Yuffie stopped so she could just watch the redhead. “Now bigger strides, ideally we want you gliding with only the occasional strong stroke.”

“This isn’t so bad,” Kairi said, turning to look at Yuffie. When she didn’t see the ninja behind her though, Kairi panicked. “Yuffie?” Her newly strong strides became wobbly again.

‘Oh shit, why did she look back?’ Yuffie thought, hurriedly skating forward. “I’ll be there in a moment, Kairi!”

Unfortunately Kairi didn’t have a moment. As she tried to slow down, her frantic motions only caused her to increase in speed. Failing wildly, she hurtled across the pond. Yuffie sped up, trying desperately to close the gap between them before Kairi crashed. There was no way Yuffie was spending the rest of winter on the couch.

‘Just about—’ Yuffie swiped for the coat in front of her. She caught hold of a coat sleeve. ‘—Yes!’

In Yuffie’s moment of triumph, she sped by Kairi. This combined with a rough patch of ice sent the girls into a dizzying spiral. Suddenly the girls were no longer connected. Yuffie went flying. She landed on her back in a snow bank.

Yuffie sat up, blinking. She brushed the snow off her face. ‘What happened?’ she thought. ‘I know I didn’t let go.’ As she climbed out of the snow bank Yuffie tripped and hit the iced over pond. Looking down she saw that she was tangled up in a jacket. ‘Oh fuck,’

“Kairi!” Yuffie yelled frantically.

“We’re over here, Yuffie,” Aerith called.

Yuffie scrambled across the pond to the snow bank Aerith stood by. Yuffie almost fell into the hole, in which Kairi was still laying. Kairi glared up at her girlfriend. It was at that point Yuffie noticed Kairi was only wearing a t-shirt on her upper body. She hastily pulled the redhead out of the snow bank.

“Are you hurt?” Yuffie asked, brushing snow off Kairi’s back.

“When I can feel my arms again, I’m strangling you, Yuf,” Kairi said calmly.

“That may have to wait, Kairi,” Aerith said, sounding nervous. Yuffie looked up alertly at Aerith.

“What’s wrong?” the surfer asked.

If Aerith sounded nervous, then something must be seriously wrong. Aerith had always been good at keeping her emotions in check. Sure, she could laugh and smile, but she never cried or showed fear. She was the bright cheerful flower girl bestowing happiness, or at worse, calm and collected. If she let any negative or worrying emotion creep into her voice it meant Aerith must have been very stressed and scared.

“I think my water just broke,” she said. The florist then doubled over in pain.

Yuffie’s jaw dropped. She gawked at the small puddle at Aerith’s feet and she couldn’t focus on any concise thought. There was no way Aerith could be going into labor on a frozen pond. That should be happening in a hospital with doctors and nurses, not ducks.

Kairi ripped her jacket out of Yuffie’s hands. “Yuffie, go get the toboggan,” she said. At Yuffie’s dumb look, she added, “We have to get Aerith to a hospital, don’t we? Well, considering it’s rush hour and the Sunset Terrace District is made up of mostly sidewalks and canals, there’s no faster way than putting Aerith on a toboggan and skating along the canals to a hospital.”

Yuffie grabbed the sled and then carefully helped Aerith down onto it. Kairi took Yuffie’s jacket from the ninja and spread it over Aerith’s lap. She handed Yuffie the sled’s rope. Yuffie gave her a funny look.

“Since you’re pulling the sled and working out, you probably won’t need your jacket, but Aerith will to keep that stuff from freezing on her legs,” Kairi explained. “I’ll hold onto Aerith and push from behind while giving directions. We don’t want any delays or unneeded detours.”

“Kay,” Yuffie said. She held onto the sled rope. “Are you certain this is the way you wanna go, Aerith?”

“It’s the best plan we have,” the brunette admitted.

Yuffie started skating. It was difficult to skate at first, building enough momentum to propel a pregnant a woman was difficult, but after Kairi started skating and the sled started moving, the skating got easy. Almost too easy. Yuffie was able to speed skate by the time they reached the canal system.

The canal had a few people skating along it. However, when the others saw Yuffie’s caravan barreling down on them, they got out of the way. A few of the more timid skaters got out of the canal entirely, but others decided to follow behind the group. Yuffie was just happy that she had a clear path and the ice was solid. The path Kairi gave the ninja was a little longer than the quickest path, but there were very few turns, so Yuffie was able to skate at high speeds. She didn’t know how long it took, but they finally arrived at the hospital in Sunset Terrace.

Kairi collapsed in a lobby chair. She simply didn’t have the stamina to skate for that long of a period of time. Yuffie was a more experienced skater and still had the energy to help Aerith up off the toboggan and into the hands of waiting nurses, who were rapidly converging on their location. Aerith was quickly admitted to the hospital and whisked away to the maternity ward. An administrator told Yuffie where they would be told where they could go to meet up with Aertih after she was settled into a room. Nodding, Yuffie felt the adrenaline drain and she slumped into the chair next to Kairi.

“We got her here in time,” Yuffie said, holding Kairi’s hand.

“But we’re not done yet,” Kairi said. “You have to call Leon, Tifa, and Two-K. Then I have to call Sora to let him know what’s up and Cloud. I’m certain there are a lot more people who will have to be told. What about Aerith’s parents or Leon’s parents?”

“I’m on it. You can keep resting.” Yuffie got up and found the pay phones. This section of the hospital had signs against cell phone use everywhere. She quickly dialed Leon’s cell phone, but he didn’t answer. So she called Tifa and told her the news. Tifa promised to come as soon as she had called Aerith’s mother. Yuffie called Leon again, and this time he answered.

“I’m not helping you get out of those handcuffs again,” Leon said as soon as he knew it was Yuffie.

“I’m not in handcuffs,” Yuffie said indignantly. “No, it’s Aerith—”

“What’s wrong?” Leon asked. “Is she hurt?”

“Her water broke. We got her admitted to Sunset Terrace Hospital.”

Leon hung up without saying anything else. Yuffie snorted. First time fathers were too panicky. With Kairi’s help, Yuffie went on to call Rikku, Sora, Cloud, and Demyx. They all promised to show up as soon as they could. Then Yuffie and Kairi were allowed to visit Aerith. When they came in, a nurse was checking Aerith’s vitals. As she finished her work she smiled at the girls, threw a pair of gloves into the trash, then left shutting the door behind her.

“How are you doing?” Kairi asked.

“Good,” Aerith said. “My OB-Gyn should be here soon.”

“We called Leon and the others,” Yuffie said. “They’re on their way.”

“Thank you.”

“Can we get you anything?” Kairi asked. Aerith shook her head. “You sure?”

“If you both could just stay with me that would be nice,” Aerith said.

Kairi sat down on Aerith’s right side. Yuffie sat beside Kairi. To keep Aerith amused, and her mind off the pain and fear of the situation, Yuffie told stories for roughly half an hour until she heard Leon yelling in the hallway. She excused herself to go and grab Leon.

Leon stood at the end of the hallway in his full leather regalia. He was being held back by two orderlies as he took part in a screaming match with a nurse. Yuffie shook her head. Even she knew better than to fight with hospital staff. They had access to tranquilizer darts.

“Hey there,” Yuffie said. She tapped an orderly’s grip on Leon’s arm. “Ms. Nurse?” The nurse turned to Yuffie. “This idiot here—” Yuffie poked Leon in the chest. “—is about to become a dad and his already crappy social skills just disappeared because he’s freaking out over his wife. Can I take him to her?”

“You may,” the nurse said after thinking a moment. She turned to Leon. “If I get one more outburst from you, you are out of this hospital. Understood?”

Leon nodded sullenly, but quickly followed Yuffie back to Aerith’s room when she got his attention. The expecting mother looked relieved when she saw her husband. Leon wrapped his arm around her and kissed her several times before releasing her. He asked several times how she was before Aerith finally managed to convince him to just sit down and hold her hand.

Shortly thereafter Rikku and Zell showed up carrying a video camera. They brought it because Zell had the brilliant idea to film the birth of Aerith and Leon’s first child. He figured that it made sense for him to film it, as he was a professional cameraman. The next person to arrive for the Gainsborough-Leonhart birth was a short stout woman in her early forties wearing a lab coat. 

“You’re looking well, Aerith,” the woman said.

“Hello, Dr. Kadowaki,” Aerith said. “I’ll be glad when I’m out of labor.”

“Let’s take a look to see how far along you are,” the doctor said. She washed her hands then pulled on a pair of gloves. She leaned down and took a look to see how far Aerith’s cervix was dilated. “You’re roughly eight centimeters now. We still have a while to wait.”

‘How big does it have to be?’ Yuffie wondered.

Reading Yuffie’s mind, Kairi whispered to Yuffie, “The birth canal has to be ten centimeters so that the baby’s head and shoulders can fit through.”

Zell quickly put the camera together and set things up to film. “So what do we do now? Should I start filming?”

“Why don’t we wait until the big moment is a little more eminent?” Aerith suggested. “For now though, we can just chat.”

They talked and told a few more stories. Dr. Kadowaki left to check on some other business. Zexion and Demyx then showed up, the later bearing baby gifts. The pair sat down out of the way on the hospital room’s windowsill.

Aerith took pain medication right before her mother called. It was a good thing Aerith was now medicated because Elmyra Gainsborough was upset and apologetic that she would be unable to arrive at the hospital before morning. Aerith spent at least ten minutes calming down her mother before hanging up. This conversation made Leon belatedly realize he had never told his own parents that he was going to be a father. Yuffie sincerely hoped he had at least told them about his marriage. 

While Leon called his own parents to tell them the good news, Cloud showed up looking harried. He strode over to Aerith and gave her a hug and apologized for being late. Yuffie asked what the holdup was.

“I was in the middle of a will reading and couldn’t answer the phone,” Cloud said. He awkwardly handed Leon a patchwork blanket covered with _Wizard of Oz_ characters. Leon accepted the blanket with the same amount of grace that Cloud used to give it. “This was Link’s idea. He wanted to be here, but he’s stuck with a horse in labor. Ironic really.”

Dr. Kadowaki came back to check on Aerith’s progress. She was apparently ready to give birth, so the doctor ordered all nonessential people out of the room. Zexion and Demyx left for the waiting room and Rikku quickly followed. Yuffie would have left, but Aerith asked them to stay, since Tifa hadn’t arrived yet.

“Okay Aerith, I want you to take a deep breath and push,” the doctor said. The birthing had begun.

Three hours later Yuffie was sitting out with the others in the waiting room of the floor Aerith was on. When that hairy bloody scalp appeared Yuffie lost it. She vomited in the bathroom before heading out to the waiting room. Yuffie needed to get away from the emotional intensity of that room for a few minutes. She wished Kairi could be with her; but the redhead took her place as an emotional anchor for Aerith, since Tifa still had yet to arrive. A woman in labor needed all the support she could get.

‘Speak of the devil,’ Yuffie thought as Tifa and a strange blond man came rushing into the room.

Tifa and the man were both panting and nearly doubled over. She was wearing a short black dress and matching high heels. The man was in a maroon silk shirt, dress pants, and a pair of good shoes. Both of them looked rather panicked and harried, though most people got that way around Tifa when she was on a mission. Yuffie wondered why her friend brought a random guy with her. 

“Were you on a date?” Yuffie asked, vaguely shocked.

“Yes, in Traverse Town. Then our car broke down on the way here,” panted Tifa. “Where is she?”

Yuffie led the way back to Aerith’s room. The baby had made only a little more progress getting born since Yuffie had left earlier.

“Tifa!” Aerith cried.

“Aerith!” Tifa shouted back, rushing to her best friend’s side. The bartender nearly flattened Leon on her way to Aerith. “I am, so sorry I’m late, I never would have gone on this date if I had realized you’d be giving birth.”

“It’s okay, you’re here now.”

“I hate to break up the lovefest, ladies,” Dr. Kadowaki said dryly, “but we still have a baby to deliver and I’d like to finish this tonight.”

Aerith struggled to contract all the right muscles. Slowly and painfully the rest of the child’s head came out of the birth canal. Then shoulders appeared, but they seemed almost stuck on the last ring of tissue. Dr. Kadowaki carefully pried the vaginal walls apart just barely far enough for the shoulders to slip through. As soon as the widest portion was through the baby practically slid into the doctor's waiting hands. A moment later the placenta followed.

Dr. Kadowaki slapped the baby on the back, causing the child to wail. It was the best way to ensure proper breathing for the baby. At least, that’s how Yuffie understood it. The OB-Gyn then handed the baby to a nurse, who washed the child off before giving it over to its exhausted mother.

“It’s a boy,” Dr. Kadowaki announced.

Yuffie wanted to vomit again. That was by far the most disgusting thing she had ever seen. There was no way in hell she was ever attending another birth, not even if it she was the one in labor. If she and Kairi ever had their own kids she was going to be one of those 50s dads who just hung out in the waiting room. Kairi would be furious, but she was never watching the miracle of birth again.

Leon and Tifa exchanged places so that the new parents could be with their baby boy. Since he didn’t really belong Tifa’s date ran to get the others. Zell continued filming and got a close up of the new addition to the Leonhart-Gainsborough family. Kairi came over to Yuffie and gave her a hug while resting her head on the ninja’s shoulder.

“Are you going to be sick again?” Kairi asked. Yuffie shook her head. “Good, because we still have to congratulate Aerith and Leon on the birth of their son.”

Tifa’s date came back with the others. Everyone oohed and aahed over the baby for a few minutes. Leon even had a smile on his face. Yuffie practically strangled Zell in her rush to get him to catch the smile before it disappeared. Leon actually looking happy was extremely rare. She didn’t think she had ever seen visual proof of it before.

A nurse came in to give the baby a few initial tests. The baby started crying again. This made Zexion and Demyx go home, mainly because Zexion wasn’t comfortable around babies. Zell caught a few more shots before he and Rikku left, promising to make lots of copies of the film.

“Who are you?” Leon said to Tifa’s date.

“Basch fon Ralsthead,” Basch said. “I’m Ms. Lockheart’s escort.”

“I’m so sorry about our first date,” Tifa apologized. She looked like she was about to cry. “I always manage to screw these things up.”

Basch produced a handkerchief and handed it to Tifa. “This was certainly an unusual first date,” he said. “May I call you for a slightly more traditional second date?” Tifa’s jaw dropped, but Basch patiently waited for her reply.

“Of course,” Tifa said, the moment she remember how to use her mouth.

“Then I think I will take my leave.” He turned to Aerith. “Congratulations on the birth of your son.” Basch nodded to Leon and left.

Cloud kissed Aerith on the cheek. “I have to go,” he said. “Link will want to know what happened and no one wants him rushing here covered in horse fluid. We will both visit tomorrow.”

“Love you,” Aerith said.

Cloud gave her a salute. He shook Leon’s hand strongly, endured one of Tifa’s back breaking hugs, nodded to Kairi and Yuffie, then left.

“Yuffie,” Leon said, sounding broken up. “I wanted to thank you for getting Aerith here quickly and safely. If you hadn’t taken her ice-skating, she probably would have been alone on a walk. Thank you.”

“It’s no big deal, Leon,” Yuffie said, grinning. “Aerith is our friend too, ya know.” She wrapped an arm around Kairi’s shoulders. “Besides, this is the woman who did all the thinking.”

The nurse came back and handed the baby to Leon. He sat down next to Aerith, holding the baby as gently as possible. Leon stared into the child’s face silently for a minute as if memorizing every detail possible.

“Yuffie,” Leon said quietly. “I want you to be this child’s godmother.”

“Me?” Yuffie squawked.

“You’re rash, impulsive, childish, and an idiot, but you come through when needed. There is no doubt in my mind you would support our son.”

“We also want Tifa to be a godmother,” Aerith added. “That’s something we decided a while ago and it would be a good balance.”

“I accept,” Tifa said.

“I—” Yuffie stared at Kairi, who grinned back broadly. “Hell yeah I accept!”

A small black cat doll, modeled after the Cat Sith cartoon character, popped into the room. This was shortly followed by Sora and Riku. They shuffled in and stood hesitantly by Kairi and Yuffie.

“Kairi told us you were giving birth,” Sora said sheepishly. “So we thought we’d stop by.” He gave the baby the doll. “What did you name him?”

“Reeve,” Aerith said. “Reeve Tuesti Leonhart.”

“Good name,” Yuffie said, before the four said their goodbyes. They left the hospital to celebrate little baby Reeve’s birth and catch some of the New Year’s Eve celebrations. It was already dark out as they walked on the sidewalk under the streetlight’s glow.

‘It’s a shame,’ Yuffie though, hugging Kairi as they walked. ‘Aerith and Leon have to cancel tonight’s New Year’s Party. Wouldn’t be any fun without the hosts. Oh well, there are a lot more important things in life…’ She glanced up at Kairi, who had run ahead to tackle Riku. ‘…like family.’


	15. Jousting with Needles

'Hmm… if I switch this class to late Thursday morning, that opens most of Tuesday morning and pushes my discussion to Monday afternoon. Where do I move that other class to get Tuesday morning off?' Kairi wondered, drawing on a copy of her prospective class schedule.

A roar came from the TV and popcorn hit the back of Kairi’s head. The college student turned to see what was going on behind her. Popcorn was scattered all over the couch and floor with even a few pieces clinging to the screen by static electricity. Yuffie danced in place, for once not on the coffee table, tossing gummi bears into the air. She caught roughly half of them.

That recently familiar throb started in Kairi's head again. Rubbing her temples she demanded, "What exactly is so important that you're leaping like a loony?"

"Tokyo finally took the lead," Yuffie said happily. "Score's 3 to 2 now!"

"You do remember Tokyo U is playing against my school, right?" Kairi asked. She wasn't particularly annoyed with Yuffie's enthusiasm, but the blaring TV and the lights were really bothering her today.

"Right. But still, Kairi, you've gotta come over and check out the game." Yuffie dragged Kairi to the couch and avidly explained the game’s progression.

The only three-foot difference seemed to increase the noise exponentially. It felt like Kairi's head was being split apart by chisels. She stood up unsteadily and stumbled away. After walking into a wall once—all the lights were too bright to have her eyes open—Kairi made it into the bedroom and under the covers.

"Kairi are you okay?" Yuffie asked asked, coming to the bedroom doorway.

"My head… it-it hurts."

A few centuries later, if the throbbing in Kairi’s temples was any way to keep track of time, Yuffie was next to her with a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers. Kairi was ready to down the entire bottle, but Yuffie only gave her four pills.

"I probably shouldn't even be giving you this much, but if you're even in a third of the pain you look like you're in I figure this is okay. Besides, this isn’t that much over the advised dose. I mean, I was on way more of these things when I had my wisdom teeth pulled.”

Kairi swallowed the water and pills, wishing that they could take effect immediately. She curled back up into a ball under the covers. This was the worst headache she had ever experienced. There had been several bad ones within the last month, but this was crazy. Kairi couldn’t do anything, but curl up in pain trying to ride it out. It hurt too much to even think about falling asleep to escape the headache. She vaguely wondered if this was what migraines were like. Yuffie climbed into bed next to Kairi and rubbed her neck and back. She just stayed by her lover’s side; trying to take Kairi’s mind off the pain she was experiencing. They stayed like that for the rest of the afternoon.

That evening after Kairi was feeling a little better, Yuffie inquired about the headache. Kairi explained that this monstrous headache was the third one she had this month. She didn’t know what set them off, but they were incredibly painful and made it so she couldn’t stand light or sound when she was having one. The doctor she had visited after the first one couldn’t really give her any help beyond prescribing medication that made her so dizzy she couldn’t walk, which made them useless as it was preventative. After today’s experience Kairi was willing to consider going back to see if there were any other available treatments.

“I’m taking you to a friend’s tomorrow to see if she can help with the headaches,” Yuffie said.

“I don’t know if your friend can help me,” Kairi said slowly. She had visions of Rikku forcing her to drink salt water while standing on her head.

“Oh come on, my friend knows what she’s doing. I promise that she can help, or at least not make it worse.”

“I hope you’re right,” Kairi muttered, but she agreed to take Yuffie up on her offer.

***

“This is a tattoo shop,” Kairi said bluntly.

“Yeah,” Yuffie said, pushing her girlfriend into the shop. “This is where my friend works.”

“So what, a tattoo is supposed to fix my headaches?”

“Ah Yuffie, so nice to see you again. Who is your friend?” woman called out as she walked into the front of the shop.

She was an Asian woman, probably a few years older than Yuffie, though that was hard for Kairi to tell. Her face was covered with a white powder that hid any imperfections, save for a single mole on her left cheek, though the rest of her skin was a pale ivory only a shade darker than the make up. Her long lustrous black hair was pulled into a complex bun held in place by chopsticks adored with dangling decorative baubles. As the woman came toward them Kairi noticed her dress seemed to be made entirely of belts.

Kairi thought she was absolutely stunning.

“This is my friend, Lulu,” Yuffie introduced. “I think we might be related.”

“We are,” Lulu said.

“Anyway, she’s pretty cool. Besides being an amazing and incredibly talented tattoo artist, she’s an acupuncturist.”

“An acupuncturist?” Kairi repeated, giving Yuffie a look.

“It’s traditional medical method that works,” Yuffie said defensively. “There have been studies and everything to prove it.”

“Yuffie is right. There have been many studies showing that acupuncture improves a variety of ailments,” Lulu agreed. “Treatment works by opening chakras and allowing the natural flow to return to the body. You may not believe it, but it works, Ms…”

“Hart. My name is Kairi Hart.”

“So you’re the Kairi Yuffie’s always talking about. I thought you might be when she brought you in today.”

“The Kairi?” Kairi asked, turning to Yuffie again and to give her another look. 

“I brag about you a lot,” Yuffie grinned then shrugged. 

“What have you been saying about me?”

“She’s said that you value the truth, that you base most of your decisions on facts and evidence, weighing the costs and benefits instead of your feeling at the moment. You don’t leave much room for flights of fancy, but you still have an active imagination. Yuffie also said you appreciate her humor and sense of whimsy.”

“Oh,” Kairi said, feeling a little embarrassed. She really needed to give Yuffie more credit.

“Yuffie just scheduled an appointment for you,” Lulu continued. “She didn’t say it was about or even what service I’m supposed to provide.”

“I’ve been having terrible headaches for a month.”

“Acupuncture it is. Yuffie, why don’t you come back in an hour?”

“Kay.” Yuffie saluted Lulu, kissed Kairi, and strolled out of the shop.

Kairi glanced nervously at Lulu. She didn’t normally feel nervous around strangers, but she couldn’t get over the fact that she was now trusting alternative medicine. She grew up scoffing at this sort of thing and never imagined that she would ever try it. Lulu led the redhead into a back room away from the tattooing equipment and designing tools. Kairi sat down on a long table covered with paper. Lulu sat down on a stool and pulled on a pair of latex gloves.

“This won’t work if you refuse to believe in the possibility of it,” Lulu said. “The mind’s willingness is what the body allows to alter and improve via acupuncture.”

“Like you said, I tend not to believe in things without proof.”

“Yuffie believes in acupuncture.”

“Yuffie also believes in fairies, ghosts, and that our government is run by alien bunnies that shoot lasers from their ears. I’m going to need better assurances than that.”

“That’s true, but acupuncture is very real. I received my acupuncturist license in Jahara while working with Grand Geomancer Yugelu. I have also studied under the Dragon Emperor’s personal physician. Even now I attend yearly medicine seminars where I explain acupuncture and add new information and techniques to my body of knowledge.”

“Okay,” Kairi said slowly. She took several deep breaths trying to relax. Lulu even pointed out her medical practitioner licenses, which proved the state thought she knew what she was doing.

“I need to check your chakras.”

“My chakras?” She had heard of chakras when they were occasionally mentioned in movies or conversation before, but it had never been explained what exactly they did or even what they were.

“Those are points in an organism where large wells of energy reside. There are seven of them that control the various aspects of the human body. If they are blocked or harmed it results in physical, sometimes serious, problems manifesting in the body.”

“I guess that makes sense.” If Kairi was going to accept the existence of chakras for the sake of this treatment, she may as well accept that they could have problems. All parts of the body broke down, so it was only logical that chakras did as well. 

Lulu fixed her gaze on Kairi. She looked almost like she was trying to see through the redhead. Despite feeling uncomfortable, she did her best not to fidget. After a minute Lulu walked over to inspect her more closely. This level of scrutiny was unsettling enough Kairi shut her eyes to avoid Lulu’s stare. She didn’t know what her acupuncturist was doing, but assumed Lulu was checking out the general health of her chakras and not simply trying to wig her out.

“If you were a decade older,” Lulu started, “I would be an aggressive diet and exercise plan to go with the acupuncture, then suggest visiting your doctor to consider heart medication. In fact, you may still want to make some positive life changes and schedule a check up. You have a lot of blockage in your chakra system. A couple of them are almost completely blocked, which is a dangerous predicament.”

“What?” Kairi asked, startled.

“Your crown and base need to be opened and all of them need to be cleaned out. The best and quickest way to clean out your system is acupuncture. There will, of course, be energy remaining in your system, but all of those bad blocks need to be pulled out.”

“Do I need to… remove anything?” Kairi asked.

Lulu started to shake her head, but then said, “Your socks and shoes please. Then lie down.”

Kairi did as she was asked. She noted as she lay down on the table that it was pleasantly cool and there was a small surprisingly soft pillow for her face.

“And how do needles fix blockage?”

“They reestablish proper flow of energy within your body. Think of the Qi and Que within your body as being like a river, which dries up or pools in the wrong places when a blockage occurs. Placing needles at the correct position within your energy channels restores the balance and obliterates the blockages. This ought to solve your headaches. Now please lie very still.”

“Do you have to put any on my face?” Kairi asked nervously, shutting her eyes. It was surprising how easily she had accepted a woman sticking needles into her body.

“Not for this particular treatment,” Lulu said. “We are dealing with stress, as that seems to be the root cause of your current issues. If you would like to come back for other treatments in the future, perhaps for working on your self actualization, that would require needles in that region.”

Kairi shivered when Lulu picked up her hand. There were several points of pressure on the back of her hand, a couple of mildly painful pricks, and then the patient felt nothing. Either Lulu was as good as she claimed to be or else Kairi’s nerves had just died. She could see several needles in her arm and hand, but didn’t feel the insertions. That was an odd experiences.

Lulu continued, inserting needles into her other appendages. As the woman continued her work she explained the properties of what she was doing. The process itself was strangely relaxing. Kairi felt herself slowly unwinding and the pressure in her shoulders abated. By the time Lulu finished Kairi felt like an uncooked noodle. Either that or a dissected worm pinned to a tray. Whatever the case, she didn’t want to move.

‘This is surprisingly nice, but the next time I want to relax, I’m getting a massage,’ Kairi thought suppressing a snicker.

Lulu had moved away from Kairi. She had no idea where the other woman was. Normally that would alarm Kairi, as she still had dozens of needles in her skin that needed to be precisely removed, but she felt too relaxed and peaceful to worry about being alone. She could smell smoky heather now that she was certain wasn’t there before. The smell didn’t do much for Kairi, but it was also soothing in a way she couldn’t describe.

Kairi had no idea how long she lay on the table, but eventually she heard Lulu again. The acupuncturist said she was “calling” Kairi back, whatever that meant, before she picked up the redhead’s foot and removed the pins. She removed pins in the inverse order from which she implanted them in Kairi’s body. Then, after all the pins were removed, Lulu helped Kairi sit up.

“How are you feeling?” Lulu asked.

“Surprisingly good,” Kairi said, “and incredibly peaceful.”

“That’s acupuncture for you.”

Kairi slowly rose from the table and stretched. She felt lighter than normal and incredibly relaxed. As she pulled on her shoes though, life’s little hassles crept back to the forefront of Kairi’s cerebellum. She had to make her lab report and work on memorizing her new English verbs. Olette’s birthday was coming up and Kairi owed her something amazing after what she had done for Kairi’s birthday. Yuffie had a dentist’s appointment scheduled, but Kairi still hadn’t figured out how to trick her into going yet.

‘And I need a haircut,’ Kairi finished, brushing red locks out of her eyes. ‘Should I do it myself or get it professionally done?’

“I think I am starting to see the actual problem,” Lulu said. “What are you thinking about right now? At this exact moment.”

“Homework, Yuffie’s dentist appointment—” Kairi started ticking off her schedule on her fingers.

“Enough,” Lulu interrupted. “You must calm down and let go of this stress. All of it. You carry too much stress all the time and let it build without releasing any if your stress, not even when the thing causing the stress ceases. As this compounds it manifests into physical ills for you. Take a personal day. In fact, start taking personal days regularly, even if you have to schedule them. No matter what I suggest I doubt you’ll stop worrying, but regular physical exercise should release it. Also, take up yoga. It helps with relaxation, and if nothing else, makes you more limber.”

Kairi accepted a card from Lulu and then left the backroom. She saw Yuffie quietly flipping through a tattoo design book. When the surfer saw her Yuffie dropped the book on the counter and sidled over to her girlfriend.

“How’d it go?” Yuffie asked, leading Kairi out of Lulu’s shop.

“Don’t we have to pay?” Kairi asked.

“Already did it,” Yuffie said nonchalantly. “And even if I hadn’t, Lulu knows where I live. So…?”

“I have unhealthy levels of stress that could cause a chakra induced heart attack.”

“Seriously?”

“Well not exactly, but I should take up yoga to relax. Most importantly, I need to relieve stress my life.”

“What stress? I mean, I believe you and everything… but I’m not really certain what stress you have.”

“Oh, you know, school, work, our finances and lots of social obligations,” Kairi said flippantly. She refrained from adding, ‘Plus you’re gone most of the time, so life completely flips when you’re around. I love having you around, but you were on more of a pattern.’

“I’ve got to loosen you up again,” Yuffie laughed, giving Kairi a half hug.

“I’m scared already,” Kairi said.

“Don’t be, I’ll make it a blast!”

***

“I’ve got us tickets!” Yuffie squealed.

Kairi carefully stuck her bookmark in place before looking up at her girlfriend. Yuffie excitedly waved two tickets and stuck them in her face, but they were too close for Kairi to read. She shoved the hand away, which didn’t seem to bother Yuffie in the slightest as the ninja started hopping in place. Feeling that she wouldn’t be able to do anymore reading for rest of the weekend, Kairi slowly sat up and fixed her gaze on the other woman.

“Tickets to what?” Kairi asked.

“We’re going to the fair!”

“The fair?”

“The midevily fair, you know, the one with the fighting, the swishing, and the horses,” Yuffie explained, swinging the tickets as if they were a broadsword.

“The Renaissance Fair?”

“That’s the one!”

‘Doesn’t that occur in May… at the earliest?’ Kairi thought, sighing. “When are we leaving?”

“Soon as we get you dressed.”

It was only then that Kairi noticed Yuffie was dressed in a light green kimono. She should have noticed sooner, the sleeves billowed out with Yuffie’s every motion. Kairi smiled at her girlfriend; it was a treat to see Yuffie in a dress.

“Am I wearing one of those too?”

“Naw, I thought you could wear that purple dress with the poofy sleeves and bodice.”

“A bodice? Do I have any dresses with bodices?”

“Yeah, you do, because it’s got that sash around the waist that accents the separation between the top and bottom of the dress on several of your dresses. I think bodices look pretty on you, especially with the V-neck cut,” she finished.

“I did not know the exact definition of bodice. Good to know,” Kairi said. “I’m impressed you knew.”

“Come on, Kairi,” Yuffie said, pulling Kairi by the arms off the couch. “If we’re both in costume we get free stuff and can interact with the midevily actors.” She hustled the redhead into the bedroom.

“You do mean medieval, right?”

“…Yeah.”

Kairi pulled the purple dress Yuffie had mentioned out of their closet. Glancing over her shoulder she noticed Yuffie sitting on the bed staring at her. The ninja was fiddling with one of Yuna’s shed feathers, but her gaze was firmly fixed on Kairi.

“Are you gonna just sit there and watch me?” Kairi asked.

“I was thinking about it.”

“Out!” Kairi bellowed, throwing the surfer out of the bedroom. She didn’t mind changing in front of Yuffie, it was just it seemed a bit sleazy to change while Yuffie was staring at her like that. Besides, if she actually did that then they’d never get out if the house.

They left after Kairi fed Yuna and set down fresh water. She didn’t know how long their adventure at the Renaissance fair would last and she wanted to ensure they didn’t come home to a starving angry bird. Considering how extended some of their afternoon excursions became it seemed prudent. Kairi and Yuffie caught a trolley downtown then transferred onto a unicorn-print bus. It was the ‘Official Renaissance Bus’ and it took them to the fairgrounds. Clearly they weren’t the only fair goers without motorized vehicles.

As they entered the fairgrounds Kairi was hit by the lack of reality. Everyone was wearing colorful clothing that looked completely unpractical as they walked around. Perhaps these were actual styles employed in the past, but not by everyone and certainly not for a hot day in a crowd. She looked around for any signs of a gatekeeper, but no one seemed to be collecting tickets or even paying attention to the newcomers. The scene felt chaotic and disorganized to Kairi, especially since there were chickens milling about in the crowd. She didn’t know how the fair was making a profit if this was how they ran their business.

A juggler nearby suddenly belched a ball of fire, startling Kairi. Sensing her discomfort, Yuffie said, “Just relax, Kairi. It’s a little weird at first, but I swear these things are great. There are some really cool shows and everyone is super into keeping character. You’ll love the jewelry and the scarves.”

“What kind of jewelry and scarves?”

“Let’s go find some so I don’t have to give specific details!” Yuffie grabbed Kairi’s hand and pulled her into the crowd.

To the redhead’s surprise, Yuffie didn’t rush them through the crowd to find the jewelry or scarves. They ambled along through all the people, but feeling delightfully separate from everyone else. Yuffie quietly explained what the blacksmith was doing as they watched him forge something, it looked like a horseshoe. They moved on to watch a cooper make a barrel and then a woman churn butter. The butter churning wasn’t that exciting. They kept moving from stall to stall. There seemed to be hundreds of merchants and artisans trying to sell their wares. Most of the vendors hawked cheap trinkets or food, but there were also weapons, clothing, art, and other more expensive objects for sale. They brought pork buns from one vendor and apples from another for lunch.

Shortly after they finished eating Kairi found the scarf merchant. She admired the craftsmanship and detail in the scarves, but couldn’t see herself ever needing one. Yuffie seemed to love them though. She kept stroking the material with the tips of her fingers and oohing and aahing over the designs. Every now and then the surfer would pluck out a scarf and arrange it on Kairi. Privately Kairi felt none of the scarves Yuffie chose matched her complexion, but they all seemed to look good on Yuffie.

‘I got it, you want one,’ Kairi thought, smiling as Yuffie juggled the scarves to the merchant’s horror. ‘I don’t know which one you really want, but I’ll figure it out.’

“They’re such pretty colors,” Kairi said. “Which one is your favorite?”

“The blue ones are really pretty,” Yuffie said. “But then the green, yellow, and purple ones are also beautiful.”

‘She’s trying to figure out which one I want. Probably so she can “borrow” it later,’ Kairi realized, smirking. She turned to the merchant. “What do you think?”

“Pray thee fair lady, I would have to say that all the colors suits thee well,” the vendor said, smiling. She then added, “You have an excellent color palate.”

“Yuffie?” Kairi said, getting her girlfriend’s attention. “As pretty as these are, I don’t actually wear scarves. I think I’d like to look at them for a little longer, but could you go and get some strawberries please? I saw a man selling some really nice ones aback a little ways and we could eat them while catching a few shows.”

“On it,” Yuffie promised, saluting before bounding off into the crowd.

“Now before she gets back, do you have any scarves with oriental motifs?” Kairi asked. “Preferably blue with tigers on it.”

***

Kairi clapped excitedly as the bard finished singing. As the bard, an older gentlemen named Galuf, finished the ballad and stowed his lyre, Kairi sighed. She turned and snuck a glance at Yuffie; the ninja had lost interest now that the song was over. She was fiddling with a piece of grass she had picked up and wiggling a knee impatiently. It was obvious Yuffie wanted to bolt to the next attraction. When the crowd around the bard had dispersed enough that Kairi figured they could move on she stood up and then helped Yuffie off their wooden bench.

“So what should we do next?” Kairi asked.

“Maybe we could—” Yuffie began, but her thought was cut off when a pair of hands wrapped around her waist, hoisted her up into the air, and cantered away with her. It was sudden; neither girl had any time to react. One moment Yuffie was standing there thinking, the next she was gone, carried off on the back of a horse.

It wasn’t until Yuffie was out of sight that Kairi was able to process what had happened. An armored horseman had just kidnapped her girlfriend. Kairi started following the route the horseman took. Sadly, she wasn’t anywhere near as fast as a running horse, so she quickly lost track of them. At least all of the other visitors could tell her which way the ‘girl in a kimono on the back of a horse’ went.

Eventually Kairi arrived at the jousting grounds. The stands were full of people chattering among themselves. One armored man—a knight?—was sitting atop a horse at one end of the field, seemingly waiting for something to start. There was tension in the air; even Kairi could feel it and she had just arrived. She scanned the crowd, looking for Yuffie, hoping she hadn’t been taken somewhere else. Nothing popped out at her until she looked in the royal box. There she saw the shimmering green of Yuffie’s kimono.

Kairi jogged around the edge of the field toward the royal box. Yuffie sulked in a chair near the edge of the box. There was an armed guard standing next to her. She had a feeling the guard wasn’t there to protect her girlfriend. The ninja perked up when she saw Kairi. Surging to the front of the stands, Yuffie leaned over the railing. 

“Kairi,” she hissed, “you gotta get me outta here.”

“What’s going on?”

“Apparently those tickets I got put us in the weekend’s storyline. I’ve become the prize, the prize! You’ve gotta win this jousting tournament, Kairi, there’s no way I want anything to do with these yahoos.”

“I’ll see what I can do, Yuffie,” Kairi said dubiously. ‘There’s no way I can win. I’ve never been on a horse before.’

Yuffie blew her a kiss before Kairi walked away. As Kairi continued to walk away she tried to think about how she could save Yuffie. Technically there wouldn’t be any punishment if Kairi couldn’t do anything, it was only a Renaissance fair, but Yuffie had gotten into the event and would be annoyed if Kairi didn’t try her best. She didn’t have a clue how to get involved though.

A horseman trotted past the other knight to the far end of the field. Both men hefted their lances into position. A cheer rose from the crowd and the king gave a signal. The knights charged each other. There was a sickening crunch as the men collided and then the knight that passed Kairi flew off his horse. He landed in the mud, climbing out with a squelch before drawing his sword. He pulled the other man climbed off his horse and the battle continued as hand-to-hand combat.

‘I can’t do that,’ Kairi thought horrified. ‘I’ll break my neck soaring off the horse, I’m maybe half the weight as those men and I have no horse—I can’t joust! I don’t even have my sword with so I can’t fight. I wish I hadn’t worn this dress.’

Kairi’s train of thought broke off when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see a big man in a suit of armor looming over her. The large goat horns on the helmet made him look rather ominous and made the redhead nervous. She did not like strange men touching her.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“Lady Kairi?” the tin can asked.

‘How does he know who I am?’ Kairi wondered, giving a slight nod.

The man removed his helmet. This revealed a hardened face with a scar between the eyes. He had blonde hair, long hair, long for a man, pulled back from his face. He had probably shared that morning, but it looked like he needed to again. The face would have been just as menacing as his helmet, except he had a pleasant smile and seemed to be waiting for Kairi to recognize him. He looked a bit familiar, but at first Kairi couldn’t place him.

“Basch fon Ronsenburg,” she said at last.

“It is a delight to see you again, my lady,” he smiled, nodding at her. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I am a Judge. Within the fair that means I am a highly ranked knight, similar to your more modern term of ‘general’ used in modern militaries, and am in direct service to the king himself.”

“How long have you been a judge? Or rather, how long have you been a part of the Renaissance fair?”

“I have been a part of this world for almost a dozen years.”

“Does Tifa know?”

“Not yet,” Basch said, smiling, “but I hope to bring my lady love to the fair for an event or two before the season wanes.”

“Do you have a horse?” Kairi asked, a plan slowly forming as she looked at him. 

“A fine one.”

“Do you joust?”

“I would not be a knight if I could not.”

“Would you win the tournament so I could get my girlfriend back?”

“Would it not be better if you won your lady back personally?” Basch asked, blinking owlishly at her.

“The only horse I’ve ever been on was the wooden rocking horse my grandfather gave me when I was three.”

Basch winced at Kairi’s lack of horsemanship. “I see. Well, then I will certainly honor your request. I could never turn down a lady’s request.”

“Thank you, Basch,” Kairi said happily, giving him a hug.

“May I have a token of your affections?”

‘Excuse me?’ Kairi thought, giving the Judge a stern look.

“A handkerchief is the one most commonly given. The token shows that the knight is fighting in the name of a lady.”

“Oh,” Kairi said, feeling relieved. She pulled out her earlier purchase. “Technically this is suppose to be for Yuffie, but since you are fighting for her on my behalf, I figure this is okay.”

She unwrapped the scarf slowly. The blue scarf suddenly revealed several Siberian tigers stitched onto both ends of the accessory. They were sleek and powerful looking. Kairi thought it was a beautiful scarf and knew Yuffie would love it the moment she saw it. Basch carefully accepted the scarf. He wrapped it around his neck, making certain that none of it was sticking outside of his armor. Then he gave her a salute and pulled on his helmet again, reclaiming his dangerous visage. 

“By my honor I will win this tournament in thy name, my lady,” Basch swore, thumping his metal breastplate. His voice was deeper and more rumbling in the helmet.

As Basch clanked away, Kairi allowed herself to smile. She wasn’t going to have to joust. She could even probably hang out with Yuffie to watch the event. She skipped back toward the arena. When she returned to the royal box’s perimeter, Yuffie excitedly greeted her. After the redhead explained what had happened, Yuffie sat back in silence. Kairi was worried that she had upset her girlfriend.

“You think he’s any good?” Yuffie asked.

“Well, he said he’s a judge, so probably. That’s a pretty high rank here.”

“I’m sorry you can’t sit up here with me. I’d come down and sit with you, but these asses—” Yuffie jerked her thumb at her guards. “—won’t let me do anything.”

“It’s fine, I’ll just sit here in front of the box. I’m out of bounds, so I shouldn’t be hit by anything or anyone.”

The next set of knights arrived for their jousting match. They charged each other and this time both knights were unseated from their horses. Once they were standing, they started hacking and slashing at each other with swords. Eventually one man fell, causing the other to be declared the winner. The horses were rounded up and the loser dragged off the field.

This pattern continued for another ten or fifteen sets of knights before Basch appeared. Kairi could recognize him by the distinctive helmet. He rode out on a great black charger. The match between Basch and the other knight was no contest. The other knight didn’t even touch his lance to Basch’s shield before he was thrown off his horse.

Basch appeared in a surprisingly large number of matches. The odd thing Kairi noticed was that he rode two different horses. Sometimes he was on the black charger that Kairi had seen first, but other times he rode a smaller brown horse. At least he was winning all of his fights.

Eventually the number of jousting knights dwindled down to a select few. Basch appeared in what seemed like every match, still constantly winning. Then, suddenly it was announced that they were on the final match. Kairi perked up. She found the jousting distasteful and boring, so she had started to tune it out, but now she was excited that the matches would finally be over.

‘So Basch will be facing…’ Kairi thought, waiting for the second knight to appear. ‘…Basch?’

Kairi’s confusion was valid. The challenger was Basch on the black charger, yet Basch of the brown horse was already in position to joust. Kairi examined the two knights, noting that they had the same armor, the same crest on their shield, and while Kairi was no expert, they appeared to have the same fighting style. The only difference she could see between the men was their horses.

The Basches charged each other. They smashed into each other’s shields with a resounding crack as their lances shattered. Both men seemed to think nothing of their split lances and patiently waited as the attendants rearmed them. They attacked each other again, yielding similar results. The Judges, for they had both been announced as Judges, were evenly matched.

The crowd by this point was ecstatic. They wanted the men on the ground. They wanted a duel with broadswords. They wanted blood. Kairi stared at her fellow fairgoers. One wrong move and she and Yuffie would be in the middle of a riot. Kairi glanced up at her girlfriend. Yuffie was chanting along with the rest of the crowd. ‘

She’ll be leading the riot,’ Kairi silently corrected.

The third run was about to begin. If neither man could be knocked off, there would be fighting on the ground, probably until someone was maimed. Kairi didn’t want to be the cause of Basch’s death; Tifa had enough problems finding good men as it was, she didn’t need her friends killing them off too.

The signal was given. The horses thudded down the well-beaten path. Lances raised for attack, their metal tips gleaming in the sunlight. Pole and shield connected. The black charger Basch’s tip slid off his mark, but the brown horse Basch’s aim was true. The black charger Basch lost his shield, thereby giving up ground and losing the match.

Kairi breathed a sigh of relief.

The black charger Basch wasn’t down for the count though. As he passed by the brown horse Basch, he interlocked his arm with the still crooked shield arm of the other Basch. The knights were locked in place. The horses however, were not bound by any restrictions. They continued their canters, unseating both men at the same time. They hit the ground with a defining rattle. That was what the black charger Basch wanted. Neither man had won. The Judges would duel on the ground.

Both Basches drew their swords. There was a loud clang as the swords struck each other. They withdrew and tried to attack from the sides, mirroring each others’ moves. Attack and parry. Attack and parry. The Basches circled each other, looking for the other’s weak point. It was like watching a man and his doppelganger, except Kairi couldn’t tell which was the original.

One Basch threw an uppercut as if to cleave the other’s ribcage in two. The second Basch leapt back as he swung his own broadsword down on his opponent’s head. Both hits collided with their helmets. The Basch who received the upper cut leapt away from the fight. The other Basch followed eagerly, only to have the front of his armored face smashed with the flat of a blade. Both men’s helmets were crumbling.

The upper cut Basch removed his helmet and shook his head. It was Basch. Suddenly Basch threw his helmet at the other man’s head and nimbly sidestepped the other Judge’s charge. The other man’s helmet couldn’t take any more abuse; a large chunk fell off it. He peeled off the rest of the helmet revealing another Basch.

‘Am I in a soap opera with an evil twin now?’ Kairi thought, feeling annoyed. She couldn’t tell them apart from this distance.

The Basches faced each other again in silence. Even the crowd seemed surprised by this development. Their earlier cheers died out, as they were too enthralled to see what happened next. Twin Basches didn’t seem to be that normal of an occurrence. Kairi didn’t know if that was a good thing.

“Gabranth!” shouted one of the Basches. “Give up now and amend your evil ways!”

“And what would be the fun in that?” the other Basch, Gabranth, asked. “Dear Brother?”

A murmur rolled through the crowd. Kairi knew nothing about the fair’s politics, but it seemed the fact Basch and Garanth were brothers was a shock. Kairi shook her head. Anyone who saw their faces should have been able to tell they were related. They were obviously identical twins.

“It would save me from having to slay you!” Basch continued, “and save you from a death in agony! Begone foul naïve!”

Gabranth lifted his sword again and restarted the battle. Kairi watched for a couple moments as the blades whizzed through the air. The swords made an unholy din every time they came in contact and if she hadn’t had the acupuncture earlier she’d be on the ground in agony. She was sick of fighting, sitting on the grass, and the crowd. The tournament had to end now, before someone got seriously hurt, and if the boys in the ring couldn’t manage it she’d end it for them.

“Hey, Yuffie?” Kairi called.

“Yeah babe?”

“Are there any swords up there you can nick?”

“You want any particular type?” Yuffie asked, looking around.

“One I know how to use.”

“Got it.” Yuffie disappeared. Kairi waited for a couple minutes and then Yuffie was waving a keyblade at her. “Be careful, Kairi, I think it’s the King’s.”

‘You stole the King’s sword?’ Kairi thought in shock as she caught the weapon. ‘…I guess I did just put you up to it.’

Kairi stood up and hefted the weapon. The balance was good, but the grip wasn’t right for her. She swung the blade. It wasn’t perfect, but it would do. Now that she was armed she entered the ring and strode up to the fighting brothers. 

“You two need to end this,” she said. The men ignored her. Kairi sighed, shaking her head. Then, mimicking her mother’s best ‘mom’ voice, Kairi ordered, “Basch fon Ronsenburg! Stop fighting with your brother at once!” 

When they still ignored her she swiftly swung the keyblade up into their clash. It hit Gabranth’s sword with a clang. Kairi was correct in her assessment of Gabranth’s intentions and surprised him into halting his attack. Grunting, she shoved both swords hard enough to knock the flabbergasted man off balance to the ground. With a well placed smack to the back of the knees Kairi sent Gabranth tumbling to the ground. Before he could recover she stuck her keyblade to his throat.

“Shut up and stay there until I’m done talking to Basch,” Kairi snapped.

Gabranth opened his mouth in surprise, but then shut it again without saying anything. Basch looked just as surprised as Gabranth did. While he still had his sword in hand the Judge’s guard was wide open. He just stood there gaping like a goldfish and Kairi believed she could have taken him out in a snap if she had a second keyblade to hurl at his head.

“I want you to stop fighting before someone gets seriously hurt,” Kairi said. “I know I asked you to win, but in the end, Yuffie’s coming home with me no matter what happens here. The Renaissance Fair doesn’t actually kidnap people. I don’t want either of you getting hurt for some stupid petty reason. Can you please stop?”

Basch smiled and gave a slight bow to Kairi. “But of course, I concede to you, my lady.”

‘What? Why is he conceding to me?’ Kairi wondered, frowning at Basch.

“We have a winner!” Basch announced, giving a low bow to Kairi. The crowd broke into cheers.

“Can you let me up now?” Gabranth asked.

“I’m confused,” Kairi said.

“You entered the challenge and beat me. Then you got Basch to concede,” Gabranth explained. “You won fair and square. Now can you let me up?”

“Of course,” Kairi said, removing the keyblade. She felt more than a little confused about her current circumstances. Things just weren’t adding up for her.

“Do you have any particular title we should announce you by?” Gabranth asked.

She shook her head, Kairi was more interested in the girl kicking the royal guards. Basch left to pull Yuffie off the helpless soldiers. It wasn’t fair to the poor men that they had to deal with a fully trained ninja. They were probably just guys who liked to dress up and carry a spear.

“Make way for Princess Kairi!” Gabranth announced. He smirked at Kairi, then placed the girl onto his black charger.

Gabranth led the horse through the crowd that had descended into the field after the tournament ended. One man asked what country was Kairi from. Another asked what made her enter into the contest. They all seemed to treat Kairi’s win like a joke, which considering the fact Basch had basically rolled over and shown his belly, it kinda was. If she ever found herself in a tournament like this again she’d win or lose completely by her own mettle. 

“I’m from a country that’s… far far away?” Kairi said, uncertainly. She accepted her scarf back from Basch. Yuffie suddenly leapt onto the back of the horse. This unexpected addition nearly toppled the redhead, but her girlfriend was able to steady both her and the horse.

“You did great,” Yuffie squealed, hugging Kairi tightly. “I’m glad my sword lessons are paying off.”

Gabranth led them back to the royal box. An older gentleman with large ears, the King, came forward. Kairi sheepishly returned his keyblade. He accepted the return of his weapon with surprising grace and even congratulated her.

“May I ask why you decided to enter our little jousting match, fair princess of the kingdom of Far Far Away?” the King smiled.

“I had to win back my… captain of the guards,” Kairi said, making up a title for Yuffie on the spot. She was getting better at telling stories. “And consort. She’s my consort too.” Yuffie smirked at that addendum.

“Ah.” the King paused briefly. He picked up a thin circlet from the padded velvet pillow beside him. It was the tournament prize, a minor token that boasted of the winner’s skill, though Kairi had also heard from some of the other contestants that the winner also got a free pair of passes to one of next year’s fairs. “Well, you are always welcome in King Mickey’s court.”

“Thank you,” Kairi said, accepting the circlet from King Mickey.

She awkwardly turned the horse away and nudged its sides. Luckily the horse seemed to understand and started walking, allowing her to ride out of the arena. Basch and Gabranth quickly caught up to them. They walked alongside the horse until the crowd had thinned out a bit. Kairi turned in her saddle and presented the scarf to Yuffie, who was delighted to receive her gift.

“Now I just have one question,” Kairi said as the horse cantered along.

“What’s that?” Yuffie asked.

“How do we get off this thing?”

She really didn’t want to fall off the horse. That would be a terrible way to end the day. Yuffie just laughed at her worry. Kairi glared at her girlfriend, but that didn’t faze her in the slightest. As the twins led them toward the stables Yuffie wrapped her arms around her and promised she’d never let Kairi fall. The redhead relaxed against her and let out a soft chuckle at that. She knew Yuffie’s word was good. Besides, it was impossible for Kairi to be mad at Yuffie for very long, especially after a day like today. They were just too good for each other to fight much. That was the way things should be.


	16. Returning for a Picnic

“Are you certain this is a wise idea, Yuffie?” Kairi asked.

“Of course it is, Kairi. The motorcycle is perfectly safe, everything is packed, Yunie is securely fastened on, we both have helmets, a full tank a gas, and a complete map of all the interstates,” Yuffie sighed. “Can we please leave now?”

“Why can’t we take the bus again?” Kairi patted Yuna’s cage hesitantly as she stared at the motorcycle as if it was a vicious beast. Yuffie ran her hands through her hair in frustration.

“The bus doesn’t allow pets. Babe, if we don’t leave now, we’re gonna be driving in the dark and you already said you didn’t want that. What happened to our schedule? You love schedules, and we’re three hours behind on this one! Can we please go already?”

“You rented a motorcycle.” Kairi turned to Yuffie. “How could you rent a motorcycle? You’re not old enough to rent a car, much less a bike. And do you even have a license? I certainly don’t have a license. Plus, you have really bad motion sickness and—”

“Kairi, chill out,” Yuffie said soothingly. She gently rubbed Kairi’s neck. “First, I rented a motorcycle because it’s one of the few vehicles that doesn’t cause me motion sickness. Secondly, the rental company was willing to rent to a professional athlete that could easily afford to replace any bike she broke. The only reason we don’t have one is because we have no place to put it.”

“And we don’t need it due to the trolleys.”

“And we don’t need it due to the trolleys,” Yuffie agreed. “Finally, I have a license, with a motorcycle endorsement. Here.” She handed the redhead her license. Kairi stared at the license intently, flipping it over a few times.

“Is it valid?”

“Is it valid?” Yuffie spluttered. “I got my license at sixteen and my motorcycle license at eighteen. When I took the test my examiner was so grateful that he passed me with flying colors… you know, I never understood why he insisted on walking back to the DMV. When I took my motorcycle test, the same thing happened there too. Funny.”

“Oh god.” Kairi put her face in her hands. “I’m gonna die on some random highway when you plow into a full sized wild chocobo.”

“Now who’s overreacting?” Yuffie asked. “Tell ya what, you can squeeze me as tightly as you want the entire trip. You were really excited when I asked you to come along and I want you to remain that way. So let’s go, I promise you’ll have lots of fun. Believe me, riding a motorcycle is better than flying.”

Kairi slowly picked up her helmet. “Promise me you’ll get us to Wutai in one piece?”

“I promise,” Yuffie grinned as she pulled on her helmet.

Yuffie was as good as her word. For the first hour or so of the trip, any change in speed or direction caused Kairi to tightly squeeze the ninja around the waist. Whenever a vehicle got within ten feet of the motorcycle Yuna squawked in alarm. It was nerve wracking getting out of the city with its heavy traffic, but Yuffie proved a stalwart driver. Eventually, once they were cruising along the highway on their own in the afternoon sun, Yuffie’s passengers began enjoying the ride.

The wind whistled by, trying to wriggle into any crack or crevice available, which made Yuffie feel like they would leave the ground any second. They had an empty stretch of road ahead of them that ran out to touch the sky. The high Yuffie got was comparable only to the one she created when surfing. Kairi seemed to be experiencing the same high. Slowly, oh so slowly, her grip on Yuffie’s waist relaxed. By the time they were half way to Wutai, Kairi was letting go of Yuffie with one hand to point out animals on the roadside. 

They spent most of the trip singing along to the radio. At one point they stopped at a rest area to stretch their legs and eat, but Yuffie still got them to Wutai before dark. The girls pulled into Godo Kisaragi’s driveway just as the sun set. Kairi was unused to riding in such a fashion and unsteadily climbed off the bike after Yuffie parked the motorcycle.

“Wow,” Kairi laughed hysterically. “That was supposed to be a nine hour drive. We did it in seven and we stopped for a while!”

“Thank you for choosing Kisaragi motor vehicles,” Yuffie drawled. “We get you there fast and in one piece.”

“Thank you, Yuf,” Kairi said, kissing Yuffie, “for not killing us on the way here. How many traffic laws did you break?”

“I’m not sure, maybe eleven? I wasn’t counting. Now come on, you get the bird and I’ll get the bags. I wanna see how the old man is doing.” They hurried to the front door and Yuffie kicked it while bellowing, “Open up ya old geezer!”

The front door opened and a meek looking boy stood on the other side shyly peeking around it. He wore a dojo uniform with the Kisaragi school logo on the chest. Yuffie gently pushed the boy aside and entered her childhood home. Kairi followed after her. The boy shut the front door and hurried over to Yuffie.

“Excuse me,” the boy said.

“Is the old guy here?” Yuffie asked, dropping a bag on the boy. He fumbled the bag, finally got a grip, then gave chase.

“Yes, but he’s eating dinner with the other students right now,” he said, struggling to keep up.

“Prefect. Kid? Stick these in my old room. It’s the one at the end of the east wing, just watch out for the booby traps. The old man couldn’t have gotten through them all… actually, put the bags outside. You wouldn’t look good with a black eye.”

“You’re Yu-Yuffie,” the boy stuttered in awe.

“Yup, kiddo.” Yuffie leaned over and ruffled the kid’s hair. “So how is the old bastard?”

“Fine. I’ll stick these in front of your room then.” He fled with their bags.

“You really scared the boy,” Kairi said. “He didn’t deserve that. What caused that sort of reaction in him anyway?”

“Among my dad’s students I’m a bit of a legend,” Yuffie boasted. “Come on, let’s join the fun. I’m hungry.”

“You did tell your dad we were coming, right?”

“Course I did,” Yuffie said. ‘I didn’t give him an exact date, but I told him.’

They walked into the Kisaragi dining room. Godo sat at the center of a long table. Six or seven boys of various ages sat along the table, respectfully attentive to the dojo master. There were quite a few empty seats around the table. While perhaps this meant the school wasn’t drawing in the attendance like it used to she could hear enough noise from the kitchens to suggest there were still other students yet to sit for dinner. Yuffie strolled in and sat down in the space directly across from her father.

“Hey ya old coot,” Yuffie greeted him.

“You are twenty minutes late, you damn brat,” Godo growled. “We delayed the meal while waiting for you. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“You remember Kairi, right?” Yuffie asked, gesturing at the redhead. Kairi set down Yuna’s carrier down behind their seats, flashed Godo a smile, then took the seat next to her girlfriend.

“Get more bowls,” Godo ordered one of the students. The boy left the room to carry out his order. “Who let you in?”

“A boy smart enough to know that the dojo couldn’t replace its front door if I smashed it down with my foot.”

“Did you take off your shoes before you came trampling through my home?”

“Yes we did, Mr. Kisaragi,” Kairi said.

“You don’t have to talk to the baboon that way, Kairi,” Yuffie said. “He can’t understand pleasantries.” The ninja deftly caught the teacup that whizzed by her ear. She looked it over casually. “You’re serving us in used teacups now? That is really gross.”

“It’s nice to see you, Kairi,” Godo said gruffly.

“How is your leg?” Kairi asked.

“Better, thank you.”

“That was a real nice welcome you had for us,” Yuffie said, sliding the cup across the table to her father. “All the lights were off and we nearly had to jump the gate.”

“Apparently I didn’t leave enough traps for you. You still managed to get in.”

The student returned and carefully set out dishware for the girls. Kairi thanked him. He just nodded and returned to his place near Godo. The boy who let them in entered the dining hall from a side door and slunk over to his seat near the end of the table. Despite his stealthy moves, or perhaps because of them, Godo spotted him.

“Kytes!” he bellowed. “Were you the one who let the worst miscreant this dojo has ever seen back through its doors?”

“Yes sensei,” Kytes mumbled, staring down at his toes.

“Give the kid a break, Godo,” Yuffie said, leaning on the table. “It’s been ages since you’ve spent any time with your darling daughter. Let’s eat! I spent the entire day driving just to get here in time and you haven’t even asked about our trip.”

Godo made a noise that sounded like a cross between a snort and a cough. He pushed a bowl of rice toward Yuffie and refused to say another word during the meal. Not surprisingly, Kairi became the center of attention. All of Godo’s disciples were interested in talking to the beautiful redhead, and more importantly, impress her. Sure, it was important to impress Yuffie too, but that was more a matter of disciples than eye candy. 

Yuffie smirked as she listened to the older boys brag about their rank. They didn’t seem to have caught on that Kairi wasn’t an old student of Godo’s and didn’t actually care that much about their skill. She was mostly polite with the boys, but occasionally they said something that made her laugh. Yuffie made it her mission to make her girlfriend laugh the most during dinner. Perhaps that was petty and the ninja really oughtn’t be getting into competitions with teenage boys, but she felt a real thrill of triumph when Kairi declined an invitation to watch the two eldest boys spar. She preened when Kairi said that no matter what they tried she had seen Yuffie do it better. On their way back to her old room she couldn’t stop laughing about the exchange.

“It’s not that funny,” Kairi said hotly. She was still blushing from their conversation with the boys.

“But the look on that dope’s face was priceless,” Yuffie sniggered. “He couldn’t believe you were with me. When he started gasping after you just flat up told him no I swear he was about to flop about like a fish.”

“Come on, he’s just a boy and he’s probably never met an out lesbian before. If your dad’s previous behavior is any indicator, he must have thought that tough guys always get the pretty girl. Getting his worldview rocked tonight was probably bad enough. You don’t need to make fun of him.”

“Kid’s sixteen. You were sixteen when I met you and I didn’t give you any slack.”

“You were crushing on me.”

“I was,” Yuffie agreed. She stuck a hand out to stop Kairi. “Hang on a minute. I need to de-booby trap the door. Neither one of us wants our hair on fire.”

“When did these booby traps get here anyway?” Kairi asked. “I don’t remember any when we were here last time… when we broke in.”

“Oh, they were there last time. Well, not the old man’s traps, he hadn’t been setting them since I hadn’t been around in ages, but mine were still in place. It’s just they were old and kinda rusty since it had been years since I set them. I was able to easily dismantle them before you got to my room since you were being so hesitant about the whole thing.”

Yuffie jimmied grate off the vent in the wall next to her door. She carefully untied a few knots and moved a few wires carefully lodged within the vent. “When we stopped by I reset them and added a few new ones. We can now open the door and move safely inside. Just don’t touch any windows!”

Kairi carried Yuna and a bag into the room. Yuffie followed with the rest of their stuff. After the ninja shut the door Kairi let Yuna out so that the chocobo could walk around. Yuna seemed annoyed that Yuffie had made her stay in a cage all day. She chased the ninja around the room, trying to peck Yuffie’s sensitive feet.

“This isn’t fair,” Yuffie whined, jumping over the bed. “You’re the one who put her in the cage and you could have let her out before dinner. Why is she chasing me?”

“Yunie,” Kairi called, grabbing the bird as she rushed by. She stroked the bird’s crest and held her close. “Shh, be a good girl for mommy.” Yuna made a few hissing noises toward Yuffie, but happily settled against Kairi’s chest.

“I will never understand why she doesn’t consider me ‘mommy number two.’ I mean, I’ve always been mommy number two,” Yuffie complained, rubbing her feet. She moved over to the window and quickly nullified her snare.

“What I don’t get is the sudden change in behavior,” Kairi said. “The last time we saw Godo you were desperate to please him. What changed?”

Yuffie’s grin faded. “You fixed our relationship, Kairi. Until he snapped his leg I hadn’t talked to him since he found out I was queer and tossed me outta the house. That was a dark time for me, not just because I effectively homeless—I’m really fucking lucky Tifa let me sleep on her couch for the rest of high school as needed—but the old bastard made me think I had tarnished the honor of all my ancestors. Feeling like that makes a girl want to suck up a little; after all, I can’t have every old person who ever contributed to my line pissed with me.”

“That’s some pretty bad karma to think you’re carrying,” Kairi said. “Every time I hear more about your past relationship with your father the less and less I like it.”

“Now that everything’s good we’re acting the way we used to when I lived here,” Yuffie said trying to reassure her girlfriend. This trip would be hard enough for her without Kairi picking a fight with Godo over his past wrongs. “Although we haven’t hit each other yet. I was surprised he only threw a teacup at me.”

Kairi’s brow shot up. “You know, I think I’m glad he doesn’t consider me one of his own.”

“Oh he does,” Yuffie assured. “Kisaragi men—and I guess their lesbians—tend to marry small delicate looking women. That doesn’t mean they don’t learn to fight, it just means they don’t look like they can and everybody is real gentle with them. At least, until they open a can of whoop ass on everyone.”

“There are so many parts of that statement I want to rip apart I don’t know where to begin,” Kairi said.

‘Oh shit,’ Yuffie thought. ‘What were the bad parts?’

“I suppose I should begin with the most troubling,” Kairi mused. “Did you pick me because I have a delicate bone structure and you wanted to follow tradition? Do I even have a delicate bone structure?”

“What? No, no, no! Well, yes, but no!”

“Could you be a little clearer, Yuf?” Kairi asked, putting her chin on her fist.

“Okay, I totally did not decide to spend the rest of my life with you because you had a delicate bone structure and I wanted to be like all the dudes in my family. Yes, you do have a delicate bone structure and I freely admit that’s kinda sexy, but that’s because it’s elegant and swanlike.” Yuffie tried to demonstrate a swan’s neck with her hands. “But like a swan, you’re secretly strong and badass under that façade, though you are much better tempered than an actual swan. Those guys are assholes.

“The point is, maybe there’s some hereditary markers in my DNA that make me swoon for someone who looks like you, I dunno, but if you were all nasty like an actual swan we would not be together, even if you were the sexiest swan on earth. We can’t fight our genetic coding, Kairi, and if I had tried I’d be married to a Jet Lee lookalike and then we’d both completely miserable because we wouldn’t be with each other!”

“Should I start clapping now?” Kairi grinned. She quickly added, “I’m being completely serious. That was probably the best rant I’ve ever heard you give.”

“I was just trying to say that while the looks helped I fell in love with you because you’re you,” Yuffie meekly finished. “Can I get a kiss instead? My head hurts.”

Kairi gave her an amazing smile that was just a hair’s breadth away from being a smirk. She set Yuna on Yuffie’s old desk then patted her lap. Yuffie eagerly climbed into it. They started kissing. It rapidly turned into something more passionate than just kissing. Right as Yuffie undid the redhead’s bra she heard the door open and Godo splutter in shock.

“What are you doing to that poor girl?” Godo bellowed, his face bright red. “You can’t even keep your hands to yourself under my roof?”

Feeling like she was sixteen again, Yuffie yelled back, “God dad, don’t you ever friggin knock?”

***

When the girls arrived at breakfast the next morning all the dojo students couldn’t keep their eyes off them. Having a pair of women at breakfast was unusual enough, but one of them was also the heir to the dojo. It was unsurprising they were so interested and normally Yuffie would reveal in the attention. However, she had caught snatches of the boys’ chatter before coming into the dining room and their conversation was focused on last night. Godo’s outburst had been overheard and sent their imaginations running wild. Yuffie sighed. It was going to be a pain if the boys spent the rest of the visit staring at them like they were strange and dangerous creatures.

‘I hope they don’t expect us to start in on each other right here in front of them,’ Yuffie thought. ‘Kairi certainly wouldn’t go for it.’

“Pass the tea, Yuffie,” Kairi said. Yuffie handed the teapot over to Kairi. “You know it’s a shame that we were interrupted last night.”

“Really?” Yuffie said.

“Yes. Then there would be an actual reason for all the stares.”

“You’re completely right, babe,” Yuffie laughed.

“So you guys are really a couple?” Kytes asked.

“Yup, got a problem with that?” Yuffie asked cheerfully. She turned to the others. “If any of you take issue we can have a conversation about it in the ring. I assure you it will be painful and you will lose.”

The students quickly stopped staring and turned back to their meals. Yuffie smirked. She still completely owned the dojo and now she couldn’t be ignored. She briefly wondered how long it would have taken to instill this sort of terror and respect into the students if she never came out or left home. Probably would have been stuck with more of them trying to date her. She had to deal with enough of that sort of shit in high school. Before she could get completely lost in her memories Kytes tugged at the sleeve of Yuffie’s yukata.

“Yes?”

“Do you think that you’re gonna take over the dojo after your father?” he asked.

“Maybe,” Yuffie said thoughtfully. “I am the heir you know. But the old man is still kicking pretty well and I’m still a pro surfer. What do ya say, Kairi? You wanna be a dojo mistress when we get old?”

Kairi shrugged. “I know nothing about running a dojo and I can’t imagine your dad simply handing it over to you, much less you peacefully accepting it. Someone will probably have to die or get mortally wounded before you take over.”

“That sounds right.” Yuffie turned to Kytes. “You probably don’t have to worry about it in the near future.”

“So what are we doing today?” Kairi asked.

“We are taking a little jaunt to the far reaches of our property to visit my mother,” Yuffie said.

“Your mother? I thought she had passed away,” Kairi said softly.

“She died when I was three, nineteen years ago to the day, actually. We have a tradition of visiting her grave every year on this day. We usually go clean off her tombstone, eat lunch with her and tell her what’s been going on. I’d like to introduce you to her, Kairi.” Kairi nodded to show she understood Yuffie’s explanation.

“I’ll make lunch. How many are going?” Kairi asked.

“You don’t have to, Miss,” Kytes said. “We usually make it, nothing special, but it’s filling.”

“No, I’d like to if it doesn’t upset anything,” Kairi said, smiling at Kytes. “I could use some help, but this is a way I can help contribute. Does everyone go?”

“Naw, usually it’s just me, the geezer, and maybe a student or two to carry the stuff,” Yuffie said, waving a hand. “It’ll probably only be a few people.”

“Then I’d better get started,” Kairi said, getting up from the table. She held out a hand to Kytes. “Wanna show me the kitchen? Yuffie, could you find out from your dad how many are going?”

“Sure,” Yuffie said, also getting up. She already knew where her dad would be, but she still asked one of the boys. Better to double check than look foolish shouting for him in an empty room.

She ambled over to the dojo part of her old home. Godo was in the main training hall practicing on his own. As soon as he noticed her she was drawn into the fight. Yuffie had been expecting this, he always did that sort of thing, but that didn’t mean she was happy having to do six back flips in a row right after she ate.

“Old man!” she yelled, rolling to dodge another one of his killer kicks. 

Suddenly Godo was right next to her slamming his fist into her gut. This really pissed Yuffie off. Here she was trying to help schedule the picnic to visit mom and as usual Godo was acting like an ass. With a bellow, Yuffie grabbed and twisted the offending arm, then threw him over her shoulder at the other end of the hall in one smooth motion. Godo landed safely, he wasn’t a dojo master for nothing, but he wasn’t expecting Yuffie’s attack to immediately continue. She always used to have a bad habit of letting her opponent recover a little before she started a blind charge. Instead her foot slammed into his nose. At the end of her roundhouse kick Godo caught her foot and twisted it, causing the rest of her body to twist. Yuffie landed on her ass.

“You are out of practice,” Godo panted, “Goddamn miscreant.”

“You’ve got arthritis,” Yuffie snapped back, “your kicks were weaker than my baby chocobo’s.”

“You need to come back and practice more. An heir cannot take over the dojo until she can defeat the master.”

“I didn’t come to take your title. I can do that any time. What I want to know is how many people are visiting mom today.”

“Just us.”

“All rightly,” Yuffie said cheerfully. “I’ll tell Kairi to pack for four.”

“Four?” Godo barked. “You’re bringing that girl along?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna introduce her to mom,” Yuffie said. “She’ll probably be nicer to her than you are.” Then she left.

They started out on their trip shortly after that. Right after they got onto the forest trail Yuffie took the picnic basket from Kairi. Then Godo grabbed the picnic basket from Yuffie. The surfer took it back. What was supposed to be a peaceful hike through the woods quickly devolved into a tug-of-war. Eventually Yuffie realized the fight must look incredibly stupid to Kairi and gave up on the basket even though she didn’t want to. Better to let Godo be the victor than have an upset girlfriend. Huffing angrily, Yuffie looked around. Kairi wasn’t there. Yuffie looked around more frantically when she realized they were no longer even on the path. She didn’t know where they were.

“Old man!” Yuffie yelled, grabbing Godo’s neck. “You lost my girlfriend! You got us lost! Where the hell are we?”

“I got us lost? You’re the one who got us lost! This is your fault, brat!”

The Kisaragis glared at each other. Then they started walking in different directions. Godo yelled that she was going the wrong way, but Yuffie ignored him. She didn’t need his help. While it had been a few years since she last wandered through these woods she used to do it all the time. Unless something literally rearranged all the landmarks in the forest she’d more or less be able to find her way around.

‘Like he knows which way to go,’ Yuffie snorted. ‘Compared to him I’m a GPA system… GPS, I meant GPS. Gaa! I’m a freaking compass compared to that bastard!’

She tramped along seething silently. Luckily though Yuffie’s temper had never been one to stay flared for very long and she soon calmed down enough to enjoy the nature surrounding her. There were lots of flying squirrels in the area and Yuffie even saw some foxes. She eventually found her way to a waterfall and, in the excitement of the falling water, Yuffie promptly forgot she had plans.

She immediately stripped off her outer clothing and began playing in the water. The waterfall wasn’t very high, just a few feet, but the pool was very deep. This made it a perfect water slide for Yuffie. She found a large flat slab of wood and turned it into a boogie board. Yuffie didn’t know how many times she went down the waterfall, but before she knew it, it was too dark to see where she was. Feeling a bit sad that the night had put an end to her fun, Yuffie built a fire. She warmed up a little before her stomach loudly informed the ninja that she hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

She waded into the water a little upstream from where she had been playing. Shutting her eyes, Yuffie stood very still and slipped into a calm state. Her breathing slowed. Suddenly her right hand shot into the water and wrapped itself around a slimy moving tail. Yuffie pulled a frantic fish out of the water by its tail. Grinning happily at her prize she bounded back to her fire. The ninja shoved a stick through the fish and delicately set it a few inches above the fire. Yuffie dried herself by the fire until she was only slightly damp then dressed. When the fish smelled too delicious to leave alone she pulled it off the fire and ate. After she finished, Yuffie doused the flames and climbed a tree.

‘I think I was supposed to do something besides play in the water today,’ Yuffie thought. She looked around at all the trees surrounding her. ‘Stupid woods getting in my way so I have no idea where home is. Still, when I get back I really need to show this place to Kairi. We’ll have lots of fun.’

Satisfied with her idea, Yuffie began planning out what she and Kairi would do when they met up again. Yuffie gave up on the planning pretty quickly, though. There were far too many possibilities and she had always found it better to live in the moment. She fell asleep watching the stars.

***

“Yuffie? Yuffie? Oh my god, Yuffie!”

Startled from of her slumber, Yuffie fell out of the tree. She landed with a loud splash in the water she had so enthusiastically played in yesterday. Surfacing, the surfer spit out inhaled water as she treaded water. A hand grabbed Yuffie by the shoulder and pulled her to shore. Another one brushed the hair and water out of the ninja’s eyes. Yuffie looked up to find Kairi staring down worriedly at her.

“Are you alright?” Kairi asked. “We’ve been looking for you since last night.”

“So the old man was right for once,” Yuffie thought out loud.

“Actually, your dad is still missing.”

Kairi hauled Yuffie out of the water and into a bear hug.

“Hey now,” Yuffie said, pushing her girlfriend away gently. “I’m getting you sopping wet.”

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,” Kairi said, burying her nose in Yuffie’s neck. In a softer voice she added, “I thought I told you to stop scaring me, Yuffie. I got really worried when you never showed up at the gravesite. Everyone’s been searching for you two for hours.”

“I forgot all about visiting mom!” Yuffie exclaimed, slapping her forehead. She looked at Kairi worriedly. “Was it bad?”

“I waited all afternoon for you guys to show,” Kairi said, sounding annoyed. “It got really awkward after I ran out of graves to clean. It felt like I was intruding on a private wake or something.”

“You cleaned my family’s graveyard.”

“Well, it wasn’t a very good job or anything,” Kairi said sheepishly. “I didn’t have any soap or water.”

“You cleaned the entire Kisaragi graveyard.”

“You were gone for a very long time.”

“We’ve got like sixty grave stones in there,” Yuffie laughed, slightly hysterical.

“There are forty-eight tombstones, twelve memorial tablets, and a very large, very elegantly carved alter that’s infested with mice.”

“I’m sorry, babe,” Yuffie mumbled. “It shouldn’t happen again.”

“It never should have happened in the first place! Now let’s find your dad. I’m worried he fell down a ravine or something.”

Pumped with new energy, Yuffie dove head first into the underbrush to find Godo. She stood up a moment later, brushing tree twigs off her yukata. Kairi sighed and rubbed her temples. After Kairi informed the ninja that she wasn’t allowed to assist the search until she was in dry clothes, Yuffie cheerful mugged one the first student she found. Her reasoning was that as a male student of the dojo, he could train much better without the heavy Gi weighing him down. A loincloth was way more comfortable to work out in as long as he stayed away from prickly plants.

Yuffie blasted through the forest. She left a blaze of destruction in her wake, allowing Kairi to follow behind at a slower pace. As long as she could remember her mission was to find Godo, she was unstoppable. 

After the sun rose enough to turn the sky a light blue, Godo was spotted. He was found in the far southern part of the woods, not that far from home actually. One of the more junior students rode on his back as he pushed his way through the trees.

“Where have you been?” Yuffie demanded, grabbing her father’s arm.

“Around,” he said, shifting the boy on his back. “I made it to your mother’s grave late last night, but it was already clean, so I paid my respects and left.”

“Then he saved me,” Kytes added from Godo’s back.

“Kid fell down the gulley and twisted his ankle. You remember the one, I taught you to swim in it.”

“How could I forget? You repeatedly threw me in the flooded river at the bottom of the ravine until I could swim well enough to reach the edge and escape. I don’t know how many times I nearly drowned,” Yuffie said. Kairi finally caught up to Yuffie. She latched onto the older girl’s waist.

“Stop bounding off like that,” the redhead said. “You know I can’t run as fast as you can. I don’t want to lose you again.”

“Let’s head home now before we get lost again,” Yuffie agreed. She wrapped an arm around Kairi’s waist, but kept her other arm firmly attached to Godo so he couldn’t wander off and get lost again. She grinned widely at Kairi. “Kairi, I don’t believe you’ve seen all the perks of living in a traditional home.”

“You two are not having sex in my bath,” Godo snapped. “I finally got my lilies the way I wanted them and you are not destroying them.”

“What? No of course not,” Kairi yelped, blushing badly. “Just, no, no way.”

‘Damn his thought process,’ Yuffie thought grumpily. That was exactly the activity she had hoped to convince Kairi into participating in while they were washing. ‘We think too similarly. God I hope I wasn’t conceived in there.’

They walked the rest of the way home in an uncomfortable silence. Kairi forwent the offered bath and went straight to bed. Yuffie did end up taking a quick scrub, but followed Kairi’s example as soon as she was dry. She wasn’t tired, thanks to her long nap, but she wanted to be near her girlfriend. Kairi had been up since yesterday morning and spent the night worried sick about missing Kisaragis. Yuffie didn’t want to add any more stress if she could help it.

“Are you mad at me?” Yuffie asked. Kairi had ignored her since they had gotten back.

“Not as much as I was when you first started arguing with your dad,” Kairi said. She rolled over so that they were facing each other. “I know you two communicate by arguing, but I hate petty squabbling. Unlike when my friends argue, I can’t grab you two by the scruffs of your necks, knock your heads together, and tell you both to stop it.”

“Sure you could,” Yuffie laughed. “My grandma did it all the time when I was little.”

“The worst part about this is that you didn’t get to introduce me to your mom.”

“Maybe we can do it later. I still want to introduce you to each other. Besides, I know my mom would be upset if we drove all the way up to Wutai specifically to visit her and then forgot.”

“I guess we can’t disappoint your mom.” Kairi smiled at her. “I’d like to do a proper job cleaning her memorial with soap and water, I had meant to bring some yesterday.”

“You’ve already done more than enough. The Kisaragi family owes you big time.” Yuffie kissed her. Before she could really get going though Kairi lightly turned her face away.

“You know I haven’t completely forgiven you yet, Yuffie.”

Yuffie hadn’t expected to hear that and accidentally jerked back forcefully enough she fell out of bed. After a moment she apologized, “Sorry, babe

“It’s alright, I forgive you,” Kairi smiled. “Now get back into bed.”

***

“—and we didn’t find dad until it was after dawn, so that’s why I was two days late,” Yuffie finished. She had been sitting properly all this time, but now she bent forward into a kneeling bow. “I am very sorry, mother, please forgive me.”

“I think she forgives you, Yuffie.” Kairi leaned down and touched the ninja’s back, causing her to sit up. “I think she’s been more worried about the rift in your relationship for the past five years.”

“She knows dad and I always fight,” Yuffie laughed. “We did even when she was alive. Oh, I haven’t introduced you to mom yet.”

Yuffie grabbed Kairi’s hand and pulled her down. After a moment of rearranging herself to sit properly as well, Kairi pushed her hair out of her eyes. She smiled nervously at the altar. Yuffie beamed at her.

“Mom, this is Kairi, my girlfriend. Kairi, this is my mom, Kasumi Kisaragi” Yuffie introduced.

“It’s an honor to meet you, Mrs. Kisaragi,” Kairi said politely.

“She’d have probably wanted you to call her mom,” Yuffie said fondly. “She was very open and caring towards everybody.”

They sat in silence. Yuffie let the few vague memories, almost impressions really, roll over her. It was a cloudy day at the Kisaragi family graveyard, but at least it wasn’t heavily raining like yesterday. Her mother’s tombstone was just starting to show wear and tear after almost twenty years of use, but Yuffie liked to think that the love she felt for her mom was reflected in the stone.

“I brought you a Milky Way bar, mom,” Yuffie said, pulling out the candy. She unwrapped it and set it on top of the tombstone. “You didn’t like most western food, but you loved Milky Ways… I didn’t tell you I was only starting to figure out things when I left home. Still, I think you must have realized that when you were watching over me. Maybe you even heard me talking a bit sometimes? I mean, I hadn’t set up any altar for you like I shoulda, but I’ve definitely talked to you a lot over the year. We’ll fix that when we get home. Anyway, the point is that I’m gay, as you can probably tell from the girlfriend and Kairi and I have been very happy together. How long have we been together, Kairi?”

“Two and a half years.”

“Right, two and a half years, and it’s gonna be for a thousand more.”

Kairi laughed loudly enough to catch Yuffie’s eye. She grinned at her. If Kasumi was here today Yuffie liked to assume she’d be laughing with them and the wind rustling nearby leaves sounded enough like that to confirm her belief. Of course her mother shared her happiness, as did Kairi. Even if Kairi thought Yuffie’s declaration was just her was being a ham, the ninja meant what she’d said. Yuffie slapped her hands together and bowed her head.

“So I ask of you to watch over both of us from now on. Please protect us and guide us the way you would if you were still alive. And please stop my snotty ancestors from complaining that I’m not feminine enough to suit the family name. Kairi’s girly enough for the both of us.”

“Hey!”

“Well it’s true.”

Yuffie kissed her fingers and touched them to the tombstone. She shut her eyes remembering the last time she hugged her mom. Since her death Yuffie had done everything possible to brand that moment into memory so she’d never forget the feeling. Then she looked up to Kairi, who was already standing.

“Ready to go?” Kairi asked, helping Yuffie to her feet.

“Yeah,” Yuffie said, brushing the dirt from her knees. “I’m ready.”

Without a word Kairi intertwined her hand into Yuffie’s before she could even offer it. They briefly smiled at each other before Yuffie leaned in and light kissed Kairi. There had been enough words for that afternoon and both women walked back to Yuffie’s childhood home enjoying the sounds of nature instead of their own.


	17. A New Job and an Explosion

“Olette, it’s great to see you!”

“Kairi,” Olette laughed, pulling the other girl into a hug.

“How have you been?” Kairi asked. “I haven’t seen you since finals ended. How’s the new boyfriend, Prince?”

“Pence is good, actually,” Olette said, stressing her boyfriend’s proper name. “Gosh, it was great seeing my parents again. I hadn’t realized how much I missed them I got home and hugged them.”

“Then it’s really good you went home.”

“What have you been up to? I think I saw Yuffie on TV.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me. Did she look like she was supposed to be on TV or was she being chased by the police?” Kairi asked dryly.

“Why would she be chased by the police?”

“Oh, you know Yuffie,” Kairi said offhandedly. At Olette’s concerned stare, she added, “she’s the type that wouldn’t think twice about trespassing, or breaking and entering, or high speed chases with the police. If she was arrested, she’d call Rikku or Leon to bail her out and then beg them not to tell me what happened… I better check on Yuffie tonight, I haven’t heard from her in a week.”

“No, it wasn’t a chase,” Olette assured her. “I think it was a commercial or a preview; I wasn’t really paying attention to most of the television I watched while I was home.”

“Ah.”

The girls strolled along in silence. They were in the university district of Twilight Town, checking out the summer offers. The stores usually gave great deals this time of year to entice the highly depleted student population into visiting. This was also the time of year when financially struggling shops often went under and were replaced with new business ventures. Quite a few shops had already changed recently and the stores were putting themselves together in preparation for the new school year.

“Were you looking for a new job?” Kairi asked as they inspected the storefront of a new antiques store.

“Yeah, I mean I love working for housing, but my boss is this total creep. I can’t stand the idea of working for him again. You’re lucky you have such a nice boss.”

“Nice isn’t how I would describe Cloud,” Kairi said. ‘Uptight workaholic would be a little more accurate.’

“You’re still working for him so he can’t be all that bad.”

“You’d be amazed by what people will do for a great salary. Though it is true he’s professional.”

“Whatever. Hey look, that café is hiring right now.”

Olette eagerly towed Kairi across the street toward the new shop. Spray painted across the storefront window were the words ‘Island Splash’ and the redhead could see palm trees and parrots inside. Clearly, this was a tropically themed restaurant.

Olette hesitated at the door. “Should we go in, Kairi?” she asked. “I mean, they might be too busy for me to fill out an application right now.”

“They look empty to me. Come on, let’s go,” Kairi said, pushing her friend inside.

A bell jingled merrily as they entered. They walked over to the counter. A bent over man struggled with an espresso machine. Since he hadn’t noticed their presence, Kairi hit the bell on the counter. He quickly straightened and turned around.

“Can I help you ladies?” he asked.

“Irvine?” Kairi gasped.

“That’s my name,” Irvine laughed, tapping his nametag, “don’t wear it out.”

“Irvine Kinneas?”

“Yes?”

“Do you know him, Kairi?” Olette asked.

“He’s my old boss,” Kairi said, still feeling stunned. “From the Islands. What are you doing here?”

“Kairi? My little Kairi, who was the best busgirl I ever had?” Irvine stared at Kairi appraisingly. “God, you really blossomed. I know I saw you at the wedding, but we barely had time to talk. If you hadn’t introduced yourself I wouldn’t have recognized you. You’ve really managed to fill out your T-shirt.”

Kairi grabbed the cowboy hat off her former boss’s head and smacked him soundly with it. “He’s also a huge womanizer,” she added dryly.

The cowboy snapped his fingers. “I saw you on TV the other day, Little Red.”

“You did?” Kairi asked, startled. “How? Why?”

“You were in this documentary with the Yuffie Kisaragi. It’s this six part series that’s currently being aired back home on the public broadcasting channel. They’re replaying episode 3 this weekend because everyone wants to see you in it.”

“Great,” Kairi said weakly. “My mother will be thrilled. At least I have an unusual coming out story; my neighbors found out by seeing it on TV.”

Irvine leaned over the counter. “Do you remember when Yuffie stopped in my restaurant way back when?”

“Yes.”

“Were you two already dating? And why didn’t you tell me your dear buddy Irvine? Do you have any idea how hurt I felt to find out that my dear former employee was dating the pro surfer Yuffie Kisaragi? I’m her biggest fan!”

“Irvine.”

“What?”

“The day Yuffie walked into your café was the first time I had ever laid eyes on her.”

“Oh, so I brought you two together?”

“…” Kairi glanced at Olette, who shrugged. “Sure.”

After giggling and waving his fists about in glee, Irvine asked, “So what brought you to my café house? Care for your old job back?”

“Actually, my friend, Olette,” Kairi said, gesturing at Olette, “is interested in a job. Or did you change your mind after meeting the owner?”

“I’d like to apply,” Olette said.

“Great! I need some more bodies,” Irvine said. He dug in one of the drawers then handed Olette a few crinkled pages. “Fill these out and then we’ll see about an interview.”

Olette graciously accepted the application. She sat down at a table and earnestly filled out the forms. Kairi watched her for a few moments before returning her attention to Irvine.

“What are you doing opening a café in Twilight?” she asked.

“I’ve been syndicated,” he said. “This is the first of a chain of stores being opened outside the Islands and I’m a bit nervous that they won’t fly here.”

“You’ll do great, Irvine. You have a fun menu, good atmosphere, and you’re quirky enough not to let anything stop you.”

“You’re probably right.” Irvine sighed, tipping his cowboy hat back before grinning at Kairi. “I don’t know why I was worried, I’m Irvine Kinneas after all… I was serious about offering you that job. I could use a manager here.”

“Sorry, I’ve already got a boss.”

“Certain I can’t steal you away?”

“If I left my boss now than it will be hard getting a job with his firm in four years when I’m a lawyer.”

“You want a second job?”

“I’ve got all the job I can handle. Besides, you only want me around so you can learn more about Yuffie.”

“That isn’t true; learning more about Yuffie would be an added benefit, a bonus. You make a great employee, Kairi, and any boss would love to boss you around.”

“Gee,” Kairi said. “That’s what I’ve always wanted to hear.”

“Umm, hey guys,” Olette said nervously. “I’m done with the application.”

Irvine happily took the application and scanned it. He flipped through the pages, looking at each one intently. Then he set the papers on the counter and folded his arms.

“We can have an interview now or we can schedule one for later,” Irvine said seriously. “Which do you prefer?”

“Right now is great!” Olette said eagerly. She glanced over at Kairi guiltily. “If it’s alright with you, Kairi. I don’t really mean to bail on our shopping.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Kairi insisted. “I need to get home soon anyway.”

As Irvine began the interview, Kairi left the café. She decided to head back home and play with Yuna. It had been too long since they had any quality time together. She also wanted to give Yuffie a call, they really hadn’t talked in a while and Kairi hoped her earlier jokes weren’t actually true.

‘It would be just my luck if she actually ended up in jail after I joked about it,’ Kairi thought, laughing.

***

Kairi twisted a necklace in her fingers while she held her phone up to her ear. She was worried about Yuffie, she hadn’t answered her phone yesterday despite the fact Kairi tried calling several times spread out over the afternoon and evening. She knew her girlfriend was busy with surfing, training, reporters, fans, and a dozen other things. She knew all of this when they got together and normally Kairi loved having the surfer out of her hair for a couple of weeks at a time.

It was just… different this time. The conversation with Olette left Kairi thinking about how much she missed Yuffie. Last night Yuna simply wasn’t big or warm enough to suit Kairi’s needs. If Kairi had to specify her current feelings, she’d have to say she was feeling neglected and unappreciated, perhaps even a little needy. That was why she was on the phone again.

‘Come on, pick up, Yuf,’ Kairi thought. ‘I don’t want to listen to that awful message you have again.’

The phone rang for the fifth time. Then there was a little click, a beep, and Yuffie’s recorded voice filled the line. “Oay! This is the Great Ninja Yuffie and I’m off doing super awesome too cool to hang out with you losers stuff right now! Leave a message and I’ll get back to you after the butterflies on my phone let me access my voicemail. Hey Kairi—BEEP!”

Kairi sighed. “Yuffie, you already know I hate your message—but it is better than your previous one, I’ll give you that—so could you please change it? Give me a call when you have a chance. Bye.”

She hung up. Then, leaning back against the couch, she let out a great sigh. Somehow the phone call had left her feeling depressed. She wondered if it would have been better not to have called at all.

“Am I turning into a clingy girlfriend?” Kairi asked out loud. She looked at Yuna. “Seriously, what do you think, girl? Have I gone off the deep end from lack of human interaction? Well, obviously that’s the case, I’m talking to a chocobo.”

Yuna warked indignantly and climbed into Kairi’s lap. She hugged the bird tightly. 

“I know you’re a smart girl, Yunie. Mommy’s just feeling sorry for herself. God, I wish I could think of something fun to do right now… don’t wanna work on the weekend, bills are paid, dishes are clean, and there isn’t enough laundry to justify a load. Why isn’t Yuffie around to make something explode?”

A loud booming noise resounded through the apartment. It sent Yuna squawking wildly. Kairi looked around nervously to make certain she wasn’t about to be hit by falling rock or end up at the epicenter of a second explosion.

“Why do I only get results when I ask for trouble?”

Kairi stood up and investigated her surroundings. There were no immediate signs of an explosion. Checking the entire apartment yielded nothing. Then, feeling a little silly, she looked outside her window to see if the source was outside. She was shocked at the scene before her.

There was a large gaping hole where the street used to exist. Concrete and other debris were scattered about the hole. She could just make out the bottom of the sewer, far below the point where the street should have been. It was difficult to see what was down there though, because a fountain of dirty water spewed from the hole. Several buildings, including her own, were badly damaged. Many people stood around looking stupefied. One of the overturned cars was lit on fire and it looked like the flames were spreading. Kairi could hear sirens in the distance. 

“Yuna, we need to get out of here,” she said, grabbing the bird. “I don’t know what caused the explosion, but there could be a gas leak and I can already see a fire.”

Kairi stuck around only long enough to lock her door. She probably shouldn’t have even stayed that long, but her building wasn’t actually on fire yet if the building’s fire alarms were any indication. She made it to Axel’s place in record time. He answered his door looking annoyed and flustered.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded.

“You know, just for the hell of it, I decided to switch movie night to tonight instead of having it next week because I thought it would make you all hot and bothered,” Kairi said flippantly. “Which it was, and I decided to bring Yuna along, so she wouldn’t be lonely, since she loves her Axel. Now move!”

She shoved past Axel. An extremely embarrassed Roxas knelt on the couch feeble holding his shirt to his chest. Kairi plopped down on the couch next to him and handed the boy her bird.

“This isn’t what it looks like,” Roxas said.

“Sure, sure, I know, Roxas,” Kairi interrupted. “Now where’s the remote?”

With a grimace Axel pulled the remote out of the front of his pants. At Roxas’s look he said, “It got stuck in there when I zipped up too fast after you kicked me in the face.” He offered the remote to Kairi, but she waved him away.

“Axel, could you stop fooling around and just turn on the TV?” she asked. “I want the news please.”

Grumbling, Axel flipped on the TV and turned to the nearest news program. Not surprisingly, the current story was that mysterious explosion in front of Kairi’s home. As the reporters chattered on, Kairi gleaned that the explosion was most likely caused by some sort of gas leak or a meth lab, but that was just a guess because the reporters had no real information. From the footage she could see the fire wasn’t contained, and the area was blocked off until further notice.

“Shit man,” Axel said, “that’s your street.”

“Yep,” Kairi said.

“Look, if I had known that had happened, I wouldn’t have been so…”

“Pissy?” Roxas supplied.

“…pissy about you barging in.” Axel glared at Roxas. “Who uses the word pissy?”

“You can stay here for as long as you need to,” Roxas said. Axel opened his mouth to say something, but Roxas elbowed him in the gut. “As long as you like.”

“Thanks guys,” Kairi said, smiling. “I’ll probably only spend a few nights while I get in touch with Yuffie. I can’t make too many major decisions without her input.”

“Speak of the devil,” Axel laughed, pointing at the TV.

Yuffie was on TV standing next to the reporter. She looked a little frantic and was demanding to know if the reporter had seen any redheads.

“Where the hell has she been?” Kairi demanded.

They watched in fascination as Yuffie got fed up with the reporter. She then vaulted over the police ‘Do Not Cross’ barricade to try and get to her apartment. When a couple of HAZMAT suits came to stop her from going in any further, Yuffie delivered a few kicks to their faces, thereby warding them off. A few police officers came up to try and stop her. They could hear the reporter order her camera to focus on “that crazy girl” because she would drive up the ratings.

Kairi quickly pulled out her cell phone and punched in Yuffie’s number. After two rings Yuffie picked up. 

“You know you’re on TV, right?” Kairi asked.

“Hey babe,” Yuffie said, grinning. “Do I look hot kicking ass and taking names?” It was odd hearing Yuffie on the phone and on TV simultaneously.

“Technically, you’re kicking nowhere near their rears and I haven’t heard you ask for anyone’s name. So your statement is completely off base.”

“Right.”

“More importantly, don’t assault any police officers. Or anyone else for that matter. I expect that sort of behavior from Axel, not you, and I really don’t want to have to post bail for you.”

“They won’t let me through. How else am I supposed to get to you?”

“I’m not at home.”

“Oh.” Yuffie stared at the pile of bodies at her feet. She nimbly twisted away from an officer as he tried to grab her. Luckily Yuffie seemed to have taken Kairi’s request to heart because she didn’t throw him like she normally would have. “Well, now I feel foolish.”

“As you should.”

“Where are you?”

“Axel’s and I expect you to get here soon,” Kairi said, hanging up the phone.

Kairi watched as Yuffie hung up her own phone. Then the ninja leapt back over the ‘Do Not Cross’ barricade and bounded off. The camera and a few cops tried to keep up with her, but Yuffie’s path was so quick and erratic that they soon lost her.

“I hope they don’t post an arrest warrant on her,” Kairi said. “I don’t know if Cloud would help me find her a decent defense lawyer after the stunt she just pulled.”

“Is she spending the night too?” Axel asked.

“Obviously,” Roxas hissed, smacking Axel across the back of his head. “Now be nice.”

“You’ve gotten more violent since you started dating Axel,” Kairi said.

“I have,” Roxas agreed. “Axel, you’re a bad influence on me.”

Axel just growled in response to Roxas’s claim. He shuffled into the bedroom and began throwing things about. Kairi and Roxas watched in interest for a while before Roxas had to ask what he was doing.

“I’m hiding all of our sensitive material before that little snoop gets here,” Axel growled. “I don’t need her waving my stuff as she runs around my house cackling wildly.”

“I’ve found that my girlfriend has a sixth sense when it comes to finding hidden stuff,” Kairi said. “In fact, the harder you hide something, the faster she finds it. That’s why I always store her presents in plain sight… it’s funny, she never finds them.”

“Maybe she finds them really easily, but pretends not to,” Roxas said.

“The thing is, I don’t think so. She always tries to hide the fact that she’s going through my closet during the holidays. That’s also the only time she’s interested in the kitchen cabinets.”

“Oh.”

The doorbell rang. Roxas buzzed Yuffie into the building then waited by the door for her to climb the stairs. Axel sat down next to his cousin. He regretted that decision when Yuffie burst into the living room and kicked him in the forehead as she leapt onto the couch to be by Kairi.

“Oww!” Axel screamed, clutching his forehead. Roxas led him into the bathroom as Axel muttered something about crazy lesbians. 

“Kairi! I’ve missed you so much!” Yuffie yelled, burying her head in Kairi’s shoulder. “What was going on? Why was everything blocked off like that at home?”

“I don’t know what’s going on, just that there was a really bad explosion and we aren’t allowed back into our neighborhood,” Kairi said. “More importantly, where have you been?”

“Our boat was blown off course by a tropical storm. Instead of being on the boat for two days, we were on it for six ‘cause the storm wiped out our navigation and communication systems. Had to get rescued by the Coast Guard.”

“Wait a minute, your boat was blown off course by a tropical storm?”

”Yup,” Yuffie grinned, sitting back so she could look at Kairi. “We would have been really screwed if one of the three groups coming on the trip hadn’t bailed at the last minute. As it was we ran out of water on day four, luckily we still had juice. I was so glad to be on dry land again you wouldn’t believe it.”

“And here I was worried you had been arrested. Silly me.”

“What have you been up to?”

“Oh, nothing much, just work, nothing compared to being lost at sea.”

“It really wasn’t that bad. Still, let’s think about happier things, like dinner.”

“I ordered pizza,” Roxas said, putting away his cell phone. “You haven’t become a vegetarian, have you, Yuffie?”

“Never!” Yuffie yelled, sticking her finger up in the air. “I’m a carnivore!”

“Omnivore,” Kairi said.

“Whatever, point is that I like meat.”

The conversation petered out shortly after that. Axel popped in the newest chick flick he had bought into the DVD player and flopped on the couch next to Yuffie. Roxas sat next to Kairi on the opposite side of the couch, much to his boyfriend’s displeasure. They paused the movie when the food arrived, but after that Axel refused to pause it. 

During the third movie that night Yuffie found the provocative magazines Axel had hidden. Axel chased the ninja around the apartment while Roxas and Kairi finished the movie. A little past one a truce was called because Roxas wanted his beauty sleep. So the boys retreated into the bedroom and the girls pulled the hideaway bed out of the couch. Yuffie happily clambered into bed, but Kairi was a little less willing. The sheets didn’t look clean to her and were oddly stained. She hoped the spots were food spills or else clean stains.

‘It’s just for the night,’ she told herself, following Yuffie’s suit. Despite the uncomfortable accommodations, Kairi had to admit that it was nice to have Yuffie next to her. Her surfer had been gone for too long.

***

“I got the job.”

“That’s great, Olette,” Kairi said, throwing the last sock in the dryer. 

Since they couldn’t go back to the apartment due to the safety hazards, the only clothes they had were the dirty ones Yuffie’s duffel bag. At the moment those were being dry-cleaned. This meant that at the moment Kairi was borrowing some of Roxas’s stuff. The black and white checkered motif didn’t really suit her tastes, but at least it fit.

“Irvine said I’m perfect for the job. I start today,” Olette continued. “Do you wanna come by? Technically, we don’t open until Wednesday, but you’d totally be welcome. You could help us finish putting up decorations.”

“They were already up when I came in with you. You just want to get me in there to help you clean.”

“Well… yes, but you’d be doing me a huge favor and Irvine will pay you. If he doesn’t then I will. Look, getting this place ship shape in three days is too much for just Vivi and me. Especially since we’ll be spending Tuesday dealing with food shipments and making last minute adjustments. You know someone is gonna screw up the order and I’ll be stuck on the phone all day trying to fix it.”

“Who is Vivi?”

“My cute little fellow employee. As soon as Irvine hires another person or two they’re taking over the nightshift.”

“Vivi or the new people?”

“Vivi. He, I mean they, prefers they/them/their pronouns. I’m still getting used to using those pronouns for them, but it’s a lot easier than if I had known Vivi before they started using them.”

“Okay,” Kairi laughed, “and you said they’re cute?”

“Little kid cute. They used to work in computer repairs and is really shy, but I think that they’ll be really sweet once they gets used to me. If you could just come in and help out for a couple hours that would mean a lot to me.”

“Fine. Let me finish with my laundry and then I’ll come over. Expect me noonish.”

“Thanks Kairi.”

“Yeah yeah, bye.”

Kairi hung up and sighed. She was a pushover and her friends knew it. When the laundry was done she took it back up to Axel’s apartment. Before she left for the café, Kairi woke her girlfriend up and demanded that she find out what was going on with their home. Luckily Yuffie sleepily agreed without argument.

When she arrived at Island Splash a small person in an oversized yellow sombrero let her in through the locked front door. As soon as Kairi was inside the kid quickly backed away and hid behind the counter. Olette quickly appeared and greeted Kairi.

“Thank you so much for coming,” Olette grinned. “Here’s a mop, can you clean the floors?” It’s that or scrubbing the toilets with a toothbrush. Your pick.”

“What about cleaning the oven?”

“Vivi’s already taken that over. If I didn’t know better I’d say they had some mystical connection with machines. This morning we found an ancient toaster that was completely falling apart and Vivi brought it back to life.”

“Ah, I’ll take the mop.”

“That’s what I thought. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a toilet to scrub.”

Kairi smirked as Olette left for the bathroom. She was pleased she wasn’t getting the worst task. Then again, Olette knew that while the redhead could be cajoled into helping out, she would walk out if she was saddled with the worst task. After all, she was doing Olette a favor. Kairi filled a bucket with soap and water then got to work.

The job wasn’t actually that bad. Kairi had mopped extensively in the days she used to work for Irvine and the shop wasn’t very large, so she finished the task quickly enough. Of course she found the mopping fun. Vivi didn’t speak to her at all and Olette was in the bathroom, which left her alone with her own thoughts. When she finished the floor she cleaned the tabletops and chairs. That was extremely similar to cleaning the floor, except she could flip the objects upside down. By the time Kairi finished scrubbing the last tabletop Vivi had all of the appliances cleaned and working.

“Would you like something to drink?” Kairi looked up at Vivi. They stared back nervously.

“Excuse me?” she asked.

“You’ve been nicely helping us out today, despite the fact you aren’t being paid,” Vivi said nervously. “So the least I-we could do is feed you, perhaps. What would you like? We’ve got a few ingredients here and if I had to, I could run over to the grocery store.”

“If you have the supplies to make a sandwich, that’d be great, Vivi. Thanks.”

Vivi nodded, opening the refrigerator. Kairi shook her head while grinning then retrieved Olette, who was still in the bathroom. When they came out there were three perfectly created sandwiches sitting on the counter. The girls blinked in surprise at the completed meal. It had taken Vivi less than a minute to pull three sandwiches together. He smiled shyly at their amazement.

“I’m good with my hands,” Vivi said modestly.

“I’ll say,” Olette laughed. She took a bite out of her sandwich. “These are amazing.”

“These are nothing special.”

“Right…”

“Vivi, you are going to make someone very happy someday.”

“Really?”

“I agree,” Kairi said, after tasting her sandwich. “Cooking is a highly appreciated skill that is always wanted in a mate. Sadly, Yuffie can only cook three dishes—they’re things her dad drilled into her as a child—but at least she has other good points.”

“Pence can’t cook either,” Olette said. “But Roxas can; he makes great quiche.”

“He has to, I mean, do you really expect Axel to cook? The guy is more interested in the flame than the food, so anything he cooks ends up charred beyond belief.”

They finished eating their sandwiches. There was a loud thunking noise behind Kairi. At Vivi’s startled stare, she whirled around to find Yuffie pressed against the front window, banging it with her fist. With a sigh Kairi got up and let Yuffie inside before she accidently broke it.

“I did what you asked,” Yuffie said as soon as she was inside the coffee hut. “Our landlord is freaking out and shutting down our building and is selling the thing as soon as possible. He’s gonna void out all our leases. Says the building is condemned and no one’s allowed in or out as per the fire marshal.”

“But our stuff is in there,” Kairi said, outraged.

“That’s exactly what I said and the lady—I think I was talking to our super—said that they were going to try and get a construction crew in to put in a couple of support beams to hold everything up long enough for us to get our stuff.”

“How long will that take?”

“Construction on the building might take a few weeks, but they can’t come in until the street is fixed and cleared of major hazards.”

“So in other words, we can’t get to our stuff for months.”

“That’s what it sounds like.”

“Fuck.” Kairi brushed her hair out of her eyes. “That building has all of our stuff in it. A lot of families just lost all of their worldly possessions to an unsafe building and insurance won’t cover any of the items because they weren’t destroyed, they’re just inaccessible for the time being. Double fuck.”

“There is one upside to this, Kairi.”

“And what, pray tell, is that?”

“You have a justified shopping binge to go on, babe. I have a few days worth of clothing and most of my surfing stuff, so I’m set, but you need stuff. And you even like shopping, so it’s all good.”

“No, no it’s not.”

“Ooo, can I come with you when you go shopping for underwear? I wanna help you pick out lingerie.”

“No.”

I don’t get to see your new underwear?”

“Yuffie, I don’t plan on buying any underwear.”

“So you’re going commando? Kinky. I suggest staying away from any new skirts then. Especially miniskirts, you’re screwed if there’s a wind.”

Kairi rolled her eyes and decided to ignore her girlfriend. It wasn’t her fault that ‘buy no new underwear’ equated to ‘wearing no underwear’ in Yuffie’s mind. She turned back toward the others, only to find Vivi missing. That was odd because they had been right there just now and left part of his sandwich. Vivi seemed the type to finish their food.

“Where did Vivi go?” she asked.

“When they saw Yuffie, they made this weird squeaking noise and crept away slowly like they didn’t want her to notice their movements,” Olette said. “It was kind of creepy. I bet they locked themself in the bathroom.”

“Let’s go get them,” Yuffie said eagerly.

“Let’s not,” Kairi said, pushing Yuffie into a chair. “You stay there. Kid’s obviously afraid of you, so it would be best if you left them alone. I will go get them. Alone.”

When Kairi reached the bathroom she gently tapped on the door. “Vivi? Are you in there? It’s Kairi, your buddy.”

“You’re not my buddy,” they called back through the door.

“I thought we were friends. What happened?”

“You let that devil in here.”

“Devil? Why is Yuffie a devil?” Kairi wisely decided not to mention that she was sleeping with that ‘devil.’ She didn’t think that would win her any brownie points with Vivi.

“I only finally just stopped having nightmares about her.”

“You were having nightmares about Yuffie? What did she do to you?”

“I-I used to fix computers. I like computers because they’re really simple to understand and they never yell at me. One day that girl came in and demanded I fix this broken laptop. She shook me and threatened my life and limb if I didn’t get it fixed in just a couple of days, despite the fact she completely crushed half of it.”

‘When did she do this?’ Kairi thought, feeling vaguely horrified. She didn’t really think Yuffie would ever hurt a kid—Yuffie wasn’t a bully—but it disturbed her that Vivi was so shaken from just seeing Yuffie again.

“Then, to add insult to injury, she got every single technical term she mentioned wrong. Google chomps don’t exist!” they wailed.

“Why don’t you come out of the bathroom, Vivi?” Kairi asked kindly. “I’ll make Yuffie apologize, I’m certain she didn’t mean to scare you.”

“She’s your friend; as soon as I’m out there you’ll take her side.”

“Yuffie is a lot of things to me, but I don’t blindly take her side,” Kairi said, before sheepishly adding, “Actually, I should probably take her side more than I do.”

Vivi opened the door. They anxiously peered out from behind the door. When they didn’t see Yuffie, they stepped out. Kairi took their hand and they walked back to the others.

“Yuf,” Kairi said, getting her girlfriend’s attention. “A while back you terrorized poor Vivi when they were a computer repairman. You probably didn’t even realize you were doing it and certainly don’t remember, but you did scare them. It probably derived from the fact that you’re more touchy feely than most people, but…”

“I gotcha,” Yuffie said. “Vivi, I’m really sorry for scaring ya, buddy ole pal, can ya forgive me?” She got up to give them a hug, but Kairi stopped her.

“I think it would be best if you held off on physical demonstrations of your remorse,” Kairi said.

“Right.” Yuffie latched onto Kairi, but still stared earnestly at Vivi.

“I-I guess I can forgive you,” Vivi said. “But you have to keep at least three feet away from me at all times and no talking about computers.” 

”I bet Yuffie can handle those terms,” Olette said, clapping her hands together, “especially if you feed her, right Yuf?”

Yuffie nodded vigorously. Vivi visibly relaxed, but they also put the counter between themself and the ninja. Kairi checked her watch and winced. It was later than she had thought.

“Yuffie and I have to go,” she said. “We have dinner reservation with friends, and we have to be on time since they hired a sitter.”

“Then go by all means,” Olette said, “bye guys.”

“Bye,” Vivi echoed.

The girls made their own farewells then left. As they made their way down the sidewalk, Yuffie asked Kairi if they could spend the night at the Leonharts’ place.

“Do you want to wake up at least four times to a baby’s screams?” Kairi asked dryly. “Besides, Leon got home the same night you did; I think Aerith wants to have more than one night alone with her husband before entertaining overnight guests. I think we should focus more on finding another place to live.”

“I guess you’re right,” Yuffie sighed. They walked a little farther before Yuffie suddenly stopped, grabbed her forehead, and bellowed in frustration. “I’ve got to see Axel’s ugly mug again tomorrow morning! Why are you so cruel to me, Leviathan? Why?”

“We all have to make sacrifices, Yuf,” Kairi laughed, patting Yuffie’s shoulder. “On the plus side, you’ll see my face first thing in the morning.”

“Oh yeah,” Yuffie said, starting to grin. “I had forgotten about that.”

“Idiot.”

“But you love me.”

“Yeah, although I can’t fathom why.”

Yuffie just sniggered as she wrapped her arms around Kairi’s waist. She lightly tickled Kairi’s sides. Then a clock chimed, reminding Kairi of the time. The girls took off running hand in hand hoping to catch the next trolley.


	18. This New Apartment

Yuffie crawled carefully out of bed and stalked to the bathroom. She moved precisely, taking short, almost hopping, steps in hopes of not making a mess. She didn’t know if she was holding back blood or urine, but in either case she needed a toilet pretty damn fast. Waking up with her period always sucked. When she finally reached the bathroom, Yuffie found the door shut. She jiggled the handle. Locked. So, she did the only logical thing possible.

“Open up, open up, open up!” she demanded, banging on the door. Overdramatics were her specialty. “If this door doesn’t open up real quick, I’m gonna make a terrible mess on the carpet!”

Her fist suddenly hit chest; wet chest to be precise. Yuffie hit it twice more before she registered the door was open and she could stop. Cloud glared down disapprovingly at her. His stiff and normally threatening posturing wasn’t up to its normal form though, probably because his hair was limp with the wet weight of water and shampoo holding it down. He reminded Yuffie of a drowned rat.

“Excellent Cloudo,” she said, pushing her way past him into the bathroom. She slammed the door on the lawyer and locked it.

“I wasn’t finished!” Cloud bellowed, banging on the door.

“Keep your towel on, Cloudster, I’ll only be a minute,” Yuffie promised. Ten minutes later Yuffie emerged. She didn’t feel any better than she had before, but at least she averted having an accident. “You know you left the shower on, Strife?” she asked.

“I know,” he said icily.

“Got any pain pills?” Yuffie asked. “I could use a couple.”

Cloud slammed the door shut in response. She heard an audible click as he locked it. Yuffie stuck her hands on her hips and glared at the door as she shook her head.

“Some people are just the rudest,” Yuffie said, shaking her head. When she climbed back into bed she woke Kairi. There were a few moments of incoherence from the redhead before she asked what was happening. Not wanting to go into detail Yuffie decided to keep her explanation simple. “Cloud’s being a dick. Got any painkillers?”

“Outer pocket on my purse.” Kairi shifted and looked up, now engaged in the conversation. “You know Strife has a decent excuse for being… rude. We have been living in his house for the last two months and he’s not a people person.”

“Well, we’d move out if we could,” Yuffie said defensively, pulling a few pills out of the bottle. “We haven’t been able to find a place.”

That was true. Since the explosion by their old home—caused by an underground moomba colony’s accidental detonation of stolen Shrina explosives, which were supposed to be decommissioned over a decade ago—had destroyed an entire block’s worth of apartment buildings, there was housing shortage in Twilight Town. While it was true Yuffie hadn’t been looking that terribly hard for a new place, there didn’t seem to be anything on the market. At least nothing that would take chibi-chocobos and the girls could never leave their baby behind.

“At the rate things are going, I’m going to have to move into the dorms this year,” Kairi sighed.

“Wait, what?”

“I signed up for university housing right after we lost our old apartment in case we couldn’t get a place in time. Found one dorm that allows pets and I’ve got a reserved spot in it.”

“But what about me?” Yuffie asked.

“You could probably visit me quite a bit and I’ll visit you. You’re gone half the time anyway, so you could probably stay with me, Two-K, Tifa, or Leon and Aerith. After all, you usually never have time for more than a week or two. The last two months together would have been the perfect treat if we were at home.”

“But-but babe,” Yuffie whined.

“Yuf, school starts in a week and I can’t stay here. If there were any other option, I’d pick it, but there aren’t. We’ll have to get used to living separately again.”

‘This can’t be happening,’ Yuffie thought, horrified. ‘When people get closer in a relationship they don’t move further apart.’

“I guess I should get up,” Kairi groaned as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. 

“Why?”

“I have to get up in twenty minutes anyway, so there’s no point in trying to fall back asleep. Besides, I may as well make certain Strife doesn’t come in and murder you. I heard screaming earlier.”

“Kairi.” 

“It’s just another morning, Yuf, don’t sweat it.”

“But Kairi, it’s not the same.”

“Yuf, find us an available apartment that’s close to my school, work, and also takes chibi-chocobos. If you can find that then we could live together. Otherwise, Yunie and I are staying in the dorms.” Kairi kissed her. “Even if you do find a place, Yuffie, I’m still responsible for my dorm room until first semester is over. That’s already paid for.”

She grabbed a few items then left the room. With a groan Yuffie fell back onto the bed. Even if she found a place, she’d still be losing Kairi for at least five months, possibly the entire school year. In any case she sure as hell wasn’t going to coming home to a bird or girlfriend anytime soon.

‘This sucks, this really sucks,’ she thought.

Technically, she would be gone for most of the time Kairi was in the dorm. Adding up all the time Yuffie wouldn’t be on tour, dealing with publicity, meeting with corporate sponsors, or other parts of her job there was maybe a month she could be in Twilight Town. Kairi was right; Yuffie could easily stay with her girlfriend, friends, or even live in a hotel during the down time. In fact, there was no need to visit Twilight Town in the middle of her season.

Except Kairi was in Twilight. In just a couple of years that redhead had become so important to Yuffie that the surfer wouldn’t know what to do if she ever lost her. Kairi was her rock, an unmovable unchangeable constant in Yuffie’s constantly changing, vastly unstable life. She craved her stability and certainty. Everyone needed a place to call home and for Yuffie her home was Kairi.

“Where can I steal an apartment?” Yuffie wondered. She pulled Kairi’s pillow to her chest before falling asleep again.

Yuffie crawled out of bed mid afternoon. She ambled into the kitchen and began hunting for coffee. When she finally found it in one of the cupboards she turned to the stove. There was a chocobo in the coffee pot.

“Does Link know you sleep in there?” she asked. “Cause that’s pretty gross, dude.”

“Yes, I do and no, he shouldn’t be in there,” Link said, hurrying over to the sink and turned the water on. The black chocobo squawked wildly and crawled out of the coffee pot. Link washed it out then turned to the bird and admonished him. “I’ve told you before, Zack, you can’t sleep in Cloud’s coffee pot. That’s unsanitary. He’ll pluck you if he catches you there and frankly, I’m not happy having to constantly clean it.”

“What are you doing here?” Yuffie asked. 

”Oh, during the school year I teach a class or two for the veterinary program. My schedule with the university veterinary hospital has already switched over despite the fact class doesn’t start until next Wednesday. That means I’ve got a few blocks of free time at home this week.”

“Okay…”

“So, what’s up?” Link asked as he grabbed a towel and quickly ruffled it through Zack’s feathers. 

“I need to find an apartment in a week.”

“Impossible. Kairi’s been methodically searching for one since your old place blew up two months ago. There’s not way you can find one that meets all your criteria in a week.”

“It doesn’t have to be perfect, temporary will do until something better comes along. The task may be impossible for a midget like you, but I’m the Great Ninja Yuffie and I will accomplish it!”

“Is that any way to talk to your host?” he asked mildly.

“Sorry Link,” Yuffie mumbled, “I just don’t want Kairi to move into a dorm on me.”

“Is she taking Yuna?”

Yuffie nodded glumly. She didn’t like thinking about the coming loss of her family. She didn’t know how her girlfriend was going to take the chocobo into the dorms; Yuna hated noisy people. If it didn’t mean they were separating she’d find the idea of Yuna policing an entire dorm floor hilarious.

“Then I suppose I’ll have to help,” Link said, rolling up his sleeves.

“Excuse me?”

“I’ll help you find an apartment.” He raised an eyebrow. “That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“Well, yeah, of course, but why are you helping?”

“Families need to stick together,” he said simply. “I’m not letting Yuna lose a parent because of a little housing problem.”

“Thanks Link, that’s really awesome of you.”

“Think of me as Yuna’s fairy godfather.”

“You got the fairy part right.”

“Hey!”

***

She wasn’t having much luck. Over the past five days Yuffie had searched high and low for a new apartment. Link had done his best to point Yuffie in the direction of promising housing, but Yuffie was the one who had to the actual footwork of checking them out. She was the one who had to figure out if they worked or not. Her options were bleak; all the apartments were anti-gay, anti-pets, or so far away they were practically in the Pride Lands.

‘It isn’t fair,’ she thought. ‘I didn’t even cause our apartment to blow up and yet I’m the one suffering so badly because of it.’

Yuffie pulled out the map Link had given her. She already X-ed off all the apartments he circled for her because they didn’t work for one reason or another. Now all she was left with was a sea of Xs across the town. It would have looked pretty if it hadn’t meant she no longer had any options.

“Where can I find a decent apartment?” Yuffie wondered out loud.

“You’re looking for an apartment?”

Yuffie looked up. A woman in tight black leather was staring at her from across the trolley. She would have thought the woman was attractive, but her bright red eyes really bothered Yuffie. They were unnerving, but Yuffie was desperate for a place to live with her girlfriend and she’d take any leads she could get.

“Yeah, I need one that takes pets.”

“What type? We don’t do dogs, too much property damage.”

“Chibi-chocobo, she’s house trained.”

“That’ll do.” The woman pulled out a notebook, scrawled something on it, then offered it to Yuffie. “Here’s my number and the address of our apartment building. I’m the superintendent and I’d be delighted to show you around right now, but I’m on my way to my other job now. Come by tomorrow if you like.”

“Can I bring my… friend?” Yuffie asked. After all the queer bashers she had dealt with that day, she didn’t want to specify what exactly Kairi was to her. If they got into a fight over homosexuality on a crowded trolley, she would be at a disadvantage. Her fighting style performed best with some space and she didn’t want to hurt any bystanders.

“Thought as much,” the woman smirked. “Sure, bring her along. Shame that you’re taken, though.”

“How did you…” Yuffie trailed off.

“I have an excellent gaydar,” she said, tapping her temple. “Plus, you’re a very famous athlete, Ms. Kisaragi. Especially in the lesbian sports bro scene. Definitely the biggest hit at my favorite bar.”

“Who’s passing that rubbish around?” Yuffie demanded, hitting her first against a metal pole of the trolley. “The only bar I’ve been to in this town is Seventh Heaven and that’s because Tifa would kill me if I went to a competitor!”

The woman looked startled. Her eyes widened and she took a step back at Yuffie’s outburst. “I meant on the telly,” she said. “We watch all your televised meets at my favorite sports bar. Same with the gym.”

“Oh, sorry,” Yuffie laughed sheepishly. “I’m just a teeny bit stressed. Kairi and I have been living at friends’ places since our apartment blew up. That was over two months ago and we’re all getting on each other’s nerves.”

“It’s all right, she said, slurring the sentence together so that it sounded like one word. She handed Yuffie the paper square. One of her skull rings nicked Yuffie’s hand. Then the trolley stopped and the woman headed toward the exit.

“Wait a minute,” Yuffie called, hurrying after her. “Who are you?”

She looked up in surprise as she stepped off the trolley. “Paine, Paine Mathews. Look forward to seeing you again” she said. As the trolley pulled away she waved to Yuffie before leaving the station.

‘Hot dog,’ Yuffie thought, grinning, ‘I’ve got another apartment to check out!’

***

“Are you certain this is the address?” Kairi asked. They were in a fairly industrial neighborhood. Nothing really looked like residential housing, especially not the abandoned looking warehouse in front of them.

“Course I’m sure,” Yuffie scoffed, waving her square of paper with the address. “418 East Oathkeeper.” She gestured at the dilapidated building. “That’s 418 East Oathkeeper, alright.”

“Yuffie.”

“Yes?”

“This is 418 West Oathkeeper.”

“Oh.”

An hour’s walk got them to the correct building. During the walk however, Kairi ran out of good spirits. It was a hot walk and neither one of them had thought to bring refreshments for what was supposed to be a quick at an apartment. Kairi also wasn’t fitted with the best shoes for walking, as Yuffie had accidentally wrecked her pair earlier that morning. The ninja made a mental note to refrain from doing that in the future. She then added ‘make sure to lock bedroom door when staying in other people’s houses’ onto the list. Kairi had been unhappy when Cloud came into their room at an inopportune moment. Near the end of their walk when the redhead’s mood was at its worst she made it very clear that if this whole jaunt was a wild goose chase Yuffie wouldn’t be sleeping on the couch, but rather a patch of cement in Link’s garden.

When they finally reached the correct building it looked much nicer than the first one she suggested was 418 East Oathkeeper. In the entryway Yuffie found Paine’s name next to one of the buttons. She buzzed it quickly and got an almost immediate response.

“Hello?” Paine’s voice buzzed through the intercom, distorted, but Yuffie could still tell it was her.

“Hey, it’s Yuffie, Yuffie Kisaragi; you offered to show me an apartment on the trolley yesterday.”

“Right, I’ll come meet you in the lobby. Did you bring the bird?”

“No,” Yuffie said, wrinkling her brow. ‘Why would I bring Yunie?’

“I think she means me,” Kairi whispered.

“Oh,” Yuffie said. She down the intercom button again to add, “But I brought Kairi with me.”

“Righto,” Paine replied, then the intercom beeped and the doors loudly clicked, signaling that they were unlocked.

“Why did she call you a bird?” Yuffie asked as she yanked open the door.

“It’s British slang,” Kairi explained.

“I don’t think Paine’s British.”

“She can still use their slang.”

“But that’s weird. She should use our slang.”

“Link’s… foreign and he uses our slang.”

“But that’s different. It’s funny hearing our slang in his little accent and he’s using it in our country, so it’s okay. Foreign slang in our country when you’re not foreign isn’t cool.”

Kairi didn’t have a response to that. Instead she just rolled her eyes and walked past Yuffie to wait for Paine. Paine jogged down the stairs to greet them shortly thereafter.

“Thank you for coming out to see the apartment,” Paine said, shaking hands with Kairi, then Yuffie.

“Is there any reason in particular you offered this apartment to Yuffie on the trolley?” Kairi asked, getting down to business. “I mean, that’s not a usual place to pick up potential tenants.”

“I’m the super for this building and the repairs from the last tenants were completed just three days ago,” Paine said. “When I overheard that Yuffie needed an apartment, I thought I would offer it to her in hopes of saving on advertising. Landlord’s willing to sign on anyone I think would be a good fit for the building; after a proper background check of course.”

“Makes sense.” Kairi nodded. “Ready to take a look at it, Yuf?”

“Yep,” Yuffie said, snapping out of the trance she put herself in while tracing the wallpaper patterns. 

They took the stairs up to the top floor. Yuffie’s legs were burning slightly by the time they got to the top, which meant that Kairi must be really feeling the climb. Kairi’s fitness level was more couch potato than professional athlete. Paine seemed unaffected. Yuffie knew that if they moved in, Kairi would either never take the stairs again or else she’d insist on taking them every time until she could do them without noticing.

They emerged into a short narrow hallway with only four doors besides the elevator and stairs. Paine opened the second door on the right. Someone gasped, Yuffie wasn’t certain if it was her or Kairi, but the apartment was gasp-worthy.

The first thing Yuffie noticed was that the far wall was all-window. Between two doors on the left there was a ladder bolted to the wall. To the right there was a kitchen with a nice wooden counter and several barstools. The rest of the apartment was empty.

“Be careful when you walk inside,” Paine said as Kairi walked into the apartment. “The floor sinks down a few steps about three feet into the apartment. My understanding is that the developer wanted a sunken living room, but he didn’t make the drop particularly obvious.”

“There are skylights,” Kairi said, staring up at the ceiling.

Yuffie looked up too. There were several windows scattered across the sloping ceiling along with a few bars of adjustable spotlights. She thought it was fascinating the way the ceiling sloped down at such a sharp angle that the ceiling was a normal height over the upper area above the ladder, but it was massive over the rest of the apartment.

“That is fricking awesome,” Yuffie laughed.

“How many bedrooms?” Kairi asked.

“One large bedroom, fourteen by sixteen feet with a balcony,” Paine said.

“Bathrooms?”

“There’s a bath and a half, that includes a Jacuzzi, and features a nice tile pattern.”

“Storage space?”

“The hall closet is by the front door,” Paine said, pointing to the door by the kitchen, “two, albeit small, walk in closets are in the bedroom, and there’s a closet in the bathroom. While there’s no pantry, the kitchen has a lot of deep cabinet space. I have yet to hear any complaints.”

“That’s less storage space than our old place and we’ll be losing a bedroom,” Kairi said, shaking her head.

“The loft up above is an amazing room and can be used as an office or a bedroom. I doubt your old place had one of those and people tend to undervalue a loft.” Paine handed over a few sheets outlining the apartment’s general specs to Kairi. The women bent over them discussing square footage and floor plants.

While they were busy Yuffie climbed the iron ladder bolted to the wall. She wanted to see the loft and when she reached it she looked around excitedly. The loft had a half wall on two sides, with a wooden gate that could be shut in front of the ladder. The other two sides were full walls and the one across from the ladder had a massive window that could be opened. Yuffie looked over the half wall to the right of the ladder. She could see into a new room she had yet to explore.

“Hey, I can see the balcony,” she said.

“The bedroom ceiling isn’t completely closed?” Kairi asked. 

“The last three feet are uncovered as part of the architect’s design,” Paine said. “I personally think the design is pretty neat and I’ve never had problems with spacing issues.”

“I take it you have a similar design?” Kairi said.

“I have the apartment across the hall. It’s the mirror image of this one.”

Yuffie slid down the ladder so the girls could look in the bedroom. It was spacious and airy with pale walls. Yuffie thought it looked tropical, which was a theme Kairi always liked to convey in their bedroom. They checked out the bathroom, which was also lovely, just like Paine had promised. Yuffie crawled into the tub, it could fit at least three people her size if they were good buddies.

They regrouped in the living room. Kairi asked what the monthly rate would be. Paine told her. Yuffie whistled. They could probably manage it, but it was a lot more than their old place. Pain suggested they look at the view on the balcony before coming to any decisions. 

Kairi and Yuffie walked into the bedroom and out onto the balcony. Yuffie leaned on the railing and stared out at the skyline. Beyond the cityscape she could see the ocean. Directly below them was a large park. It wasn’t evening, but in her mind’s eye she could see the sun setting into the sea. From the way Kairi leaned into her she assumed she was seeing the same thing.

“We’ll take it,” she whispered.

***

Cloud couldn’t stop smirking as he watched Yuffie smash clothing into her bag. He didn’t do anything other than lean against the doorway and looking smug. This irked Yuffie. She tried ignoring him, but eventually she stopped working and glared at the blond.

“What is your problem, Strife?” she demanded.

“No problem.”

“Will you stop smirking and help?”

“Sorry, Link and I promised not to touch any of your things after you moved in two months ago. Not under any circumstances. I’d love to help, but I can’t.”

“Bastard.”

“Hate to disappoint you, but my parents were married by the time I came along.”

“You are way too happy about this,” Yuffie said, waggling her finger in his face. ‘That isn’t healthy.”

“What can I say,” Cloud laughed. “After two months of home invasion I’m getting my house back. There’s a reason I’m gay, I was never meant to live with women.”

“Sucks to be you, women are awesome.”

“Once you’re gone I can have sex with Link again anytime I want. Anywhere I want. This is the happiest moment I’ve had in months. No, years. You couldn’t have thought of a better belated birthday present to me, Kisaragi.”

“Get off your high horse and help carry this stuff out before I kick your ass.”

“You couldn’t kick my ass when we were kids and you certainly can’t kick it now.”

Yuffie grinned. It was rare for Cloud to refer to their shared childhood. She was pretty certain that was the real reason why Link offered them their spare bedroom. Cloud would never forget his first martial arts instructor and his daughter had left a lasting impression too. Especially when said daughter was sleeping with his paralegal.

“You’re gonna miss us after we’re gone, Strife,” she said as she shut her last bag. Cloud had eventually helped her pack, but it was mostly just moving her packed bags out of the room.

“How so?” Cloud asked. “I see Kairi and Yuna almost every business day. We spend so much time together that, even with all the local businesses knowing I’m gay, half of them assume we’re having an affair.”

“No way, Kairi would never.”

“No, she wouldn’t, and I never would, but the stereotype that a businessman is sleeping with his secretary is persistent.”

“Well, it’s a stupid stereotype and she’s a paralegal.”

“It is, and I know that, but people like believing unfounded idiotic things. Makes them feel smug.”

“Where is Kairi right now anyway?”

“She’s out back with Link. He’s giving her a few choice samples from his garden; brighten up the new place or something like that. You two certain you have enough furniture for this apartment?”

“Oh sure, I snuck into the apartment a while back, removed all our furniture, and shoved it into a storage unit. We’ll be all nicely moved in as soon as I can borrow Tifa’s truck.”

Cloud nodded. They walked out into the backyard and sat down on the back stoop. Kairi held a small plant and Link was fingering the leaves as he explained something. Yuffie watched, her chin in hand, as they talked. Kairi seemed happy as she laughed at some gardening joke. She looked so happy and alert talking with Link.

‘God I am so lucky to have her,’ Yuffie thought, grinning faintly. Suddenly the redhead looked up and smiled at her. Yuffie grinned back and waved wildly. Link just laughed at their behavior, but Cloud snorted.

“You two are absurdly sappy,” Cloud said as Kairi and Link walked over to them. “I can’t believe I’ve managed to deal with you two for months.”

“Right, I tend to forget that you don’t have a single romantic bone in your body,” Link said dryly. “After all, there’s absolutely nothing romantic about you camping outside of my bedroom window for a week when you thought I was mad at you. Or that you’ve never forgotten a single date and always make our anniversaries magical. And of course, an unromantic man would never fly halfway around the world to a foreign country where he couldn’t speak a word of the language to find a man—who he didn’t have an address for and couldn’t even properly spell his last name—just to propose.”

“You didn’t accept.” Cloud, said. His face turned bright pink. 

“My foolish man,” Link said, walking over to him. “I didn’t know you were gay, much less that you liked me. Maybe I would have gotten a clue if you stopped sleeping with random women at parties and actually talked to me about something important, like your feelings.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t thought you were sleeping with Mar—” Link jerked Cloud’s tie sharply, cutting him off midsentence.

“Dearest, if you even think of finishing that name you will regret it.” He looked over his shoulder at Yuffie. “Ladies, this is incredibly rude of me, but I think it might be time for you to leave. We’ve enjoyed having you stay with us and good luck with the new apartment.”

They didn’t stick around to argue. Yuffie never expected to see such an expression on Link’s mild mannered little boy face. Then again she had been lucky enough never to walk in on Link in any sort of adult situation, so maybe she just missed out. Yuffie could have lived without ever having seen that expression. At least she hadn’t seen anything else.

When they reached the apartment Kairi set Yuna down on the wood floors. The bird took a few hesitant steps, looked back at Kairi, and when she motioned that everything was okay, the bird ran off to explore the apartment. A few minutes later Yuna came back with a dignified strut.

“What do you think?” Kairi asked. Yuna warked at her, which made the girl laugh in delight.

“So, I brought lots of blankets and I thought we’d camp out in the living room tonight, then tomorrow we could get our furniture and actually move in—move in,” Yuffie said.

“Our furniture?” Kairi asked.

“I liberated it from our old place a while back. It’s sitting in a storage locker right now.”

“You could have broken your neck. The building’s structurally unsound.”

“Did you really want someone else getting it? There have been a ton of lookers in our old neighborhood since the block blew up. The security guard they hired to keep people out of the property isn’t worth shit. Old coot never even woke up when I accidentally dropped the couch down two flights of stairs.”

“Yuffie, you’re insane.”

“Hey, our stuff was in great condition and I wasn’t about to let it go to waste. Better to have everything sitting in a temperature controlled storage unit with a strong padlock than in a place where anyone could just take it. That includes even our less important stuff like a hula dancing dog and an empty toaster box from my closet. Why do I have an empty toaster box in my closet? Did I ever even buy a toaster?”

“Forget the toaster box. Thank you for getting all of our things. We’ll move me into the dorm on Sunday,” Kairi said, shaking her head. Yuffie’s ecstasy died.

“I thought if I found a place in a week you’d live with me.”

“If we also found a person to take my dorm room too.”

“That wasn’t part of the deal.”

Kairi stared at Yuffie.

“I upheld my end of the bargain,” Yuffie insisted, staring back.

Yuffie kept staring. Eventually Kairi rolled her eyes and looked away. Yuffie continued to stare. With a sigh the redhead picked up her phone. The ninja smirked as she hid her glee when she realized who Kairi was calling.

“Hey Olette?” Kairi said into the phone. “Were you still looking for a place to stay?”

 

**BONUS: A Day in the Life of a Chocobo**

The calamity didn’t start before sunrise. That meant that instead of waking up to attack the calamity Mommy was sleeping in today. Yuna snuggled back into the crook of flesh she was nestled against. She loved the mornings that Mommy slept in because it meant she was staying with Yuna and not leaving her home alone. On those mornings Mommy didn’t wake up until the sun had invaded the apartment. Even after she woke, she lazed about in bed with Yuna. They cuddled together without talking; Mommy preened Yuna, pulling out loose feathers and shaking out any dirt stock on her. Yuna loved the attention the preening gave and the fingers felt great massaging her plumage.

Eventually it would be time for them to get out of bed. Mommy pulled on her fuzzy bathrobe and carried Yuna into the kitchen. Yuna sat on the counter as Mommy made breakfast. Mommy turned on her whirring machines and pulled food out of the big white light-filled box. Yuna was always served first while the machines were still noisy. Mommy always set Yuna’s special dish in front of her filled with gysahl greens. When the machines eventually stopped Mommy would sit down next to her with her own plate of food and her mug of coffee. Yuna always finished eating first and then she’d politely wait for Mommy to finish. Sometimes Mommy gave her bits of bacon. The coffee always looking interesting to Yuna, but Mommy never let her try it.

After breakfast Mommy went to the upper area. Yuna hated the upper area. She couldn’t get up there on her own. At least at Daddy’s place the stairs were climbable; Vincent and Zack could easily go up and down all the time. Yuffie set up a basket on a pulley system so that Yuna could be raised up to the upper area, but she disliked having to rely on someone else to keep her close to Mommy. It also meant she could be trapped in the upper area too. Mommy had been very mad the time Yuna glided down from the upper area to the couch and told her never to try that again in case she broke a wing.

Mommy worked on her papers for a long time. She was always buried in books and papers, no matter where they were or what they were doing. Yuna never understood why she loved paper so much; it was boring, but Mommy loved it and that was enough for Yuna. Today Yuna rested on her cushion while Mommy looked at her papers, but she often sat in her lap. If she wasn’t too busy scribbling on her paper Mommy would pet Yuna while she looked at them or throw Yuna’s bell for her when Yuna left it at Mommy’s feet.

Finally Mommy decided she was done with the papers. She packed up thicker paper and her wood planks. She carried them down the ladder to the apartment. Yuna raced around warking frantically, fearing to be left behind. Mommy came back and brought her down. In the proper part of the apartment Mommy pulled out Yuna’s leash and harness. Yuna warked excitedly and ran around Mommy’s feet in circles. She knew what the least and harness meant, they were going outside.

They went to the park. Mommy carried the papers in the bag she sometimes brought to the park. She carried the boards in her arms. Yuna waddled beside her and easily kept up despite the fact Mommy’s legs were much longer than hers. Chocobos were fast and they didn’t tire easily. 

Once at the park they found the grassy knoll Mommy liked. Mommy set up the planks of wood so that they stood up and converged at a point where Mommy could stick on the paper she had brought along. Mommy liked to sit with her planks and paper and brush her sticks against it. At first her sticks left black or gray marks on the paper, but later they left brilliant colors.

Yuna left Mommy to her paper to go chase squirrels. She chased quite a few of them up trees and even managed to herd most of them up the same tree. Eventually though she got bored with the squirrels and switched to collecting shiny stones. Shiny stones were very beautiful and eye catching, the perfect gift. Yuna bought enough rocks to form a small pile to Mommy.

When she saw them, Mommy stopped her brushing and admired them. Yuna felt very proud as Mommy oohed and aahed over each stone. Yune liked the clear shiny ones best, but the smooth ones were Mommy’s favorites. Yuna got a nut treat for her hard work and was sent on her way.

Later Yuna found a dog and a couple other chocobos. She recognized one of the birds, but the rest were new to her. The four of them played tag. Yuna didn’t mind chasing or being chased by the birds, but running from the dog made her nervous. She much preferred chasing the dog. Mommy called for her when all the shadows stretched out a long distance behind her. It was almost too dark for Yuna to see. On the walk home Yuna was happy she had the leash to keep track of Mommy. She’d hate to lose her outside.

Mommy made them dinner and they ate watching the talking moving picture box. Yuna didn’t understand why the little people lived in the box and never left it. She also didn’t understand how they could all fit or why they could instantly change shape, but since they didn’t worry Mommy, they didn’t worry her. In fact, they tended to make Mommy smile and Yuffie laugh. For that Yuna loved the box. Tonight they had funny accents.

Late that evening a ringing resounded. Yuna recognized that ring, it was the little blue box that Mommy carried. When it rang like that Mommy always quickly pulled it out and started talking eagerly into the box. When Mommy stopped talking Yuna could hear Yuffie, but she couldn’t see her. This wasn’t the first time this had occurred, but it always left Yuna feeling disconcerted because she couldn’t figure out where Yuffie had gone. Her disappearances always made Mommy said, so the joke of being there, but not really there was cruel.

Once Yuna tried hiding the blue box so that Yuffie couldn’t be mean to Mommy, but that just upset Mommy even more. As the box rang Mommy tore the apartment apart looking for it and didn’t stop even after it stopped making noise. Yuna eventually fetched it from her hiding place and Mommy gave her a big treat for bringing it to her. Yuna felt guilty about that, but promised never to hide the box again when she accepted the treat.

Eventually Mommy stopped talking to the blue box and put it in her pocket. She was now sad. She picked Yuna up and carried her off to the bed. After changing her clothes and spending a long time in the bathroom Mommy joined Yuna in bed. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep as she petted Yuna’s crest. Yuna cuddled up to the human she loved most in the entire world. They had a good day, a fun day, yet Mommy still went to bed sad.

Yuna wished Yuffie was there. The girl was loud and annoying, but incredibly fun to chase and devoted to Mommy. Yuffie loved Mommy almost as much as Yuna did and Mommy loved Yuffie. And at the moment, that was all that mattered. When Yuffie was around Mommy might be angry, but she was never sad.

Late that evening Yuna woke up when the bed shook. She looked around and found Yuffie climbing into her side of the bed. Yuna gave her a light peck on the forehead, but otherwise left her alone. She wouldn’t harangue Yuffie for coming home so late and waking her up, not when Yuna could imagine Mommy’s smile when she found Yuffie in bed with them the next morning. With this late night surprise Yuna realized her day hadn’t been a good one, it had been an excellent one.


	19. Lemurs in a Hurricane

“I can’t believe you actually came!” Yuffie squealed. “Like, there’s you agreeing to come and then there’s actually doing it, but you came!”

“How could I refuse? This is my first chance being warm all winter,” Kairi said, laughing as Yuffie bounced excitedly. “Remind me again why we live in such a cold place?”

“Because your school is there and you’ve got a steady job with the sourpuss.”

“Cloud isn’t that bad. Remember, he did just give me time off even though you only gave me three days notice before my flight. The man could have said no when I asked him for a week off effective immediately.” At this Yuffie stopped flittering about and looked at her girlfriend.

“That is a little surprising. How’d you get it, threaten to dye his hair blue?”

“He told me that he technically didn’t need me and was excited for the chance to have a quiet office for a few days. You know he can’t simply come out and say I deserve some fun. That’s why he made the excuse. Besides, we’re caught up on our paperwork, so I really could be spared for an impromptu vacation.”

“Of course he needs you; you do your job amazingly and he’s going to be out one amazing paralegal when you become a lawyer,” Yuffie squawked. Clearly she hadn’t caught the last of what Kairi said.

“Technically, Strife doesn’t need me as a secretary or a paralegal because he’s better at it than I am,” Kairi said. “His files from before he hired me are completely pristine. I mean, they are amazing, and while I don’t make many mistakes, I have yet to find any clerical flaws in his work.”

“Then, why did he hire you?” Yuffie asked, suddenly feeling confused.

“Simple economics. While Cloud is a better at my job than I am, he’s also a lawyer and can earn a lot more money being a lawyer than a paralegal. So, he hires me to do all the cheaper work, which frees up more of his time to do the higher earning job. Even factoring in my salary, I am a much smaller cost for him than he’d have if he gave up time acting as a lawyer to do the clerical work himself.”

“Huh?” Yuffie tilted her head to the side. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch a word you just said. The birds distracted me.” She gestured at the parrots sitting on top of the station roof.

Kairi sighed and silently counted to ten. She hated it when Yuffie tuned her out while she was specifically explaining something for her benefit. “You hire Leon to take care of all the little stuff, like registering for surfing competitions and booking hotel rooms, so that you can focus on surfing and publicity events. It’s easier for you to pay him instead of doing it all yourself. I’m Cloud’s Leon.”

“Gotcha!” Yuffie said happily. “You always know how to explain things.”

“So where are we off to?” Kairi asked as they strolled along Main Street. 

Just a few minutes ago Kairi had arrived in the town on the back of an elephant-like shoopuf. Yuffie was so excited waiting for Kairi to dismount she couldn’t stay still and bounced excitedly in place. In fact, when the redhead finally stood on dry land, she was practically mauled by her girlfriend as if they hadn’t seen each other in months, despite it only being a three-week separation. However, Kairi hadn’t minded as she had felt Yuffie’s absence just as sorely.

“Our hotel,” Yuffie said. “Actually, it’s more of a beach cabin villa thingy. Leon, Two-K, and I all have separate rooms ‘cause it’s basically a house.”

“Excellent. I prefer sharing a room with only one person.”

“Especially when it’s me.”

“Yeah,” Kairi agreed. She couldn’t help smiling at her girlfriend. It had been too long since they last had any quality time together. “So what’s the game plan?”

“I’ve got a meet tomorrow. It’s just a small one for locals, but this time I’ll be judging instead of participating. It’s kinda exciting since I’ve never been a judge before, but I’m also a little nervous that I’ll mess up. Don’t mention that to anyone else. I’ll probably do just fine.”

“Of course I won’t,” Kairi promised. “Your secret is my secret.”

“Thanks,” Yuffie grinned. She paused, trying to get back on track. “After that we’ll have a couple of days to ourselves before the annual Besaid competition.”

“Perfect. A little time off with you is just what I need.”

Kairi followed Yuffie’s lead on a short stroll through town to their lodgings, a villa on the beach. As they walked, many of the locals greeted Yuffie familiarly and the surfer even had to stop a few times to chat. Kairi was amazed by how well she had integrated with the town; Yuffie had only arrived yesterday morning and as far as she knew her girlfriend hadn’t previously spent much time here.

When they arrived at the villa, Yuffie gave Kairi a tour. The villa had three bedrooms, but little else. There was a small bathroom and a kitchen connected to a minute living area. From the furnishing and storage issues it was clear the villa was only meant for a few days inhabitation at a time. More importantly for a vacation spot, the view of the ocean was magnificent, especially from the master bedroom. Kairi was pleasantly surprised to learn that was their room.

“Leon and Two-K had to admit it made the most sense for me to get it when I pointed out you’d be in here with me for most of our trip,” Yuffie explained proudly. “I can’t believe I was able to use logic against Leon. I never beat Squallykins with logic! You should be proud of me too, babe.”

“I am,” Kairi said, still looking out the window. “Hey, what’s that island out there in the distance?”

Yuffie looked out the window too. “Ah, I think the locals call it “Deep Forest.” They said to avoid it because there’s endangered lemurs and a curse on it.”

“Endangered lemurs?”

“Maybe it was lemmings.”

“Kairi, you’re here,” Rikku happily greeted her. Kairi jumped. She hadn’t heard Rikku come in.

“When did you get here?” the redhead asked.

“Just came in. Leon’s been talking with the mayor about tomorrow’s event. There’s some worry about a tropical storm messing things up tomorrow.”

“Seriously?” Yuffie said. “I didn’t sign on for a hurricane.”

“Rikku, are we worried about a tropical storm or a hurricane?” Kairi asked. “There’s an important difference.”

“Storm, they definitely said storm.”

“Then no worries,” Kairi laughed. Then, drawing on her background as a tropical islander she explained, “We’re not in the rainy season, so a storm shouldn’t last more than a day in these parts. Tropical storms also have much slower winds and cause little damage, mostly flooding. If it comes tomorrow, we just reschedule for the next day or the day after that. This would be a completely different matter if it were a hurricane.”

“What happens if it morphs into a hurricane?” Yuffie asked. “I mean, like a really bad one.”

“We’d be screwed,” Kairi said cheerfully, “I doubt this house can stand level 3 winds and hurricanes can get a lot worse than that. A level 5 hurricane once hit Kilika, an island close to my own Destiny Islands. Almost entirely obliterated it. Most of the population died.”

“How bad is a level 3 hurricane?” Rikku asked nervously.

“Roughly 120 miles per hour wind. A level five has wind over 150 miles per hour.”

“Can we avoid the hurricanes?” Yuffie asked.

“You guys shouldn’t worry,” Kairi said, “if the tropical storm is close enough that they’re worried it will hit tomorrow, it shouldn’t have time to morph into a huge hurricane. Tropical communities are used to this sort of weather and are prepared to handle the more minor calamities, like a tropical storm. As long as we aren’t in the water when it hits we should be fine.”

“I hope you’re right,” Rikku said dubiously. “Well, I should probably let you unpack. Yuffie never bothers, but then again, you’re a lady.”

“I am so a lady,” Yuffie squawked. “Putting clothing in drawers instead of leaving it in the suitcase when you’re only staying for a day or two has no bearing on that fact!”

“I said lady, not female,” Rikku said. Yuffie threw a shoe, which Rikku narrowly dodged. “See, what did I say, Kairi? Ladies don’t hurl things.”

With a roar, Yuffie chased her best friend out of the bedroom wielding a surfboard leash. They ran screaming and laughing through the house before Rikku bolted out the back door onto the beach. Yuffie madly dashed after her. Kairi slowly followed behind them, watching their antics, until the chase ended in shoulder high waves when Yuffie stopped swinging the leash. Shaking her head, Kairi returned to the bedroom and began placing her clothing in the dresser.

***

“The third annual Bamboo Thicket Surfing Competition will shortly commence,” Mayor Potts announced. “Our judges this year are world renown surfer, Yuffie Kisaragi; last year’s champion, Tarzan; and myself.”

Kairi wriggled in her seat. As usual for politicians, the mayor droned on for far too long and the seating was far too hard for such a boring speech. She didn’t understand why that was the case, it always seemed to be, but at least she was in good company this time. She sat in between Rikku and Leon, and while both of their professional careers were connected to surfing, neither one of them would let her suffer if she became bored or confused during the competition.

‘Although the sport is a little too simple to get confused about,’ she thought.

From what Kairi could gather, the competition focused on skill and creativity instead of speed or endurance. Yuffie and the others would give out points based upon what moves were performed, how well they performed them, and the innate difficulty of the technique. She felt everything that needed to be said had already been said, but there was still a little more dickering around before the competition could. The mayor had to blather on about the history of the event, the town’s founding, and even why he was the best person to be mayor before the contestants could start. 

Finally the contest began. Each person had five minutes to perform on the waves then the judges would deliberate for a minute before announcing the score. None of the contestants had anywhere near the skill Yuffie had with waves. In fact, in Kairi’s opinion most were total neophytes. About a third of them fell of their boards before they could even catch a wave. The event lasted over four hours and Kairi was sick of it after twenty minutes. She liked watching Yuffie or Riku surf—admittedly, it helped that she liked both of them and they were extremely talented—but on the whole she would rather surf herself than observe.

At least Yuffie was happy with the outcome. She, along with the other judges, extensively congratulated the winner. Yuffie even sat down and chatted with the other surfers for a while giving them pointers. Other people’s skill didn’t matter to Yuffie; as long as everyone was enjoying the waves and having fun she was happy. To Kairi this mentality seemed at odds with Yuffie’s need to win, but she was pleased her girlfriend was being helpful instead of annoying the locals. It always surprised Kairi just how charismatic Yuffie was.

The girls finally escaped the festivities shortly before sunset. Yuffie spent the entire day judging, advising, praising, and telling stories about surfing, but never actually made it into the water. Kairi could tell her girlfriend was at her limit. Yuffie was desperate to get in the water and play. By the looks of things Yuffie was ready to smack the next person that delayed her accomplishing that goal, so Kairi had them make a hasty retreat to the villa. 

“God, I can’t believe how long that took,” Yuffie said as she carried her shortboard out of the villa. “I am never judging again.”

“Don’t be so hasty to judge judging,” Kairi said. She carried Yuffie’s ‘funboard,’ a longer and easier surfboard to use. “Even if you find it a bore, judging is a good way to stay involved in professional surfing after you’re no longer able to surf professionally. Hopefully that won’t be for ages yet, but it’s something to think about for the future.”

“Let’s just get in the waves!” Yuffie ran out into the water until the water was too high to easily run in then slid onto her board so that she could paddle out to the waves. Kairi followed at a more leisurely pace. The waves would still be there when she got there.

In fact, they were higher than they had been that morning during the competition. Looking around she realized all of the water was moving much faster along this beach in comparison to this morning’s beach. Kairi couldn’t explain why the surfing was so much better here than at the competition’s site, but she had a suspicion it had something to do with topography of the area. Even small differences could lead to dramatic differences in the ocean’s waves and currents.

At least the larger waves were pleasing Yuffie. She had made it up onto the top of a large wave and was sliding along the edge of the tip as the white foamy water crashed upon itself. She spun around like a cork along the breaking part, the white part of the wave, until the wave was completely spent. Then once the way was completely gone Yuffie dropped back down to straddle her board as she hunted for her next wave. Kairi had to clap. Her girlfriend’s ability on the surf completely blew the so-called surfers of that morning out of the water. Yuffie could still duck and weave through the water like she was a creature born of the sea.

‘No, she’s more like a part of the water itself,’ Kairi thought as Yuffie rose up on another wave. ‘She enters and exits the liquid so fluidly that I’d completely believe she’s some sort of water nymph.’

Kairi was just floating along on top of the funboard. She hadn’t tried to surf this evening, mainly because the waves were just a few feet too high for her comfort zone. Still, the rocking motion from the still large waves passing her by was extremely nice. Just being out here watching Yuffie in her element was more than enough for her tonight. Tomorrow, if the waves were more in the ten-foot range, she would surf.

Suddenly the waves seemed vicious. Despite the fact she was much closer to shore than Yuffie, Kairi waves the size of the ones Yuffie had just been riding slammed into her. A behemoth of water engulfed Kairi, separating her from the surfboard. If she weren’t wearing her leash, Kairi would have lost the funboard and her sole flotation support. The waves knocked her, slapped her, and dunked her into the salty depths repeatedly. Her eyes stung and her lungs burned. Yuffie was nowhere to be seen. The pleasant evening had turned into a turbulent storm. 

The tempest was simply too powerful. This was in no way, shape, or form a simple tropical storm. Kairi had weathered those many times in the past and this wasn't like anything she had experienced before. It was a deity’s wrath at being spurned, a demon’s fury unleashed, global warming at its worst. And here it was, focused on treating Kairi like a rag doll to be thrown about and smashed to bits.

Kairi instantly realized that she was no match for the ocean’s fury. Trying to fight her way to land was a fool’s dream. All the current wanted to do was suck her under to a watery grave. She couldn’t stop it. Instead Kairi clung to the surfboard, her one chance at survival, and focused on perseverance. The board was light, it was made to float, and it would keep her from being sucked under if she could hold onto it. She clung tightly to that piece of fiberglass as if her life depended upon it; because in truth it did. Kairi fought to stay awake, but she was losing the battle; she was breathing too much water and not enough air.

She was not going to die here. She refused to die by drowning only a few yards from shore. There were still too many hopes and dreams that she needed to fulfill for her life to end here. She wanted to be a lawyer and make the world a better place. There were still too many things to see and do with her mom, dad, and Sora and Riku before she died. She wanted to see Yuna one last time. She wanted… Yuffie…

***

“Hang on little grommet, you’re in no shape to do anything but chill out.”

Kairi opened her eyes and immediately shut them again, wishing she hadn’t bothered. The light was far too bright and it only increased her splitting headache. “Where…” she trailed off.

“Kiddo, just keep sleeping, you’ve taken in way too much water and you’re too banged up to do anything but rest. That was some storm you survived. Don’t you know better than to mess with Mother Nature when she’s on her period?”

At the sound of the man’s voice Kairi managed to open her eyes again. Everything was spinning badly enough she didn’t even bother trying something as foolish as sitting up. She already knew that would simply bring her a world of pain. “Where am I?”

“In my pad,” the man said.

Kairi was finally able to focus on the speaker. He was an older man, as shown by the grey and white streaks in his long black ponytail, but still in excellent physical condition. He wore a tacky Hawaiian shirt and an eye patch. His grin reminded her of Yuffie.

“Pleased you survived the storm, grommet,” he said.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Xiggy,” he said, pointing both thumbs at his chest, “and you are in my pad on my island.” A ring-tailed lemur leaped through the window landing on Xiggy’s shoulder. “And this is Luke, my wife.” Luke nibbled on Xiggy’s ear. “Not in front of company, Luke,” Xiggy said disapprovingly, “she’ll think you have no manners.”

“You’re married to a lemur?” Kairi asked, wondering if blood was pooling somewhere inside her skull. This made no sense to her.

“Spiritually, yes. While I love Luke dearly, we have never been interested in physically consummating our marriage. I am godfather to the many children Luke had with Chewie. And R2-D2. Luke has always had her pick of the lemur males, so she gets a bit full of herself at times.”

“You’ve named all the lemurs after Star Wars characters?” Kairi asked, trying to understand her situation. Xiggy wasn’t making that easy for her.

Before Xiggy could answer, another lemur leaped through the same window Luke had used for her entrance and attacked her. The lemurs ended up in a massive brawl on the floor. “Captain Kirk!” Xiggy screamed, pulling the lemurs apart, “You leave Luke alone!” He then flung both lemurs out the window. “My apologies, they aren’t very used to guests.”

“Who are you and what are you doing with all these lemurs?” Kairi asked.

“I am Xigbar Braig and I am a soul surfer. I have been teaching these lemurs how to surf for the last fifteen years,” Xigbar explained, “but please call me Xiggy. I prefer it.”

“Why are you teaching the lemurs to surf?”

“Because surfing is the key to happiness. Becoming one with the waves puts you in tune with nature and fixes all the wrongs in a person’s life. Being a soul surfer, such as myself, means you surf every day, connecting you to the natural world and thereby find enlightenment. The lemur population here was in great decline, so I came here to put it back into flux with the world’s natural energy. The best way to do this is by surfing.”

“Have you had any success?”

“Oh yes, since I came and started teaching them to surf, the lemur population has tripled.”

Kairi sat up. She was beginning to understand the situation. She was stuck in an unknown, probably remote, location with an insane, potentially dangerous, man who loved surfing and lemurs. He also had also saved her life. If the lemur names were any indication the man loved science fiction as well.

“Why did you call me grommet?”

“Because you clearly are one. You’re a padawan surfer, ya?”

“I’m not a novice, I’m just not very good.”

“Ah, then I won’t call you grommet then, little lady.”

“My name is Kairi.”

“And Xiggy is my nomenclature.”

“I know. You already told me.”

“Right then.” Xigbar scratched the back of his head. “We don’t really get that many people out here. How did you end up in that mondo storm?”

“I was near the main coast, by the Moonflow, when the sea suddenly went to hell before I could get to shore. I can’t believe I didn’t drown,” Kairi said before falling silent. Her head hurt enough that she was having a hard time thinking. “How did you know I surfed?”

“When I found you, you were clinging to a surfboard. Clearly a grommet.”

“What happened to it? The surfboard, I mean.”

“On the beach with my boards. I stuck it there to keep the tide from carrying it away after I got you to safety. Wanna get it?” Before she could respond, Xigbar scooped her up into his arms and carried her out of his pad. 

Kairi screamed when she saw what lay directly outside his house. Forty-foot drops tended to cause that reaction in her. Looking back over Xigbar’s shoulder Kairi realized his home was actually a tree house. It was an old decrepitated looking tree house, but a tree house all the same. Laughing at her fear, Xigbar leaped off the tree branch. After near heart failure on the redhead’s part, they landed on a rickety wood-and-rope bridge a few feet below the hermit’s home.

“You didn’t think I was just leaping to the ground, did you?” Xigbar asked, chuckling. “I may be crazy, but I’m not suicidal.”

He darted across the rope bridge faster than Kairi thought safe. Then when he reached a treetop, Xigbar started along another rope bridge. It appeared that he had an entire network of bridges across the entire jungle. In less time than expected, but still more than Kairi wanted to ride in Xigbar’s arms, he halted at the edge of the tree line. Below the leafy treetop level she could see the trees’ roots give way to a steep cliff and a rocky beach below. It had to be at least a hundred foot drop to the beach.

“We’re here,” Xigbar announced. “The beach may not look like much, but this is where the most righteous waves arrive. Other side of the island has a sandy bottom, but only lemur sized waves.”

“So why couldn’t we have gone there?”

“Your board’s here since this is where you wiped out. So, if you want it back you gotta collect it here.”

Xigbar jumped off another tree branch, eliciting another scream from Kairi. This time he didn’t land on a bridge, instead grabbing a vine and crashed into the tree trunk. Kairi’s already abused noggin thunked sideways into the tree’s bark. She yelped in pain. Xigbar grunted an apology, but continued bouncing down the side of the tree. She hit the trunk a few more times on the descent, but at least she was able to protect her head the rest of the way. 

“Three point landing!” Xigbar announced when he touched down on the beach.

“Thank Bahamut,” Kairi mumbled, hitting the ground. She wasn’t getting up until the world stopped spinning. If she didn’t have a concussion before their jaunt to the beach, she must have one now. ‘I can’t fall asleep until I get off this blasted rock and see a medic.’

“Bahamut had nothing to do with it,” Xigbar laughed. “I stuck your board in my beach shack. Just didn’t want it to wash away or anything. Want me to go get it?”

“Sure.” It would make him leave her alone for a few minutes, giving her a chance to collect herself.

She took several deep breaths and took assessment of her body. Her head throbbed hard enough that Kairi was certain she had a concussion, but nothing else felt that terrible. She had a few cuts and scrapes, but nothing serious, no broken bones, so she could still move about with relative ease. Perhaps the head injury kept her from noticing anything worse, but Kairi had to assume that wasn’t the case. She couldn’t function otherwise. As soon as her head felt just slightly better, Kairi was getting off the island, even if she had to build a raft to leave.

“Here’s your board. I’m afraid that it’s a little dinged up, but it should still ride the waves okay.”

“Thanks,” Kairi said, ruefully accepting the board. The funboard was more than just “a little dinged up.” If Yuffie didn’t have a fit about her getting lost at sea, she’d throw one over the wrecked board. “Have you seen the other half?”

“I’d say you’re only missing a fourth,” Xigbar said, “but no I haven’t. I would have salvaged that too and brought it back. The damage doesn’t look that bad, I’m certain you could repair it.”

“It’d probably cost more than the board is worth.”

“Not if it has enough sentimental value to you. I take it this isn’t your board?”

“No, my girlfriend’s.”

Xigbar’s eyebrows rose but he said nothing. He took the board back and helped her to her feet. Kairi really needed the help.

“I take it you don’t surf much, grommet.”

“Not since I was a kid. Even then I wasn’t that interested in surfing. I mean, I learned and it can be fun sometimes, but I always preferred blitzball. This wasn’t fun.”

“No, you had a major wipe out, but at least you’re alive; that is the important thing, dudette.”

“True.” Kairi stumbled as her vision grayed. The concussion was worse than she had previously assumed.

“Don’t go passing out on me now! Kairi!”

The world went black.

***

The first coherent thought Kairi had was, ‘Why is it that I keep passing out lately?’ Her second was, ‘How much brain hemorrhaging has occurred? Am I permanently brain damaged? Please let me still be smarter than Yuffie.’

“You now that wasn’t very nice. I’m plenty smart and at least I can tell when I’m thinking out loud,” Yuffie said confidently, before quietly adding, “…most of the time.”

“Yuffie?” Kairi asked.

“The one and only,” Yuffie said. She reached down and placed a hand on Kairi’s forehead before gently asking, “Can you open your eyes, babe?”

“It hurts to think.”

“No one could remember what medications you’re allergic to, so I don’t know if you were given any pain pills. I dunno if they give unconscious people pain pills anyway; oh, I bet it’d be through an IV, but that’s not important right now. Anyway, they scanned your head and everything, but they wouldn’t tell me the results because ‘I’m not family,’ which is total bullshit.” Yuffie made quotation marks with her fingers on the last part of the sentence. “I’m totally family. Oh, your mom’s flying in as soon as the airport is up and running again. Turns out that tropical storm really did turn into a hurricane.”

“What did they name it?”

“Hurricane Sin, kind of a weird name, eh? If an S-name was needed I would have gone with Seifer; that name just breeds trouble and that storm was totally out to get you.” Yuffie paused. “Did I mention I’m glad you’re not dead, yet? Because I really am glad.”

“I’m glad too.” Yuffie kissed her on the forehead, causing Kairi to smile weakly. “Now, can you see about getting me some pain pills before my head splits in two?”

“Righto,” Yuffie said, dashing out of the room. Rikku came in a moment later and smiled when she saw Kairi was awake.

“Hey, you okay?” Rikku, taking Yuffie’s recently vacated seat. “We were all scared when you disappeared. I had to drag Yuffie inside when the storm hit because she trying to swim after you. As soon as it was over she commandeered a boat and started searching for you.”

“Did you guys see Xiggy?” Kairi asked, wondering about her rescuer.

“Xiggy? Is he the lemur guy? Yeah, the coast guard got a radio call from him, which is how we found you. We were lucky he called because it had been three days and everyone, but Yuffie was certain you were dead. She was distraught they were pulling back on the search. I mean, other people were lost at sea too, you know?”

“Are there still missing people?”

“I think everyone’s been accounted for. One way or the other.”

“Good,” Kairi said, hoping the others had been found safe like her. She suspected that wasn’t true for everyone though. “Where were we?”

“Deep Jungle, that island really isn’t too far away, so it’s a bit of a surprise no one thought to check there. Everyone was really surprised that he—you called him Xiggy—was living on the island. They think he must have been shipwrecked there for years, which is really odd since he could have swum to shore in just a few hours.”

“He seemed really happy out there,” Kairi said thoughtfully.

“Must have been because he was extremely pissed the coast guard dragged him back to civilization with us. I understand their point of view, squatters aren’t supposed to be in a nature preserve messing with the endangered animals. I doubt he ever would have let anyone know that he was out there if you weren’t in such bad shape.”

‘Poor Xiggy,’ Kairi thought. ‘He really shouldn’t have been out on Deep Jungle, since that’s an endangered animal preserve. Although, it’s true he increased the lemur population and maybe helped edge it toward threatened instead of extinct… but he shouldn’t have been muddling with them in the first place. Still, if I hadn’t washed up there he could still be happily living with his lemurs.’

“What’s even weirder is that it seems like Yuffie knows him.”

“Seriously?”

“I found a nurse who’s willing to come give you some painkillers,” Yuffie announced as she entered the room. “They just finally had your medical file faxed here, so there are no more worries about accidently poisoning you.”

A nurse also came in with a cart of pills. She carefully checked Kairi’s chart before giving Kairi a small cup with a couple of pills in it. Kairi knocked back the pills, not bothering to wait for any water. She wanted them in her system as soon as possible, hoping that if nothing else the placebo effect would kick in. The nurse smiled at her then left. Rikku also decided this was a good time to leave and quietly made her departure.

“You know Xigbar?” Kairi asked Yuffie. If she really did this was a convenient coincidence.

“Oh yeah,” Yuffie said dismissively. “I first met Xiggy way back when I was a little kid. That was pretty brief, but he left a serious impression. Taught me how to surf. Anyway, we met up again a few years ago after the old man kicked me out. I hung out with him for a while. It was probably on that island, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yup,” Yuffie said, nodding. “I was his padawan.”

‘This is absolutely crazy,’ Kairi thought. “You didn’t think it was at all odd he lives in a tree house surrounded by lemurs?”

“Naw, I lived in weirder spots after I first moved out of Godo’s place,” Yuffie said. “I mean, I lived with Tifa during the school year, but during the summer I’d bum around the country staying in all types of places. Didn’t want to wear out my welcome with her, ya know? One time I spent a week sleeping in a plastic dinosaur at an abandoned playground.”

“Oh Yuffie,” Kairi sighed.

“Besides, the first time I met him, when I was five, it was on a beach, and he was a crazy looking pirate with a surfboard. Totally legit,” Yuffie nodded.

“That doesn’t even begin to fall under the definition of legit!”

The doctors determined that her head injury wasn’t that serious and, since Kairi was lucid enough, she was released from the hospital that afternoon. Well, if Kairi was being truly honest, the hospital didn’t want her to leave yet, but she happily signed the paperwork to get out against doctor’s orders. 

Yuffie wasn’t happy about it, but she couldn’t argue against Kairi’s decision thanks to her own track record. Her mother arrived as they were leaving the hospital and she flung herself onto Kairi, nearly putting the poor redhead back in the hospital. Mrs. Hart insisted Kairi come back with her and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Kairi wasn’t thrilled, but went along with it. Otherwise she might find out the redhead left without the hospital’s blessing.

At least Kairi was able to convince her mother that she be allowed to spend some time with Yuffie alone. Mrs. Hart wasn’t thrilled, but she agreed when Kairi pointed out she was an adult and if she forced the issue she wouldn’t visit her in the future. They settled on her meeting with Yuffie on a bench outside the hotel. Kairi was pretty certain her mother was watching her from one of the second story windows, but she did her best to ignore the woman.

“Have you noticed that we spend a lot of time in hospitals?” Kairi asked. “I’ve visited you in the hospital, I visited your father in the hospital, I had to take Roxas to the hospital, we brought and stayed with Aerith when she had to go to the hospital, and now I just got out of the hospital. That’s a lot more than I ever used to go.”

“That isn’t that many hospital visits,” Yuffie protested. “We’ve known each other four years and it’s not like anyone had to stay in the hospital more than once. Okay, maybe I’ve been admitted twice, but definitely not more than three times!”

“We’re spending too much time needing medical attention. It’s completely unhealthy, babe,” Kairi said. She blinked and noted that her constant headache had abated some. Had to be the placebo effect, normally pills took at least another twenty minutes for her, or else they gave her something really strong. Whatever it was she wasn’t going to complain about it. “At least my brain is feeling better now.”

“Doc said you shouldn’t do any serious physical activity for at least a week or three to make certain that all the extra blood goes away. That means no surfing.”

“I suppose that also means no sex,” Kairi said thoughtfully. “Hopefully my physician will stop by soon enough that I can find out my care instructions myself.”

“What?” Yuffie yelped, “but—“

“Grommet!” Xigbar yelled, walking up to them. “How’s the head?”

“Better,” Kairi said, smiling. “I’m sorry you had to lose Luke and everyone. If I hadn’t been in such bad shape you wouldn’t have lost your lifestyle.”

“Preserving your life was more important than keeping mine in stasis. Mother Nature believes in change and I had forgotten that. Besides, Luke decided to stay with me.” Xigbar grinned and yanked down the collar of his tacky new Hawaiian shirt, which allowed the little lemur’s furry head to pop out. After a moment Xigbar tapped Luke on the forehead and she retreated back into his shirt.

“Isn’t that illegal?” Kairi asked. 

“We’re soul mates,” Xigbar said, as if that trumped illegal transport of endangered animals. Kairi made a mental note to tell her friends later that no one had seen Luke since they left Deep Jungle.

“Where are you going Xiggy?” Yuffie asked. “If you need a place to stay, I could gladly put you up.”

“No no my little padawan,” Xigbar said. “The earth is my home and Mother Nature always provides. I can find a new home for Luke and myself.”

“Let me at least buy you a ticket,” Yuffie said. “Atlantis or Tortuga? Atlantis has the king of waves, but Tortuga probably has more places for a guy like yourself to fit in.”

“It is a kind offer, but I refuse to take charity.”

“What about Destiny Islands?” Kairi asked. “I need someone to make certain that my mom gets home safely. Your escort would be far more valuable than the price of the ticket. There are also a lot of uncharted and uninhabited islands out there. You could find a place to live with Luke.”

“Well…” Xigbar drawled, clearly considering the idea.

“It’s always wonderful weather in any part of the archipelago, the waves are decent, and I bet that Luke would love to share a paopu fruit with you,” Kairi said.

“I would love to escort your mother,” Xigbar said. He had decided Kairi’s argument was convincing enough to go.

“Great! Show up at the station tomorrow and I’ll get your ticket when we get mom’s ticket,” Yuffie said. Xigbar nodded and then wandered away.

“My mother would have heart failure if you call her ‘mom’ in her presence,” Kairi said dryly. “She still hasn’t fully accepted the fact I’m gay. Or that I’m dating you.”

“Would she like me better if we got married?”

“Without a doubt. Mom’s never liked premarital sex. She’d probably knit you a stocking for Christmas and talk about you in the family newsletter. You would be expected to show up for all family functions and be a dutiful daughter. Or possibly son; she’s pretty hidebound for her expectations on gender roles and I don’t know if she’d prefer to think of you as a son because you married me or treat you as a second daughter.”

“None of that sounds too terrible. Actually, I’d love a hand knitted sock.”

“You’d be related to Axel.”

“Only by marriage,” Yuffie countered, making a face.

“I’m not ready to get married, Yuf.”

“I know. And I’m not ready to purpose. But one of these days I will and when I do, I expect you to accept.”

“Sure, Yuf.”

I’m dead serious, if I go through the effort of proposing, I expect you to say yes, babe.”

“Then don’t ask me unless you seriously think I’ll say yes,” Kairi smirked.

“I won’t, promise.”

“Good.” Kairi slipped off the bench and stretched. Then she offered a hand to Yuffie. “Want to come inform my mother we’re having your eccentric former teacher escort her home?”

“Not particularly,” Yuffie said, accepting the hand, “but I’ll come help anyway. She’ll probably scream less if I’m there, after all, I’m not family.”

“She doesn’t think you are,” Kairi agreed as they walked back toward the hotel. “But she’d be wrong.”


	20. Computer Controversy and a Convention

"Gomu gomu no bazooka!” Luffy shouted on the screen as he whaled on an evil pirate.

Yuffie cheered, accidentally spraying the computer screen with a mouthful of pop. She quickly wiped it off with her sleeve. There was no way she’d willingly damage Kairi’s computer. A quick glance around the room revealed the redhead was nowhere in sight. The ninja resumed enjoying her show. 

Zoro appeared on screen fighting an evil swordsman. As per the style of the anime, Yuffie couldn’t even see the swords except when they were locked in a power struggle. Neither man was willing to let the other win. It was all very dramatic. Yuffie leaned in closer, careful not to jostle the sleeping bird in her lap. Technically Zoro’s moves were impossible to use in real life, but she still wanted to know exactly how he performed them. She always found it fun trying to mimick them until the physics failed.

“What have I told you about pirated anime?” Kairi asked.

“You don’t mind me watching as long as I don’t download anything,” Yuffie said, still focused on Zoro.

“And if I don’t need my laptop.”

“Right.” Yuffie glanced up from the screen. “You need it?”

“Yup. I’m waiting for a lab report.” Kairi carefully pulled her laptop out of Yuffie’s grasp. “Considering how much you monopolize my laptop, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten your own.”

“But they’re confusing to use,” Yuffie whined.

“You use mine better than I do,” Kairi said. “Didn’t you have a computer in school?”

“Yeah, but it’s seven years old now, which is ancient in computer years,” Yuffie said. She got up from her chair; careful to lift Yuna first, and then set her down on the chair without waking the chocobo. “Besides, I gave it to Tifa when I quit school and she’s been using that old desktop for her business.”

“Get a computer,” Kairi said. “You may not know the differentiate between a gigabyte and a gigablast, but you can certainly operate one.”

“It’d be a huge hassle to buy one,” Yuffie said, trying to dismiss the conversation. She leaned over Kairi’s shoulder and pointed at an unopened letter in her email, trying to find something to distract Kairi’s attention. “Open that one, it’s from Sora.”

Kairi nodded, then clicked the message to open Sora’s message. The redhead tilted the screen forward so that she could read easier, but that made it impossible for Yuffie to read from her angle. That was a little annoying, as Yuffie was genuinely curious what Kairi’s friend had to say. Sora wasn’t much of a writer.

“What does it say?” Yuffie asked.

“Sora has a couple of extra tickets to a convention and wanted to know if we can go. It’s in two weeks and he’d rather not waste the money or try and find a buyer online if he didn’t have to.”

“I am not going to some gay man leather fest,” Yuffie declared. Kairi made a face.

“I think Sora would be inviting Selphie if that were the case. He knows we aren’t fans.”

“Now if there were women involved, maybe,” Yuffie said, still thinking about a potential visit to a leather convention. “There would be a lot of skin shown—that would be neat—but I’m not particularly interested in S&M, which usually goes hand in hand with—” Yuffie had to duck a shoe thrown away. Apparently Kairi didn’t like where the surfer’s train of thought was going.

“He invited us to an anime convention,” Kairi said, “not a leather fest.”

“An anime convention?” Yuffie echoed her words, perking up. “We’ve been invited to an anime convention? That’s awesome!”

“I guess,” Kairi said. “I’m not a huge anime fan, though, so it doesn’t mean a lot to me.”

“But we gotta go!” Yuffie insisted. “I mean, sure, we won’t have the greatest of cosplays, since there’s almost no time before the event, but this’ll be great. We could totally throw together matching cosplays.”

“I will go with you to this convention on one condition,” Kairi said. “You will buy your own computer and stop mooching mine.”

“Deal.”

***

Yuffie walked into the store expecting it to be like any other store. It wasn’t. To start with, everything was white, this odd clear milky white. Absolutely everything. If it weren’t for the colorful shirts on the people she would have thought she had gone blind. All the hairs went up on the back of her neck and Yuffie knew she was in a bad place. She turned tail and ran… right smack into the nearly invisible door. Fearing she really had gone blind Yuffie panicked and flailed like a lizard that had just lost her tail. The ninja pulled her face off the glass door and backed up, shaking as she tried to orient herself. Feeling she was ready to make another escape attempt Yuffie charged again, this time crashing through the glass door.

“What the hell was that?” Kairi demanded when she found her girlfriend quivering in the leaves of a mall tree. The foliage did a poor job hiding her. She got no response. “Yuffie Kisaragi, you get down from that tree right this instant.”

“No.”

“I’ll call the mall security.”

“No.”

“Yuffie, you ran through a glass door. You’re hurt, get out of that tree.”

“It’s just a flesh wound.” Yuffie didn’t feel any pain, though perhaps that was due to the adrenaline surging through her veins.

“I can see blood trickling down the trunk.”

“No! I feel safe in high places.”

“By Ixion’s mane and tail,” Kairi swore, rubbing her forehead. “Yuffie, what on earth made you bolt through the glass Apple door? Those things are built to take a beating, so something must have made you pretty determined to blast your way through. What set you off badly enough to risk slashing open a major artery and bleeding out in your haste to get out?”

“It was too white,” Yuffie said, unable to properly articulate her discomfort with the store. Even remembering it left her stomach in knots.

“You’ve bought Apple products before, Yuffie. My laptop, for example,” Kairi said. Her frown deepened. “This had better not be the set up for some stupid excuse to get out of paying for the damage you caused.”

“It’s not! And I was never in one of their shops before. That little computer guy just placed the order for me when I told him I wanted to get you a new one. All I had to do was give him my credit card. There was no whiteness.”

“I’ll admit that Apple stores are a little unusual in their fashion choices,” Kairi said carefully, “but they’re just store trying to be edgy to sell their product. It’s kinda stupid, but they make good computers and I really like their products. Can you please come out of that tree now, babe?”

Yuffie shook her head, causing the entire tree to shake.

“We won’t go back to that store tonight,” Kairi promised. At this Yuffie slowly slid down the trunk and out of the tree. Kairi steadied her, then tightly grabbed an arm and marched her back to the store.

“Hey, what gives,” Yuffie yelped. “You promised we wouldn’t go back.”

“I promised we wouldn’t go back tonight,” Kairi said. “However, right now, we’re going to meet with the store manager, you apologize, and then give them all the necessary financial information so that they can repair their store. You do not want to be sued for damages.”

After two hours of arguing, apologizing, and a quick tumble with a box of band-aids, the girls found themselves sitting on a bench outside of the mall. Sercurity had politely, but also firmly told them they were banned from entering the building again. Kairi was so furious Yuffie wouldn’t have been surprised if she burst into flames. She was pretty certain this was the first time her girlfriend had been present when se was banned from something. Yuffie would feel worse about the situation, but this wasn’t her first banning. She did, however, have the sense not to point out Kairi ought to be grateful she wasn’t banned alongside Yuffie. That wasn’t the sort of silver lining Kairi wanted.

Instead Yuffie behaved herself, choosing to silently listen to Kairi as she tried to regain her temper with long meditative breaths. Yuffie didn’t bother her; she knew if she did the redhead would start screaming. Nobody liked it when Kairi screamed; she had a piercing voice and a scathing tongue when she was irate. At least the redhead‘s earlier yelling resulted in Yuffie getting first aid instead of a police visit. Now that she didn’t have a useful target for her rage she was trying to calm down.

So Yuffie focused on her new band-aids. Moogles and cactuars danced across her arms protecting a sea of shallow cuts. She also knew there was a large fat chocobo on her forehead. In the picture the chocobo was drooling a little, but Yuffie still liked it; it was her favorite design from the box. The moogle band-ads were definitely her least favorite; the background color was yellow, which clashed with the blobby little moogles. The orange background cactuar band-aids were at least a million times better.

“You were banned from the Twilight Town Apple store,” Kairi finally said. Her voiced had a controlled measured quality to it. Yuffie could hear the current of anger underneath. “You weren’t banned from all Apple stores and you weren’t banned from the Twilight Town mall. You were not arrested. The manager accepted your apology and agreed to send you the bill. Charges will not be pressed against you.” She lapsed into silence. She tiredly looked Yuffie in the eyes. “You know it’s a bloody miracle, right?”

Yuffie nodded vigorously.

“I know you lead a quiet and conservative life compared to a lot of pro athletes,” Kairi began. “You don’t drink excessively, you don’t do drugs or get into problematic sexual situations. You don’t blow all your money on fast cars that you crash or damaging hotel room with wild parties. Your kleptomania is well controlled and you’ve worked on your impulse control so that you rarely pull stunts like today or that time you took a golf club to the heads of all the garden gnomes in that suburban community.” 

“I’ve grown up a bit since meeting you,” Yuffie agreed.

“I should be proud of you,” Kairi said, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Technically, I am proud of you, but at the moment all I can do is keep myself from strangling you over that stupid stunt.”

Yuffie threw an arm around Kairi shoulder. She pulled her in and kissed the redhead’s temple. At the moment nothing she could say would help, so she just held her. That seemed to do the trick because Kairi clung to her shirtfront.

“You need to be aware of your surroundings,” Kairi scold, but there was no fire behind her words as there had been before. “I mean you ran through a bloody glass door. It’s amazing you didn’t seriously injure yourself. I was serious when I said that you could have bled out on that glass if it cut you wrong. One of these days you’re going to seriously hurt someone and I hope it’s not yourself, Yuf, though I doubt you’d want to guilt of permanently injuring someone else.”

“You’re right, I really don’t. I’ll be more careful,” Yuffie promised. She paused before asking, “Can we still go to the convention?” 

“Excuse me?” Kairi said, pulling away.

“I know I promised to buy my own computer before the convention, but you understand why that probably won’t happen. Can we still go? Please?” Yuffie looked at her pleadingly. “I’ll still get one and I promise not to borrow your computer again until after I do. We could even use your computer to order me one online! That’s a thing, right?”

“You have a one track mind, Yuf.”

“Yes ma’am. Can we still go? Pretty please?”

“Fine, but no more breaking things and that includes your body,” Kairi warned. She sniffed looking at her girlfriend with an unimpressed expression on her face. “Also, I’m not wearing anything scanty or revealing to this convention. I’m not a piece of meat.”

“Deal, totally a deal,” Yuffie grinned. “I wouldn’t want you going in anything you weren’t comfortable and totally on board with.”

***

“You guys made it!” Sora shouted gleefully as he wrapped his arms around Kairi. She hugged him back just as tightly.

“You guys really go all out for these events,” Kairi said.

“If we had more time I would have come up with better costumes,” Yuffie said sulkily.

“What? No, I like the fact I look almost normal,” Kairi said, fingering her stripped t-shirt. “Except for an odd looking wristwatch, I could be anywhere. I was just impressed by Sora’s costume.”

Yuffie bit back the correction that Kairi was actually wearing a compass, not a wristwatch, and simply agreed Sora’s cosplay was impressive. He had put in a lot of effort to appear like a realistic angel. His pure white wings must have taken weeks to construct and build because they were made of white feathers and looked like they belonged to an oversized bird. His actual clothing consisted of a white tunic with fuzzy little boots. There were a lot of other little details that really made his cosplay pop, but Yuffie liked all of the Greek themed jewelry built in best.

“He might look angelic, but he’s a devil in bed,” Riku laughed, alerting the others to his presence. Sora squawked and protested his innocence as his husband bent down, kissed his head, and murmured he was just joking. Meeting Kairi’s eyes Riku’s smirk developed into a legitimate smile and he gave her a gentle hug. When he pulled back he and Yuffie exchanged a fist bump in greeting.

“What are you?” Kairi asked, “a samurai?”

“A shinigami,” Riku said.

“From _Bleach_ ,” Yuffie said, recognizing the uniform. “But I can’t place where Sora is from.”

“I’m Pit from the _Kid Icarus_ series. This is the new model of him,” Sora said, turning around and showing off his costume. “I like your Luffy cosplay. Very stylish.”

Yuffie beamed and adjusted her straw hat. The Luffy costume was simple, but effective and easy to move in. “Thanks. Kairi is Nami.”

“I like it too,” Kairi said. “Shall we go in now?”

They headed into the convention center. Yuffie was a little surprised by the massive amount of people at the convention—it wasn’t one she had heard of before, so she had assumed it was new and or small—but the crowd pleased her. Kairi was just stunned.

“Why would so many people want to dress up as cartoon characters?” she asked, shaking her head.

“Because it’s a ton of fun,” Yuffie said. She turned to Sora. “Do our passes last for all of the con or just today?”

“Sorry,” Sora said. “You’ve just got day passes. My buddies were only supposed to be available to play for the day, so it wasn’t worth getting them passes to the entire con.”

“It’s cool. We just need to make the most of today then. Kairi, there is a ton of stuff I want to buy,” Yuffie said. The pirate captain grabbed her navigator by the hand and pulled her into the crowd.

There were hundreds of booths in the dealer’s hall. This convention seemed a lot more interested in selling things than other conventions Yuffie had attended in the past. Most of it was stuff Yuffie wasn’t interested in, but she knew that among all the shiny colors and flashing novelty items were some good quality finds. She wanted to find the booths with those deals and do it before someone else bought it out from under her. Yuffie hated being scooped by the competition.

They spent two hours crawling through the rows of booths before Kairi pleaded they desist. Yuffie had yet to find anything worth buying. Sure there had been neat toys and photos, there were even some amazing fan-made anime and manga, but Yuffie already had a vast collection. She had reached a point in her life where she could picky about what to add, as she had enough of a base to no longer indiscriminately need everything. If this convention could just produce one amazing piece worth adding, Yuffie would be ecstatic.

“Could we stop for a bit?” Kairi pleaded. “If I get another elbow to the gut from some guy who doesn’t notice I’m there, I’m leaving.”

“Sure babe,” Yuffie said. She’d do whatever possible to ensure Kairi enjoyed her first con. Yuffie loved these sorts of activities, when she had the time, and she wanted to share that part of her life with her girlfriend. Even if Kairi wasn’t currently fannish in this way, she thought she could be. Yuffie wanted to share as much of her life with the other girl as possible.

They leaned against the edge of one of the tables. Surprisingly, other visitors actually gave them some space. After a bit of resting Kairi sighed, shaking her head.

“Is the whole point of this just buying crap?” Kairi asked.

“Course not,” Yuffie said. “For one thing, lots of this stuff is free. Secondly, there are neat demos and skits in the evening. And a huge portion of these things are seeing what other people are wearing and showing off your stuff.”

“So we bought tickets to be in a huge fashion show?”

“And to get free stuff and see new material, yes. Other conventions have discussions that cover a host of topics. You might like some of the more social commentary ones, but I don’t think this convention has a lot of that.”

“Huh, I guess I can live with that. Think we’ll be recognized in the um… cosplay you made?”

“I should be, Luffy is famous and you should be recognized by proxy, but our costumes aren’t that great. I doubt we’ll be photographed much unless we run into a bunch of other _One Piece_ pirates and there are group photos.”

“Good. I don’t need a zillion photos of me floating around all over the Internet.” Kairi leaned against Yuffie. “I can do this in public, right? You didn’t dress me up as your mortal enemy, did you, Yuffie?”

“No, I wouldn’t do that to you, but when we’re getting home you’re watching _One Piece_ with me. At least a couple seasons,” Yuffie said. “I, Monkey D. Luffy, will some day be the pirate king. You are my navigator and friend, Nami. That’s canon. In fandom we’re a popular enough pairing for a het couple.”

“Pairing, as in a couple?”

“Let me put it this way,” Yuffie said, wrapping an arm around Kairi’s waist. “We can act as coupley as we want and the only thing that’ll happen is people will want photos of us.”

Kairi kissed her. She pulled away when a large flash occurred. Yuffie, not ready to stop, tried to follow her lips, then pulled her in for another kiss when she couldn’t reach. More flashing occurred. Even with her eyes shut Yuffie found the flashing lights too annoying to ignore, which was why, with much regret, she broke off the kiss.

“Either stop taking pictures of us or turn off the flash,” Yuffie snapped, wincing as another blinding flash occurred. They seriously ought to know better. The room was light enough their camera’s auto-flash shouldn’t be working. This was an intentional poor choice.

“Come on,” Kairi said. “Let’s go find Riku and Sora. We can grab lunch together. Maybe they’ll have some ideas for what to do for the rest of the day.”

When they found Sora and Riku the boys were posing for photos. This didn’t surprise Yuffie; Sora especially had an amazing cosplay. It was completely normal and almost expected that other visitors would want photos of them. They waited through several more photos before Sora caught sight of them. He waved them over and insisted they pose with them for a group photo. Yuffie thought that was a fantastic way to commemorate Kairi’s first convention and readily agreed.

Sora produced a camera and handed it over to one of the bystanders. Yuffie and Kairi squeezed between Sora and Riku for the photo. Several flashes occurred; apparently they weren’t the only ones who wanted a group photo. Sora thanked his photographer when he retrieved his camera then told the crowd that he needed a break. Not everyone was thrilled Sora was leaving already, as they wanted more pictures, but no one complained. Sora had that effect.

The group headed over to a frozen yogurt stand. It was the only food venue in the area and Sora had already made it clear that if he had to walk more than twenty paces Riku would have to carry him and his heavy wings. After purchasing their provisions the group commandeered a table. When the initial hunger pangs were sated, conversation arose. Sora first launched into a long tale about his recent adventures. Luckily it was interesting enough to keep Yuffie’s mind from wandering. When he finished recounting a run in with an octopus in his boat Sora asked about what the girls had been doing.

“I’m trying to buy a computer,” Yuffie said.

“Trying?” Riku asked.

“The Apple store scared her,” Kairi said. Thankfully neither man asked her to elaborate.

“But why?” Sora asked, mind-boggled. “Apple Stores are awesome!”

“Not everyone is a Mac user,” Riku said gently.

“Don’t remind me of your past, Riku,” Sora said, turning away.

“Riku’s a PC user?” Kairi asked in surprise. Sora gave a hiccupping sob as he nodded.

“I didn’t know when he asked me to marry him,” he explained, rubbing his eyes. He looked like he was about to start crying. Riku tried to rub the brunet’s shoulders, but the wings got in his way.

“Sora, I converted for you. Do you have any idea how hard it is to learn a new system? It’s an entirely different way of thinking. I had to completely change my mindset.” Riku sighed and shook his head, reaching for his husband’s neck. “Oh, don’t cry babe.”

“What am I supposed to tell the children, Riku?” Sora wailed. “What will they do when they find out their daddy is a heathenish Dell Man? That he sold his soul to Bill Gates? They’ll be so ashamed!”

“I did not sell my soul to Bill Gates.”

“Could have fooled me, Dell Man.”

“Bill Gates doesn’t even own Dell computers!”

“What other lies will you tell our children?”

“Gates does not run every computer company besides Mactonish and he isn’t the root of all evil… Sora, your argument doesn’t even make sense, we don’t have any children.”

“Oh, so you’re a PC user and a child hater too, Riku?”

“Sora,” Riku snapped, turning his husband around so that they were facing each other. “I would love to have kids with you, after I finish school and we can afford them. When they’re old enough to ask about computers you’ll tell them their daddy loved their mommy so very much he converted to Macs for him.”

“I’m Mommy?” Sora asked, blinking.

“Would you rather us both be called ‘daddy’?” Riku asked. “That might get confusing.”

“If I’m not giving birth, I’m not mommy,” Sora said. “I’ll be daddy and you’ll be papa.”

“Okay, I am not being called papa. You can be papa, I’ll be daddy.”

“Guys,” Kairi interrupted, “we were discussing Yuffie’s computer needs.”

“Oh right,” Sora said.

“What do you want it for?” Riku asked.

“To fulfill the promise,” Yuffie said promptly.

“She wants to watch shows online,” Kairi said. “Beyond that it just needs the basics: music, word processing, photos, etc.”

“I can’t think of any current computer type that wouldn’t be able to do that,” Riku said. “Do you have any prior computer experience, Yuffie? I mean besides borrowing Kairi’s computer.”

“I had a PC in college,” Yuffie said. “It was our home computer and I was definitely the best at using it.”

“Since you have an understanding of PCs, get a PC.”

Sora hissed.

“What?” Riku said. “They’re cheap, easy to repair or upgrade, and very customizable. Also a lot of programs are only available for PCs. Traditionally Macs have been absolutely screwed for online gaming.”

“How well could you use it?” Kairi asked, looking attentively at Yuffie.

“It only crashed on me once a day,” Yuffie said proudly. Riku made an odd hiccupping noise. “Whenever dad or any of the guys—the live in students that is, day kids never had the access—the computer would crash in about ten minutes. Dad almost always got it smoking. I can’t remember how many times we had to use a fire extinguisher on it.”

“Where is this computer now?”

“With Tifa, remember? Although I think she said she’s never had to deal with any smoke.”

“Have you ever crashed my computer or caused smoke to come out of it?” Kairi said. Yuffie had to think about it for a moment.

“Never,” she answered, shaking her head.

“Mac User,” Sora and Riku said simultaneously.

“But they’re all so white,” Yuffie whined.

“They’ve switched over to using silver casings for most of their computers now,” Riku said. “Yuffie, you only want to use a computer for simple tasks and a Mac is hardy enough to survive your abuse. A PC would be a lot more sensitive and break down constantly.

“I can use a PC,” Yuffie said hotly.

“You can,” Kairi said with a sigh. “I won’t hold it against you if you buy a PC. I told you to get a computer, but it’s your choice and preference as to what type. If you want a PC, I will tolerate and learn to accept your choices. You are more important than my prejudice.”

“Although they are well founded,” Sora added darkly.

Riku pinched his rear, causing the angel to jump. “I may have converted for you, but you fell in love with a practicing PC user. So hush.”

“Sora, have you ever had a problem with Riku’s religious beliefs?” Yuffie asked, wondering if Sora had any non-computer related prejudices.

“Never.” Sora grinned brilliantly at Riku. “I don’t care if he believes in Yevon, or the Northern gods, like Ifirit or Ixion, or if he believes in the three goddesses. Heck, if someone thinks we’re the cosmic result of some Moomba’s cold, that’s cool with me too.”

“So you’re only bigoted toward PC users,” Yuffie said, feeling like she finally understood.

“Pretty much,” Riku said, earning a disgruntled yelp from Sora.

“Sora, what would you do if your children were PC users?” Kairi asked.

“I would blame Riku for corrupting them and go into therapy, but I would always love them,” Sora said promptly. Yuffie was surprised by how quickly he said that. He obviously put more thought into his hypothetical progeny than she ever had.

“Look,” Riku started. “I think we need to leave this conversation before you convince Sora to never have sex with me again.” After waving goodbye Riku threw Sora over his shoulder and carried him into the crowd.

“Sora is just a little batty about Macs,” Kairi said. “Most of the world is made up of PC users and Sora’s gotten a lot of flack for liking Macs over the years. I don’t think he been teased anywhere near as much for being gay, which is kind of amazing in its own way. He’s shifted from being defensive about his preferences all the time to actively attacking what he considers the opposition so that his feelings won’t get hurt.”

“What are your feelings?”

“I’ve already said I’m a Mac person and that you have every right to be a PC user.”

“I asked what your feelings are, Kairi,” Yuffie said feeling a little frustrated. “You don’t have to be accepting of all points of view and I’d rather you weren’t because I want your actual thoughts. Your private thoughts.”

“Really truly?”

“Really truly. Otherwise we’ll have friction down the road.”

“I wish you’d get Mac. Sure, there may not be as much software out there for Macs, but they’re low maintenance computers and intuitive to use.” She pushed her bangs out of her eyes. “Plus, I like Macs and know how to fix most of their user problems. It would be easier if we just used the same type of computer.”

“Then I’ll get a Mac.”

“But I don’t want to force you to get a Mac.”

“You’re forcing me to get a computer, babe,” Yuffie laughed. “If you think I can be happy with a Mac, I’ll get a Mac. Besides, you’ll be able to help me if there’s some sort of problem with it.”

“If that’s what you really want…”

“That’s what I really want,” Yuffie said firmly. “As long as I don’t have to buy it in an Apple store I’m cool with whatever.”

“I suppose we could get it through Apple’s online site,” Kairi said thoughtfully.

They heard a sudden crackling from above. Yuffie’s head jerked up looking for the source of the noise. That was when she saw the fireworks. They were little ones, mostly bright circles of yellow light, but this was just the beginning and the really cool ones were always saved for last. The convention organizers must have arranged for a professionally done show, as they were easily seen through the building’s glass skylights.

“Fireworks!” Yuffie squealed, grabbing Kairi and pulling her aside to watch the show. She couldn’t think of a better surprise ending to the day.

***

“Why cruel world why?” Yuffie wailed.

“It’s not that bad, Yuffie,” Kairi said gently, trying to console her girlfriend.

“I didn’t find a single damn thing worth buying!”

That wasn’t quite true. After sending a grand total of nine hours hunting through the booths Yuffie found one thing that interested her. It was a cat maid costume—complete with ears, tail, and bell collar—that would look perfect on Kairi. Unfortunately the redhead put her foot down and refused to let Yuffie even think of buying it. As Kairi said at the time, if she wanted to dress as a creepy cat girl slave, she’d make the bloody costume herself and not buy it from an obsessive fan boy that had probably already slept in it.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Kairi began, pulling something out of her back pocket, “I got you something.”

“What is it?” Yuffie asked, perking up instantly.

“This,” Kairi said, handing her a slip of paper.

“You got me… paper.”

“Try reading it, Yuf.”

“Right.” Yuffie pulled out her cell phone and flipped it open for the light. She scanned the paper; it looked like an order form. Luckily it was filled out in Kairi’s familiar script. “You got me a plushie?”

“A custom made plushie.”

“Of what?”

Kairi didn’t answer. Yuffie glanced over at her girlfriend, but could not distinguish much in the post midnight dark. On a hunch she reached over and touched her girl’s cheek. It was hot to the touch, which told the ninja exactly what she wanted to know.

“You’re blushing,” Yuffie said. “Now I gotta know what you got me.”

“It’s just sorta stupid.”

“If you thought I’d like it, then it’s not stupid.”

“I got you a doll of…” Kairi paused, licking her lips. “Well, of me.”

“You got me a Kairi doll?” Yuffie asked delightedly.

Kairi nodded. “While you were fighting with that boxing fox pirate and causing a scene, I was admiring an _Okami_ plushie at one of the booths. The doll maker and I got into a conversation, which eventually turned to you and our relationship. Long story made short, she makes custom dolls and ordered one of myself for you. She had me pose for several pictures to get my likeness for the plushie.”

“So, will you look like Nami?” Yuffie asked. “Because then it’ll just look like Nami plushie instead of you.”

“No,” Kairi said slowly, “I won’t look like Nami.”

“What kind of plushie is this?” Yuffie asked, picking up on the oddity in her tone. When she didn’t answer, Yuffie said, “Kairi.”

“A cat doll.”

“You got me a cat maid doll, oh Kairi!”

“No,” Kairi said sharply. “It’s just got cat ears and a tail. No maid costume. I think I’ll, or rather it’ll, be wearing jeans and a t-shirt.”

“But I could stick you in a maid costume,” Yuffie said, eyes gleaming.

“I guess,” Kairi said, shrugging.

“Oh Kairi!” Yuffie wrapped her arms around her girlfriend in a monstrous hug. “Best present ever.”

“And now you’ll buy that computer.”

“Right,” Yuffie agreed disinterestedly.

“Don’t worry, we can use the online store and it isn’t unusually white.”

“That’s something.”

“And you know what, Yuffie?” Kairi said. “You can get your computer in black.”

“Oh,” Yuffie blinked in realization. “Awesome.”

With this plan in mind they caught the trolley home. Yuna was so ecstatic to see them she didn’t bother to peck Yuffie’s bare ankles. Later the chocobo would get annoyed with the both of them and go for Yuffie’s ankles, but for the moment she was just grateful they were home. It was a good night all around and even Kairi had to admit that was a great convention.


	21. A New Hart

“Kairi, you gotta help me.”

“Axel?” Kairi groaned into the phone, willing her eyes to open. “It’s four in the morning.”

“Kairi, please help me, please. You’re the only one I can turn to and I need you.”

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t talk about it on the phone,” Axel whispered. “Roxas might hear and I can’t let my little angel hear.”

“Why can’t he hear?”

“Because he can’t know about this.”

“Why not?”

“Can I just explain when I get there?”

“Fine,” Kairi sighed, hanging up the phone.

She woke up a second time when she heard pounding on the door. Growling slightly, Kairi stumbled out to her front door. If she could hear him then her neighbors could hear him and that was not acceptable.

She pulled the door and nearly hit her forehead on it because she had forgotten to unlock the door. Clearly Kairi needed more sleep to be able to make any rational decisions. After she had gotten the door open she was shocked by what she saw.

Axel stood there with a helpless look on his face and a bouncing baby boy in his arms. Actually, it was more of a toddler than a baby, which is how Kairi was able to determine the gender. The little boy had short red spiky hair and was currently trying to shove his fingers up the man’s nose.

“What is that?” Kairi demanded.

“This is what I need help with.” He held out the little boy to her. “You have breasts, feed it.”

Kairi’s jaw dropped. “You did not just say that,” she said. “You did not just say something so horribly sexist that I have to call Roxas right now and inform him of what you said.”

“You can’t do that to me, Kairi!” Axel said, raising his voice on each word until he screamed her name. This caused the little boy to start wailing.

“Shut up, shut up,” Kairi hissed, grabbing her cousin by his shirtfront and dragging him into the apartment. After she shut the front door she said, “Are you trying to evict me?”

“Shut up, damn it, be quiet,” Axel snapped, starting to shake the child.

Kairi snatched the boy out of his arms and slapped Axel hard. “No wonder he’s crying,” she said, seething. “You don’t ever shake a child. Ever, Axel. You could have killed him.”

Axel looked at her like she had just shaken him. “I just don’t know what to do,” he said quietly.

Kairi just shook her head. If he had hurt this kid she was going to kill him. She looked down at the child, who by this point had stopped crying and firmly wedged himself into her breast, and wished she had a home castration kit.

“Look in the cupboard and find whatever sickeningly sweet cereal Yuffie’s eating,” Kairi said. Axel moved to comply. “It’s about the only thing we have that I think he’ll eat.”

She tried to set the kid on the couch, but he started crying immediately. In the end she found herself sitting on the couch with the boy on her lap eating cereal. He was a messy eater and had somehow gotten the colorful loops in his hair, but thankfully, he was quiet. Axel warily sat in an armchair, looking like he’d make a dash for the door the first chance he got. Unfortunately for him though, Kairi was in the way.

Several hours after the boy had fallen asleep and spilled food all over the couch, Yuffie got out of bed. Kairi heard the thud of Yuffie falling out of bed the way she usually did whenever she slept alone. Then a minute later there was the thump-thump-thump of Yuffie stomping across the floorboards with unninja-like grace. A door slammed waking up Axel. He flailed wildly then fell out of his chair. It seemed Kairi was surrounded by people who fell when they woke.

This second thud had prompted a click clattering noise. Yuna waddled out to investigate the noise. When she saw the sleeping boy she let out a shrill wark of rage and flew at him. Kairi had raised a jealous bird.

Axel, from his prime position sprawled on the floor, saw the bird dive-bombing the boy and moved to act. Time seemed to slow as the man made a leap any receiver would appreciate, nimbly catching the chocobo then he snapped her to his chest and fell, back first, onto the wobbly coffee table. The legs cracked instantaneously and man and bird continued to fall another six inches before landing with a crash. The boy woke up wailing.

Yuffie rushed into the living room due to all the noise. The cereal box, which had flown up in a spiral when Axel hit it, had enough centripetal force acting on it that the box top opened and the remaining loops flew out making a rainbow pattern similar to a spiral galaxy form for a moment. Kairi thought it was beautiful and wished she had her camera. Then time sped up again and cereal rocketed in every direction.

“Please tell me this is some sort of nightmare,” Yuffie said, scratching her ear.

Kairi threw a pillow at her. It went wide and knocked a picture to the floor. The glass broke.

Yuffie picked up the frame and brushed glass off the photo. “What did my mother ever do to you?” she asked.

The toddler continued to wail. Yuna bit Axel on the nose, causing the redhead to scream. It was so loud that Kairi couldn’t hear herself think. Yuffie set the photo of her mother on a bookcase and lifted two fingers to her lips.

A resounding ‘Twee’ silenced the room. Dropping the fingers from her mouth, Yuffie asked cheerfully, “Will somebody tell me what the fuck is going on?”

Yuffie didn’t get her answer until much later after the cereal had been mostly cleaned up. Axel had been rolled off the coffee table and lifted on the couch. Yuna was locked in the bathroom. The little boy was so enamored by Yuffie’s whistle that he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He didn’t make a peep when Kairi gently set him on the vacated armchair so that she could pick up pieces of coffee table.

Now that the room once again resembled a living room Kairi sat down heavily in the papason chair. Yuffie leaned against a couch arm.

“Somebody start talking fast,” she said.

“We can go buy a new frame this afternoon,” Kairi said soothingly.

Yuffie flashed her girlfriend a smile. “That’s good to know, but not in part at the moment. What’s with the kid?” she asked, jerking a thumb at the boy.

“I don’t know,” Kairi said. “Axel called speaking gibberish and then came here and dumped the boy on me. Later everything went to hell.”

“So you know nothing.”

“Not a clue.”

“And he’s not some incestuous child, right?”

“He’s not my incestuous child. I don’t know about Axel.”

“Axel,” Yuffie said, slapping him on the ass. “We need some answers.”

“I don’t have any,” he moaned.

“Where’d you get the kid?” Yuffie asked, slapping him in the same place.

“Some chick dumped him on me and said he was mine.”

“Is he?” A third slap.

“Stop slapping my ass!” Axel yelled. “I don’t know, he could be. I slept with a lotta people before Roxas agreed to take up with me. I slept with even more when I was drunk… or high.”

“What do you think, babe?” Yuffie asked.

“He has his hair,” Kairi said thoughtfully. After a moment she realized that she still didn’t know what the name of the boy was. “Hey there,” she said, softly addressing the boy, “what’s your name?”

He stared at her dumbly, which wasn’t so surprising considering the fact no one had yet to pay any real attention to him. He looked around to see if there was anyone else she could have been talking to and when there was no one else, he pointed to himself. Kairi nodded smiling. This seemed to shock him even more.

“Re-Reno,” he said before shoving his thumb in his mouth.

“Reno. That’s a pretty name. How old are you, Reno?”

Three fingers wobbled up into the air.

“Three, huh?” Kairi shot Axel a dirty look. That would put conception around four years ago, which would make it very possible for Axel to be the father.

“So how about that explanation now?” Yuffie asked.

“Late last night I get a knock on the door,” Axel said. “When I open the door this… I don’t want to call her a bitch, but she was one, shoves the kid in my arms and said he was mine and she was sick of dealing with him. Then that brat started crying and she left without answering any of my questions.”

“Then you call me and try to dump him on us,” Kairi said, finishing the story. “Look, I’m all for helping you out of a jam, but we are not raising your kid.”

“I know that.”

“And what about Roxas? Doesn’t he need to know that he’s dating a daddy?”

“Roxas will never know.”

“A child isn’t a stolen cookie, you can’t keep him a secret, especially from your boyfriend.”

“Roxas will kill me!”

“Roxas? My sweet Roxas?”

“My Roxas, thank you very much,” Axel said. “I’ll have you know that he’s very different when it’s just the two of us.”

“Oh yeah, I bet he is. Does he run around the house in assless leather chaps carrying a bullwhip.” Axel gave her a funny look. Her laughter slowly died. “Does he really?”

“Not quite.”

“Guys,” Yuffie cut in, “the little wonder is making his escape.”

Both Kairi and Axel hopped to their feet and started looking for the toddler. Kairi caught sight of him entering the bedroom so she dashed after him. Reno was a quick critter though, so she only just caught him as he exited onto the balcony. He was small enough to slip through the bars. She firmly shut and locked the sliding glass door.

“Our house is not baby proof, Axel!”

“Nor is it supposed to be,” Yuffie said.

“At least you don’t have porn and beer lying everywhere,” Axel said. “Or cigarettes. Kid’s actually good at lifting them.”

Yuffie glanced at Kairi then hit Axel on the back of the head with a rolled up magazine. “Bad dad bad,” she said.

Axel said a few choice words that earned him a slap to the nose.

“Are you forgetting we have a three-year-old in the house or do you just not care?” Kairi asked.

“I care,” Axel said, rubbing his nose. “I just don’t think swearing is a problem. Poisonous toxins are though.”

“That’s why they call them poisonous,” Yuffie said. “Or maybe that’s why they’re called toxins. Kairi, which is the noun?”

Kairi ignored her girlfriend. “If you don’t think you can care for him you should give him to child services. Even if you think you can you may still want to check in with them. I doubt you have his birth certificate or his medical records. For all we know you may have been given a kidnapped child.”

“I doubt he’s kidnapped.”

“So do I, but that’s not the point.”

“I just don’t know what to do,” Axel said miserably. His phone rang. ‘Roxas’ he mouthed as he answered. “Hey Roxy—yes I know I’m not supposed to call you that and you know that’s your least embarrassing nickname… you’re right, I’m not. I’m at Kairi’s. She needed advice. In person… Hey, I give great advice, that flood was not my fault, I don’t even like water! Kay… pineapple or orange? You know you’d be sad if I did.”

He hung up grinning. “Girls,” he said, “I have to go. My true love awaits and I can’t disappoint.” Then he scampered off in an eerily similar fashion to the way he had described Reno’s mother leaving.

“I cannot believe he just did that,” Yuffie said.

“Believe it. Now help me baby-proof this place before we have a dead toddler on our hands.”

***

“So he just dumped him on you?” Sora asked.

“Yep.”

“Just left.”

“That’s what I said, Sora,” Kairi said, wishing her cell phone had a coiled cord she could play with. When she was a kid she always played with the phone cord while she talked and talking with Sora always made her fingers itch for something to do.

“Riku!” Sora shouted, forgetting, as usual, that when he was on the phone he was screaming into someone’s ear.

Kairi heard a muffled response.

“Kairi and Yuffie suddenly have a kid. Why won’t you even meet my eyes when I bring up the subject?”

“He isn’t mine,” Kairi said, but she was sure no one heard her.

Noises commonly related to a scuffle ensued. Kairi heard some cursing and a loud clattering noise before Riku came on the line. He was breathless.

“When did you get pregnant?” Riku asked.

“Why do you automatically assume that I was the pregnant one?”

“Yuffie just doesn’t seem like the life giving type. It also wouldn’t affect your professional life the way it would hers. I’d hate to see what a really bad wipeout would do to a fetus.”

“Well I’ve never been pregnant.”

“So Yuffie’s the pregnant one?”

“No.” No one is pregnant. The kid belongs to Axel. He left him with us, which is the only reason we have any child here.”

“Oh. Okay, I get that,” Riku said.

Sora made some sort of noise. Riku responded, but Kairi couldn’t hear what was said. As an off the phone conversation started Kairi saw Yuffie and Reno come in the front door. She waved and pointed at the phone to keep the new arrivals from starting another conversation.

“Riku. Riku, Yuffie and Reno just got back.”

“Is Reno the kid?”

“Yeah, he looks like a cute innocent Axel with short hair,” Kairi said. “I think he would look even cuter with goggles.”

“That so, eh? No, Sora… Kairi, I think I need to cut this conversation short. Sora seems to have forgotten basic biology and I need to give him a refresher course. Have fun playing house.”

Riku hung up before Kairi could give a witty reply.

“He hung up on me to have sex with Sora,” Kairi said.

“What a bitch,” Yuffie said.

“Yuffie! Not in front of Reno.” Over the past two days Kairi had found she could not bear to swear in front of Reno and that she hated it when Yuffie did.

“Hey, he doesn’t understand.”

“That’s not the point, Yuf.”

“Reno, why don’t you tell Kairi about the squirrels,” Yuffie said, trying to change the subject.

Reno eagerly climbed into Kairi’s lap. He had become open and lively over the last couple days. It was clear he loved living with the girls.

Kairi found herself unable to focus on Reno’s tale of the epic battle of Squirrel Park. She made attentive oohs and aahs whenever Reno paused and looked at her with his bright eyes, but she just could not keep track of the thirty different squirrels in his story.

“Wait a minute,” Kairi said, “I thought Bahamut and Shiva were married.”

“They were,” Reno said. “Until Cindy and Mindy performed a pincher attack on Shiva so that Sandy could marry Bahamut.” He demonstrated the pincher attack with his hands in an eerily similar fashion to Yuffie.

‘Good Ixion, he’s imprinting on us,’ she thought. ‘If we keep him I’m going to have two Yuffies on my hands.’

“Hey sport, you want to feed Yunie?” Yuffie asked.

Reno slid out of Kairi’s lap and ran into the kitchen. Yuna ran out after him as soon as she heard the dry food rattling. Even the bird had come to love him in a remarkably short time.

“Originally there were only six squirrels involved. Reno embellished the story a little.”

“I never would have guessed,” Kairi said dryly.

They listened as Reno almost sang to Yuna as he scooped food out for her. He liked to use a regular serving spoon because it lengthened the job.

“You know we have no legal grounds to keep him.”

“I know,” Yuffie said. “But I’m a better dad than Axel is.”

“Shockingly yes. We still need to make Axel take him back though. I hate to leave him in Axel’s hands, but it would be nearly impossibly for me to take care of him once you’re on tour and I’m back in school?”

“Nannies?” Yuffie suggested.

Kairi shook her head. “If I’m raising a kid I want to do it right. That’s why I want to actually raise the kid and not outsource the job. We simply are not in a position to care for an illegally obtained child. Even if he is pretty damn cute.”

“I guess we need to start operation Dalmatian.”

“Operation Dalmatian?”

“Well yeah, as in one hundred and one. Pongo and Perdita have to reunite with their puppies. It’s the same deal here.”

“Yuffie, you watch too much Disney.”

***

“Kairi, it’s great to see you,” Roxas said, hugging Kairi.

“You make it sound like I haven’t seen you in months.”

“Well it does seem like it. Oh hey, did you hear that IHO is in town next week?”

“Yeah, it sounds like the play is finally complete. You want to go?”

“I think it could be a lot of fun and I certainly wouldn’t have mentioned it if I didn’t want to go with you.”

“Please sit,” Kairi said, gesturing to the couch. “I’m not certain when Axel will get here, but I thought we could do musical romances in honor of your first time.”

“You certain you don’t mind me butting in on cousin time?” Roxas asked.

“Don’t sweat it,” Kairi said, waving her hand. She sat down next to Roxas on the couch. “Yuffie crashed a couple of times and it hasn’t bothered Axel or me, so why should you be any different?”

“I guess you’re right,” Roxas said, suddenly smiling. “I’m the first one here? We seem to be starting earlier than I expected.”

“Yuf and I decided to start earlier this time since it’s more of a family night. She’s off getting pizza right now and hopefully Axel will turn up any minute.”

As if on cue there was a knock at the door. Kairi got up and answered it.

“I’ve got ice cream and gummi worms,” Axel said as soon as the door was open.

“What kind of ice cream did you get?” Roxas asked.

Axel’s eyes widened to a comical proportion when he heard his lover’s voice. “Please tell me that was a recording,” he hissed.

“Why Axel, I thought you’d want Roxas here since you don’t like it when the estrogen outnumbers you,” Kairi said.

“Is there a problem with me being here?” Roxas asked.

“Of course not,” Axel said. “Babe, I always love having you around. Kairi, can you help me put the food away?”

Kairi had been expecting that. “Sure.”

As soon as they were in the kitchen Axel glared at her. “Why is he here?” he snapped. 

“I didn’t want him to feel left out.”

“Bullshit. Total bullshit. You brought him here to rat me out.”

Kairi just smiled. “If I wanted to do that I could have just made two phone calls. Then your life would be living hell.”

“Where’s the kid?”

“Out with Yuffie.” When she saw Axel relaxing as if he had dodged a bullet she added, “but they should be back soon. This is family night after all.”

“You can’t bring him back here.”

“How can she not bring him back here when you put him in our care? Besides, are you really going to deprive your son the chance to watch a movie with his father?”

“Will you stop saying the words ‘father’ and ‘son’ already?”

“Will you grow up and take responsibility?”

“Guys, is it alright if we start with _The Sound of Music_?” Roxas asked from the couch. “And do you need help?”

“We’re fine,” Kairi said. “Pick what you want.”

Axel looked like he wanted to keep arguing, but Kairi just smiled at him as she went back to the living room. She sat next to Roxas in the center of the couch. With a groan Axel took Roxas’ other side.

Just as the last preview ended Yuffie and Reno came in through the front door. She held several large pizza boxes.

“We aren’t late, are we?” Yuffie asked.

“Pizza!” Reno shouted.

Yuna dashed up to the pair warking excitedly. Reno threw his arms around the bird and buried his nose in her feathers. Maternal instinct kicked in and Yuna started preening Reno.

Kairi smirked. The plan was working. As soon as Roxas laid eyes on Reno he forgot all about his favorite singing nun. Clearly Yuna wasn’t the only maternal one.

Axel was acting in a particularly non-maternal fashion. It wasn’t even a particularly paternal fashion either; or rather he was behaving like that certain breed of gentlemen commonly referred to as “deadbeat.” The fact that Roxas didn’t notice Axel’s sudden pallor or the fact that he was trying to flee the couch without appearing to do so spoke volumes about their characters.

“Is he?” Roxas started to ask, but he was uncertain on how to phrase it.

“I’m watching him for a relative,” Kairi explained, glancing at Axel. He didn’t meet her eyes. “But I don’t think we’ll have him for much longer.”

Reno ran over to Kairi while carrying Yuna. The chocobo didn’t like being jostled about, but she accepted the treatment with dignity. He held her up to Kairi and she carefully accepted the bird. Yuffie set the pizza on the new coffee table and sat down next to Kairi. That was the last open spot on the couch.

“Where do I sit?” Reno asked.

Kairi passed Yuna to Yuffie then patted her lap. He grabbed her knee and attempted to pull himself up. He struggled for a while before Kairi picked him up and set him in her lap. Roxas ruffled Reno’s hair.

“What are we watching?” Reno asked.

“ _The Sound of Music_ ,” Roxas said. “It’s a wonderful movie.”

Reno was surprisingly well behaved considering the fact he shared Yuffie’s opinions on musicals. He paid attention to the musical and, with some prompting from Roxas, even sang along. Somewhere between the dinner party and the escape from the Nazis, Reno migrated to Roxas’ lap. By the end of the second movie (which was _Singing in the Rain_ , chosen by Axel) Reno was fast asleep.

“We probably shouldn’t start another one,” Roxas said, regret filling his voice. He was gently running his fingers through Reno’s hair. “I just don’t want to wake him when he’s sleeping so sweetly.”

“He’s like a battery,” Yuffie said, “goes full tilt until he suddenly passes out. Most kids his age are like that.”

“You make it sound like you outgrew that stage,” Kairi said.

“I did,” Yuffie smirked. “Now I never pass out.”

Kairi rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help smiling. Roxas suppressed a giggle.

“Where’s your rich wit in all of this?” Yuffie asked Axel, somehow managing to stretch a toe far enough to poke him in the forehead without getting up or waking the toddler.

“There isn’t much to say,” Axel said. “I’m just chilling with my Roxy. Life is good and I don’t want to rock the boat.”

“Axel,” Roxas said, “Kairi said Reno belonged to a relative. Do you know who?”  
“Well… he belongs to some cousin or another of Kairi’s,” Axel said, trying to sound vague. “I don’t know much about him. This is only the second time we’ve met and he didn’t even look at me tonight.”

Roxas’ eyes narrowed and his grip on Reno tightened slightly. “What aren’t you telling me, Axel? You know your lies just get you into deeper shit.”

“Language,” Kairi said out of reflex.

“I’m not lying,” Axel said, laughing a little. “Honest, Roxy, I’d never lie to you.”

“You’re right,” Roxas said. “You haven’t told any lies. However, you’re lying by omission right this moment and I take offense.”

“Roxas I—“

“Spit it out now or your punishment will be five times worse.”

Kairi watched this exchange avidly. She had never seen this could commanding side of Roxas. It was like he had suddenly focused all of his attention into a single beam of concentrated ire Axel was caught in his thrall. For the first time Kairi understood why Axel would occasionally refer to her pacifistic, literature lover as the Avenging Angel of Fury.

“Reno doesn’t belong to just any old cousin of Kairi’s,” Axel said. “I mean, neither one of us really has enough cousins to sling around terms like ‘any old cousin,’ which is odd when you consider how many uncles and aunts we have. I’d have thought more of them would have had unprotected sex at some point in their lifetim—“

“Get on with it, Axel.”

“I swear to Shiva this is only the second time I’ve ever met him. The only other time was when I gave him to Kairi and I didn’t even know his name, so it’s not like I had properly met him then and—“

“You gave him to Kairi?”

“Yes,” Axel said meekly.

“Why did you have him?”

“His mum gave him to me?”

“Are you related to his mum?”

“I hope not,” Yuffie said. “That would make things really twisted.”

If it was possible Roxas’ gaze intensified. He snapped, “Say it. I want to hear you say it.”

“It was before we were together, Roxas. You know I would never cheat on you.”

“Say it.”

“It was a mistake! An honest mistake! A drunken mistake! If I could I’d take it back!”

Roxas slapped him. The red handprint began to form before the hand fully disconnected.

“Say it,” Roxas repeated.

Axel held his hands up in defeat. “He’s mine. I am Reno’s father.”

Roxas decked him.

For the second time in a week, Axel broke a coffee table with his back. He lay dazed and confused. He was uncertain about whether or not he’d get another punch to the face if he rose. Roxas had yet to get up from the couch as he still cradled Reno.

“You are the most despicable man I have ever met,” Roxas said, barely containing his rage. “It’s bad enough that you had a child from some intoxicated one night stand. It’s bad enough that you neglected said child for years because you didn’t bother to check if any of your pieces passed go. These can be excused on the grounds of ignorance. But I cannot excuse the fact that you refused to take responsibility for your child after you met him! You can’t throw away kids!”

“I-I gave him to Kairi because I didn’t know what to do.”

“Yeah, that was real manly of you, Axel, shoving off family onto other family.”

“If I had a kid, I know you’d leave me!”

“And you were never a kid who had been left!”

No one could say anything after that. Axel looked like he had been socked in the gut. Roxas was trying not to cry. Kari was speechless and Yuffie was pretending she and Yunie were at the vet.

“Don’t fight,” Reno said, startling everyone. “I’m always in the way. Mommy doesn’t like me. Mommy’s boyfriends don’t like me. Nobody likes me.”

“Kid,” Axel said hoarsely. “I’m sorry. I’m a shitty dad.”

Reno just nodded and looked down.

“But I can try and be better,” Axel said. He dug around in his pockets and produced a lighter. “I’ve got a toy for you.”

“That’s a toy.”

“Sure it is. Lighters make the best toys.”

Reno took the lighter. He looked at it uncertainly, but didn’t drop it.

Roxas stood up. He shifted his live cargo, but refused to let go. “Kairi,” he said, “I’m sorry movie night is ending on such a foul note. I think it would be best if we took Reno with us.” Axel tried to grab Roxas’ sleeve, but he easily sidestepped the move.

“Will you be okay?” Kairi asked.

Roxas paused then nodded firmly. “We have a lot to discuss.”

“We?” Axel said hopefully.

“We,” Roxas repeated.

“Here’s all the stuff we got him,” Yuffie said, cheerfully shoving a massive over stuffed bag into Axel’s arms.

“I’m leaving?” Reno asked.

“And you’ll always be welcome here,” Yuffie said.

“For now you need to bond with your daddies,” Kairi said.

“Daddies?” Reno asked.

“Yup,” Yuffie said, “You’ve got two of em and one’s a real idiot.”

Axel threw her a dirty look, but went out the front door. Roxas with Reno followed suit. Kairi sat down and sighed.

“We lost our kid,” she said.

“We lost our coffee table,” Yuffie said. “Again.”

“We could always baby sit,” Kairi said

“We could always have sex.”

“What?”

Yuffie landed heavily on the couch beside Kairi. “Oh nothing,” she said, wrapping an arm around her girlfriend. She picked up the remote and turned the TV back on. “Is anything still salvageable?”

Kairi handed her the bag of gummi worms. “The whole night is salvageable. Operation Dalmatian was a success. We reunited father and son into a more happy family. Sure there was a bit of a fight, but the truth is out in the open now and I think Roxas and Axel will be closer for it. Now flip to the Syfy channel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was unfairly awful to Axel in this story and should probably try to fix that. Just noticing that a lot in this chapter.


	22. Confronting the Ghosts of Our Fathers

Yuffie was under attack by a horde of ninjas. They were from a rival family on a mission to kill the sole heir to the Kisaragi line. There was no way she was going down without a fight and frankly, she planned to kill all the ninjas before they could even give her a scratch.

She broke the first ninja’s jaw with a roundhouse kick before performing a triple back flip to escape a handful of throwing stars. The ninja she landed in front of crumpled after she delivered several elbow blows to his solar plexus and poked his eyes. A third charged her with a sword.

Yuffie easily avoided the wildly swinging weapon with a barrel roll. However, this was clearly the master ninja of the group, because she—it was a she ninja—spun on her heel and charged at Yuffie again. Yuffie was thankful she had always kept up in her training. She was able to bend and twist like a reed so that the point of the katana kept missing her. Still, it troubled Yuffie that she was slowly being pushed back by this other ninja. She needed a weapon.

She spied two lesser ninjas preparing to throw poisoned darts at her. The ninja planned to corner her and the dispatch her. This wouldn’t do! The Great Ninja Yuffie, pride of the Kisaragi clan, thief extraordinaire, could not meet her demise here.

Unexpected moves were always her most effective, so Yuffie charged the mistress using a hand-sword blocking technique on her katana, then tackled the ninja with the tachi on his back.

In one smooth movement, Yuffie pulled out the sword and sliced off the other ninja’s head. She stomped on the final crony’s face and finally turned to the master ninja.

A look of understanding passed between the two warriors. Then, the women charged each other. Swords clanged together in a rapid flashing of light. They stood close together like wolves bearing their teeth, neither backing down.

Then suddenly Yuffie was falling. Her side was bleeding and she seemed to be falling down a dark cliff. The master ninja sneered at her, as if she had already won the fight; as if she was actually the better ninja. As anger swelled in her chest, Yuffie swore she’d survive and kill that bitch even if she killed herself in the process.

Yuffie hit the wooden floor of her bedroom.

She flailed wildly, eyes darting everywhere. Then suddenly, she found her vision blocked by the dark outline of Kairi standing over her. Kairi was in a state of half undress, trying to button on her blouse correctly and failing several times. She just shook her head and stepped over her startled girlfriend.

“Oh Yuffie,” she said, “If you’re going to keep falling out of bed, you should build some pillow barriers. You’re going to hurt yourself one of these days.” She picked up two pairs of shoes and said, “Which one should I wear today?”

“The ones on the left,” Yuffie said. “I think I fall out of bed all the time because I grew up sleeping on a futon.”

“Thanks babe,” Kairi said. She leaned down and kissed Yuffie lightly on the lips. “I need to put on some lipstick and get out of here.”

“Where are you going?”

“Orientation,” Kairi said lightly, putting on some earrings. “The dean of Twilight Law School is giving a speech and as a first year law student, I’m expected to attend.”

“When did you get into law school?” Yuffie squawked, sitting up.

Kairi paused what she was doing and stared at Yuffie. “I got in this spring. We had a party and everything. Last fall I took the LSAT and that’s why I couldn’t go to the Pride Lands with you.”

“But… when did you finish your BA?”

“A month ago. I graduated while you were in the middle of the three-day Atlantis surfing competition. My mom and dad flew in for it. We have my graduation photos on the mantle.” She pointed at the wall. There was a framed degree on the wall. “That’s my degree.”

Yuffie stared at the degree for a minute. This was a really big blunder on her part. “Please don’t leave me because I don’t pay enough attention and my memory sucks.”

Kairi’s face broke into a smile and she laughed. “If I was going to leave you because of that, I would have left you years ago.”

She kissed her again. “Now I gotta go, Yuf. Get some sleep. Try not to crush the bird.”

She walked out of the bedroom. A few minutes later Yuffie heard the front door open and shut. After a moment Yuffie stood up and crawled back into bed. Taking her girlfriend’s advice, she built two protective barriers before falling asleep again.

***

“So how is law school treating Kairi?” Paine asked.

Yuffie winced, causing Paine to pull back on her swing. She recovered quickly though and managed to catch the next blow with her own sword. They stabbed and parried for a minute before Yuffie answered.

“She’s really busy. I mean, unlike the summer, she’s now a full time student and she’s working almost all the time. In the last week I’ve seen her maybe twice.”

“First year law school is always the hardest.”

“That’s just it,” Yuffie said, swing hard, “I didn’t even realize she had finished her undergraduate degree or that she had gotten into law school.”

“You need to pay more attention.”

“I know, I know, but it’s just so sudden. One day she’s prepping for college, and the next she’s in law school, it was just bam! I mean, bam!”

“I get it, let’s not flog a dead horse,” Paine said, “You feel like you lost a chunk of time.”

“I just miss her so much, but we’re still in the same house, sharing the same bed. Am I just making a mountain out of a molehill?”

“Probably. Give her some more time, Yuf. You two will find a way to make it work. Somehow,” Paine said. “Now what I really want to know is how you got those bruises.”

“It’s sort of silly… I keep falling out of bed. Seriously, now that Kairi has to get up at some ungodly hour every day I fall out of bed at least twice a morning! I’m thinking about getting a futon and moving out to the living room, at least during the work week.”

“Well, if you really think that’s your best option, go for it,” Paine said, jabbing sharply. “What will Kairi think?”

“That’s exactly what I’m worried about! Will she think I’m trying to distance myself from her?” Yuffie asked, slapping Paine’s hand with the flat of her sword. “Cut your fingers off.”

Paine smirked and tauntingly wiggled said ‘cut’ fingers. She hopped back and both fighters retook their positions.

“Can you guys give it up already?” Rikku asked from her seat on the sidelines. “Yoga has been over for almost an hour.”

“You’re already done showering?” Yuffie asked in surprise.

“I don’t take that long at the gym,” Rikku said hotly.

“We should probably stop now,” Paine said, leaning her sword against her shoulder. “I do have to run this gym sometime, you know.”

“Fine,” Yuffie said, lowering her weapon. “Thanks for letting me vent.”

“Anytime,” Paine said with a small half grin. “I love hearing about the very droll problems of a professional athlete. “

Yuffie stuck her tongue out at the other woman as she put her sword back in its case. She couldn’t just carry it around in a sheath because that was sort of illegal on the public streets. Yuffie had gotten an earful from Kairi the last time she did that.

“Hey,” Paine said, wagging her finger at Yuffie disapprovingly. “No flirting. You, my friend, are married.”

“No I’m not.”

“May as well be,” Rikku said. “Kairi’s got you totally whipped, so you are absolutely off the market.”

“I never said I was on the market! And I’m not whipped.”

“Sticking your tongue out like that is a tease.”

“That was an insult!”

“An insult.”

“Yeah, a minor insult,” Yuffie said. “Like ‘I bite my thumb at you.’ That’s Shakespeare.”

“I bite my thumb at you is a major insult, you idiot,” Paine said. “It’s the equivalent of a serious ‘fuck you’ and when a man actually did it in the beginning of _Romeo and Juliet_ it started a deadly duel.”

“’Fuck you,’ ‘go to hell,’ ‘bollix,’ they’re all minor insults,” Yuffie said, waving her hands dismissively. “You guys know I don’t really mean them.”

“Skank,” Rikku said.

“Bitch.”

“Slut.”

“See what I mean?” Yuffie said. “The words mean nothing.”

Paine shook her head. “I prefer the days when words actually meant something.” She shouldered her own sword case. “Well, I have to go make certain my personal trainers are actually training and not simply flirting. Ladies.” She strode past the girls and hopped up the stairs like she hadn’t just spent the last two hours sparring.

“She has amazing stamina,” Rikku said.

“It comes with the territory.”

“If she were a man I’d do her.”

“You’d do any man, Two-K.”

“Not true.”

“Almost any man.”

Rikku just glared at her best friend.

“Sorry.”

“Thank you.”

“I need to get going and put this away,” Yuffie said, hefting her sword case. “Eugh. This basement smells like highly perfumed feet. That’s worse than the smell of just feet.”

Yuffie showered and dressed quickly. She joined Rikku and the girls hopped onto the trolley system. They rode around for a while, trying to decide their next move.

Eventually they ended up at the park. It had been far too long since Rikku had gone to a park, and since it was a nice sunny afternoon, it seemed like the logical place to go.

This particular park was Twilight’s biggest park. Sunset park was located in Sunset Terrace, the nicest neighborhood of Twilight Town, and covered two city blocks. There was a nice playground at one end of the park by a grassy pitch and a mid-sized hill at the other end overlooking the train tracks. In the center of the park was a small pond with half submerged rocks in it. Some trees were scattered through the park too.

“Soak up that sunlight,” Yuffie said, stretching. “All that vitamin D is good for you.”

“And all that UV light is terrible for your skin,” Rikku said.

“Stop spoiling nature,” Yuffie said. “It smells beautiful today.” She twirled around a few paces ahead of Rikku on the walk.

Her sword case, which was properly locked and strapped to her back as required by law, suddenly ran into something solid and stopped. Yuffie, as a body in motion, now had a sword that had become an unmovable object. These two forces came together when the strap of the sword case used up the last of its slack. And, the same as whenever these forces collide, disaster struck.

Yuffie was jerked back by the strap so quickly that her arms and legs flailed before her in a comical fashion similar to a contestant being yanked off stage by a large hook in the old cartoons. When she hit the sword case she kept falling backwards onto the ground.

Actually, she didn’t hit the ground, she landed on a softer lump instead. Yuffie sat there for a moment, stunned, and was then pushed off the lump. The lump turned out to be a person.

Now she was able to get a look at the person she had just toppled. He was an older man in a red coat. Yuffie winced when she noticed she had broken his sunglasses with her reckless behavior.

She stood up quickly, mumbling apologies, and offered him her hand. He ignored it, instead rising to his feet under his own locomotion. He took his time dusting himself off without looking at Yuffie. Only after he picked up his cracked sunglasses did the man turn to look at the ninja.

Yuffie felt annoyed that the man completely ignored her, but she bit the inside of her cheek and reminded herself to keep calm. This mess was her fault. “I’m very sorry sir,” she said, tightening her grip on the strap of her sword case and bowing slightly.

The man slipped his sunglasses back onto his nose. This drew Yuffie’s attention to the scar across his right eye. She couldn’t be completely certain, but Yuffie was willing to bet it was caused by a blade.

“The young should respect their elders,” he said gruffly.

“Yes sir. And that’s why I’m apologizing, sir.” She had a sneaky feeling that he was actually referring to her staring too long, not for causing the fall.

“As a swordsmen, do you really want such frivolous actions in your story?” he asked. He had obviously noticed her sword case.

Yuffie’s eyes narrowed. “I walk through life with no regrets. If I err, I correct my mistakes and I repent, but I never regret. That is how I live my story.”

“And yet your erroneous actions have blundered their way into my story.”

“You refuse to accept my apology.”

“If the cow refuses grass, then the calf cannot receive any milk. I refuse to accept your bushido. Your character is not that of a true warrior.”

“You have insulted my family’s honor,” Yuffie said. Internally, she was bristling and ready to tear his good eye out. No one insulted her right to be a warrior. She had earned her title through merit alone. “I see no peaceful solution to this dispute.”

“I do not feel you have the skill or maturity to carry a sword.”

“I refuse to fight an unarmed man.”

“We will meet here in three days time. Dawn.”

Yuffie nodded. “At the pond.”

The man nodded once then turned and walked away. Yuffie watched him intently until he was finally out of sight. He had an odd gait; his arms did not swing quite the same way as a normal person’s walk. Only after he was gone did she relax.

“I can’t believe you just challenged a man to a duel,” Rikku said. “Are you insane?”

No,” I just challenged a crippled man to a duel,” Yuffie said, frowning. “He can’t use his left arm very well; he favors it.”

“Kairi is going to kill you.”

‘I hope I don’t kill him,’ Yuffie thought worriedly. ‘There is no way this is going to be a fair fight, much less an honorable one. Damn it, this is not cool!’

***

“Ouch,” Yuffie hissed. She had just managed to stub her toe after crawling out of bed in the pre dawn-light, or rather lack thereof. She hopped in the vague direction of her dresser until she banged her knee into a piece of furniture. It was probably the dresser she had been looking for. “Damn it!”

“Yuffie?” Kairi asked, sleepily.

“Go back to sleep babe, I just stubbed my toe.”

“What are you doing?”

“Going to the can,” Yuffie lied. She pulled open a dresser drawer and felt around in it for the right piece of clothing. “Just go back to sleep.”

“Turn on a light,” Kairi mumbled. “It will make navigation easier.”

“You’re right as usual,” Yuffie said, hobbling back to bed. She switched on the lamp sitting on her nightstand. Then she crawled back into bed to kiss her girlfriend on the forehead. “Love you.”

“Of course you do,” Kairi mumbled, already falling back asleep.

Yuffie grinned at the response, then she quietly crept out of bed and slunk out of the room. She dressed in a black kimono that allowed free movement with no noise. Then she tied her katana and her wakizashi to her waist. She never fought with two swords, but it didn’t make sense to go into a battle without a backup weapon.

Normally Yuffie would take a trolley to Sunset Park, but today was special. A trolley ride would put her back to sleep when she was in this condition. Besides, she needed to stretch and warm up. So Yuffie decided to do the only logical thing, she went to Sunset by rooftop.

It was exhilarating for Yuffie to leap from rooftop to rooftop. She had the adrenaline pumping through her veins before the duel had even started. She had always noticed that the buildings were built close together, which was terrible in case of an earthquake, but perfect for a ninja. Depending on the trolley schedule Yuffie never had to touch the ground.

She rarely traveled by rooftop because Kairi strongly disapproved, but this was a special case. She needed to be at peak form with her ninjitsu skills and the last time she had been at that peak was at home. This mode of travel made her feel like she was still at home and she was able to tap into her old skill.

She dropped down onto a rock at the edge of the pond just as the sun peaked out from behind the horizon. She looked around for a moment before spotting a shape at the other end of the pond. She stared at it until her eyes adjusted to the sudden influx of light. It was the older gentlemen, sitting completely still in a meditative pose. He was dressed the same as she had last seen him. Yuffie wondered if he had even bothered changing clothes.

He must have realized that Yuffie arrived because the he slowly stood up, and produced a massive katana of claymore proportions seemingly out of nowhere. He rested the huge weapon against his back.

Yuffie swallowed. However weak his left arm was, the right one more than made up for it. Considering how smoothly he moved that blade, his good arm had the strength of three men.

“I am pleasantly surprised to see you here,” he said. “You have more honor than I initially gave you credit.”

“Yuffie Kisaragi,” Yuffie said, standing up and drawing her sword. By bushido code was customary to give your name before you killed someone.

“Auron,” he said. Apparently ‘Auron’ was all the name he identified with, which meant he had give up his family line. He held the sword up in a battle position. “This ends now.”

Auron leapt onto the first rock at his end of the pond and begin hopping from rock to rock toward the ninja. Yuffie was surprised at his speed and agility, but she too began moving forward in the same manner.

They first crossed blades at roughly the center of the pond. Yuffie threw several blows, which Auron deftly blocked. She moved with the idea that if she could strike quickly and often enough he wouldn’t be able to hit her and eventually she would get through his armor.

Auron shoved Yuffie’s blade away. She lost her balance and frantically leapt to another stone to avoid falling in the water. She was lucky she had moved because Auron’s downward swing cleaved the rock she had been standing on in two.

‘I cannot get hit by that,’ Yuffie thought, leaping back a few rocks. ‘That’s a sure kill.’

She needed a new plan. One where she could hit without being hit and could get herself a down sooner rather than later, preferably. She needed to knock him out cold and steal his wallet.

An unpleasant thought hit her as she circled the edge of the pond. ‘Is this duel a fight to the death?’ she wondered. ‘He has killing intent and experience, but I’ve never been in a duel that’s gone beyond first blood before. He’s going to murder—no not murder, this is a duel—kill me because I’ve never been in a fight to the death.’

She tightened her grip on her sword. She refused to die due to a lack of experience. So what if he was a great samurai? So what if he planned on killing her? She had ninjitsu and if he knew all her tricks, she could make news ones on the fly.

This time she hurled a handful of throwing stars at him before charging. He knocked them away with the hilt of his blade and raised it, ready to strike as soon as she near enough. She paused when there was only one more stone before she entered his range.

Yuffie smirked at Auron then leapt forward. Auron began his downward swing, but he only struck air fore Yuffie had dived for the water, not the rock. This unexpected move gave her more maneuverability.

Underwater, Yuffie had the protection of dim visibility and light refraction. True, these disadvantages not only applied to Auron, but Yuffie knew how to correct for them. This gave her more time to finish creating her plan.

She swam around Auron’s rock until she was out of air. At that moment she surged up and striking out blindly. Her blade struck true and the scent of copper filled the air. She had lodged her katana in his thigh all the way to the bone.

“Enough,” Auron said.

As she pulled back to resubmerdge herself Auron struck back. His aim was off due to the angle so he didn’t cut any flesh, but he shattered the katana. Yuffie’s arms felt like they suffered the same fate.

She fell back into the water and used her feet to kick off from the stone. With this extra push she cleared the danger zone before Auron drove his sword into her breast. She swam halfway across the pond before resurfacing again, this time gasping for breath. She had to have at least a moment before Auron arrived; swimming was faster than jumping from rock to rock.

“Farewell.”

Yuffie looked up quickly to see the dreaded blade already slicing down on her. The edge sparkled in the morning light, declaring that it was sharp enough to cut her in two. She grasped her wakizashi and tried to raise it for some minute protection, but the katana was already hitting her forehead before the wakizashi cleared its sheath.

The katana slid right through her like a knife through soft butter. It left a cold that radiated outward. Yuffie looked down as she fell back into the water, but could not determine where she had been cut.

‘He was so quick my body must not realize I’m dead yet,’ Yuffie thought stifling a laugh. She looked up at him, but couldn’t make him out as her vision was already going white.

“Passable.”

Yuffie could have sworn she heard Kairi screaming her name.

***

“She could wake up at any time,” were the first words Yuffie heard.

She opened her eyes, just little slits because the room was bright, and looked around. She was in the hospital. Again. Kairi and Rikku sat in two chairs by the bed.

“Or she could be like that for years,” Kairi continued. “We just have to wait and see. I left a message for her father—he’s off on a training mission in the mountains or something—so he should come eventually. Why the hell did you let her do this?”

“I didn’t think she’d end up in an actual duel,” Rikku said. “You know how Yuffie is. But on the safe side I woke up early and called her cell, thinking she’s be asleep in bed having forgotten about everything. Instead I got you, realized she actually had gone off to fight, and that’s when we both ran off to the park to try and stop her. Lucky we got there when we did.”

“We should have gotten there sooner.”

Yuffie thought she had best make some awakening noises before they started planning her eulogies. She moaned, rolled over and stretched, immediately regretting those actions. Her sides throbbed the same way as when Seifer beat her to a pulp two years ago.

“Yuffie?” Kairi said, leaping to her feet. She touched Yuffie’s forehead. “You awake?”

“My sides hurt,” Yuffie said. She smiled at Kairi. “You look good though.”

Her hand dropped to Yuffie’s cheek. “I’m sorry. The ribs are my fault. I broke a few giving you CPR before the paramedics arrived.”

“When did you learn CPR?”

“I grew up on a tropical island and the number one danger in my girlfriend’s career is drowning. Of course I know CPR.”

“That’s good to know. Any way to get any pain meds?”

“A nurse should be by soon,” Kairi said. “Yuffie, why did you challenge a stranger to a duel?”

“He insulted my family honor! I had to fight him.”

“And honor is more important than your life?”

“By traditional standards, yeah,” Yuffie said thoughtfully. “My great grandfather died in an honor duel. It was one of the last legal duel deaths in this country.”

“I feel so much better knowing your death would have been illegal.” 

“Don’t be like that babe.”

“Don’t be like what?”

“Let’s not fight until after I got out of the hospital,” Yuffie said, sitting up and again immediately regretting the action. It hurt to simply breathe, much less sit up.

Kairi pursed her lips. She hit the ‘call nurse’ button.

“How long have I been in here for anyway?”

“A few hours,” Kairi said. “We found you unconscious in the pond. You were cold to the touch and weren’t breathing. I was so scared you wouldn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare even think of doing anything more physically strenuous than breathing for the next two months. You’ve broken your ribs before, Yuf, and that means it’ll take longer to heal.”

“I wish I could follow your request, but I think I need to pee. Can I get a little help?” Yuffie asked, again wishing she could move without her chest hurting. “I mean, I don’t think I’m hooked up to a catheter or anything, am I?”

“I think they were planning to put one in later today if you didn’t wake up. Come one, I’ll help.”

Kairi gently wrapped and arm around Yuffie’s back and helped her to her feet. She kept her arms on the upper back and away from the broken ribs. They shuffled into the bathroom. After she had relived herself and cleaned up she washed her hands. She glanced up at the mirror by reflex, then did a double take. 

“Why do I have a thin vertical bruise down the center of my face?” Yuffie asked, running her finger along the bruise. She noticed the bruise also went down her neck and into the hospital gown. She untied the gown and saw that the bruise continued all the way to the end of her torso.

“You have the same line all the way down your back too,” Kairi said, touching it lightly. “It’s the same thickness all the way down.”

“It doesn’t hurt,” Yuffie said, “but it’s purple and really noticeable.”

“How did you get this?” Kairi asked.

“I don’t know,” Yuffie said, but the hairs on the back of her neck were raised. She remembered the duel, the entire duel, and she remembered getting cut in half, which should be impossible because she was still alive. 

‘But this bruise is in the exact place where he cut me,’ she thought, rubbing the part of the bruise on her chest. ‘How is this possible?’

“Let’s put your gown back on,” Kairi said. She helped Yuffie get her arms back in and then tied the neck.

When they exited the bathroom, a nurse was talking to Rikku. Upon seeing Yuffie she hustled the girl back into bed before pumping the ninja full of painkillers. She stayed in bed for the rest of the day until the hospital determined that she was in decent enough shape to go home. Her assigned doctor insisted that she remain on bed-rest for the next few weeks and not take part in any physical activity until he cleared her.

When they got home Yuffie went right to bed. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow. She slept soundly until she rolled out of bed the next morning and hit the floor. Kairi came home over her lunch break with a futon. Yuffie felt more than a little silly sleeping in the living room the same way she used to do when she was a sick little kid.

A few days passed slowly. Yuffie continued to sleep most of the time. Leon and Rikku both visited a few times. Leon cleared her schedule for the next month and withdrew her name from any contests until December. Yuffie complained because she couldn’t compete in the Pride Lands’ Surfing Savanna Competition or see the lions. Leon just told her to stop injuring herself.

Then, just after her friends left Yuffie got a phone call. Luckily her phone was in reach, so she was able to answer it. With the exception of trips to the bathroom, Yuffie wasn’t going anywhere these days.

“Hello?” she said.

“Yuffie? Thank god,” Godo said. “I just got back this morning and received some garbled message about your death from Kytes. He was hysterical.”

“Oh god, I’m sorry Dad, someone should have called you,” Yuffie said. “I woke up. Yeah, for a little while I was in a coma, but I’m better now.”

“Are you hurt?”

“A few broken ribs, but otherwise I’m okay.”

“I had a vision about you while I was meditating. Our founding head told me that you were unworthy to lead our line.”

“Gee. Thanks, old man,” Yuffie said. “You call up all the Kisaragi family members to tell them they’re unfit to be the family head?”

“I wasn’t done yet, brat,” Godo snapped. “If you ever listened to your elders for more than two seconds you would understand so much more about life. He said that you needed to be tested and that I should wait for his determination of your worth before disappearing. Three days ago I had another vision of him. He said you passed. So I came home and called you.”

“Were you taking anything while you were up there?”

“Shut your mouth brat, my visions are real! When are you coming home to take over the line?”

“When I turn into a dirty old man like you,” Yuffie snapped. “Who even is this family head you keep mentioning, anyway?”

“Blasphemy! If you were here with me in person I would tan your hide. How can you possibly forget your family history? How can you forget our great founding father? Sir. Auron, personal attendant to Lord Braska, noble warrior monk, samurai of the Bushido code, mentor to Lady Yuna, the woman who united all of Spira. He founded the Kisaragi line!”

“Sir Auron?” Yuffie asked, suddenly. The hairs on the back of her neck were now standing on end again. “Old guy? Gimp arm? Scar over the right eye? Ran around in a red coat?”

“He died at the age of thirty five, which was a respectable lifespan for a samurai six hundred years ago,” Godo said icily. “It was a well documented fact Auron lost the use of his left arm and right eye in the battle against Sin that cost Lord Braska his life. As for a coat there is no documented preference in clothing for Sir Auron. Why do you ask?”

“I had a duel three days ago that indirectly caused my ribs to be broken,” Yuffie said. “The duel was over a family insult, the man was an older looking guy with a scar over his right eye, a useless left arm, and a big red coat. He used a massive katana that was bigger than me. I got a good cut in and then he decimated me.”

“What happened?”

“That’s just it,” Yuffie said. “I don’t understand any of it. I was a hell of a lot faster than he was, but suddenly he was above me slicing down. Now, this is the really weird part… I… I could have sworn I was cut in two.”

“That isn’t possible. You would be dead.”

“Thing is, I now have this bruise along both my front and back in exactly the same place as I was cut.”

Godo was silent for several minutes. Yuffie could hear him breathing. Normally she would yell at him for getting senile on her, but this was different. She had just told him she had experienced the impossible and he had told her that they had an ancestor looking in on them. Most of the time Yuffie liked to scoff at the supernatural, but at least part of her believed in it. Ancestral spirits were real, except you didn’t normally interact with them in such a direct fashion.

“The last female head lived over a century ago,” Godo said. “Times have changed drastically over the years and traditional values may not be as well-valued now. I believe Sir Auron came back to test you. And whatever else may have happened, you passed.”

“But I lost!”

“You crossed swords with a legendary samurai; the very best of our line. The fact you actually managed to cross swords with him, much less cut him speaks to your abilities! Especially when you have done little to train your mind in the last several years.”

“How can I possibly tell if I didn’t just make it all up?” 

“Look around your possessions. He should have left you something.”

“He shattered my sword,” Yuffie offered. 

“No, it would have been something more ethereal. Sir Auron was a great man and you would do well to remember it.” Then Godo hung up.

Yuffie slowly shut her phone. She sat there a while numbly. Nothing made sense, but she could not shake this eerie feeling that she had had contact with the dead. Suddenly, a thought slithered across her mind as if someone had just whispered in her ear.

She stumbled to her feet and limped back into the bedroom. Once inside she made a beeline for her dresser and opened the top drawer. On top of her socks lay her wakizashi. It was the same one she hadn’t been able to use in the duel. She lifted it slowly, as if she expected something odd to happen. The sheath was still damp from its unexpected bath yesterday. She drew it slowly and stared.

The front side of the blade, which held the sword-maker’s crest, was the same, but the back was different. Instead of the virgin expanse of steel, several white scratches now appeared in the blade. After staring at the scratches for a while, Yuffie suddenly realized that it was the old kanji spelling of the word “pass.”

Yuffie just held the blade. She felt the blood drain from her face and all her hairs stood on end. She was completely spooked.

“Yuffie what are you do—oh god, you had better not be planning another duel,” Kairi said, almost running over to her girlfriend.

Yuffie slowly turned to look at her. “Look,” she said, holding up the wakizashi.

“Scratches?” Kairi said. “What’s the point?”

“This wasn’t there before,” Yuffie said, pointing at the word. “It says ‘pass.’”

“Okay,” Kairi said slowly. “And why should we care?”

“I didn’t write this,” Yuffie said. “In fact… I don’t think anyone wrote this.”

“So how did it get on the wakizashi?” Kairi asked. “What exactly happened?”

“I had a duel with a ghost,” Yuffie said slowly. A smile spread over her face. “And I passed.”


	23. Lightning Yields Quality Time

“Oh Ifrit, would you look at this?”

“Look at what?” Yuffie asked, turning. She had massive glasses hanging off her nose. They had to have been at least an inch thick and were covered with rhinestones. “I can’t see a thing.”

“Take those off,” Kairi said, pulling the glasses off her girlfriend. “You’ll ruin your eyes wearing someone else’s prescription.”

“But it’s just so weird! I can’t believe your mom wears them on a regular basis. Are you gonna mail them back to her?”

“No, she’s worried the postal service will lose or damage them and then she’ll be out a thousand dollars, which is why you’re not to play with them.”

“Will you put them on again? Pleeeeaaaassse.”

“No. You already have pictures.”

“But your eyes are shut in them!”

“Because I already have reading glasses and I don’t want to have to wear glasses full time.”

“Fine,” Yuffie said, crossing her arms and pouting. She stopped after a minute then looked at Kairi again. “What did you want to show me?”

“This,” Kairi said, tossing her monthly calendar at Yuffie. She flopped down on the bed. “I go back to school in a week and a half.”

“Sucks to be you,” Yuffie said, flipping through the pages. “I can see why you like getting calendars. You’ve got everything color-coded with sharpies and everything. How come the chocobo for November looks seasick?”

“Yuffie, please don’t make me go back to school,” Kairi whined, rolling onto her back. “If I go back I won’t be able to see you again for months, perhaps all year.”

“But you need to go back,” Yuffie said gently, brushing hair out of her girlfriend’s eyes. “Otherwise I’ll have a very sad girlfriend because she never graduated law school or got her law degree. That’s something you’ve wanted the entire time I’ve known you, so you’ll have to return and suffer through it.”

“But I don’t wanna!”

“We’ve still got a week of complete and utter free time left. I can totally drag you along to my next gig and we can spend the whole week together, which will be a good chunk of time.”

“What about work?”

“Call in sick or use some of your vacation time. The only days you weren’t at work during the holidays were the days the firm was shut down.”

“I would love to escape the snow and go back to the tropics for a week.”

“Perfect,” Yuffie said, grinning. She stood up and brushed her shorts off. “I’ll pack your bag.”

Kairi sat up quickly. “No you aren’t. The last time I let you do that you forgot all my underwear.”

“I didn’t forget,” Yuffie said defensively. “I just… chose not to pack them.”

“Believe me, you want to say that you forgot,” Kairi said. “Otherwise you’re saying that you purposely decided to refuse me panties for four days. And that isn’t cool.”

“You’re right. I forgot,” Yuffie said. “Shall we pack?”

“Let’s.”

After Kairi had packed her bag, she realized that she had no idea where Yuffie’s next competition occurred. She asked the surfer that question and got a silly grin in response.

“We’re off to Chile!” Yuffie said happily. “It’s a really quick two-day event and then we go on to Djose for four days for another, bigger event.”

“Chile and Djose? Isn’t Djose famous for having lightning strikes?” Kairi asked. “Doesn’t that mean it’s really dangerous to surf?”

“That’s part of the fun!” Yuffie said brightly. “Actually, for about a month each year, the skies clear and there’s no lightning. Instead, they get ten to twenty foot waves that are great for surfing.”

“You’re serious?” Kairi said. “I mean, I remember the fact you surfed in South America, but I didn’t know you went to the ‘capital of lightning strikes’ too.”

“Come on babe,” Yuffie said. “It’ll be a great experience.”

“It will be an experience.”

“I’ve surfed Djose six or seven seasons. Believe me, when I get the chance, I try to stay for the whole season. It’s very safe ‘cause we take precautions against electrocution. No one gets in the water when there are clouds in the sky.”

“Okay,” Kairi sighed. “When do we leave?”

***

Chile had been lovely, but shortly after they had arrived, Kairi had gotten food poisoning and so she had spent most of that stop curled up in bed wishing she was dead. Yuffie did well in the competition and spent most of her free time rubbing Kairi’s back. Rikku and Leon took some of their free time to go sightseeing. Kairi didn’t feel better until they boarded the boat to sail over to Djose.

Once in Djose, things seemed to get better. Kairi got over her food poisoning, Yuffie’s seasickness wasn’t too bad, and Leon was finally able to get away from all the girls. Kairi didn’t even realized Leon needed some alone time until he basically locked the girls in their hotel room with the luggage.

“What’s his problem?” Yuffie asked, inspecting a surfboard for scratches.

“Reeve started teething last week and Squallykins has been feeling like a deadbeat dad,” Rikku said, hefting several suitcases. “Will you grab her other board, Kairi?”

Kairi did as she was asked. “What exactly does Leon do for you, Yuffie? You usually just say ‘everything,’ but that doesn’t seem right.”

“Well, he does do everything,” Yuffie said. “I usually just call him my manager because the word ‘agent’ leaves a slimy taste in my mouth, but Squallykins does everything. He makes certain I’m entered in competitions and gets my name out to all the advertising people. He does my security, checks out my fan mail. He landed me that documentary—”

“The one you didn’t bother telling me about,” Kairi said.

“—That’s right, the one I didn’t tell you about,” Yuffie agreed. “He also takes care of my schedule and my taxes.”

“He posts your bail and finds lawyers to settle your legal problems,” Rikku added.

“Although Kairi’s the one who handles my bail now,” Yuffie said. “Oh, Squallykins has also gotten me into therapy to deal with my kleptomania.”

“It hasn’t helped,” Kairi said flatly. “You have terrible kleptomania.”

“You should have seen it before,” Yuffie said. “I remember one time we passed by a Christmas display, we were outside of the store, and it wasn’t until we got back to the hotel that Leon found out I had taken all the ornaments off the tree. That included the strings of popcorn and cranberries… that’s when he put me in therapy for six months. Basically Leon does everything for me so that all I have to worry about is surfing and winning. I’m a job and a half.”

“And what does Two-K do again?”

“She’s my posse.”

“I’m a posse of one,” Rikku said proudly.

“But what do you do?” Kairi asked. “I mean, you pay your bills somehow.”

“I… I don’t know,” Rikku said, frowning. “I think I’m just Yuffie’s posse these days.”

“I’m paying you to be my posse?” Yuffie asked. “That can’t be right. Weren’t you learning how to be an assistant for Squallykins at one point?”

“I was,” Rikku said, “Leon even got me books and explained things to me, but it was so boring that I lost interest. Business doesn’t excite me.”

“So what am I paying you for?”

“I don’t know! I’ll give it back! I never meant to cheat you, Yuf, I just…”

“I’m not asking for it back, I was just curious. Geeze, I’m not certain how much any of us make.”

“You don’t know how much money you earn?” Kairi asked.

Yuffie shook her head. “Squallykins takes care of that. And I trust him completely with my finances because he’s basically family and he’s noble like a lion. Like a female lion, because male lions just sit on their asses all day, while the lionesses go hunt food and take care of their babies. Leon’s totally a lioness.”

“So how much does Leon take away? The lion’s share?”

“I think he makes like fifteen percent of my total earnings,” Yuffie said, scratching her head. “We have a contract where he basically signed his soul over to me in exchange for a chunk of my earnings. I think he makes a decent amount and I’m just swimming in cash. That reminds me, Two-K, did Leon ever find out if I can swim around in my money like Uncle Scrooge does in those comics?”

“I think it was a big ‘no’ because you’d be crushed by all the coins,” Rikku said.

“That’s a shame.”

Kairi just shook her head. She could not believe they just had that conversation. Someone was getting taken for a ride in this relationship, but she couldn’t tell who.

Leon walked back into the hotel room, shutting his cell phone as he entered. “Yuffie, you need to get up by eight tomorrow so that you’ll be able to catch the first of the large waves. The weather forecast has it hitting at eight forty-two. Rikku, I expect you to make certain she’s up and moving by eight-ten.”

“Squallykins, what do we pay me for?” Rikku asked.

“For assisting me in taking care of Yuffie,” he said.

“So what is her official job position on our tax forms? Posse?” Yuffie asked.

“Babysitter is more like it,” Leon said. “Now what brought this up?”

“We were just talking, and we realized that Yuffie’s paying me to be her friend,” Rikku said, “and that isn’t right.”

Leon reached up and rubbed the area between his eyes.

“I mean, Yuffie’s my best friend and I can’t be eating her out of house and home just because I’m her friend,” Rikku said. “So I was wondering what I did, because I don’t think I do anything at all. Should I help you with the books again?”

“No!” Leon snapped, looking like he was going to have an aneurism for a moment. “You keep on doing what you’re doing, Rikku. Believe me, I’ve made certain you’re getting paid what you’re worth to this team.”

“But all I do is hang out with Yuffie,” Rikku said.

“You get her to and from her appointments after I get her to the right city. You’re the one who actually reads all the fan mail now and thanks to you, Rikku, it’s been two years since Yuffie’s come to me with any lesbian relationship problems.”

“I think that has more to do with Kairi than with Rikku,” Yuffie said.

“Probably,” Kairi said, nodding. “But Leon, I don’t understand why you don’t want help with the books.”

“The last time she helped, I nearly lost all of our documentation,” Leon said. “There are still six months worth of bills and files I can’t touch without rubber gloves because they give off sparks. Rikku and Yuffie do not belong anywhere near my paperwork.”

He picked up a newspaper, scanned the headlines, and rolled it up. Then Leon whacked each girl over the head with it. There was a chorus of yelps and feminine glares.

“Yuffie, stop worrying about my job and just concentrate on surfing,” Leon said. “Rikku, stay the hell away from my books and do what I tell you to. That’s what you’re getting paid to do, assisting me by dealing with Yuffie when I want to strangle her, which is almost all the time when she’s doing stupid things. And she’s always doing stupid things.”

“What did I get hit?” Kairi asked, rubbing the top of her head.

“For opening the can of worms,” Leon said. “Running Yuffie’s life, as you well know, is difficult enough without her getting notions that she needs to make things easier on the rest of us. The last time she tried to make my life easier, she blew up my car.”

“That was not my fault,” Yuffie said.

“You’re just lucky Aerith wasn’t in the car.”

“That is so true,” Yuffie agreed. 

There was a moment of silence where everyone in the room imagined Aerith being blasted away in a fireball. A shudder ran through the group and then the conversation picked up again.

“Does anyone have any legitimate complaints with the way things are?” Leon asked.

“Nope,” Rikku said.

Yuffie just shook her head.

“Can I see the original contract? Will you explain the way everything was set up when we get back home?” Kairi asked.

Leon nodded. “Let’s head out, and I’ll fill you in on the basics.”

“Sure,” Kairi said, following him out of the motel room.

Once out of the room, Kairi joined Leon at the hall railing overlooking the sea. Djose had a stark beauty to it. All along the sea were tall cliffs that collected lightning bolts like a frog snaps up flies. There were a few strips of beach, but most of the waves bashed themselves against the cliff face, trying to pummel it into submission. The beaches were where the competition would be held, but even there the surfers had to be careful, because the sand was riddled with glass from where lightning melted the sand.

“It would be for the best if someone else understood Yuffie’s financial situation,” Leon said. “I’m due for surgery to repair my small intestine from all the ulcers I’ve developed on the job over the years.”

“Oh God,” Kairi said, covering her mouth, “I had no idea.”

“Aerith and I have been planning the surgery for a while now. Everything will be fine,” Leon said. “Surgery is happening at the beginning of Yuffie’s off season, so most of my recovery will be over before I’m needed again. Then, a friend of mine will take care of Yuffie and her career until I’m better.”

“Have you told Yuffie yet?”

Leon shook his head. “Moment I tell her, she’ll make all the ulcers worse.”

“Leon, you’re a good friend to both of us,” Kairi said, “and we care a lot about you. Wouldn’t it be better if you just quit? Yuf would understand. We value your health over your abilities.”

“Sad part is that I actually like working with her. Yuffie’s hijinks always astound me so much that I find myself waiting to see what she does next. Aerith says that if the job makes me happy, I should continue rather than get a new one that I absolutely hate.”

“But your health.”

“Stress worsens the ulcers,” Leon said, “but the real cause is bacteria. Since the doctor put me on antibiotics and Aerith changed my diet, things have gotten better, but the preexisting damage is too great. That’s why I have surgery planned.”

“I still don’t understand why you’re telling me this,” Kairi said. “Yes, you’re worried that Yuffie will freak, but you’ve known her longer. You’re closer to her, and you work with her. I’m just a friend.”

“I’m hoping you’ll hold her down so that she doesn’t accidently kick me in the stomach when I tell her,” Leon said, failing to keep the corners of his lips from quirking upward. “I trust you and I value your opinions. Plus, as you said yourself, you have an interest in making certain Yuffie isn’t scammed.”

“Is that going to be a problem in the near future?” Kairi asked, frowning.

“My friend is an excellent agent and does her job wonderfully, but her husband… leaves much to be desired. Fascinating man to talk to, but he’s a thief and a con man and he wouldn’t be able to pass up the chance to try and swindle Yuffie, not because he particularly wants to, but because he knows he can.”

“Why are you referring these people to us?”

“Because Fran is the best manager you can find and, once you slap Balthier with a ruler and make him understand in no uncertain terms that he is not allowed anywhere near Yuffie’s finances, Fran’s husband is a damn good agent.”

“Oh,” Kairi said. “Maybe I should use a hammer instead.”

“Get your keyblade out. Thing may be covered with flowers, but at least you can still bludgeon him with it.”

***

“Kairi, are you certain you don’t want to get in the water?” Yuffie called, “These waves are amazing!”

Kairi looked up from her beach combing. Yuffie was grinning like a fool as she bobbed along on her tiny surfboard in the center of monstrous waves.

“I don’t do big-wave surfing and those waves look like they’re easily thirty feet tall,” Kairi yelled back.

“Coward!”

“Inexperienced!”

Before Yuffie could continue the name-calling a wave hit her, knocking her off the surfboard. Kairi wasn’t worried though. They had been there all morning and this was the third time a conversation of theirs had ended like this. Most of the other surfers that had been around when they arrived had crawled out of the surf by now. Kairi estimated she had another hour of beach combing before Yuffie came back to land for lunch.

Kairi turned to look for her other companions. Rikku was still sunbathing on her towel. Leon, on the other hand, had doused himself with sunscreen earlier and was sitting under a large umbrella reading a book. The dust jacket said that it was all about finance, but when Kairi peeked over Leon’s shoulder she saw it was actually The Wizard of Oz, with colored illustrations. Apparently he was rereading it so that he could use different voices when he read it to Reeve.

Since they were occupied, Kairi decided to continue her beach combing. She had been finding shards of glass molded by the lightning strikes. Some of the pieces were smooth, but others were sharp and rough. The glass was mostly clear, but some of it had flecks of color in them. Specks of sand were almost glued to the surface of some of the shards, but with a little work Kairi thought she could clean the glass pieces.

She had a vague plan of building a sand castle that afternoon using the glass shards as decoration. It had been far too long since Kairi last built a sand castle. The difference in sand quality and building material would reflect a welcome challenge from the soft, fine grains of sand back home. Kairi already had a vague sketch of her castle in mind. The plan might not go through, but she suspected that even if she didn’t get to construct it today, she could manage to build one tomorrow or even the day after that.

She managed to add a handful of shards to her new collection before there was a sudden tap on her shoulder. When she looked over that shoulder, she saw no one, so she looked over the other and saw Yuffie grinning at her.

“Ready for lunch?” she asked.

“Don’t you have another twenty minutes of wave-playing left to do?”

“But I’m hungry now.”

Kairi just stared at her.

“It’s a good reason,” Yuffie said defensively.

“It is. It’s just I’ve never heard you use it before. Usually you say that food is less important than surfing.”

“Well I don’t normally have a gorgeous woman to eat with,” Yuffie said teasingly. “So do you want to grab a bite?”

“I think I can manage that. Do you have any particular place in mind?”

“I think I do,” Yuffie said, wrapping an arm around Kairi’s waist.

They had a lovely lunch in a nearby bistro. It was local cuisine. Not the best food Kairi had ever tasted, but certainly good enough for a light meal. It helped that she was in good company. Yuffie had her laughing the entire time while she explained her last encounter with a group of surfer frat boys. Kairi’s favorite part of the story had to be when Yuffie led the addled schoolboys on a wild goose hunt that left them stranded on an island in just hula skirts.

The good mood soured, however, when they returned to the beach. The lockers Yuffie had stored her surfboards in had been ripped open and the boards were now gone. Yuffie thoroughly investigated the area around the lockers. She inspected the scratches on the metal and the tracks in the sand while Kairi observed. She even went so far as to taste the sand she extracted from the locking mechanism on the now-bent door.

She stood up and yelled, waving her fists in the air. After a minute, Yuffie quieted, stopped flailing, and brushed the sand off her shorts.

“Feeling better?” Kairi asked. She knew that the surfboards could be easily replaced, but Yuffie treasured her boards and this had to hurt.

“They stole from me, babe,” Yuffie said. “They stole from me.”

“It happens,” Kairi said. “We can file a local police report, but odds are they won’t find anything. We’ll probably have to replace your boards and just use better methods to protect them next time. At least they were insured.”

“You don’t steal from a master thief!” Yuffie bellowed, shaking her fist.

“You probably shouldn’t be shouting that,” Kairi said, reaching for Yuffie.

“I’m gonna hunt you bastards down and make you regret the day you tried to steal from the master thief Yuffie!”

Before Kairi could shut her up from spouting anymore silly and illegal things, Yuffie charged off along the beach, presumably on the trail of the surfboard stealers. After saying a few choice words of her own, Kairi followed suit. She had no idea where Yuffie was going, but the last half dozen times she had run off like this resulted in trouble, and Kairi didn’t want anymore of that.

She followed her off the beach and up into the cliffs. At some point, on the run Kairi could barely keep track of Yuffie because the surfer was so far ahead or the foliage was so thick. If nothing else, this little jaunt showed Kairi just how much of a difference there was between a professional athlete and a regular person. It also showed her she needed to spend a little less time studying and a little more time exercising this semester.

When she finally caught up with Yuffie, she found her examining a leafy tree. Some of the leaves had been torn, but that could easily have occurred from any sort of animal, or even the elements, so Kairi wasn’t sure what Yuffie found so interesting. She asked her if she had found anything of significance.

“I found a scrap of fabric on this branch,” Yuffie said. Using a pair of tweezers pulled seemingly out of nowhere she tried to extract it from the foliage. “Based on the degradation of the fabric’s edges, I’d say this has only been there for an hour at most.”

“How much do you even know about fabric degradation?”

Yuffie ignored the question. She removed the cloth and held it up triumphantly. “I bet if we kept on this path, we’ll find my boards in just a little bit. Let’s go Kairi!”

She grabbed Kairi by the wrist and pulled her along the path. Kairi had been calling it a path all this time, but as they traveled along it, the path had shrunk and lessened to the point that it was no more than a deer trail, which made it more and more difficult to walk along. She was beginning to trip and stumble, which finally made Yuffie slow down to a brisk walk.

Just when Kairi thought a brisk walk was too fast because of all the rocks, Yuffie gave a cry and let go of Kairi. She hurried forward and disappeared into a cave. Sighing, for what felt like the hundredth time on the chase, the redhead followed her girlfriend into the cave. She hoped to grab Yuffie before she went in too deep and got completely lost.

“No, bad Yuffie,” she said, pulling her girlfriend out of the cave by the scruff of her wetsuit. “You are not allowed to explore and get lost in that cave. If the boards in are there, I’m sorry, but you’ll have to blame me for your inability to recover them. You’re not a professional spelunker and I refuse to organize a search-and-rescues team to find you.”

“But—”

“No.”

“But—”

No.”

“But Kairi.”

Before Kairi could giver her third and final ‘no’ that would allow her to drag Yuffie back down the cliff, a bolt of lightning zapped the shrub right in front of the girls.

“Back in the cave now!” Kairi shouted, practically throwing them back into the cavern.

A moment later and the entire sky had gone black. It was raining lightning. Kairi supposed there might also be some water raining down, since lightning usually wasn’t this wet, but all she could hear were cracks of thunder and the lightning that almost constantly lit up the heavens did not illuminate any raindrops. Clearly Djose’s “dry” season decided to cut out early this year.

“I thought you said there was a month without lightning,” Kairi said. “An entire month. It’s been three days and now we have a fucking death storm over our heads!”

“You know, I thought the season had come a little early this year,” Yuffie said thoughtfully. “There’s usually another week or two before monsoon season starts. I guess it just goes to show that global warming is acting up.”

“There’s going to be at least a week of constant lightning before another break.”

“Could only be five days.”

“Yuffie, we’ll need water before then.”

“I think it’ll rain a little water in a bit. Based on the tilt of this floor I think at least some of this water will trickle in here.” A particularly bright flash of lightning lit the cave for a moment. “Babe,” Yuffie said. “Your eye is twitching again.”

“I’m going to kill you. I’m going to shove you out of this cave and off the cliff. You will hope the lightning gets you, because if it doesn’t, the waves or the rocks will!”

Yuffie started clapping vigorously. “That’s from one of those musicals you went to with Roxas, right? I think it was the one with the smugglers and the dancing shark. Should I try one now? I’m not very good at remembering monologues though.”

Kairi sat down against the side of the cave and shook her head. “Maybe I should be the one to go off the cliff,” she mumbled to herself.

“Don’t be like that,” Yuffie said, sliding down the rock wall to sit next to Kairi. She wrapped an arm around her girlfriend and leaned her head on her shoulder. “Look on the bright side, now we get to spend lots of quality time together.”

Despite the situation and the way it terrified her—impending doom usually had that effect on Kairi—she had to laugh at that. After a moment Yuffie joined her. Yuffie was right. If nothing else, they had a good chance to catch up.

***

“Shouldn’t quality time be qualitative, not quantitative?”

“It should and I think it’s been plenty qualitative,” Yuffie said, still cheerful.

By Kairi’s watch, it had been eighteen hours since they had been trapped in the cave. She had gotten a little sleep, but the thunder kept waking her up. Unless she became too exhausted to notice the noise, she didn’t think she’d be getting any sleep here.

“In what way has it been ‘plenty qualitative,’ Yuffie?” Kairi asked, rotating her shoulders. “I think I’ve developed a crick in my neck.”

“Let’s see… you’ve told me all about your classes for this semester and I told you about my competitions for the next two months,” Yuffie said. “Roll over and I’ll rub your neck.”

“I don’t really consider that to be qualitative, Yuf.”

“Eh, I’ve never been that deep of a thinker. How deep do you want our conversation to go? And I was serious about that rub.”

Kairi shrugged. “Neck crick aside, I’m pretty comfortable. Your lap makes a decent pillow.”

Yuffie laughed. “Well I should hope so.”

“I dunno, Yuf, I always got this sense when I was younger that you’re supposed to have this mystic connection with your partner. We’ve supposed to be able to talk for hours and just… connect.”

“We’ve connected lots of times!”

Kairi reached up and flicked her on the nose. “I wasn’t referring to that. I was talking about a connection on a more basic level.”

“Babe, you think too much,” Yuffie said. “You love me, right?”

“I think so.”

“Kairi…”

“I’m not certain what I’d do without you, okay? I mean, I certainly trust you and rely on you more than anyone else.”

“Even though you don’t think that’s wise.”

“You’re surprisingly reliable when you have to be, Yuffie. I like waking up beside you and I like falling asleep next to you.”

“And I love sleeping with you.”

“That too,” Kairi laughed. Through the flashes of light she could see Yuffie smiling, although she knew her girlfriend would be smiling even if she couldn’t see it. That smile made her want to continue. “I like running errands with you, even when they turn into crazy adventures. Especially when they turn into crazy adventures. And I love seeing your line of reasoning in action. I never know what bat crazy thing you’re going to decide is correct.”

“I’ll have you know I’ve never been bat crazy when I’ve decided anything. Llama crazy, yes, and I’ll even admit to being crazy like a fox at times, but never bat crazy.”

“Then we’ll just call you crazy, eh?” Kairi said, smiling again. “I like watching you move. You’re like some sort of feline and I can’t help but stare. I can’t stay mad at you, even when you do the stupidest things imaginable, like deciding to escape from a hospital when you still need it or explore a cave in a lightning infested area. I was serious about throwing you off the cliff earlier.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Me too, but I was so furious with you. I’ve accepted the fact that you do stupid things, but sometimes I forget that fact and just get this horrible urge to strangle you. I’d deeply regret it if I ever did actually hurt you.”

“Can we stop focusing on the stupid things I do? You’ve made your point.”

“Just wanted to make sure.”

“Got anything else to say on the subject?”

“I think that about covers it.”

“That sounds like love to me,” Yuffie said. “And that also sounds like a conversation chocked full of qualitative content.”

“Praising you is a substantive conversation, eh?”

“I think so.”

“You would.”

“I would and I totally do,” Yuffie said. She squeezed Kairi’s shoulders. “Since we’ve determined that you love me and I know that I totally love you, we can conclude that we both love each other, right?”

“That would be logical, yes.”

“Well, I think that’s a pretty damn good bond there,” Yuffie said. “Pop culture has built up this huge idea that there’s a one true love and only one soul mate out there for each person. Love at first sight. The ‘mystical bond’ you mentioned. Frankly, if each and everyone of us can find someone—or a group of someones—that we care about and they care about us, well, that’s a great achievement.”

“I guess it is.”

“Besides, mystical bonds are for the mystics,” Yuffie said wisely. “Now that I’ve told you the secret of life, what do you say to exploring this cave? I figure it’s either that or sex at this point.”

“I do not want to get lost in here.”

“Neither do I, which is why I’ll keep my hand on the cave wall. We’ll go slow and carefully check to make certain we aren’t stepping off a drop.”

“We don’t have any flashlights and I doubt that lightning will be that useful the deeper we go,” Kairi said.

“Spoilsport,” Yuffie said.

“I’m not a complete one,” Kairi said, starting to smile again. “Spelunking wasn’t the only activity you suggested.”

“You can’t be serious,” Yuffie gasped.

“I am.”

“But this is a cave. You hate caves.”

“I don’t hate caves.”

“Well, you hate sleeping on dirt or pebbles. You’ll be uncomfortable and I know you hate being uncomfortable.”

“I could probably withstand a little discomfort. Besides, it was your suggestion.”

“I didn’t think you’d actually go for it.”

“I’m trying to be a little more adventurous. You’re right in that I’ll probably regret this, but I’ll probably also regret if I don’t ever try new things. And what else are we supposed to do while Ixion is having a fiesta out there?”

“Well damn, I hope I haven’t talked you out of it,” Yuffie said. “You still interested?”

Kairi kissed her as a response.

 

***

Kairi woke up suddenly. It took her a moment to realize that it was the lack of noise that had woken her. She stood up and looked out of the cave. While still very cloudy, there was no lightning.

“Yuffie, get up,” she said, nudging her girlfriend with her foot. “Get dressed. We need to go. The lightning’s stopped.”

“Wa,” Yuffie grumbled, pulling her tongue back into her mouth. “My mouth tastes like slate.” She sat up and looked around. “The lightning’s stopped, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, which is why we need to go. We don’t know how long this break will be.” She checked her watch, forgetting that she had managed to damage the screen the other day and it no longer told time. 

Yuffie walked out of the cave and looked around. “I don’t think we’ve got much time.”

“Which is why we need to get to start making our way down,” Kairi said, joining her.

“It took us at least an hour to get up here and in our current condition it’ll take us twice as long to get down. Babe, we won’t make it down before the storm starts up again.”

“What other option do we have? Wait until someone finds us? We aren’t getting enough water licking it off the floor.”

“There is one option,” Yuffie said, looking over the edge of the cliff.

“No. No way in hell,” Kairi said. “We are not jumping off a cliff.”

“It’s the fastest way down and I’ve swam in that area before. There aren’t any rocks.”

“You can’t know that for certain. The bird’s eye view is completely different from looking at the area down there. The rockless spot might be twenty yards to the right and we’ll kill ourselves.”

“I know I’ve seen cliff divers jump from this spot,” Yuffie said. “We’ll be completely fine.”

“Those are professional cliff divers!” Kairi snapped. “They know the area well and they tell us not to try this at home!”

“Then it’s lucky we’re not at home,” Yuffie said cheerfully as she shoved Kairi off the cliff. Then she backed up, ran forward, and leapt off after her, feet first.

Kairi fell headfirst. She could see the water hurtling toward her at an alarming rate. She tried flailing her arms and legs about in the hopes that she might alter her course of falling, but the only position she felt she could get into was a belly flop—which she thought would be more painful—so she stayed diving headfirst. Since she didn’t want to actually hit headfirst, she stuck her arms out above her like a professional diver.

She slipped through the barrier between liquid and gas with barely a splash. Kairi wasn’t certain how far down she sunk, but when she finally resurfaced she was hit by a large wave caused by Yuffie entering the water. When she finished choking on the spray, she saw Yuffie smiling at her.

“Come on,” she said, grabbing Kairi’s arm. “Shore’s that way. We need to get moving, since we don’t want to be stuck out at sea when the storm starts up again.”

“Great,” Kairi said, “Water conducts electricity and now we’re in a sea of it with an impending electrical storm overhead!”

Kairi didn’t have any more time to complain because she knew Yuffie was right. She found herself using the crawl, one of the faster swimming styles she knew, which she hadn’t used in years. She preferred the backstroke or the breaststroke, swimming styles that allowed her more breathing time.

Despite its speed she felt herself slowing while the shore was still far away. Yuffie was also slowing. Kairi couldn’t tell if Yuffie was slowing because she was slowing or if Yuffie was also simply out of energy. Kairi suspected the later, but if it was the former she was grateful. It would be completely ironic if they drowned after spending roughly a day and a half avoiding being electrocuted.

‘Come on, Hart,’ she thought. ‘Forget about the lightning. If it hits, there’s nothing you can do about it, and worrying or trying to hurry is just wasting energy you can’t spare. Just focus on paddling.’

For once Kairi was able to take her own advice. She found the mantra ‘stroke, stroke, breath’ running through her head as she performed the actions. She was kicking at the same time, long full legged kicks, but after a while she couldn’t tell if she was still kicking because she was too focused on paddling with her arms. Yuffie was beside her doing the same, although Kairi thought she might be using a different stroke. Kairi couldn’t really pay attention. 

Suddenly, although it seemed like eternity had passed, her hands and feet hit something solid. She stopped swimming and stood up on the rough glassy sand of the beach. She looked around, feeling disconcerted. Several people, including someone who looked like a lifeguard, rushed up to her. She heard Yuffie laugh as two men helped Kairi out of the water.

“You shouldn’t be swimming right now,” the lifeguard said. “The lightning storms are still in play.”

Kairi insisted he call her motel and inform Leon and Rikku where they were. After they conceded to her demand she was more than willing to do what they said, which was to sit down in a small room that seemed to be part of the Coast Guard’s office and drink orange Gatorade. She hated Gatorade, especially the orange, yellow, or red Gatorades. Still, she drank it because it they told her to.

Yuffie sat next to her and just guzzled her Gatorade. She never seemed to mind the taste of any athlete’s drink. Then again, she was an athlete, so maybe that was Kairi’s problem. Someone wrapped a blanket around both of their shoulders. She thanked them, but wasn’t certain who it was exactly. 

“So I hear that Leon’ll be here in a minute for us,” Yuffie said.

“Good,” Kairi said.

“We seem to have a moderate to severe case of dehydration,” Yuffie said cheerfully. “At least that’s what the medic says.”

Kairi hadn’t even noticed a medic. She had a feeling that she might be going into shock. Not the life threatening shock, but rather an emotional one. She was going to be completely out of it shortly. Then there was the dehydration; she couldn’t forget about that.

“We’ll probably end up in the hospital overnight,” Yuffie continued, watching her girlfriend out of the corner of her eye. “But I doubt they’ll keep us for more than twenty-four hours. You’ll make it back in time for your new semester.”

“Yuffie.”

“Yeah, babe?”

“The next time I suggest doing something other than go back to law school, like go on a tropical vacation with you, slap me.”

“Never.”

“Why not?”

“Because the system is that I do stupid things, you yell at me, and then we have makeup sex. It’s a system that works quite well without anyone resorting to physical violence. Besides, in two weeks the only thing I’m going to remember about this trip besides the surfing is the fact we had sex in a cave and then went cliff diving.”

Kairi didn’t say anything. Sometimes there just wasn’t any way to respond to what Yuffie said. This was one of them. She found herself leaning against her girlfriend. By the time Leon and the paramedics arrived Kairi was half asleep. Kairi knew she was pretty much out of it, but in that state she didn’t mind all the fuss everyone was making. About the only one who wasn’t making a fuss was Yuffie. All she did was stroke Kairi’s hair and at the moment, drinking that awful orange Gatorade, felt pretty damn good to Kairi.


	24. Momentary Manager and A Misplaced Kiss

_Her hand slipped further down the thigh. She pursed her lips, licking them in anticipation. Then she—_

“Yuf, get dressed, we gotta go,” Kairi said, tapping her girlfriend’s head.

Yuffie just shook her head and continued to read.

_—caught a hold of the black lace with the tip of her pinky and tugged. Slowly it slipped further down to reveal—_

The laptop slammed shut, nearly pinching the surfer’s fingers. Kairi stared at her over the computer with a mixture of humor and annoyance on her face.

“I was reading epic lesbian romance,” Yuffie said. “Why did you take away my epic lesbian romance?”

“Because we’re late and you shouldn’t be reading epic lesbian romance right now.”

“But it’s epic lesbian romance! And I was just getting to the good part.”

“If it’s as epic as you think it is, it’ll still be there when you get back. Now put your pants on and let’s go.”

“But Kairi…” Yuffie trailed off when the redhead offered her a pair of pants. “I can’t wear those.”

“Then grab a different pair, but let’s go.”

Yuffie was a bit grumpy, but found some shorts that she liked better. Then she followed Kairi out of the apartment and to the trolley station. Kairi seemed to be in a rush, but Yuffie wasn’t really certain why. They had loads of time before they were due at the meeting, at least forty-five minutes. Since they had the time, she asked Kairi what was the rush.

“The rush? We’re fifteen minutes late,” Kairi said.

“It’s 3:20. We’ve got loads of time.”

Kairi stared at her in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? Yuffie, it’s 4:20.”

“You’re shitting me, right?”

“Last weekend we switched to daylight savings time. Didn’t you notice that your TV shows weren’t matching up with your clocks?”

“I’ve been watching all my stuff online, so no I didn’t notice anything odd. Why didn’t you tell me about the switch?”

Kairi slowly let out her breath. “I’ve talked about almost nothing else for the last month. I reset all of my clocks Sunday night and I even reminded you to do the same.”

“Was Sunday the night the international mixed martial arts contest was held?”

“Yes.”

“Well that explains everything,” Yuffie said brightly. “I tuned you out all night, so I had no idea that you were telling me about the spring forward thingy. I guess that means we really are quite late after all.”

Kairi opened her mouth as if to say something, but at that moment the trolley arrived and she was cut off. Actually, she probably could have said something, but Yuffie jumped up onto the top of the trolley before she could say anything else. Kairi used the trolley in a more traditional manner and boarded with the other passengers.

‘Mental note to self,’ Yuffie thought. ‘Stop arguing with Kairi. She’s usually right, and if she’s wrong, don’t correct her.’

Even if they were horribly late and she had managed to piss Kairi off again, Yuffie still enjoyed the ride. Spring had sprung in Twilight and Yuffie enjoyed the change in weather. She loved feeling the warm air blasting onto her face as the trolley hurtled along the tracks. The only low point with the arrival of spring was that she now had to deal with rainy days. She couldn’t ride the top of the trolley on those days. Still, that was a minute sacrifice compared to being able to swim and surf again.

She was just starting to relax on the trolley roof when she saw Kairi exit the trolley. Knowing that she’d be in serious trouble if she didn’t follow, Yuffie landed gracefully next to her girlfriend. This sudden appearance startled Kairi enough that she jumped backwards and nearly fell onto the tracks.

“Careful babe,” Yuffie said, grabbing her by the sleeve. “I’d be awful sad if you managed to hurt yourself.”

“Don’t sneak up on me! Sheesh, you’re like a ninja.”

“I am a ninja.”

“You know what I mean,” Kairi said. “Come on, we’ve still got a bit of a walk ahead. I called Fran on the trolley. She knows we’re on our way, but she’s not happy.”

“Who’s Fran?”

Kairi glanced back at her. “Fran’s the manager Leon hired to take care of you while he’s out of commission.”

“Right. I wonder why I keep forgetting that.”

“It’s because you never pay attention,” Kairi said shortly. “Otherwise you’d know what was going on, Yuf. Do you see Irvine’s café anywhere?”

“I’m blanking on the name. Remind me?”

“Island Splash. I think that’s it over there.” Kairi pointed to a cheery storefront. Since the letter front read that name, Yuffie figured she was right.

They walked inside. Yuffie looked around, noting the tropic deco, but was more interested in the customers. One of them was Fran, but the surfer had no idea which one. There was a variety of people, but none of them were alone, and none of them seemed to be looking for them.

Kairi walked straight up to a beautiful cocoa-colored woman with white hair and introduced herself. She looked like a model, but apparently she was the one they were looking for because she reacted to Kairi’s introduction with one of her own.

“Yuffie, it is good to meet you,” the woman said. She had a slight accent or affect, but Yuffie couldn’t identify it. “My name is Fran Viera.”

“I’m Yuffie, Yuffie Kisaragi,” Yuffie replied, shaking the offered hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Sorry we’re late, but I didn’t realize that we had a time shift the other day.”

“I will keep that in mind,” Fran said, nodding. “Please sit down. 

Yuffie took the empty seat next to Kairi. On her other side there was a smiling man in a poofy shirt and bottoms that could only be described as pantaloons. It was a start contrast to Fran’s business suit. When she glanced through the glass table, she had to wince at Fran’s stilettos. Despite her athletic prowess, Yuffie would break an ankle in those. Unfortunately, she couldn’t get a good look at the man’s footgear because Kairi was snapping her fingers for Yuffie’s attention.

“Fran needs your complete attention, Yuffie,” she said.

“Of course,” Yuffie agreed, turning to stare at the woman. This was her manager, at least until Leon got better, and she deserved Yuffie’s full attention. ‘I wonder what she’d look like if she unbraided her hair. It looks really silky.’

A slight pressure on her right foot brought Yuffie back to reality. That was Kairi’s silent reminder that she had work to do. At least this time the surfer was able to pay attention.

“Leon had already created your schedule for the next several months, so my job is just to make certain you do your best at each event,” Fran said. “Balthier, my partner and your interim agent, will also assist in making certain everything runs smoothly.”

Balthier smiled and waved at his introduction. “It’s nice to meet you, Yuffie. Very charming indeed.”

“Same to you,” Yuffie said with a nod. “So, what do I need to do now?”

“I’d like you to sign some papers,” Balthier said, starting to rise. He produced a few papers and offered them to Yuffie. “We just need a few signatures here and there, then you can be on your merry way.”

“Balthier,” Fran said.

“Hush my love,” Balthier said, “It’s just a few papers.”

Yuffie accepted them, but just as smoothly as the agent handed her the papers, Kairi took them away. She scanned the pages, flipping through them efficiently. When Balthier tried to take them back, Kairi just turned so that they were just out of his reach, but in such a way that it seemed like she didn’t even notice his grasp.

“I believe we need to have a talk about these papers,” Kairi said evenly.

“Those weren’t for you,” he said, starting to frown. Without the smile he didn’t look particularly attractive.

“Oh, but I promised Yuffie and Leon that I would take special care to protect her interests from unnecessary complications while Leon was sick.”

“You did?” Balthier asked.

“You did?” Yuffie echoed.

“Yes,” Kairi said, smiling. Yuffie could tell something was afoot, but whatever had caught the redhead’s ire wasn’t her, so Yuffie was thankful. “Come on, Balthier,” Kairi said, grabbing his arm and pulling him from his seat. “I believe there are a few points in this contract I’d like you to explain in careful detail.”

“Well, certainly I’d be happy to—”

“This area is a little too noisy for my tastes. I think we should go to the back room.”

“But, really—”

“Olette, can we use the back room for a minute?” Kairi asked.

“Sure,” Olette said, as she set down a drink in front of Fran. “Just don’t mess up the place settings, alright?” She turned to Yuffie. “Can I get you anything? We just got in a fresh shipment of star fruit this morning.”

“Something with star fruit in it then?” Yuffie guessed.

“Coming right up,” Olette said, moving away.

By this point Kairi and Balthier had already disappeared. Yuffie looked around, but realized they must have moved rather quickly to disappear in only a few seconds.

“Do you have any idea what’s going on?” she asked.

“I believe Leon told your friend that she needed to have a talk with my husband about his contracts,” Fran said, draining her tea bag. “Balthier is a little… enthusiastic when it comes to his contracts. He dislikes taking ‘no’ for an answer and Kairi is just explaining that ‘no’ is the only answer he will receive.”

“If it’s a good contract, shouldn’t I take it?” Yuffie asked.

“Our contract is with Squall Leonhart, not Yuffie Kisaragi. I would prefer to not enter into any conflicting contracts and so you will wait to sign any contracts with us until after our contract with Leon is expired. Balthier knows our policy, but he likes to… tease our clients.”

“Okay, I gotcha. Any idea when their talk will be over? Out of the two of us, Kairi’s the one who actually remembers to ask questions.”

“I believe they are returning now.”

Yuffie looked up and grinned. Kairi looked triumphant, while Balthier looked a bit like he had just suffered a mugging. His clothes were badly rumpled and he had a nervous look on his face. She could see that he now had a few sweat stains.

“What were you guys up to?” she asked.

“Just a little business talk,” Kairi said cheerfully. “So Fran, where did you leave off?”

“I was about to discuss the upcoming schedule. The biggest event is the Charity Fundraiser. We will need you there on time and ready to be cheerful and friendly because your main job will be making the fans happy. Remember, this a charity for sick children, wrecking the occasion in any way will completely destroy your career.”

“No one wants to support an athlete that bails on assisting terminally ill kids,” Balthier explained.

“Got it,” Yuffie said, nodding. She really did. “I always make my appointments. Unless I get hit by a bus or something. Never exclude the bus.”

“Understood,” Fran said, writing something down. “Excluding the bus, will you make it in time? Kairi, will you also be joining us?”

“We will both be there on time,” Kairi said firmly. “This is even if I have to drag her there myself. If possible, you’ll want to send a car.”

“Understood.” Another scribble.

They sat there for another moment. Then as if some secret symbol was given, Fran and Balthier stood up and packed up their things. They both shook Kairi and Yuffie’s hands. Then they left. 

“What do we do now?” Yuffie asked. She felt a little bit like this meeting was a waste of time. She would have much rather have stayed home reading epic lesbian romance.

“I was thinking that maybe we could have lunch, talk a little, then go out. If I remember correctly, there’s a new movie you want to see. Something with dragons.” Kairi smiled at her then flagged Olette down. “If you’d prefer, we can just get takeout.”

“I’d like to eat here, and then have a date,” Yuffie said quickly. “Or rather, I’d prefer to start the date now while we’re out.”

As Kairi began ordering sandwiches for them, Yuffie smiled. She couldn’t wait for the date to “officially” start. This was a surprising treat and she couldn’t wait until later. Screw the epic lesbian romance novel she was reading online; she was involved in her own epic lesbian romance at the moment.

***

Yuffie entered the dark theater. As her eyes adjusted to see outlines, she munched on some of the popcorn she had bought. After scanning the aisles she caught sight of Kairi’s hairdo down a few rows. 

Grinning, she scooted down the aisle and slipped into the empty seat next to her girlfriend. Yuffie wrapped her arm around Kairi and kissed her cheek.

“I got the popcorn, babe. Also got your chocolate covered raisins,” she whispered. “Do you have my 3D glasses?”

“Who are you?” the girl Yuffie had thought was Kairi asked. 

Her hairstyle was the same as Kairi’s, but now that she could see her face Yuffie realized it wasn’t her girlfriend. Her face was a little rounder and her eyes, which Yuffie could see over the 3D glasses, were blue, not purple. She was also a blonde, but the screen was dying it red. If she wasn’t completely shocked at her mistake, she would have laughed at the similarities between the two.

“Oh Bahamut, you can never tell her I mistook you for her and accidently kissed you,” Yuffie hissed, pointing her finger at the girl. “It was an honest mistake and I will never make it again.”

“I’ve never met your girlfriend before,” she said. “I swear I won’t tell her. Who are you even?”

“Oh, I’m Yuffie,” Yuffie said pleasantly, falling back onto formality as she shook the girl’s hand. “Who are you?”

“Naminé,” she said politely. “I think it’s time you go find your girlfriend.”

“You’re completely right,” Yuffie agreed. She stood up and scanned the theater again. This time she was certain she had spotted Kairi up near the back of the theater, overlooking everything else.

This time she called her girlfriend by name when she sat down. Bad enough accidently kissing one stranger in the theater, she didn’t need to make it two.

“Hey stranger, you took a while,” Kairi said. She handed her a pair of glasses. “I was beginning to think you got lost.”

When the law student kissed her Yuffie felt immensely guilty. She wanted to confess everything, but it would only ruin the night. She’d confess after the movie ended, get yelled at, and then get stuck sleeping on the couch for the next three days. That was the best solution possible. She thought Kairi wouldn’t dump her for this, it was an accident, but Yuffie was in serious shit.

They watched in contentment. Despite her worries, Yuffie fully enjoyed the movie. Seeing dragons soaring around and out of the screen with vikings was a magical moment for her. Even Kairi got into it. Yuffie could hear her laughing and screaming along with the rest of the audience at the appropriate points. By the time they left the theater the girls were excitedly rehashing their shared experience.

Yuffie wanted to tell her everything now, she really did, but there was never a chance. As soon as the surfer remembered she needed to spill her guts, Kairi was kissing her along Yuffie’s collarbone. She wanted to say something, but Kairi had stolen her ability to speak with her touch. They fell asleep curled up together. It was a good night, even if she was carrying guilt.

To try and counter said guilt Yuffie decided to be on her best behavior. She cleaned up her side of the room and cleaned up all of her messes. Late and argumentative were stricken from Yuffie’s vocabulary. She did her best to stay out of trouble. One morning Yuffie even brought Kairi breakfast in bed.

Unfortunately, her sudden change in behavior had Kairi wondering if something was wrong with Yuffie. She felt Yuffie’s forehead and asked if she was okay when the surfer offered to wash the dishes after breakfast. Then when Yuffie didn’t disturb her during the six hours she spent working on the taxes, Kairi knew her girlfriend was up to no good.

“What exactly have you done?” she demanded.

Yuffie’s first extinct was to flee. She knew that a confrontation would reveal her infidelity and she needed to avoid that at all costs. Unfortunately, Kairi had anticipated her reaction and removed all the toilet paper from the bathroom. Feeling more than a little uncomfortable, Yuffie set her hands on her knees and resigned herself to her fate.

“Apparently, decided to use the bathroom without checking to see if there’s any toilet paper.”

“No, not that. I mean, why have you been on your best behavior?”

“Why shouldn’t I be?” Yuffie countered. “You’ve been working really hard and with Leon on sick leave I need to shape up and ship out.”

“Bullshit. This is one hundred percent guilty behavior. I see the way your eyes shift and the nervous twitches. You’ve also been doing me favors and I wouldn’t be surprised if you started bringing me gifts.”

“But I like giving you gifts!” Yuffie said.

“But you tend to swagger and brag a little when you do that while being as excited as a puppy. Now you’re acting like a puppy who made a mess on the carpet and doesn’t want to be connected to it. Fess up and everything will be easier on us all,” Kairi said, smiling. “I’m certain whatever it is isn’t that bad… unless you decided to put us all on a reality TV show.”

“I learned my lesson about signing contracts already,” Yuffie said quickly.

“Good. Now what is it?”

“It’s nothing.”

“What’s nothing?

Yuffie had to think fast. Kairi wouldn’t really take ‘nothing’ for an answer and Yuffie obviously couldn’t tell the truth, so she needed a believable third alternative. Some might call it a lie, but she didn’t consider it such. White lies were never really lies, especially if they were true in some respects.

“I kinda messed up the other day,” Yuffie said, trying to buy herself some more time.

“What happened?” Kairi asked again, already relaxing. 

“The other day when I was trying to find something in the cupboard I had managed to accidently knock a couple of wine glasses off the shelf and they shattered,” Yuffie said. It was true, but she hadn’t broken the glasses until she had accidently messed up and had been trying to prepare a fancy dinner with their special wine glasses.

“Oh geeze, Yuf,” Kairi sighed. “Those are irreplaceable and I already broke one of them when we first got them. So what, do we have only five now?”

“Unless you’ve managed to break any more since I did the other day, then we have five left,” Yuffie said brightly. She couldn’t believe Kairi was actually buying it.

“Okay, well you’re forgiven and I’d like you to get back to normal now. Sorry to trap you in the bathroom. I’ll leave you in peace now.” She smiled at Yuffie and walked away.

Yuffie sighed in relief. She had evaded capture. A moment later though, the surfer realized there was still one problem. “Kairi!” she yelled, trying not to stand up. “Bring me back my toilet paper!”

***

“Come on, Kairi, we’re gonna be late!”

“Well this is a turnabout,” Kairi said as she latched her necklace in place. “But rest assured my dear, we have forty-five minutes before we’re due to arrive. And unlike some people, I’ve kept track of daylight saving time. There. I’m done.”

She smiled at Yuffie as she picked up her purse. Yuffie grinned back and offered Kairi her arm, which the law student accepted. They left after that and made it on time to the fundraiser, just like Kairi had said. Mind you Kairi’s hair had gotten completely blown out of place on the trolley ride over after she had spent at least an hour working on it—that was why Yuffie liked short hair, she could just roll out of bed and go—but they were there on time.

“I need to greet my fans,” Yuffie said as they entered the room.

“And I need to fix my hair,” Kairi said, nodding toward the bathroom. “I’ll find you when I’m done?”

“See you then.”

Kairi left before anyone caught sight of her. Rikku raced up to Yuffie as soon as Kairi departed. She tapped her friend on her shoulder to get the surfer’s attention.

“Good, you’re here,” Rikku said. “Fran wants to talk to you as soon as possible. She’s over by the refreshments double checking to make certain there’s enough of everything.”

“Thanks, Two-K,” Yuffie grinned. She sauntered over to the refreshment table and greeted her stand in manager.

“Your speech starts in ten minutes. Are you ready?”

“Yup. Where should I give it?”

“On the stage in front of the microphone. Otherwise it might be difficult for everyone to enjoy your speech.”

“Right,” Yuffie said sheepishly. She should have figured that out on her own. She ambled through the guests, smiling and greeting everyone. She only said a few words to each one and even then it took the entire ten minutes to go five yards.

When she reached the stage she leapt up onto it. That got everyone’s attention. The general conversation ceased as she walked to the microphone. She grinned at everyone and gave a slight wave before tapping the microphone head to see if it was on. The loud screeching noise confirmed it.

After the reverberation cleared the sound system, Yuffie cleared her throat. She had absolutely no idea what to say. Sure, she had prepared a speech beforehand with Kairi, but there were too many beady little eyes staring at her with adoration. Her bowtie felt too tight.

“I’m usually pretty good at talking to people,” Yuffie laughed, tugging on her collar. “Kairi can’t get me to shut up most of the time.”

That earned her a laugh, which made her feel a little more relaxed. Crowds didn’t scare her. She was a people person and these were her fans, so there was nothing to be afraid of. Yuffie laughed again and spotted her girlfriend in the back of the crowd. That made her finally remember the speech.

“I just remembered why I’m here,” Yuffie said brightly. “The children’s hospital asked me to come and host this event since they thought I’d be a big draw. Why would I be such a draw? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that I just won, for the second year in a row I might add, the Djose Lightening Dancing Surfing Competition. This is also on the tail-end of placing in the Pride Lands’ surfing contest for the first time.”

There was a roaring cheer. Yuffie had to wait a few minutes until they died down enough for them to hear her again.

“I know it sounds like I’m bragging and there’s a simple reason for that. I am. You’ve gotta be pretty awesome to do as well as I have this year. Still, I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for a few people. First off, I wanna thank my girlfriend for her love, support, and direction. I think we’re all happy for her sense of direction because mine is worse than a water flea’s. If she wasn’t in charge I’d still be stuck on the trolley system. Did you guys know there are twelve different routes?”

“But three of them go out to the suburbs and do almost nothing in town,” someone in the crowd shouted. 

“Which is why it’s a good thing Kairi knew which route to take,” Yuffie continued, wagging her hands around. “The other person who’s helped get me where I needed to go is Squall Leonhart, my manager. He’s assisted me through every single event to the point that he’s managed to make himself sick. While he’s recovering, Franny there is filling in on his managerial duties. If I understand things correctly, while Leon got the original offer and agreed to it, Franny is the one who did all the hard work to make tonight’s fundraiser possible,”

There was another loud cheer. Yuffie was fairly certain Fran got a larger cheer than she did. When this one subsided, Yuffie was able to move into the end of her speech.

“As I already said, I love talking. However, I’m not much for giving speeches. The main reason I’m giving this speech is because I’m the main event for a sick kids’ fundraiser. We’re all here partly to talk to me, but mostly to support those kiddies. I think we’re even auctioning off some of my stuff, including the documentary that must not be named. So have a good night everybody! It’s supposed to be fun.”

Yuffie tried to turn off the microphone before she left the stage. It seemed like the right thing to do; saving power and being green and all that. Instead, she ended up accidently popping its top off. Not wanting anyone to realize she broke the microphone, Yuffie quickly hopped off the stage into the crowd. 

She was petted and patted by the hoard. Some of them asked her about favorite surfing sites, others about her favorite board, or her favorite non-surfing activities. There were other questions too, but they were a little harder for Yuffie to answer. Part of the difficulty might have stemmed from the fact she was conversing with at least three different people at any one time and also signing autographs. Somehow the flow pushed Yuffie to one end of the room.

The flash of a camera momentarily blinded her. It seemed they had moved into photo opts now. At least she got to sit down and not say anything while random people posed with her. This gave her a chance to think, although she couldn’t actually think of anything, so she just spaced out.

“You look bored,” Kairi said sitting down.

“What are you doing here?” Yuffie asked.

“I promised I’d find you once I fixed my hair. It just took me a little longer to get back to you than I expected,” Kairi said, smiling. There was a bright flash. “Plus I thought my Mom might like a picture of us dressed up. She’s never seen you in a tux before.”

“Have you?”

Kairi thought for a moment while the flashing continued. “I think so, but I don’t have any photographic proof. I do have pictures of you in that slinky black dress though.”

“I have pictures of you in that dress too,” Yuffie said grinning. That had been a really amazing dress. It was a shame she had accidently ruined it a year ago.

“I think my turn’s over.” Kairi patted Yuffie’s shoulder. “If you get a chance, talk with the photographer. She’s an art student and she’s really sweet.” Then she left.

A bit later Fran sat down next to her for a photo. Yuffie grinned. From something about her manager’s manner, the surfer knew this was the last photo. A few more flashes and Yuffie was allowed to leave. Fran told her she had been photographed with every person at the event.

‘That explains why it took so long,’ Yuffie thought. “So what now?”

“Mix and mingle,” Balthier said, startling Yuffie at his sudden appearance. “Everyone’s gotten a little bit of immortality with you now, so they’re less ravenous for your attention. Plus the silent auction is about to start, so they’ll also be busy with that. If there’s anything you want to buy back, you’d better place your own bid soon.”

“Yuf, are you really selling my set of bikinis?” Rikku demanded.

“You’ve either outgrown them or they’re mine, which I can totally sell,” Yuffie said. “If you really need them that badly you can buy them back.”

“Then maybe I will.”

“Do it. It’s for a good cause.”

Rikku’s eyes widened. “I think that girl is bidding on my cat suit. I’d better go win them before she or those awful fanboys snatch them up!” She ran off to stake her claim.

Yuffie smiled at her best friend’s antics. As much fun as it was to mix and mingle, she decided to go find Kairi. If nothing else, she’d find fans for Yuffie to talk to about something interesting.

She found Kairi with the photographer. It looked like an animated conversation and Yuffie wanted in. After all, she had already been told to talk to the photographer. When she caught Kairi’s eye, the redhead grinned. Yuffie was waved over.

“Yuffie, I want you to meet Naminé. I was telling you about her earlier,” Kairi said.

“Nice to meet you,” Yuffie said, smiling as she grabbed the photographer’s hand. The name sounded vaguely familiar, but she had met a lot of people over the years.

“We’ve already met,” Naminé said quietly, rubbing the top of her camera.

That was when Yuffie actually looked at the girl. She should have realized this would happen; she had been thinking of nothing else for the past week. This was the girl Yuffie had accidently cheated on Kairi with. Why did these things always come back to bite her in the ass?

“When did that happen?” Kairi asked. “I didn’t know you knew any artists.”

“Oh, I can’t quite recall,” Yuffie said nonchalantly with a wave of her hand. She wrapped an arm around Naminé’s shoulder. “Nams and I need to go catch up. That okay, babe?”

“Sure. I’ll catch you later.”

Yuffie steered the startled photographer to the other end of the room. When she was certain no one she personally knew Yuffie glared at the girl. Naminé seemed extremely nervous about the whole situation.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Yuffie hissed. “Did you tell her anything?”

“No. Of course not. I made a promise. Besides, I didn’t know you were the same Yuffie I met at the movies.”

“How many Yuffies do you know?”

“More than you’d think. More importantly, it isn’t that big of a deal. It was just an accidental kiss.” Fran called out to Naminé. “I’ve got to go, but I think you should tell her. She will understand.” Then the photographer left.

Yuffie spent the rest of the evening keeping Naminé and Kairi apart. At the same time she entertained the guests, pleased Fran, and assisted Rikku in buying back her bikinis. The surfer still wasn’t certain how they ended up in the auction in the first place. They sold for twice the price Rikku had originally paid for them. She was actually quite successful at everything. It probably helped that the function was at least half over when she realized Naminé was there.

Now everyone except for the staff had left. Yuffie and Kairi didn’t have to clean up, the catering staff did that, but they were waiting for Fran to dismiss them.

“This went well,” Fran said. “Balthier and I will total up the sales with the hospital staff, but I believe this was a very fruitful benefit. Go home and relax.”

They exited the same time Naminé did and ended up riding the elevator together. It was the worst moment of the night for Yuffie.

“I’m glad you two got to see each other again,” Kairi said. “Naminé, would you like to come over some time? I would love to see your paintings.”

“I have some landscapes I think you might like,” Naminé said. “I don’t like to brag, but I also do excellent portraits.”

“I should get your number because I bet Yuffie doesn’t have it.” Then before Yuffie could do anything, they girls exchanged phones and plugged in their respective numbers.

“Call me,” Naminé said as they parted way.

“Will do,” Kairi promised. She waved and slipped her arm into Yuffie’s as they parted.

Yuffie sighed in relief. ‘Now if I can just delete her number I can save my relationship for now.’

“What’s wrong with you?” Kairi asked, bumping Yuffie with her hip. “You’ve been acting strange ever since you saw Naminé. Did you rob a bank with her or something? And out with it or you’re sleeping on the couch.”

“Kairi…”

“Please Yuf. I’m serious, I need to know. My imagination has got to be worse than the truth.”

They rode home in silence. Kairi obviously wanted to know, but she wasn’t going to push Yuffie anymore. She was far too considerate for Yuffie to keep hiding it from her. With a sigh she gave in and decided to spill the beans.

“What are you worrying it is?” Yuffie asked, taking off her coat.

“Did you sleep with her?”

“What? No, by Leviathan no! I would never have sex with anybody else! I’m not a cheater,” Yuffie said. ‘At least not intentionally.’

“Did you really rob a bank?”

“No! Babe, it’s nothing that exciting. I barely know the girl.”

“Then tell me how you know her.”

“I…” Yuffie swallowed the lump in her throat. It was way too hard to say and Yuffie understood why. She was so scared of losing this beautiful amazing woman that Yuffie loved more than anything else in the world. “I met Naminé at the movies last week.”

“Seriously? I don’t remember that. Did you go again or something?”

“No. it was a case of mistaken identity. I sat down next to her at How to Train Your Dragon. After doing that I… I…” She couldn’t bring herself to say it.

“You what?”

“I kissed her,” Yuffie whispered. In a louder voice she quickly added, “It was a complete accident and…” She gulped a deep breath of air before continuing. “AssoonasIrealizedshewasn’tyouIfreakedoutandhavebeentryingeversincetomakethingsuptoyoubybeinggood.” It had been a long time since she had been so flustered that Yuffie ran her words together.

“You did what?” Kairi asked. “Gotta speak up, Yuf.”

“I kissed the girl,” Yuffie said. “And I hated it because it wasn’t you.”

“You kissed Naminé.”

The surfer nodded miserably.

“And that’s why you’ve been acting so weird lately?”

She nodded again.

Kairi burst out laughing.

Yuffie was stunned this was not the reaction she was expected. After a few minutes and the fact Kairi had doubled over laughing, Yuffie had to ask what was up with that reaction.

“All you did was accidently kiss some girl and since then you’ve been acting like you killed my cat,” Kairi said, wiping a tear from her eye. She started gigging again.

“But I cheated on you! You should be furious! Throw me out on my ear! Try to gouge my eye out with your car keys!”

“I don’t have any car keys. Besides, I don’t consider a kiss to be cheating. It’s not like you were making out with her, it was just a kiss, right?”

“Yes, but why aren’t you mad?”

“Would you prefer I was?”

“No.”

“Why do you always think I’ll get mad?”

“You do yell a lot.”

“But I’m rarely truly angry.”

“But I kissed Naminé.”

“People kiss all the time. In some cultures it’s the basic greeting. Sora and Riku both kiss me and I kiss them, but it’s always completely platonic.”

“Seriously?” Yuffie asked.

“Yep. Are you gonna attack me with your car keys?”

“No.”

“Good. Because I was planning to figure out just how that cummerbund fits on,” Kairi said, untying Yuffie’s bowtie.

Now this was something Yuffie could like. “So it’s okay to kiss and tell?”

Kiri’s grip on the tie tightened. “I don’t want you to make a habit of kissing random women.”

“Got it.”

“If anything like this ever happens again, promise me you’ll tell me right away,” Kairi said. “You’re not a cheater, babe, but secrets can make you look like one and if the media had gotten a hold of it before I knew, we’d have a mess on our hands.”

Yuffie wrapped her arms around Kairi’s neck. “So we’re good?”

“Only if you’re willing to take that cummerbund off.”

“I think that can be arranged,” Yuffie grinned.

It was. Unfortunately, Yuffie’s tuxedo was never the same again, but neither girl minded. They would forever have some very happy memories of it. Especially Kairi. Yuffie wasn’t certain if she had ever seen anyone that liked bowties better. Still, that was just another part of Kairi and Yuffie wouldn’t have her any other way.


	25. The Wonderful Doctor of Who

“Oh look at that, he finally proved he wasn’t a total jackass,” Axel said, wiping a tear from his eye.

“I still would have gone for sweet bland predictable boyfriend,” Kairi said, eating another kernel. “Some of the skuzzy things the lead did just aren’t forgivable in my eyes.”

“Yeah, the pig’s blood thing was pretty gross,” Axel agreed. He picked up the remote. “I think _You’ve Got Mail_ is supposed to be playing. We’ve only missed the first twelve minutes.”

“Let’s do that. I don’t think I can stand to watch skuzzy’s sequel. I’ve come to really hate that actor.”

“He really isn’t that attractive, but I will never get over his part in that arson movie. The bit where he danced with the flames changed my life.”

“It also got you to burn your shins.”

“Minor details,” Axel dismissed.

They watched the movie in relative silence. Both had seen it before, so it wasn’t imperative to pay absolute attention, but it was one of Axel’s nineties favorites and he didn’t want any distractions. At about the point where Tom Hanks realized who his pen pal was, Roxas burst through the front door.

“Keep it down, will ya?” Axel snapped.

“Dude,” Roxas laughed.

“What?” Kairi asked, craning her neck to look at him. That sort of language wasn’t Roxas’s usual vocabulary.

“Dude,” he repeated, holding up a flyer.

“Dude,” Kairi said upon seeing the flyer because no other response could properly convey her reaction. That was something Roxas had already discovered.

The flyer announced that coming to Twilight Town was the widely acclaimed production, _Doctor Who: The Musical_. It featured Paul McGann, continuing his role as the eighth Doctor, and Kysta Rodriguez—some famous Broadway actress—as his companion. The flyer also proclaimed that this was the first time _Doctor Who: The Musical_ had ever been shown outside of Europe.

“I still don’t see what the big deal is,” Axel said.

“It’s _Doctor Who_ ,” Roxas said.

“So?”

“ _Doctor Who_ , Axel, _Doctor Who_.”

“Again, so? What’s so special about _Doctor Who_?”

“What’s so special?” Roxas spluttered, slapping his forehead.

“You picked him not me,” Kairi said. She would never date someone who had no interest in science fiction.

“In the history of all television, _Doctor Who_ is the best sci-fi show ever. It first premiered in 1963 and has been on ever since, with the exception of the years between 1989 and 2005. That also makes it the longest running sci-fi show. During that break there was a movie in ’96 and various other media forms of the good doctor. That includes this musical.”

“Why haven’t I heard of it?” Axel asked.

“It’s British.”

“Oh. If it’s been around since ’63, shouldn’t Doctor Who be ancient by now?”

“It’s The Doctor,” Roxas snapped testily. “And he’s better looking than you’ll ever be.”

“The Doctor’s an alien who can regenerate and the regeneration process is how the BBC switches actors,” Kairi explained. “It works surprisingly well. I’ve only seen the new series, so Ten’s my favorite, but Amy Pond is simply gorgeous.”

“Ten? Are you serious?” Roxas asked. “Eleven’s better looking, but if you want true Who, Four’s your man.”

“But I’ve never seen One through Eight in action. You have yet to get me copies of the old stuff.”

“Well, you’re going to see Eight soon enough. I bought four tickets so we can go as a group.”

“Excellent!”

“I am so confused right now,” Axel said. “Where does Amy Pond fit in?”

“I’ll show you _Doctor Who_ tomorrow night and all will be explained,” Roxas promised. He looked back to Kairi. “The play’s on the 10th. You and Yuffie can make it, right? I think all the other shows are already sold out.”

“Even if I can’t, I’ll still be there. _Doctor Who_ doesn’t come waltzing into our theaters that often.”

“I hear there’s even a number where the Daleks sing and tap dance.”

That made Kairi pause. “Are you serious?”

“Maybe it’s line dancing. I don’t really know, but there’s definitely dancing Daleks.”

“I gotta tell Yuffie the good news,” Kairi said, shrugging on her coat. 

She hugged Axel and Roxas goodbye, then gave the latter a kiss on the cheek. At his surprise she explained that it was for the tickets. Then with a final wave of goodbye, Kairi left to inform her girlfriend that they were going to see a play with dancing tin cans.

When she got home, the first thing Kairi did was narrowly avoid being hit in the head by a wiimote. Instead, the controller sailed out the apartment door and hit the door to the apartment across the hall, albeit in a much lower spot than Kairi’s head normally occupied. She retrieved the wiimote and reentered the apartment, this time moving a little more cautiously.

“Yuffie, what happened?” she called before entering the living room. Kairi didn’t really think her girlfriend would throw anymore electronics, but better to announce her presence then be mistaken for a walking lamp.

“The goddamn Great Jaggi just fucking killed me!” Yuffie yelled, pointing at the screen as she still hopped and waved her other arm. “I was so close, Kairi!”

Kairi looked at the screen. “Velociraptors appear to be eating your corpse.”

“No, those are just Jaggi,” Yuffie sighed, sitting down on the couch. “I’ve been trying to complete the quest, Jump Four Jaggi, for the last six days and I’ve lost two ranks on this thing.”

“What is Jump Four Jaggi?”

“It’s a quest where I’m supposed to kill four Great Jaggi, giant velociraptors with frills on their necks, in fifty minutes. Usually I die too quickly or run out of time, but I was so close! Three dead and the fourth was badly wounded. Then two of these little bastards attacked from behind and killed me!” Yuffie jumped to her feet again and began pacing. 

“Maybe you should take a break?” Kairi asked. “You nearly knocked me out just now when you lost control of this.” She held out the controller, which Yuffie sheepishly accepted.

“But I have to complete this quest tonight, Babe. This isn’t a quest they offer online full time.”

“Then maybe you’ll have to wait for the next time they offer it. I mean, how long will that even be? A month?”

“More like three.”

“And since you’re about to start your surfing season again, that isn’t that big of a deal,” Kairi said soothingly. “Now sit.”

Yuffie obeyed. She also turned off the TV and Wii before looking at her girlfriend.

“What’s up with you?” Yuffie asked. “I wasn’t expecting you home for at least another two attempts.”

“I left after Roxas gave me some great news,” Kairi said, getting excited again. “Guess what’s coming to Twilight Town?”

“What?”

Feeling a bit like she was repeating the conversation she’d had with Roxas, Kairi said, “ _Doctor Who: The Musical_ is coming and the show includes dancing Daleks!”

“Seriously? Cool. Are they multicolored like the new Daleks?” Yuffie asked.

“Now that I can’t answer, but I have a feeling it’s a no. Roxas got tickets for us both.”

“When is it?”

“The 10th, and it’s going to be a fun night.”

“Oh, that sucks,” Yuffie said, frowning. “I’ll be in the middle of the Atlantis three day competition on the 10th. I leave Wednesday.”

“It’s okay, you can’t cancel the biggest competition just to go to the theater with me.”

“No, it’s not okay.” She kissed her girlfriend on the temple. “Kairi, I’m sorry, but this is a spur of the moment kind of thing and I just can’t make it. So we will plan something for later this summer and we’ll go together to a different better play and we’ll love it, even if I think it’s completely stupid, okay? It’ll be some kick ass quality together time.”

Kairi couldn’t help but smile. “It’s not that big of a deal, Yuf, but I’m glad you want to spend time with me so badly. So let’s put the game aside and spend some time together.”

Yuffie blinked and grinned when she felt Kairi’s fingers on her collar. “You’re right, I can be a hunter any time. Why don’t we make a change in scenery and play a little doctor?”

“ _Doctor Who_?”

“You bet.”

***

“I’ve got bad news, Kairi,” Roxas sighed.

“Me too,” she said, adjusting the volume on her cell phone. Roxas’ voice was always softer on the phone than in person. “Yuffie’s leaving for a competition in two days and won’t be back until the fifteenth. Then she’ll be leaving for another one just a couple days later.”

“At least your partner has a good excuse. Axel said the Doctor was stupid and that his scarf was… his scarf was…” He couldn’t choke out the works.

“What did he say about the scarf?”

“That it was the worst abomination against fashion the world had ever seen and compared to Four, a mentally retarded alpaca who had been partly shaved and then Bejeweled by Reno would look like a fashion model.”

“…That’s really rough.”

“I kicked him out. Now Reno wants to know where his dad is and why I keep crying. Half the time I haven’t noticed I was even crying.”

“I’m certain things will get better.”

“You never insult the scarf, Kairi.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Is Reno otherwise okay?”

“Yeah. Olette and Pence are babysitting him for me when I need to work and they’ll take him while we’re at the play. They’re not musical fans and I respect that.”

“So I’ll invite Demyx instead? He’s a fan of show tunes and while that’s not the same thing as this musical, I think he’ll still like it.”

“Great. Then I can invite Sora and have a viable excuse for why Riku can’t come. I hate that guy.”

“I didn’t know you and Sora were such good friends.”

“Yeah, we really hit it off a while back. We like to call each other and talk about various shows and novels.”

“Really? I did not know that. So will you pick us all up or will we meet at the theater?”

“Sora will pick everybody up. Riku apparently bought a car not that long ago and Sora has complete access.”

“Are you sure Sora should be driving?”

“He’s actually a decent driver when there aren’t any distractions in the car, and the biggest distraction in his life has always been Riku, which is another reason why he shouldn’t come along. So give Demyx a call and I’ll see you on the 10th.”

Kairi caught sight of Yuffie heading toward the door. She was carrying a partly zipped suitcase. She set the bag on a table and continued to cram a large coat into it. It looked like she was about to rip it to shreds in her attempt to pack it.

“I gotta go, Roxas,” Kairi said, as she hung up. “Yuffie, cease and desist before I need to get you a new coat!”

Yuffie stopped and scratched the back of her neck. “I got everything to fit in here okay before.”

Kairi took out the coat and folded it before replacing it in the suitcase. “Why are you even packing a coat? Aren’t you going to the tropics? And you’re not leaving for another two days!”

“Leon said to pack early this time, since Two-K nearly made us miss our plane last time. As for the coat, I always pack the coat. It’s a nice coat.”

“Which is why I don’t want you ripping it up. Come here, you. Yuffie, you fold it here and here and you don’t crumple any of it into a ball.” After the suitcase was properly zipped shut, Kairi said, “I can’t believe you’re missing the Who musical.”

“I’m just not that big of a Who fan. Especially of Eight; he was the movie guy, right? The movie guy was a fop,” Yuffie said knowingly. “No babe, I’m happy you get to go, but I’d rather watch my Who at home in bed with you.”

“Kysta Rodriguez is supposed to be a looker.”

“You’re better looking.”

“You haven’t even seen her.”

“I repeat my previous statement.”

“What about Amy Pond? Am I better looking than her?”

“Who’s Amy Pond again?”

“The Doctor’s current companion, the attractive redhead.”

“Oh her. Sure, she’s attractive, but you’re much better,” Yuffie said nodding. “You’re always the better choice.”

“Are you just saying all this because you want to get laid?”

“No, but I wouldn’t mind a good roll in the hay.” 

Kairi couldn’t help but laugh at her snappy remarks.

Yuffie’s cell phone went off and after glancing at the name she frowned. “But that’ll have to wait until later. I gotta take this. Hey, the next time you go to the store, will you get me some tampons? Two-K stole the last three we had the other day and I’m worried we’re going to have a giant mess on our hands.”

Before Kairi could answer Yuffie had flipped open her phone and stepped out the door.

‘I don’t know whether to be pleased she thinks I’m so attractive or annoyed she just gave me the brush off,’ Kairi thought.

Yuna waddled up and gave a loud wark. Kairi smiled as she bent down to pet her. At least the chocobo would always be ready and waiting for her attention.

“Oh well,” Kairi said, as she picked Yuna up. “I can’t expect Yuffie to drop everything to attend to my every need now, can I? At least she was laying the compliments on pretty thick before she had to go. Let’s go watch some classic Who. I’m in the mood for Two, maybe Four with Romana 1. I love the internet.”

***

Kairi hit the doorbell and waited. When there was no response, she pressed the buzzer again.

“Are you certain you have the right address?” Roxas asked.

“No, she’s right,” Sora said. “Kairi never messes these sorts of things up. I should know.”

“Thanks, Sora. Just try not to trip on that scarf, would ya?” Kairi said.

“I’m not even wearing the scarf! That’s all Roxas, since I’m Five,” Sora said, shaking his celery.

“But Roxas’s scarf is just the sort of thing you would trip over.”

“We wouldn’t be having this problem right now if we had just invited Riku.”

“And we would all hate it if the evening was cut short because my foot ended up his ass,” Roxas grumbled.

“I don’t know about that,” Sora said thoughtfully. “Even while wearing shoes you’re feet aren’t that big and I bet we could pull them out again without medical help. Now mine on the other hand…”

“Boys,” Kairi snapped. “I did not come out here today to listen to you two discuss what can and cannot fit into Riku’s rectum. And unless you want me to tell your husband what you’re plotting, Sora, you’re going to shut up about it right now.”

“I wasn’t plotting anything,” he mumbled, but lapsed into silence.

Fortunately, at that point Demyx decided to answer the door. “Hey guys,” he said. “I wasn’t expecting you so soon. Come in, come in.”

At Demyx’s insistence, the three filed into his living room. He told them to wait while he found the right coat and disappeared into a back room. This annoyed Roxas, since he was certain that Demyx was going to make them late and he didn’t want to miss any of the numbers. Sora just laughed and busied himself by playing with some of the objects on the mantel.

“If you break any of those, you owe me several hundred dollars,” Zexion said, startling Sora into dropping the snow globe he held. 

Kairi leapt toward Sora and the snow globe before he dropped it. As soon as she heard Zexion speak, she knew Sora was going to drop the toy. She knew because Zexion had startled her when he spoke, and if he had spooked her, then he had definitely spooked Sora enough to make him jump and drop the snow globe. Much to her surprise however, Roxas was the one to catch the falling object before it shattered.

‘Clearly he’s been spending more time with Sora than I thought,’ Kairi realized. ‘He recognizes Sora’s reaction almost as well as I do, and his reaction time is faster.’

“We didn’t realize you were there, Dr. Grey,” Kairi said as she climbed to her feet. She was trying to be polite, since they did nearly break one of his mementos.

“Of course I am here,” Zexion scoffed. “This is my house.”

“Really?” Sora asked. “I thought it was Demyx’s.”

“He just lives here.”

“But I thought—”

“You thought wrong.”

“I’m ready to see the Doctor Whooseit play with you guys,” Demyx sang, skipping back into the room. “What do you think of my coat?” It was large, black, and baggy, with no particular form to it. When the hood was up Demyx was unrecognizable.

“It’s Doctor Who,” Kairi gently corrected. She refused to comment on the coat.

“Doctor Who?” Zexion asked. “As in the British television show?”

“The one and same,” Roxas said. “This is the musical we’re going to.”

“Really? Which doctor stars in it?” Zexion asked, picking up a large book and flipping it open.

“Paul McGann.”

“He was Eight, correct?”

“Yes.”

“I have always been rather fond of Eight,” Zexion said. “He has such style. What about his supporting cast? Even if he’s brilliant, the musical would be absolutely terrible if the rest of the actors could not act, sing, or dance. Poor writing would also kill the musical.”

“I believe most of the cast is made up of a mix of the cream of London’s actors and ex-Broadway stars,” Roxas said. “As for the writing, it’s a musical, it’s supposed to be campy.”

“I suppose the musical is also already sold out,” Zexion sighed, shutting the book.

“Yup,” Sora said. “Roxas managed to snag four tickets. One for him, one for me, one for Kairi and one for—”

Before Sora could finish that sentence, Demyx—who had innocently been bent over tying his shoelaces—received a blow to the head from the spine of the lexicon. With a resounding crack of binding on skull, he slumped to the floor. Everyone stared in shock as Zexion withdrew the book and began wiping the leather cover off with a monogrammed silk handkerchief.

“—Me,” Zexion finished.

Kairi continued to stare in shock.

Zexion walked over to the bookcase and carefully filed the lexion in its proper place on the shelf. Apparently it was volume six of a set.

“Why the hell did you do that?” she finally managed to ask.

“Oh he’ll be quite alright,” Zexion said. “In an hour or so Demyx will wake up and not remember anything. It does him no harm.”

“You cracked him over the head with a massive book!” she cried. “That’s not okay!”

“Okay is such a relative term,” he said. He was feeling along the front of one of the shelves. It was the chest level shelf. “I did it because he would not appreciate the show like I would and as Sora said, Roxas only has four tickets. Besides, Demyx doesn’t mind.”

“That’s beside the point! You shouldn’t be hitting anyone over the head with a book,” Kairi snapped. “And what exactly are you doing?”

“Getting out my sonic screwdriver,” he said, pushing the edge of the shelf in. 

With a small popping noise, the front of the shelf popped out several inches, revealing a secret compartment. Within the compartment Kairi could see several screwdrivers lined up end to end on velvet padding.

“You have a secret compartment for sonic screwdrivers?” she asked in wonder.

“And for laser screwdrivers and sonic lipsticks, yes. Although Eleven’s sonic screwdriver has yet to arrive in the mail.”

“Why?”

“If I kept them in a visible location Demyx would want to play with them and if he did that, he would most certainly break them,” Zexion said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Ah yes, here is Eight’s sonic. While his pocket watch and coat were much more iconic for him, he did have a sonic screwdriver. Pity really that One never had one.”

Kairi did not laugh at the little joke.

“Now then,” Zexion said, shutting the compartment with a flick of his wrist. He pointed the screwdriver at the group and smirked. “Will you hand over the ticket or do I have to remove it from your personage manually?”

Roxas pulled the tickets out of his breast pocket and offered it to the man. Still smirking as if he knew exactly how the events would play out, Zexion slid forward, stepped over Demyx’s prone form, and plucked the ticket from Roxas’ outstretched fist.

“Shall we go to the theater then?” he asked, smiling.

***

“So he just smashed him over the head with a dictionary?” Yuffie asked.

“It was a lexicon,” Kairi said, unable to stop herself from correcting her girlfriend. “And it made the most awful cracking noise.”

“Do you know if Demyx is still alive?”

“Yeah, he called me this morning furious that we never came to pick him up. When I asked him if he remembered waking up on the floor and he screamed at me that it was perfectly normal to do so and to stop changing the subject. So I just apologized and left it at that.”

“Did Zexy do anything else? Do you need me to come home?”

Kairi laughed into the phone. “Besides braining his boyfriend, Dr. Zexion Grey was the perfect gentlemen escorting the three of us to the musical. If we hadn’t witnessed him nearly bash Demyx’s brain in—how many more violent similes for ‘hit’ can I use in this conversation?—Roxas would invite Zexy to be our fourth for when we go out during the school year. He gets so sick going with just Olette and me. Not enough cultured male companionship I guess.”

“Axel is a lot of things, but cultured isn’t one of them.”

“To be fair, my cousin is brilliant in many fields and interested in even more. Roxas’ passions, literature and the performing arts, just aren’t two of them.”

“Why are they together again? For that matter, are they together again?”

“Yeah, Axel came to apologize on bended knee and he caught Roxas right after we got back from the play. So Roxas was in a great mood and took him back without even making Axel beg.”

“So now answer my first question.”

“The sex mostly. Then there’s Reno and they love making fun of things together. Plus Axel is still full of puppy love for Roxas. Remember, he became monogamous for Roxas.”

“Babe, what were we talking about before the whole Akuroku thing took over the conversation?”

“I don’t remember,” Kairi laughed. “…Right, Zexion walloping Demyx’s bean.”

“That sounds like a sex act.”

“Just a violent one.”

“Okay Squallykins,” Yuffie snapped. Clearly she wasn’t talking to Kairi, but the surfer’s tone startled her anyway. “I’ll be there in a moment, just let me finish talking to my girl.”

“You’ve gotta go?” Kairi asked softly.

“Yeah,” Yuffie sighed. “I mean, sure, I’ll have fun when I’m out on the beach again, but I’ll miss talking to you. You need to come with me before you have to go back to law school. When you’re there I never see you.”

“Never’s a bit strong of a word, but yes, I will be going with you to the Islands in August. Lazy relaxation and all that.”

“I love you. No, not you, Squallykins, although I’m very fond of you too.”

“I love you too, Yuf,” Kairi grinned. “Now I’m going to hang up so Leon stops freaking out. Can’t wait to see you home again.”

“Bye babe.”

“Bye Yuf.”

Kairi rubbed her eyes after she hung up. She was sick of having to do most of her conversing with Yuffie on the phone. That had to change.

‘Otherwise I’m going to go bonkers,’ Kairi thought.

She got up to her feet. “Yunie,” she called. “We’re going for a walk.”

Going for a walk with Yuna took almost no preparation. All Kairi needed to grab were her shoes, a bag in case Yuna needed to use the great outdoors as a commode, and Yuna’s leash. Adding Yuffie to the mix tended to triple the prep time for getting out the door, but Kairi could never tell if that was her fault or Yuffie’s.

While Twilight Town boasted of many large and glorious parks, the one across the street from Kairi’s apartment was a middling sized one. There were a few sporadically placed trees, a baseball field that doubled as a soccer field, and a set of children’s climbing equipment. Not one of those gracious primary colored plastic monstrosities cities were so keen on putting into parks, but an old school wooden and metal one, with a metal slide painted red, monkey bars, and a climbing gym shaped like a buckyball. There were also three swings that Kairi liked to use with Yuffie in the evenings after the small children had gone home for the night. 

Since there were children on the equipment and in the field, Kairi decided to take Yuna for a stroll around the perimeter of the park. A simple walk, with ample stops for Yuna to sniff at trees and signs. Yuna circled one tree near the baseball diamond in hopes of finding French fries under it like they did the first time they visited the park. Since then, the bird was ever hopeful that she would find more treats under the tree Yuffie had dubbed the “French Fry Tree.”

“Can I pet your bird?” a little girl in a tee ball uniform asked.

Kairi knelt down next to Yuna and stroked her crown feathers. “Alright,” she said after she was certain the chocobo was calm. “But be gentle and let her sniff you first.”

The girl brushed her bangs out of her eyes then reached for Yuna. As she petted the bird’s beak the ring of grass she had twined around her finger broke on the tip of the beak. The girl looked unhappy at the loss of her jewelry, but Kairi offered her one of Yuna’s feathers and that brightened her face. She ran the feather through her fingers several times before sticking it through one of the built in holes in the baseball cap.

“Xion!” the coach in the corresponding team colors yelled, causing the girl to swivel her head. “Come back here!”

“Bye-bye,” she said softly, waving her fingers. Kairi waved back. Then she ran back to the baseball diamond.

“You handled that rather well,” a man said, causing Kairi to twist around.

“Children like chocobos,” she said defensively, feeling foolish for sounding defensive. “You learn how to deal with them.”

He leaned back on the park bench hold his hands up in a surrender pose. “I mean no disrespect, miss,” he said in his British accent.

It was at that moment Kairi’s jaw dropped. She recognized that silly greased back blonde hair and goatee. While he was dressed differently, jeans and a blue turtleneck instead of a Victorian gentlemen’s suit, he was still the same man she saw singing and dancing last night.

“You’re the Master!” she yelped, blanking on his actual name.

“While I will answer to that name, especially when uttered by a pretty girl like you, most people tend to call me Luxord,” he said smirking. “I take it you have seen my show.”

“Last night,” Kairi said, blushing. “I’m so sorry, of course you aren’t really the Master, but you were so good at it and when I saw you here I blanked on your actual name.”

“I’m so glad you liked my performance, my dear,” Luxord said, kissing Kairi’s hand.

“Your first musical number had to be my favorite part of the entire show,” she said, sitting down next to him on the bench.

“Even better then the dancing Daleks?”

“Surprisingly, yes. It was very reminiscent of the Simms Master’s dance number in Last of the Time Lords.”

“You flatter me. The similarity makes sense because we added ‘I Can’t Decide’ after seeing John Simms’ performance. That was my choice after I accepted the role of the Master. Now it’s always a crowd favorite.”

Kairi couldn’t help but laugh. “I can’t believe I ran into you in my favorite park.”

“Fate brought us together again just so we could talk. I feel rather ashamed I didn’t notice you in the theater last night.”

“Well Sora, one of my companions, garnered most of the attention last night when he fell into the orchestra pit.”

Luxord laughed when he heard that. “I remember that. I remember that moment and nearly started laughing. Is Sora your boyfriend?”

“No, he’s married to someone who wasn’t there,” Kairi said smiling as she thought about her best friend. 

Another thought crossed her mind when she realized the situation. She was sitting next to an actor she had just been gushing and blushing over on a park bench. He had his arm along the back of the bench behind her and was leaning in a bit, but not close enough to be creepy. Luxord had also kissed her hand and had indirectly asked her about her relationship status.

‘By Ifrit, he’s hitting on me,’ she almost laughed.

It had been a while since a man had last hit on her. Too much time at Tifa’s—where everyone knew about Yuffie—and the local gay hot spots. Still, Kairi was pretty certain she remembered how to diffuse the situation.

“But Sora wouldn’t have even been there to fall in the pit if my girlfriend hadn’t had work. She was really bummed she missed your duel with Paul McGann,” Kairi continued. A little white lie never hurt anything, especially since she knew Yuffie really would have regretted missing the duel if she had known about it. The part where Luxord swung down to the stage from a balcony via chandelier was amazing.

“That was the best part of practice,” Luxord agreed, stroking his beard. “I perfected my Tarzan yell because of it. Nearly brought Paul to tears because I just wouldn’t shut up.”

Kairi had to laugh.

“So what sort of work forced your girlfriend to miss my magnificent performance?”

“She’s a pro surfer.”

“A lesbian pro surfer…” Luxord pondered, fiddling with one of his piercings. “I bet there aren’t too many of those. Though it is surprising just how many gay athletes there are.”

“Half of the blitzball players out there are gay.”

“I believe the Coliseum’s current line up is completely gay. It’s also the strongest team they’ve had in years. I believe they’ll take the cup for the third time in a row.”

“Mmm hmm,” Kairi nodded.

“Well, it’s a shame you’re taken and gay,” Luxord said. “You are gay and not simply bi, aren’t you?”

“Definitely gay and in love,” she said.

“Just a shame really,” he sighed, shaking his head. “You have the best set of legs I have seen in ages. I wish I could take you out for a drink.”

“You still could,” Kairi said thoughtfully. “Are you by any chance a breast man?”

“Why yes I am.”

“Then I know the bar for you,” she said, snapping her fingers. “A good friend of mine runs a great bar and I know she would love to spend the night flirting with you.”

“Then shall we?” Luxord asked. He stood and offered her his hand. “Do you need to drop your bird off somewhere?”

She shook her head. “Tifa has a room Yunie can stay in.”

“Then let us depart at once.”

So arm in arm, Kairi and Luxord skipped off to the pub for a nightcap, even if it was still the middle of the afternoon. They were probably going to spend all evening there and she had a feeling Luxord was going to get rip roaring drunk. If nothing else, Kairi couldn’t wait to tell Yuffie about her experience with the Master.


	26. Archenemies Unite

“I’m so bored,” Yuffie whined.

“You’re always bored,” Leon said, not looking up from his book. “Play with your 3DS or read a book. If you really have to, call Kairi.”

“She’s in class. I can’t bother her if she’s in class.”

“I don’t particularly care what you do. Just stop bugging me.”

Yuffie just huffed and glared at her salted nuts. For some reason airliners always gave out lightly salted peanuts. Occasionally the peanuts would be in a little silver packet of trail mix, but they usually came plain. She was sick of nuts. She was sick of her seat. She was sick of being thousands of feet off the ground. Most of all, she was sick of being sick.

“I gotta…” Yuffie moaned before clapping a hand over her mouth and leaped out of her seat. This was her fourth trip to the bathroom and she had already used up both her and Leon’s airsickness bags. The flight attendants long ago stopped telling her to stay in her seat. Remarkably, vomiting into a half full pitcher of orange juice has that effect.

“Feel better?” Leon asked after Yuffie returned to her seat.

She shook her head. “I just want off this plane,” she whispered. “Why do we have to travel by plane?”

“Because traveling by ship is even worse on your stomach and it takes longer. Now buckle up. We’re due to land in a few minutes.”

Yuffie did as she was told, but she wasn’t happy about it. At least they were able to land before she was sick again. She was off the plane as soon as she possibly could. Leon could barely keep up. She took a deep breath of the stale airport air and sighed in relief. The ground was very firm and solid.

“Where to now?” she asked.

“You’re awfully chipper considering the fact you were puking your guts out a few minutes ago,” Leon growled. “Get our bags and your boards.”

They walked out of the airport into a hot, arid plain that was the Pride Lands. The Pride Lands stretched on for many miles in various directions, and this little town known as Pride Rock sat atop a cliff surveying the rest of the plains. On the flip side, the back of the cliff front quickly sloped down to the Indian Ocean and made an excellent venue for surfing.

This wasn’t Yuffie’s favorite place to surf, but it was her favorite surfing town. All the people were so nice and friendly and some of Yuffie’s best surfing buddies had Pride Rock for a hometown. 

“Kisaragi!” A young man in swim trunks yelled out and waved at her from across the street. The woman next to him also waved.

“Fuzzball! Nala!” Yuffie yelled back, shoving her bags into Leon’s already overloaded arms and running off to greet her friends. She slung her arms around both of the kids. “I see you have yet to grow a beard, Simba.”

“Cut it out Yuf,” Simba growled. “I can totally grow a beard.”

“You can’t babe,” Nala laughed. “But it’s great to see you again, Yuffie.”

“Is it already October?” Simba asked. “You only come here in October for the competition. How is it possible that a year has already passed by?”

“Leon had surgery, so that took up a good couple of months… ah, oh! I forgot to tell you guys about what happened to me right before the competition last year! I met my first ancestor!”

“Tell us more,” Nala said. “Better yet, tell us about it after we find Rafiki. He knows all about ancestor visits.”

“Okay, but the story isn’t that long,” Yuffie laughed. 

She was nearly bursting to tell the story of Sir Auron by the time they finally found Rafiki. Once she had finally found him she spilt her guts on her meeting with Auron and then moved on to everything else she had experienced since she had last had a conversation with the shaman. Simba and Nala listened quietly, but Rafiki occasionally asked questions, which Yuffie did her best to answer.

When she finally finished, Rafiki leaned back on his tree branch and stroked his beard. After some time elapsed he spoke. “The past returned to the present and then became past again. Clearly you have already learned the lesson you were supposed to learn, otherwise the past would still be present.”

Yuffie nodded, not completely certain she understood what Rafiki meant, but happy he hadn’t hit her over the head with his walking stick. He used to do that to Simba quite often when she first started visiting the Pride Lands. 

“Anything else you wanna say, Rafiki?” Nala asked.

Suddenly the shaman hit each youth over the head with his cane in quick succession. “Don’t think for a moment that any of you are too old or too bright to not still be taught a lesson,” he said, shaking his finger at them. He then smiled and shooed them away.

“His arm is just as strong as ever,” Yuffie said, rubbing the top of her head.

“That’s why I generally agree with everything he says,” Nala said. “The only time I ever get hit is when I’m with this idiot who’ll argue with Rafiki until he gets so angry he starts hitting everyone over the head with the lesson cane.” She jerked her thumb at Simba. “I think he must have brain damage from being hit too many times, otherwise you’d think he would have learned to stop arguing with Rafiki. Or at least how to dodge.”

“Did you hear that, Yuffie?” Simba demanded. “She’s blaming this on me! She always blames everything on me! It’s just like her to sink her fangs in and rip me to shreds—Owww!”

Simba’s rant was abruptly cut short by Nala whacking the back of his head. Yuffie suppressed a snicker. They always argued like this and the fact they were supposed to be adults had yet to change that.

“Will you two quit fighting or get a room?” Yuffie asked after Simba’s failed attempt to noogie Nala landed him in a chokehold.

“We’re not a couple,” Simba snapped when Nala released him. As he brushed himself off he added. “Besides, I’d never date a girl who beat me up everyday.”

“Yuffie, are you still with Kerri?” Nala asked, attempting to change the subject.

“Kairi yes,” Yuffie said, nodding. “If you’re not seeing Simba, are you involved with anyone?”

“Not currently, but I have a few prospects in mind.”

“Who would you date?” Simba demanded.

“None of your business,” Nala snapped. “Anyway, aren’t you late for your lunch with Timon and Pumba?”

“Ah crap,” Simba said, clapping his hand to his head. “Seeing Yuffie made me completely forget.” He ran off, presumably to meet up with his friends.

“You like him,” Yuffie said.

“Yeah. Although I don’t know why. He’s an idiot.”

“Men take longer to mature. By the time he’s twenty-five he should have reached some level of maturity.”

“I don’t know if I can wait that long.”

Yuffie shrugged. “So tell him. I can tell he likes you.”

Nala shook her head. “You heard him. He doesn’t even like the idea of liking me. I’ll always be a bro.”

“Better than being a ho. Or you could be both, that could be cool.”

“I just wish he’d notice that I’m a girl,” Nala sighed. “I have to baby sit my cousins. I’ll see you later after you settle in? Maybe at the beach tomorrow?”

Yuffie nodded. “See you then, kiddo.”

***

“But I don’t want to play match maker, Kairi!” Yuffie snapped. “I don’t have the time or patience to hook two love struck teenagers together. And I’m not good at being subtle or solving disputes. It won’t work babe.”

The cat doll of Kairi this argument was directed at said nothing.

“And if they’re supposed to get together they’ll get together even without my help. So I’m not needed,” Yuffie continued. She turned to look at the Kairi cat doll. “But they’re just so damn stupid. Even Nala! Especially Nala because she won’t tell him how she feels. I mean, Simba’s at least got the excuse that she’d kick his ass if she didn’t like hearing he liked her.”

She paused to stare critically at the doll, who still refused to say anything.

“I’ve never understood this moping around suffering in silence shit. You like a person, you tell them. That’s what I did with you and look how that turned out! I never stressed about a crush and I never will. You haven’t either, right babe?”

She received no answer.

“Exactly, so that’s why I hate the fact I’ve got to help them settle this. Teenagers are so stupid… not that they’re still teenagers anymore, but they’re only barely not, so that doesn’t count. Why won’t you say something?”

The doll continued to sit on the edge of the bed doing nothing. With a sigh Yuffie picked up the toy and leaned against the wall. She hugged her Kairi cat doll tightly.

“I wish you were the real Kairi. Then I wouldn’t be having stupid arguments with myself.” She smiled at the doll. “Then I could be arguing with you.”

“Hey Yuffie,” Rikku said, knocking on the door. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, I’m just missing Kairi a bit,” Yuffie said. “Let’s go meet everyone else.”

So Yuffie grabbed her board and followed Rikku out of the house. When they made it to the beach they found Leon in conference with Rafiki as Simba and Nala milled about the beach. Since the ‘adults’ were busy, Yuffie went straight for the ocean.

In many ways the ocean near the Pride Lands was similar to that of Djose. Both were sheer cliff faces that the ocean crashed into rapidly and ferociously. However, unlike Djose, the Pride Lands rarely had stormy weather over their sea and even fewer lightening strikes, so the textures of the rocks and sand were much finer without any lumps of glass. An interconnecting set of caves had formed within the cliffs due to erosion, differing water levels due to climate change, and the complex set of currents. The caves were of varying sizes and stretched on for miles along the coast and under the savanna. While a person could find her way into the cave system in the plains, especially if she looked in a canyon, entries into the system were far more common along the cliffs. Some of the biggest and most attractive caverns were only accessible from the water by SCUBA.

As Yuffie understood it, a long time ago youths from Pride Lands would swim down through some of the underwater tunnels and into the caverns. Once there they would retrieve a few of the most unusual looking rocks and bring them back to the village elders. It was a test of endurance and merit that was put to a halt after the turn of the last century due to the high rate of deaths. Rafiki was the last man alive that remembered the dives, although Yuffie didn’t know if she believed he actually went on one. He was old, but not that old.

With all that in mind, Yuffie wasn’t surprised to see cave openings along the cliffs. During last year’s competition—the Pride Lands’ Surfing Marathon was an attempt to travel by surfboard along the entire length of the cliff face. Often participants found themselves paddling along using their boards as a flotation device when the waves refused to help—Yuffie had slept in one or two of the caves. What did surprise her was that she caught sight of something bright orange and plastic peeking out of a cave mouth.

Being of an inquisitive mind, and since the waves were terrible, Yuffie decided to investigate. She paddled over to the cave and hauled her board onto the rocks. The orange thing was actually a plastic cooler. She grabbed the cooler and unzipped it. Inside there were packets of meat and cheese. Nothing too special.

When she felt the hand on her shoulder, Yuffie automatically struck out. She hit stomach and immediately regretted her actions. This was probably just some poor schmuck who wanted to have a picnic in the caves and here she went punching him in the gut. She turned around to apologize, but stopped as soon as she saw who it was.

“Seifer? What the fuck are you doing here?” Yuffie demanded.

“It’s nice to see you too, Yuffie,” he said, smirking. Apparently he had recovered enough to be a jerk again.

“Nice? The last time I saw you, you were shouting that you were going to kill me as they dragged you off. The time before that you tried to beat me to death!” Yuffie yelled, getting angrier as she thought about her previous experiences with the man. “Seeing you is never nice.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” Seifer said.

“You’re a homicidal maniac!”

“I’ve gotten better. While I was in prison I was in mandatory anger management classes for the full three years. I’ve learned to control my rage and I’ve learned to let go of my resentment toward you for everything you’ve done to me.”

“I’ve done to you? What about what you’ve done to me?”

“You stole my woman and sent me to jail for three years.”

“And I repeat, after you tried to beat me to death!”

“Listen, Yuffie, I’m sorry for what I did to you, but that’s in the past now,” Seifer said, clearing his throat. “You asked me what I was doing in the Pride Lands and I’ll tell you. I’m a bounty hunter now, because as a convicted felon I can’t do my old job, and I need your help catching a criminal.”

“I wouldn’t help you even if it was jumping off a building!” Yuffie screamed. “Why would I help you catch a criminal, when that could put me in the way of bodily harm?”

“Because if you don’t I’ll run out of money, have to return to Japan, and we’d probably end up seeing a lot of each other,” Seifer said. “Besides, we were once friends.”

“For like two seconds.”

“Do you want me sleeping on your couch?”

“By Leviathan no.”

“Then help me catch Scar del Leon.”

“Scar del Leon? Wait a minute isn’t he the guy who killed Mufasa, Simba’s dad?” Yuffie asked. “He’s crazy and you want me to go after him?”

“His bounty is due to the fact he’s started a Neo-Nazi group here in these caves somewhere and he’s considered a terrorist. We need to take him out.”

“Shouldn’t you get a local to help you? You know, someone who has more than a vague understanding of the cave system? Two people can’t take on a Nazi cult anyway.”

“I accidently insulted the old man with a stick my first day here and now whenever I go near the village he hits me on the head until I go away, so I can’t talk to anyone about being my guide.”

“And you haven’t broken his stick or beaten him up for hitting you?” Yuffie asked incredulously.

“As I said, I’m a changed man.” Seifer shrugged. “I save my anger for the criminals I capture. As for the other problem, I won’t be the only two going after him, I have associates.”

“Oh, well that’s a relief,” Yuffie said sarcastically. 

“Come on, let’s go,” Seifer said. “If we stay here any longer Scar might find us, which would not be good.”

Yuffie couldn’t argue with that. Normally it would have been against her better judgment, but considering the circumstances, Yuffie followed Seifer. They ended up in a small cavern; the entrance to which had been completely camouflaged. The inside of the cave looked a bit like army barracks and there were many monitors on one wall. Two people pointed guns at them when Yuffie entered. She recognized one of them.

“Oh hell no,” Yuffie snapped. “Gippal’s here? Why is Gippal here?”

“Do I know you?” Gippal asked.

“Yeah, I’m Two-K’s best friend, the girl you used to date before she dumped your ass for cheating. Seifer, why is Gippal on your team?”

“He’s a good techie. Then Fuu over there is the muscle.”

The woman just nodded at Yuffie. Yuffie tried to smile in return, but she couldn’t muster it. Instead she turned to glare at Seifer again.

“You think three people are going to take down an organization?”

“I think four people are going to,” Seifer corrected. “You have amazing stealth. After all, you’re the Great Ninja Thief Yuffie.”

For once Yuffie found her epithet to be a burden.

***

‘I can’t believe I’m doing this,’ Yuffie thought grumpily. ‘If Kairi ever finds out about this she’ll kill me.’ She shifted a little so that she could get a better view. ‘The worst part about this is that I’m putting myself in danger for Seifer of all people. Damn him for calling on my honor, that was a dirty move.’

“Do you have a visual?”

Yuffie nearly screeched and clawed at her ear. Whoever just tried to blow out her eardrum with that goddamned piece of technology Gippal shoved in her ear was gonna get it. The thing was mostly good for static and she wouldn’t be surprised if it gave her a shock or three before she could pull it out.

“Yuffie, what’s your position?” She was fairly certain that was Seifer. “Do you see Scar?”

“Yeah, the bastard’s down there with all his culties acting as his lap dogs.”

“CULTIES?” Fuu asked.

“Oh cultlings? Obsessed toady followers? I don’t know what to call them,” Yuffie said. Since joining Seifer’s merry band of men she had gotten used to Fuu’s poor conversation skills. Being foreign with a bunch of other foreigners in a completely different foreign country tended to cause these sorts of problems. Yuffie kinda thought she might be Swiss. Or Swedish. One of those northern countries with snow. “Ooo, I know, they’re jackals.”

“They’re hyenas,” Seifer said grimly. “Which means they’re cats that hunt in packs. Dangerous.”

“Seriously? I thought hyenas were dogs. They look so doggy.”

“CATS.”

“I don’t care what the fuck they are,” snapped Gippal, causing more feedback on the com. “I just want them subdued. Yuffie, have you set up the camera yet?”

“Yeah yeah, I stuck it on the ceiling near the lighting system with the duct tape just like you told me to twenty times.”

“Did you turn it on?”

“Course I did,” she said, quickly leaning out to grope for a switch. “Maybe you’ve got the wrong channel.”

“Of course I don’t!”

“Stop whining and rescan for the channel,” Seifer ordered.

From Gippal’s silence Yuffie figured he was doing what he was told. She resisted the urge to cackle, instead she settled for a big smirk as she flicked the camera to life. While doing so she lost the lens cap. The piece of plastic fell one hundred feet or so and landed squarely on the head of a particularly stupid looking hyena disciple, knocking him out. Yuffie couldn’t believe that of all things was her good luck on this adventure.

“They’re working,” Gipple said. “I can see Scar del Leon.”

“Duh,” Yuffie said, I can see him too. I can probably hear him better too.”

“If you’re still clinging to the ceiling, creep back to the ledge,” Seifer said. “You can’t let anyone spot you.”

“Like anyone’s going to look at the ceiling of a dingy old cave when Scar’s blathering on about genocide?” Yuffie asked. Still, she crawled back to the ledge. “How long do his speeches usually last?”

The response was unanimous. “Hours!”

She sighed and began crawling down the back tunnel to get out of sight. A few moments later Yuffie dropped down next to Seifer and tapped him on the shoulder. This startled him so much he swore.

“What the hell, Yuffie?” he hissed. “Don’t sneak up on me.”

“You want me to sneak, so I sneak,” Yuffie said. “What are we supposed to do now?”

“We wait until Scar’s alone then nab him.”

“What if that never happens?”

“Then you two and Fuu swoop in and yank him out in front of the whole cult,” Gippal said.

“That’s Plan B?” Yuffie asked, horrified. “That’s a terrible Plan B.”

“Fuu is supposed to act as a diversion with large explosives. That gives us enough time to grab Scar,” Seifer explained. “If everything goes right, no one will actually see us take him in either plan.”

‘Plans never go right, at least not ones I didn’t come up with,’ Yuffie thought shaking her head. In any case her disapproval didn’t matter, she had no better alternative, so she had to wait like everyone else.

Waiting was the hard part. Sure, the actual mechanics of a kidnapping were physically difficult and there was great risk to life and limb, but Yuffie could handle that. What she couldn’t handle was the wait. Even after years of meditation training she had yet to learn patience, at least not unless she was interested in the subject. Sitting doing nothing only reminded Yuffie of the energy coursing through her veins and any cramps or rocks bothering her. 

Since she was stuck with Seifer she decided to talk to the bugger. Yuffie sidled up to the man and then poked his shoulder. When she had his attention she asked him about the only thing they had in common these days: Rinoa.

“Haven’t seen her since my arrest,” he said. “I’ve realized that she’s bad news. That’s true for the both of us, although she’s always been less of a concern for you than she was to me. You had the good sign to get out at the first sign of trouble and I didn’t. Now we’re divorced, I got rid of her.”

“Good for you,” Yuffie said in surprise. “You were so possessive of her.”

“I hear she’s gotten knocked up once or twice since then. Good guy, although he must be a schmuck to be hooking up with Rinoa.”

“We both hooked up with her.”

“Did I ever say we weren’t schmucks?” Seifer asked. “At least you had the good sense to get out at the first sign of trouble. I wasn’t that smart.”

“You were in love with her when our shit went down,” Yuffie said softly. “I was only starting to fall for her, so it was easier for me to get out of the mess and even then I didn’t totally make it out in one piece.”

“There is once piece of good news though.”

“Oh?”

“Rinoa’s gotten as fat as a cow.”

Yuffie laughed out loud. It was an entirely inappropriate time, but she couldn’t help it. The image of the sleek smooth Rinoa as bloated as a balloon tickled her sensibilities. Seifer clamped his hand over the ninja’s mouth to stifle the noise. She nearly bit down on the hand, but she found herself still feeling too comfortable, too safe, to do that to Seifer now. She was able to quiet down quickly enough that none of the cult members noticed.

When Seifer pulled his hand away Yuffie noticed a grin on his face too. Clearly he also enjoyed Rinoa’s current state of affairs. They both watched Scar lecturing to his disciples for a moment before continuing their conversation.

“How are you and Kairi—that’s her name, right? Kairi?—doing? Stable and all that.”

“We’re like this,” Yuffie said, holding up two fingers that were crossed. “Our anniversary’s in a month and a half.”

“How many years?”

“It’ll be five.”

Seifer gave a low whistle. “That’s about twice the length of my marriage. You’re still in love?”

“More in love with her every time I see her,” she said. “And I will gut you if you even think of harming her again.”

“I can take you in a fight.” He smirked. “Proved it last time.”

“I’ll get after you on my terms. It’ll be a stealth attack and it’ll be damn painful. You will completely regret it.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You involved with anyone?”

He shook his head. “Just hookers.”

“Seriously? Hookers?”

“It’s a clean business transaction. I get sex, they get payment and there are no illusions about what’s really going on. I’m too fucked up to actually get involved in a real relationship.”

“Ah.”

“Look,” Seifer said, sitting up. “Some of the kids are leaving. I think this is our best chance, he’s never alone and rarely has less than five converts surrounding him.”

Yuffie leaned in for a better look. “How do we do this?”

“Fuu,” Seifer hissed to his earpiece. “It’s show time. I want the planted fuses along two o’clock blown, then you come in from 5 o’clock so we can run in and grab Scar.” Seifer looked like he wanted to say more, but any chance to do so was cut off by an ear-shattering explosion.

‘Does she want the cave coming down on us?’ Yuffie wondered as she ran down the steps to the cavern floor.

Seifer was right behind her. She was supposed to get Scar’s attention by smacking him as hard as she could, thereby allowing Seifer to tackle him and carry the criminal away. She didn’t know how well Seifer could run while carrying a full-grown man, but that wasn’t her problem. She just had to make certain she could knock a full-grown man out in one hit. She knew she had the necessary force to incapacitate Scar; her problem was accuracy. Yuffie wasn’t certain she could hit Scar in the temple hard enough to knock him out while running at full speed without practice. She hadn’t gotten any practice.

‘No worrying about it now,’ Yuffie thought as she slammed her foot down on the rocky surface in order to push off and throw herself into the blow. 

The set up was beautiful. Yuffie did everything right so that during her final leap, one hundred and twenty pounds of ninja came hurtling toward Scar’s temple at a speed of twenty-three miles an hour—that would be thirty seven kilometers per hour in the metric system—which would equal a force of roughly five hundred fifty-two Newtons. If she hit him anywhere in the head, she would probably knock him out.

The only thing Yuffie had not accounted for was Scar himself. While Yuffie was in midflight, Scar turned and saw her. Most people would have frozen in shock, small flying ninjas are uncommon these day, but clearly Scar had his share of Asian female assassins because he tried to dive out of the way. He didn’t make it, but Yuffie lost her headshot. Instead, Yuffie’s torso collided with his, and her knee sunk firmly into his groin. They landed in a heap on the ground.

In her struggle to stand, Yuffie’s elbow smashed into Scar’s face. Luckily, that provided all the leverage she needed to regain her footing. She ran out of the back of the cave rubbing her elbow, which hurt a lot. There was a right way to elbow someone and what she had just done was not it. Her father would be so disappointed in her right now.

“What is with you and poking out eyes?” Seifer’s voice crackled in her ear. “I think you ruptured his eye just now.”

“That’s what he gets for attempting to flee justice,” Yuffie snapped. “Have you got him?”

“Yeah I—oh shit!”

“Seifer? Seifer! What happened?”

There was no reply.

Against her better judgment Yuffie turned around. Her part of the job was done. She could go back to Pride Rock and let Leon know she hadn’t drowned. Let Seifer stew in his own mess. This was not her problem. Those pesky morals of hers got in the way. Yuffie could not leave a man behind if she thought he was in danger.

“Seifer!” she yelled again, cursing the com.

Instead of finding the bounty hunter in the tunnel, she ran into the cult leader. Make that an enraged cult leader. When Scar saw her, he began running and from the look on his face Yuffie knew he wanted to strangle her. So she did the only sensible thing possible. She made a chopping block with her left arm, quickly followed by sinking her right into his gut. Scar doubled over. So with another elbow blow, this time executed correctly and to the back of the head, Scar went down.

She didn’t have time to check her handy work. Instead she burst into the great cavern to see Seifer fending off half a dozen hyenas. A roundhouse kick to the face of the nearest one announced her presence to the group. After a few more kicks and punches Yuffie found herself back to back with Seifer.

“I bet you were never expecting this to happen,” Seifer laughed.

“When we get done here I’m kicking your ass.”

“Fine.”

“And I’m taking half the reward money.”

“We’ll talk about that later,” Seifer said, dodging a hyena. For all their hatred and bigotry, none of the youths they had run into so far knew much about fighting. “Have you seen Scar?”

“I think I knocked him out in the tunnel. Not certain.”

“Then we need to get back there before reinforcements arrive.”

“We’re too late for that,” Yuffie said as a large group of hyenas appeared. These ones actually looked like they knew a thing or two about a fight. 

She crouched down, grabbed a rock, and lobbed it at the last hyena standing between them and the tunnel. Then the two ran for it. After a moment of surprise, the hyenas gave chase.

When they reached Scar, Seifer wanted to grab him, while Yuffie didn’t want to carry him with them. However, Seifer did have a good point. His reasoning was that they had gotten this far and they’d all go bust if they didn’t take Scar with them. The ninja didn’t want to ever do something like this again and they would if they didn’t bring Scar with them. So they scooped up the convict and ran.

Scar was heavy and he was dead weight. But he was worse than normal dead weight because he also stank something fierce. Apparently neo-Nazi cult leaders don’t need to bathe. At least he wasn’t struggling or threatening her.

“What the hell are we supposed to do?” Yuffie demanded. “The hyenas are catching up!”

“Gippal, if you’ve got an exit strategy, I’d like to hear it right now!” Seifer yelled.

“Take a right at the next fork then just keep going up,” Gippal said. “You’ll reach a cliff. Jump off it.”

“I’ve tried cliff diving, it does not go well!” Yuffie yelled. “We’ll all drown if we try to bring Scar!”

“NO,” Fuu said.

“Fuu’s got the boat right by, no problem,” the techie said.

“And what will keep the hyenas from following? Culties are willing to die for their leader, so they’ll just follow us off the cliff.”

“Have a little faith.”

“Gippal!”

“Trust him, Yuffie,” Seifer panted. “I do.”

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!’ She silently swore. ‘If she wasn’t already, Kairi is gonna kill me. Leon’s gonna kill me. Rikku’s gonna kill me. Hell, Aerith is going to kill me.’

She could see daylight. Sure there was still the artificial lighting from the electrical works the cult had installed in the caves, which had really ruined a lot of the natural beauty in this section of Pride Rock cave system, but it paled in comparison. As excited as she was for the outdoors, she was not looking forward to what she had to do next.

“Ready to jump?” Seifer asked.

“You can never tell anyone I did this,” Yuffie said. “And that goes for you idiots on the line too!”

Before she could think about it they had run out of ground. She was soaring head first toward the Indian Ocean. She heard a blast and a wave of heat shot the trio further from the ledge. Since she didn’t want Scar drowning her, she let go and gave him a little kick to get away from him. She didn’t need to worry about him; he had enough paunch he’d probably float.

She landed with a belly flop. It hurt so badly that she couldn’t move and sunk a few feet before regaining her senses. When she resurfaced Seifer was already on the boat assisting Fuu with a large metal pole with a hook on its end. They were trying to fish Scar out of the water, but his limp body was unwilling to allow the hook to bring him up.

Yuffie paddled over to the boat. She hoisted herself up the ladder, then lay down on the deck. Scar landed with a fishy plop next to her. He wasn’t breathing. Seifer gave him several good whacks to the chest before the cult leader spat up seawater and began breathing. Fuu turned him on his side and slapped some hand cuffs on him.

“SUCCESS,” she said.

“That we did partner,” Seifer said, grinning.

“What about the hyenas?” Yuffie asked.

“BOOM.”

“We blew up all the cave entrances and exits at once,” Seifer explained, pointing at the rock pile that now blocked their exit path. “Everyone is stuck inside the few large caverns that made up their base. We can get the locals to come dig them out as soon as we pick up Gippal and the rest of our gear.”

“You potentially destabilized the entire cavern system for Pride Rock in order to capture Scar del Leon? Rafiki is going to kill you. Hell, Leon’s gonna kill me for disappearing for three days! Do you have an explanation for him, Seifer?”

“HONOR,” Fuu said, nodding wisely.

Yuffie cocked her head. “Think he’d buy that?”

Seifer shrugged. “Only one way to find out. Besides, if that doesn’t work, just remind him you just helped squash a Nazi cult. That always works.”

***

“Kairi, I’m home!” Yuffie yelled as she barged into the apartment. “Guess what I brought!”

“Yuffie?” Kairi said, coming out of the bedroom. “What’s with the pumpkin?”

“Halloween’s next week and I thought we could carve it together. We could do bats or something.”

“I see. Do you have any idea why Leon called sounding worried and furious the other day? I couldn’t make out what he was saying, but he was definitely pissed at you.”

Yuffie laughed nervously. Leon stopped speaking to her yesterday after he had made certain she was okay. Apparently hunting Nazi cults was not a viable excuse for disappearing for five days after all. At least Rikku had been impressed by her accomplishments.

“Yuf?” Kairi asked, “Any idea?”

“Not really,” Yuffie said, exchanging the pumpkin for Yuna. The bird glared at the ninja. Obviously, Yuna didn’t believe her. “It was just a quiet normal competition, although I missed the deadline to sign up for the competition, so I didn’t actually participate this year. That was a bummer.”

“Then can you explain why you made the front page headlines?” Kairi asked, shoving a paper into Yuffie’s hands, which caused her to drop Yuna. The bird squawked in rage, but landed on the ground unharmed. “Cloud gave this to me this morning at work. He told me to take the day off.”

Yuffie bit her lip as she stared at the headline: ‘Local Surfer Foils Nazi Cult in Africa and Causes Earthquake’

“Got anything to say, Yuffie?”

“Technically, it wasn’t an earthquake.”

“No?”

“Gippal set off explosive charges that blew up some of the cave system and caused the disruption to the surrounding.”

“You didn’t cause the earthquake, Gippal did.”

Yuffie knew from Kairi’s tone of voice that it wasn’t the right answer, but she didn’t have a better one. So she just nodded.

“You guys drastically altered an entire ecosystem and could have killed yourselves and everyone at Pride Rock and all you have to say for yourself is that it’s Gippal’s fault?” Kairi screamed.

“Doesn’t anyone care I was fighting Nazis?” Yuffie whined. “And, I avenged Simba’s father at the same time.” She grinned then said, “I even got Simba to propose to Nala. During the quake when they thought they were going to die Simba told Nala he loved her and asked her to marry him. And she said yes. They’re getting married this spring.”

Kairi sighed, shook her head, and gave Yuffie ‘The Look.’ It was a harassed and flabbergast version of ‘The Look,’ but it was still ‘The Look.’ “Why did you do it in the first place? I know you’re crazy, but this was outright deadly.”

“I didn’t want Seifer coming back to Japan,” Yuffie said softly.

“Yuffie, we could have just gotten a restraining order if we thought he was going to be a problem. It’s much simpler and safer than what you did.”

“I didn’t think of that.”

“You never think of the simple answer,” Kairi said. “Okay. I can’t be mad, you did capture a pack of Nazis that were planning a terrorist attack. Just don’t ever do it again!”

Yuffie brightened. “I’m not in trouble?”

Kairi shrugged. “I can’t control you and I’m beginning to think it’s impossible to prevent you from doing stupid things. Instead I’m trying to focus on damage control. At least you didn’t get hurt this time.”

Yuffie’s smile faded. “That isn’t quite true.”

“What did you break?”

“Nothing! I just bruised my torso a bit so that now instead of wearing rainbows, I sorta look like one.” Yuffie lifted her shift to show Kairi, which caused the redhead to start laughing. “It’s not that funny.”

“I just wasn’t expecting that of all things,” Kairi snickered as she tried to control her chuckles. “You look like a tie-dye job gone wrong.”

“I know,” the surfer grinned. “So can we carve the pumpkin?”

“I’ll draw something on it,” Kairi said, picking up the pumpkin. “You start an apology letter to Leon. He spent the entire time worrying about you and you aren’t the least bit guilty about that.”

“I didn’t mean to worry him.”

“I know. Now go.”

“Yes ma’am,” Yuffie said saluting.

The girls quickly settled into their usual routine, working side by side at the kitchen counter. Yuna snuggled up to the toaster and watched as Kairi carefully sharpied the pumpkin’s skin. Yuffie got out a big knife and a couple of large spoons for her girlfriend before fetching paper and ink for her own work. Yuffie wouldn’t trade moments like these with Kairi for all the excitement in the world.


	27. Family and Mango Cobbler

“Okay, so I just finished ordering our tickets to Wutai online,” Yuffie said cheerfully. “The Old Man’s going to be so surprised to see us.”

“Wutai? When are we going to Wutai?” Kairi asked, looking up from her book.

“For Christmas, duh,” Yuffie said.

“Really?” Kairi asked. “Because I distinctly remember you agreeing to go home with me for Christmas. That’s why I bought tickets for us three months ago. When my Mom called the other day it was to confirm that the both of us are staying through the New Year’s celebration.”

“But… what about my Dad?” Yuffie asked. “This year everyone’s going home to their families and he’ll be left all alone in an empty dojo.”

The law student closed her book and set it aside. “This is why you come to me for a solution, babe,” she said, leaning on her fist. “Have you paid for the tickets yet or have you only filled out everything but not sent the order in yet?”

“I gave them my credit card number.”

Kairi sighed. “Give me the phone. Which company did you use?” 

“Cactuar Car Rentals.”

“Great.” Kairi could already feel the headache coming on. Cactuar Car Rentals’ Customer Service was pricklier than their mascot. Changing or canceling their order would take hours of work on her part. Still, she knew what she had to do; so Kairi called and as soon as she hit the button for Cactuar Customer Service she was promptly put on hold. Since she could already feel that this was going to take a while, Kairi asked Yuffie to order her father a bus ticket to Twilight Town.

“Why should I do that?” Yuffie asked. “He hates riding on buses.”

“You want to drive up to Wutai, pick him up, drive back to Twilight Town, then drive down to Besaid to catch a ferry to Destiny Islands?”

Yuffie shrugged. “It’s better than making him ride the bus.”

“I’m not going to Wutai just to pick up your father. You’ll have to drive there and back again without me.”

“Okay.”

“Then I won’t cancel your car order,” Kairi said, hanging up. “I’d better order him a ferry ticket too.”

***

“It was so nice of you to arrange this vacation to include me, daughter-san,” Godo said cheerfully.

“Technically, it was Yuffie’s idea,” Kairi said truthfully. “Then she was also the one to carry it out. All I did was tell her how to accomplish her goal.”

“Nonsense,” Godo said. “If she was behind it she would have mentioned something by now. No, she’s too busy throwing up.”

Kairi had to wince at that. She could see Yuffie hanging over the railing of the ferry. Despite taking anti-seasickness medication before boarding the ferry Yuffie had been sick the entire time. At least Godo was content to talk with Kairi the entire ride, but he had spent most of it disparaging Yuffie’s inability to develop sea legs.

“You know she’s a lot better at accomplishing things than you give her credit for,” she said. “And if nothing else, I’m very happy to have Yuffie in my life.”

Godo just shook his head. “You’re too good for her, Kairi, but at least this way I get a decent daughter. Yuffie tries her best, but somehow she seems to fall short.”

Kairi just bit the inside of her cheek at this. She had promised Yuffie she would be nice to Godo in exchange for Yuffie being on her best behavior with Kairi’s parents. Really though, the disparaging remarks were getting to her.

“I think I can see land,” Godo said. “Yuffie, come over here and take a look; I think I can see Destiny Islands!”

Yuffie shambled over to her family while keeping her head over the railing. Kairi thought it painful to watch, but Yuffie did want to please her father. Seasickness tended to make the surfer docile. Yuffie stopped when she reached Godo’s side, so Kairi grabbed her by the arm and pulled her girlfriend into the middle. After a moment Kairi began rubbing Yuffie’s back since it seemed to help the last time they traveled together.

“Can you see it, Yuffie?” Godo asked.

“Yes,” Yuffie croaked before setting her head on the rail.

“I can’t see it yet?” Kairi said. “I guess my eyesight isn’t that great.”

“I can see the boardwalk!” Yuffie said excitedly. “No, I’m sorry, that’s the docks. You guys tie the canoes up on the docks not the boardwalk.”

“Can you see any people?” Kairi asked. She was willing to indulge their excitement.

“I can see a few people, but I can’t make out any details yet,” Yuffie said.

“A fat sea cow and a wimpy hangdog,” Godo declared.

“A what?” Kairi could barely keep from laughing. When she said Yuffie frown frown though she had to ask, “What?”

“I think the old man is describing your parents,” Yuffie whispered.

You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Kairi hissed. “My mom is not fat.”

“Of course she’s not, babe,” Yuffie said soothingly. “But if she was in a fight with a walrus, I wouldn’t bet on the walrus.”

“Yuffie…” Kairi said.

“I’m not trying to be insulting, I swear,” Yuffie said. “It’s just your mom has left a very strong impression on me and it isn’t entirely good. I really hope you don’t turn into her.”

“Why would I turn into my mother?”

“People always turn into their mothers,” Yuffie said knowingly. She paused. “Or is it that people always marry their mothers?

Kairi started rubbing her forehead. She didn’t know where her girlfriend’s line of thinking was going, but she knew it would end in a very odd question and it was already giving her a headache.

“If we’re lesbians, does that still mean you’ll turn into my mother or will you turn into my father because I’m a girl?”

“I can promise you, Yuffie, I will never turn into your father,” Kairi said. ‘I can’t believe I’m having to say this.’

“Will you two quit yammering?” Godo asked. “The ferry should dock soon. We need to get our things. And get off.”

As it was easier to comply with grumpy old dojo masters than fight them, the girls went along with Godo’s demands. At least Kairi did so. Yuffie was sick once more when the captain suddenly twisted the boat jarring everyone onboard. Still, they didn’t have a lot of luggage, so Kairi was able to manage on her own.

When the travelers made it onto the docks they were greeted by Mr. and Mrs. Hart. Kairi was hugged and kissed within an inch of her life while Yuffie did absolutely nothing to help. When the law student was finally released her arms felt numb. Still Kairi smiled and exchanged pleasantries while she introduced Godo to her parents.

“Nice to meet you,” Mr. Hart said, offering a hand to Godo.

In response Godo just sneezed. He refused to say anything in greeting, which made the introductions a touch strained. When Kairi saw the kicked puppy look creep onto Yuffie’s face, she knew she had to break the tension.

“Dad, who else has arrived?” Kairi asked. It was a good distraction from Godo’s rudeness.

“Sora and Riku got here two days ago and Axel is due to arrive tomorrow morning,” Mr. Hart said.

“Is he bringing Roxas and Reno?” Yuffie asked.

“Who?” Mrs. Hart asked.

“Roxas, as you may recall, is Axel’s boyfriend,” Kairi said. “And Reno is Axel’s kid.”

“What? When did Axel reproduce?” Mrs. Hart demanded. She glared at Kairi. “Who could possibly consider him to be father material?”

Obviously, this was not the best subject to bring up, although Kairi hadn’t known that. “He found out a little over a year ago that he had a son named Reno,” she said carefully. “Since then Reno has been living with Axel and Roxas.”

“Why did no one tell me?”

“I thought you knew,” Kairi said. “Even if I did know you didn’t know, I would have thought it was Axel’s place to tell you about Reno, mom. Or maybe his dad should have told you he was now a grandpa. Axel must have told Uncle Red by now. By the way, is he coming?”

“Yes,” Mrs. Hart said distractedly. “I had no idea I was a great aunt.”

Mr. Hart touched his wife’s arm. “Shall we go home now, dear?”

***

“I still love your wallpaper,” Yuffie laughed, tracing one of the outlines. “Just a shame we have to move outta your room after one night. I still don’t get why we can’t keep it.”

“Because Uncle Red has a bad back and needs a place to sleep,” Kairi said as she adjusted the clean sheets on the bed.

“So we bunk him with the Old Man,” Yuffie said. “I’m certain they’d get a kick outta it. I doubt Godo’s had any bedfellows since my Mom died… Not that I think he’d sleep with your uncle like that.”

“I understand what you’re trying to say.”

“It’s just not right! I don’t want to sleep on the floor with Axel’s lot. Roxas is cool, but Axel’s Axel and Reno’s probably sick. Little kids always get sick during the holidays. I don’t want kiddie germs.”

“Don’t complain, Yuffie,” Kairi said. “I’m already extremely tense about this situation and about this close to biting off people’s heads.” She held her thumb and forefinger half an inch apart to demonstrate. “And unfortunately, you’re the safest person to bite the head off of.”

“What’s gotten you so grumpy?” Yuffie asked.

“My mother, your father, Axel’s inability to take responsibility, how awful dinner was last night, the fact we have to sleep on the floor. Do I need to list any more reasons?”

“No.” Yuffie squeezed Kairi’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s do something fun. Sora and Riku are already here, right? We should visit them, you love seeing them. Where are they staying?”

“Sora’s. Sephiroth doesn’t care how much he sees his brother, but Sora’s mom would break Riku’s legs if he kept her baby away from her. Sora’s a total momma’s boy.”

With a minimal amount of finagling the girls made it out of the house and down to Sora’s family residence in a matter of minutes. After a short round of conversation with the Harada family, Kairi, Yuffie, Sora, and Riku found themselves sitting on the porch sucking popsicles.

“How’s Christmas going?” Sora asked.

“I have my parents, my in-laws, and I’m about to get my extended family all staying under one roof,” Kairi said. “How do you think it’s going?”

“Technically, Godo isn’t your in-law,” Riku said thoughtfully. “You and Yuffie would have to get hitched for that to be true.”

“Why haven’t you guys done it yet anyway?” Sora asked.

Yuffie choked on her popsicle.

“No,” Kairi ordered. “Don’t you dare. Don’t even think of it.”

“But,” Yuffie said. She had a different expression on her face. Kairi could see her girlfriend wanted to ask a different question now.

“This is neither the time nor the place to even think about discussing marriage,” Kairi said. “If you even think about bringing it up now, like birdbrain just did—”

“Hey!” Sora interjected.

“—I’ll bite your head off because this is the worst possible time to even think about it and you’ll end up hurt. Then you’ll end up hurting me and then we’ll have fucked up Christmas for ourselves.”

“Strong language,” Riku said.

“I just know that high stress situations are a terrible time to even think of making life altering changes.” Kairi shook her head. “I’d rather not cause my entire life to self destruct because you thought you needed to do the honorable thing to make me happy.”

“So you’re happy now?” Yuffie asked.

“No, but it’s not your fault and there’s nothing you can do about it right now, babe,” Kairi sighed. “Just be yourself and I’ll be happy when we get home.”

“I can do that,” Yuffie said happily.

“There are times when I wish I had the same power in my relationship to veto subjects the way you do, Kairi,” Riku said.

“How have you guys been?” Kairi asked. She wanted to finish changing the subject. “Did you ever decide between photography and architecture, Riku?”

“I should hope so,” he said pleasantly. “I’m in the master’s program for architectural design now. As soon as I finish I’ll be building yuppie housing like the best of them.”

“You want to build yuppie housing?”

“Not really. I just plan to get a few years of experience doing whatever I can then I’ll start designing whatever I feel like.”

“I see.”

“I’m doing well too,” Sora added. “I finally figured out what I want to do with my life!”

“Oh Shiva,” Riku grumbled, slapping his forehead.

“What is it?” Yuffie asked.

“I’m going to be a teacher!” Sora exclaimed.

“A teacher,” Kairi said. “You’re going to be a teacher. You.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking kindergarten or early grade school,” Sora said. “I’m working on getting my substitute teaching license right now, but I’ll be starting school in the fall. I need to get a degree in education and a buncha other stuff first.”

“You don’t look too happy about this,” Kairi said quietly to Riku as Sora explained the finer details to Yuffie.

“Ever since I started my program this fall Sora’s been hell bent on figuring out what he wants to do with his life,” Riku said. “I don’t care what he picks, I’m just sick of him changing his mind every two weeks.”

“What’s he considered?”

“Nursing, professional dog groomer, accountant, police officer, lifeguard, restaurant owner, house wife, and fire fighting,” Riku said. “I think firefighter was my favorite of the bunch. He looked good in the hat and pants.”

“Why didn’t he stick with that?”

“Too scrawny. He’d need to gain another forty pounds or so of mass before he’d be on par with the other guys. Sora’s strong enough, he just doesn’t have the staying power.”

“Except for the fact he’d have to be in school all day, Sora would make a great teacher,” Kairi said, trying to make Riku smile. She got results, although it was a thin one. 

“That was my thought exactly,” Riku said. Something Sora said caught Riku’s attention. The older man turned and asked his husband to repeat his last statement.

“Wouldn’t it be neat if we could get pregnant, Riku?” Sora asked.

That was not where Kairi thought the other conversation was going.

“No Sora, morning sickness, and swollen everything, and you throwing shoes and or bottles of hair care products at me because I knocked you up does not sound like fun,” Riku said, shaking his head.

“What brought this up?” Kairi asked tentatively.

“We were talking about baby squids, which led to talking about Reeve and Reno, and then that brought up Sora’s other plan,” Yuffie said.

“Okay…”

“I know it sounds a little weird in summary, but if you heard the whole conversation it would make perfect sense,” the ninja said.

“I’ll take your word for it,” Kairi said. “If nothing else, Sora, teaching kindergarten for a bit would give you a better sense of whether you actually want to be a parent. It’s a full time responsibility and you had a nasty habit of accidently killing your fish when you were a kid.”

“But I took great care of my dog,” Sora protested.

“Only because I was there,” Riku said.

“Which is why it’s such a good thing you’re here now,” Sora said brightly. He sighed after seeing the look Kairi was giving him. “Listen guys, despite what you all may believe; I’m not an idiot.”

“I never—” Riku started, stopping at Sora’s raised hand.

“I know I’m not ready to be a dad, I’m only twenty-three and I’m an immature twenty-three-year-old, but I like to imagine what the future will bring. I am going to be a kick ass dad someday and I want to look forward to that event, not dread it.”

There were no arguments to that mini speech so there was silence again. Suddenly, Kairi realized that during the time she had spent with the boys Axel and company had probably arrived and settled in her house.

When they got home Kairi found her parents fawning over Reno. Uncle Red was doing the same, but at least he was a little more subtle about it. Kairi had to wince, as the maternal love her mother radiated was blinding. Even as she beamed at Kairi over the little boy’s head Kairi knew she was wondering why Reno couldn’t be her grandson instead of her great nephew.

“Isn’t he just adorable?” Mrs. Hart asked the moment Kairi was within hearing.

“Yeah, we’re both pretty fond of him,” Kairi said. “Have you seen his dad?”

“Dad’s gone,” Reno piped up. “He’s with his daddy and mommy.”

“Really?” Kairi said in surprise. She had forgotten that Roxas was “Dad” and Axel was “Papa.” ‘More importantly,’ she thought, ‘why wasn’t Roxas here?’

“If you’re looking for Axel, he’s in the attic,” Mr. Hart said. 

“Thanks Dad.” With that Kairi ran up the stairs to see what was going on. Axel had to be in a terrible mood if Roxas wasn’t here and she didn’t need any distractions. Besides, leaving Reno with a familiar face and Yuffie with an ally was a good idea.

At first she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Axel was curled up in a corner of the attic under a thick blanket. While it might be cold by her standards—growing up on a tropical island made anything less than a hot blazing sun cold—Axel was sweating enough that he looked like a half drowned hedgehog. She couldn’t understand why he was purposely making himself miserable. Well, it might have something to do with Roxas not being there, but she’d still like to know why he was doing this.

“Axel?” 

When she got no response Kairi decided to take matters into her own hand. Very carefully, she grabbed old of the blanket then ripped it off her cousin. While he yelped in annoyance at her actions, he physically already looked better; to her eye the excessive sweating had stopped.

“What do you want?” he grumbled.

“I’d like to know why you’re sitting here under a hot blanket in the dark while Roxas is elsewhere.”

“Gee, is there anything else you want to know?”

“Why you behave like an asshole when I’m worried about you would also be good.”

“Roxas went home to his folks.”

“Yeah, Reno told me.”

“He hasn’t told them.”

“Told them what?”

“About us!” Axel snapped. “Roxas hasn’t told his parents about us and we’ve been together for ages! By Ifrit, I’ve been to his house at least a dozen times since we got together and I always figured that he just didn’t want to be affectionate in front of his mom and dad. I mean, Roxas isn’t the most demonstrative guy in public at the best of times and I totally get him not wanting to fool around in front of his folks, but come on, he didn’t even tell them about us!”

“Maybe he’s waiting for the right time?” Kairi asked.

“He’s a fucking coward!” Axel spat. “And he knows I can’t bear to be without him, even when he pulls dick moves like this!” He was silent for a moment. ”…especially when he pulls dick moves like this.”

“So he went home to spend Christmas with his family this year and refused to bring you two with?” Kairi summarized. At Axel’s nod she said, “Then why don’t you make him jealous?”

“With who?”

“With yourself. Be your cheerful noisy over confident self. Play with your son, get on my nerves, and talk my girlfriend into going sledding on the roof with you. Then when you fall off the roof and break your leg you can put together a photo album of the awesome family vacation and mail it to Roxas so that he can regret missing out.”

“How would he get jealous about me breaking my leg?”

“Roxas would be jealous of all the fun stuff you did, the broken leg would just make him worry about you.”

“And he’d rush to my side?” Axel asked eagerly.

“No, the broken leg is to actually make you sit down and compile a photo album. He’d be jealous of the fun stuff you did in the photos because his Christmases are always terrible.”

“Axel, you’ve known him most of your life, have you never asked him about his family winter vacations? The entire break is usually spent at his great grandfather’s house while his great uncles and aunts poke and prod at him. This all occurs while he has to wear traditional hand knitted sweaters that itch terribly, shrink in the wash, and usually feature a reindeer pattern. The only reason he goes home almost every year is to keep from disappointing his relatives”

“How do you know all this?” Axel asked, slightly amazed.

“Because unlike some people, I actually listen when he talks instead of fantasizing about shoving him against sinks and ravishing him.”

“I tell you about a fantasy once! Once! And you never let me live it down!”

“Good, now channel that anger into something productive.”

“I think the most productive thing I can do is beat you up!”

That was how Kairi found herself getting chased out of her attic by a demented hedgehog who was commonly considered family. To escape the punishment for being right she rolled behind the couch and ducked just out of Axel’s grasp. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the best choice of safe havens because she was now trapped.

“Yuffie, help!” Kairi yelled, trying not to laugh. “Axel’s gone crazy because I’m always right!”

Yuffie slid into the room, barely assessed the situation, and tackled Axel. They landed with a crash destroying the coffee table. Kairi’s jaw dropped. Then she stood up and walked over to the newly made mess.

“I hope you’re happy now,” Axel said calmly.

“I think it might have been better if the two of you landed on the couch,” she said. “You broke my mom’s table.”

“That isn’t good,” Yuffie said, climbing off Axel. She stood up and dusted her shorts off. “Think she’ll notice?”

“Of course she’ll notice, you fool!” Godo shouted, walking into the room. “You just destroyed the room’s feng shui!” As he continued to complain about Yuffie’s wanton destruction of ascetics, the other came into the room.

“Is Papa in trouble?” Reno asked.

“All three of them are in trouble,” Uncle Red said, picking up his grandson. “Yuffie and Papa for making the mess, and Kairi for starting it.”

“Really?” Reno asked. “Are they going to get timeouts?”

“That’s up to Kairi’s mommy to decide,” Uncle Red said.

“Look at the mess you three made!” Mrs. Hart screeched.

Kairi looked and nodded. Frankly, it wasn’t half as bad as any of the messes Yuffie made out of their shared apartment on a regular basis. Nor was it as bad as any of the messes Axel and Yuffie had created through combined effort previously. Still, Kairi had a feeling her mother did not want to hear that.

“You three are going to clean it up! And… and none of you get dessert!”

That statement made all three of them groan. Despite her various flaws, Mrs. Hart was an amazing cook. All three of them had been waiting patiently for dessert. Last night Yuffie had even dreamt of Mrs. Hart’s mango cobbler. The fact it was trying to eat her in the dream didn’t really matter, Kairi knew that if the dream had continued, her girlfriend would have eaten the cobbler from the inside out.

After they finished cleaning, which didn’t take very long anyway, the three young adults found themselves sitting out on the front porch. Yuffie had a grin on her face, while Axel attempted to remove a few splinter from his face. Kairi couldn’t possibly understand why Yuffie was grinning, so she had to ask.

“I’m dating a bad girl,” Yuffie said, still grinning.

“I’m not bad,” Kairi said, feeling a touch offended.

“You broke furniture and caused a small riot. That sounds bad to be.”

“Oh, shut up!”

Yuffie just laughed. Kairi knocked their shoulders together lightly in an attempt to make Yuffie shut up, but it had no effect. Instead it earned Kairi a kiss on her cheek and an arm around her shoulders. They just sat there for a while with Yuffie chuckling softly. Eventually, Kairi found herself smiling too.

***

Dinner that evening was a rather terse affair. Mrs. Hart was still furious with half her guests and that put a pallor over the entire evening. Luckily, by the next evening when Sora’s family and the Jenova brothers came to break bread with them, full dinner privileges had been restored to all.

It was true that with the influx of more people all the young adults had to sit at the “kiddie table” with Reno, but that was alright. It was easier for Kairi and company to talk and laugh without authority figures around. The only problem with this situation was that Reno had to occasionally ask for word clarifications on terms he should not know.

By the time the house’s population had dwindled to only Harts (and a couple of Kisaragis) Mrs. Hart was beaming and Reno asleep. Fearing that they might somehow incur her mother’s wrath, Kairi sent all the “kids” to bed.

The law student grinned as she laid down on the lumpy oversized futon. She had a lot of memories of sleeping on the porch with Riku ad Sora as they tried to scare each other to death with ghost stories. Or sleepovers with Selphie consisting of messing around with make up and nail polish as they listened to dramatized Jane Austin readings. While she didn’t have any memories of sleeping on the porch at this time of year, Kairi knew it would be fine, since the temperature rarely fluctuated. Besides, there were blankets if she got cold.

Yuffie on the other hand, wore as little as possible, considering they were sleeping in full view of the street. She didn’t want anyone or anything touching her unless they were made of ice. She looked a little pathetic, like an overheated hound, so Kairi decided to forgo teasing her for not wanting to cuddle.

Just as she was about to fall asleep Kairi heard Yuffie mutter something.

“What?” Kairi asked

“Do you think Santa will come for Reno tonight?” Yuffie asked, yawning.

“I’m certain that if Axel didn’t make certain Santa would show, my mom would,” Kairi said. “Now go to sleep or ‘He’ won’t come.”

“Love you, babe.”

“Love you too, Yuf.”

Kairi woke up some time later with a bladder fit to burst. Since she knew the layout best, she slept furthest from the house, which was a decision she now cursed. She stumbled over the three bodies, but did not crush anything and made it to the bathroom in time, which Kairi considered a win.

On her way back to bed Kairi heard movement in the living room. Figuring her mother was playing Santa, she decided to go say hello. Instead she found a large fat man in a red coat with enough fur fringe to enrage any PETA member.

So like any sensible young woman confronting a Santa-burglar on Christmas Eve Kairi grabbed a log of kindling and hurled it at the burglar’s head. Without ever noticing Kairi’s presence, the burglar slumped down and hit the ground.

Seeing that she had incapacitated the intruder, Kairi ran to wake up Yuffie. Once the ninja was up and understood the situation she tied the burglar to a chair. Now all they had to do was call the police. Kairi just didn’t know if they should drag him out of the house to keep from waking up the rest of the family.

“I think we should just call and let the police haul him out,” Yuffie said. “No need to hurt our backs or potentially compromise ourselves.”

“Don’t call the police,” the Santa Burglar said.

“I know I’ll regret asking this, but why not?” Kairi asked.

“I’m Santa,” he said.

“Which explains the coat and cap.”

“Yes. Now if you girls will untie me, I’ll be on my way. I still have over a billion people to visit.”

“Ha!” Yuffie laughed. “I doubt there are even a billion Christians in the world! No way Santa would visit that many people.”

“Not everyone who believes in Santa is Christian, Yuffie,” he said. “Your family is a prime example.”

Yuffie’s eyes narrowed. “No one told you my name.”

“You are Yuffie Kisaragi and you believed in me until you were twenty years old,” he said. He nodded at Kairi. “And you, Kairi Hart, stopped believing in me when you were thirteen.”

“What kind of stalker are you?” Yuffie demanded.

“If you’re really Santa, why are you here, why do we stop believing and do you have any proof?” Kairi said.

“I’m here to give Reno a child’s FBI kit. Sunglasses, children’s handcuffs, an orange tipped toy gun, and a flip-open badge in the kit. You stopped believing in me, Kairi, when Tidus told you Santa was really his mother. As for you, Yuffie, you stopped believing when you found out Kairi didn’t believe.”

Kairi glanced at her girlfriend. Yuffie’s jaw was clenched tightly and she looked furious enough that she could start crying at any moment.

“I ruined Santa for you?” she whispered.

“Do you have any proof?” Yuffie spat at their hostage.

“If you don’t believe everything I know makes me Santa, my reindeer are on the roof.”

The girls looked at each other. Kairi had always liked reindeer and had a deep-seated desire to ride one someday. So it was with great pain she told her excited girlfriend to check for deer instead. It didn’t matter if this guy—who probably was Santa because no one else should know half he did—was a fake because Kairi had killed a bit of Yuffie’s childhood. That gave Yuffie first dibs.

Less than a minute after she left, Yuffie came bursting into the living room. Her face was flushed with a big grin spread from ear to ear. She grabbed Kairi and half dragged—half ran her out the back door. Then she pointed wordlessly at the roof. Eight reindeer stood on the roof harnessed to an ornate sleigh. One of the deer in the front of the team rubbed his antlers against the dish on the roof.

Kairi forgot to breathe.

“Where’s Rudolph?” Yuffie asked. “Santa leave him at home because it was a clear night?”

A moment later they saw Santa emerge from the top of the chimney. He stepped onto the sleigh and waved at the girls. With a crack of the reins and a ‘Ho Ho Ho,’ he took off into the sky.

When they couldn’t see him anymore they went inside again. On the chair to which they had tied Santa they found a note. Kairi gingerly picked it up and read it silently.

_Dear Girls,_

_I do apologize for leaving without saying goodbye, but there is much to do before dawn. While many might say knocking Santa unconscious and tying him to a chair is naughty behavior, I understand why you did this. You were trying to protect your home, which is always good behavior._

_Make certain you both stay good this year and you might get something from me next Christmas._

_—Santa_

Kairi silently handed the note to Yuffie. ‘I sincerely hope this isn’t a dream,’ she thought, smiling at her girlfriend.

They went back to bed for a few hours until excited childish yelps woke them up. Reno was ecstatic for the Lego set his grandfather gave him and the Disney movie from Kairi’s parents. He loved the soccer ball Yuffie and Kairi gave him. While Axel only gave Reno candy, apparently he and Roxas had a tricycle waiting at home for Reno.

The gift that delighted Reno the most though was the children’s FBI kit. No one could figure out who the “Santa” was that gave Reno the kit, but in the end no one could decide. Kairi and Yuffie weren’t giving away the truth.

“What I don’t get is why Reno is so happy pretending to be a FBI agent,” Kairi said.

“His hero is Fox Molder,” Axel said.

“Isn’t he a little young for the X-files?”

“Nah, he, Roxy, and I all cuddle up together and make it into a family event. Roxas makes certain we don’t watch anything gory.”

“Huh,” Kairi mused.

“Who ate the last of my mango cobbler?” Mrs. Hart demanded. “There was half a pan left!”

“Wasn’t me!” Kairi and Axel yelled at once.

“Maybe Santa ate it,” Yuffie said thoughtfully. She held the piece of paper from last night.

“Honestly,” Mrs. Hart groused.

Kairi ignored her mother and took Yuffie out to the backyard. They sat down on a couple of lawn chairs and looked out at the paopu trees.

“Did you find out what happened to the cobbler?” Kairi asked, eyeing the letter.

“Santa wrote that he took the cobbler as compensation for our actions,” Yuffie said. She flipped the letter over. “It’s on the back. See?”

Kairi nodded after looking. She grinned at Yuffie, and said, “Hey Yuffie?”

“Yeah?”

“We met Santa Claus!”

“I know!” Yuffie laughed. “I can’t believe we met him. And he says he’ll visit us again if we’re good!”

“Guess that means I can’t be a bad girl.”

Yuffie just grinned. They kissed and cuddled together enjoying the new morning.

“Merry Christmas, babe,” Yuffie said.

“Merry Christmas, Yuf,” Kairi said.

With a sigh the girls returned inside. This was their family celebrating a holiday together for the first time. No one had been maimed and everyone was in good temper. In Kairi’s book that was better than a virgin birth. These were her thoughts as Kairi and Yuffie sat down to play cops and robbers with Reno.


	28. Tattoos and a Struggle Tournament

“Happy Leap Year Day!”

Kairi looked up from her book. “Yuffie, I don’t know where to begin with what’s wrong with that statement.” She returned to her book.

“And what exactly is wrong with that statement?” Yuffie asked, sliding down onto the couch next to her girlfriend.

“First off, no one celebrates the extra day in February during leap years by calling it Leap Year Day,” Kairi said, closing her book. “Also, this isn’t a leap year, which means that if you were thinking today was the 29th, it would actually be the 1st of March. However, it’s not even the 1st of March, because it’s actually still the 27th. So you’re a few days early to celebrate on the wrong year.”

“I…” Yuffie started, her mouth opening and shutting several times as she tried to formulate a decent response. “The Wii told me it was Leap Day!”

“That’s because you never reset its internal clock after the last power outage. If you had, you would know the actual date.”

“Aww, phooey, I bought a cake and everything.” 

“We can still eat the cake.”

“It’s not the same!” Yuffie said. “It says happy Leap Day and everything!”

“Are you suggesting we put it in the freezer for two years until the next leap year?”

“…No,” the ninja said, even though she did sort of want to do that.

“Why don’t you give it to Lulu if you aren’t that interested in it any more? She said she hasn’t seen you in a while. Take the cake and drop by her shop.”

“Are you telling me to get a tattoo?” Yuffie asked, grinning.

“I’m telling you to visit your cousin. Please don’t come back with a new tattoo.”

“So I can come back with an old tattoo.”

“Yuffie!”

With a little more bickering and teasing Yuffie found herself out of the apartment with a boxed cake in her hands. She caught a trolley over to the district with Lulu’s shop. Then with her usual athletic grace Yuffie made it into the shop without ringing the little bell above the door.

Yuffie found a shirtless man draped across a chair. Sitting behind him was Lulu holding a tattooing needle. She looked up and gave Yuffie a smile, and then returned her focus to the design she was working on.

”Good to see you, Yuffie,” Lulu said. “Have you finally decided on what you want?”

“Naw, just dropped by to give you a cake,” Yuffie said, hefting the bag. “What are you getting inked?”

“Twin struggle bats and some orbs spread out,” said the boy. “It’s a wicked tat and it’s in my team colors.”

“Are you certain you’re old enough to be getting a tattoo?” Yuffie asked. “You got his parent’s permission, Lulu.”

“I’m old enough,” snapped the boy, rising from the chair.

“Careful Hayner, you move too much and I might botch this,” Lulu said. “Yuffie, be polite, or don’t say anything at all.”

“Sorry, it’s just that Hayner here has a baby face.”

“I’m team captain of Dog Street,” Hayner said proudly. “We’re the best Struggle team in the city, although some idiots think otherwise.”

“And you’re getting the tattoo to prove you’re the best.”

“I’m getting it because it’s awesome,” Hayner said. “We prove our worth as a team in the ring. Lulu’s finishing up the tat for me so that I’ll be ready for the tournament next week. This year Dog Street is going to take the City Cup.”

“Good luck,” Yuffie said. ‘Who names a sports team Dog Street?’

“We don’t need it,” Hayner said confidently.

“I assume you’re going to be busy for a while yet?” Yuffie addressed her cousin.

Lulu nodded. “At least another hour.”

Then I’ll just stick this cake in your freezer and be on my way,” Yuffie said. “It was great seeing you, you’ll have to come over for dinner some time soon, alright?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Lulu said. “Make certain to tell Kairi about this before you forget.” 

Yuffie just nodded, properly stored the cake, and then left. After a moment she reentered the shop and marched straight back to Lulu. “I can’t leave yet, Kairi told me to hang out with you.”

“You always do what this ‘Kairi’ tells you?” Hayner asked.

Yuffie made a face. “Generally.”

Hayner laughed. “That sounds pretty pathetic. Why don’t you make up your own mind? That’s what an adult does.”

“Adults also listen to their significant others,” Lulu said. “At least the smart ones do.”

“Isn’t ‘Kairi’ a girl’s name?” Hayner asked.

“Yeah, I’m a lesbian, get over it,” Yuffie snapped. “You need to tell me what’s new with you, Lulu, we haven’t talked in ages.”

“Work mostly,” Lulu said. “Almost all of Hayner’s team has come in over the last three weeks for tattoos. That’s kept me busy.”

“It’s a team unity thing,” Hayner said. “Do you have any tattoos, Yuffie?”

“I can never decide what to get,” Yuffie said. 

“You should get struggle tat. Lulu’s got some great designs.”

“Struggle isn’t my sport. Plus Kairi said she didn’t want me coming home with any right now.”

“Kairi’s got you whipped, huh,” Hayner said. “I mean, sure I guess you should listen to her, but she sent you to a tattoo parlor and then told you not to get one? That seems a little silly. Maybe she secretly wants you to get one, but she doesn’t actually want to tell you to because she doesn’t want to make you feel like she’s controlling your life.”

“Hmm,” Yuffie mumbled. She had never thought of that. Tattoos were pretty amazing and Kairi did often say she wanted Yuffie to think for herself. Hayner’s words had merit.

“Yuffie,” Lulu said in a warning tone.

“No, but Lulu, the pipsqueak makes sense,” Yuffie said. “She totally sent me here and she knows I’ve always thought about getting a tattoo. Obviously, this is her way of telling me I should get one now. Especially since this isn’t a leap year!”

“What does leap year have to do with tattooing yourself?” Lulu asked.

“Totally!” Hayner said, sitting up again. “What are you thinking about? Where are you planning to get it? How big? I mean, as you can see, I’m getting my whole back done, which takes a while.”

“Something fairly small,” Yuffie said thoughtfully. “Probably not on my back either because if I’m paying to ink myself I want to be able to see it. I wonder what I should get?”

“Yuffie, I think Kairi suggested you visit because we’re family, not because she wanted you to permanently alter your skin,” Lulu said.

“No, she sent me to you because you’re the best tattoo artist around and because you’re family,” Yuffie insisted. “You’d do it right cause you’re trustworthy. Or are you saying that you refuse my business and I have to go somewhere else?”

Lulu set down the needle and rubbed her forehead. “How does Kairi put up with you? No, Yuffie, I will tattoo you because I know I will do it right. However, I reserve the right to veto the design if you picked out something idiotic.”

“Sure,” Yuffie said happily. “Hayner, help me look through this book. I want to pick out something perfect. Worst comes to worst, we’ll just have to draw it ourselves.”

“Right on,” Hayner said.

***

“What’s that bandage doing on your arm?” Kairi asked as she stuck the carton of milk back in the fridge.

“Oh this?” Yuffie said, shaking her left arm, “It’s nothing.”

“Really? Because I don’t remember you having that big white bandage on your shoulder when you left home today.”

“You know me,” Yuffie laughed. “I’m always getting into scrapes and things, it’s nothing.”

“That’s what worries me,” Kairi said. She scooped several ladles full of rotini into a second bowl. “Are you setting the table, or are we eating on the couch tonight?”

“Thought we’d use the table, I don’t think there’s anything good on tonight. I can take those,” Yuffie said, grabbing a pair of glasses. She carried them over to the table and set them across them from each other. “Do we want placemats?”

“They might be nice. They’d protect the table in case we spill. Get out the blue ones, the green are for company.”

“Right then.” Yuffie covered the table with the cloth squares. She placed two forks, a spoon, and a knife at both settings, although she didn’t see any point to the spoon or the second fork. Kairi carried the bowls of pasta over and then grabbed them a pair of plates. 

“The garlic bread will be done soon,” Kairi said, pushing the tablemats around. “Will you put it on a cutting board?”

“Which one?”

“Does it matter?”

Yuffie shrugged and grabbed the board with the chocobo print. She burned her fingertips on the bread when she pulled it out of the oven, but not badly enough to stop the ninja from carrying the food over to the table. She didn’t know if the bread needed to be cut, so she grabbed the bread knife. 

Kairi set down the heated pasta sauce. She removed the lid letting the steam rise. Several spoonfuls of red chunky sauce splashed over Kairi’s food before a couple of meatballs fell into the bowl. The redhead sat down and offered Yuffie the serving spoon. Yuffie copied her girlfriend’s actions before digging in. It was tasty, although Yuffie thought that about most of their meals. Perhaps it was the company instead of the quality of the food that Yuffie enjoyed.

“So,” Kairi began.

“What?” Yuffie asked. A bit of noodle fell from her mouth. She picked it up with her fingers and popped it back in her mouth.

“Are you going to tell me what’s under the bandage or do I have to pull it off?”

“That wouldn’t be a good idea, Lulu said to leave it on for at least another hour.”

“Lulu did?”

“Umm… yeah,” Yuffie said. Something about Kairi tone made Yuffie regret mentioning her cousin.

“And did Lulu say why you should leave the bandage on for another hour? If it was a wound you would need to leave it on for a couple of days.”

“Yeah, it’s not a wound. Well, technically I suppose it might be considered a wound, but really it isn’t.”

“Yuffie,” Kairi said, eyes narrowing. “Did you get a tattoo?”

Yuffie bit her lip. This was not the reaction she was expecting. The stared was rather intense, so she nodded instead of saying anything.

“Yuffie!”

“What? You know I’ve thought about getting a tattoo for ages now, so I decided to actually do it. Besides, you sent me to the shop! What else are you supposed to do in a tattoo parlor? Knit?”

“I don’t know, talk to your cousin. What did Lulu have to say?”

“She said she wouldn’t do it if I chose a stupid design.”

“I see. And what non stupid design did you choose?”

“I’ll show you as soon as we finish eating,” Yuffie promised.

The rest of the meal had a tenser tone. Clearly Kairi was not happy about the new tattoo. Yuffie supposed she should have realized Kairi meant what she had said and had not been trying to manipulate her. Still, Yuffie had gotten a brilliant tattoo and she knew Kairi would appreciate it. 

After dinner they went into the bathroom. Yuffie wanted to show it off, but she also needed to clean it, so this seemed to make sense. Removing the bandage was a bit painful because the tape had stuck to her arm fuzz. Still, they eventually got the tape off. Yuffie grinned when she saw Kairi’s eyebrows raise.

“Like it?” Yuffie asked.

“I’m relieved you didn’t put my name on your arm,” Kairi said.

“Then I’m glad I didn’t go with that option,” Yuffie said. Instead she had opted for something a little closer to her interests.

Yuffie’s tattoo consisted on a four point shuriken and some materia. The shuriken lined up with the vertical length of her arm to form a cross instead of an X. Eight orbs of materia of every available colored were scattered on and around the shuriken. It was located at the top of her left arm in the area she considered to still be part of her shoulder. Overall the tattoo was fairly small, but Yuffie liked the detail Lulu had included, especially in the materia; it almost sparkled.

“Do I want to know how much this cost?” Kairi asked.

“You don’t like it?”

“No, I think it’s fine, I just wouldn’t have chosen this if it were my body,” Kairi said. She rubbed her chin. “Actually, I think this fits you.”

“What would you have gotten?”

“Maybe a paopu fruit or something equally unoriginal. I like a lot of the plant and flower tattoos I’ve seen. Still, I wouldn’t want a tattoo.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not interested in making that sort of lifetime commitment. Did you make this up yourself or did you find it somewhere?”

“I make it. Lulu drew out what I told her to and then she messed with it until it was just right. She found the sketches she had done for me a couple years ago when we last seriously talked about me getting one.”

“I didn’t know you had gotten that far previously.”

“Neither did Hayner.”

“Who?”

“Guy who was there getting a struggle tat when I came he. He was the one who suggested I finally go through with it.”

“I’ll have to remember that.”

“Yup,” Yuffie said. The tattoo itched, so she started to scratch at it. Almost immediately Kairi slapped her hand away. “What was that for?” Yuffie asked.

“Even I know you don’t scratch a new tattoo. You’ll make it all blotchy. The only thing worse than getting a stupid tattoo is getting one and then messing it up. You said something about cleaning it. What did Lulu tell you to do?” 

Yuffie carefully recited the instructions Lulu had given her. Kairi did her best to follow the instructions because she didn’t expect Yuffie to get them right. To be fair, Yuffie did remember all the instructions and she probably could have managed on her own just fine, but she figure this was Kairi’s way of coping with the change. Even if it was an awesome change.

After the finished Yuffie decided to watch some TV. Kairi seemed to want to ignore her and had cuddled up with Yuna in the bedroom. That suited Yuffie, so she stretched out on the couch and watched Extreme Wipeouts on Moogle TV. 

About the time the Moogle Midnight Movie started Kairi sat down on the couch arm. Yuffie grinned and looked up at her girlfriend. She was frowning while staring at the TV.

“I’ve been researching tattoo after care,” Kairi said.

“Oh, what did you find?”

“The initial intensive care should last about two weeks, however it can take over a month for the tattoo to fully heal.”

“Okay.”

“During that time you can’t expose the tattoo to salt water.”

“Seriously?” Yuffie said, sitting up.

Kairi nodded. “You’re benched until sometime in April, Yuf. Leon’s going to be pissed.”

“Aw well, I need a long break anyway,” Yuffie said. “Besides, it’ll be shorter than if I had broken something again.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point, Kairi?” Yuffie demanded. “I’ve got the tattoo so I can’t surf for a while. It’s not like I can change that fact nor will it affect us detrimentally in the long run. What do you want me to do, apologize? I didn’t time it right, okay. I admit that, but I don’t regret the tattoo.”

“I got it.”

Yuffie immediately felt bad for using such a harsh tone. “I didn’t mean to snap at you, babe. I just don’t like being lectured.”

“I got it, Yuffie,” Kairi said, holding her hands at her chest, palms out. “You’re a big girl and I won’t bother you about your life decisions any more.” With that Kairi strode back into the bedroom and shut the door. Yuffie didn’t hear the click of the lock, but she didn’t need to, the only time either one of them ever shut the door was to keep someone out.

Yuffie smashed her forehead into both her palms. “Shit.” She didn’t know how to fix this.

***

Several days passed. While they were on speaking terms, Kairi was more formal than usual. She never mentioned the tattoo. She also didn’t comment on any of the other choices Yuffie had made recently, even the ones Kairi normally would have teased her about. It was a bad situation and Yuffie needed guidance.

So Yuffie turned to the only mature woman Yuffie knew who was in a stable relationship. She went to Aerith. The brunette was surprised to have Yuffie turn up on her doorstep, but she welcomed her inside and gave her tea. After she was settled, Aerith insisted the surfer tell her everything. Yuffie spilled her guts.

“So I’m at a point where all I can wonder is what would a honey badger do?” Yuffie finished. “Because it was the Great Ninja Yuffie’s actions that got me into this mess.”

“I don’t understand how a honey badger would help matters,” Aerith said. She refilled Yuffie’s teacup, “Are they particularly good at solving disputes?”

“Honey badgers are fucking awesome,” Yuffie said, cringing when she saw Aerith wince at her word choice. “They can beat anything! See, like a honey badger will eat a king cobra for lunch, even if it passes out due to all the venom it takes due to being bit multiple times in the fight. These things are crazy awesome! So… I thought they might… have an answer for my problem.”

“I highly doubt you want to kill Kairi and eat her corpse,” Aerith said, nibbling on a scone.

“No,” Yuffie agreed, shaking her head.

“Then the honey badger might not be the best animal to imitate.”

“Damn it, then what do I do?” Yuffie growled, running her hands through her hair. “I don’t know what to do with her when she’s pissed.”

“What do you do when you usually fight?”

“That’s just it, the last time she was this angry with me it was after I crunched her computer during her first set of college finals. That time she threw me out, but got over it within forty-eight hours since I still managed to rescue her paper. Even then I think she was basically over it even before I fixed things. This time she’s got a quiet anger and that scares me. Kairi’s a yeller, not a stewer. Kinda like my dad.”

“Hmm…”

“Help me Aerith,” Yuffie pleaded, “You’re my Obi-Wan.”

“You need to sit down and talk with her. Have a heart to heart. Clearly and carefully explain your feelings. Tell Kairi how her actions have affected you and how much you wish to bridge the gap you feel has developed between the two of you. You need to open a line of communication.”

Yuffie nodded, taking everything she heard in. She paused and sighed. “That’s not going to work, Aerith, I suck at talking and I always botch up my words. Are there any actions I can do to show how sorry I am?”

“Leon buys me chocolates when he wants to apologize,” Aerith said smiling. “However, I believe you might want to do something more drastic. I’m afraid Kairi might be less willing to forgive than I usually am.”

“Jewelry?” Yuffie asked, grasping at straws.

Aerith shook her head. “Take her out on a date, show her how much her opinion matters to you. As to how to do that, I cannot help you. Surely you know how do show Kairi you appreciate her.”

Yuffie cocked her head to the side and frowned. “I think I have an idea.”

It wasn’t much of an idea, but it was a start, a seed of an idea. That and two days was all Yuffie needed to grow it into a full-fledged plan. It wasn’t the most grounded plan, but Yuffie was used to things drastically altering mid-progress. So she felt confident when she waved two tickets to the Twilight Town Spring Tournament. 

“So you wanna go?” Yuffie asked after Kairi carefully took the tickets.

“I have midterms coming up,” Kairi said, trying to hand them back.

“You always have an exam or a paper, babe,” Yuffie said, refusing to take the tickets back. “I can’t force you to go, but I think you need a break. I’d appreciate it if the break you chose was from studying, not from me.”

“Now why would I want a break from you?” Kairi asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because you’ve been furious since I got the tattoo.”

“Do you have any idea what it’s like owning a full sized chocobo?”

“No?”

“My Uncle Red used to have one when I was little. It was head strong and ill tempered. Completely unwilling to listen to what anyone said. In the end it killed itself on an electric fence because it ignored the warnings my uncle, Axel, and six thousand volts of electricity gave it.”

“What was on the other side of that fence?”

“My uncle’s garden patch. Ventus really didn’t want anyone else to eat Uncle Red’s corn and zucchinis,” Kairi said, giving a half smile. “The point of this story is that you’re like Ventus. You don’t listen to any of my advice and one of these days that’s going to bite you in the ass. I don’t want to see you fry on your own metaphoric electric fence, Yuffie. I can’t deal with that.”

“But I do listen, I just listen too hard something’s and start trying to read in between the lines, which I suck at.”

Kairi gave her the Look.

“See, like right now!” Yuffie said, pointing at Kairi’s face. “You’re giving me the Look!”

“The Look?” Kairi said.

“Yes! The Look. Women give it to me all the time and I don’t know what it means, except it’s bad. I never know what you’re trying to tell me when you give me that look, but I know I’m supposed to know, so I guess and I get it more right than wrong.”

“Is that so?”

“And that’s the modified Look, I think that means you think I’m being crazy, but you still like it.”

“Really.”

“Yes, your eyes are crinkling at the corners, which means you’re trying not to smile. And now you’re smiling,” Yuffie said, grinning herself as she pointed at Kairi’s mouth. “As hard as you try the corners of your lips are slipping up… and now that’s a real smile.”

“Yuffie.”

“Yeah?”

“I still don’t know what this special ‘look’ is.”

“Well, you’ve been giving it to me since we first met,” Yuffie said hotly.

“Then I think you’re thinking of my ‘I can’t believe she just said and/or did that’ look. It’s a look of disbelief, Yuf, and I’m not surprised you get it a lot.”

“If that’s all it is, why didn’t you tell me in the first place?” Yuffie demanded, throwing her arms up in the air.

“You could be confusing my looks with my glares,” Kairi said, laughing. “My glares are practically an art form, considering how often you make me glare at you.”

“But your glares look like your looks! Am I supposed to call them loores?”

“Maybe glarks?”

“All your glarks look the same and they confuse me.”

“Maybe you should focus on decreasing the number of glarks you receive instead of trying to decipher what they mean,” Kairi teased.

“Will you go to the struggle tournament with me?” Yuffie asked.

“We’ll be observing.”

“Yes.”

“Not participating.”

“Yes.”

“Staying out of trouble?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes, I will attend with you,” Kairi said, beaming.

“Kairi, are you still mad at me?” Yuffie got a pillow thrown in her face for an answer. When she pulled the pillow off her face she saw her girlfriend walking away. “So is that a yes or a no?”

***

“Are the seats assigned or can we just sit anywhere?”

Yuffie glanced down at the tickets before looking around the square. “It seems like we can sit anywhere. Wanna sit up in the front?” Kairi shrugged and nodded. Yuffie grinned, grabbed Kairi’s hand, and pulled her down to the front of the stands. They found an empty space on a front bench and decided to sit there.

“So have you ever seen a struggle match before?” Kairi asked.

“Not a live one,” Yuffie said. “You?”

“A few,” Kairi said. “Olette’s boyfriend is team manager for one of the local teams. Maybe we’ll see them tonight. Are we seeing a bunch of teams compete one after another tonight or just two of them facing off?”

“Dunno. I guess we’ll just have to see.”

“Kairi?”

Both girls looked to see a brunette grinning at them. She looked vaguely familiar to Yuffie, but she couldn’t place her. Kairi stood and hugged her, before turning to Yuffie. “You remember Olette, right Yuffie?” Kairi said.

“Oh gah,” Yuffie said, slapping her forehead. “I should have recognized you. You did something with your hair, right?”

“Yeah I did,” Olette said, laughing and touching her hair. “I cut it short last month. It seemed like it was finally time for a change. I didn’t know you two liked struggle.”

“Yuffie got tickets,” Kairi said. “Want to sit with us or are you sitting with Pence?”

“If there’s room, I’ll sit with you,” Olette said. “He’s with his team, Dog Street. See him talking to Hayner? Hayner’s the team captain.”

Yuffie looked and saw a chubby boy talking with her new friend across the ring. He, the one Yuffie assumed was Pence, looked up at them and smiled. He waved, which caused Olette to wave back. Another teammate carrying a Velcro covered harness walked up to them, causing the boys to stop showing off and assist in getting him in the gear.

The girls settled onto the bench and waited for the first match to start. Olette explained that three representatives from each team would square off in the ring tonight. It was the third night of the tournament, which meant they’d be seeing the semi-finals tonight.

“So that’s a total of six matches?” Kairi said.

Olette nodded. “Each match has three rounds, with six minutes a round.”

“For a maximum of eighteen minutes a match?”

“Yep.”

So we could be here for about two hours.”

“Probably more like two and a half. Unlike a lot of the more martial sports, Struggle matches last for the entire time usually. Guys hit each other with foam bats and wear headgear, so it’s usually a point thing.”

“That has to do with the balls the referee is sticking on them, right?” Yuffie said. “You collect them by rolling about on the ground.”

“Exactly. The more balls on your harness at the end of the match, the more points you have,” Olette said. “In this league we use a hundred balls per harness. Most high schools use eighty balls and the pros use one hundred fifty.”

“So what’s the order of the teams?”

“It’s the Murdering Moogles vs the Cankerous Cactuars and then we’ve got Dog Street against the Falcon Fighters.”

“Then why is Hayner’s team already suiting up for their matches?”

“He likes to have everyone warm up and do a bit of practicing before they actually have to get in the ring,” Olette said, laughing. “Hayner’s the type to do his best after he’s been driven into a frenzy. Most of the guys on our team are like that.”

“Ah.”

The three matches between the Moogle and Cactuar representatives were nice enough. Yuffie always enjoyed a good bashing, even if it was only using foam bats and protective gear. The first time a player dropped to the floor and began rolling around surprised her, but then she realized he was just collecting points.

Of the three matches Yuffie’s favorite player had to be the Cactuar’s lieutenant, who fought in the second match. She was very bouncy and limber, twisting and dodging in ways the Moogle lieutenant didn’t expect. It seemed the closest to the way Yuffie would fight if she struggled and the girl had won Kairi’s cheers.

While the Cactuar girl won her match, both of her teammates were soundly beaten by their Moogle counterparts. That meant the Murderous Moogles would be facing Hayner in the finals. If Hayner managed to beat this Setzer guy. There was a twenty-minute break so that the ring could get cleaned after the initial teams fought. During this time Olette wanted to see Pence, so the girls got up to visit their favorite intramural team.

What they found when they reached the Dog Street dugout was chaos. Half the team seemed to be hyperventilating, a third were running around in circles and the other chunk seemed to be freaking out. In the mist of all this Pence was trying to restore order.

“What happened?” Olette asked.

“Hayner fell off the bleachers and broke his arm at the elbow,” Pence said. “He also won’t go to the hospital.”

“You can’t control the team without me,” Hayner snapped, startling Yuffie. She hadn’t seen him clutching arm behind the benches.

“You don’t seem to be doing a very good job of it right now,” she said, pretending he hadn’t scared her.

“Rajin and Ventus are both good enough to win their matches, so we’ll just have to take a bath on the final round,” Hayner said. “Although that really burns me, I wanted to wipe that smug look off Setzer’s face.”

“Who’s going to replace you?” Kairi asked.

“That’s just it,” Pence said. “No one else is willing to get into the ring in Hayner’s place. They’re all afraid of getting hit by Setzer since he almost went pro last year.”

Yuffie looked at Kairi. The redhead just shrugged and smiled. “Somehow I had a feeling this would happen ever since you mentioned Struggle and staying out of trouble. Go ahead.”

Yuffie grinned. She grabbed Hayner’s helmet and jammed it on her head. “I’ll go! I understand the basics of this game and I’m not afraid of being hit! Besides Hayner, we’re brothers of the ink!”

“Thanks,” Hayner said brightly. “It’s bad enough I can’t go personally, but if you go in my place it’ll be better than having no final match.” He stood to try and pull his harness off, but Pence sat him back down on the floor.

“The offer is really nice,” Pence said, “but Yuffie’s a pro surfer. Since these are intramural sports, she’s disqualified.”

“I’m a rookie in Struggle,” the surfer mumbled.

“Doesn’t matter,” the manager said. “You’re a professional athlete, which means you’re out on principle.”

Yuffie sulked for a moment before an even better idea hit her. “Kairi can do it,” she said. A chorus of ‘what?’ resounded, the redhead’s being the loudest. Yuffie nodded and grinned as the idea solidified. She decided to enlighten her friends. “While I’m a master of everything, Kairi’s pretty handy with a sword. I know from first hand experience that she’s been practicing regularly with a keyblade for the last three years and she used to do it in high school too.”

“But I haven’t played Struggle outside of gym class,” Kairi argued.

“But you’re good in a sword fight,” Yuffie said. “And you’ve always been bitter because your school’s coach was a dick and wouldn’t let girls into official matches. This is your chance at revenge!”

“But I don’t have the skills to pick up the balls. I never learned how to dodge roll!”

“So hit without being hit!” Yuffie said. “You just need to have more points than Setzer in the end, so keep all your balls and knock all his off. I know you can do it.”

“What high school did you go to?” Hayner asked Kairi. He clearly wanted Yuffie’s plan to work.

“Destiny Islands,” Kairi said.

“They were a pretty strong Keyblade team a few years ago,” Pence said. “Didn’t they take nationals?”

“Three times,” Kairi said. “Sora and Riku both managed to rank first in the nation for individuals.”

“How many years above you were they?”

“Sora’s two months younger than I am,” Kairi snapped. “And I could beat him sometimes in our practice matches.”

“I’m sold,” Hayner said. Pence and Olettte nodded in agreement.

“Why didn’t you join our college team?” Olette asked.

“I didn’t have the time,” Kairi said. Then she added in a darker tone, “And you couldn’t join without a national ranking or at least a history of official matches. Coach Xaldin saw to that never happening.”

“So channel that anger and beat the tar off this Setzer character,” Yuffie said, grabbing the smallest harness she could find. She snapped it in place around Kairi’s torso and then adjusted it for her girlfriend’s chest.

“How is it that I ended up in this crazy situation?” Kairi said, accepting the struggle bat Pence offered. “Isn’t this what usually happens to Yuffie? And then I get dragged along for the ride?”

“I guess fate had a different card game in mind today,” Yuffie said cheerfully. She slapped Kairi on the back. “But if it makes you feel better, you can think of it this way: I volunteered you. Although I guess that was sorta after you told me I could do whatever, so let’s blame fate.”

Pence went to talk to the judges about the substitution. While he was doing that, Hayner managed to calm the team down with a bellow and the announcement of his replacement. Everyone seemed pleased they didn’t have to pick of Hayner’s gauntlet.

“Yuffie, I can’t do this,” Kairi said when the announcer introduced the teams. “I’ve never been in an actual match.”

“You just have to do your best,” Yuffie said.

“Yes, but…” Kairi trailed off, her mouth dropping. “Is that Siegfried, the tiger magician?”

Yuffie looked to where her girlfriend was pointing. A man with long slicked back hair and a glittery purple poofy shirt was glaring at Hayner. Under a long trench coat that was simply resting on his shoulder he wore tight leather pants and purple rain boots. The ninja had to admit this man bore a certain resemblance to Siegfried Fischbacher of Siegfried and Roy.

“I think he just needs a tiger cub to complete the look,” Yuffie agreed. “Did you see all the bling he was wearing?”

“Bling?”

“Well, what would you call the giant gold necklace and oversized rings?” Yuffie asked.

“The only term for them is bling.”

“Did you see the look Setzer gave me?” Hayner demanded after stepping out of the ring. “He was practically laughing when he saw my arm.”

“I’m sorry, that was Setzer?” Kairi said.

“Yeah, who else would that be?”

“I didn’t realize I was going to be fighting someone who looked they belonged on a Las Vegas stage,” Kairi said.

“Huh?”

“Setzer is really the last member of the Siegfried and Roy show, right?” Yuffie said.

A slow grin spread over Hayner’s face. “No, but I wish I had noticed the resemblance myself.” He looked back at Setzer. “By Bahamut, he really does look like those magicians. I can’t wait to tease him about that later.”

“Any advice for me?” Kairi asked.

“Pay attention to what Rajin does in the ring. He’s a little too straightforward and doesn’t fall to the ground as much as I’d like, but he’s pretty good.”

When Rajin stepped into the ring he just focused on his opponent. It was a cheerful young man that waved at the crowd. He barely looked at Rajin, which made him a bit of an ass in Yuffie’s eyes. Work the crowd all you like, but you always acknowledge your opponent. Luckily, that didn’t seem to faze Rajin because as soon as the starting signal was given he charged his opponent. Cocky man wasn’t expecting it and barely rolled out of the way to avoid being hit. He still lost two balls.

“Who is that?” Yuffie asked. “He seems pretty good.”

“That’s Herc,” Hayner said. “He’s a pretty similar fighter to Rajin. They’re both chargers, but he’ll dodge and roll more than Rajin. I didn’t realize Setzer was putting him up against Rajin instead of Ventus. Kairi’s fight may actually matter now.”

“That’s exactly what I didn’t need to hear,” Kairi said grimly.

Yuffie watched and Herc barrel rolled out of Rajin’s way and slashed at the bigger man’s knees and back. Several balls fell. Rajin hit Herc on the shoulder and felled a few balls also. This pattern repeated several times before Hanyer started shouting for Rajin to roll. Unfortunately, Herc was quicker to take Hayner’s advice than Rajin and he took most of the loose points. Rajin tried his best, he really did, but this Herc guy simply outclassed him and no advice Pence could give him in between the rounds could help.

“Damn it,” Hayner swore as the announcer declared ‘Hercules’ to be the winner. “Good job, Rajin, you did your best. You’ll get him next time. Ventus, you’re up!”

“You need to go to the hospital,” Pence said. He touched Hayner’s uninjured arm. “That arm isn’t going to heal itself.”

“There’s only another half hour of the match,” Hayner said. “My arm won’t heal wrong in that time. Win or lose I’m going to be here for the team.”

Ventus flashed a brief smile in Yuffie and Kairi’s direction before climbing up the stairs for his match. Yuffie felt a bit sorry for the kid. He knew he needed to win if they had any hope of making it to the finals and that could put a lot of pressure on a competitor. Yuffie knew how to deal with pressure, but she didn’t know if Ventus did.

Luckily Yuffie’s fears were unfounded. Ventus clearly knew how to struggle. He zipped about the ring, dodging and rolling all over the place. He didn’t hit his opponent a lot, but every hit counted, knocking off an impressive number of balls each time and he never allowed his opponent to regain the balls Ventus knocked off. Yuffie was rather pleased with the performance; he was very showy, although not quite as fun as that Cactur girl. By Yuffie’s count he was hit a grant total of six times. Ventus returned from the ring to triumphant cheers from his teammates.

“I guess that means I’m up.” Kairi took a deep breath before accepting the bat Pence offered. “Time to go beat Siegfried.”

“That’s the spirit,” Yuffie said, slapping her back. “Bash him so hard his tiger feels it!”

“I don’t think Setzer has a tiger,” Pence said as Kairi stepped into the ring. Yuffie just rolled her eyes.

Kairi took the standard key bearer position for the fight. Knees bent she hunched forward slightly to minimize her strikable surface. She held the struggle bat in her right hand, just in front of her knee with her left close by incase she needed to increase her power or stability.

Setzer stared at her with his bat across is shoulders. Then he pointed it at Hayner and said, “This is a new low for you, Hayner. Sending a girl to lose your battles. How pathetic can you get?”

‘I officially don’t like this guy,’ Yuffie glared. ‘If he makes my girl cry I’ll make him disappear.’

The moment the match started Kairi barrel rolled toward Setzer, causing him to miss. She jumped to her feet right next to Setzer and as she leapt she swung, Yuffie could only describe it as an uppercut, a blow that knocked off all the balls on his harness in a vertical line before connecting with his chin. 

Setzer landed on his butt. Since this was Struggle, downs didn’t matter, but he was stunned. Kairi quickly scooped up several balls with her hands—a rookie mistake Hayner complained bitterly—while Setzer regained his footing. Kairi hopped back a few steps out of range and regained her fighting pose. Before he could regain his pose however, the redhead slammed her bat down on his wrist and raked the weapon up his arm. A shower of blue balls ensued. This time Kairi didn’t bother to claim them. Instead she just smacked him in the face relentlessly.

“Is she allowed to do that?” Yuffie asked, clapping as loudly as she could.

“It’s a foam bat in a sport where downs are not a penalty and the participants are supposed to be agile enough to get away,” Hayner said gleefully. “As long as that bat stays in the ring she can hit him as much as she likes.”

“Go Kairi!” Yuffie shouted, throwing her arms in the air. The balls just kept flying. “Knock ‘em off, knock ‘em all off!”

“I think she could actually do it,” Pence said as Kairi hit him in such a way Setzer spun around. “Kairi! If you bring his point total down to zero, you automatically win!”

Kairi didn’t show any signs of hearing Pence. She just kept beating on Setzer, hitting him where it was most painful, as opposed to where the remaining points resided. By the time the first round was over Setzer’s face was purple and bulging. Kairi was flushed and breathing heavily, but Yuffie was fairly certain she hadn’t been hit once. Pence and another teammate leaned over Kairi while they got her ready for the next round. Yuffie was fairly certain Pence was repeating the new strategy, but she couldn’t actually hear him.

When the bell for the next round rang Setzer dived for the balls still on the floor. He didn’t make it, as Kairi flung her bat straight into his face. Yuffie didn’t know if it was a really strong blow or just unexpected, but Setzer just slammed into the ground. While he lay there Kairi picked up several balls and attached them to her harness and kicked other balls out of the ring.

When the almost-pro stood again Kairi hit him in the face as if she was swinging a baseball bat. It hit him square in the face. Setzer fell backwards, his head hit the ground. Then he rolled out the ring. With the blow of the whistle the match was over. Kairi had won by knockout in the second round of the Struggle match.

Yuffie ran toward the ring, but instead it fill with Dog Street members. Kairi was lifted up onto Rajin’s shoulders, which she wasn’t entirely happy about by Yuffie’s reckoning. Hayner jumped into the ring laughing manically as his arm swung oddly. 

“Take that Setzer!” Hayner laughed. “I can’t believe you’ve fallen to such a new low, man, losing to a girl who’s never before fought in an official Struggle match? Pretty pathetic for a man trying to go pro!” After they all left the ring Hayner paused with Kairi and Yuffie to tell them, “I really didn’t mean anything by the girl comment, Kairi. Seriously, you’ve proved you kick ass. I can see why you’re whipped, Yuffie.”

“Hey,” Yuffie tried to snap, but she just found herself laughing instead. She was too happy about Kairi’s win to be bothered by any lame zingers. “You are amazing,” she said to Kairi.

“That was really invigorating,” Kairi said. “Take that Coach Xaldin!”

“You should do this on a regular basis.”

“You are doing this on a regular basis!” Hayner yelled, as several teammates tried to cart him away. “You’re an official Dog Street player and you’re coming to the after party!”

“Fine, but I’m not getting a tattoo!” Kairi yelled back.

“We’ll see,” Yuffie said. At Kairi’s glare the surfer added, “Obviously it wouldn’t be a Struggle tat.”

“Shush you,” Kairi said.

They kissed. Then, much to the surprise of both girls, Yuffie and Kairi were hauled up onto the shoulders of several of their closest new teammates and carried off to the celebration. It was a party of epic proportions.


	29. A Trying Mock Trial

"Since there’s only a month until this class is over, I suppose I should explain the final project,” Cid Highwind said, rubbing his nose. He shifted the unlit cigarette in his mouth. “You little snot nosed wannabe lawyers are going to work in groups of four and present cases. These are cases I assign and I make the groups.”

Kairi wrote down everything he said, minus the insults. Highwind was a good professor, even with the coarse language. She had learned a lot in his ethics class, even if lawyers were not suppose to have any.

“All the groups will sign up for a trial time during finals week. So pick a time that works for the entire group because if you miss your trial, your side loses and you fail my class.”

A boy in the front to Kairi’s right raised his hand. Cid pointed at him. “Can we call witnesses for our trials?” he asked.

“Shinra, if it’s something an actual lawyer can do, you can sure as fuck do it in my courtroom. Most questions about the project can be found in the ethics manual,” Cid said, tapping his copy of the three hundred and some page syllabus. “Be warned though that there’s a three hour limit on presentations. Every five minutes over that limit and I dock five percent of your received grade. That’s for everyone in the group.”

A murmur ran through the class. Obviously, no one liked that rule.

“You idjits are almost lawyers now, so be professional,” Cid said. “The trials are open to the public, so anyone can watch your incompetence.”

He answered a few more questions then dismissed class a few minutes early. Kairi grabbed her bag and left before she could get trapped in the sea of fleeing students. The project sounded interesting to her and she was looking forward to a good argument. Cid mentioned that the list of groups would be posted as soon as he got back to his office, so Kairi checked for it on her phone during her next class.

She found herself paired up with Larxene Savage, Seymour Guado, and Larsa Solidor. They were assigned a case initially tried twenty years ago. It was a case involving the murder of Isaaru Summoner, a gay student who had been beaten to death outside a bar just off campus. Kairi remembered the reading about this case from the section on preservation and presentation of evidence.

‘Wasn’t there some snafu involving chain of custody?’ Kairi thought, frowning slightly. ‘A class ring allegedly worn by one of the defendants during the beating was misplaced for a couple of hours… only two of the three men accused were convicted because of that.’

Kairi spent the rest of her class thinking about how she would set up the case. Cid left the students to form their own pairs and who would defend each side. His instructions just said that everyone had to deliver either an opening or closing statement. He was fairly hands-off for this sort of thing. Cid assumed that by the time people were in law school they could sink or swim just fine without any hand holding on his part.

A quick round of texting landed Kairi a bar waiting for her classmates to appear. Yuffie was in the Pacific somewhere, so it wasn’t like Kairi needed to get home tonight. She didn’t think a bar was the best choice for a discussion of a major class assignment, but this was just a meet and greet. She hoped they would form teams too, so that each side could get to work. While sitting in a booth Kairi double-checked her phone for any messages.

“Hey Fire Crotch.”

Kairi’s head whipped up in horror. She recognized that voice; it was the voice from her nightmares. Quite literally, Kairi had nightmares for a week featuring this voice and those Ifrit blasted nails. The redhead slowly turned to see a feral blonde woman smirking next to her. She was too close for comfort. Although to be fair, in Kairi’s opinion, being in the same room was too close for comfort.

“Larxene,” Kairi said. “What are you doing here?”

“Meeting some classmates from my ethics class for drinks.”

“You’re in my class?” Kairi asked in horror. “You’re Larxene Savage?”

“How many Larxenes do you know, my dear?”

“I thought you were a dominatrix, not a law student,” Kairi said. She felt slightly stupid and very unhappy about this turn of events.

“I’m a woman of many talents, Fire Crotch,” Larxene said, running a perfectly manicured nail along Kairi’s cheek. Kairi flinched, causing the other woman to laugh. Larxene leaned back against the booth and lifted a hand as if she was about to wave.

A young man with dark shoulder length hair slid onto the bench across from Kairi. Another man with long blue hair followed suit. The first man grinned and shook Kairi’s hand. 

“I’m Larsa Solidor,” he said, smiling. Kairi could see he was vaguely attractive, in a boy-next-door way. He also looked like he was still in high school. She instinctively knew he was often underestimated because of this.

“Kairi Hart,” Kairi said. She returned the smile. Larsa tried to shake Larxene’s hand too, but the woman just glared at his until he dropped it. To lighten the tension Kairi greeted Seymour, but he just nodded in response. So instead she decided to get down to business. “Right. We have the Summoner case. We talked about it in class in February.”

“That darling little queer boy had his head beaten in,” Larxene drawled. “What? He was cute in a flimsy way before his brains became a mosaic across the side of Kilika Boathouse Bar.”

“So how do we want to do this?” Larsa said. “Who wants to work with who?”

“Girls against boys?” Larxene offered, touching a nail to Kairi’s neck. She slapped it away.

“I think we can only be opposing counsel to each other,” Kairi snapped.

“Kinky.” Larxene shrugged, and then tilted her head to get a better look at Seymour. “Team up with me, blue boy?” Seymour smiled at her and nodded.

“So I guess we’ll be working together,” Larsa said grinning at Kairi. She smiled back. Personality wise, she got the best of the bunch.

For clearing the first hurtle Larxene insisted they all order a round. Kairi ended up having some fruity drink with a sexual sounding name. She couldn’t taste any alcohol, which was a plus in her book since she didn’t like drinking, but she didn’t like the strong melon taste. At least it didn’t have coconut in it.

“Does anyone have a strong preference to defend or prosecute?” Larsa asked. “I’m fine with whatever.”

“I’ve always wanted to send a man to death row,” Seymour said. “With the hate crime tag, the defendants could get the death penalty.”

“Sounds fun,” Larxene said, finishing her drink.

“No,” Kairi said, straitening. “That’s a terrible reason for you to act as prosecution. Shouldn’t you care about the victim? Besides, the hate crime tag can’t attach to this case, the law didn’t exist twenty years ago.”

“Do you want to be the DA?” Larxene asked.

“Yes,” Kairi said. “I’ve never wanted to be a defense attorney and act as champion for a gang of homophobic monsters.”

“You have a problem with homophobia, FC?”

“Yes.”

“Good to know,” the blonde said, finishing her drink. She raised her glass to get the barkeep’s attention. Everyone got another round.

“What is this?” Kairi asked, looking at her new drink.

“It’s a Scooby Snack,” Larsa said. “I think they’re decent.”

Kairi tried her drink. It tasted like a mixed drink. That was all she could say about it. She turned to Larxene. “Do you two really want to prosecute?”

“If you want it, then I really want it.”

“That’s not fair,” Kairi said hotly. She felt her face flushing and she silently cursed. “You shouldn’t choose a side solely because I want it.”

“Seymour wants it too,” Larxene pointed out. Seymour just smiled and shrugged.

“But—” Kairi began.

“Are you pressing the issue because you think that your wants are more important than Seymour’s wants? Are you more important than the rest of us?” Larxene snapped.

“Of course not!” Kairi downed the rest of her drink. “I think we all have equal importance, but the reason we have for wanting something matters.” 

“And wanting to attack because you don’t want to defend is a better reason than Seymour’s wish to punish the wicked?” Larxene asked.

“You’re twisting my words,” the redhead said softly. She felt frustrated.

“Hey, hey,” Larsa said, waving his hands in a surrendering pose. “Why don’t we calm down and save choosing sides for Monday? We don’t have to turn in our outline until a week from today, so we’ll just learn about the case in our groups this weekend. Sound good, guys?” He got a murmur of agreements.

Kairi had one more drink with the others. She couldn’t get out while Larxene tried to drink the boys under the table. By the time Larxene won Kairi felt tipsy and a touch depressed. She did not want to work with Larxene in any way shape or form. She did not want to defend gay bashers. She most certainly did not want her wants to be more important than anyone else’s wants.

When they finally did get up to leave Larxene wrapped an arm around Kairi’s shoulders and walked her out the bar.

“You know, Fire Crotch,” the dominatrix whispered into Kairi’s ear. “If you really want to prosecute this case you’re going to have to do something outside the box. Maybe we can come up with a private arrangement to settle our disagreement.”

“That would be unethical,” Kairi said. That earned her a startled shriek of laughter.

“I like you Fire Crotch,” Larxene said. “You’ve got spunk and more backbone than your cousin or his fairy.”

“Roxas isn’t a fairy.”

“And yet you knew exactly who I was talking about.” Larxene let go of Kairi and walked forward a few paces before looking back at Kairi. “I like you enough I’d consider doing you for real.”

“Call me when Hell freezes over,” Kairi snapped, trying hard not to slur her words. She was eighty percent certain that her pronunciation of ‘freezes’ did not sound like ‘sleazes.’

“You look real cute with the beer blush there. See you later, Fire Crotch.” With that final comment and a mock salute goodbye Larxene left. 

Kairi sighed. Compared to what could have happened Kairi got off lightly. It seemed Larxene only wanted to embarrass her in private. She would happily live with that. 

The law student went home as straight as she could; she had developed a slight weave from the alcohol. Kairi was definitely a lightweight. A hungry little chocobo met her at the door. After feeding Yuna, Kairi crawled into her cold empty bed. She missed Yuffie and at the moment Kairi couldn’t come up with a solution to her problem. None of her problems actually.

As she drifted off to sleep Kairi had one last thought. ‘At least I’m not drunk texting anyone.’

***

Kairi knocked on her professor’s door. She smiled slightly when she heard cursing and the sound of a stack of papers falling. Knowing Highwind, Kairi was certain he had just knocked over one of his stacks of papers and would knock over another three while he tried to pick up the first. She’d just patiently stare at his name on the door until he called her in.

That didn’t take long. “Get in here and help pick up this goddamned mess!” he shouted through the door. To this Kairi quickly complied. When he saw her Cid started snapping his fingers trying to recall who she was. “Ethics, third row, left side, second from the right. Heart, Hart!”

“Yes, sir,” Kairi said smiling at him. She knew she liked him and now wondered why she hadn’t visited him during office hours before.

“So what can I do for you, Hart?”

“Professor Highwind—”

“Don’t give me that shit, you know it’s Cid.”

“Then I’m Kairi.”

Cid cracked a grin and rubbed his stubble-covered jaw. He had never looked liked a lawyer—much less a professor—to Kairi, and yet he was an amazing professor. At least, he was if you could get past the crude language, and the fact he looked like he just crawled out from under a car most days.

“I want to know how you chose the cases for each group,” she said, pulling out a copy of her assignment. Cid took the sheet and scanned it.

“What’s the problem?” he asked.

“I want to know if you gave me this case because I’m out.”

“Out? The drop deadline was over a month ago. Unless you’ve got an amazing reason to drop it now, like you’re going into a coma to treat advanced rabies, you’re getting a grade in this course. I’d advise you do the final assignment.”

“No, I’m out of the closet.”

“Huh?”

“I’m gay,” she snapped. “Homosexual.”

“Oh,” Cid said. “I never would have pegged you for liking chicks over dicks. No offense meant.”

“How do you not know the phrase ‘out of the closet?’ It’s like, fifty years old.”

“Never heard it before.”

Kairi stared at him. “And yet you know ‘like chicks over dicks?’”

Cid blinked at her. “That’s a phrase?”

“Are you messing with me?” Kairi asked.

“Shit girl, I need a cigarette,” Cid said, running a hand through his hair. “We’re going for a walk because this fucking liberal arts college made it illegal to smoke in my own fucking office!” His voice rose at the end of the sentence. Obviously, this was an issue that bothered him to no end.

That was how she and Cid ended up walking past the engineering building. Cid practically inhaled the first cancer stick in one breath. Kairi waited until he was on his second cigarette before broaching the subject again.

“I’m not comfortable as a gay woman defending men who killed a man because he was homosexual. Not even in theory,” Kairi said. “Did you assign me this case because you knew I was gay?”

“No, I didn’t know you were a lezzie,” Cid said. “That’s a term for it, isn’t it? Lezzie?”

“I think you could make anything a term for it,” Kairi said.

“Kairi, there are times in a lawyer’s life where she has to take on cases she doesn’t like,” Cid said. He blew a smoke ring. “That’s independent of if you’re defending, prosecuting, or any other sort of law. It’s unethical to turn your nose up at it just because you dislike it. Hell, there are times when the Court will assign you something and you have to do it or else go to jail.”

“Even when it goes against your personal beliefs?”

“Yes. To become a lawyer approved by the Bar you have to accept their ethical code of conduct and that includes abiding by Court sanctioning. That’s why you’re required to take my class in the first place. Come on, Hart, you know this stuff already. You’re one of my better students.”

Kairi sighed. “I just can’t stand the thought of representing someone who hates me simply because of what I am. Not even in theory. I can’t change who I am, Cid.” Cid stared at her thoughtfully. Feeling a little guilty under his gaze Kairi continued, “It doesn’t matter that Seymour’s reason for wanting it is so that he can pretend to send someone to the chair. Larxene arranged things so that if I try to argue that I shouldn’t have to defend them—even if I outted myself, which I don’t want to do—I’d come off as someone whose personal wants are more important than the team. “

“Why did Larxene do that?”

“She’s a bitch.” That earned Kairi a laugh that doubled Cid over.

“Tell you what, you be on the prosecution,” Cid said, wiping a tear from his eye. “Your conscience can handle that if I say so, right?” 

Kairi just nodded. 

“You’re probably closer to the victim in your case than anyone else in your group. Take the closing argument; it’s traditionally more personal than the opening argument. Use your personal experience to make your audience identify with you and thereby identify with Isaaru Summoner. Show the rest of the group that you’re the one best suited for the job.”

“Isn’t it unethical making a backhanded deal like this?” Kairi asked.

Cid let off a startled laugh. “If this were unethical, lawyers couldn’t do their job. You know damn well that the DA’s office makes deals with opposing counsel all the time to make the system work. You try your best to make a group of strangers care about something they have no relation to, but sometimes you just can’t manage it. That’s when compromise comes into the system. By Bahamut did I hate making deals, but the system is imperfect and some time served is better than no time. You are striving for justice, Kairi, and while you may fail at times, there is no greater pursuit than that.”

“I…” Kairi trailed off as she stared at her professor.

Cid stared determinedly off into the distance. Cigarette completely forgotten, the ember had burned well into the filter as the bud jiggled between his lips. His fists were clenched tightly enough that the knuckles had whitened and they shook slightly. Kairi could see the young angry attorney Cid must have been. She didn’t want to disturb him.

He stood there long enough that ember reached his lips. With a yelp he dropped the bud’s remains and tried to lick the new burn. Cid covered his mouth with his hand before speaking again, Kairi assumed because he was still trying to cool the burned area with his tongue.

“I’ll email your group to let them know you’ll be prosecution. First chair. It’ll be your fault if your side doesn’t win, Hart.”

“Thank you, sir,” Kairi said, genuinely touched. She pulled a small tube out from her purse. “Do you want some burn cream?”

“Thanks,” Cid said. “Why are you carrying burn cream?”

“My girlfriend is always accidently cutting, bruising, burning, and exploding herself.” Kairi laughed, although it wasn’t that funny. “I find myself carrying a first aid kit in my purse.”

“You be careful, Kairi,” Cid said before they parted ways.

Kairi smiled as she ran to catch a trolley. She had some paperwork to take care of for Strife before she could go home. She was still the only clerk who could stand him and that meant she spent a heck of a lot of time digging through his paperwork. 

When she arrived Kairi found Cloud sitting in his office staring at his cell phone. He wasn’t doing anything as far as Kairi could tell, although she knew Yuffie would suggest Cloud was trying to set his phone on fire with his mind. It was a nasty glare.

“Shouldn’t you be out with a client looking at the salt water marshes?” Kairi asked. 

“I rescheduled,” Cloud said, not looking up from his phone.

He had cleared off the rest of his desk so that the phone was the only object on it. Instead of placing his things neatly on shelves or chairs the way he usually did, he had strewn the various knick-knacks and papers across the floor. Obviously something weird was going on inside her boss’s head at the moment. 

Kairi carefully walked over the stuff to stand behind Cloud and looked down at the phone. It had been long enough since he last touched the device that the screen lock had come on.

“Are you waiting on an important call? Usually you work while waiting for these things,” she said. “Or did I forget about a trial and you’re waiting for a jury’s deliberation?”

“Link texted me.”

“Is that all? You know he doesn’t know how to use half the functions on his phone. If he sent you a random string of letters he probably accidently texted you with his butt. Or perhaps it’s like last month when he left skittles over a keyboard and the birds sent you an email while they were cleaning up.”

“It was coherent.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“He’s leaving me.”

“What?” Kairi said. She picked up the phone and unlocked it. There was indeed a text from Link. All it said was I’m leaving in the morning. She set the phone down blinking. “Did you try calling him?”

Cloud nodded. “I didn’t get any response.”

“Huh, that doesn’t sound like Link,” Kairi said, scratching her head. She didn’t have the time or energy to get involved though. “Tell you what, go home, Strife. Talk to your boy and I’m certain you two’ll work things out.”

“But he said he was leaving!”

“People don’t usually announce they’re leaving via texts and if they do, they don’t give an approximate time for the break-up.”

Cloud sat there processing what Kairi had said. He didn’t look like he was going to do anything before Link left. She sighed, grabbed Cloud’s coat, and shoved it into the lawyer’s hands. Then she pulled him to his feet.

“What are you doing?” he asked, bewildered.

“Solving your problem,” Kairi said. “I’m ordering you to go home and settle your worries with Link. I promise you it’s not as bad as you think. Besides, you’re absolutely useless here at work while you’re chasing your tail over him.

She shoved him out of the office’s front door and then locked it tight. Cloud banged on the door a few times, but Kairi just repeated her previous orders. Eventually he left, hopefully to go see Link. Kairi sifted through paperwork and rescheduled a few more meetings for Cloud.

Near the end of office hours Kairi received a phone call from Cloud. She answered it quickly, interested in hearing the outcome of his problem. “Are you guys square now?” she asked

“Yes, everything is fine,” Cloud said. “Thank you.”

“What was the problem?” Kairi asked.

There was a bit of confusion on the line and then Kairi heard Link’s voice. “My Cloud is an idiot,” he said.

“How so?”

“Somehow he completely missed the fact I’ve been talking about my sister’s pregnancy nonstop for the last six months. I’m flying back to Hyrule because she wants me there for the birth. This is her first kid.”

“I see.”

“I still don’t,” Link said. “Honestly, Strife, I even asked if you wanted to come with. You like my family.”

“I prefer our family,” Cloud said. Since he clearly wasn’t close to the phone Kairi couldn’t tell if she detected a sulking tone in his voice, but she suspected so. A moment later and Cloud had the phone again. “Kairi, if you want any help with your mock trial, just ask. I am willing to listen to your arguments. Cid Highwind is a stickler for getting everything perfect in his final projects.”

“You’ve dealt with Highwind?” Kairi asked.

“I had a class with him when I was in law school. He was an assistant professor and grumpier than I am.”

“That must have been a feat,” Link said. The redhead distinctly heard their phone drop and Link’s laughter.

“Bye guys,” Kairi laughed, hanging up. She decided to call it a night and go home.

On her way up to her apartment Kairi got a phone call. It was Larxene of all people. This was the last person she had expected to hear from tonight. So she had to ask what the woman wanted.

“I got an email from Cid stating that you and Larsa are the prosecution.”

“You heard right.”

“That’s some pretty sneaky lawyering.”

“How did you get this number?”

“Axel. So how’d you do it?”

“Cid approved it. Besides, I didn’t ask him to do anything.”

“Hey I approve.”

“Somehow I don’t find that reassuring.”

“I’ve always wanted to be a defense lawyer,” Larxene said. “They get paid well.”

“That’s the only reason why you want to be a lawyer, isn’t it?”

“Pretty much.”

“I’m hanging up now. I need to wash your slime off me.” She clicked the phone off with Larxene’s cackle ringing in her ears. “Bitch.”

Kairi decided to call Yuffie. She had enough crazy in her life currently. She wanted her familiar crazy. Kairi shook her head and couldn’t help but smile. It still amazed her that Yuffie’s crazy was now her crazy.

“’Ello?” Yuffie answered.

“Hey,” Kairi said.

“Kairi! How’s my favorite girl doing?”

There were so many things Kairi wanted to say, so she went for the most problematic. “Larxene’s in my mock trial group.”

“I know, you said that the last time we talked.”

“And she just called me.”

“Oh. Well, that’s not so good. What did she say?”

“She was proud of me for being sneaky.”

“Were you being sneaky?”

“A little,” Kairi admitted. “I hate the fact she’s calling me sneaky.”

“Sometimes sneaky is good,” Yuffie said. “I sneak all the time. Listen babe, it doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do. Larxene probably would have called you in any case to rub salt in any wound she could sniff out. So screw her—although not literally—and do your own thing. And I can say that with confidence because you always do the right thing.”

“Thanks, Yuffie,” Kairi said softly. “Hearing you say that means a lot.”

“Hey, I’m just telling it like it is. When is the big hoedown anyway?”

“The mock trial happens during finals week, so… the second week of May.”

“Gotcha, I’ll be there,” Yuffie said. “I can’t wait to see you wipe the floor with her. She gives sharks a bad name.”

“Yuffie!”

“What? It’s true.”

“Not that, I can’t have you at the trial. You’ll get into a fist fight with opposing council or something.”

“I’ll be on my best behavior, scout’s honor.”

“You were never a scout.”

“Ninja’s honor then. Please let me come, Kairi.”

“Fine, but if you seriously embarrass me because you get ejected from the courtroom, you can find your own place to sleep for the next month.”

“Yes!” Yuffie cackled. She sounded so elated Kairi couldn’t help but smile.

“So you’re coming to my graduation?” Kairi asked softly.

“Yep, I’ve already missed two, I’m not missing the third.”

“Two?”

“High school and your BA. No way I’m missing your lawyerification.”

“I love you,” Kairi laughed, “and I can’t wait until you get home.” 

She listened to her lover’s proclamations of love for a moment before bidding Yuffie goodbye and ending the call. It didn’t matter if Larxene was a bitch or that Cloud was moody. Yuffie would come home within the next month and then she could ignore all the cranky people in her life. It was with these thoughts Kairi went to sleep that night.

***

Kairi hit her stack of papers against the table twice, shuffling them into order. She had all of her evidence, including a couple of grad students from the physics and biology departments to act as witnesses for her case. Larsa had proved competent, for which she was exceptionally glad. Looking around the lecture hall Cid had hijacked into a courtroom filled Kairi with confidence. She could take on Larxene and Seymour; heck, the mood she was in, she could take on Phoenix Wright and Edgeworth. 

She glanced at Larsa. He was fiddling with his briefcase. Cid was on the comfiest barstool Kairi had ever seen with his feet propped up on the lecturer’s podium. He had a small table to his right with a stack of folders, a bag of sunflower seeds, and various other items. He was prepared. Then she looked to the defense table. Seymour appeared to be meditating. Larxene though… was playing with a stuffed moogle. When she saw Kairi’s gaze she gave a toothy grin.

“What’s with the moogle?” Kairi asked.

“This is defendant A,” Larxene said. She pulled two more dolls out of her bag, a chocobo and a shoopuf. “Here are the other two.” She lined them up neatly on the front of the defense table. “This way Cid can see who he’s sentencing. Cute innocent dollies who would never hurt any old nasty fairy.”

Kairi ran a hand over her face. She hadn’t been expecting this tactic. It was a time-honored defense to dress up defendants as nicely as possible and Larxene would be an idiot not to use it. Usually the defendants remained human though, which made Larxene’s version a little crass. Kairi just needed a moment of quiet before everything started to regain her cool.

Ooo, don’t we need a jury?” Yuffie asked, waving her hand excitedly. Kairi hadn’t realized she was already there watching the set up.

“No, because I’m the one grading this shindig,” Cid said, cracking open a sunflower seed with his teeth. Apparently, they were his substitute for smoking during the trial.

“No fair! Trials always need juries! That’s what Law and Order told me!”

“This ain’t a fucking show!”

“The girl does have a point, Cid,” said a short older gentleman, who was sitting in the gallery with the others.

“Fine Monteblanc, form a jury,” Cid said. He spat out some shell. “You, annoying girl.”

“Yes, grumpy old man?”

“You’re foreman. Do you have any bias for one side or the other?”

“What?”

“Do you know any of the presenting students?”

“Yeah, I’m sleeping with one of them,” Yuffie said brightly. It took all of Kairi’s self control to not bury her head in her arms. “I’ll let you guess which one.”

“And that’s why I’m the one who gets to decide the grades and who wins the case,” Cid said. “So shut up and sit down, jury foreman.” For once, Yuffie did as she was told.

“Kairi,” Larsa whispered, “Do you really think Seymour is sleeping with her?”

“Larsa,” Kairi said, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Get up and present our opening argument.”

“Twenty years ago, on November 2nd, Isaaru Summoner was beaten until his skull cracked open and his brain slid out. He died scared and alone on a sidewalk,” Larsa began. Kairi relaxed as he continued his opening argument. He had obviously practiced and spoke well. When he finished, Larsa gave a half bow to Cid and nodded at the defense before sitting down.

Seymour then stood up, buttoning his cuffs. “It is true that Isaaru Summoner died alone on a sidewalk. And ‘alone’ is the keyword. The sad truth is that there were no witnesses so we don’t know who committed this heinous act.” He continued his speech while Kairi hurriedly copied down all pertinent information. The mock trial had started.

As the prosecution traditionally went first, Kairi presented her case. She and Larsa showed the crime scene photos, described the victim’s character and that of the defendents, and then called their med student to the stand to explain the autopsy report. Larxene stayed silent for most of this, allowing Seymour to raise the occasional objection when needed. Then Larsa called their forensics guy to the stand and things started to fall apart.

He was a biophysics major with a passion for crime solving. Technically, this witness had no experience reconstructing crime scenes, but he had read a lot on the subject and understood the physics behind blood splatter analysis. He had caught Kairi and Larsa’s passion for the case and even constructed a neat computer animation for them. Larxene ripped him apart on the stand.

“Mr. Tribal, isn’t it? You don’t have a doctorate do you,” she began.

“No, but I am in the process of getting one,” Zidane Tribal said.

“In what field?”

“Biophysics.”

“And what does that have to do with crime scene analysis?”

“Objection,” Kairi said. “Your honor has already vetted this witness’s qualifications.”

“But the jury hasn’t heard about this and since we do have a jury, they need to understand the quality standard of the presented information,” Larxene said.

“Ms. Savage makes a valid point, Ms. Hart,” Cid said. “Objection overruled. Answer the question, Mr. Tribal.”

“I understand blood flow analysis, how the blood would fly when it spurts out of a body,” Zidane said.

“And what classes taught you this?”

“I’ve taken classes on the physics of water and have read quite a bit on the subject. Blood is only about 6% denser than water, so it’s fairly easy to make the conversions in the equations.”

“I see… you’re just converting equations.”

“Yes, but they’re the same equations used by—.”

“—Thank you, Mr. Tribal. To make that fancy video we saw, how many of these simple conversions did that take?”

“A lot, that took me ages to build.”

“Give me a number.”

“With all the blood splatter in every direction and the brain… ah, maybe a hundred or two?”

“And how many crime scenes have you reconstructed?”

“This is my first.”

“Your first? And does that mean you have no actual training or experience in this field?”

“I’ve read or watched just about everything there is.”

“I see. So with no actual experience, how many mistakes do you think you made? One hundred calculations, especially when you have to convert a substance into a different substance, has room for lots of errors.”

“Is there a question in all that?” Kairi demanded.

“Then let me ask this, what equation did you use for the loss of brain matter?”

“I used a diffusion algorithm.”

“For water?”

“Yes.”

“But isn’t brain matter inherently different from water? I suppose like most human tissue it is mostly water, but is the brain not a solid?”

“Yes.”

“So shouldn’t your algorithm take into account that it was a mixture of liquid and solid seeping from Isaaru Summoner’s head? I believe the diffusion pattern would be different compared to a simple liquid diffusion, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes,” Zidane said, looking a little green. He probably hadn’t thought that much about the actual substance.

“Did you account for a mixture of solids and liquid?”

“No,” Zidane said. He looked pleadingly at Cid. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“Get outta my courtroom,” Cid snapped, waving a hand at the door. Zidane ran out of the room.

Larxene turned to look at the jury, shooting Kairi a smirk. “You heard it for yourself, Mr. Tribal overlooked key laws of physics while recreating the crime scene, rendering it all suspect. If this is all the prosecution can provide for evidence, I doubt we’ll ever know who killed that poor little faggot.”

“Objection!” Kairi shouted, rising to her feet. “Defense is providing her own testimony and it is inflammatory in nature. The victim should never be referred to in such terms, especially not by an officer of the court.”

Cid was livid. “The next time you refer to the victim in such a manner, Ms. Savage,” he growled, gesturing with his gavel threateningly. “I’m having you disbarred. That’s your warning too, Mr. Guado.”

“My apologies, your honor,” Larxene said.

“Prosecution, present your next witness,” Cid sighed.

“The prosecution rests, your Honor,” Larsa said.

“Motion to dismiss all charges,” Seymour said, sounding bored. “Based on the prosecution failing to make its case.”

“Deined,” Cid snapped, pounding his gavel. “Defense, present your case.”

Larxene did just that. She made a very convincing case that her three defendants had been wrestling in the slaughterhouse belonging to the father of the moogle. Her version explained how the defendants ended up covered in blood and slightly banged up; they did it to each other. The original lab reports never underwent DNA analysis, which—along with the missing class ring—made Larxene’s case that a corrupt law enforcement agency was attempting to railroad her defendants.

She was good. Kairi had a terrible time poking holes in Larxene’s defense. For most of Kairi’s questions Larxene threw out the grab phrase of ‘brawl in a slaughterhouse’ for an answer. The worst part is that it actually worked.

“I can’t believe she came up with a better defense, than the original defense,” Kairi said to Larsa as she sat down again.

“How did she find out one of the families owned a slaughterhouse?” Larsa asked.

“Public records probably,” Kairi muttered. “I hate public records.”

“Call your next witness,” Cid said.

“Defense calls Defendant Kefka Palazzo to the stand,” Larxene said.

Kairi straightened up and looked around. That was the name of the defendant who had gotten off during the actual trial. She couldn’t believe Larxene had gotten him to agree to appear during these proceedings. Larsa shared her thoughts. Larxene sat the chocobo doll down on the witness chair. Kairi blinked, processing what had just happened, then she and Larsa jumped to their feet roaring their objections.

“Defense has just called a stuffed animal to the stand,” Kairi said. “She’s making a mockery of this mock trial!”

“Your Honor approved of allowing these stuffed animals stand in for the defendants,” Larxene drawled.

“For representational purposes only,” Larsa said. “I refuse to cross examine a toy chocobo.”

“Then it’s a good thing you’re second chair,” she said, smirking.

Kairi wanted to hit her. Instead she said, “As the toy bird is not truly Kefka Palazzo and does not contain any sentience, therefore it is not possible to examine or cross examine it.”

“Plus stuffed toys can’t give a beating!” Yuffie shouted from the gallery. Kairi turned and glared at her, causing the ninja to hide behind the old man beside her. Kairi was fairly certain the old man was Professor Monteblanc.

Cid hit the podium with his gavel twice. “Order in the courtroom. The defense should know better than to pull stunts like this in an ethics class. The witness is soundly rejected. Call your next witness, and I’m warning you, Ms. Savage, it had better not be another stuffed animal.”

“The defense rests, your Honor,” Larxene said pleasantly. She looked like an overfed cat.

“Onto closing arguments then,” Cid said. He waved the gavel at Kairi. “You’re up.”

Kairi stood up and took a deep breath. Yuffie gave a wolf whistle, causing Kairi to splutter and Larxene to cackle. Cid threw his gavel at the ninja, causing her to duck. Larsa had to go and retrieve it for his professor. After another deep breath and throwing Yuffie the dirtiest look ever, Kairi moved to center stage.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the court,” Kairi began. “You have been brought together because a crime has been committed. Murder in the first degree. These three men set out in a pack to find a man, specifically a flamboyantly gay man who could not fight back. They lured him out of a known gay nightclub, forced him down the sidewalk, and beat him to death. They could have stopped after roughing Isaaru up a bit, or even after he was unconscious, but no, they didn’t stop until his blood stopped flying everywhere when they kicked him. The medical examiner counted sixty-seven separate postmortem bruises.”

She paused to glance at Cid. He was paying attention. “Witnesses had seen Mr. Palazzo and the others in the gay bar previous nights, despite them also being well known for their homophobic remarks and disciplinary reprimands for harassing gay students. While my esteemed colleague insists that all the blood on her defendants was from brawling in a slaughterhouse, who would possibly want to brawl in a slaughterhouse? And more importantly, why would their backs be completely clean if they were brawling in a slaughterhouse? That could only happen if they were able to stay on their feet and get splattered only from the front, like they were beating a man to death.

“While it is true DNA analysis was never performed on the bloody clothes, that is because the original trial occurred twenty years ago before DNA analysis commonly occurred.”

“Objection,” Larxene snapped, “Prosecution is supplying her own testimony.”

“Prosecution is allowed to say whatever the hell they want in their closing argument,” Cid said. “Besides, I know damn well the facts of this case and as a class project, she should try and explain why all modern technologies were not used on the evidence. Proceed, Kairi.”

“Thank you, sir. If this were the actual trial, as opposed to a class project, the blood would be run for DNA analysis, I assure you all of that fact. It would also undoubtedly prove to be Isaaru’s blood on Mr. Palazzo and the others,” Kairi said. “I understand the fear he felt in the last moments of his life, for I have felt it too, though in a diluted form. This case hits home for me because I’m also gay. That loudmouthed foreman, I’m the one she’s sleeping with.”

Kairi heard Larsa choke. Obviously, he hadn’t realized Seymour and Yuffie just couldn’t work as an item. 

“There are times, especially whenever I hear some loud mouthed frat boys joking about how they should beat up all the fags that I worry. I get scared that they’ll turn their anger and hate toward me or that they’ll try to cure me, turn me straight because all I need in my life is just a good man. When Isaaru was alive the temperament toward homosexuals was far worse than it is today. He had probably been beaten up many times in his life and yet he still refused to deny who he was. That takes courage, courage those three men over there robbed him of when they beat him to death. Isaaru Summoner died because Kefka Palazzo, Meyvn Nooj, and Biran Ronsa reduced him to a single inherent characteristic, his sexuality. Well, I do the same for those three; they’re guilty. Nothing more.”

She sat down next to Larsa. He goggled at her, surprised by her speech. When she looked at Yuffie the ninja was about to start clapping, but Kairi’s glare made her stop and she quietly laid her hands down in her lap. Larxene moved to the center of the court and looked Cid straight in the eye.

“I think opposing counsel has allowed her personal fears color her view,” Larxene said. “My clients may be guilty, but their guilt is of ignorance, nothing else. Not a single one of them would actually raise his hand against a human being in hate. In fact, each man was far more likely to do damage to himself acting like the teenaged boys they were. Every single scrap of evidence the prosecution presented can be explained by our explanation of the events. The blood patterning? Please, my boys had been wearing jackets they threw out because who really wants to wear clothes soaked in animal wastes? It’s the police’s fault they never bothered collecting them. As for being seen in a gay bar, it’s either a case of mistaken identity or perhaps they were figuring out their own sexualities, which Ms. Hart has made abundantly clear everyone has the right to do. Find these boys not guilty, there’s not enough to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that these men are anything but innocent.”

Larxene sat down again and smiled at Kairi. She looked triumphant. Kairi just glowered. That woman would say or mock anything. Kairi needed to get away from her before she scratched her eyes out.

“Court is now dismissed,” Cid said, banging his gavel.

“What, we don’t get to find out the verdict?” Yuffie asked.

“No,” Cid growled. “I need to think and grade.”

“But who won?”

Cid sighed and then looked directly at Yuffie. “If you really want to know, it was the defense.”

“What?” Larsa said as Larxene cackled and pumped her fist into the air.

‘Shit,’ Kairi thought, collecting her things. She walked over to her protesting girlfriend and towed her out of the classroom. “Let’s go home, Yuf, I need to lick my wounds.”

“But that’s just not right,” Yuffie shouted. “Larxene’s a sneaky lying bitch.”

“You and I both know it, but Cid’s made his decision,” Kairi said. “Come one, let’s go home.” And with that Yuffie stopped yelling, wrapped her arms around Kairi. They silently walked home.

***

Two days later Kairi reported to Cid’s office for her grade. He insisted on explaining her strengths and weaknesses in person. Yuffie tagged along, partly because she insisted, and partly because Kairi was worried her girlfriend would take a hit out on Larxene otherwise.

When Cid handed over her summary report the law student read it in silence. When she finished she lowered the piece of paper and looked at Cid in surprise. The professor just smiled at her.

“This grade doesn’t make any sense,” the law student said. “My side lost the case, but you’ve given me full marks.”

“While it’s true you lost the case, you were extremely ethical and kept not only to the letter of the law, but to the spirit as well,” Cid said. “Besides, if I only gave passing grades to the winning students, I’d have to see at least fifty percent of you bastards again next semester.”

“Seriously?” Yuffie said.

“Yes, that’s why I don’t particularly care about the cases’ outcomes,” Cid snapped. “Besides, if winning is all that matters, that sends the wrong message to young lawyers, at least it does considering this is an ethics class.”

“So I did well in the class?” Kairi asked.

“Top marks. You were my best student this semester,” Cid said. “I’d write you a letter of recommendation for any firm you’d like and I can guarantee you’d get it, kid.”

“I’ve already got an offer with the law firm I work for as a clerk,” Kairi said shyly. “Strife and Associates. Cloud, Cloud Strife is my boss and I think he said he was a student of yours years ago.”

Cid grinned after a moment and stuck an unlit cigarette in his mouth. “I remember him, little punk with gravity defying hair. He did good for himself. Terrible personality though.”

“That’s what he said about you!” Yuffie said. Cid glared at her.

“Technically, he said you were grumpier than he is,” Kairi said. Cid glared at her too, but then laughed. 

“What about Larxene?” Yuffie asked.

“She did a very good job decimating her opponent’s case,” Cid said. “Someday she’s going to be a force to be reckoned with. In fact, I doubt I’ll be using the Summoner case again for the mock trial portion. She proved it’s too outdated for today’s trial system, not enough scientific evidence.”

“So she did well too?” Kairi asked.

“By Leviathan no,” Cid said. “She pulled out almost every dirty trick in the book. I suppose I could have let her squeak by, since I don’t want her in my class again, but when she called a stuffed animal to the stand, I couldn’t let that pass. Nobody mocks my court.”

“So she flunked,” Yuffie said brightly.

“So hard I’m never admitting her in another one of my classes ever again,” Cid said. He blinked and rubbed his chin. “Probably shouldn’t tell anyone I just said that. Congratulations on your graduation, Ms. Hart. I assume you’ve got everything else already in order.”

“Yes,” Kairi said, smiling. She shook Cid’s hand. “I can’t wait until Saturday.”

“See ya later, old man,” Yuffie said gleefully.

Before Yuffie could aggravate her professor any further, Kairi guided the ninja out of the office. When they were safely down the hall and out of Cid’s earshot the law student started laughing.

“What is it babe?” Yuffie asked.

“I can’t believe Larxene flunked,” Kairi said. “I know it’s wrong to delight in her setback, but I can’t help it.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Yuffie said, patting Kairi on the back. “Everyone got what they deserved.”

“Thanks,” Kairi said. She linked arms with Yuffie and they ambled out of the building. She was so happy that all she had left for law school was the graduation ceremony itself. It was finally, almost over.


	30. Graduation, Kung Fu, and a Laundry Ninja

Yuffie yawned and stretched her arms above her head until she heard popping in her spine. Then she fell backwards and yawned again. If she had a plan, things were going according to it. Kairi just had her mock trial left and was graduating in a week. In the mean time, all Yuffie had to do was stay out of trouble.

‘Actually, I probably shouldn’t think that way,’ Yuffie thought. She rolled onto her belly and grabbed a pillow to stuff under her chin. ‘The moment I start thinking everything is going swimmingly, Leviathan likes to stir the pot.’

Her phone rang. Yuffie glared at it.

‘Just like that!’ She scowled at the device, picking it up to hurl it out the window. However, she thought better of it when she saw the caller ID.

“What do ya want, Leon?” Yuffie snapped. “Trouble?”

“And a good afternoon to you too,” he said.

“I don’t care what you’re calling about, I took the week off,” Yuffie said. “The whole week completely and utterly off. Zip. Nada. You look at my calendar right now and you see a black hole of nothingness. I am out of reach. Indisposed. I am—“

“—going to shut up and listen,” Leon. “I’m the first to say you’ve been working hard and deserve a break, but this can’t wait. The sooner you hear me out, the sooner you get back to your break.”

“Fine.”

“I got you a part in a film.”

“You’re kidding, right? What movie?”

“A Leiden film.”

“As in Yang Fang Leiden?”

“Yes.”

“Holy fuck,” Yuffie said. Yang Fang Leiden was the best current master of the silver screen.

“It’s a sizeable role, especially when you consider the fact you’ve never acted.”

“But isn’t that going to be a problem, because you know, I’ve never acted!”

“We’ve got that covered.”

“How?”

“I’ll explain that later. What I need you to do now is meet me. I’ll introduce you to some of your new coworkers. We need to test the waters, just to make certain you fit in with the rest and they’re only in town for a couple days.”

“Leon, I’m an athlete, not an actor.”

“Now you get to be both. Yuffie, believe me when I say this is exactly what you want. You said you wanted to do more with your martial arts background and this is the perfect chance to do it. Just about all these people are athletes at the top of their respective fields. This is the best opportunity to work with people of this caliber.”

Yuffie sighed. He was more excited about this than he had been about anything in a while. “Alright, I’ll give it a shot, but I promise nothing. And I ain’t signing anything!”

“Good enough.” Leon gave her the address before hanging up.

Yuffie got up and stretched a little. If nothing else, it would give her a chance to exercise a little. Her flight home the other day left her cramped and nauseated, so she needed to show the ole intestine who was in charge.

Before she left home Yuffie had to check on Kairi. “You okay under all that paper?” the ninja asked.

”Fine,” Kairi said. “Just revising on my witness testimony.”

“Can I do anything for you? I’m going out for a bit.”

“Umm…” Kairi leaned back on her chair. “Can you pick up my dry cleaning? I need it for the mock trial, but I’ve got an exam in an hour and for some reason I haven’t gotten around to it yet. The trial is tomorrow, so I really need this suit picked up tonight before they close.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” Yuffie said. She waded into the paper swamp surrounding Kairi and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s head. “Course I’ll get your dry cleaning. Anything I’ll need?”

“The receipt’s on the fridge. I prepaid, so you literally need to just show up and give them the receipt.”

“Got it,” Yuffie said, kissing Kairi quickly.

“One more thing, Yuf.”

“Yeah?”

“Can you get off my crime scene photos?”

“Sorry,” Yuffie laughed. She grabbed the receipt and fled the apartment.

It didn’t take her very long to reach Leon’s location. He stood in front of a big empty looking warehouse near the beach. When he caught sight of Yuffie he looked visibly relieved.

“Come on,” he said, opening the front door. “We can’t keep Yang Fang waiting.”

“Yang Fang Leiden is inside,” Yuffie said.

“Yes and you’re having a spar with him, which is why I needed you here ten minutes ago.”

“Why am I sparring with him? “

“That’s his way of making certain you fit in with the rest of his team, which I know you will. Are you ready, or do you need more time?”

“Squally,” Yuffie said grinning as she stretched, “I’m always ready for a fight.”

She walked inside and looked around. While it looked like an empty building on the outside, the inside certainly was not. There were several dozen people inside the building. Most of them surrounded a padded circular ring, where a single man stood. 

He was the largest man Yuffie had seen in recent memory. He was tall and broad with giant vein popping muscles covered his chest and forearms. This, combined with the fact he had a single long blonde braid from the back of his head and a thick bushy mustache, told Yuffie he could only be Yang Fang Leiden. He had a hundred pounds on her, fast, and if the movies were accurate, strong enough to break a brick wall with his fists. This was going to be an exciting fight.

She strode up to the ring and hopped in. This move caught the attention of everyone around her. Figuring she may as well set things in motion Yuffie greeted Leiden. “Hey there, Yang Fang Leiden!”

“Ms. Kisaragi,” Yang said, nodding at her.

“Call me Yuffie, everyone does,” Yuffie said, shaking hands with Yang. “So I understand I’m in if I beat you.”

Everyone laughed at Yuffie’s statement except for Yang. He inclined his head to get a better look at Yuffie then said gravely, “You do not have to beat me, after all this is only a spar, Yuffie. If you can hold our own tat should be more than adequate, miss.”

“I hope you’re not planning on going easy on me just because I’m a girl,” Yuffie said, taking off her jacket and throwing it to Leon. “So are we going now or do we need to wait for something?”

“I assure you,” Yang said, falling back into a crouch, “I take every interaction with utmost seriousness.”

They both stood in their fighting poses sizing each other up for a moment. Then Yuffie hit the ground as Yang’s foot whipped out to the point her head had been a moment ago. She kicked out at his remaining point of support, but he leapt back before Yuffie could connect. With the grace of a ninja Yuffie was back on her feet. Any chuckles from the audience about a surfer taking on the Great Leiden had vanished.

“Who taught you?” asked Yang. He edged toward Yuffie’s right, causing her to move to the left.

“My father,” she said, after they had exchanged places. She charged forward and struck at his throat. Yang blocked it and then the other six well-aimed strikes. She retreated out of his strike range before adding, “Godo Kisaragi.”

“I remember him,” Yang said. He threw a kick so suddenly it nearly took Yuffie’s head off. Apparently his range was farther than she had thought. She barely dodged his leg, but did manage to jab her elbow into his calf. It felt like she had hit a rock.

‘What is this guy made of?’ she wondered, retreating again. Instead she asked, “Where’d you meet my old man?”

“We both trained under Master Eraqus when I was but a boy,” Yang said. “He was good, but Godo and Master Eraqus had a falling out. That was almost forty years ago.”

“How old are you?” Yuffie asked. “Because my pops is like ancient.”

“Old enough to know all the tricks you’re using,” he said, throwing a fist directly at her. He was too fast for Yuffie to dodge, so she had to block. The punch sent her flying and left her ulnas feeling like they had shattered. She could not take another blow like that. “Can you show me anything new, Yuffie, or did you only learn the techniques Godo obtained before he was sent away half trained?”

‘How exactly am I going to win this?’ she thought glancing around the ring. A crazy thought occurred to her. It was also the best thought she had at the moment. “I don’t know if this’ll be new to you, but I can show ya something.”

“Please do.”

Yuffie zigzagged toward him. Yang Fang Leiden threw a couple of blows at her, but she nimbly dodged them. She flew past him and ran up one of the poles holding the ring together. By the time she was at the top of the pole Yang had already turned around. He kicked at her feet and Yuffie jumped off the pole and landed on his leg before propelling off the leg and somersaulted over Yang Fang Leiden’s head. While in midair Yuffie used her centripetal force to slam her fists into the back of Yang’s head at the base. Then Yuffie landed on her feet.

Yang Fang Leiden crumpled and hit the ground. There was a collective gasp. Yuffie turned around and looked worriedly at her fallen opponent. She had meant to knock him out, but now she was a little worried she had hit him too hard. She shouldn’t have worried though, because she could suddenly hear him laughing. Within moments he crawled to his feet still chuckling. He turned to Yuffie and clapped a hand onto Yuffie’s shoulder.

“Now that was an unexpected technique,” Yang said, still smiling. “You have to be the nimblest woman I’ve met. I would be delighted to have you sign on for this film.”

“I can’t believe you’re standing there looking completely unfazed after that hit,” Yuffie said. “What are you made of?”

“Flesh and bone, just like everyone else, my dear.” He smiled at her. “My wife wakes me up with a frying pan to the head every morning.”

“Wow,” she said. “So when does this thing start?”

“Friday,” he said. “We fly out to the set on Thursday.”

“Are you serious?” she said.

“Yuffie,” Leon said, moving forward, “This is a great opportunity.”

Yuffie hopped out of the ring. She moved forward and hissed in Leon’s ear. “I can’t leave in three days for parts unknown. Kairi graduates on Saturday!”

“Don’t worry, Yuffie,” Leon said. “Everything will work. We can probably catch a later flight and then join them on site after Saturday. Just calm down.”

Yuffie pulled back, frowning. She didn’t like the way things were headed, but she did trust Leon. He had never previously steered her wrong, but this just felt like it was moving too fast. Also, how was she possibly going to tell Kairi about this? Odds were, she’d be gone for something like six months or even a year. Kairi hadn’t signed on to something like that.

‘Heck, she doesn’t like it when I’m gone for month,’ Yuffie thought chewing her lip. ‘How am I going to convince her not to kill me if I have to leave now for a year?’

“You seem disturbed, Yuffie,” Yang said gently.

“I’m just trying to figure out how I’ll tell my girlfriend about this,” Yuffie said. “She doesn’t know about any of this. Hell, until an hour ago I didn’t know anything about any of this.”

“I see,” Yang said. “My wife and I used to have similar problems, especially our daughter was young. Would you care to discuss some of the resolutions we found?” Yuffie stared at him for a moment before smiling and nodding.

Two hours later Yuffie was running across town. She had stayed with the movie people way longer than expected and now she was fairly certain the drycleaners were closed. When she finally arrived she found her suspicions were correct. They had closed twenty minutes ago.

“Fuck,” she said, running her hands through her hair. “Shit, shit, fuck!” Banging her head against the glass she sighed. Kairi asked for one simple thing and that was only after she had offered. ‘Now what am I gonna do?’ she wondered.

***

“By Leviathan I hope this works,” Yuffie whispered.

She breathed deeply once more then launched herself at the tiny window. It had opened inward when she pushed at it earlier, but the rectangular opening was so small she was uncertain she’d fit through. Still, her shoulders hadn’t gotten any bigger than that time she had to escape through a bathroom window in Guam, so Yuffie figured she’d be okay.

Her head, arms, and shoulders went through okay, but she got stuck at the hips. Yuffie was pretty certain it was because she ran out of momentum and not because she was too fat. This was proven to be the case when she pushed on the bathroom walls and quickly slid through.

That was how Yuffie found herself hurtling headfirst into a toilet bowl. Giving herself a swirly was the last thing Yuffie wanted. She stuck her hands out and caught the lip of the seat just before her face entered the bowl. After a moment she realized she wasn’t going to fall anymore and sighed. Swinging her body slightly she was able to flip off the toilet and land on her feet.

She washed her hands and silently crept out of the bathroom. Fishing around in her pocket Yuffie extracted Kairi’s receipt. From the looks of the shop all the dry cleaned clothing was hung up somewhere bagged and tagged. So all Yuffie had to do was shift through the clean stuff until she found a tag that matched her slip. It might be a little more difficult to do in the dark, but Yuffie could manage. She was fairly certain she had a mini-flashlight in her pocket somewhere. Another fishing expedition rewarded her with said flashlight and the real search began.

It was annoying work. All the handwriting was spidery, which was difficult to read in the wavering light and spelled out some sort of code. Yuffie didn’t understand the code, which meant she had to check every single entry until she found Kairi’s instead of skipping straight to it.

Finally Yuffie found it. With a cackle she pulled the suit off the rack. The moment she did so something heavy smashed into the back of her head, which dropped her. Yuffie was fairly certain the head block knocked her out because it was a shock when she hit the floor. She was aware and reeling. She quickly rolled away until hitting the wall, trying to escape her attacker.

With a curse she realized she had dropped the suit. She saw the tip of something metal in the light steaming into the shop from the storefront window. With a well-timed barrel roll she avoided something that made a ringing clang as it hit the wall. Yuffie leapt up onto the counter and searched for her attacker, but couldn’t make him out in the dark. 

She grabbed a coat hanger and caught the weapon when it soared at her face. It was an oversized shuriken. She grinned. Whoever this guy was, he had just put himself into a world of hurt by choosing a weapon the Great Ninja Yuffie was overly familiar with to attack her. Sliding her hand down the flat of the blade she grabbed the weapon by slipping her fingers through two bored holes in the column. With a twist Yuffie had sized the shuriken and slashed at her attacker with his own weapon.

There was a growl, confirming the gender of her attacker to be male. Yuffie made a follow through blow and lodged the shuriken under his chin. He tried to struggle out of her grasp, but Yuffie just pressed harder.

“If you keep resisting you will cut yourself,” Yuffie said. “This blade seems sharp enough that it’d probably go in quite deep.” She reached around and found her mini-flashlight. Then she clicked it on and shined it in her attacker’s face.

He was a young man, but he had silvery white hair. Yuffie couldn’t tell if it was a dye job or if it was natural like Riku’s, but probably didn’t matter. He scowled nastily at her and seemed to be glaring at her, but the bright light in his eyes had him squinting. 

“Hey kid, why exactly did you try to kill me?” Yuffie asked.

He tried to spit in her face, but missed. Yuffie wanted to press harder, but restrained herself. Technically, she probably shouldn’t be holding him at shuriken point since she had illegally entered, but she wasn’t going to let him slice her open either.

“I’m on a deadline and I’m going to be seriously pissed if I have to sit here and wait for you to calm down. Or I can just beat you until you’re unconscious, although I’d rather not. It’d be for my own protection, see?”

“You’re a goddamn thief!” the boy spat. “Nobody steals from my parents!”

“I’m not stealing, I’m picking up my goddamn laundry,” Yuffie said. “You guys have shitty hours. I prepaid.” She shifted the flashlight to her teeth so that she could hold the receipt in front of his face.

He blinked in surprise. “You still broke in.”

“Your bathroom window was unlocked,” Yuffie said. “Are you going to attack me again if I let you up? It’s a serious pain in the ass to keep holding the shuriken steady without harming you.”

“I promise,” he said.

“Are you giving me your word?”

“I am.”

“And why should I trust it?”

“Ninja’s honor. You’ve gotta be one too with those moves,” he said, sounding almost impressed. “I swear on my name as Edward Geraldine.”

Yuffie left him up. He rose slowly to his feet and looked at her warily. Yuffie didn’t return his blade.

“I am sorry about sneaking in here,” Yuffle said. “But I couldn’t go home without that suit… which is now badly crumpled. Shit, Kairi’s gonna kill me.”

Edward picked up the suit and brushed off the front. “It doesn’t look too bad,” he said. “Suit’s still clean, I guess I could iron it for you. Umm… for an additional fee.”

Yuffie looked in her wallet and pulled out the largest bill she had. “I’ll give you 500 gil if you do that and not call the cops. What are you even doing in here at this hour of the night?”

Edward flipped on the lights. “You see the rafters up there?” he asked. “They make great practice for running along narrow surfaces.” He set up and ironing board and plugged in an iron to begin fixing Kairi’s suit. “By the way,” he said shyly, “My friends call me Edge.”

“I’m the great Ninja Yuffie,” Yuffie said, shaking his hand.

She got home an hour later to find Kairi reading in bed. When the redhead saw her she started to rise, but Yuffie stopped her. The ninja thrust the newly ironed suit into her girlfriend’s hand.

“Oh thanks, Yuf,” Kairi said, examining the clothing. “I was worried you forgot. Not that I’m complaining, but you’re home a little later than expected.”

“You would not believe the day I’ve had,” Yuffie said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “First I had to fight a kung fu movie star and then a laundry ninja.”

“A laundry ninja?”

“Yes, a laundry ninja. You wouldn’t expect it with a name like Geraldine, but they’re ninjas. Or at least Edge is. He can also iron some neat pleats.”

“My hero,” Kairi laughed. She kissed Yuffie.

“Are you ready to face off with Larxene tomorrow?” Yuffie asked.

“I am now,” Kairi said, wiggling the suit. “Thanks to you.”

***

“I don’t get it,” Yuffie said yet again. “How could Cid decide in the bitch from hell’s favor?”

“I don’t know, could you drop it?” Kairi said. She buried her head in her pillow.

“I mean, you’re closing argument kicked ass! And you had all that great evidence. The man must be senile! I outta go and give him a piece of my mind.”

“And you don’t have enough to spare!” Kairi snapped. Her face crumpled like Yuffie had kicked her. “I’m sorry, Yuffie. I didn’t mean that.”

“You’re upset, I get it,” Yuffie said. She wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and pulled Kairi’s head onto her chest.

“What if this means Cid is failing me?” Kairi asked. “I need that ethics credit to graduate. I—I can’t stand the thought of taking another semester. I just can’t!”

“We’ll see him tomorrow and make him give you a passing grade,” Yuffie said firmly.

“We are not threatening my ethics professor. That would be an ethics violation.”

“Course not, we’ll just use ninja tactics to make him see reason. If he takes offense we’ll just flee to Midgar.”

“Specifically Midgar?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“ I kinda got a job offer there.”

“What?” Kairi sat up and stared. “Doing what?”

“A kung fu movie. With Yang Fang Leiden. It’s a sequel to Land of the Dragons and the filming is in Hong Kong. Leon really wants me to do it.” Yuffie paused because she was getting The Look. Kairi might have also stopped breathing. She poked her side.

“Is there anything else I should know?” Kairi asked calmly. Way too calmly in Yuffie’s opinion. 

“They want me to fly out tomorrow, but I told them no way, I wasn’t missing your graduation,” Yuffie said, feeling herself begin to babble. “So that means I can’t leave until Saturday, or rather Saturday evening since you graduate in the afternoon, but really that just seems a bit soon so Leon get me tickets for Sunday and I was planning to tell you before Sunday obviously because I’m not an idiot.”

“Obviously.” Yuffie had a sneaking suspicion that her girlfriend was being sarcastic.

“But I only found out a couple days ago myself and then I met Yang Fang Leiden and then I fought Yang Fang Leiden and I thought I killed him, but he’s made out of adamantium or something so his wife wakes him up with a frying pan and then I had to fight that laundry ninja and then and then and then…”

“And then?” Kairi pressed while Yuffie gasped for air.

“And then you were so sad about your case I didn’t really know how to tell you because that’ll make you sadder. So I goofed that up.”

They stared at each other in silence. Kairi’s lips had turned into this thin pencil line and Yuffie could see the tear stains from earlier on her face. She looked miserable and at least part of that was Yuffie’s fault.

“I can cancel my part,” Yuffie said. “I still haven’t signed anything yet. I mean It’s all too soon and I told Leon that, but he wouldn’t listen, which is very unLeonish. Kairi, Kairi, I’m sorry. We had plans to spend time together as soon as you finished up school and this is messing them up, which is a big no-no. We’ll just pretend this never happened.”

“No we can’t,” Kairi said. She pulled out a suitcase, Yuffie’s normal to go bag. “You obviously want to do this and if I made you give up your big chance you’d resent me for it.”

“No I wouldn’t!”

Kairi looked up at her. “Yes you would,” she said quietly. “I know you, Yuffie. You love surfing and you’re damn good at it, but your heart is set on being an action hero. Why else do you always introduce yourself as ‘The Great Ninja Yuffie?’ Half the time you seem to forget you surf professionally. This is the best chance for you to transition into a career you’d love for the rest of your life and I’m not going to stand in your way.”

“You’re not in my way,” Yuffie said, getting up. “You are my way.”

Kairi stroked Yuffie’s face. “I love you and I know you love me. That hasn’t changed in the five and a half years we’ve been together and I don’t think it will any time in the future. Or it won’t as long as we don’t wreck each other’s dreams and this is one of yours. I know it is because you are more like your father than you will ever admit.”

“Kairi,” Yuffie whined.

“I’m not going to be mad with you if you do this,” Kairi said. “In fact, I might be mad with you if you don’t, especially if it’s only because of me. “I’m used to you being gone, Yuffie, it’s a fact of our life. Six months to a year is an exceptionally long period, I’ll give you that, but there are worse things in life. Like you being miserable.”

Yuffie took Kairi’s hand in hers. “I’d never be miserable with you.”

“And I don’t want that to change. End of discussion, at least for now. I really don’t want to fight with you over this, it’s not worth it.”

Yuffie wanted to say something, to keep arguing, but she couldn’t figure out what to say. She also had a sneaking suspicion that anything else she said would only lead to more conflict. So she pulled Kairi into her arms and hugged her tight. Kairi hugged her back, which had to be a good sign.

“I’m coming with you to see the coot tomorrow,” Yuffie said. “United we stand, you know?”

“I know,” Kairi said. “And now I want to be alone for a bit. Can you respect that?”

Yuffie nodded, letting Kairi go. The redhead crawled back into bed and nodded and Yuffie. The ninja walked out of the room and shut the door. She kicked the couch feeling frustrated. She couldn’t tell if she was angry because Kairi was mad with her or if it was because Kairi wasn’t angrier.

‘This whole situation sucks!’ Yuffie thought storming out onto the balcony. She wanted to scream. Instead she decided to yell at the person who was at fault for the entire situation. The moment he picked up Yuffie snapped, “Why the hell didn’t you tell me you knew Yang Fang Leiden?”

“What are you going on about, girlie?” Godo asked.

“Yang Fang Leiden, the fighting monk,” Yuffie said. “You know him and he knows you. So why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“You never listen to me when I tell you important things! Why should I bother telling you unimportant things? You’ll just keep ignoring me!”

“I’m listening now!”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Afraid to admit you’re a quitter?”

“Is that what he told you, that I quit?” Yuffie could hear him bristle. That comment had seriously offended him.

“Leiden said you left in disgrace before completing your training,” Yuffie said. “That sounds like a quitter to me.” 

“I was sent away in disgrace with no option to return.”

Yuffie scanned the city before asking what for.

“While I was a student of Master Eraqus I developed a new move,” Godo said. “It was such a good move Master Eraqus decided to appropriate it as his own. I argued this because I felt it was mine because I created, even if it occurred while I was still under his tutelage and he ignored me. When I still pressed the issue he expelled me.”

“Are you serious?” Yuffie said, aghast.

“Yes, Yuffie, and that is why we do not associate with Eraqus or his students.”

“That’s not cool.”

“No, it is not. Now what brought up this subject for you, child?”

“I’m probably doing a movie with Yang Fang Leiden,” Yuffie said, “and he mentioned you.”

“You cannot work with him! We do nit associate with those people!”

“Your people aren’t my people.”

“I’ll disown you!”

“You mean like you did when I broke mom’s vase? Or when I decided to go to college? Or when I came out?”

“This is different!” Godo hissed. “This is about Family honor!”

“You mean your honor.”

“They branded me a liar, which means they consider you the daughter of a liar!”

Yuffie stiffened at this. “Then I’ll just have to prove them wrong. Goodbye Godo.” She hung up before he could respond.

Yuffie tapped her phone against the railing and sighed. She knew her ninja sense were right, this job was more trouble than it was worth. Now she not only had to decide if she was taking the job, but also stabilize her relationship with Kairi, and restore honor to her family. Honor her father conveniently forgot to mention he had lost.

“Fuck, this is getting confusing,” Yuffie growled. Giving up for now she went for a run.

***

“You look beautiful,” Yuffie said, smiling gently.

Kairi bit her lip, trying to hold back a smile and failing. Yuffie liked how a simple compliment could still make her girlfriend blush. A light dusting a pink across Kairi’s nose and cheeks looked adorable on her.

“It’s just a cap and gown,” Kairi said. “Nothing really that special.”

“Nonsense,” Yuffie said, snapping a picture. “You’re graduating today and that makes this super extra special. I want to remember every moment. There’s just one thing I don’t get.”

“What’s that?” Kairi asked, taking off her mortarboard.

“Why is everything white? Isn’t it supposed to be black?”

“Our school colors are black and white,” Kairi said. “Twilight puts the undergrads in black and the grads in white for the ceremony. That includes the law and veterinary schools. It’s to show we’ve completed a higher level of education.”

“That makes sense.”

“Come on,” Kairi said, pulling off her robe. “We need to pick up my parents. Their plane arrives in an hour.” She folded up the robe and packed it into a bag with the mortarboard. “I don’t want to be late.”

“That means we’ve got forty minutes,” Yuffie said, taking her hand. ”And we are going to spend those minutes here because thinking about your mom drives you crazy and I plan on distressing you. Leviathan knows when I’ll get another chance.”

“You know this will probably make us late.” She sounded serious, but Yuffie could see the huge grin on Kairi’s face. Her protest was only for form’s sake and Yuffie knew she would soon say yes. By Bahamut Yuffie loved this special limited time only responsibility-free Kairi.

“Ten to one odds their plane will be late.” That was all it took. Much to Yuffie’s surprise Kairi jumped her.

In the end though, Yuffie was wrong. Mr. and Ms. Hart’s plane arrived early and Mrs. Hart was most annoyed with the both of them when they showed up late and bedraggled. Personally, Yuffie didn’t understand why they had to meet Kairi’s parents at the airport, since they didn’t have a car to take them home in, but there were weirder things out there. Her own father insisted on checking closet in the house for burglars before going to bed, including the three closets they kept locked specifically to cut down on burglar hiding spots. At least Yuffie could see Kairi was full of mirth. While her mother squawked about irresponsible behavior on the trolley to campus Kairi leaned over and nuzzled Yuffie’s neck.

“You’re in a good mood,” Yuffie whispered.

“I’m actually in a state of terror,” Kairi whispered back. “I’ve never not been in school before and how that’s over. So I may look cool as a cucumber, but on the inside I’m panicking.”

“You hide it well.”

“I’m focusing on you.”

“Then you’re not mad at me for the Leiden thing anymore?”

Kairi sighed and looked away. “I haven’t had time to think about it and now there isn’t any,” she said.

“Well, we don’t have any other time.”

The trolley rounded a corner pushing the passengers into each other. Yuffie could see the university now and knew they were about to arrive. She needed an answer now.

“Kairi?” Yuffie asked.

“This is our stop,” Kairi said. She repeated this to her parents before herding them off the trolley. “We’ve got to separate now. Will you make certain my parents get to their seats?”

Yuffie nodded, although she wasn’t happy.

Kairi hugged her parents then kissed Yuffie’s cheek. “You’ll make the right choice, Yuf. And no, I don’t know what that is,” Kairi said. “Although if you do go, you’d better stick around long enough to say a proper goodbye.” Then she was gone.

‘Well, that was no help,’ Yuffie thought. She pulled Mrs. Hart’s bag out of her hand and said, “Come on, I think I know where we’re going.”

Leading Mrs. Hart was like herding cats. Yuffie tried to move forward and Mrs. Hart would stop to look at a mural, or talk to a student, or complain about the size of the campus. Whenever the ninja tried to direct her Mrs. Hart insisted she knew better and went the opposite way. She refused to believe Yuffie knew the campus, despite the fact Yuffie was the one with a map. It took over an hour to get the Harts to the proper auditorium where the law school’s graduation ceremony was to occur.

‘I never thought she would inflict her mother as a deadly weapon,’ Yuffie thought darkly as Mrs. Hart wandered into the ladies’ restroom. ‘This is totally payback for flirting with that job.’

“I want to thank you, Yuffie,” Mr. Hart said.

“What for?” Yuffie asked, surprised out of her murder fantasy.

“For taking care of my wife and me,” he said. “I know you would much rather be with our daughter right now.”

“It’s no problem, Mr. Hart,” Yuffie said. “I’d be stuck out here in the stands even if I was on my own.”

“Frank,” Mr. Hart said. At Yuffie’s inquiring look he added, “I want you to call me by my first name, Frank. You make my little girl extremely happy and while I am often out of the loop, I have a suspicion you two will be together or many years to come.”

“Okay Frank,” Yuffie said, feeling weirded out.

“I just wanted you to know you’re family, even if we don’t always make you feel that way. If it helps, my wife ignores Kairi the same way she ignores you.”

“Got it.”

They lapsed into silence, standing there for another minute before Mrs. Hart emerged. Another direction battle ensued before Yuffie and Mr. Hart managed to situate Mrs. Hart on a bleacher. Yuffie looked around. The auditorium was crowded and people were still trickling into the room. They were situated in the upper balcony seats, where the stage was far away and tiny. Yuffie was glad she was gifted with ninja eagle eyes so that she could see okay. Mr. Hart had brought a camera with a powerful zoom function, while Mrs. Hart had opera glasses. They were ready just in time, as the first law graduate began to walk before Mrs. Hart could start complaining again.

‘If anyone ever tells you graduations are exciting they are lying their asses off,’ Yuffie thought as yet another white robed person walked across the stage. ‘I mean, everyone is stuck in uncomfortable seats listening to long rambling speeches that go on forever.”

She looked down and tried to spot her girl out in the crowd. It was difficult, but she was fairly certain Kairi was sitting third from the end in one of the middle rows. There weren’t that many people with bright red hair, natural or otherwise.

‘I wonder if she’s going to go prematurely grey?’ she thought, staring intently at the probable Kairi. ‘People with that natural shade often do… Kairi’d probably look good with grey hair, a light grey. By Ixion, why have they only reached D?’

The ceremony continued to drag on. A single person would be announced, walk across the stage, shake the hand of this pudgy old dude, and exit down the center aisle only to return to her original seat. Diplomas weren’t even passed on the grounds there were simply too many people to get that in the proper order here. At least that’s what Kairi had said when she explained how the process worked. She was expecting her diploma to arrive via postal service in about two weeks.

‘I can never ever tell her I regret sitting through this,’ Yuffie thought as some dude with blue hair shook hands with the pudgy man. She thought he might be one of the guys from the mock trial, but Yuffie couldn’t be certain. As for the pudgy man, Yuffie had no idea who he was. He was probably a president or dean or something like that.

“Look alive,” Mr. Hart said, tapping Yuffie’s shoulder. “That was the last of the Gs. Kairi should be up soon.”

Yuffie straightened up and began paying attention. She finally accurately located her redhead. She was second in line about to cross the stage. She looked good, confident and collected, like an ideal graduate. The moment had arrived. Yuffie forgot about her own personal discomfort and focused on the love of her life.

“Hart, Kairi,” the pudgy man boomed. 

Kairi stepped up onto the stage from the left side. She glanced down to be certain of her footing and then strode confidently forward. She looked up to her right and seemed to stare straight up at Yuffie. Yuffie gave a loud whistle and waved. Kairi reached the fat man and shook his hand. He seemed to say something to her before letting go. Then Kairi turned and gracefully walked down the steps before strolling back to her seat. Before sitting down she winked at Yuffie.

Yuffie silently thanked Leviathan, Santa Claus, and the rest of the pantheon for allowing her to be there for this moment. There was nothing on earth she wanted more than to watch her girl succeed. It was in that moment Yuffie knew there could never be a substitute for Kairi. It was her or nothing.

The rest of the ceremony wasn’t worth mentioning in Yuffie’s opinion. It was long and boring and there was no longer any reason to pay attention. Thankfully, it finally ended and Yuffie was reunited with her girl. There was a plethora of photos taken. Some with Yuffie and Kairi, some of Kairi and her parents, a few of all four of them together, and even a couple of just Kairi. 

Eventually the four of them were able to escape the great auditorium. They were among literally thousands fleeing the scene, yet there were still many people milling about and chatting. Kairi even had to stop several time and chat with other graduates. Most were people Yuffie had never even heard of, but she still found herself being introduced to each new person. It was hard to be cheerful and outgoing with every new person, as she couldn’t feel her butt anymore. It was completely numb.

It looked like they had run out of people to meet. Yuffie shook her arms and legs, hoping to get some feeling back in them before she hauled Kairi over her shoulder and made a dash for the trolley. Instead she heard a familiar voice shout at her and stop her in mid grab.

“Get back here you little shits, just because you graduated doesn’t mean I’m done with you, Hart.” That could only be Professor Cid Highwind. When he caught up nodded at Yuffie and said, “Ninja girl.”

“Crazy old coot,” was Yuffie’s response.

“Congratulations, Kairi, I’m very proud of you,” Cid said, shaking Kairi’s hand. “And you won’t believe who I found skulking around.” He jerked a thumb over his shoulder to reveal Cloud. “You wouldn’t believe it to look at him, but Strife is also happy for you.”

“I am delighted with your progress,” Cloud said, smiling. Yuffie couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him genuinely seen him smile at something other than Link, so it was worth noting.

“And who are these men, Kairi?” Mrs. Hart asked.

“This is my favorite professor, Cid Highwind, and my boss, Cloud Strife,” Kairi said as she began introductions.

Yuffie could tell this conversation was going to take a while and possibly turn into dinner. So she shot Cloud a salute, because Kairi was took busy keeping her mother in check to pay attention, and wandered off. When it was time to go Kairi would yell for her or call her phone.

As if on cue, the moment Yuffie wandered up to the street a black limo pulled up. Before Yuffie realized what was happening, two martial artists—a petite blonde girl and a muscular man, also blond—jumped out of the car. They grabbed her and threw her in the back seat before leaping in themselves. Before the door was even shut the limo drove away.

“Do not tell me I was just fucking kidnapped,” Yuffie snarled as she righted herself.

“Fine, I won’t,” the girl laughed.

Yuffie turned to glare at her, but stopped short when she saw Yang Fang Leiden and Leon seated in the limo. Both looked uncomfortable about what had just occurred, but obviously, neither had stopped it.

“You,” she snarled, pointing a finger at Leon. “You let this happen?”

“We waited until after Kairi’s graduation was over,” Leon said, but even he wasn’t buying his excuse.

“You people kidnapped me off the street!” Yuffie shrieked. “Kairi’s probably freaking out right now and I’m supposed to be at war with your family, Leiden!”

“Why’s that?” the girl asked.

“Ursula,” Yang said in a warning tone. “Ms. Kisaragi’s nerves are already frayed from our poor treatment. Do not provoke her.”

“Who are you people?” Yuffie demanded.

“This is my daughter Ursula,” Yang said, “and our costar Sabin Figaro.”

“Hello,” Sabin said. He sounded like what Yuffie thought an Italian would sound like.

“I still don’t understand why you had to go and kidnap me,” Yuffie snapped.

“We were worried you wouldn’t make up your mind in time,” Leon said. “Mr. Leiden already pushed the departure date back several days for your convince. I knew you’d decide to do this, so I decided we would help you get there.”

Yuffie punched Leon in the face. It happened so fast no one reacted until there was blood dripping from Leon’s nose.

“I deserved that,” he said.

“You ever pull a stunt like this again and I’ll fire your ass,” Yuffie yelled. “I am not the type of girl who gets kidnapped!”

“Well, it looks like you are now,” Ursula laughed. Yuffie ignored her.

“You mentioned being at war with my family?” Yang said, trying to change the flow of the conversation.

“My father says your sacred master stole a move he made and then exiled him,” Yuffie said. “That’s more than enough to start a feud between different martial lineages.”

“Master Erquas would never do such a thing!” Ursula said.

“Do you have any basis for your accusations?” Yang asked.

“My old man’s a drunk and the most stubborn man alive, but he’s no liar and no cheat,” Yuffie said. “I’d bet my reputation on it.”

“And it is a good reputation” Yang said gravely. “I will have to think about this. Which move is in question?”

Yuffie began describing the complicated move her father developed in his youth. Yang listened intently and seemed to understand exactly what she was talking about. The other three seemed to tune her out after a moment, but Yang understood. When she finished he sat there and thought for a moment before responding.

“I recognize that move,” he said. “And I remember my master performing in on many an occasion. If I recall correctly, he claimed the move as his, but never said that he created it. While that may be a small distinction, it is a distinction and it is in your father’s favor.”

“I see,” Yuffie said slowly.

“If you were to perform that move in our film everyone would assume that the move is yours, which would return it to the Kisaragi family.”

“Then I accept my role,” Yuffie said. Everyone in the car relaxed. Apparently she was more valuable to this film than she had realized. “But I’m not leaving for Midgar tonight.”

“Why not?” Yang asked.

“Think you’re too good to fly with us?” Ursula asked.

“You kidnapped me in front of my girlfriend,” Yuffie said. “She’s freaked and I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.”

“So?”

“I promised her I’d say goodbye and an honorable person always keeps her promises.” Yuffie flicked Ursula on the nose. “I’ll catch up with you people in a few days after I’ve packed.”

Yuffie lunged for the door, kicked it open and fell out of the moving vehicle. They had been going about thirty miles an hour, so she rolled several times and bruised herself. Still, she was quickly on her feet and waved the limo goodbye. As soon as the limo was out of sight Yuffie whipped out her cell phone and called Kairi.

“Yuffie? My god, Yuffie, are you okay?” Kairi said as soon as the call connected.

“I’m fine, babe,” Yuffie said. “Leiden’s people just decided to kidnap me so that we could settle the terms of our agreement. Are Spiky, Cid and Link joining us for dinner?”

“Yeah,” Kairi said. “So what did you decide?”

“I’m doing the film, but I’m not flying to Midgar until I’m fucking ready,” Yuffie said proudly.

“Congratulations.”

“Thank you. Umm… can someone come pick me up? I just jumped out of a moving car and I don’t know where I am.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Kairi promised. Yuffie believed her.

***

“So I think I’m packed,” Yuffie said. She thumped her suitcase. “Can you believe I got six months of stuff into only three bags?”

“You beat me,” Kairi laughed, gesturing at her own four.

“I’m going to miss this place,” Yuffie said, looking around the apartment. “Are you certain it wouldn’t just be easier to move?”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Kairi said. “I’m only going to be in Midgar for a couple months until my papers come through with the Bar. Two, maybe three, months isn’t worth it.”

“I still can’t believe you’ve coming to Midgar with me,” Yuffie giggled.

“What can I say? It made sense,” Kairi laughed. “I’m joining an environmental policy law firm, I may as well get some practice in with an environmental activist organization while I still can’t practice law.”

“I thought AVALANCHE was an eco-terrorist group.” 

Kairi shook her head. “You’re thinking of the fringe extremists. The main organization, which is located in Midgar, is composed of legally abiding citizens who care about the environment. Cloud was a part of AVALANCHE when he was in college. I think Tifa’s still a member.”

“That would explain why she’s against paper napkins,” Yuffie said brightly.

Kairi just laughed, then groaned when she saw the clock. “I hope our cab is downstairs. We need to leave now if we’re to catch our plane. Is Yunie in her carrier?” At the sound of her name Yuna warked and puffed herself up inside her crate.

Yuffie groaned. “I’m not ready to be airsick for four hours.”

Kairi laughed and kissed her girlfriend’s forehead. “You know what, you’re going to be horribly sick for the entire flight and want to die.”

“Thanks babe.”

“But on the bright side,” Kairi continued, kissing her Yuffie. “I’m going to be right next to you for the entire flight taking your mind off the fact we’re hurtling through the air at fifty thousand feet. Then we are going to arrive in Midgar and we are going to have so much fun and get into so much trouble because that’s just what we do.”

Yuffie brightened at this foretelling. Kairi was right. There would be momentary discomfort before they could experience something grand. And Yuffie was going to be in a kung fu movie! No matter where she went or what challenges they faced, Yuffie knew that she would have Kairi at her side. Together they would turn this life from something ordinary into something extraordinary. Yuffie grinned at Kairi; she knew they were on the best adventure in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of _Ordinary Adventures_. Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
